requesting status reports from an 8th grader

[kbutton]

I am thinking of requesting that my soon to be 8th grader give me a weekly status report next year.

 

He needs some additional communication and self-advocacy skills, and I am wondering if having him do sort of a form letter status report each week would help him give him some accountability while also increasing his communication skills.

 

I am guessing the report would be scaffolded--something where he lists the tasks he did and the tasks he didn't do. For tasks he completes, I might have comment boxes to check (I did it, but it was difficult, I did it, and it was easy, etc.). For tasks he doesn't complete, I could have comment boxes to check that indicate why it's not finished. This is important because he has some exceptionalities, and he tends to avoid work and not speak up when he doesn't know how to ask a question. Sometimes I am expecting too much, and sometimes he really needs to learn to ask a question. I think having a neutral way to express that he's stuck might be a starting point to fostering better communication. I think it might also generate some self-talk and self-examination when he feels stuck instead of having him decide he can't do something and leave it at that. (He knows that is not a good approach, but I think he is not sure what else to do--saying he needs to ask a question doesn't go very far when he doesn't know what to ask.)

 

We have a problem where a generic task list has not quite worked--for starters, he glosses over details if he's checking items off. It's like the checklist makes his brain go mush. He does better and stays more accountable if he writes down what he actually did and then compares it to what he is supposed to do. He also has some leeway for making his own schedule and handles it mostly pretty well. 

 

He has some executive functioning difficulties, but those difficulties are not with motivation. He's extremely motivated to be organized because it makes him feel capable and like he has more choices. He is also fairly self-aware about what kinds of things keep him from being successful. Talking about them is more difficult, but again, I think it's possible a status report could help with this.

 

He works with a tutor and a behaviorist as well, and this might be a good tool to use with them.

 

Thoughts? Potential pitfalls? Additional ideas?

 

 

[EKS]

Are you homeschooling this person?

 

Why can't you just check in with him throughout the day?  And if he has EF issues, that's even more reason to be present much of the time.

[Mrs Twain]

I have an 8th grade boy.  He has a checklist that he uses to check off his assignments.  I also have the same checklist, and I don't check things off unless I have graded the work or else discussed what he learned (for certain kinds of subjects).  

 

He is an excellent student, but as an 8th grade boy, he wouldn't get nearly as much work accomplished if I were not monitoring and evaluating everything.  

 

All that to say--perhaps you need to be more hands-on...?

[kbutton]

This wanders a bit. Sorry! I am trying to articulate his specific issues better. 

 

Not all EF issues require micromanagement. I really don't know how you'd micromanage learning to ask a question that he can't form in his mind. That is what he struggles with--if he can't ask a question, he simply avoids the task.

 

He has tutors to work on the subjects where micromanaging is or might be appropriate, but the micromanaging still doesn't make him able to ask questions. The avoidance is tied to not being able to ask a question. The micromanaging is to help him do the assignment start to finish. It would be nice if he could ask questions so that he could do learn to do part of an assignment in an area of struggle, and then ask questions. Since he can't, the tutors are left doing everything with him step-by-step. This is not all bad when it's new, but you have to be able to problem-solve at some point, and asking a question is a good first step. When he avoids things, it's usually with the tutor because the tutor is working on things that are difficult for my son to the point that my son doesn't know what to ask. So he doesn't ask. I think the checklist would at least give him a chance to say, "I need help here." He won't do that on his own in these particular subjects because he doesn't seem to know how. If he'll communicate with me via a status report, I think he will do this with the tutors as well.

 

His organizational skills are good, and he has meds for attention support and impulsive behavior (the meds are remarkably effective--it's night and day). It's self-advocacy and communication that are the issue. He could do better at double-checking that he really did do certain things, but I'd say that he's at least age-appropriate with that skill and potentially better. He really likes to be in control and make his own decisions, so he's honed these skills. He also has an amazing work ethic. 

 

A cut and dry checklist does not support him with the the communication skills, and it actually seems to make task-completion less successful (no, I don't know why, but it's been been tried many times by multiple people). The status report is to foster communication. Some of it will be redundant because it's easier to get him to start with familiar things that he's already successful doing. It does work for him to make a list each day of what he's done. It's only slightly different than checking items off a list, but it makes all the difference in the world for him to write each item down every day. That seems to draw his focus and purpose to the right sort of thinking he needs to do to stay on track. Adding a communication box (easy, hard, struggling, not sure why he can't do it, etc.) tacks a new thing (communication) onto something that we know works (writing down a record of what he did each day).

 

He currently plans his workload around appointments, music lessons, etc. quite successfully, and then he gets it all done. He is not lacking organization.

 

I think if he had a box to check that said he needs help, then that is much better than avoiding something. It's not like we know he's going to struggle with a task or not until he's had to try it. There is not a lot of predictability to this other than knowing that it almost never happens in subjects he's comfortable with. Two tasks that are the same cognitive level are not always equally difficult for him--one might be easy, and one might be onerously hard, and there is no rhyme or reason to why that is. This baffles his tutors--they have a lot of experience (and credentials for doing this), and they are frequently taken by surprise at the unevenness of his abilities. It's not just me missing something important.

 

If he checks a communication box vs. just avoiding the assignment or parts of it, that would be a step up in his self-advocacy skills even if he can't figure out the right question to ask. It would be the equivalent of him saying he's hungry and needs to eat (even if he couldn't fix himself a snack or find the kitchen) vs. just opting to pass out from hypoglycemia because he didn't know what to eat or how to find the kitchen.

 

He is able to correct course if he starts to lag behind a little, but if he realizes it too late, then he will avoid again. I do ask him about this kind of thing, but I'd like for him to tell me, hence the status report. 

 

The status report might also help in one other area (something I suppose I could micromanage, but I don't think I need to). If he forgets one tiny part of an assignment once or twice, then that becomes the new normal. This is not something he does frequently, so I think the checklist could help.

 

I do have to micromanage his younger brother to a mind-boggling degree. Younger brother's EF difficulties are more conventional (disorganized, inattentive, etc.).