Middle School Gap Year

[KrissiK]

Has anyone ever done a "gap year" in middle school for a child who wasn't really ready to go forward? My second son is 13, finishing 7th grade, but he's not really academically ready to go on to 8th grade work. He's very low in math, among other things, but he's also very immature for a 13 year old boy. I think he would benefit by having a "Gap Year" and just getting him caught up in math and other things academically and then try to get him prepared for high school. He will likely go to the local Christian High School, like every other homeschooler around here.

 

I guess my problem is... how do we do this and not make him feel like he's repeating a grade (which he won't be) or that he's stupid. And socially.... he is in youth group,but he doesn't have a particularly close group of friends, so it's not like all his buddies will be going to HS after next year and he'll be left behind. He seems to get along better with younger kids anyway. But he will be spending 3 years in middle school. Anyhow, does anyone have an experience with this idea?

[maize]

Call it a gap year. Maybe find some articles about the popularity and benefits of gap years between high school and college and discuss how this year can be used to his benefit. I imagine you are still planning for academic stuff to happen but maybe the schedule of formal stuff could be pared down to make room for more interest driven stuff. Is there a significant project he/you might like to undertake for the year?

[EKS]

I don't think there is any way you can frame this that will not make it come off as repeating a grade.  He may not technically be repeating the work of 7th grade, but you whatever you will be doing will be because he was not ready to move on to 8th grade.  He will know it and his peers will know it.  If he was really taking a gap year, you wouldn't be working on remediating weaknesses--you probably wouldn't be working on school at all.

 

That said, we sort of did what you are talking about.  By the end of 8th grade, my son had skipped two grades at the private school he was attending.  We decided (him included) that he wasn't ready to start high school yet (socially, emotionally, and executive function-wise).  So we homeschooled for two years, during which time he did high school level work.  He is now in 9th grade at the public high school and thrilled to be with same age peers.  But I don't think it would have worked out so well if we had placed him back in the same school where he had finished 8th grade.  

[FriedClams]

We didn't "gap" but we did do a second eighth grade year. We called it a second instead of a repeat, because we didn't repeat anything. LOL! There were a zillion great reasons for us to do it, and nearly no bad reasons, so we did it. It's been FABULOUS.

 

In our case, we sat down with DS and explained why we wanted to do this, and the pros and cons. I told him we would NOT make any decision without his input, and we all committed to pray about the decision. He was actually very enthusiastic when we made the decision.

 

Our situation is different than yours, but some of the pros were:

* no high school pressure in 8B: we could do math at half speed (he is in Algebra 2, so it lightened his load a ton there), he could pick whatever science he wanted (we did programming and aero - versus serious HS bio + lab), etc.

* we have more time to travel (a big, and frequent, deal for our family)

* we were moving so youth group would be easier to assimilate into as a veteran/local 9th grader versus mid year 9th 

* we get another year at home before leaving for college so he could mature spiritually 

* new area has better DE options, so he can always start college from home, but he won't be leaving at 17

 

Cons:

* we likely would not have considered the option if we stayed where we were. There was a great college locally and he would have started from home anyway, so the leaving issue was made a big deal by the move (since now he has to GO to college away from here). I am SO GLAD we did it anyway!!

* Stigma. Honestly, he didn't care either way. It made sense and he really benefited. All the local things we were in all blend at the middle/high school ages so it was a non issue. If we did this plan without moving, I'd have him stay with his peers for scouts,youth, etc. and not mention it to anyone, but adjust at home. No one cares anyway and he doesn't have to mention it to anyone if he doesn't want.  

[JudoMom]

We've done it with our older three and called it a transition year.  I have not regretted it at all and the boys have been fine with it.  We simply explained our reasons and they've been okay with it.  They didn't feel they'd been held back or that they were repeating a grade. 
 

The way we pitched the idea to our oldest was to explain how much more would be expected of him starting in 9th grade, and that we strongly felt he could use a transition year in between.  We explained it was mostly just an on paper thing, and he wasn't repeating a grade, that he'd keep moving along in what he was doing, and we pointed out the benefits.  The next two boys understood our reasoning as well, but honestly, because our oldest had done it, it became something we do.  It's just not been a big deal for any of them.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No BTDT, but I will say a lot can change in a year at this age.  It's surprising, but it really can.  My older kid started taking courses at the CC right at the very end of 13.  If you had asked me when he was 12 and most of 13 if he was ready for that, I would have said you were out of your mind.  But he was and did fine.

 

I think I'd keep going and reevaluate in a year if he is ready for high school rather than doing this now.

 

 

[frugalmamatx]

Considering doing this here too, except a gap year between 5th and 6th. DD just isn't really ready in her math skills to move on, and we need to work on proper language arts skills. It would also let her rejoin age peers as she's a year ahead right now. 

 

It also solves the issue of DE and her having to wait until 16. Because her birthday is mid-september, she was going to have to wait until her senior year for DE because of the local rule of 16 prior to the start of the academic year for DE. 

[Seeking Squirrels]

Can I throw in a question here? How do colleges feel about taking an extra year? Due to age and/or prior enrollment in a PS or charter, they'd be able to tell the child took an extra year in there somewhere. Does this have to be explained on paper? Will it be assumed they were "held back" and that impact admissions? Or do they really not care what happens before starting 9th? 

 

I am curious because we are not even close to there yet but I can see finding ourselves there in a few years. DD has a summer birthday so is on the young end for her grade and is quite immature for her age. 

[J-rap]

Can I throw in a question here? How do colleges feel about taking an extra year? Due to age and/or prior enrollment in a PS or charter, they'd be able to tell the child took an extra year in there somewhere. Does this have to be explained on paper? Will it be assumed they were "held back" and that impact admissions? Or do they really not care what happens before starting 9th? 

 

I am curious because we are not even close to there yet but I can see finding ourselves there in a few years. DD has a summer birthday so is on the young end for her grade and is quite immature for her age. 

 

If the "gap" year is before high school, how would colleges ever know?  And students enter college at many different ages.

[LucyStoner]

I've heard a lot of 7th grade parents of boys say this but often at the end of the next year, the issue dissipates. How different is 8th grade work from 7th grade anyways? I'd evaluate high school readiness after the 8th grade year. A lot can happen in a year.

 

Some families I know just say they are waiting a year to start high school and it's not seen as repeating a grade.

Edited March 27, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Farrar]

I've heard a lot of 7th grade parents of boys say this but often at the end of the next year, the issue dissipates. How different is 8th grade work from 7th grade anyways? I'd evaluate high school readiness after the 8th grade year. A lot can happen in a year.

 

Some families I know just say they are waiting a year to start high school and it's not seen as repeating a grade.

 

:iagree:

 

When I was teaching middle school, sometimes 7th graders would leave for the summer and I would think, whoa. That kid is never going to get through next year. And then they would come back in the fall, and their pants would be hanging around their ankles and they would suddenly be so much more mature. Not like they didn't struggle at all, but just... I remember one boy who as a 7th grader, I swear, could not sit in a chair without falling over. Or, if he managed that, when he stood up, he'd knock the chair over. Or, knock over something else entirely. He came back as an 8th grader suddenly able to sit. Or another kid I'm thinking of who could barely string a two sentences together. He came back as an 8th grader and... I mean, he was not about to win an essay contest, but he could write a paragraph suddenly and by the end of the year, he could write a paper. It was some kind of miracle.

 

So... yeah. I would say talk to him about the need to send him to high school as ready as possible and how you might decide - hopefully together - that he might need more time, and that that's okay. But I wouldn't personally change his grade now.

[medawyn]

:iagree:

 

When I was teaching middle school, sometimes 7th graders would leave for the summer and I would think, whoa. That kid is never going to get through next year. And then they would come back in the fall, and their pants would be hanging around their ankles and they would suddenly be so much more mature. Not like they didn't struggle at all, but just... I remember one boy who as a 7th grader, I swear, could not sit in a chair without falling over. Or, if he managed that, when he stood up, he'd knock the chair over. Or, knock over something else entirely. He came back as an 8th grader suddenly able to sit. Or another kid I'm thinking of who could barely string a two sentences together. He came back as an 8th grader and... I mean, he was not about to win an essay contest, but he could write a paragraph suddenly and by the end of the year, he could write a paper. It was some kind of miracle.

 

So... yeah. I would say talk to him about the need to send him to high school as ready as possible and how you might decide - hopefully together - that he might need more time, and that that's okay. But I wouldn't personally change his grade now.

 

I have a similar teaching experience.  Every single year, without fail, we 8th grade teachers would sit around our lunch table in April/May and wonder how on earth those 7th graders were going to make it the next year.  Funnily enough, most of them did, down to the "can't sit in a chair" kids or the "can't open my locker in March" kids. I agree that I would wait to evaluate this time next year; it's amazing what a year does.  You can still have the same conversation in March of next year if you still feel he's not ready.  

[KrissiK]

I appreciate the responses. Actually, I taught middle school as well, for many years, but quit 13 years ago to raise my family. I guess I never realized how much changing the boys did between 7th and 8th grade. But, one thing I did notice around here is how many of the boys were a year older than the girls in the same grade. Their parents had wisely held them back or started them late in their younger years. I'm wishing I had done the same thing now. After reading these responses and talking with homeschooling friends, I'm leaning toward moving forward, but at his own pace. And maybe just homeschool him through high school. He, of all my kids, has actually been adamantly opposed to brick and mortar school. I guess I always just assumed that since "everyone else does it", that he would go to Christian High School, too. But maybe I shouldn't assume that.