Adulting School

[Lady Florida.]

Also, much of these skills actually used to be part of a core high school education...now they aren't available even if kids want them. So it's not accurate to say they were always handed from older to younger generation within the family.

 

 

Some were taught and some weren't. Some went in waves. Some depended on the school system. When I was in 8th grade in NJ, part of math class was learning how to write checks and balance a checkbook (a very important life skill at one time). My mother told me she wished they had taught that when she was in school. She was in the same school system 25 years earlier. When I was teaching in Florida in the 80s and 90s, the only kids who learned those skills were those learning functional math for living. IOW, you kids aren't going far in life so let's at least teach you basic life skills. 

 

So, here's a skill that at one time was a big part of adulting. My mother's generation wasn't taught that skill. In the same school system 20+ years later (I even had one of her former teachers) everyone in my school was taught this as part of the regular curriculum. And 20+ years after that in a different school system the only kids taught that skill were those deemed not likely to do much beyond just working for a living (no real career options). 

Edited February 22, 2017 by Lady Florida.

[bettyandbob]

I suspect the draw for the Adulting Class is more social. I just don't think it's worth paying for unless you need the social outlet. The only adult skills that are specialized enough that you might pay for are car maintenance. 

 

Home Depot and Lowes used to have free "classes" on the weekends. I'm not sure they still do. Little skills like drywall repair, repairing a toilet, wallpapering, etc. 

 

For basic car care my local school district has an adult ed class in this offered regularly, usually a couple hours a week for four weeks. Anyone getting a car should familiarize themselves with the maintenance schedule for the vehicle. Maintenance schedules are well known, regularly mentioned in commercials. Maybe that's white noise. But when I get an expensive item I try to learn how to care for it. 

 

Cooking I'd go to youtube. Or get a good cookbook that has picture demonstration like Julia Child's The Way to Cook. Someone who wants to master basic skills could set a schedule to work methodically through the book.

 

Laundry. Most people shrink their favorite sweater or turn all their whites pink and then figure it out. It's just not that hard. Separate lights and darks and read labels. 

 

Folding. hmmm. I guess if I wanted direction today, I'd go to youtube. If I could find directions on how to repair my cars sunroof, I'm sure someone has a video of folding. 

 

How to eat in a formal setting. Lots of etiquette books out there. I'm sure there are whole websites devoted to etiquette. Wait for everyone to be served. if there are lots of utensils, start with the outside ones. I'm sure etiquette books and websites can give direction on all sorts of social behavior like how to dress for various events and act in an interview. 

 

My bank explained how to balance my check book when I was 16. The bank my kids use has opportunities for them to learn. 

 

Cleaning. I think cleaning is pretty obvious, but again youtube. The one thing I think should be highlighted is that products containing Ammonia should never be used with products containing bleach. This is dangerous (seriously damaging to lungs) and not all products containing these common ingredients have warning labels. My friend who is an ER nurse says she frequently sees foriegn born domestic or hotel maids with respiratory injuries from this. 

 

I guess the class that covered some of these skills would be good from the social aspect for persons who like to have others to commiserate with. ETA one can probably free instruction from a variety of sources for almost all the "adulting" skills. 

 

 

Edited February 22, 2017 by Diana P.

[Murphy101]

There's lots of basic stuff I didn't learn until older and stuff I still haven't ever learned.

 

It's cheaper to pay to have your oil changed here. So even though a couple of my boys and dh know how to do it, we rarely do it ourselves. Unless you have a pneumatic drill, you aren't getting my tires off. We call AAA for flats.

 

I put gas in my van about... idk.. twice a year? It's not rocket science, but dh likes doing it for me bc he knows the fumes make me queasy. And now that I have older kids, I usually have them do it.

 

And some stuff I learned younger but didn't value like I should until I was much older. Like crochet and knitting and sewing. And btw, it takes lots of money over time to learn those skills. Many people are hesitant to spend the money until they know if it's worth it to them. I knit every day, so a set of interchangeable needles for $110 is completely worth it to me. My kids are taking a sewing class this spring break. It's $200 each for 15 hours of instruction and all the materials to make 3 projects which include button hole making, zippers, and more but when done they get to take the sewing machine home. I'm paying extra to upgrade to a nicer sewing machine bc I'm banking that it'll be worth it in the long term. But that's not chump change to us. I've had more than one person suggest several negative comments about this. That's it's a useless thing to learn bc they will just buy what they want when grown. That it's weird one of my boys are going too. I disagree. It's a life skill I've always wished I knew even if it wasn't something I particuliarly enjoyed. It's an art and I'm a firm believer that arts are the point of academics and the foundation to a productive society. And my sons are being raised to be confident in their masculinity. The notion that applying needle to fabric makes them wusses is just stupid nonsense I refuse to tolerate.

 

I don't know. While I think some of this adulting class is silly, I'm all for people making an effort to learn and improve their lives. Beats pinning on Pinterest but not actually doing anything.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Uh yeah changing your own oil doesn't save money unless you have to (for some reason) change your oil a lot.  My neighbor changes his own oil, but he is on the road constantly.  I suspect he also just throws the oil out (saving money, but a no no). 

[Wheres Toto]

Given all the books, websites, videos, etc. about cleaning and organizing your house, budgeting your money, raising children, I would guess these aren't skills that come naturally to a lot of people, or were taught by parents.  

 

We see it on here all the time.  Wasn't there a thread last week about if anyone has figured out a cleaning routine?  A real long thread last year about Konmari?  David Ramsey isn't making big bucks because budgeting is easy to figure out.

[marbel]

Plus "You could watch a video on Youtube" vs. You could go out and make friends with actual people? There's a lot of complaining about how this generation is socially hampered by their social media and internet addiction ;)  KWIM?

 

This has me wondering - is there a lack of social outlets for adults?   Maybe this isn't the case so much anymore, but I used to take fun classes through community college and other organizations.  Hiking and other events with the Sierra Club.  A "cooking for singles" class. Fitness classes.  My husband and I took wine-tasting classes together for a few years and for a while we got together with others from the classes for casual wine-tasting nights and trips to wineries (helped that we lived in northern CA then).  

 

Every now and then I hear commercials for a company that has events for single people They plan the events; you pay and show up.  It sounds like they have fun events though maybe the "singles" aspect of it might be a turnoff for some people.  I know around here there are running and cycling clubs.  

 

I don't know; I'm not trying to be all "back in my day things were better" (read in your best geezer voice) but when I was a single youngish adult there seemed to be loads of opportunities to get out with people, meet people, etc.   Is that just not the case anymore? 

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited March 2, 2017 by --Kathy--

[Jean in Newcastle]

This has me wondering - is there a lack of social outlets for adults?   Maybe this isn't the case so much anymore, but I used to take fun classes through community college and other organizations.  Hiking and other events with the Sierra Club.  A "cooking for singles" class. Fitness classes.  My husband and I took wine-tasting classes together for a few years and for a while we got together with others from the classes for casual wine-tasting nights and trips to wineries (helped that we lived in northern CA then).  

 

Every now and then I hear commercials for a company that has events for single people They plan the events; you pay and show up.  It sounds like they have fun events though maybe the "singles" aspect of it might be a turnoff for some people.  I know around here there are running and cycling clubs.  

 

I don't know; I'm not trying to be all "back in my day things were better" (read in your best geezer voice) but when I was a single youngish adult there seemed to be loads of opportunities to get out with people, meet people, etc.   Is that just not the case anymore? 

 

Those classes are still out there. 

[regentrude]

This has me wondering - is there a lack of social outlets for adults?  ...

 

when I was a single youngish adult there seemed to be loads of opportunities to get out with people, meet people, etc.   Is that just not the case anymore? 

 

There still are lots of opportunities for adults. Even in my small town. Aside from church related activities which many people are involved in, there are community choir, community theatre, fitness classes, crafts classes or BYOB-get-together-and-bring-a-project, yoga, pottery, book clubs, groups that hike or bike together.

Or just the plain old getting together with friends at somebody's house and hanging out.

Edited February 22, 2017 by regentrude

[marbel]

There still are lots of opportunities for adults. Even in my small town. Aside from church related activities which many people are involved in, there are community choir, community theatre, fitness classes, crafts classes or BYOB-get-together-and-bring-a-project, yoga, pottery, book clubs, groups that hike or bike together.

Or just the plain old getting together with friends at somebody's house and hanging out.

 

I think, for some people, this is part of the problem.  They don't know people to get together to hang out with.   Not necessarily people who are taking the 'adulting' classes - but if some people are taking them for the social opportunity, I'd guess it's partly because they don't have people in their lives to be social with.

 

When I was newly divorced, I had friends I worked with.  But I was still lonely and wanted to expand my friendship "pool" so to speak.  That's when I started taking classes, hiking with a group, etc.  

[Guest]

There still are lots of opportunities for adults. Even in my small town. Aside from church related activities which many people are involved in, there are community choir, community theatre, fitness classes, crafts classes or BYOB-get-together-and-bring-a-project, yoga, pottery, book clubs, groups that hike or bike together.

Or just the plain old getting together with friends at somebody's house and hanging out.

Yes, if anything, I think the opportunities are more extensive than years ago. You can now go to Meet Up online and find kindred spirits who enjoy Indian food or square foot gardening or speaking French or training agility dogs. The library is packed with programs - come and knit, read detective stories, learn 3-D printing, play board games. Park and rec has all kinds of classes and programs. Churches and community groups abound. I grant you I don't live in a remote area, but around here at least, I am spoiled for choice.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think, for some people, this is part of the problem.  They don't know people to get together to hang out with.   Not necessarily people who are taking the 'adulting' classes - but if some people are taking them for the social opportunity, I'd guess it's partly because they don't have people in their lives to be social with.

 

When I was newly divorced, I had friends I worked with.  But I was still lonely and wanted to expand my friendship "pool" so to speak.  That's when I started taking classes, hiking with a group, etc.  

 

I don't.  Sure I could join groups and I'm kinda on the lookout for one, but I haven't found one that interests me.  But this isn't going to mean people will start inviting me over. 

 

So I could imagine people joining a group with a somewhat "ok" theme just to meet people. 

 

I actually thought about joining a meetup group for people with social anxiety.  I don't have social anxiety, but their activities involve just meeting up and being in the same room together.  That sounds like my idea of a good time. LOL  I'm slow to warm up I guess.

[TravelingChris]

In a city in my state, a group has organized classes to help poor kids get and keep jobs.  The classes go over how you can't be late, you should volunteer to do something extra if you aren't busy, you shouldn't talk smack at work, etc, etc.  Much more basic skills than cooking or oil changes.  When dh and I were newly married, we did do our own oil changes for a number of years.  As we got more money, we started using services.  We have never taught our kids how to do that but our son has learned all sorts of car maintenance and repair through youtube.

[Murphy101]

I don't. Sure I could join groups and I'm kinda on the lookout for one, but I haven't found one that interests me. But this isn't going to mean people will start inviting me over.

 

So I could imagine people joining a group with a somewhat "ok" theme just to meet people.

 

I actually thought about joining a meetup group for people with social anxiety. I don't have social anxiety, but their activities involve just meeting up and being in the same room together. That sounds like my idea of a good time. LOL I'm slow to warm up I guess.

Get thy self to a yarn store and learn to knit or crochet. Just meeting up in the same room together is pretty much the core of what we do! Lol

[Bluegoat]

I have kind of mixed feelings.

 

I can think of a few things I missed out on completely.  Cars, for example.  I learned to drive, but I had no idea about other aspects of car ownership or care.  Partly because I am just not interested, but I also moved out and then didn't deal with a car for years.  I learned to change a tire and drive standard in the army, and the paperwork after I married.  If my dh dies or runs off, I'll never have a car.

 

And I also know that when my mom talks about things she learned in home ec, I often think - wow, I wish we learned that.  My mom wasn't a great teacher, for various reasons, so she wasn't really the person to teach me, say, how to mend.

 

OTOH = who the heck can't figure out how to use a dishwasher, or fold sheets?

[SparklyUnicorn]

Get thy self to a yarn store and learn to knit or crochet. Just meeting up in the same room together is pretty much the core of what we do! Lol

 

Yeah I don't really have an interest.  I tried it and didn't enjoy it. 

[gaillardia]

The organic bread I used to buy needed to be refrigerated. 

 

Diana P.: My dh changes our oil out on the driveway and then pours the oil from the catch pan into the oil jugs he just emptied into the motor, and takes it to an oil recycling place, usually an auto repair shop.

 

When I thought I was a big girl in the city and my gf and I were out late, I kept trying to hail a taxi. I finally stepped out into the street and waved my arm. The cab driver thought I was very amusing. "You're not from around here, are you?" I said, "you guys don't know how to tell someone needs a RIDE?" It was 11 p.m., hardly a soul in sight, except all of these yellow taxis flying past. Sheesh. City slickers. So, put that on the list too.

How to hail a taxi.

 

I have a dd at college with roommates and previous roommates who do not know how to do much. And other roommates who are or were totally obsessive about keeping the apartment clean. In another situation, a roommate was babysitting a puppy on weekends (not allowed) and NEVER cleaning up the puppy's messes. Mostly because she does not know how to take care of a puppy. 

My dd doesn't like cleaning up after anyone else, who does, but they'd leave dishes with food in the sink and it would grow mold and they'd still not take care of it. They wouldn't even scrape their plates into the trash or the disposal. She has seen a lot more than this but this will do for now.

 

[ondreeuh]

ETA: Never mind. Someone else posted about refrigerating bread.

 

????

 

My refrigerated bread is not dry. We buy whole wheat loaves in bulk, freeze them, and thaw one at a time. Straight out of the fridge it is a little stiffer than at room temp, but it takes minutes to warm up. Who knew people would split hairs about this?

[ondreeuh]

My hubby decided to start changing our own oil. He bought the oil from a shop but then ran out of time to do it. The oil change place charged like $5 more than my hubby paid for oil (obviously, they get it at wholesale or something). I see no reason to do it myself.

 

My dd has been doing her own laundry since she was 11. She was stymied by a problem with the prepaid card she has to use at her apartment building. She had to call a couple of people to get it worked out - but it took her forever to make the call. It's not that she can't do it, but more of a shyness thing. And she's a huge procrastinator. I can't see how it's a parenting fail if she knows how to problem solve but avoids it.

 

I think many of you are oversimplifying things by saying to just look it up. Sure, if you have a specific question about how to do something, it's easy to find a YouTube video. We've used those to learn how to change filters in our water softener, clean paint from a window, flush the radiator fluid in the car, etc. But it's more complicated when you are looking for something about which there are many opinions. Let's say you have been cleaning your kitchen with a  washcloth and dish soap for years and never thought much about it. Something causes you to question your method, so you look that up online and get twenty different blogs about people swearing that THEIR method is the best - how do you choose between vinegar, essential oils, Clorox wipes, Mrs. Meyers, Simple Green, etc.? Blogs and YouTube vlogs are full of people who try to earn a living dispensing unique advice. How do you sort through the BS? 'Cause there is a lot of BS.

 

Let's say you want to work on a budget - every program is different, some tell you that you can't be trusted to use a credit card, others tell you it's important to build credit ASAP, some want you to use cash in envelopes, others tell you to charge everything to one card that earns airline miles, some have you entering every receipt into software. It can become overwhelming to figure out what you need for your situation.

 

I'm a pretty good autodidact. I have learned a ton on my own by seeking out resources - cooking, knitting, teaching, pet care, blah blah blah. But there are some things I've never really thought too much about but maybe I should - like I clean when it's messy or when I think of it. Maybe I should have been teaching my kids to split chores up throughout the week so things are done regularly? Maybe dusting and window washing is supposed to be done more than once a month? LOL. I avoid schedules, but I can see how it might be setting my kids up for failure to only clean when they can see dirt because they have dirt blinders at times. What works for me isn't necessarily going to work for them). On the plus side, we are exceptionally healthy. :thumbup1:

 

 

 

 

[bettyandbob]

My hubby decided to start changing our own oil. He bought the oil from a shop but then ran out of time to do it. The oil change place charged like $5 more than my hubby paid for oil (obviously, they get it at wholesale or something). I see no reason to do it myself.

 

My dd has been doing her own laundry since she was 11. She was stymied by a problem with the prepaid card she has to use at her apartment building. She had to call a couple of people to get it worked out - but it took her forever to make the call. It's not that she can't do it, but more of a shyness thing. And she's a huge procrastinator. I can't see how it's a parenting fail if she knows how to problem solve but avoids it.

 

I think many of you are oversimplifying things by saying to just look it up. Sure, if you have a specific question about how to do something, it's easy to find a YouTube video. We've used those to learn how to change filters in our water softener, clean paint from a window, flush the radiator fluid in the car, etc. But it's more complicated when you are looking for something about which there are many opinions. Let's say you have been cleaning your kitchen with a  washcloth and dish soap for years and never thought much about it. Something causes you to question your method, so you look that up online and get twenty different blogs about people swearing that THEIR method is the best - how do you choose between vinegar, essential oils, Clorox wipes, Mrs. Meyers, Simple Green, etc.? Blogs and YouTube vlogs are full of people who try to earn a living dispensing unique advice. How do you sort through the BS? 'Cause there is a lot of BS.

 

Let's say you want to work on a budget - every program is different, some tell you that you can't be trusted to use a credit card, others tell you it's important to build credit ASAP, some want you to use cash in envelopes, others tell you to charge everything to one card that earns airline miles, some have you entering every receipt into software. It can become overwhelming to figure out what you need for your situation.

 

I'm a pretty good autodidact. I have learned a ton on my own by seeking out resources - cooking, knitting, teaching, pet care, blah blah blah. But there are some things I've never really thought too much about but maybe I should - like I clean when it's messy or when I think of it. Maybe I should have been teaching my kids to split chores up throughout the week so things are done regularly? Maybe dusting and window washing is supposed to be done more than once a month? LOL. I avoid schedules, but I can see how it might be setting my kids up for failure to only clean when they can see dirt because they have dirt blinders at times. What works for me isn't necessarily going to work for them). On the plus side, we are exceptionally healthy. :thumbup1:

 

 

I think this may be overthinking.

 

Overthinking is different from not knowing how. I this "adulting" trend is geared toward the person who doesn't know how, doesn't have a clue how to figure out what to do. If you look it up, you just start with the method that makes sense to you. Pick the method that meet you--you can choose

the green living approach

the economical approach

the time saving approach

 

Just pick and go. Once you have a method, you know how to do ---. You may decide to do --- by a new method later. You may decide the first method you picked doesn't match a new life style you have. Whatever. Go with a new method. You still know how to do ---. The first way wasn't wrong. 

 

If you get flustered and give up because you can't choose something, then you have another issue altogether. Just like your example with your dd, she knew what to do, but something else was preventing her from doing it. 

 

That's where some more nebulous skills come into play:

How do I handle something new?

How do I handle change in a situation?

How do I learn something new?

ect. 

Being able to adapt and find answers is probably more important than the specific skills (sewing a button, changing tires, living within budget, etc)

 

Maybe the problem is some people have had so much taken care of for them that they never learned how to gather information and make a decision to create a needed solution. 

 

Adulting is not simply a cookbook list of skills. It is about adaptability and handling challenge. 

[MotherGoose]

I can cut the parents some slack. Two parents working, homework and kid activities take up a lot of time. Things fall through the cracks.

I can see this, but then my parents both worked (although they were teachers and had the summer off, so that helped) and managed to achieve teaching me how to be an adult. So did most of the people I know. I did have home economics in high school, and I somehow managed to spend a portion of 9th grade cooking, and still graduated with honors:)

[Wheres Toto]

I think that ties back to what I said about resourcefulness though.  It's absolutely true that all those resources are out there.  Part of being an adult is being resourceful enough to to access those resources (and I am not talking about having financial resources as MANY MANY resources are free....library to borrow books on housekeeping, Dave Ramsey lists all his baby steps and offers his budgeting software all for free, instructions for using the washing machine come with the machine, etc) And yet, here we are with it being packaged up for these adults all together in a "how to be an adult class" which...as far as I can tell, isn't teaching people how to be resourceful either lol. 

 

Again, not even the most perfect parents can teach each of their children every single thing the child will ever need to use or be responsible for in terms of life skills.  That's why all those various resources exist.  But if a person reaches 20 years of age and knows NO basic life skills, then the parent hasn't done their job.  It's a parent's job to teach their child life skills, that's the purpose of raising our offspring.  That's not a reflection on the kid, as much as it is a reflection on the parent.

 

But isn't taking a class one way to be resourceful?

[MotherGoose]

I have kind of mixed feelings.

 

I can think of a few things I missed out on completely. Cars, for example. I learned to drive, but I had no idea about other aspects of car ownership or care. Partly because I am just not interested, but I also moved out and then didn't deal with a car for years. I learned to change a tire and drive standard in the army, and the paperwork after I married. If my dh dies or runs off, I'll never have a car.

 

And I also know that when my mom talks about things she learned in home ec, I often think - wow, I wish we learned that. My mom wasn't a great teacher, for various reasons, so she wasn't really the person to teach me, say, how to mend.

 

OTOH = who the heck can't figure out how to use a dishwasher, or fold sheets?

Without cars, I would never go anywhere, ever, unless someone drove me. There's no public transportation. When I was a teen, my father told me I had to change a tire completely by myself before I could leave the driveway. This was before cell phones. I complied. I also learned to drive a stick shift because the only other vehicle besides a station wagon was a stick. He showed me how to change the oil many times, but I never did it, mainly because I could pay someone to do it (at the time) for $15, and then I would've had to change the oil in an apartment complex parking lot and so something with the oil. I come from a family if DIYErs, to a fault really. I do plan for my kids to demonstrate tire changing abilities before they drive away though. Although a Good Samaritan has always come along to help me, there is a sense of peace for me when I've been stuck with flat tires and babies twice knowing that I CAN DO THIS if I have to.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Taking your car to Jiffy Lube (or wherever) is an acceptable way to change your oil. The point is to keep the car going.

 

There is no perfect way to do things. Or if there is, then I am perfectly happy with not searching it out.

 

Adulting has to do with meeting our needs and that of our family. We all have different variations of needs. We don't need perfection. Needs and circumstances change over time. It's ok for us to change as those needs change. In fact, it's preferable. I agree that posts about one "right " way to do things are overthinking the issue.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SparklyUnicorn]

 

When I thought I was a big girl in the city and my gf and I were out late, I kept trying to hail a taxi. I finally stepped out into the street and waved my arm. The cab driver thought I was very amusing. "You're not from around here, are you?" I said, "you guys don't know how to tell someone needs a RIDE?" It was 11 p.m., hardly a soul in sight, except all of these yellow taxis flying past. Sheesh. City slickers. So, put that on the list too.

How to hail a taxi.

 

 

Color me intrigued..how IS someone supposed to hail a cab?  I did hail a cab just like that and nobody seemed to think that was odd.

 

There are very few places one can hail a cab though.  In most areas you have to call them up.

[marbel]

<snip>

 

I can think of a few things I missed out on completely.  Cars, for example.  I learned to drive, but I had no idea about other aspects of car ownership or care.  Partly because I am just not interested, but I also moved out and then didn't deal with a car for years.  I learned to change a tire and drive standard in the army, and the paperwork after I married.  If my dh dies or runs off, I'll never have a car.

 

<snip>

 

Is that meant to be tongue-in-cheek?  :-)    Or do you mean you won't need one?   I'm just curious.  I find car ownership easy (if not always cheap, bu that's a different topic).  

 

I learned how to change a tire before I had a car, but I've never actually done it since.  My parents bought me an AAA membership when I got my license, and I have had it ever since.  I added my husband when we got married, and just added my son to it when he got his license.

 

Some years all I've gotten were free maps.  Then there was the year I kept on locking myself out of the car - I got my $$ worth that year.  We took advantage of the free towing when our Suburban was failing of old age.   {ETA: This was all before cell phones. I guess I was always at a place with a pay phone, which of course used to be more prevalent!}

 

I can fill the gas tank, check the oil, check and refill coolant.  I can drive the car to the mechanic's shop (or call AAA) and walk home.  I get a sticker to tell me when to get the oil changed and when to get the tires rotated.  I get a bill in the mail when it's time to register each year.  Simple.  :-)

Edited February 23, 2017 by marbel

[Bluegoat]

Is that meant to be tongue-in-cheek?  :-)    Or do you mean you won't need one?   I'm just curious.  I find car ownership easy (if not always cheap, bu that's a different topic).  

 

I learned how to change a tire before I had a car, but I've never actually done it since.  My parents bought me an AAA membership when I got my license, and I have had it ever since.  I added my husband when we got married, and just added my son to it when he got his license.

 

Some years all I've gotten were free maps.  Then there was the year I kept on locking myself out of the car - I got my $$ worth that year.  We took advantage of the free towing when our Suburban was failing of old age.   {ETA: This was all before cell phones. I guess I was always at a place with a pay phone, which of course used to be more prevalent!}

 

I can fill the gas tank, check the oil, check and refill coolant.  I can drive the car to the mechanic's shop (or call AAA) and walk home.  I get a sticker to tell me when to get the oil changed and when to get the tires rotated.  I get a bill in the mail when it's time to register each year.  Simple.  :-)

 

I'll arrange things so I won't need one.  I just don't seem to be able to get into the head-space of car ownership.  I'd forget to register it, or get the snow tires put on, that sort of thing.  I'm not a great administrator at the best of times.  Or I'd forget to put the insurance papers in.  Plus, I hate paying for all that stuff, and cleaning it.  I can change a tire and check the oil and so on.  Even stickers aren't much help because i'd forget to look at it.  I never think about the car except when I am actually in it.

 

If it's me and the kids, I'd likely live where we can walk, take advantage of public transport, and get car co-op membership.  I don't enjoy much about cars, really, is probably what it comes down to.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'll arrange things so I won't need one.  I just don't seem to be able to get into the head-space of car ownership.  I'd forget to register it, or get the snow tires put on, that sort of thing.  I'm not a great administrator at the best of times.  Or I'd forget to put the insurance papers in.  Plus, I hate paying for all that stuff, and cleaning it.  I can change a tire and check the oil and so on.  Even stickers aren't much help because i'd forget to look at it.  I never think about the car except when I am actually in it.

 

If it's me and the kids, I'd likely live where we can walk, take advantage of public transport, and get car co-op membership.  I don't enjoy much about cars, really, is probably what it comes down to.

 

I sometimes wish I could live without a car.  I do like the convenience, but yeah I hate dealing with it.

[regentrude]

Without cars, I would never go anywhere, ever, unless someone drove me. There's no public transportation. When I was a teen, my father told me I had to change a tire completely by myself before I could leave the driveway. This was before cell phones. I complied. I also learned to drive a stick shift because the only other vehicle besides a station wagon was a stick. He showed me how to change the oil many times, but I never did it, mainly because I could pay someone to do it (at the time) for $15, and then I would've had to change the oil in an apartment complex parking lot and so something with the oil. I come from a family if DIYErs, to a fault really. I do plan for my kids to demonstrate tire changing abilities before they drive away though. Although a Good Samaritan has always come along to help me, there is a sense of peace for me when I've been stuck with flat tires and babies twice knowing that I CAN DO THIS if I have to.

 

My kids learned to change a tire when they learned to drive. (Actually, to be precise: they learned to change the wheel. ) But we also made it clear to them that they should rather call AAA than attempt to change the tire at the shoulder of a freeway. I'd change my own tire on a remote desert road without cell reception. I would not risk my life doing so on the freeway. Even if I am capable of the task - way too dangerous.

Part of adulting is knowing when to DIY and when to outsource.

Edited February 23, 2017 by regentrude

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

There are so many things I didn't learn as a kid, I would've liked a class in "adulting" once I was on my own. It would've helped fill in the gaps.

 

 

 

My two cents <shrug>.

[regentrude]

I'll arrange things so I won't need one. ..

 

If it's me and the kids, I'd likely live where we can walk, take advantage of public transport, and get car co-op membership.  

 

The ability to do this is a great luxury which most of us don't have.

[TechWife]

I haven't read all of the replies. 

 

I honestly think people are giving a hard time to young adults over nothing. It is not a problem to reach adulthood without knowing everything about how the world works. People have never reached adulthood knowing everything about how the world works. We are learning new things our entire lives and many of those things are very practical skills that we pick up on an as-needed basis. 

 

There are some things that are different about today's young adults when I compare them to my own age group. First, they are more accepting of their situation - knowing they don't know everything and they are seeking the support they need to learn. Second, they are more likely to admit when they are simply overwhelmed with the realities of daily life than my generation.. Third, they are "living out loud" more than we did. If I needed to know how to do something, I might ask a friend or a family member privately whereas today's young adults ask via social media outlets - Instagram photos of the fitted sheet that they can't figure out or  that oversized dish they can't quite get into the dishwasher. 

 

I think the adulting classes are fine. It strikes me as a type of support group. Honestly, if those of us who are older are only going to complain and make fun of young adults for not having practical skills, we can't expect them to come to us for help. They need support somewhere and if more mature adults aren't willing to supply it, then kudos to these young adults for taking the initiative to find the help they need. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ausmumof3]

My parents once gifted a used car to a young adult who needed one. That person drove it until it ran out of oil, and then was surprised that adding oil wouldn't just fix it. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know!

 

My point was that there is plenty of stuff I haven't figured out. I have no clue on car maintenance. I have no idea how to use most tools. I don't iron clothes, can food, wash upholstery, and a million other things so my kids aren't seeing any of that done. And not all kids want to listen to Mom explain how to read laundry labels and such.

 

If anyone read the article, the person organizing this class is a therapist who was seeing multiple people who were stressed out about not knowing how to do stuff. So whether you like it or not, there is obviously a need. And I suspect some people go just to have fun.

 

My 20 year old could use a class like that. Lots of advice I have given her over the years was deflected. It's amazing how when her friends suggest something, she listens to them! And she was our primary dish washer through her teen years - guess which chore she puts off the most?

 

I was in the same situation and I think I even exacerbated it because I didn't want people to feel sorry for me so I was determined not to ask for or accept help. Mostly what helped was that I got married and what I am bad at my DH can handle.

 

I also feel like any list like this is kind of arbitrary. I mean are you an adult if you don't know how to grow your own veges or kill your own meat? Or is it only changing oil in the car? To me if you know it needs doing and make sure you take it to a mechanic regularly and keep roadside assistance paid that's being an adult. Or maybe you don't drive but you navigate public transport like a pro.

 

To me being an adult means figuring out a way to do or get done what you need to survive. Whether that means you utilise your skills to earn money and pay someone else or whether you do it yourself you need to get it done somehow that's all.

 

I also agree with the blind leading the blind comment. Sometimes parents give what was sound financial advice for their generation (get a degree no matter what or don't borrow money or don't have a credit card) and for whatever reason it's not viable anymore. There are some generic financial principles that carry over but specific advice can be problematic.

[marbel]

<snip>

 

I think the adulting classes are fine. It strikes me as a type of support group. Honestly, if those of us who are older are only going to complain and make fun of young adults for not having practical skills, we can't expect them to come to us for help. They need support somewhere and if more mature adults aren't willing to supply it, then kudos to these young adults for taking the initiative to find the help they need. 

 

I don't think anyone has said or even implied that if someone needed help or instructions, they would not give it.  I can't imagine anyone here making fun of a young person asking them for help or advice, or to teach them something.   But if people don't ask, no one is going to know to offer.   

[Bluegoat]

The ability to do this is a great luxury which most of us don't have.

 

Yes, but I don't really understand why you mention it.

[Guest]

My hubby decided to start changing our own oil. He bought the oil from a shop but then ran out of time to do it. The oil change place charged like $5 more than my hubby paid for oil (obviously, they get it at wholesale or something). I see no reason to do it myself.

 

My dd has been doing her own laundry since she was 11. She was stymied by a problem with the prepaid card she has to use at her apartment building. She had to call a couple of people to get it worked out - but it took her forever to make the call. It's not that she can't do it, but more of a shyness thing. And she's a huge procrastinator. I can't see how it's a parenting fail if she knows how to problem solve but avoids it.

 

I think many of you are oversimplifying things by saying to just look it up. Sure, if you have a specific question about how to do something, it's easy to find a YouTube video. We've used those to learn how to change filters in our water softener, clean paint from a window, flush the radiator fluid in the car, etc. But it's more complicated when you are looking for something about which there are many opinions. Let's say you have been cleaning your kitchen with a washcloth and dish soap for years and never thought much about it. Something causes you to question your method, so you look that up online and get twenty different blogs about people swearing that THEIR method is the best - how do you choose between vinegar, essential oils, Clorox wipes, Mrs. Meyers, Simple Green, etc.? Blogs and YouTube vlogs are full of people who try to earn a living dispensing unique advice. How do you sort through the BS? 'Cause there is a lot of BS.

 

Let's say you want to work on a budget - every program is different, some tell you that you can't be trusted to use a credit card, others tell you it's important to build credit ASAP, some want you to use cash in envelopes, others tell you to charge everything to one card that earns airline miles, some have you entering every receipt into software. It can become overwhelming to figure out what you need for your situation.

 

I'm a pretty good autodidact. I have learned a ton on my own by seeking out resources - cooking, knitting, teaching, pet care, blah blah blah. But there are some things I've never really thought too much about but maybe I should - like I clean when it's messy or when I think of it. Maybe I should have been teaching my kids to split chores up throughout the week so things are done regularly? Maybe dusting and window washing is supposed to be done more than once a month? LOL. I avoid schedules, but I can see how it might be setting my kids up for failure to only clean when they can see dirt because they have dirt blinders at times. What works for me isn't necessarily going to work for them). On the plus side, we are exceptionally healthy. :thumbup1:

The bolded is where I don't understand your worry. If you use a washcloth and dish soap to clean the counters, and this works and makes the counters clean, who cares how someone else does it? The youtube videos are merely one person's way of doing it. I have a way to clean things and have shared certain things on this board. But I don't think someone else is doing it "wrong" if they do it differently. I can't stand using those wipes for things, personally, but lots of folks love them and use them every day.

 

With frequency of cleaning chores - again, who cares? I have sort of a reputation for having a clean house but I don't follow a schedule for most things. (But some people may need that schedule and that's perfectly fine!) I generally clean things when these two circumstances occur simultaneously: something needs to be cleaned; I have time to do it. My kids are learning that sheets need to be washed from time to time, day, but they aren't learning from me what interval this must be. Even if I did insist they wash sheets every Tuesday, once they go off to college, all bets are off. Once they are adults they will either have to come up with a frequency that suits them or they will sleep on sheets until they turn brown. By then it is no longer my problem, even if this is not what I hope for.

 

You can always ask on here what people do and many people do ask questions like this to get an idea of what the majority do. I remember asking some questions about how people do laundry; the variety of answers was fascinating.

[Guest]

I taught my son so many of these things...but he is the sort that is going to have to learn by life experience.  He always has been this way.  So I can yammer all I want about how important it is to pay bills on time.  But until he gets dunned, he is not going to believe me.  

 

This is not from my gene pool.  I don't understand it.  

 

There is a lot of room for mistakes in the 20s.  I pray this is when my son makes is mistakes.  I have a person in my life who I describe as an 18yo trapped in a 50yo's body.  SHE doesn't have the time to make these mistakes...even though she keeps making them.  

 

I did my best.  I wash my hands at this point.  If my offspring catches on and says he wants to go to adulting school, I'll say, Bully for you.  But I won't foot the bill.    

 

ETA:  when one delivers to one's offspring a classical education, there is not always time for car repair instruction.  DS is learning this now with his dad.  Same with some other stuff.  Maybe it was a waste of time learning to decline nouns...but I don't think so.  My ds is actually designing what is essentially the "grammar" of a software platform.   He learned this through Latin.  

 

So maybe it is really OK.  :0)

 

ETA 2:  And maybe it is pretty cool that my dh and my ds are sitting in the family room discussing the relative merits of Egyptian vs. Roman architecture.  LOL. (I'm going upstairs . I can't stand arguments.)

 

[Ausmumof3]

Idk. I was motivated but few websites and such self help was not useful. The poor people budgeting is an tricky art that is rarely addressed. Oh you need to save money? Well just buy less $6 lattes and get a smaller cable package. Seriously. I never did either of those things. The information for low to modest income management is a joke. A condescending ignorant joke.

I know right... Just eat out less...😆 What like less than once a year?

[marbel]

Idk. I was motivated but few websites and such self help was not useful. The poor people budgeting is an tricky art that is rarely addressed. Oh you need to save money? Well just buy less $6 lattes and get a smaller cable package. Seriously. I never did either of those things. The information for low to modest income management is a joke. A condescending ignorant joke.

 

Budgeting is not the only area where instructions start at the most basic level.

 

Want to lose weight/control blood sugar?  "Stop drinking sugary drinks."  As if no one has ever thought of and started doing that already.   

 

But, have to start somewhere. And, honestly, I know a lot of people who complain about never having any money but get their daily $5 mocha.  

[MotherGoose]

My kids learned to change a tire when they learned to drive. (Actually, to be precise: they learned to change the wheel. ) But we also made it clear to them that they should rather call AAA than attempt to change the tire at the shoulder of a freeway. I'd change my own tire on a remote desert road without cell reception. I would not risk my life doing so on the freeway. Even if I am capable of the task - way too dangerous.

Part of adulting is knowing when to DIY and when to outsource.

Definitely! But when I learned to drive there was no way to call AAA from a remote highway. You were stuck. And many of the roads I traversed were rural country roads. Things are different now, but what if you have a flat and no cell service where you are?

[Ausmumof3]

I think gaps are inevitable--there is just no way for one person to learn every possible skill in 18 years.

 

My family country hopped through much of my childhood. I picked up bits and pieces of lots of stuff and ended up as full of knowledge holes as Swiss cheese. Gaps seem like a totally normal part of life to me.

 

Your toothbrushing example made me laugh--lots of people with executive function difficulties in this house, I'm sure at least half of us never manage to follow your nicely ordered set of steps. My kids each have their very own labeled drawer to keep their toothbrush in, but half the time no one knows where their toothbrush is.

Yep my kids literally rarely ever put the cap back on. They also squeeze too much out and make a mess. They also forget to rinse the sink. Not for lack of teaching though.

[kitten18]

When you look around and go, "huh, I don't like eating out all the time, but I never learned how to boil water. I think I am going to look up to see if there's a cooking class at the community center," that's being resourceful. When someone has to design a class to teach a bunch of very basic skills, like how to fold a sheet, and then basically drop it in the laps of 20 yr olds, that's not what I would call being resourceful.

How is it different if the class is created for a community center or for a place for 20 year olds?

[Lady Florida.]

Here in Central Florida you can eat all your bread in a day or two, you can refrigerate it, or you can have moldy bread. Since we're not big bread eaters it goes in the fridge after the second day. This is true whether it's homemade, store bought, or bakery bread. 

[lailasmum]

I think life skills classes are a good idea. I have a very practical mum but not in housekeeping type areas. She passed on gardening and DIY skills but nothing much relating to cleaning/cooking or money. I learned to cook after I had kids because I didn't grow up around anyone who knew what they were doing in the kitchen.

 

My husband's father was a chef and he didn't bother to teach either of his kids to cook for some reason.

 

It's so useful to not have to rely on your parents for these skills. I hope to teach useful skills to my kids but I can see one of them will be resistant to it. It's just the way he is.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Here in Central Florida you can eat all your bread in a day or two, you can refrigerate it, or you can have moldy bread. Since we're not big bread eaters it goes in the fridge after the second day. This is true whether it's homemade, store bought, or bakery bread. 

 

ah yup....I tested this myself...once left a pack of hot dog buns in the car, by the next day they were moldy and those were the loaded with preservatives kind

[marbel]

ah yup....I tested this myself...once left a pack of hot dog buns in the car, by the next day they were moldy and those were the loaded with preservatives kind

 

Ewww.... :-)

 

Bread will last better if you freeze it.  Here in PA it's hot and humid in summer (not FL hot, but hot and sticky).  We freeze the bread after a day, and take out slices (or buns) as needed.  

 

Someone posted a link upthread about it. There is actual science behind the idea of freezing vs refrigerating, not mere preference. 

 

Silly thing to argue about, but... oh why not?    :lol:  :lol:

[regentrude]

Definitely! But when I learned to drive there was no way to call AAA from a remote highway. You were stuck. And many of the roads I traversed were rural country roads. Things are different now, but what if you have a flat and no cell service where you are?

 

? That's what I just said above in the post you quoted: you need to know how to do it so you can if you are on the deserted road without cell service.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Ewww.... :-)

 

Bread will last better if you freeze it.  Here in PA it's hot and humid in summer (not FL hot, but hot and sticky).  We freeze the bread after a day, and take out slices (or buns) as needed.  

 

Someone posted a link upthread about it. There is actual science behind the idea of freezing vs refrigerating, not mere preference. 

 

Silly thing to argue about, but... oh why not?    :lol:  :lol:

 

Oh I'm sure, but to me this depends on the bread and what you'll do with it.  My least favorite bread is the cheapo white bread.  Not saying I've never eaten it, but in order for me to even tolerate eating it I always toasted it.  It really does not matter if it has been refrigerated if you just toast it and it's the crappy ole white bread.  Interestingly my kids love that kind of bread.  I really don't get why people like it!  That's another discussion altogether.  LOL  

 

But if one bought a nice bakery loaf, then no.. I would never refrigerate that.

[teachermom2834]

I don't know how to change a tire.  We have always had AAA and never lived where I would travel in a remote area.  I've been driving for 25 years and I have had one flat tire on the side of the road.  

 

If I had learned as a teen and now found myself in the situation in a remote area with no cell I am not sure I would even be comfortable doing it after all these years. My dad was not handy at all and my dh was raised by a single mom who was not handy.  We are pretty bad at any kind of mechanical or handy skills.  Honestly it why I am much more comfortable living in busier areas.  We would not do well with country life or remote living.  Part of that is personality and priorities.  I am sure we could learn these things.  We are pretty good at adulting in lots of other ways.  I know we have spent more money hiring simple work out but we also have saved money in other ways.

 

People are different.  It keeps life interesting.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I can't change a tire and frankly I'm not sure I could physically pull it off.  That's what roadside is for!

 

Yeah yeah...I know supposedly 3 year olds can change tires.  Whatevs..I don't believe that's typical.