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Consequences or not? Unfinished homework and ASD


Janeway
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Son takes an outsourced class he loves. This is 15 yr old with Aspergers. It is not called Aspergers anymore, but that best describes it. The ASD matters here because he has had meltdowns over this. Basically, he was told a while back that he has to do this presentation using Power Point. He only told me a few days ago. And when he told me, maybe Thursday, he said "just wanted you to know, I am supposed to do a presentation Monday, but it uses Power Point and I don't have that so I cannot do it." I tell him that I have Power Point. He said it does not matter as he does not know how to use it. I pull it up on my computer and within minutes, put together a 4 slide presentation as a sample to show him how to do it. He didn't pay attention much I don't think, but maybe he did. He was just clearly in anxiety attack mode so not quite looking directly at me at this point or such. I asked husband to help him with the Power Point after this as I could not find any computer except mine with Power Point. Husband said he would. Yesterday, I asked son how it was going, the presentation, and he said he can't do it. But he showed me that he did the research and wrote a paper. So I emailed the teacher and asked if he could do this without using Power Point. She said no, must be Power Point. I asked my husband this morning to please look at son's Power Point presentation and try to figure out why son is not getting it done. Later, husband comes back and admits to me that he never downloaded the PP for son, he simply told son to do it, and son didn't know what to do. Son has a habit of not asking questions when he doesn't get something. He just clams up. 

 

Husband got son started on Power Point. And then, son proceeded to do 4 pages. And then 7 eventually. But throughout the course of the day, thoroughly cleaned multiple rooms in our house. He even vacuumed, did dishes, and took the trash out. And picked up of course, everything involved with cleaning these rooms.  Simply put...meltdown mode. Well, a much nicer meltdown than we used to get. When he was younger, he would go to his room and cry loudly. Now, he is just being quiet and cleaning the house. 

 

What would you do? I am thinking this assignment managed to push him beyond his abilities and I should still have him finish it, but sit with him and do it. It is due tomorrow so it won't be done in time. He had weeks to do it, but I do not know if he had two weeks or more. 

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Son takes an outsourced class he loves. This is 15 yr old with Aspergers. It is not called Aspergers anymore, but that best describes it. The ASD matters here because he has had meltdowns over this. Basically, he was told a while back that he has to do this presentation using Power Point. He only told me a few days ago. And when he told me, maybe Thursday, he said "just wanted you to know, I am supposed to do a presentation Monday, but it uses Power Point and I don't have that so I cannot do it." I tell him that I have Power Point. He said it does not matter as he does not know how to use it. I pull it up on my computer and within minutes, put together a 4 slide presentation as a sample to show him how to do it. He didn't pay attention much I don't think, but maybe he did. He was just clearly in anxiety attack mode so not quite looking directly at me at this point or such. I asked husband to help him with the Power Point after this as I could not find any computer except mine with Power Point. Husband said he would. Yesterday, I asked son how it was going, the presentation, and he said he can't do it. But he showed me that he did the research and wrote a paper. So I emailed the teacher and asked if he could do this without using Power Point. She said no, must be Power Point. I asked my husband this morning to please look at son's Power Point presentation and try to figure out why son is not getting it done. Later, husband comes back and admits to me that he never downloaded the PP for son, he simply told son to do it, and son didn't know what to do. Son has a habit of not asking questions when he doesn't get something. He just clams up.

 

Husband got son started on Power Point. And then, son proceeded to do 4 pages. And then 7 eventually. But throughout the course of the day, thoroughly cleaned multiple rooms in our house. He even vacuumed, did dishes, and took the trash out. And picked up of course, everything involved with cleaning these rooms. Simply put...meltdown mode. Well, a much nicer meltdown than we used to get. When he was younger, he would go to his room and cry loudly. Now, he is just being quiet and cleaning the house.

 

What would you do? I am thinking this assignment managed to push him beyond his abilities and I should still have him finish it, but sit with him and do it. It is due tomorrow so it won't be done in time. He had weeks to do it, but I do not know if he had two weeks or more.

If you knew he was having confidence issues about learning and using Power Point, why didn't you sit down with him and get it done over the weekend?

 

I also don't understand why your dh didn't step up to the plate and help him.

 

It sounds like your ds didn't wait until the last minute -- he did the necessary research and writing, but needed help with the presentation.

 

I realize that your ds is at fault for not having asked for help sooner, but once you and your dh realized he was getting anxious about it, I really think you should have immediately volunteered to help him.

 

EDITED TO ADD: Sorry to sound so harsh, but I think the "consequences or not" thread title annoyed me a bit. I feel like you and your dh share the blame for this assignment not getting done on time, mainly because you know that your ds gets very anxious and has meltdowns. I don't intend that in a mean way, but I'm worried I'm coming across that way.

Edited by Catwoman
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I haven't been able to because I didn't know there was a problem until Thursday. And then today and yesterday, I have been sick. He is supposed to take community college classes this next year, but if he cannot get to where he can ask for Power Point or find it himself, then he cannot handle dual enrollment. One important thing to note, he did spend many hours, every single day, playing on the computer and even uploading things to musescore. He figured all that out himself. But he did not make the time or effort for the Power Point video. And he has already completed drivers ed and has a driving permit. So he had time to play on the internet, but no time to work on this project. It was not about ability.

 

My other child was making power point videos in public school in 3rd and 4th grade. My other child struggles academically where as my older one is very adept academically. So I had thought it wouldn't be an issue. I don't want to be helicopter parent. I want him to own his own work and be responsible about it.

Edited by Janeway
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I also tend to put things off until the last minute if I am anxious about how to start, and a new tech program (new to me) is often so overwhelming that it takes forever just to get started.

 

you could go with natural consequences, whatever they are - fail the project, etc.

 

Or you could show him how to use it tonight, help him burn the midnight oil to finish the project on time, and show him how to look up youtube videos on new software programs.

 

If he has all the research and work done and just needs to make a powerpoint, it should not take too many hours, and it would be a shame to fail the assignment when it is just the presentation part that needs to be finished.

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Okay, and he has the research done, right?  How long does it take to make a slide - 10 minutes? he needs 23 more slides, so about 4 hours.  Long night, but not undoable.

 

The diagnosis makes a difference, though - I don't know how he handles that kind of pressure?  Or if it would even work, should you be willing to stay up and help him with it.

 

Does he not *want* to do the assignment, or is he just unsure of how to do it and didn't get any assistance with learning and so has thrown in the towel?

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I also tend to put things off until the last minute if I am anxious about how to start, and a new tech program (new to me) is often so overwhelming that it takes forever just to get started.

 

you could go with natural consequences, whatever they are - fail the project, etc.

 

Or you could show him how to use it tonight, help him burn the midnight oil to finish the project on time, and show him how to look up youtube videos on new software programs.

 

If he has all the research and work done and just needs to make a powerpoint, it should not take too many hours, and it would be a shame to fail the assignment when it is just the presentation part that needs to be finished.

When he wants to know the software or how to do it, he does. He found website to upload his music. Heck, he wrote and recorded music that he uploaded himself and none of that was handed to him.

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Okay, and he has the research done, right? How long does it take to make a slide - 10 minutes? he needs 23 more slides, so about 4 hours. Long night, but not undoable.

 

The diagnosis makes a difference, though - I don't know how he handles that kind of pressure? Or if it would even work, should you be willing to stay up and help him with it.

 

Does he not *want* to do the assignment, or is he just unsure of how to do it and didn't get any assistance with learning and so has thrown in the towel?

I am getting the definite impression that he didn't want to do it. He wanted to do the report his way, not the teacher's way. I think that is the real reason behind this.

Edited by Janeway
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Alternatively, you could propose to him that he can write the teacher and say, "I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to use Powerpoint and put this project off until it was too late to learn all at once.  I have the research and writing part done and have located some assistance in using Powerpoint.  Is it possible for me to turn in the presentation part of this assignment 2 days late, on Wednesday?"

 

That does happen.  I have had similar experiences in University and as a worker, as I suspect everyone has here or there.

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I am getting the definite impression that he didn't want to do it. He wanted to do the report his way, not the teacher's way. I think that is the real reason behind this.

 

Well in that case, he'll deal with the natural consequence of not getting a desireable grade (or any grade?) for the project, and will decide in the future whether he'd prefer to do things in the required way or take a lower grade but learn and process in his own way.  that is a pretty normal part of teenagerhood.

 

I don't know if what it looks like from your end is necessarily what it looks like from his end, even if subconsciously, though.  What if you just offer to sit through the creation of 5-10 slides with him and guide him through the process of using Powerpoint until he understands it?  He may still reject your offer, but at least you'd have offered.

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I haven't been able to because I didn't know there was a problem until Thursday. And then today and yesterday, I have been sick. He is supposed to take community college classes this next year, but if he cannot get to where he can ask for Power Point or find it himself, then he cannot handle dual enrollment. One important thing to note, he did spend many hours, every single day, playing on the computer and even uploading things to musescore. He figured all that out himself. But he did not make the time or effort for the Power Point video. And he has already completed drivers ed and has a driving permit. So he had time to play on the internet, but no time to work on this project. It was not about ability.

My other child was making power point videos in public school in 3rd and 4th grade. My other child struggles academically where as my older one is very adept academically. So I had thought it wouldn't be an issue. I don't want to be helicopter parent. I want him to own his own work and be responsible about it.

  

When he wants to know the software or how to do it, he does. He found website to upload his music. Heck, he wrote and recorded music that he uploaded himself and none of that was handed to him.

  

I am getting the definite impression that he didn't want to do it. He wanted to do the report his way, not the teacher's way. I think that is the real reason behind this.

You said in your OP that he has known issues with anxiety and meltdowns, and that he clams up when he doesn't know how to do something, but now you're talking about all of the things he has learned on his own and complaining that he didn't use his time wisely.

 

If you knew he has these issues and he had specifically admitted to you that he didn't understand the software, I'm not sure why you're judging him so harshly instead of just working with him tonight to get the presentation finished. All of the research and writing were done, so between you and your dh, you could have most certainly helped him put together a 30-40 slide presentation. It might not have been the best presentation the world has ever seen, but it would have been finished and your ds could have turned in his report in addition to the presentation to further demonstrate his knowledge of the topic.

 

I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well, but if you weren't up to helping your ds, your dh should have helped him. A little one-on-one help and encouragement may have gone a long way toward building your ds's confidence, instead of making him worry about going to class tomorrow with an unfinished presentation. Also, I agree that he may not be ready for dual enrollment at the cc next year -- and I don't think that's such a terrible thing.

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When he wants to know the software or how to do it, he does. He found website to upload his music. Heck, he wrote and recorded music that he uploaded himself and none of that was handed to him.

 

I have one with ASD, too.

 

The activities you are listing above are things that he wanted to do, and maybe things with no deadline or consequences attached. Clearly they didn't trigger his anxiety. I can understand why the PowerPoint assignment was different. It isn't that he really can't do the work if calm and engaged, it's that he was in low-level meltdown because of his anxiety.

 

Does his teacher know about his ASD? It matters to his ability - not choice - to complete this assignment.

 

He does need extra support. I think he needed you or your husband directly and supportively involved from the moment he told you there was a problem. That is a realistic expectation given the ASD.

 

If the teacher knows about his ASD, or you could tell her, could you explain how this situation affected him and ask for an extension? That would be reasonable if he had an IEP or 504. He did do the work, and his disability prevented his finishing without support, which wasn't available although he made clear that he needed it. He deserves a chance to finish.

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I haven't read every.

 

He's never done power point. I would sit with him and help a lot. Maybe I would do a lot with him more reviewing what I do. At this point he may not be capable of taking over because he's too wrapped in his own anxiety.

 

You probably know this, but with a special needs kids you are going to do hand holding a lot longer. It's really hard if they are 2E and seem like they should be doing X and their peers did X 2 years ago, but stuff just happens slower.

 

Side question is the outsourced class at public or private school. In my area public school students are learning PowerPoint in fifth grade. My older two attended public high school. Before they went they needed a good working knowledge of Microsoft office, including Excel and PowerPoint. They did use those programs through high school studies in IB classes. Not daily, not monthly, but at least once a year. It was not a headache because they were already familiar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(I'm a bit jealous that meltdown in your house results in mass cleaning. I realize that may or may not be a symptom of other issues. From afar it sounds so much better than many things I've heard for meltdown)

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Sorry, I did not read the other posts.

 

I would have sit down with my son last week to help him load PowerPoint and do the presentation. He had already done the research and paper. This help would not have mattered if he was 2, 15, or 55. This help would not have mattered if he was ASD, ADD, phD, or MD. You have a skill he does not. Why would you not teach him. You taught him how to run the vacuum cleaner and all that other cleaning he did for you this weekend, right? Why stop there?

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It is hard to know when to back off and when to hand hold. I'm sorry you were sick.

 

I agree with others, though, sit with him. His other things he was doing independently weren't triggering his anxiety. They were interest led with no deadline and no one grading his final product. This is very different even if it might not seem it from your perspective. This is an assignment with a deadline and a grade. This assignment asked him to create something with a program that he has never used. It triggered his anxiety and his anxiety shut down his ability to think rationally. He finally came to you. He still had time. At that point someone sitting with him would have given him plenty of time to finish and it would have helped establish a better pattern of reaction in his brain.

 

He needs the handholding because 1. He is not at a point where he can function entirely without it. And 2. You don't want this situation to cause even more anxiety in the future. You want his brain to follow more positive patterns, establish healthier reactions. He comes to you and says I can't do this because I don't have this and that. You immediately brain storm with him a positive way on how to get this and that. He gets the things he needs while you or DH provides the scaffolding to learn how to do this new thing along with encouragement. He successfully finishes and turns it in. You praise the effort. Now next time he is more likely to come to you sooner because of the positive patterns already being established. It may take many times of doing this to really help him be independent though. That's just brain chemistry/structure/functionality at work in a kid with these types of challenges.

 

Hugs and good luck.

Edited by OneStepAtATime
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At that age, with ASD, they need to be held accountable or they will have much difficulty in the real world in a few years. HOWEVER, you or your dh should have been more involved with this as soon as you knew, as they do need more handholding with new things. This comes from first hand experience.

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I helped my Aspie ds with projects like that in high school. He had to learn all the Microsoft suite and he needed help on more than one project before he became comfortable enough to do it on his own. By his senior year, he was doing all his own work and only asked DH to edit essays and papers. But at 15? No, he couldn't have handled trying to figure out how to download it and work it. 30-40 slides is a lot. On his own, my ds could handle doing maybe 5 a day so he would have needed over a week to finish that assignment. We knew he worked slowly and scheduled his assignments accordingly. I helped him manage his time and by the time he got into college, he was doing it all on his own.

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What they all said. My oldest has a lot of Aspie tendencies, though he isn't formally diagnosed. He does have anxiety that is diagnosed. He's in college now, at the community college, and doing really well -- he manages his assignments, studies, etc. But he's still living at home, and so we  help him with stuff. This semester, we've been limiting it to serving the role a roommate or study group might serve; drilling flash cards, quizzing him before a test, things like that; since he lives at home instead of on campus, we essentially *are* his study group. 

 

But until this semester (his first semester since graduating high school) we also sat with him while he wrote papers. We helped him locate sources. We sat as a sounding board for him to discuss the research and figure out what parts to include in the paper, and what to leave out. I spent many a night sitting on my computer, him on his, just pushing him to write. Talking him through the steps, how to order the paper, etc. When he was a sophomore, it was quite a lot of help. Each semester, it was less and less help until it was just sort of my presence in the room, available for questions should he have them -- because he needs help, but hates to bother us. If I was off doing other stuff, he'd almost certainly NOT ask for help if he needed it (and then he would shut down, sit staring at the screen for hours making no progress at all, etc.). Now, he's 100% capable and does everything on his own, I no longer need to sit there, and he's still making As on everything. (*side note: I never helped him with the actual writing, only coached on proper organization, etc). 

 

Do I enjoy it? Not at all. There's many a night I'd have liked to be in bed, but instead we were up until midnight finishing the paper. Do I do it anyway? Yes, because it is my job, I believe, as parent *and* teacher to equip him with the tools he needs to do his job (schoolwork) well. He struggles with writing papers, because we never focused on that in our homeschool much. Do I penalize him for my failure to teach him this skill, or do I put in the time now to teach him what I failed to teach previously?  (answer: I put in the time now, however inconvenient, to teach him what he needs to know to succeed in school). Even if I wasn't his teacher, if we'd outsourced school all along (and honestly, this kid has been in outside English since 9th grade....), do I tell him oh well, suck it up, figure it out, or do I provide the structure and support he needs to truly learn this well enough to do it on his own? (again, I provide the support...). 

 

It's no fun, at all. I know that. It's not something I "should" have to do. I know that. He/they "should" be able to do this without our help. Yep, I know that too. But these are the kids we have, and this is the help they need, and we are the one here to provide that help. It isn't what we dreamed of or thought life would look like, but it is what hand we've been dealt.

 

This isn't what *they* would have chosen either, our sons; they don't enjoy needing help to do a simple Power Point or write a simple 3 page paper. They don't love the fact that they can compose music, upload it, do all number of things on the computer (or write comic books, stories, all manner of creative endeavors..) but not do this one "simple" thing needed for school. They don't love feeling anxious and nervous and stressed out and insecure and stomach in knots over this inability to do this thing that their younger sibling could do at a much younger age, or that their younger sibling can do now with no effort whatsoever, or that they feel everyone their age surely knows how to do. They don't love feeling dumb or like a burden to us because they ask for help, in their own way, and we shut them down, push them off till later, complain we're staying up too late, let them know how tired we are (talking to myself/about  myself here....oh my word, it's my biggest struggle, to not lose my patience with him when I am yet again sitting next to him so he can write a paper).

 

They wouldn't have chosen this anymore than we would have.....yet, it's what they need. Our job, like it or not, is to be what they need, and to try to be that help in a way that helps relieve their stress rather than adding to it. I fail at that last part, often. More times than I care to admit, my son has apologized to me for needing my help....and I have had to apologize to HIM for making him feel as though asking for help is something to apologize for. I'm getting better, and he's grown a lot. It's taken 2+ years of sitting by his side through every.single.paper. for his outside classes (and they were dual credit classes) but he is now able to do it, as a "real" college freshman, without my help, or with minimal checking in. It has not been fun, at all. But it has been worth it. 

 

Help your son with this, if there's still time. If not, help him next time. It will be worth it in the end. 

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If I had not taught ppt or presentation skills previously, I would be sitting with him and tutoring as necessary as he completes the assignment. This is a big challenge,as most of his classmates have experience at designing the presentation so they aren't just reading the slides to the audience.

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He says she expects 30-40 slides.

 

Is this an in person class or online? Either way, I'd have him skip class and work on it with him. Then turn it in late, even if he doesn't get a grade for it. 

 

Not saying that is right or wrong, but I have a teen with Aspergers and that's what we would do. 

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I think in his own way he did ask for help.  He mentioned it was due.  He said he didn't know how to handle Power Point.  He tried it when you told him to do it and struggled.  I would help him. 

 

FWIW, my 15 year old had a meltdown over the last paper I assigned.  He just could not get himself organized.  He did wait too long to do it, but I think his idea for the paper was too unwieldy.  I just sat down and helped him work through the planning of it.  I told him let this be a lesson in asking for help sooner.  He wrote the paper and we moved on.

 

 

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I also have an aspie - I would have sat down and walked him through any steps that were making him anxious.  that he was putting it off to this degree, to me, would indicate he was anxious.

 

I also have one who would barely mention anything that was of great importance to him - and only as an aside.

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He says she expects 30-40 slides.

This information gives me pause.

 

Is it possible (that being in a "catastophizing" mode) your son has actually no idea how many slides are expected -- but has replaced "I don't know, but it seems enormous" with his own guess at a number of expected slides? Is it possible that he has misunderstood the assignment and is much nearer to completion than he thinks?

 

I say this because, when speaking or teaching -- even if the "slides" contained every word the presenter speaks (which they shouldn't!) -- thirty to fourty slides creates a presentation of an hour at very least.

 

With thirty to fourty normal-use slides (containing key points and visual aids) you could present a 2.5 hour + seminar.

 

(For me, prepping lectures, anything more than one slide per two minutes would be absurd, and even one slide per two minutes yeilds a rushed pace.)

 

(Perhaps slides are used differently in a distance-education scenario... So, maybe he's right, and I'm not thinking of the correct relationship between "slides" and a verbal presentation.)

 

I sure could be wrong, but I sure would double check!

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Is this an in person class or online? Either way, I'd have him skip class and work on it with him. Then turn it in late, even if he doesn't get a grade for it.

 

Please do NOT teach the teen that skipping class is a proper way to deal with not having completed the assigned work!!!

I see this in my college students so often: they skip class because they did not complete the homework, and then are falling further and further behind.

If you have not done the assignment, the more reason to attend class!

 

To the OP: I would sit down with the teen and assist as needed. But a parent should also have caught him in the procrastination cleaning and redirected him to the work.

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This information gives me pause.

Is it possible (that being in a "catastophizing" mode) your son has actually no idea how many slides are expected -- but has replaced "I don't know, but it seems enormous" with his own guess at a number of expected slides? Is it possible that he has misunderstood the assignment and is much nearer to completion than he thinks?

 

I say this because, when speaking or teaching -- even if the "slides" contained every word the presenter speaks (which they shouldn't!) -- thirty to fourty slides creates a presentation of an hour at very least.

 

With thirty to fourty normal-use slides (containing key points and visual aids) you could present a 2.5 hour + seminar.

 

(For me, prepping lectures, anything more than one slide per two minutes would be absurd, and even one slide per two minutes yeilds a rushed pace.)

 

(Perhaps slides are used differently in a distance-education scenario... So, maybe he's right, and I'm not thinking of the correct relationship between "slides" and a verbal presentation.)

 

Yes, I noticed that too. 30-40 slides is a ridiculous amount for an in class presentation  - unless they are mainly containing images that are flipped through in rapid succession.

 

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I think some kids love stuff like Power Point.  Like ohhhh shiny...technology.  But the skill of writing a paper and the skill of putting together Power Point slides is 2 different animals and instructors seem to leave off the part about the Power Point stuff.  I don't mean the part about how to use Power Point.  Most kids can figure that out in 5 minutes or less, but I mean the part about organizing the information into a PP presentation.  So a kid not particularly enamored with the idea probably does feel overwhelmed.  But it is what it is.  It was assigned.  I would have helped.

 

My kid loves PP stuff.  So sometimes to get him to study information I have him put together a presentation for me.  He just eats that up.  But you know what he does?  He writes these crazy long slides with all the info and reads them out loud to me.  I don't care in those instances because the goal of having him study was met.  DH helps him with putting together a good presentation when it's about the presentation (my DH gives presentations for work sometimes).  It's a different skill.  A good skill to be covered, but I wonder how many teachers are breaking it down in that way when they use it.  I dunno. 

 

 

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This information gives me pause.

 

Is it possible (that being in a "catastophizing" mode) your son has actually no idea how many slides are expected -- but has replaced "I don't know, but it seems enormous" with his own guess at a number of expected slides? Is it possible that he has misunderstood the assignment and is much nearer to completion than he thinks?

 

I say this because, when speaking or teaching -- even if the "slides" contained every word the presenter speaks (which they shouldn't!) -- thirty to fourty slides creates a presentation of an hour at very least.

 

With thirty to fourty normal-use slides (containing key points and visual aids) you could present a 2.5 hour + seminar.

 

(For me, prepping lectures, anything more than one slide per two minutes would be absurd, and even one slide per two minutes yeilds a rushed pace.)

 

(Perhaps slides are used differently in a distance-education scenario... So, maybe he's right, and I'm not thinking of the correct relationship between "slides" and a verbal presentation.)

 

I sure could be wrong, but I sure would double check!

 

 

I think so.

 

He admitted to me just now that one requirement was presenting 5 pictures and give an analysis of it and he didn't want to do it. He is grounded from everything until he completes one presentation for the class, and his consequence is to complete a second video for me...about someone or something of my choosing. I am taking all electronics out of his room and I will be putting his computer back on parental controls so I can check every single place he has been until he completes this assignment.

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I honestly wouldn't give consequences for things related to clamming up, I would just announce we're going to work on it together until he gets it done, and then practice the speech 3 times, possibly taping them.  That way he can see how the presentation is going (being objective about what he cannot otherwise perceive) and if he as a meltdown about giving the presentation you can possibly submit the tape for a reduced grade.

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I think so.

 

He admitted to me just now that one requirement was presenting 5 pictures and give an analysis of it and he didn't want to do it. He is grounded from everything until he completes one presentation for the class, and his consequence is to complete a second video for me...about someone or something of my choosing. I am taking all electronics out of his room and I will be putting his computer back on parental controls so I can check every single place he has been until he completes this assignment.

Wow. That seems incredibly harsh.

 

I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish with this, as it seems like you're being very mean and punitive. I feel sorry for your son.

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Please do NOT teach the teen that skipping class is a proper way to deal with not having completed the assigned work!!!

I see this in my college students so often: they skip class because they did not complete the homework, and then are falling further and further behind.

If you have not done the assignment, the more reason to attend class!

 

To the OP: I would sit down with the teen and assist as needed. But a parent should also have caught him in the procrastination cleaning and redirected him to the work.

 

I should clarify I'd only have him skip class if all they are doing is listening to people's presentations. If it's a regular class, than no. 

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Please do NOT teach the teen that skipping class is a proper way to deal with not having completed the assigned work!!!

I see this in my college students so often: they skip class because they did not complete the homework, and then are falling further and further behind.

If you have not done the assignment, the more reason to attend class!

 

To the OP: I would sit down with the teen and assist as needed. But a parent should also have caught him in the procrastination cleaning and redirected him to the work.

 

I had to force 1dd to stay home with a temp of 102.  she was afraid of missing finals in a few classes because the teachers had all announced there would be no make-ups.  I assured her - they would allow her  to make-up that exam.  (there would have been hell to pay on the schools part if they didn't.)

 

I've also lectured a couple TEACHERS to stop delaying exams because some students in class weren't ready to take it the day it had been originally scheduled.  I patiently explained to her she was punishing the students who were prepared.

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I think so.

 

He admitted to me just now that one requirement was presenting 5 pictures and give an analysis of it and he didn't want to do it. He is grounded from everything until he completes one presentation for the class, and his consequence is to complete a second video for me...about someone or something of my choosing. I am taking all electronics out of his room and I will be putting his computer back on parental controls so I can check every single place he has been until he completes this assignment.

He was anxious, told you he needed help, and didn't get help.

 

Punishing him seems like a great way to make him shut down completely. You are increasing the stress which is preventing him from functioning.

 

He needs support, not punishment. Praise for trying, help along the way, not removal of things that may help him relieve stress. People have given great examples of what support looks like: sitting by him, helping him until he feels confident.

 

I do not understand your approach. Do you not feel supporting him was your responsibility?

 

I do know dealing with all this is awfully hard, especially when you are feeling sick and maybe overwhelmed. It can be hard to think through options when you yourself are under stress. I think that's kind of the same problem your son was having. Good luck.

Edited by Innisfree
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I should clarify I'd only have him skip class if all they are doing is listening to people's presentations. If it's a regular class, than no. 

 

:confused1:

That makes no sense to me either. Listening to other students' presentations is a great learning opportunity, since one sees how a good presentation is done and what the pitfalls of a bad presentation are. Especially a student who was unable to put his own presentation together would greatly benefit from watching a few examples.

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:confused1:

That makes no sense to me either. Listening to other students' presentations is a great learning opportunity, since one sees how a good presentation is done and what the pitfalls of a bad presentation are. Especially a student who was unable to put his own presentation together would greatly benefit from watching a few examples.

 

You are probably right. I posted pre coffee this morning. I was thinking he'd be able to finish it up and get it turned in faster if he worked on it this morning. But you make a good point. Especially now that the caffeine has hit :)

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He was anxious, told you he needed help, and didn't get help.

 

Punishing him seems like a great way to make him shut down completely. You are increasing the stress which is preventing him from functioning.

 

He needs support, not punishment. Praise for trying, help along the way, not removal of things that may help him relieve stress. People have given great examples of what support looks like: sitting by him, helping him until he feels confident.

 

I do not understand your approach. Do you not feel supporting him was your responsibility?

 

I do know dealing with all this is awfully hard, especially when you are feeling sick and maybe overwhelmed. It can be hard to think through options when you yourself are under stress. I think that's kind of the same problem your son was having. Good luck.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

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Do it today. Power through and produce something to turn in. "Weeks to do it" rarely translates to "it takes two weeks of 40 hour days to do it." Clear your schedule. Pull an all nighter. Get his favorite take-out and make it a college-prep event. Make it happen and turn in what you've got. The research is the hard part.

 

ETA: Use this as a wake up call to plan the NEXT assignment in small, manageable chunks. THIS is how they learn their limits and how much they can really pull off at the last minute. If that 11th hour panic is more crippling than motivating, then you learn to prevent it.

Edited by KungFuPanda
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Interesting. He completes it before class time. Hmmmm...... amazing. Seems he COULD do it and it was, perhaps, a normal teen advoidance thing.

Sorry to sound so clueless, Jane, but are you saying he finished the presentation?

 

When did he have time to do it, if he had school today? I thought you said there was no time left for him to work on it.

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Sorry to sound so clueless, Jane, but are you saying he finished the presentation?

 

When did he have time to do it, if he had school today? I thought you said there was no time left for him to work on it.

class is in the afternoon. Turns out, he did have time.
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I'm glad he was able to finish the assignment but sad that he was clearly having anxiety about it (as per your original post). He gave clues that he was overwhelmed and needed help. Glad it worked out for you guys.

I agree. I hope the next time this happens -- and I'm sure there will be a next time -- Janeway and her dh will help their son if they think he's getting anxious about an assignment, whether or not he comes right out and asks for their help. It sounds like he could really use that extra level of support and guidance.

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I think some kids love stuff like Power Point. Like ohhhh shiny...technology. But the skill of writing a paper and the skill of putting together Power Point slides is 2 different animals and instructors seem to leave off the part about the Power Point stuff. I don't mean the part about how to use Power Point. Most kids can figure that out in 5 minutes or less, but I mean the part about organizing the information into a PP presentation. So a kid not particularly enamored with the idea probably does feel overwhelmed. But it is what it is. It was assigned. I would have helped.

 

 

Organizing and presenting is woven thruout the NY ELA standards. Show and share in kindy advances to where a college prep high school student can be comfortable presenting his research or talking to a scholarship committee. 4H and scouts also have opportunities for polishing presentation skills with a mentor. The OP needs to remediate. College,depending on his path,may task the student with group presentations.

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