Jump to content


What's with the ads?

Photo
- - - - -

The Friend Thing - commiserate with me.


74 replies to this topic

What's with the ads?

#1 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21306 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 05:22 PM

I don't need advice. I know all the advice,

 

The friend thing is STILL a problem for us this year, after last year, when ds' friendship group imploded. 

 

And it is contributing to a consistent low mood. 

 

School is an answer, but not the answer, kwim ? Pros and cons there, lots of 'em.

 

The annoying thing is, that if I could just fast forward ds a year or two, there would be more opportunities to do things like join a gym, or volunteer. Things that are good for mental health. But right now ? Nothing, unless I create it and I am overwhelmed already.

 

Soccer season is about to start, which is good. It's not helping that training was supposed to start a fortnight ago, but it's been raining consistenly so training keeps getting cancelled. 

 

It's not helping either that ds seems to have grown out of that kid stage of just doing whatever activities look fun. He's into soccer, fitness and traning, and he wants to work at stand up comedy (!!) and he wants to 'hang out with people who have goals and are mature'. He doesn't want to go to a h/s activity just because other kids are there. 

 

Ugh. Another thing not helping is that I am currently seeing a family member adjust beautifully to school - even though all the things I loathe about school are still there - and oh my, the guilt. 

 

On the plus side, I observe carefully and I don't think it's ds. He seems genuinely nice, and that's the feedback I get about him from others. "Great kid!"

 

I think it's just environment. Not many teens homeschooling, still being shunned by former h/s friends, other kids in ps happy to be friends during activity, but either over scheduled or not wanting more friends outside of that. Limited opportunities to just get out there at this age.

 

He must be pretty sick of hanging with me. 

 

So yeah, there are no answers out there I haven't thought of. And its very boring to keep having the same problem, I know. But I needed to verbalise it before I get on with my day.

 

 

 

 

 

 


  • Ellie, Another Lynn, MerryAtHope and 13 others like this

#2 OneStepAtATime

OneStepAtATime

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 31083 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 05:26 PM

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Similar situation here for my DS13 in quite a few ways.  No answers, just sympathy.


  • Ravin, Sadie, eternalsummer and 1 other like this

#3 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21306 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 05:50 PM

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Similar situation here for my DS13 in quite a few ways.  No answers, just sympathy.

 

I'm sorry your ds is also having a rough time of it ;(


  • Ravin, OneStepAtATime and eternalsummer like this

#4 MiMi 4under3

MiMi 4under3

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1495 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 06:13 PM

:grouphug: to you and your son!


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#5 texasmom33

texasmom33

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5458 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 06:14 PM

:grouphug:


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#6 Ethel Mertz

Ethel Mertz

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPip
  • 4389 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 07:53 PM

Same issue for DS14. No answers except he's been participating in the local bird club (for grown ups) and singing with a (grown up) classical chorale.



#7 Cadam

Cadam

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11813 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 08:00 PM

My local Kroc center (gym) will allow kids on the equipment as long as their parent is there training them and they can do the fitness classes as long as there are no weights being used. 

 

I wonder if you could work something out with a place like that (more family oriented/ community center-ish than a typical gym)

 

I'm so very sorry, Jr. High was a tough few years for my boy too.


  • Angie in VA, PinkyandtheBrains., Sadie and 1 other like this

#8 JudoMom

JudoMom

    Disliker of Change

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13495 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 08:12 PM

Finding friends is incredibly hard.  BTDT, own a whole set of the t-shirts.

I'm sorry, and I hope something great pops up that surprises you & your ds.


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#9 eternalsummer

eternalsummer

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3217 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 08:32 PM

We have the same problem.  We had to move recently from a place where DD was in school and had a great group of friends.  I do not see her regaining a similarly close group until she leaves home for college.  It is depressing.  I feel so sorry for her, and though I couldn't avoid moving, I do feel quite guilty about it.


  • Sadie likes this

#10 Farrar

Farrar

    Expert Cat Herder

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 22044 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:03 PM

:grouphug: I feel like we're extraordinarily lucky to still have a peer group at this age. The more I hear from others, the more I feel lucky.


  • Angie in VA, Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#11 LMD

LMD

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2983 posts

Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:46 PM

*hugs*

It sounds so difficult.

2 of dd's friends went back to school this year, many of the others are either too busy or flakes...

We lucked out with one who lives nearby, attends the same church and is unlikely to return to school anytime soon. One makes such a difference. Hoping that one for your boy is around the corner.
  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#12 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21306 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 01:03 AM

It's just so mentally exhausting. We had one good friend go back to school this year too...

 

If I had a time machine, I would go back and embrace the mainstream! (Not really, who am I kidding ? But it's good to dream...)


  • LMD, Serenade, Runningmom80 and 4 others like this

#13 eternalsummer

eternalsummer

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3217 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 01:14 AM

If I could have stayed where DD was in school, I would have.  If I could move back there I would, just for that reason.  It is so hard.


  • Sadie and Sahamamama2 like this

#14 J-rap

J-rap

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 10572 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 01:16 AM

I'm sorry.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:   I think it can be very difficult for boys that age who are smart, mature, and introspective.  But you're right -- in another year or two more things will open up for him where he can put all that mental energy and that he will find fulfilling.  Hopefully soccer will start soon, and that will help!


  • mom2scouts, Sadie, eternalsummer and 1 other like this

#15 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21306 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 01:40 AM

Thanks mamas, it helps. We'll keep slogging on. This too shall pass.


  • freesia, PinkyandtheBrains., OneStepAtATime and 1 other like this

#16 SparklyUnicorn

SparklyUnicorn

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 34739 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 06:25 AM

I definitely can relate.  Same story here. 

 

I can sort of distract with signing him up for a lot of activities, but that's also not quite the same. 

 

 


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#17 Sahamamama2

Sahamamama2

    Hive Mind Level 3 Worker: Honeymaking Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 179 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 06:36 AM

So yeah, there are no answers out there I haven't thought of. And its very boring to keep having the same problem, I know. But I needed to verbalise it before I get on with my day.

 

:grouphug: We're sort of in a similar boat with my 12 yo girl, but at least she has two 10 yo sisters to hang out with. Sympathizing with you.... We haven't thought of a solution, other than hanging in for a few more years, until other options open up. :grouphug:


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#18 soror

soror

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12040 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 06:45 AM

Ds isn't really close friends with any hs'ers. I signed him up this year with a hs' group activity with older kids but he asked to stop going. It wasn't a good fit. As it is his friends are from Scouts, it doesn't seem like any of them are terribly close either. I've really not thought that was enough, which is why I signed him up with the hs activity in the first place. He loves Scouts, it meets 1x a week and has monthly camp outs, his only other kid interaction is online playing games, otherwise, we just have family time. I worry that isn't enough but he doesn't ask to do anything else, doesn't complain about a lack of friends, and seems content, so I just hope that I'm not screwing things up.


Edited by soror, 16 March 2017 - 06:50 AM.

  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#19 Minerva

Minerva

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1401 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 06:47 AM

:grouphug:

 

We live in the middle of nowhere and my dd is really feeling the lack of contact with other kids. There is no solution for us, since this is where we live, and it's not going to change anytime soon. 


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#20 Serenade

Serenade

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2738 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 09:08 AM

other kids in ps happy to be friends during activity, but either over scheduled or not wanting more friends outside of that. Limited opportunities to just get out there at this age.


I think this is so common now, for many reasons. My son has the same problem. He is generally well-liked in his activities, but only rarely has that translated into get-togethers outside of the activities. Kids are so over scheduled today that it is hard to fit things in. IMO, the kids who seem to have the most friends are the kids who grew up in neighborhoods with same-aged peers and have continued those friendships throughout the years.
  • Ravin, mamaraby, Runningmom80 and 2 others like this

#21 Serenade

Serenade

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2738 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 09:14 AM

Ds isn't really close friends with any hs'ers. I signed him up this year with a hs' group activity with older kids but he asked to stop going. It wasn't a good fit. As it is his friends are from Scouts, it doesn't seem like any of them are terribly close either. I've really not thought that was enough, which is why I signed him up with the hs activity in the first place. He loves Scouts, it meets 1x a week and has monthly camp outs, his only other kid interaction is online playing games, otherwise, we just have family time. I worry that isn't enough but he doesn't ask to do anything else, doesn't complain about a lack of friends, and seems content, so I just hope that I'm not screwing things up.


Scouts is the one thing saving my younger son. Although the boys don't get together outside of scouts, they have a pretty good group for scout activities, and they all mostly get along. He sees the boys weekly at scout meetings, and then once a month for a trip. He loves scouts so much that he doesn't even want to miss meetings when our family goes on vacation.
  • mom2scouts, Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#22 Bluegoat

Bluegoat

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 10361 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 09:19 AM

One thing that strikes me is that although it is a drag now, you never know, it could turn out to be a valuble time for him.  Some people seem to find that an enforced time like this in their lives makes them think in a way they might not have otherwise and become more resilient.  Could provide a lot of time to work on comedy!  Hopefully it will improve in the near future, though!


  • Sadie, eternalsummer, Minerva and 1 other like this

#23 Saddlemomma

Saddlemomma

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1409 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 09:27 AM

:grouphug:

 

In our area, there are plenty of homeschoolers, but we are spread out throughout a huge rural area - northern, ME.  Not only that, but most of the HS kids are littles; very few older kids. All the co-ops are for the younger set, or so far away it would take half our school day just to attend one class. So I totally understand what you're going through.  Our DD(14) was having the same problems even with going to the PS for one class. She went through just what you're describing with your son. It was especially tough last year.

 

I knew this was going to be a problem right off the bat when we decided to HS. DD's sister is 12 years older and was off to college by the time DD started K.  So since K, I've had DD take one class each year at the local PS--just one class.  Granted, it's always extracurricular classes like art, band, music, computer, etc.  This way, she gets to know her peers in a group, it has given her an idea of what PS is like (which she vehemently states she will never attend FT, but enjoys her one class), and she's exposed to different teachers and styles of teaching, etc...

 

I totally understand where you're coming from with the cons of PS.  However, with just that one class/year, the benefits have outweighed the cons. In Maine, by attending just one class at the PS, she's considered a partial student.  With that designation, she can participate in any of their sports if she desires to, any testing we choose -- like the PSATs & SATs, drama productions, etc. That's a huge plus.

 

Unfortunately, while she has "friends" in the school, it hasn't translated to out-of-school "friends".  We have found one homeschool friend which is working out quite nicely, but she is still 30 minutes away, and they can't get together very often due to the friend's other commitments. Thankfully, DD will put herself out there and challenge her comfort zone by attending functions/camps where she doesn't really know anyone, but it's not the same as going with a best bud. 

 

Another outlet, which we just allowed DD, is to join a private, secure chat room of her peers.  It's monitored by an adult. This has greatly relieved some of DD's issues regarding friends. She found one online friend in PA through a Skrafty online class who recommended this private chat. This, in turn, introduced her to her friend's friends. They have become quite the group. They are all homeschoolers and share school stories, classes, outside interests, and even occasionally Skype together (most of these kids have participated in Skrafty Minecraft classes). Right now, DD is working on illustrations for a book one of her chat friends is writing. Granted you have to ensure the chat room and any potential friends are legit and safe. We did that. We also institute time limits as well.  DD now wants to take a trip to Philadelphia (she's fascinated by Benjamin Franklin) and incorporate that with a chance to meet some of her friends in person.

 

This isn't an ideal situation, but at least it's an outlet.  For now, since we've allowed this, she seems much happier. This is the one area I feel is totally out of my control, and it hurts when I see her missing out. 


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#24 KrissiK

KrissiK

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12021 posts

Posted 16 March 2017 - 10:42 AM

I'm sorry!! I can commiserate! Around here, people generally homeschool through 8th grade and then send their kids to the local Christian school for high school. And, unfortunately, that's what we're going to do, too. I would prefer homeschooling all the way up but....it's not going to happen for most of my kids. ((Hugs))!!
  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#25 daijobu

daijobu

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2072 posts

Posted 17 March 2017 - 12:14 AM

One day my dd came down to breakfast, all dressed up with nowhere to go.  She looked at me.  She looked at her sister.  And I could tell she was thinking, "Is this all their is?"  I think we looked pretty lame compared to the idea of hanging out with beautiful well-dressed peers.  (I think there were tears.)  But it passed.  Good luck.  


  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#26 eternalsummer

eternalsummer

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3217 posts

Posted 17 March 2017 - 12:25 AM

My mom came to stay with us for a few days.  She has three kindles that she keeps for the kids and they use while she is here or while they are visiting her.  We don't do small electronic devices (including smartphones) so this is kind of their only exposure to that world.  DD evidently has a couple of apps (?) that let her connect with a cousin and her friends from our previous location, something about short music videos.  

 

She told me she feels really unsatisfied sometimes because she sees that her cousin and old friends have phones and etc. and are "cool" and her life, by comparison, consists largely of gymnastics, playing with siblings, latin, reading, art, and writing.  She likes those things (except for her siblings) but when she sees the greener grass of public school, lots of clothes and electronics, makeup, etc. it makes her mopey.  I tried explaining about how what seems cool when you are 10/11 is not the same thing as cool when you are 14/15 (the cousin in particular lives in a high crime, high dropout, high drug area, and will be lucky to get through high school unscathed) and certainly not the same as when you are an adult.

 

Then I realized that really what she is missing is having a couple of good friends (one would do, really) and the sort of self-security that brings - someone who likes you and whom you like but are not related to.  I remember how important that was for me at that age and I am just so sorry she can't have it right now.

 

I hope things get better soon for your kids, and mine.  I know we are on the best course overall, but man is it hard.


  • Serenade, Runningmom80 and Sadie like this

#27 eternalsummer

eternalsummer

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3217 posts

Posted 17 March 2017 - 12:28 AM

What they need to do is invent teleporting already, so all of our kids can just zip across the continent (or world) and hang out with each other.


  • Ravin, Serenade, PinkyandtheBrains. and 4 others like this

#28 Happygrl

Happygrl

    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 248 posts

Posted 17 March 2017 - 11:54 AM

Different details but yeah.  

A friend of DD's that she knew from another place we lived (we're military) came to visit this week.  It made my heart hurt...it was such a good time for both of them but to know she doesn't have that here is hard.  


  • Sadie likes this

#29 freesia

freesia

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2834 posts

Posted 17 March 2017 - 12:11 PM

I do make my ds go to teen events even when he doesn't want to--for mental health reasons. He does have a good friend who he doesn't see as often as we'd like, but another friendship imploded this year.  He gets depressed and isolates, so making him go is the right choice.

 

It is hard.  It can even be hard when you have a group--if something happens to blow things up.  Then what?  You can't make a teen be friends with people, but I do think there is value with just getting out of the house and around new people.


  • Another Lynn and Sadie like this

#30 Bluegoat

Bluegoat

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 10361 posts

Posted 17 March 2017 - 02:46 PM

What they need to do is invent teleporting already, so all of our kids can just zip across the continent (or world) and hang out with each other.

 

Maybe a WTM forum for kids....


  • Another Lynn, idnib, freesia and 6 others like this

#31 Another Lynn

Another Lynn

    Got Coffee?

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8849 posts

Posted 17 March 2017 - 03:54 PM

:grouphug:


  • Sadie likes this

#32 SRoss5

SRoss5

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 64 posts

Posted 18 March 2017 - 09:36 AM

Just remember that there are plenty of lonely kids in school too.  Kids wandering around the playground, trying to figure out where they fit in.  There are kids who only play sports, and kids who like science and math.  They don't always find each other, especially if the school is big.  If the the school is small, they're are plenty of kids who feel welcomed, but don't have a bestie.  Friendship drama abounds and unkindness is always lurking whenever you get a lot of kids in one spot.  In class, their is little opportunity for socializing which really just leaves passing periods, lunch and break. These times can be the loneliest for a lot of kids. The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. You might just be saving him from a lot of unnecessary pain.  By mid high school most of the middle school drama evaporates.

 

 


  • katilac, Another Lynn, Ravin and 9 others like this

#33 Sahamamama2

Sahamamama2

    Hive Mind Level 3 Worker: Honeymaking Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 179 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 08:02 AM

She told me she feels really unsatisfied sometimes because she sees that her cousin and old friends have phones and etc. and are "cool" and her life, by comparison, consists largely of gymnastics, playing with siblings, latin, reading, art, and writing.  She likes those things (except for her siblings) but when she sees the greener grass of public school, lots of clothes and electronics, makeup, etc. it makes her mopey.  I tried explaining about how what seems cool when you are 10/11 is not the same thing as cool when you are 14/15 (the cousin in particular lives in a high crime, high dropout, high drug area, and will be lucky to get through high school unscathed) and certainly not the same as when you are an adult.

 

Then I realized that really what she is missing is having a couple of good friends (one would do, really) and the sort of self-security that brings - someone who likes you and whom you like but are not related to.  I remember how important that was for me at that age and I am just so sorry she can't have it right now.

 

I hope things get better soon for your kids, and mine.  I know we are on the best course overall, but man is it hard.

 

Only once did my 12 year old daughter, completely out of the blue, burst into tears and say, "Oh, Mommy, I wish I had a friend. Even just one friend would help." That was heartbreaking, but she seems to have bounced back. Usually, she seems to be content, but after that, I've wondered what is underneath her placid surface, KWIM? She does tend to repress things until they spill over....

 

We also have the (truly sweet and wonderful) "cool older cousin," LOL, with the phone and the different clothes and the public high school experiences. This cousin also lives in a high crime, high drugs, and high drop out rate area, but she will have no trouble finishing school, as long as she stays safe. We pray for her.

 

As for my oldest daughter comparing herself to her cousin or peers who have "cool stuff," hmmm.... I'm not sure she does, but then again, it's hard to know what is in her head. I've been working on setting aside time to just be "mom," and not at all the "teacher" or the "pick-this-up drill-sergeant." It helps. Once she relaxes with just hanging out with me, she starts to chatter like you would not believe! LOL. And then some of those thoughts and feelings do come out, and we have good, meaningful conversations with substance, if that makes sense. So, OUR AVAILABILITY matters.

 

Looking back on my own adolescence, I think the conversations I had with my mom and other adults, both men and women, were more influential and soul-sustaining than the typically shallow interactions that were available from my peers. I suppose 14 year olds amongst themselves can "be deep?" But I rarely found this to be the case, at least not in a healthy way. And peers at that age, potentially so focused on everything ephemeral, are much less likely to guide each other to the "things that are eternal." It could happen, I suppose, but I'm skeptical.

 

Who we become is so much more important than what we own. Our character, our habits, our willingness to love and forgive people, to hope, to hold on, to try again, to laugh, to pray with faith -- all of these are so much more essential to shaping a "good life, well-lived" than are the things that do not last. Phones, make up, trendy clothes, and so on may be nice to have, but owning them will not help us grow into good men and women.

 

At the end of the day, what I really think our pre-teens and young teens feel is an emerging awareness of their need for intimacy and connection. I don't think this must come exclusively, or even primarily, from same-age peers. But then again, my oldest is twelve, so.... what do I know?  ;)


Edited by Sahamamama2, 20 March 2017 - 08:12 AM.

  • Sadie, eternalsummer and SRoss5 like this

#34 fastforward

fastforward

    Hive Mind Level 5 Worker: Forager Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 435 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 08:56 AM

:grouphug:  I can commiserate.  My 13 and 14 year olds cling to each other and don't have anyone to actually claim as a good friend.  We moved to a new area six months ago and we are learning the hard lesson that friends don't just show up at your doorstep unless you are my 9 year old who regularly seems to have people ringing the bell to play.   :confused:  My 14 old is likely homeschooling for the long run, but I'm considering putting my 13 year old in high school next year, despite my misgivings about the local school system.  

 

I don't remember having lots of super close girlfriends when I was this age, but I do remember having kids I talked to at school and a dwindling amount of neighborhood acquaintances.  It's harder as a homeschooler to balance getting work, chores and activities done with making friends, especially as the "new kids" in our area.  :(

 

 


  • Sadie likes this

#35 SanDiegoMom in VA

SanDiegoMom in VA

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 474 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 09:51 AM

We have the same problem. We had to move recently from a place where DD was in school and had a great group of friends. I do not see her regaining a similarly close group until she leaves home for college. It is depressing. I feel so sorry for her, and though I couldn't avoid moving, I do feel quite guilty about it.



We moved three years ago from a place where my oldest had a wonderful friend group. She is now a senior going off to college and while she made a few surface friends, there were never any good enough to bring home - she has literally spent all her free time with us. She texts her old friends and has deeper conversations with them than anyone here.

She is in school - was never homeschooled. So it's not just a homeschool problem! She has survived, but she's also a very independent personality. She doesn't tend to dwell on problems or let things get her down. We've been very lucky.
  • tranquility7, Sadie, eternalsummer and 1 other like this

#36 LMD

LMD

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2983 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 06:41 PM

And yesterday we had friend dramas and now I have to have an uncomfortable conversation with my friend. *sigh*
Do they really need friends?

Sorry for taking over your vent Sadie!
  • Sadie and eternalsummer like this

#37 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21306 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 06:46 PM

And yesterday we had friend dramas and now I have to have an uncomfortable conversation with my friend. *sigh*
Do they really need friends?

Sorry for taking over your vent Sadie!

 

Go for it, it's good for me to take a break from venting and commiserate with someone else's vent! Hope the convo goes smoothly.


  • LMD and eternalsummer like this

#38 ZeldaRules

ZeldaRules

    Hive Mind Level 3 Worker: Honeymaking Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 236 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 10:45 PM

Do you go to church, or are there bigger churches in your area where your child could join a youth group and get involved, or any type of group that meets regularly and get involved? I went to public school but hung out with the kids in my youth group a lot and did more things with my church than my school.

It is challenging, and it's sad that there is drama and you can't hide from it in the HS world.

Good luck.

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

#39 ZeldaRules

ZeldaRules

    Hive Mind Level 3 Worker: Honeymaking Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 236 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 10:47 PM

I want to add that we did a lot of fun activities with the youth group. Trips, charity work, just hanging out. It was a lot of fun!

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk
  • Sadie likes this

#40 eternalsummer

eternalsummer

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3217 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 11:00 PM

neither Sadie nor I are religious.


  • Sadie and JBJones like this

#41 LMD

LMD

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2983 posts

Posted 20 March 2017 - 11:16 PM

Go for it, it's good for me to take a break from venting and commiserate with someone else's vent! Hope the convo goes smoothly.


Thanks! I haven't spoken to her yet, I'm a gigantic chicken... even though I know that she would want to know, I hate the idea of piling something else on her right now. But it's at the stage of sort it out or quit - and quitting is not what I want. But, all 3 of my older children have been targeted over the year. My middle boy had an epic meltdown after they pushed his buttons.

Gah. Stressed and emotional already, gah blah.

Edited by LMD, 20 March 2017 - 11:16 PM.

  • Sadie likes this

#42 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21306 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 12:08 AM

neither Sadie nor I are religious.

 

I know youth group can be a bit of a gamble too, but yes, it's just one less option for us secular folk :(


  • JBJones, Minerva, SparklyUnicorn and 1 other like this

#43 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21306 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 12:10 AM

Thanks! I haven't spoken to her yet, I'm a gigantic chicken... even though I know that she would want to know, I hate the idea of piling something else on her right now. But it's at the stage of sort it out or quit - and quitting is not what I want. But, all 3 of my older children have been targeted over the year. My middle boy had an epic meltdown after they pushed his buttons.

Gah. Stressed and emotional already, gah blah.

 

It's better to say something. But you know that! Big breath.


  • LMD and JBJones like this

#44 lmrich

lmrich

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3709 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 06:59 AM

Sorry your son is going through this. 13 is hard. A little secret that I did not know about until much later was that kids can volunteer to ref younger kids soccer games. Perhaps that is something he can look into, or maybe he could be an assistant coach for a younger team. It does not solve the friend the problem, but it would help with mental health. 



#45 Selkie

Selkie

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1283 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 07:19 AM

:grouphug:

 

We live in the middle of nowhere and my dd is really feeling the lack of contact with other kids. There is no solution for us, since this is where we live, and it's not going to change anytime soon. 

 

We're in the same situation. There are so few kids here, and none that have much in common with my dd14.  

 

Like another poster said, I would absolutely love a WTM forum for homeschooled kids in need of friends.



#46 Mrs Twain

Mrs Twain

    Aspiring Master Gardener

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2691 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 03:18 PM

We have been through that problem multiple times over the years, both when the kids were in public school and since we have been homeschooling.

I always pray and ask God to bring friends (or just one special friend) into their lives as the need arises. God always has, mostly in ways I would not have planned or guessed.
  • Sadie likes this

#47 SparklyUnicorn

SparklyUnicorn

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 34739 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 03:22 PM

:ohmy:

 

 


  • Sadie likes this

#48 Hilltopmom

Hilltopmom

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1758 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 03:35 PM

We've given up on homeschool group stuff pretty much. (I'm over arranging things)

My dd was able to start volunteering last year at her dance studio at 13 and this year at the public library kids room and an assistive living place (assistive living didn't work out for her but the library is going great).

Ds doesn't do sports or volunteer but gets out of the house for a DnD group at a gaming shop (half adults, half teens usually) & has done a board game club or chess activities too (all those were weekly things). Plus his robotics group is a lot of time with peers.

Summer camps have been huge for making friends & spending time with peers- even if they only see those kids a week or 2 per summer.

I feel for ya.
  • Sadie, JBJones, Minerva and 1 other like this

#49 Hilltopmom

Hilltopmom

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1758 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 03:37 PM

I know youth group can be a bit of a gamble too, but yes, it's just one less option for us secular folk :(


Try the Unitarians. Ours is not a religious group, really a social justice club.
  • daijobu likes this

#50 eternalsummer

eternalsummer

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3217 posts

Posted 21 March 2017 - 06:07 PM

The Unitarians are not a great fit for us as we are quite conservative and really also not woo-minded; their notions about religious study and etc. are sort of the worst of both worlds, for me.


  • SparklyUnicorn and elizahelen like this