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First Year Homeschooling - SPD/ADD


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I'm feeling overwhelmed with homeschooling at the moment & could use some encouragement and some direction. My oldest is 7 (8 in June) and the past 2 yrs went to our local Christian Private School for Kindergarten & 1st grade. There he struggled with attention & finishing assignments but I always noticed that whatever work he did was done correctly. I also got a lot of complaints about his handwriting, which isn't stellar, but usually legible for a boy his age. I was encouraged to have him see a wonderful developmental pediatrician and we did in May last year right before the close of school. She originally wrote a script for Occupational Therapy and on it wrote "ADD" but we never followed through with it until after we saw her in Nov and she re-wrote the script and put "SPD". We did start doing the therapy 1 hr a week since the first of Jan. 

 

It just is that most days it is pulling teeth to get him to focus but he's smart and always grasps things quickly. I try to provide structure but not too rigid. Lots of outdoor play, he was 2 younger brothers and it can be a challenge to keep him focused and them out of the way for a short time to do subjects like Math. Grammer we switched up early on because he was bored which made it more of a fight to do. He absolutely loves the MCT Grammer Island. 

 

This morning he's been wanting to go back to his old school and his old friends & my 2nd son joined in on the request (he did 3 day a week PreK 3 there last year). Right now I almost want to let them even though I know homeschooling can be so rewarding. (Both my DH & I were homeschooled)

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

So you are saying the developmental pediatrician gave him two different diagnoses at two different times and did not ever discuss either one with you?  Never sat down and reviewed what those things might mean and what you as a parent could be doing to help?  Never recommended further evaluations?  Just slapped something on a piece of paper and off you go?  

 

 Have you ever had him fully evaluated through a neuropsychologist?  I ask because it might help to have a fuller picture and get confirmation of what the developmental ped stated, especially if that developmental ped was not actually willing to sit down and have an in depth discussion and delve further.

 

As for returning to school, for some kids that works well.  I would not consider doing so without starting the process for an IEP/504 right now, though (so it MIGHT be in place by the start of school in the fall), and doing research ahead of time to make sure that the school can provide the scaffolding/remediation he needs to successfully function in school.  Otherwise this will almost certain end with you having to pull him back out again, further demoralized, possibly suffering from anxiety and depression and feeling like a failure.

 

Have you looked into support resources to help you with homeschooling a child with challenges such as your son?  Programs for bright kids with struggles (2e)?  And are you part of any useful homeschooling groups where your kids could see other kids on a regular basis?

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How to Get Your Child Off Refrigerator( Homeschooling Highly Distractible ADHD or Just Plain Fidgety Kids)[HTĂ¢â‚¬Â¦

 

This book would give you the encouragement you're wanting. I think right now you have a lot of unanswered things hanging out there, like is that issue with handwriting normal boy stuff or an OT issue or even an SLD. You don't have the results of a full psych eval to know about his processing speed, IQ, weaknesses and strengths. There's definitely more you could do there to get more information. You might decide on some things to target as a result of that information.

 

As far as being rattled by him wanting to go back to school, well, honestly I don't give a flip what my kid thinks about his placement. He's a child and does not have complete information to make an informed decision on that, mercy. However you could spin it in a really good light, like ok he notices things socially or is socially motivated or has some happy memories... It could point you to things that motivate him and be instructive on maybe some holes you could fill in! Maybe he has holes in some areas where you could provide more (more social, more clear expectations, more routine, more definite endings, more rewards/motivators, whatever). Sure, absolutely.

 

You could also spin it the other way, like typical kid, typical ADHD, you increase the demands and he wants out. To me that's also a win, because it means you've increased the expectations and now he's having to WORK! That's not all bad!! Were your expectations realistic? Did they have sufficient supports that the tasks were in reach? Did they have copious amounts of motivators? Again, if all that is there, I don't see an issue.

 

A child is by definition a child. His requests are informative, but he is going to flounder, trying to solve his problems but not having complete information. You are the adult, and you need the information that comes with evals, with reading books on ADHD and SPD, with maybe more complete evals to know if *more* is going on, so you can put words to what he's feeling. The issue is how to put words to it and problem solve collaboratively. 

 

What is your ds valuing about his school experience? What is he wanting more of? This is a time when very active boys get BORED. Does he say he's bored? It's February. What do you have him in? I keep my ds in 6+ hours of gymnastics a week and swim team 2 days a week as well. He's outside climbing and building, lol. He's got serious, serious physical needs to move! You may need some outlets for that.

 

You may need to do more than what your parents did for you to make this work. Obviously I think it can work, but I'm just saying they may blow your pre-suppositions about how it's supposed to work and what it will take. What happened at school? How bad was it? How bad would it be if they returned?

 

When you get psych evals on them, you're going to learn some things. For instance, our first psych eval was for dd, and he had this really poignant line about how her problem solving was inefficient. Like HOLY MOLY it is! And some kids struggle to make choices or remember all their choices. So they can have all kinds of opportunities but STILL be wandering around, feeling bored, because with their EF deficits they can't remember and organize and make choices. They may have visual memory issues and forget things they own behind closed doors. They may need a bit more visual clutter so they can find things to do. 

 

I haven't done three boys, but I will say with my one boy you have to be so ON to work with him. There's no being late, slow to the draw. It's like blood in the water and sharks! It just takes so much to stay ahead of him. I don't always have that level of energy, kwim? I bring in outside help. Even with dd, who was straight ADHD, no ASD or SLDs, I would send her out once a week to her grandma's. We'd also do things like Mom's Day Off... So I think it's healthy to have some variety like that. 

 

I think work is good. I think the more work they do, like physical work, around the house work, expected behavior work, the better. Like they can take out trash and pick up their floors and turn on the roomba and unload the dishwasher. Find work and consistent things for them to do like that. Set alarms and have habits. You said you're making structure, and that's fabulous!! Keep doing it. You may need to do even more than you think. Keep going. You're probably not going to take the structure too high. 

 

You can have structure within the context of choice and freedom too. We're working on some things now where we give my ds more choice but do it in the context of having a plan, following through, etc. 

 

My dd is ADHD-inattentive, and it's a total pain in the butt. Like honestly, inattentive is way harder to teach than ADHD-combined. My ds' ADHD-combined just comes across as kind of, well you'd be surprised how much people enjoy them. ADHD-inattentive though, oh my. I have nasty memories of that. I'd consider putting the kid on meds. Like if you're not going to be able to get it workable, just do the stupid meds. You can try caffeine and see how it does. We went a lot of years in our house without meds and worked around them. It takes so much out of you. If you're game for that, fine, but meds can be a real game changer. Like LIFE CHANGING. Like most people I talk with who have ADHD-inattentive kids start the meds and wonder why they waited. 

 

So that would be another strategy. And I can talk ways around the meds too. I'm just saying they can be shockingly effective.

Edited by OhElizabeth
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The Doctor actually did talk the full length at both appointment and actually over time the first appointment. We've had a lot of struggles since before he was even 2 yrs old. She did say at the first appointment that based on everything she "could place him on the autism spectrum but that he functions so well that she did see the label doing him any good". We did discuss at the first appoint whether keeping him in our private school or homeschooling would be best. She thought either would be good for him but that he wouldn't fare well in public. 

 

We did join our local Classical Conversations Community this year when we did decide to homeschool and have been happy with that. He did have a very best friend that he misses alot and since making the change to homeschool the Mom seems to not want to get together anymore. Which is very sad. We do CC, Singapore for Math, started with A Bekah (what he was used to) but switched over to MCT (he absolutely loves) & switched over to Spelling Workout. He will do the work alot if I will sit and do the writing for him. He has been evaluated by our Pediatric Opthamologist so there are no underlying eye problems that I'm aware of. 

 

 

 

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So maybe you want to pursue some social thinking materials? There's a lot of good stuff now that wasn't available even just a few years ago. 

 

Have you thought of bringing in a behaviorist? 

 

There's really sort of this "Oh you don't need to bring in help" or "you don't need meds" BECAUSE YOU HOMESCHOOL thing going on. Like you wouldn't believe how many psychs I've had tell me that! LIke seriously, they must think we're miracle workers or something!

 

No, a ped optham would not necessarily catch developmental vision issues. Why was he eval'd by them? You would be looking for a developmental optometrist to screen for developmental vision issues.

 

Since you know there's ASD, double down on making sure those retained reflexes get checked. My ds is a competitive gymnast. Like literally, he just got 2nd at a big meet in two events! He's not shabby! And he had multiple, really serious retained reflexes, that despite him seeing, I kid you not, four different OTs. You'd be surprised how bunk practitioners are these days. You can look and look and scream and scream for help.

 

How is the sensory stuff going? Does the OT have you doing homework? Are they doing anything for emotional regulation like ALERT or Zones of Reg? 

Edited by OhElizabeth
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Social thinking involves a bunch of things, but one of the biggees when they're little is group plan. My ds is like total entropy. He wakes up in his own world, goes off into his own world, and you're like hello we have a family and a plan here!! It's really challenging to get that connection, to get buy-in, to get him sensing that there's a group plan and that he would like to participate in it.

 

The Social Thinking materials, espcially when taught by a behaviorist, can help you bridge that and start to get some click. If you're having behavioral problems or he's just like entropy in action, it might be a direction to look.

 

And yes, there's more a psych could do for you than what the developmental ped did. Did they do IQ testing? Achievement testing? Language testing? If they did those things and gave you a report, fine. If they didn't, then really you'd like that. 

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I truly feel in over my head and will need to re-read everything slowly and I'm not up on all of the abbreviations. As for the Dev. Pediatrician she didn't do anything other than talk to me & to my son. The O.T did an initial evaluation that included having him do some sort of worksheet. As for homework she has only sent home a paper with suggestions on some sensory things to try. Most didn't really apply to him at this age. 

 

He usually enjoys playing laying down and has since a toddler. For example on how he plays now, he will go lay out in the sand/dirt pile in the sunny and run cars/trucks back and forth. He does play fairly well with his brothers but also can get easily overwhelmed with them and needs to go to his room or somewhere else for quite. We do have a trampoline and I send him out to it when he gets hyper but usually he's just wanted "technology" all the time. 

 

I also struggle with my own health issues, some major ones when he was younger, and that does not help our situation any. 

Edited by sarahsheart
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Oh and the reason why I took him to the Pediatric Ophthalmologist was due to both he and his younger brother being prescribed eye glasses recently by our local Optometrist. The Pedia Ophthalmologist said the oldest didn't need eyeglasses but the younger did. Older was given a very light prescription for Farsightedness but my younger has near sighted vision. I originally took the older in to our local Dr back in Nov because he would rub his eyes a certain way alot during school work and I also noticed when reading to me he would sometimes pick up a word or two from a line down. It seemed a bit out of place to me since he would be reading pretty fluidly. 

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You may try a few OTs before you find one who is worth anything. Or give up on the OT and look for a PT. If he's lying down like that, he's low tone. He probably also has retained reflexes. Your current OT is wasting your time. They are NOT all equal and unless they took the time to learn extra things she may be of little value to you. If she does not answer your upfront questions and give you homework, move on. 

 

And yes, you want a developmental optometrist for the eye symptoms you were seeing. You were right to want help, but you need a COVD doc.

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Elizabeth, the "developmental pediatrician" did mention having him evaluated for the eye trouble if the just prescribed that week eyeglass didn't help. But according the Pediatric Ophthalmologist he really doesn't need the eyeglasses. The script for for +0.5 in each eye. We live close to Tulsa here in Oklahoma so I should be able to find someone to evaluate him properly if I know what qualifications to look for.

 

On the MTHR gene I know that I have a mutation of it. I have CHD & also have a Thyroid Autoimmune Disease. I have had him tested for full thyroid panel, CBC & the only thing that came back was low Vit D so we are supplementing liquid Vit D3 & a sublingual B12. I personally have my Vit D3, B12 & Methylfolate compounded by a pharmacy. Maybe I need to talk with our Dr's office about having him tested. 

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The Doctor actually did talk the full length at both appointment and actually over time the first appointment. We've had a lot of struggles since before he was even 2 yrs old. She did say at the first appointment that based on everything she "could place him on the autism spectrum but that he functions so well that she did see the label doing him any good". We did discuss at the first appoint whether keeping him in our private school or homeschooling would be best. She thought either would be good for him but that he wouldn't fare well in public. 

 

Well, the label can get you services sometimes depending on your state, county, insurance company, etc. (Says the mom of one with ADHD and ASD with the lightest support level needed.) If I didn't have that ASD label to toss out there, and we were just looking at ADHD and SPD, our most helpful interventions (tutoring and behavioral/social therapies) would not be as easily available, nor would they be targeted at the real problems. My son still has a very autistic processing style, and it trips him up regularly. Supports for ADHD and SPD do not address this. Bridging that thinking gap and helping him see things from multiple points of view does. That's not necessarily something they do (or do the same way) with ADHD.

 

It sounds like your son is very high academic ability as well. I have found this book to be really helpful, but I will warn you that it's a little bit dry. https://www.amazon.com/Different-Minds-Children-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1853029645

 

It's based on the old naming system (Asperger's vs. ASD + support level), but it's good stuff. It also talks about ADHD, and it talks about ASD + ADHD. I like that part because I can see how my son's ASD + ADHD mean something different than just one label or the other in some instances.

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 Have you ever had him fully evaluated through a neuropsychologist?  I ask because it might help to have a fuller picture and get confirmation of what the developmental ped stated, especially if that developmental ped was not actually willing to sit down and have an in depth discussion and delve further.

 

As for returning to school, for some kids that works well.  I would not consider doing so without starting the process for an IEP/504 right now, though (so it MIGHT be in place by the start of school in the fall), and doing research ahead of time to make sure that the school can provide the scaffolding/remediation he needs to successfully function in school.  Otherwise this will almost certain end with you having to pull him back out again, further demoralized, possibly suffering from anxiety and depression and feeling like a failure.

 

How would I go about getting an evaluating through a neuropsychologist? And what is an IEP/504? We don't have traditional insurance anymore. Our "insurance" is through Medi-Share. And they've only allowed us 23 OT appointment for the entire family and it doesn't reset each year. So basically we pay alot of things out of pocket. 

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You can get him evaluated by calling up a neuropsych and asking for an appointment. However, if you need it paid for by insurance, you might need a referral from a physician or developmental pediatrician or something. But you can simply request one and get one.

 

The rest of this is a big gulp of information, but I'm trying to keep it concise for you to come back to as needed. Some states have scholarships or services available to anyone with an IEP, so some of us have gone through the IEP process as homeschoolers to get services. I will explain more about the IEP.

 

You can get an evaluation through the public school for educational problems. It's similar to but different from a neuropsych evaluation. A NP will evaluate for lots of things and will ideally make recommendations for you. The school is going to evaluate for the sole purpose of showing whether or not your child qualifies for special education. If you have an NP evaluation, you can provide that to the school for them to use in determining whether or not your child qualifies for special education. As you might imagine, the motivation of the parties involved determine what they will be willing to evaluate and how they will use that information. 

 

IDEA is the legislation that governs how special education works. Each state has laws to comply with IDEA. The process to evaluate for whether or not special education is warranted is called the ETR process. It stands for Evaluation Team Report. Under IDEA, there are categories of disabilities that are recognized and served. Also. the level of the disability has to be enough to negatively influence the child's ability to access their education. That's where stuff gets gray, and where the rubber meets the road. The ETR Team is made of school officials plus the parents--teachers, school psychologist, therapists (speech, OT/PT, etc.). Social skills and use of language  (pragmatics) fall under speech, just as an FYI--lots of people think their child doesn't need a speech evaluation, but it's broader than speech. They pull together a report and hold a meeting where they vote on whether the child should have an individualized education plan (IEP). If a child has some needs but doesn't qualify for special education services (therapy, individualized instruction, modification of assignments, etc.), then they might be offered a Section 504 plan. That plan would allow the student to access disability accommodations (but no services). Accommodations can include things like extra time on tests, planner checks for assignments, use of a computer to take notes, etc. The IEP includes Section 504 accommodations if they apply. 

 

You initiate the evaluation process with written notice to the school requesting an evaluation for special education. Written includes an e-mail to the SN coordinator. It MUST BE WRITTEN. A phone call won't do anything, and the school may or may not let you know what the magic process is because if you don't know, they don't have to tell you. They are obligated to identify students who have special education needs, but the, um, motivation shall we say, varies from district to district. 

 

There is a whole bunch of law that protects you during this process, but it takes some grit to get through it and understand it. There are advocates out there (some paid, some free), attorneys, and organizations that can help. 

 

http://idea.ed.gov/

 

Your state department of education will have the state laws available as well as a copy of all the forms that are to be used for the entire process. 

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You've gotten a lot of advice already, but I just wanted to chime in to say that it's really short sighted of the developmental pediatrician to say that she doesn't see the point of giving him the autism label, even though he qualifies under the criteria. Honestly, that boggles my mind. Having the diagnosis can open up many doors for services, and there is no way to predict what kind of help someone will need as they progress through childhood and into adulthood.

 

I have a child who is near the border of the spectrum but did not get a diagnosis. I have peace with that at this stage, but I have definitely given the lack of diagnosis a lot of thought. If I were you, I would seriously consider going back to the evaluator for a follow up appointment and press them to give the appropriate diagnosis. You may regret not having it down the line, and it would be much easier to fix the documentation now than to have to go through the entire evaluation process again in the future.

 

For what it is worth, we recently had another of our children evaluated by a neuropsych, and at the meeting at the end, we brought up that we thought DS qualified for a diagnosis that they did not give. They heard what we said, agreed, and redid the paperwork.

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Sarah, I also have a thyroid autoimmune disease (Hashimoto's) and keep tabs on both my boys, just like you. You might be doing this already, but make sure you keep tabs on the antibodies as well. My 13 year old's TSH went down from the high 4s to 1 and change, but his antibodies are a bit high. I'm definitely keeping an eye on that. Most endocrinologists will not medicate solely based on elevated antibodies, which is why we are just sticking with our gluten, dairy, and soy free diet and just monitoring.

 

Reading your posts, I think you are doing a wonderful job of keeping up with what you see is working for your boy, and making changes for what is not working. My boys are 5 years apart and you have three close together. Pat yourself on the back for what you have accomplished so far. I'm sure it's not easy!

 

I'm not sure what I would do about the going back to school thing, but I do know that I would take my children's input and feelings into consideration while deciding. You and dad know your kids best. I'm sure you will make the best decision that fits your family.

 

As for meds that someone mentioned, more and more professionals are now saying that most ADHD kids do not need to be medicated. Just throwing a child on meds because he is inattentive is mind blowing to me! Especially if there is a possibility of autism in the mix!

 

You may find, with time, that you might need to tweak or follow more out-of-the-box approaches to reach these kids. At least that is where we are at :)

 

I somehow am just now seeing your response and I'm very glad to know I'm not along in being concerned about my child's Thyroid health. I have had our Doctor recently run a full thyroid panel that included the anti-bodies and plan to still keep tabs as he ages and hits puberty. My pregnancy with him I was Hypo and no one actually did anything about it and sadly it wasn't until he was over a year old before I started educating myself and starting seeking real help. 

 

We did talk more this morning about school and he told me he just misses his friends but doesn't want to go back to school everyday. He does love being home but I'm wondering if it's because he has more freedom, playtime & less stress for him. 

Edited by sarahsheart
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Dr. Melillo, founder of Brain Balance, has a book called *Disconnected Kids*. I got the book from the library several years ago and did not get a good feeling from it. It sounded gimmicky in a miracle cure sort of way. There's quite a bit of controversy, so unless you know this person very well, I would be a bit cautious.

You could ask the developmental ped, if you had a good feeling from the person.

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Check, but I think the Brain Balance places are looking at retained reflexes, etc., yes? One center or system might be better than another but they're at least hitting on useful things. Even if you decide you don't want to work on those things at their particular center, they're still probably going to be good things to work on.

 

The problem comes when you plunk out a lot of money to a place that makes it sound like they're going to somehow cure or make problems go away. Once your list is ASD and SLDs and... that's just not reality. But improvement, learning how to do things, sure, it's all good stuff.

 

The hard part is triaging. You find so many things and you have to decide what to work on and what might need to wait a bit...

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When a parent is expected to dish out the kind of money their centers ask for, it would be good for the parent to see more than just anecdotal evidence. Just sayin...!

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A friend of mine had good results with Brain Balance, and I think it has its uses. Centers vary in how well they tailor things--I think they do look at individual problems and work on them, but I think the work is a little formulaic unless the therapist is quite skilled. For instance, they might have everyone do exactly the same exercises for the same problems. That's not necessarily bad, but most therapists change things up a little or tweek things for each child. There are probably some centers and therapists that do. I think our local center generally gets pretty decent recommendations.

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We have tried to keep up with some of "best" school friends but for my eldest his "best friend" (which was very mutual) we haven't gotten to play with but once since we pulled out of the private school to homeschool. The Mom either ignores my request to meet up or puts me off. Plus thus boy's birthday was this month & my son was not invited to his birthday party. Really seems that they are now avoiding us which breaks my heart because my son keeps begging to see him.

 

I am planning to call our dev. Pedi in the morning & request both a referral to have his eye tracking/reading evaluated & for a referral to have him evalutated by a neuropsychiatrist.

 

Briefly, my goiter swelled up at age 17. My family only saw a chiropractor from age 18 months to age 23. He did send me out for blood work & told me my thyroid levels were off. 1 homeopathic "remedy" & a few adjustmemts & I was out the door. At age 23 my then fiance's uncle who is surgeon noticed my swollen thyroid & told me I should see someone about it. My first ever MD appointmemt as an adult was scheduled & that Dr (one of my close friend's Dad) ran levels & called to say I was "fine". Fast forward to being 1 yr postpartum at age 26 & my body was literappy crashing. Saw same Dr & he ran panels. Due to a mix up with my folder I finally went to the lab for copies & having finally starting to educate myself I saw that my TSH was Hypo & my T4 was on the very dot for the low end if "normal". Next day the Dr's office called to say "your thyroid is fine" abd when questioned about the high TSH they said "well since the T4 is in range your fine". Promptly found myself a second opinion & was finely properly diagnosed. Later I went back & got copies of my labs at 17 & 23 & sure enough. High TSH & low T4.

 

I don't know if it matters but my husband has tourrettes (diagnosed as a child) that he manages well & I have always (& still) deal with dyslexia issues.

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If your ds has ASD and has received no social skills interventions, that's probably why you're getting the blow-off from your friends, sorry. When I posted on our hs group saying I wanted playmates for my ds, people immediately saw through that and referred us to a social skills group. I was a little slow on catching on how discrepant his behaviors were. I was too used to him, too in the moment.

 

Now, after 9 months of aggressive intervention, he could have someone play for a while and be appropriate. He'd overwhelm them after a while, but for maybe a while he could be appropriate.

 

Again, that goes back to getting the diagnosis, getting the interventions. Honestly, social skills like that are going to be more readily learned with an *adult* who can put up with him, challenge him, correct him, and explain explicitly what the expectations are, rather than hoping he'll learn the social skills randomly by interactions and mess-ups with kids.

 

Sorry, I'm losing the train of things with the threads. Even if he's not on the spectrum, people with a variety of labels and non-labels benefit from explicit social skills instruction. I'm just saying I would assume that's what the issue is, since it's a logical explanation. It might not be anything personal at all. They might really like you just fine. 

Edited by OhElizabeth
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On your thyroid, sounds like you need to read Mary Shomon's book and find a new doctor. What you want is the Free T3 and Free T4. Sounds like your doc is just not current on best practices. If you don't have antibodies, you can try kelp. If you do, well then you want a better thyroid med and to get the levels up. I can definitely see why you're feeling crummy if your thyroid is low!

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Thankfully my Thyroid (& Antibodies) was fully diagnosed by the second Dr back in 2010 when my first was a baby. Now I'm actully doing quite well & have worked towards reducing antibodies & healing all my other deficiencies. That Dr was also the one to catch my heart murmur & my CHDs were discovered that same year. I had my OHS in Feb of 2011. It has been along road for me but most days I am feeling & doing much better than I ever had.

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