Adulting School

[Χά�ων]

http://www.npr.org/2017/02/21/510554718/adulting-school-teaches-young-adults-grown-up-skills

 

I see the need for this in more than one early to mid 20 year olds I know.

 

I am thrilled a need is being met and a bit dismayed that these skills are not being picked up naturally. I was blown away that one person is within three years of age of the oldest person interviewed in the article.

[regentrude]

"She said part of the problem is that classes that teach life skills, like home economics, aren't emphasized and there is no dedicated place to learn adult skills."

 

Isn't that what parents are for?

[Χά�ων]

"She said part of the problem is that classes that teach life skills, like home economics, aren't emphasized and there is no dedicated place to learn adult skills."

 

Isn't that what parents are for?

That was what I thought.

[Guest]

I can cut the parents some slack. Two parents working, homework and kid activities take up a lot of time. Things fall through the cracks.

[Catwoman]

I can cut the parents some slack. Two parents working, homework and kid activities take up a lot of time. Things fall through the cracks.

I don't.

 

A big part of our job as parents is to raise our kids to be functioning members of society and to teach them the skills they will need to live on their own.

 

I would feel like a complete failure as a parent if my ds ended up needing an "adulting" class.

 

 

Edited for a typo -- my iPad didn't want to believe that there is such a word as "adulting." I'm not entirely sure I disagree with iPad on that one! ;)

Edited February 21, 2017 by Catwoman

[Catwoman]

"She said part of the problem is that classes that teach life skills, like home economics, aren't emphasized and there is no dedicated place to learn adult skills."

 

Isn't that what parents are for?

  

That was what I thought.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[Ravin]

DSS learned recently how important it is to go get the pee test when they tell you to after you are injured at work: he was fired. That was an adulting lesson. He's 19. He won't make that mistake again and is job hunting now.

 

DD's adulting lesson this week: how to clean a bathtub.

 

I had to learn how to study in the military, because I was never explicitly taught those skills or challenged enough in high school to need to develop them. A girl in my boot camp division had never used a broom before boot camp. 

 

I do think two parent working households and the extreme regulation of time with structured activities maybe has shifted things, but not that much.

 

This is also very much a class-related problem. Upper middle class kids with no street sense is not new.

 

 

[Spryte]

Yep, I'm on board with "that's what parents are for."  And if we miss the boat on that - it's on us, as parents.

 

Glad there are options, though, really.  

[Catwoman]

Yep, I'm on board with "that's what parents are for." And if we miss the boat on that - it's on us, as parents.

 

Glad there are options, though, really.

I agree. It's not the kids' fault if their parents really dropped the ball. It's good that there may be a way for them to learn the skills they need without having to learn everything the hard way on their own.

[lllll]

nm

 

Edited March 2, 2017 by --Kathy--

[marbel]

Can't quote on my phone but agreeing with y'all who are saying that's what parents are for.

 

And fwiw, I can't stand the word "adulting."

[regentrude]

I can cut the parents some slack. Two parents working, homework and kid activities take up a lot of time. Things fall through the cracks.

 

But these things naturally occur when living with the teen, not as a separate teaching activity.

Like: oil change on the car the teen drives is due, so you tell the teen where the oil change place is and give him detailed instructions what to ask for (so that he does not end being talked into a bunch of unnecessary things). 

Teen gets job, so you open checking account, coach teen how to manage his money and give opportunity to make a few mistakes that don't have severe consequences.

Teen had job, gets his W2 - so you show teen how to do taxes, the next year you sit next to him as he does it himself.

Teen gets to observe how a few simple meals are cooked and the next time I am out of town, I just buy some ingredients for stuff he can fix himself and let him practice cooking his own food. etc.

 

Stuff like this. I don't sit my kids down and tell them about all the adulting skills they need to have - we address them as they naturally occur. And over the course of the teen years, they get gradually more responsibilities and get to practice these skills.

 

This said: I do, however, not teach my teens to fold fitted sheets. I don't care how they stuff them into their closet. 

Edited February 21, 2017 by regentrude

[marbel]

Though I do have to say, I might have a kid who was taught the adult skills but did not necessarily retain them all...

 

And folding a fitted sheet is a poor example. Not an essential life skill, you know? I've managed to get my sheets into a reasonable shape for putting in the closet. But, if I want to learn... YouTube.

Edited February 21, 2017 by marbel

[Terabith]

I need adult-ing school.  I've never learned to fold a fitted sheet, and I can't cook.  I am 40 and feel constantly on edge because I'm just faking knowing what to do and how to do things.  I can't teach my kids how to do it, because I don't know, either.

[regentrude]

  The kid didn't even know how to vacuum the tiny living room of their apartment.   :blink:  And his mother would descend on the apartment every so often and do all the kid's chores for him.   :blink:  :blink:  And I'm talking things like loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

 

ouch.

 

To be honest: I had never used a washing machine until I had completed graduate school! (In my first apartment, I did laundry by hand). But it's not rocket science. The first time I had to use one, I figured it out. So it's not as if these basic household tasks require decades of practice. You just gotta trust that the young people are resourceful.

If the mom had not loaded the dishwasher, I am sure the kid would have managed to figure that out quickly.

 

I do all the family's laundry - but the kids know how it works. All it takes is doing it once. And DD moving to college had no difficulty doing her own laundry there.

Edited February 21, 2017 by regentrude

[Catwoman]

But these things naturally occur when living with the teen, not as a separate teaching activity.

Like: oil change on the car the teen drives is due, so you tell the teen where the oil change place is and give him detailed instructions what to ask for (so that he does not end being talked into a bunch of unnecessary things).

Teen gets job, so you open checking account, coach teen how to manage his money and give opportunity to make a few mistakes that don't have severe consequences.

Teen had job, gets his W2 - so you show teen how to do taxes, the next year you sit next to him as he does it himself.

Teen gets to observe how a few simple meals are cooked and the next time I am out of town, I just buy some ingredients for stuff he can fix himself and let him practice cooking his own food. etc.

 

Stuff like this. I don't sit my kids down and tell them about all the adulting skills they need to have - we address them as they naturally occur. And over the course of the teen years, they get gradually more responsibilities and get to practice these skills.

 

This said: I do, however, not teach my teens to fold fitted sheets. I don't care how they stuff them into their closet.

Absolutely. It's hard to imagine that any kid who spent much time with his or her parents wouldn't have picked up many of the so-called "adulting" skills through simple observation or from the parent saying, "Here, let me show you how to do this" over the course of everyday life.

[Guest]

I think it's idiotic, to put not too fine a point on it. I have seen a book or two on this topic, and I think those are funny and informative, but seriously, I figured out all the necessary things without a class and even without the help of Google. When I needed to learn how to do stuff, I asked someone or consulted books or muddled through and figured it out as I went along.

 

And some of the things mentioned - how do you get to be 20 years old and not know how to pay a bill on time? You look at the bill and see that it says, "Due date: Feb 28, 2017." Pay it before the 28th. That's how you do it.

 

In any case, I am very much future-minded with my kids and give them many opportunities to manage things as they grow up so it's not a whole new word of ineptitude when they're on their own. I give them many opportunitites to advocate for themselves, order things, speak to business people to accomplish a task, manage finances and so on. However! Even if I didn't do this, I don't think they would need a class where someone tells them how to call the phone company or set up auto pay. I mean, come on! There's something to be said for discovering things for yourself. A lot of the best things in this world are things you're not going to get explicit instruction on and will have to wing it as you go along.

[regentrude]

Absolutely. It's hard to imagine that any kid who spent much time with his or her parents wouldn't have picked up many of the so-called "adulting" skills through simple observation or from the parent saying, "Here, let me show you how to do this" over the course of everyday life.

 

which does not mean that it won't require a great deal of nagging and reminding to get them to actually DO the things :)

[Lady Florida.]

Add me to that's what parent's are for and it happens naturally by living with a teen.

 

Some kids do have issues that make it hard for the lessons to stick. Some have parents who don't bother (or think the kid will just learn on their own). I'm glad the classes exist for them, but they should only be necessary for a minority of young adults if parents are actually being parents.

 

Can't quote on my phone but agreeing with y'all who are saying that's what parents are for.

And fwiw, I can't stand the word "adulting."

 

I thought I was alone. Most of the time I'm not bothered by new words, even if they don't seem like they should be real words. This one bugs the daylights out of me for some reason. 

[Carol in Cal.]

In "Hillbilly Elegy" there was a long section about how the normal 'adulting' stuff was explicitly and crucially taught in the military.  So others are seeing the need for this.

 

When DD started high school, she was remarkable there for being competent in using the city bus system.  She knew how to look up the schedule, figure out how to get places, and how to find the bus stops.  She became the key to independence for a bunch of the other kids.  I was amazed that this was so unusual.  But then I chaperoned a 'volunteer hours' trip to an elementary school, and these ninth graders were, I kid you not, walking in the street.  I mean, wouldn't you think that a bunch of 14 year olds would know better than to walk in 45MPH traffic?

 

It's quite amazing.

 

ETA:  It was the Lone Homeschooler kid who knew how to take the bus and stay the heck on the sidewalk.  It was the public and Catholic school kids who did not.  Just to be clear.

Edited February 23, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Wheres Toto]

I wouldn't have used a dishwasher until I was married and in my late 20's if I hadn't taken cooking classes at school.  And I remember being scolded by the teacher for loading knives blade up and her acting like I was a moron and how could I not know that.  I didn't know it because we didn't have a dishwasher at home.

 

I grew up very poor with a single working mother.  I was doing laundry, dishes, etc very young.  I was also helping to cook dinner or at least get things started pretty young.  I still hate to cook (maybe that's why I hate it) and can't manage beyond the basics.  

 

I was not shown how to balance a checkbook, pay bills - I doubt my mother wanted to share the juggling that went on.  We did clean every weekend so I had experience with vacuuming, dust mopping, scrubbing, etc.  Doesn't make me good at it now.

 

I do know how to fold a fitted sheet because my first job was domestics department for Kmart and I had to fold and shrink-wrap items that were ripped open.

My oldest knows how to clean, do her own laundry (since a young age), pay her bills, check her bank account, and can do some basic cooking.

 

My son is gifted, 2E.  Kid is brilliant with computers, a unique thinker, very smart.  He can't manage to put peanut butter on his waffles (usual lunch) despite being shown multiple times.   He can't find something in the fridge when it's right in front of his nose.  He can't figure out to check if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean if he's looking for a clean glass. I'm hoping he gets better but I could see him needing a class when he's older.

 

My daughter, who is two years younger, smart but not gifted makes her own hot chocolate every night, will slice cheese and sometimes even melt it to dip crackers in, helps her dad make pancakes, cookies and brownies, makes her own lunch every day, can sweep up when she drops something, empties the dishwasher because she feels like it.

​Both kids help do their laundry but ds needs to be shown EVERY SINGLE TIME how the machine works.

[regentrude]

When DD started high school, she was remarkable there for being competent in using the city bus system.  She knew how to look up the schedule, figure out how to get places, and how to find the bus stops.  She became the key to independence for a bunch of the other kids.  I was amazed that this was so unusual.  But then I chaperoned a 'volunteer hours' trip to an elementary school, and these ninth grades were, I kid you not, walking in the street.  I mean, wouldn't you think that a bunch of 14 year olds would know better than to walk in 45MPH traffic?

 

This reminds me of a conversation with a fellow homeschooling mom whose then 13 y/o son got "stranded" when she dropped him off at the wrong corner of an intersection in our small town, because the kid had never crossed a street on foot. 

Edited February 21, 2017 by regentrude

[Garga]

I think they could figure it out on their own, but if they can't, then it's nice that the classes are there. No one is making them spend the money on the classes. It would be different if this was a required college course that cost hundreds, for example.

 

They're choosing to take the class, so obviously they feel there's a need for the class. A few of them might walk out of the classes and the main lesson they'll have learned is that sometimes it's cheaper just to figure things out on your own. ;)

[CadenceSophia]

And some of the things mentioned - how do you get to be 20 years old and not know how to pay a bill on time? You look at the bill and see that it says, "Due date: Feb 28, 2017." Pay it before the 28th. That's how you do it.

 

 

Yup!

 

I think a lot of this is willful ignorance. These are kids.. or adults now (the same age as I am???) who have had YouTube to teach them anything for the last 10 years, most likely on a super computer they carry in their pockets.  My mom didn't teach me how to pay a bill on time (I'm sure she thought that was obvious!), or how to fold a fitted sheet, but she did teach me that eventually, I'd have to stop blaming my parents and step up to be the person I want to be. That includes learning basic skills that I realized I missed here and there. 

[Liz CA]

This reminds me of a conversation with a fellow homeschooling mom whose then 13 y/o son got "stranded" when she dropped him off at the wrong corner of an intersection in our small town, because the kid had never crossed a street on foot. 

 

This can't be right. :ohmy:

 

Maybe she was joking....?

 

Edited February 21, 2017 by Liz CA

[regentrude]

This can't be right. :ohmy:

 

Maybe she was joking....?

 

Oh no. When I expressed my incredulity, she became very defensive and launched into a long explanation why it had never been necessary for the 13 y/o boy to cross a street by himself, and why the poor child could not be expected to know how to accomplish such a feat.

[Guest]

This is seriously sad. A combo of Google and family life should be covering all these just fine.

 

If my kids need 'adulting' school when they move out I've utterly failed as a parent.

[Rosie_0801]

There is a very strong culture of the expert in some places. I've seen adults rewarded for promising to do what an expert told them and adults punished for daring to think they are qualified to use their own brain.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

This reminds me of a conversation with a fellow homeschooling mom whose then 13 y/o son got "stranded" when she dropped him off at the wrong corner of an intersection in our small town, because the kid had never crossed a street on foot. 

 

 

Oh no. When I expressed my incredulity, she became very defensive and launched into a long explanation why it had never been necessary for the 13 y/o boy to cross a street by himself, and why the poor child could not be expected to know how to accomplish such a feat.

 

 

Whoa. That could turn out to be a fatal level of negligence! Gee whiz!

[Ausmumof3]

I feel like I could do with an adulting class some days 😕 Mostly I have the skills though it's executive function issues I think.

 

I don't think it is totally due to two parent working families. If anything I think there kids are likely to be dealing with this stuff earlier in life.

[bettyandbob]

This is silly. I won't cut parents slack. 

 

I grew up in the 70s with two working parents who were gone from home 7 am -7 pm. I didn't have an allowance, but I did earn money from babysitting, housecleaning, HOA maintenance and lifeguarding. I learned to budget this money. I opened a bank account at 11 eleven when I started babysitting. These days I've had to help my kids open bank accounts because the bank wouldn't allow them to have their own accounts, but I made sure they got them. 

 

While my parents were at work I was supposed to make sure the house was clean, do laundry (I figured out sheet folding all by myself), make dinner (my siblings and I are better cooks than my mother). With the cooking I remember my dad showing us the Betty Crocker ring bound book that had demo pictures with some recipes. He had us plan meals and we had to prepare complete shopping lists. If the shopping was not done completely the previous weekend we couldn't prepare dinner, so we also needed to be able to look at the refridgerator/freezer and figure out how to alter the plan. 

 

When I got my driver's license, my dad made me learn how to change a tire and check oil. He also explained regular maintenance. Oh and I learned how to wax a car. 

 

Some of these skills I learned without input. I knew there was an expectation that I do them, so I mastered them. 

 

I think that's the difference today. I think there aren't expectations that kids be self sufficient early on. And then families never get around to all the skills. 

 

 

[Ellie]

 

And fwiw, I can't stand the word "adulting."

 

But it's such a fun word. And we understand what it means when people say it (although of course we hope that they are meaning to be funny when they say it!).

[teachermom2834]

Kids are different. I have one fiercely independent who wants to take care of all his own business and one that would let me do everything for him even though he knew how. He wouldn't ask me, because he is not entitled, but he would go to bed hungry before bothering to cook himself a burger. More lazy than incompetent.

 

Lazy kid went off to college and is "adulting" like a rock star and helping the other kids figure things out. He was exposed to how to do things and smart enough to figure it out.

 

I have tried to instill in my kids the confidence to try stuff and ask questions. I think it is more about being sure of themselves and not afraid to seek help and try things out. I think it is as much about attitude as skills. Most of these skills are not that hard to pick up.

[Anne in CA]

DD (17) just twittered about how proud she was of doing her own taxes. She had to ask dh a ton of things the first time, now she can do it. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I learned how to use a laundromat and how to manage my money at age 11 (boarding school).  None of it is rocket science.  I don't think that it is bad to go to a class though it seems a bit ironic to spend money on that while trying to figure out how to do things like save money. 

[JumpyTheFrog]

Time for schools to bring back home ec to help cover the parenting fails.

Edited February 22, 2017 by HoppyTheToad

[regentrude]

Time for schools to bring back home ec to help cover the parenting fails.

 

Time for parents to involve their growing kids in the running of the household.

[itsheresomewhere]

 

My oldest knows how to clean, do her own laundry (since a young age), pay her bills, check her bank account, and can do some basic cooking.

 

My son is gifted, 2E.  Kid is brilliant with computers, a unique thinker, very smart.  He can't manage to put peanut butter on his waffles (usual lunch) despite being shown multiple times.   He can't find something in the fridge when it's right in front of his nose.  He can't figure out to check if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean if he's looking for a clean glass. I'm hoping he gets better but I could see him needing a class when he's older.

 

My daughter, who is two years younger, smart but not gifted makes her own hot chocolate every night, will slice cheese and sometimes even melt it to dip crackers in, helps her dad make pancakes, cookies and brownies, makes her own lunch every day, can sweep up when she drops something, empties the dishwasher because she feels like it.

 

​Both kids help do their laundry but ds needs to be shown EVERY SINGLE TIME how the machine works.

So my DS has a twin.  

[JFSinIL]

I can cut the parents some slack. Two parents working, homework and kid activities take up a lot of time. Things fall through the cracks.

 

I still get surprised sometimes when my almost 21-year-old asks me how to write a check or something.  I think things we picked up from watching or helping our folks back in the day kids don't "get" now since with all the media distraction ("smart" phones etc) that exists now they simply miss out on learning some crucial skills.  Unless, of course, we catch on and teach them.  

 

DD just noted that she wants to learn how to make a roast, etc.  Things I picked up on watching/helping my Dad in the kitchen as a young teen, she does not know. 

 

I still remember my other dd calling me "Mom, I am fine, but I rear-ended another car and the engine is smoking what do I do?"  Er - turn off the engine and get OUT of the car?

 

I remember taking not just mandatory Home Ec in 8th grade, but a semester of basic Life Skills in 10th grade - check writing, stocks, insurance - and once the teacher was all excited about this new idea someone had that would make shopping faster and help with inventory tracking - the bar code!!! (I am old). 

[MinivanMom]

I know a family where the children really struggled to learn those adult skills once they got out on their own. It wasn't just that they hadn't ever been taught to use a washing machine or expected to wash their own clothes, it was that they had grown up in a home where they were told that they weren't capable of using the washing machine without permission & instruction from their parents (or another expert). Insert any other skill, and it was the same. They absolutely floundered when faced with new or unexpected tasks. They needed and wanted someone to tell them what to do and how to do it, because they had been trained that way from a young age. 

 

One kid was fiercely independent and ran away to join the military (where lots of "adulting" is explicitly taught), two floundered around a bit before figuring out that they were capable of figuring it out on their own, and the the fourth married straight out of high school & is a very passive stay-at-home wife. All of the kids moved far away from their parents.

 

So I tend to see these situations in terms of controlling parents who don't allow their children to learn they're capable versus neglectful parents who can't be bothered. Kids from neglectful homes are often super-resourceful and independent. I worry about the kids from controlling homes. I imagine that a good "adulting" class would be more about cheerleading (You can figure this out on your own! You are strong and capable!) than about teaching kids life skills.

[bettyandbob]

Time for parents to involve their growing kids in the running of the household.

 

 

This exactly. 

 

I will say that since I was home more I ended up doing more for my kids and they did not develop these skills as early as I did. 

 

I did stop doing their laundry and they learned how. 

I did make it clear they had to buy things with their own money and they learned to budget. 

They do know how to cook a few things and know what certain cooking directions mean--and they know if they want to make something special without my help how to is available in cookbooks and youtube. 

 

My ds doesn't have a license so basic car care hasn't been part of his training. dd is moving to an off campus apartment and will have a car, so we will push car care through the summer. 

 

I'm not sure why budgeting isn't obvious. You have a paycheck. You have bills. You pay the bills from the paycheck, then decide what to do with the rest. My 2E kid is slower on these skills than his sister and he gets the no money no spend thing. 

 

I guess if you leave home and someone has always done your laundry, cleaned your bath, made all your meals and given you cash for everything you won't know how to do these things for yourself. 

[ondreeuh]

Wow, many of you are so harsh!

 

I was just thinking this morning that there are a lot of useful skills I didn't learn from my family, and thus haven't taught my kids. My mother became terminally ill when I was 13, died when I was 15, and I moved out when I was 17. There is a LOT of stuff I missed. I could Google it if I needed to, but it doesn't come up because I am used to doing stuff my way, which might actually be inefficient or not really effective. Stuff like how to get stains out of clothing, how to properly set a table, how often I'm supposed to change sheets, how to keep track of vehicle maintenance, how to budget our finances, how to take care of houseplants, how to alter clothing, etc. I've guessed my way through stuff and figure it's "good enough." If I really want to know something, I do google it, but sometimes I don't know what I don't know.

 

I was thinking if we had an exchange student for a year - would they be shocked at how I clean my bathroom? Maybe I'm doing it wrong? My dd's boyfriend was greatly amused that we refrigerate ketchup and bread. Doesn't everyone? But we keep a stick of butter on the counter, which some people would freak out about. We are lax about table manners at home and don't go out to eat much, so my kids would look like animals at the table to some people.

 

My kids help out around the house, but since they're not exactly trained by a master, I have this guilty feeling like I haven't prepared them to live up to other people's standards. Now I feel like I need a 1950's homemaker's guide book. (ETA: I think I've seen Home Comforts recommended).

Edited February 22, 2017 by ondreeuh

[JFSinIL]

Hey, we keep the butter out, too, except when summer gets too hot, as otherwise it is too hard to spread on toast! :-)

[ondreeuh]

These books sound interesting:

 

The Useful Book: 201 Life Skills They Used to Teach in Home Ec and Shop

 

Home-Ec 101: Skills for Everyday Living - Cook it, Clean it, Fix it, Wash it

[kewb]

I think the classes are a great idea. I learned what little skills I had on home ec in junior high. I learned some stuff from my mother but I was a self absorbed teen and didn't think my mother knew anything or had anything of value to teach me. I certainly wasn't listening. I suspect their are lots of young adults who were like me. And sometimes our parents don't know the best way to do something and maybe these young adults want to be better.

[bettyandbob]

Wow, many of you are so harsh!

 

I was just thinking this morning that there are a lot of useful skills I didn't learn from my family, and thus haven't taught my kids. My mother became terminally ill when I was 13, died when I was 15, and I moved out when I was 17. There is a LOT of stuff I missed. I could Google it if I needed to, but it doesn't come up because I am used to doing stuff my way, which might actually be inefficient or not really effective. Stuff like how to get stains out of clothing, how to properly set a table, how often I'm supposed to change sheets, how to keep track of vehicle maintenance, how to budget our finances, how to take care of houseplants, how to alter clothing, etc. I've guessed my way through stuff and figure it's "good enough." If I really want to know something, I do google it, but sometimes I don't know what I don't know.

 

I was thinking if we had an exchange student for a year - would they be shocked at how I clean my bathroom? Maybe I'm doing it wrong? My dd's boyfriend was greatly amused that we refrigerate ketchup and bread. Doesn't everyone? But we keep a stick of butter on the counter, which some people would freak out about. We are lax about table manners at home and don't go out to eat much, so my kids would look like animals at the table to some people.

 

My kids help out around the house, but since they're not exactly trained by a master, I have this guilty feeling like I haven't prepared them to live up to other people's standards. Now I feel like I need a 1950's homemaker's guide book. (ETA: I think I've seen Home Comforts recommended).

I didn't notice that anyone said there was one way to do stuff. Just that it's probably something that most people should learn at home. You didn't have the opportunity to get this stuff at home, but you did figure it out. You have modeled something for your kids.

 

Aside from car stuff my parents didn't teach me most of this. They just had the expectation we'd do it.

 

I think there's a group of young people who have never had the expectation they should do these things that have found themselves living on their own in a clueless state. But goodness. Don't these people know about YouTube. I'm sure there are directions for all kinds of car care, house cleaning and baking.

[Liz CA]

Wow, many of you are so harsh!

 

I was just thinking this morning that there are a lot of useful skills I didn't learn from my family, and thus haven't taught my kids. My mother became terminally ill when I was 13, died when I was 15, and I moved out when I was 17. There is a LOT of stuff I missed. I could Google it if I needed to, but it doesn't come up because I am used to doing stuff my way, which might actually be inefficient or not really effective. Stuff like how to get stains out of clothing, how to properly set a table, how often I'm supposed to change sheets, how to keep track of vehicle maintenance, how to budget our finances, how to take care of houseplants, how to alter clothing, etc. I've guessed my way through stuff and figure it's "good enough." If I really want to know something, I do google it, but sometimes I don't know what I don't know.

 

I was thinking if we had an exchange student for a year - would they be shocked at how I clean my bathroom? Maybe I'm doing it wrong? My dd's boyfriend was greatly amused that we refrigerate ketchup and bread. Doesn't everyone? But we keep a stick of butter on the counter, which some people would freak out about. We are lax about table manners at home and don't go out to eat much, so my kids would look like animals at the table to some people.

 

My kids help out around the house, but since they're not exactly trained by a master, I have this guilty feeling like I haven't prepared them to live up to other people's standards. Now I feel like I need a 1950's homemaker's guide book. (ETA: I think I've seen Home Comforts recommended).

 

I am sorry you lost your Mom so young. I would never be harsh in your circumstances - and it looks like you manage just fine. I am more aghast if a young person has parents but has not been taught how to cross the street.

[ondreeuh]

I didn't notice that anyone said there was one way to do stuff. Just that it's probably something that most people should learn at home. You didn't have the opportunity to get this stuff at home, but you did figure it out. You have modeled something for your kids.

 

Aside from car stuff my parents didn't teach me most of this. They just had the expectation we'd do it.

 

I think there's a group of young people who have never had the expectation they should do these things that have found themselves living on their own in a clueless state. But goodness. Don't these people know about YouTube. I'm sure there are directions for all kinds of car care, house cleaning and baking.

 

My parents once gifted a used car to a young adult who needed one. That person drove it until it ran out of oil, and then was surprised that adding oil wouldn't just fix it. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know!

 

My point was that there is plenty of stuff I haven't figured out. I have no clue on car maintenance. I have no idea how to use most tools. I don't iron clothes, can food, wash upholstery, and a million other things so my kids aren't seeing any of that done. And not all kids want to listen to Mom explain how to read laundry labels and such.

 

If anyone read the article, the person organizing this class is a therapist who was seeing multiple people who were stressed out about not knowing how to do stuff. So whether you like it or not, there is obviously a need. And I suspect some people go just to have fun.

 

My 20 year old could use a class like that. Lots of advice I have given her over the years was deflected. It's amazing how when her friends suggest something, she listens to them! And she was our primary dish washer through her teen years - guess which chore she puts off the most?

 

[Murphy101]

Honestly?

 

There's a lot of blind teaching blind.

 

Many adults can't manage their money. (Bc many of them don't have enough to manage too.)

 

Many adults never chose a career. You know what most did and do? They need money so they get any job they can and go from there. The main appeal is that it pays the bills. Most adults never have nor expect their job to be fulfilling. Fulfillment is what the earned income helps them do outside of work.

 

I do think basic daily survival should be achieved before end of high school. How to go for a walk (city or country) that's more than one mile. How to plan for possible problems during said walk. Later how to handle long drives or drives to unknown destinations (bc google maps isn't always right!). How to be weather prepared. Basic meal requirements. How to cook pasta, eggs, follow a recipe. How to handle sickness and keep basic injury/sickness supplies on hand.

 

How to make a budget and how to adjust a budget when circumstances change.

 

Also, many adults just don't do these maintenance things. Even on this board we have had discussions that people feel isolated and a bit lost but they can't invite anyone to their home bc it's not cleaned up enough and or they don't know how to serve food or interact. Are these the same parents that are expected to teach those skills to their kids?

 

And even so. Some kids just... don't in some ways.

 

I have a grown out of the house son whom I love to the moon and back but I swear he must marry a woman who finds joy in people testing her OCD bc he is a slob. Really. It's awful.

 

And yeah. What Rose noted too. Too much relying on so-called parenting experts and acting like a kid walking down the street is worth a call to CPS doesn't help things either.a lot of parents are scared of that. And our society tells them frequently that they should be

 

Eta. I'm okay with the class. I think it's no different than learning to sew or knit or invest or garden or many other life skills. I wish there were more options for adults to learn these things bc many who would benefit most miss out. I blame it on a general malaise about the arts in general as being worthless or something only people without real jobs do, hobbies.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Murphy101

[Catwoman]

I am sorry you lost your Mom so young. I would never be harsh in your circumstances - and it looks like you manage just fine. I am more aghast if a young person has parents but has not been taught how to cross the street.

Yes! This!

 

I'm sure you're doing just fine with your kids, ondreeuh, and I'm so sorry your mom passed away when you were so young. :grouphug: