Weddings

[gaillardia]

Old school here. Before I got married, my dad said he wasn't going to help pay for it. (I don't know why he felt this way, both of my sisters got married at the JOP and I was not an extravagant daughter -- EVER). We got married in a park-like outdoor setting, maybe 40-50 guests, small cake was a gift, and I'd bought my wedding dress with my own money. No catering, no bought flowers, bridal party of 4, just really laid back and simple. Photographer friends.

 

I know people can afford to make a huge extravaganza out of getting married. Please tell me what you consider to be a reasonable price tag for a wedding.

I've been told to consider that a photographer alone will start with packages at $3500. I know a lot of people have friends or family members who may enjoy doing this for the couple at cost or for nothing. 

Looking around on the net I see that venues in various situations in our area can cost from a few hundred to $8000. It can include everything or next to nothing. Consider table decor, place settings, linens, etc. 

Catering, this can vary widely too, of course, but I want reasonable ideas. Let's say you're ordering from an average, low to moderately priced restaurant that caters. 

Let's say it's for a guest list of 75.

Don't forget the cake...I'm expecting between $1500 and $4000.

The bridal gown...and the bridal party...

If you have been into the thick of planning a wedding lately, past 5 years or so, or have helped a family member or close member with the planning, please give me some ideas of how it pulled together. 

I've got kids that are approaching the reality of adulthood. I don't want them to go into debt (like more than $5000) for a wedding. I don't want them to go into debt for it at all, but that's going to be their choice.

On the other end of things, I know enough people who help others with setting up in a church and make it look really nice for a reception and wedding for a fraction of the cost. This is what I would choose, but again, my kids have their own choices to make. I'm all about do it yourself as much as possible or have your family and friends help pull it together for you, not financially, but set up and using connections.

So, I guess I'd also like to know, how do you convince people to not spend so much money on their beautiful and perfect day?

 

edited a little for privacy

 

 

Edited February 23, 2017 by Gaillardia

[gardenmom5]

we did my dd's wedding for considerably less.  including what they paid for . . .

 

do you really need a sit down meal?  would a buffet work?  or even a more simplified menu of just cake and punch?  (maybe some nuts and mints on the side)  (dh is obsessed with food - so he insisted.)

 

her dress was on sale, and she did have to pay to have it altered - but it still cost less than most dresses.  we have a consignment shop that specalizes in event wear. prom, wedding, etc.   they get leftover dresses - and sell them for much less.

 

cake . . . make the "showy one" smaller. we and many other's I know did this, then supplemented the cake with sheet cakes - which are MUCH cheaper than a tiered wedding cake.

 

eta: her bridesmaids dresses were on sale.   worry less about how "fashionable" things are.  if you don't have a cutting edge budget (which I think is ridiculous), don't expect cutting edge. go for substance.

 

we have some expectation of doing another wedding this year.   the future bride has already said she does NOT want to spend money on a dress she's only going to wear once.

Edited February 21, 2017 by gardenmom5

[gaillardia]

we did my dd's wedding for considerably less.  including what they paid for . . .

 

do you really need a sit down meal?  would a buffet work?  or even a more simplified menu of just cake and punch?  (maybe some nuts and mints on the side)  (dh is obsessed with food - so he insisted.)

 

her dress was on sale, and she did have to pay to have it altered - but it still cost less than most dresses.  we have a consignment shop that specalizes in event wear. prom, wedding, etc.   they get leftover dresses - and sell them for much less.

 

cake . . . make the "showy one" smaller. we and many other's I know did this, then supplemented the cake with sheet cakes - which are MUCH cheaper than a tiered wedding cake.

 

eta: her bridesmaids dresses were on sale.   worry less about how "fashionable" things are.  if you don't have a cutting edge budget (which I think is ridiculous), don't expect cutting edge. go for substance.

 

we have some expectation of doing another wedding this year.   the future bride has already said she does NOT want to spend money on a dress she's only going to wear once.

Great ideas. I just wish I could get the kids to see things more frugally. (This would make another good thread: How to get your kids to want to be frugal or at least, to not be free spenders). 

I really like your idea of the cakes. 

On a popular big box store website I found some lovely floor length dresses for less than $100 each (bridesmaids). 

A particular young person I know wants the meal. (I know someone who had pizza at their reception). 

Consignment shop formal wear...excellent idea.

And what about the photos, gardenmom5? 

 

edited to adjust the size

Edited February 21, 2017 by Gaillardia

[gardenmom5]

Great ideas. I just wish I could get the kids to see things more frugally. (This would make another good thread: How to get your kids to want to be frugal or at least, to not be free spenders). 

I really like your idea of the cakes. 

On a popular big box store website I found some lovely floor length dresses for less than $100 each (bridesmaids). 

A particular young person I know wants the meal. (I know someone who had pizza at their reception). 

Consignment shop formal wear...excellent idea.

And what about the photos, gardenmom5? 

 

you get them to the point they're paying their own bills.

 

2dd was a grad student when she got married. she was used to paying very hefty bills herself - including getting her student loans/grants, so she learned to be frugal. (which is why her grad student debt was about half her classmates) - but we still had to bring them down to earth of "we can contribute $___.  that's it."    it was still a nice reception.  (we also hang in circles that the lavish ones are the exception.)

 

I don't do blank checks. I have set amount.   they can rein it in, or pay the difference themselves.  but I raised them with this - it wasn't new when they got married.

 

dsil . . . didn't know what frugal meant.  not sure he does now.   and dd told him she really didn't care about an engagement ring, as she really isnt' a big jewelry kinda girl. (I think she sent  mixed messages as they went ring shopping, but he returned the diamond because he thought it wasn't nice enough.  I've paid less for cars . . . .

[gardenmom5]

also check out bridal shows - and even dept store websites.

 

dd bought her bridesmaids dresses from jpc.com for $40? (definitely less than $60).  that was two years ago.  at a bridal fair - she paid $300 for her dress - with $200 in alternations, and an additional $100 of added bling.

she got her cake at the grocery store (the decorator won a national competition.)  then, we added sheet cakes from costco.

we did trays from the deli dept at the grocery store.  rolls from costco.  (you can even do trays there.)

we had friends from church who "ran" the kitchen/drinks.  I bought two drink dispensers - which three others have used for wedding receptions.  see what you can borrow, you might be surprised.

 

we didn't pay for the venue, because the reception was at the church.

[emmaluv+2more]

Are parents of the bride paying for bridesmaid dresses now? Every wedding I've been in, including my own, the bridesmaids paid for those themselves.

 

I have 4 girls. So not looking forward to wedding costs!

[gaillardia]

There is no open bank account here, huh uh. As far as I know, the happy couple will be paying for it themselves and they are aware of this. The cost will not be our problem.

 

Your details sound like what I pictured for our kids. Both of my kids know better than what the fiance(s) is suggesting. I think that if I can gently have a meeting of the minds and get things discussed better, maybe they'll begin to see the light. On the other hand, if the other side is giving a fairly blank check, have at it, it's not my circus. kwim?

[gaillardia]

Things are still in the very beginning stages, we are quite a ways away from the events. 

I didn't realize that, emmaluv+2more, about bridesmaid dresses, although that was what my bridesmaid and I both did at each other's wedding, half a million years ago.

[gardenmom5]

photographer - dsil paid for that.

 

if you don't know someone who does this as a hobby ..

a photographer who is starting out, and might be harder to find due to marketing, will usually cost less than an established photographer.

 

they had a deal where he took the photographs - and gave them the disk.  he wasn't providing any materials - they were paying for his time and equipment.

[Sneezyone]

My Dad gave my older brother and I 10K and said you can use it on a house or a wedding, take your pick. He had a hard limit and I was more than OK with that. 

 

DH and I did the JP thing and threw a two-day reception in 2005 on our own dime. I spent a total of 8K and that included my dress (grandma/mom made), decor (I made), cake, a sit down dinner w/red and white wine, venue, DJ, photographer, invitations, monogrammed gift/goodie bags, and accommodations for my immediate family (it was a destination event in a HCOL area).

 

My family is very crafty so we always make a small-ish amount of money go a long, long way. My cousins' weddings (two of them) were gorgeous, maybe 10K, and both were in Seattle so pricey digs. It can be done.

Edited February 21, 2017 by Sneezyone

[gardenmom5]

communication is an absolute must.  and be frank - espeically where $$ and expectations are concerned.  it prevents misunderstandings that often lead to very hurt feelings that can impact new relationships with extended family for many years.

[gardenmom5]

Are parents of the bride paying for bridesmaid dresses now? Every wedding I've been in, including my own, the bridesmaids paid for those themselves.

 

I have 4 girls. So not looking forward to wedding costs!

 

2dd bought them herself - but they were on sale, so she grabbed them.  she had leftover dresses, as one friend she wanted, was speaking at a conference  that day, she couldn't get out of it.  dd had tried to plan around it, but things changed on the friends end.  she came out earlier and spent a week here instead.  she kept it as it was tame enough she could wear it somewhere else.

 

I've also seen where the bride picks a color, and basic styling, then tells them to pick something that works.

[gaillardia]

I really appreciate your comments. For now, we are still in foreign waters as far as knowing the future in-law. We love both of these "kids" already and don't want to scare anyone or have them think we're controlling anything. So not into that. 

 

[Seasider]

you get them to the point they're paying their own bills.

.

Bingo! This is the direction we've led our kids, and as young adults they really have become aware of what things cost and how to weigh out cost vs benefit.

 

Gardenmom I love your statement about not doing blank checks. Gonna have to remember that!

Edited February 21, 2017 by Seasider

[bettyandbob]

Look at a variety of venues. Parks, church basements and other places can be significantly less than banquet facilities.

 

eBay is a great source for dresses, as are consignment and thrift stores. For the wedding party I'd consider going with a color them and letting bridesmaids buy or borrow their own choice.

 

Pick a time when a meal is not expected and have hors d'oeuvres.

 

I think it helps if you've been frugal and conscious of money with DC all along. My oldest are in college. They know we will help them with tuition, but will not cosign a loan and believe getting an undergrad degree debt free is important. That coupled with other things has given my DC a message we won't just find stuff. So, by the time we talk about weddings they already have an idea of how we spend.

[gardenmom5]

Look at a variety of venues. Parks, church basements and other places can be significantly less than banquet facilities.

 

eBay is a great source for dresses, as are consignment and thrift stores. For the wedding party I'd consider going with a color them and letting bridesmaids buy or borrow their own choice.

 

Pick a time when a meal is not expected and have hors d'oeuvres.

 

I think it helps if you've been frugal and conscious of money with DC all along. My oldest are in college. They know we will help them with tuition, but will not cosign a loan and believe getting an undergrad degree debt free is important. That coupled with other things has given my DC a message we won't just find stuff. So, by the time we talk about weddings they already have an idea of how we spend.

 

I bought SO MUCH stuff off ebay!  it was coming from china, and hong kong, and india (that was slow) - so allow plenty (at least a month) of lead time, but costs were a FRACTION of what I could get it for in the store, and at least half what amazon/others cost online.

also check out rental facilities for supplies - craigslist, etc.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Mid planning here for an August wedding.  Dh and I are paying for the buffet which will be at the moment, a burrito bar, a brownie bar and a salad bar.

DD is paying for everything else.  Got her dress and the bridesmaid dresses on Amazon, hers was $100, the others were $30.

The venue is the most expensive thing so far, $750 but it is beautiful and since we have to have air conditioning for her, not optional

Handmade and home printed invitations

Homemade bouquets which are stunning, she made roses out of old book pages and added fake flowers and stuff from Michaels and wrapped them in ribbons and shiny things.

Photographer is free as he is building his portfolio and is a friend.

 

 

Edited February 22, 2017 by Lizzie in Ma

[maize]

Don't let them get near bridal magazines :D

 

One young lady I know spent the year before her wedding perusing bridal magazines--the kind that showcase $40,000 weddings. Of course her back yard budget wedding was never going to meet that standard!

 

I think if you focus on the purpose and meaning of a wedding--celebrating the start of a new family--it is easier to figure out what is important and what isn't. Important to me is whatever traditions matter to the couple (wedding cake? White gown? Throwing the bouquet?); a way to document the event (decent photography but doesn't need to be an expensive package); and a pleasant experience for guests (some food, seating, pleasant surroundings).

 

None of that needs to be expensive. One option is to set a budget that you are willing to contribute and let the couple know that whatever they don't spend will be theirs to take into the new life together.

Edited February 21, 2017 by maize

[KatieJ]

We have had 4 weddings. 2 daughters, 2 sons. The most expensive was one of our sons, and it was the only one hosted at an event center. The rest were a lovely hotel and a church that hosts weddings. All were simple but gorgeous.

Handmade invitations, brides made their own silk flowers, I sewed dresses for one wedding, and flower girl dress for another.

We hosted backyard BBQ for rehearsal dinner, with me and my family doing the cooking. Tuxes were expensive!! Food, two were plated, two were buffets, with of them being appetizers. (Everyone loved it). We also. hosted a gift opening brunch the day after as,either we were traveling, or we had moved and my family was traveling and we wanted to see them again before they headed home.

We told the couples what we could afford to spen, or what costs we would cover and the rest was theirs.

We tried to keep,it fair, but truly we had more money available for,the last two than we did for the first two.

However none of them were over 10,000, and three of them were less then $8,000.

Edited February 21, 2017 by KatieinMich

[SparklyUnicorn]

I was a bridesmaid in a very high end wedding.  And then my own wedding was very low key and not expensive.  In my completely anecdotal and non scientific study, I've come to the conclusion that high end expensive wedding does not necessarily equal more enjoyable experience.  The bride in the high end wedding was a wreck on her wedding day.  She was stressed.  I don't know that she enjoyed it.  Me?  It was relaxed and fine.  No pressure.  I enjoyed myself.

 

I'm too practical to spend that kind of money on a one day party.  I would not let my husband to be even buy me an expensive ring.  If he had presented me with an expensive ring that he spent thousands on, I probably would have turned him down because he wouldn't have known what kind of person I am.  I think spending that kind of money on jewelry is a complete and utter waste of money!

 

So different strokes for different folks I guess. 

 

 

 

 

[FaithManor]

Here is what we did with dd, we told her what we were willing to spend. The end. No negotiation. She could have a wedding that fit that budget or take the money and elope. Whatever they wanted to do but if they chose the wedding and didn't stay in budget, it was up to them to figure out how to pay for it.

 

And by the way, when it comes to catering buffets are usually more expensive than a plated meal. They provide a single serving of each item. A buffet means people take seconds, thirds, and uncontrolled portion sizes. Cheapest catered buffets in the area are $22.95 per head here. Plated meals can be had for $15.50 a head.

 

Also if you go used wedding gown route, look it over carefully some stains never come out of bridal fabrics such as chiffon, taffeta, and satin especially salad dressings and food dyes from cake and jello.

 

Size is another issue. Dd was a size 1. She needed a 2 taken in or a 0 let out. Never saw a single dress that size on the used market. We saw a 4 - which would not have looked right after that much taking in - but whomever had worn it was shorter than dd so the dress had been cut off too short.

 

Check Group USA if you have one in your state. My friend got her dd's gorgeous ball gown there for less than $200 on the clearance rack. She paid $100.00 to have it shortened but still came under $300 total. Group is known for amazing batgains.

Edited February 21, 2017 by FaithManor

[Beth S]

Our dd got married 3 years ago. 

We saw the wedding options as choices.

We gave them a set amount of money, to be used as they saw fit.

Our dd oversaw the ceremony, while I oversaw the reception.

Thankfully, our church family volunteers to provide the labor needed to decorate and cater . . . but it is all done with boundaries in mind.

 

For many years, my dd and I did volunteer help for other friends' weddings.

I HIGHLY recommend volunteering to help your friends who are getting married . . . as it gives you a more unselfish perspective behind-the-scenes.

And re-aligns the bride's expectations of her own wedding.

 

My daughter learned how to assemble floral arrangements.

She bought a worn-once wedding dress off Ebay, which was identical to the one she liked in the store.

I have become experienced at overseeing the food service at a reception (with 10 teen girls helping).

You can make your own veil, cupcakes, playlist for reception music.

 

Our daughter's wedding served 300 people a light, cold lunch in the afternoon, for about $1000.

 

Please consider that the choices you make determine the cost of the wedding.

And leave it up to the bride & groom to spend their own money for the items that they deem most important.

 

And (bottom line) wedding planning is always stressful . . . but the wedding is always an amazing memory!

 

 

 

[FaithManor]

I am also a big fan of the not expensive destination wedding. Now I do not mean Jamaica here, but go find a beautiful place within driving distance that can be used cheap or free. The churches around here do not let non members use them and charge a lot of rent for use to their members. In general they are 70's decorated so terribly awful in pictures, have bad lighting, and limited areas to get ready in. Why pay so much money for that?

I am biased though. We have the Great Lakes here and absolutely gorgeous state parks. So for $5.00 a vehicle parking pass, one can simply walk out onto an amazing beach and have a gorgeous scene with no decorating. I have seen some parents bring a simply made wooden arbor covered in cheap poly chiffon, tied back with a few ribbons and flowers, guests bringing their own lawn chairs or the parents renting some folding chairs. Dirt cheap. Some families were able to use the pavilion for a picnic after. (You have to plan bizarrely early though in order to get one) and others would splurge for a beach side restaurant. My cousin who did this had a clearance rack dress, hubby bought a clearance rack suit, and the meal was about $15 per guest at the restaurant where they watched the sun set over the water. They did 50 guests only so $750. Their guests milled around standing for the short ceremony but chairs were provided for the elderly or infirm.

I know another couple who got married at Sleeping Bear Dunes National Seashore here in Michigan. An unusual backdrop and yet spectacular. It was a 4 hr. drive for guests so it had the bonus of keeping away a nasty uncle and aunt who would have made a scene. They were unwilling to make the round trip in a day and would not pay for a hotel. The nice bonus to that was instead of dealing with 50 people traipsing through the parent's single bathroom home all day for a backyard affair, they had the multiple bathrooms of the park. They gave a heads up in advance to park rangers who not only had zero problems with it, they roped off a small area so other visitors did not get in the way of the ceremony or pictures.

The downside of outdoor events like this is finding an indoor venue in case of inclement weather.

Edited February 21, 2017 by FaithManor

[fairfarmhand]

Dresses need not come from formal wear stores. Look at department stores for pretty things. Bridesmaids will love having something in a neutral color they can wear again in the future if they choose.

 

I really like the simple trend that I've seen recently in weddings in our area. Outdoors in the backyard, using the church grounds vs. expensive rental venues. Simple foods, (one young lady asked several elderly ladies in the congregations she'd love their x dessert for the reception in lieu of a gift)

 

 

[lynn]

Weddings can be beautiful on a budget or as extravagant as you want. That's an individual decision. Either way they end the same with the newlyweds happily married.

[lynn]

Weddings can be beautiful on a budget or as extravagant as you want. That's an individual decision. Either way they end the same with the newlyweds happily married.

[Seasider]

Mid planning here for an August wedding. Dh and I are paying for the buffet which will be at the moment, a burrito bar, a brownie bar and a salad bar.

DD is paying for everything else. Got her dress and the bridesmaid dresses on Amazon, hers was $100, the others were $30.

The venue is the most expensive thing so far, $750 but it is beautiful and since we have to have air conditioning for her, not optional.

Handmade and home printed invitations

Homemade bouquets which are stunning, she made roses out of old book pages and added fake flowers and stuff from Michaels and wrapped them in ribbons and shiny things.

Photographer is free as he is building his portfolio and is a friend.

I love this bouquet idea. I've seen the book paper roses and vintage (aka goodwill and garage sale bought) rhinestone jewelry brooches put together. So clever!

[FaithManor]

Family culture is what can really get you. Some family cultures are such that everyone and their brother is offended to the moon if it isn't a big shindig, everyone invited, elaborate food and drink. That makes doing anything on a budget TOUGH if one feels like to keep the family peace one has to acquiesce to the crazy. Holding dd's wedding down to 75 people while quite the insult to my parents' church who all felt they should have been invited. I couldn't afford to feed 225 -300 people so not happening. Not to mention renting tables and chairs for that many since we could not use that church for free.

 

So a lot depends on if you have laid back relatives and friends, or if they are high maintenance. High maintenance costs either in budget to placate, or offense in not placating. GRRRR.....and that gets doubly difficult where there is divorce because often the divorced parents don't see eye to eye on a single thing. I always recommend to couples in this boat - my nephew a prime example - that they pay for it exclusively themselves so that the parents get no say in anything or elope. They took my second piece of advice, announced they were getting married in Vegas, bought a dress and suit, paid for a friend a piece to go, and had a lovely weddingmoon. They knew their parents would not be willing to pay so much to attend so that fixed the issue of two viciously fighting adults acting like children on the day or of trying to plan a wedding and reception around such immaturity.

 

Some church's have a tradition of helping put these things on such as providing kitchen duty or providing a certain amount of food, etc. Unfortunately, those types of churches are becoming few and far between as offerings fall, and budgets get tight.

[Seasider]

I am also a big fan of the not expensive destination wedding. Now I do not mean Jamaica here, but go find a beautiful place within driving distance that can be used cheap or free. The churches around here do not let non members use them and charge a lot of rent for use to their members. In general they are 70's decorated so terribly awful in pictures, have bad lighting, and limited areas to get ready in. Why pay so much money for that?

 

I am biased though. We have the Great Lakes here and absolutely gorgeous state parks. So for $5.00 a vehicle parking pass, one can simply walk out onto an amazing beach and have a gorgeous scene with no decorating. I have seen some parents bring a simply made wooden arbor covered in cheap poly chiffon, tied back with a few ribbons and flowers, guests bringing their own lawn chairs or the parents renting some folding chairs. Dirt cheap. Some families were able to use the pavilion for a picnic after. (You have to plan bizarrely early though in order to get one) and others would splurge for a beach side restaurant. My cousin who did this had a clearance rack dress, hubby bought a clearance rack suit, and the meal was about $15 per guest at the restaurant where they watched the sun set over the water. They did 50 guests only so $750. Their guests milled around standing for the short ceremony but chairs were provided for the elderly or infirm.

 

I know another couple who got married at Sleeping Bear Dunes National Seashore here in Michigan. An unusual backdrop and yet spectacular. It was a 4 hr. drive for guests so it had the bonus of keeping away a nasty uncle and aunt who would have made a scene. They were unwilling to make the round trip in a day and would not pay for a hotel. The nice bonus to that was instead of dealing with 50 people traipsing through the parent's single bathroom home all day for a backyard affair, they had the multiple bathrooms of the park. They gave a heads up in advance to park rangers who not only had zero problems with it, they roped off a small area so other visitors did not get in the way of the ceremony or pictures.

 

The downside of outdoor events like this is finding an indoor venue in case of inclement weather.

Love your outdoor/nonconventional ideas for location. I understand how it helps keep out undesirable folk. However, I would caution that a "destination" wedding that reduces costs for the couple, yet greatly increases costs for invited guests (travel, missed work days, accommodations in a resort/remote location, etc) isn't a great solution. (One weekend night at a hotel in your scenario I wouldn't see as a problem, I mean unreasonable demands on guests). I love what'a been said upthread:

 

- consider the purpose of a wedding ceremony and how guest witnesses may be important to the couple;

 

- stating an amount to contribute and letting the couple decide how to use it (with advice if requested), no blank checks;

 

- reminding them that elopement may be a good option to have a small ceremony without hurting feelings by cutting some family from the guest list.

 

In my work with an event company, I've worked with wedding parties mostly in the $40-60K range, many around $80K, with the most expensive being $300K+ (yes, mind boggling, that's a couple of houses or more!). I've also done $10-20K ranges in which the bride and friends did all the decor and florals, which are often just as beautiful and effective as the professionals' work. At the end of the day, the result is the same - the couple is married. Some I'd guess much more happily than others since they or their parents didn't have to go upside down to pay for it all.

 

I say save money on the photographer. Seriously, have you seen the portraits that can be taken with an iPhone 7? Stunning. Just go for basics there with a social media hashtag for photos taken by guests. I am all in favor of lots of pics for memories, but confess I am biased because of all vendors, primadona photogs seem to be most likely to mess up a couple's enjoyment of their own celebration.

[gardenmom5]

dd and dsil enjoyed the cake tasting samples.   they picked their favorite  (coconut) - and they went back and ordered normal size decorated round cakes.  I think they did that at least four times before they moved. then last fall, her friend/bridesmaid was moving down - so she brought a cake with her for them.  then her friend came here for christmas, and I picked up the cake that she was to take back to texas.  the decorator was like "didn't she move?".   i put it in my tupperware maxi cake taker -it was by far the easiest way to get it on the plane.  she thought it would have to be cut up, but in the tupperware thing it went in one piece, and arrived intact.  it had a happy new years decorating theme.

 

we're going to meet up at yosemite this summer  - so we thought we'd bring a cake for them.  with a half-dome theme, as dsil and dd want to climb it . . .

[gardenmom5]

  I would not let my husband to be even buy me an expensive ring.  If he had presented me with an expensive ring that he spent thousands on, I probably would have turned him down because he wouldn't have known what kind of person I am.  I think spending that kind of money on jewelry is a complete and utter waste of money!

 

So different strokes for different folks I guess. 

 

different *situations* for different folks too.

 

I know an eminently practical woman who had a rather pricey ring.  they were living overseas in an unstable area.  if the economy where they were living went south - it was their ticket out of the country.

 

as has also been mentioned - family culture.  (as well as business etc.)  re: dsil buying a big rock (he bought online and had it mailed to his mother to send to him so he wouldn't have to pay sales tax).   he shopped for the replacement of his mother's diamond when she lost it - he learned about them.  his family culture is wives have rocks. 

 

then there is employment status.

 

- employment levels where a degree of what many people consider superficial does come into play - but it's advertising. dh has an acquaintance who drove very (expensive) fast cars, because flash was expected at his level.    it's *marketing* that you are successful and can make money, and will make money for your client.

 

eta: I see that last with higher end real estate agents in our area.  they drive expensive cars for their clients to see, as a marketing tool they can get the job done.

Edited February 21, 2017 by gardenmom5

[QueenCat]

Weddings can be beautiful on a budget or as extravagant as you want. That's an individual decision. Either way they end the same with the newlyweds happily married.

 

Yes!!!! And spending a lot doesn't mean your materialistic or your marriage won't last either.... Getting tired of that kind of judgementalism.

[Sneezyone]

Yes!!!! And spending a lot doesn't mean your materialistic or your marriage won't last either.... Getting tired of that kind of judgementalism.

Meh, speaking only for myself it's a matter of practicality. Most folks don't go into a marriage expecting it to fail but the reality is that many/most will. I'd hate to be on the losing end of that thinking about all the $$$ that could be in my retirement account instead.😂 It's like DH says, "never bet what you can't afford to lose."

Edited February 21, 2017 by Sneezyone

[gardenmom5]

Yes!!!! And spending a lot doesn't mean your materialistic or your marriage won't last either.... Getting tired of that kind of judgementalism.

 

this may not be nice - but dh has an oft repeated quip of "the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding."

I think there is some truth - but only insomuch that some people focus so much on "the wedding", they don't give the appropriate attention to the relationship of the couple.  I think  this gets back to "you have your reception in the style/economic level which is your norm."  spending the equivalent of a down payment on a house (or more) if you have to save up for a year or two to afford it, ignores the rest of the relationship.  it's one day.

recently I read an article about a couple who saved for 8?years to afford their dream destination wedding.  they had three kids in the meantime.  then they were upset because something happened at the hotel to throw a wrench into the works.  methinks they needed to reorder their priorities.

 

years ago I read a great deal of Miss Manners.

there was a grandmother who wrote to her for advice, because her granddaughter was getting married and she disagreed with her granddaughter wanting *her* to be her matron of honor.  she was old, and dumpy and not attractive, etc.  she had pretty friends and should chose one of them.   she wanted to know what Miss Manners thought:

gentle reader: Miss Manners thinks this will be an unusually happy marriage.

Edited February 21, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Seasider]

Yes!!!! And spending a lot doesn't mean your materialistic or your marriage won't last either.... Getting tired of that kind of judgementalism.

Of course it doesn't - as pointed out, doing things at the level to which one is accustomed is expected. But I have to say, seeing couples come in and max out four or five credit cards to pay off the balance of their event cost tends to make one wonder what kind of struggles their marriage will face. It's always a happier occasion when I know dad(or groom or bride)-the-cardiothoracic-surgeon easily wrote a check to cover everything.

[vonfirmath]

Are parents of the bride paying for bridesmaid dresses now? Every wedding I've been in, including my own, the bridesmaids paid for those themselves.

 

I have 4 girls. So not looking forward to wedding costs!

 

I paid for my bridesmaid dresses out of my wedding budget. (or rather, the cloth to make it and I paid the seamstress who made 2 of them) It didn't seem fair to make them pay for a dress they may not wear again. THe dress became my main gift to them.

 

My parents gave me a budget and I had to pay for anything outside of that budget.  Some things we didn't do at all -- no professional video-guy, no sit down meal, no dancing.  Other things we did only what we could do on our own/paid for ingredients and friends and family took care of. -- My best friend's daughter catered the food for the price of the food and my husband's aunts managed decorations with the flowers and ribbons I had purchased, but never figured out what to do with.  We did minimal flowers because none of us cared about that. The church was rented for next to nothing because it was the one I'd attended for years and we did the reception there. OTOH I hired a babysitter on site for the kids of a few bridesmaids who would be there.

 

The largest portion of our budget went to the pictures because, growing up, my mother was always a little sad she had only 8 photos from her wedding. (plus a few snapshots from various guests) She wished she had spent more and had more to remember the day by.  I wanted the family pictures, the getting ready pictures, the wedding party pictures, the special moment with my almost-husband before hand when he wouldn't let me kiss him! You can just see it in the picture...

etc.     WE did them before the wedding to avoid making our guests wait. But I'd rather have too many than live my life wishing I had a little more.

 

Edited February 21, 2017 by vonfirmath

[FaithManor]

As a former bridesmaid - way back in the day from age 16-32 - I was in nine weddings and had to purchase nine dresses I would never wear again. That said, short of going western and telling your bridal party to wear jeans and a button down, there isn't a lot to be done but have some sort of guideline about what to wear and that is going to cost money.

 

The best thing I think is that if one is not under cultural pressure to have a formal event is ask the men to wear a pair of black pants, white button down, and then buy them all matching ties. For the girls, tell them any black cocktail dress will do. Black is black. The color you will wear again, and again, and many women will have use for a cocktail dress. They won't all match, but because its black, they will tend to blend anyway and especially in photos.

 

That said, an awful lot of people don't like black on bridesmaids. Still, it is the easiest thing too because everyone can get their own dress that fits their shape. It is impossible unless ALL of the bridesmaids are matching height, build, and shape to get a single dress that looks reasonably good on everyone. Bridesmaid dresses, even somewhere cheap like David's Bridal, are ridiculously priced for what you get most of the time. Shopping clearance is out because rarely does any one color gown have enough sizes left.

 

One can also go without a bridal party entirely and save the cost. You only need however many witnesses are required in your state and that can even be parents that attend, siblings over 18, or the clerk that works for the judge. No need to necessarily have a bunch of matching people stand with you. I think the concept of a bridal party came from wealthy, noble weddings...all those ladies in waiting primping the bride and trying to make her feel better about being traded for property, money, or a treaty. It is a concept that could easily go the way of extinction in modern times.

[QueenCat]

Of course it doesn't - as pointed out, doing things at the level to which one is accustomed is expected. But I have to say, seeing couples come in and max out four or five credit cards to pay off the balance of their event cost tends to make one wonder what kind of struggles their marriage will face. It's always a happier occasion when I know dad(or groom or bride)-the-cardiothoracic-surgeon easily wrote a check to cover everything.

 

The judgementalism I've seen has come from several threads over the years on this topic, not on this one specifically. Going into major debt is one thing that I wouldn't recommend but I've seen extreme judging here, in the Hive, towards people who spend mega bucks and CAN AFFORD to do so.

[QueenCat]

this may not be nice - but dh has an oft repeated quip of "the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding."

I think there is some truth - but only insomuch that some people focus so much on "the wedding", they don't give the appropriate attention to the relationship of the couple.  I think  this gets back to "you have your reception in the style/economic level which is your norm."  spending the equivalent of a down payment on a house (or more) if you have to save up for a year or two to afford it, ignores the rest of the relationship.  it's one day.

recently I read an article about a couple who saved for 8?years to afford their dream destination wedding.  they had three kids in the meantime.  then they were upset because something happened at the hotel to throw a wrench into the works.  methinks they needed to reorder their priorities.

 

I've heard your dh's saying before but it has not been my personal experience. I've known failed marriages where the wedding took place in front of a justice of the peace. Trying to think if any of my family/friends that had expensive weddings have failed....... nope, not one. None of them saved for years, though, in place of saving for things like a house; it was the norm in their "economic class" to have pricier weddings, with parents paying, though. Granted, for those I met well after their wedding, I have no idea what they spent. My main point was that people judge and make assumptions that they shouldn't make because they don't know the people well enough to be so rude as to decide what is reasonable for someone else to choose to do.

[QueenCat]

The best thing I think is that if one is not under cultural pressure to have a formal event is ask the men to wear a pair of black pants, white button down, and then buy them all matching ties. For the girls, tell them any black cocktail dress will do. Black is black. The color you will wear again, and again, and many women will have use for a cocktail dress. They won't all match, but because its black, they will tend to blend anyway and especially in photos.

 

That said, an awful lot of people don't like black on bridesmaids. Still, it is the easiest thing too because everyone can get their own dress that fits their shape. It is impossible unless ALL of the bridesmaids are matching height, build, and shape to get a single dress that looks reasonably good on everyone. Bridesmaid dresses, even somewhere cheap like David's Bridal, are ridiculously priced for what you get most of the time. Shopping clearance is out because rarely does any one color gown have enough sizes left.

 

 

 

I think you're right, that many don't care for black for a wedding. My sister had a pretty expensive wedding but still gave her bridesmaids flexibility. She basically said any shade of pink that is not "hot neon pink" and goes at least an inch below the knee. That allowed all of us to pick something that suited our shape and preferences. I had a smaller wedding, with just a maid of honor. I told her to pick what she wanted and to make sure the best man wore a cummerbund to match.

[Catwoman]

The judgementalism I've seen has come from several threads over the years on this topic, not on this one specifically. Going into major debt is one thing that I wouldn't recommend but I've seen extreme judging here, in the Hive, towards people who spend mega bucks and CAN AFFORD to do so.

Same here. I can't see the benefit to spending more than you can afford, but if a family has the money and a big, fancy wedding is important to them, I don't see why anyone would have a problem with it. Not their money, not their decision, not their problem.

[Catwoman]

I've heard your dh's saying before but it has not been my personal experience. I've known failed marriages where the wedding took place in front of a justice of the peace. Trying to think if any of my family/friends that had expensive weddings have failed....... nope, not one. None of them saved for years, though, in place of saving for things like a house; it was the norm in their "economic class" to have pricier weddings, with parents paying, though. Granted, for those I met well after their wedding, I have no idea what they spent. My main point was that people judge and make assumptions that they shouldn't make because they don't know the people well enough to be so rude as to decide what is reasonable for someone else to choose to do.

:iagree:

 

Sometimes I think those obnoxious little phrases are nothing more than sour grapes. I know that sounds mean, but why would anyone actually believe that the cost of the wedding would have any relationship whatsoever to the length of the marriage?

 

It's also irritating when people automatically assume that every couple who has an expensive wedding must have gone deeply into debt to pay for it. Plenty of couples are highly paid and can well afford those weddings, and plenty of parents can afford to foot the bill for the weddings, as well.

[QueenCat]

:iagree:

 

Sometimes I think those obnoxious little phrases are nothing more than sour grapes. I know that sounds mean, but why would anyone actually believe that the cost of the wedding would have any relationship whatsoever to the length of the marriage?

 

It's also irritating when people automatically assume that every couple who has an expensive wedding must have gone deeply into debt to pay for it. Plenty of couples are highly paid and can well afford those weddings, and plenty of parents can afford to foot the bill for the weddings, as well.

 

I don't know why people think that, it's crazy. Just hasn't been my experience at all. Most of the failed marriages of people I know were from people who married young, not people who had expensive weddings.

[wendy not in HI]

My dd got married this summer.  She and her dh are young and both still in college.  We did our best to do things ourselves and keep cost in check, but it still cost about $5000 for a very simple do it yourself wedding.  She paid for some (mainly the photographer and invitations) and her dad and I paid for the rest.  My parents also helped.

 

Her dress cost $1200.  My mom made my wedding dress when I was getting married, as well and my sisters' dresses, but we all felt like buying a dress was the way to go.  We did do the alterations ourselves and saved $300+

 

She was married in an LDS temple, and the reception was at my parent's little farm, so no venue costs.

 

The photographer was $800 (not including any prints) and was not the photographer she had originally hoped for (who would have cost at least 3x as much).  I didn't realize that "Bridals" are a thing.  Maybe it's just a Utah thing?  But couples will have their wedding photos done before the actual wedding.  In the gown and tux...  Sometimes weeks before the wedding.  I thought that was totally crazy, but it was a big deal to dd, so they did "bridals" the morning of the wedding, before the ceremony, in addition to the photos at the wedding and reception.  

 

We rented chairs and borrowed tables. (I can't remember the cost - I think about $200)

We rented a big speaker box for music. ($60)

We bought table cloths and made our own table cloth toppers ($100)

We ordered babies breath and sunflowers from costco and my sister is a florist and did all of the flower arranging.  Dd wanted simple babies breath with flowers from my mom's amazing gardens.  (flowers cost about $250)  Her bouquet was sunflowers with a ribbon. 

 

My parents have a lovely property, and my mom worked all spring to get everything prettied up for the wedding.  All of the annuals that she planted were in the wedding colors (pink and yellow). She also planted sunflowers around.  They laid sod in one spot.  We all spread loads and loads of mulch.  And rocks.  So much work!  My parents are amazing!  My mom bought lots of white christmas lights at Walmart on clearance after Christmas for less than a dollar a box.  We used those to string lights out across the reception - it looked magical!  My dad pounded in posts for the lights to hang on.  We also power washed and weeded forever... I know they spent more money then they should have, but they won't fess up to how much, and some of it is their usual property maintenance.

 

The groom wore a new suit, not a tux.  The fathers of the groom and the groomsmen wore navy pants and pinkish ties.  I bought the ties for all, but everyone got their own shirts/pants.  I bought the bridesmaid dresses, since two were her sisters and one was a good friend - the girls each picked a simple dress in the peachy pink color - they did not match, but looked great together (which is the look dd was going for, and is harder to do than you think - we had to return a few dresses because the "tone" was off) ($18/tie, $80/dress, plus pants for my husband and son and shoes = about $500)

 

Dd ordered just a round cake topper and we baked a million cupcakes.  We baked 6 different flavors of cupcakes the day before the wedding, and while some of my sisters were working on flowers, the others were frosting cupcakes the night before the wedding.  It was actually really fun.  I have 6 sisters, and 5 of them were able to come out to the wedding.  It was wonderful!  (cake topper $80, cupcake ingredients $50ish)

 

My mom and I bought white cake stands and we put the flower centerpieces in different pitchers that my mom just has, along with candles in mason jars. My mom just has all sorts of fun chalkboards and containers, and we bought more little cutsie things (I'm not sure how much we spent, maybe $200)

 

We did not do a sit down dinner - we did a sandwich spread, along with cut fruit and veggies, and chips and dip.  We also had lemonade and water. And otter pops for kids (it was at the end of july and very hot) And though it was super simple, it still cost about $1000 for all the food.  We were serving about 2-300 people, but a lot were kids.  

 

other odds and ends things:

postage

Dd and I and her sisters and my sisters got  mani/pedicures - I paid for some, but not all, so about $250

Dd had her hair cut and colored but styled it herself - $75

Dd's shoes

My dress and shoes

and on and on

 

The grooms family did not provide a family dinner, so we all went to a local place for lunch after the wedding before the reception. We did not pay for everyone, but we did pay for many.  Not cheap.  Not a great idea.  Not sure what we could have done differently, though.

 

We could have gone cheaper with the dress. (but it was lovely)  We could have skipped a photographer (but dh and I did not have a photographer and I regret that we have very few nice photos of our wedding.)  We could have just had cupcakes and punch.  But we really did feel like we were keeping things very diy and simple and it still simply costs to get married.  

 

I think that renting a venue with the tables/chairs/linens/etc included would have cost about $4000.  We really considered that, and would have had just cake and punch and it would have also been lovely.  But it was special to have it at my parent's home.  I spent the entire month of July working with my mom and dad in their yard and it is a really special memory.

 

Happy Weddings!!

 

eta - I forgot about the sparklers!  I bought longer than usual sparklers for the send off - I think I spent about $100.

 

dd made little s'more bags as give-aways (she printed something like - s'more love to go) and my dad had a little camp fire going where people could roast marshmallows.  Guests were also able to pick raspberries from my parent's big patch - we provided little plastic clamshells for the berries to go home in.  Give away totals of about $100

 

My sisters and I cut all the fruit and veggies and arranged all of the food trays. Luckily my mom has a huge fridge in her garage where they keep berries during the season. A couple of my mom's neighbors helped keep the food tables full and mixed gallons of lemonade.  We also did all the set up.  Many of the wedding guests helped with the tear down (ie carrying a hundred chairs and 12 tables up to the driveway)

 

also, no alcohol. and no DJ or band - one of the groom's brother's ran the music from a list dd put together. The dancing was the best part! And I'm a terrible dancer!! But it was super fun - all of the couples and all of the cousins dancing.  Grandparents dancing!!  After the couple left we danced for a couple more hours under the twinkle lights.  Mom kept the lights up all summer and we were able to play under them later when we took dd18 out to college.

 

All this to say that even when you are cheap and do all of the work yourself, a very simple wedding is not free.  But celebrating is a big part of life.  I'm glad we were able to find a way to put on a big party for dd and her new dh.  It is extra tricky when you don't really have a home - we are military and moved the summer just before the wedding...

 

Edited February 22, 2017 by wendy not in HI

[matrips]

Tell them to invest in their marriage, not a day. Putting money towards a home is awesome. Church hall or fire hall for venue. Designated friends to videotape and photograph. We hired a professional for two hours before the wedding to take the formal type pictures. A friend did the rest. It was much cheaper that way. Had Italian food catered and buffet. Bought vases and flowers at dollar tree/Michaels. Grocery store flower dept did the church flowers. Got a shuttle type bus for the wedding party instead of limos- more fun to be altogether anyway. Had a dj instead of band.

The weddings I remember the most are the fun ones, not the over the top ones. I just see all that as such a waste.

[Alice]

I think it's hard to say that a specific amount is too much unless it means going into debt or creating a financial hardship for the family. I think the important thing for people to remember for weddings is that it's two people coming together who also have two families. Those families have different values and priorities and cultures. The wedding is the first time for the families of the individuals to really have to compromise. It works best if they can respect the other family even if the culture is different. One culture might see it more as a big party that they want to give to celebrate and that it's ok to spend a lot of money on. That doesn't make them somehow bad people. It just makes them different than the people that see it as something that should be really simple. 

 

We spent about $21,000 on our wedding about 17 years ago. That was much more than I wanted to spend. However, it was very important to my husband's family culture to have everyone in the family there and he has a big family (over 20 first cousins who all come to family events with their own families). We were limited to 250 by the size of our church and it was questionable whether we would go over. We invited about 330 people. To me that was insane but it was normal for them. We had a rehearsal dinner that was over 100 people and was really a mini-wedding reception. Dh is Chinese-American and to avoid the pressure of having a Chinese dinner as the reception we had a full Chinese banquet dinner as the rehearsal dinner. But dh's family culture was that all out of town guests and all family came to the rehearsal dinner. 

 

Here's the thing...dh's father paid for pretty much the whole thing. There wasn't really a "I'm paying so do it my way" vibe but I knew what was important to his family and so I was willing to compromise because it was possible. If my family had been paying or if dh and I were paying ourselves it wouldn't have been possible. In all honesty, I cared vey little about the wedding. I was very much looking forward to the marriage but didn't care that much about the day itself. 

 

Dh is actually incredibly frugal so the amount of money bothered him. We saved in many ways (had friends do the flowers that we purchased wholesale, had no wedding party so eliminated all those costs, hired a photographer who was willing to give us the film directly to print ourselves and didn't try and make us buy a wedding album, etc). We spent money on the areas that were really important to someone...either a family member or one of us. Dh had always wanted to make his own wedding invitations and so we did that. We don't like cake so we had pie instead. We hired a bluegrass band for the ceremony because we love that kind of music (actually they were free but we gave them a honorarium). In a lot of ways our wedding was very personal and quirky and very us. 

[Crimson Wife]

My IL's spent as much on the bar tab alone for SIL's reception as my parents spent on DH's and my entire reception (we had had a JoP ceremony 18 months prior) including the photographer, flowers, DJ, invitations, cake, etc. Very different priorities but it was their money so their prerogative. I did not appreciate the b*tching and moaning from their side about our decision to serve just beer and wine (it was an afternoon reception!) when they were not footing any part of the bill.

 

SIL did have a nicer reception than ours but not four times better even though the price tag was quadruple. There's a marginal return to every dollar spent above a certain basic level.

[Scarlett]

this may not be nice - but dh has an oft repeated quip of "the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding."

I think there is some truth - but only insomuch that some people focus so much on "the wedding", they don't give the appropriate attention to the relationship of the couple. I think this gets back to "you have your reception in the style/economic level which is your norm." spending the equivalent of a down payment on a house (or more) if you have to save up for a year or two to afford it, ignores the rest of the relationship. it's one day.

recently I read an article about a couple who saved for 8?years to afford their dream destination wedding. they had three kids in the meantime. then they were upset because something happened at the hotel to throw a wrench into the works. methinks they needed to reorder their priorities.

 

years ago I read a great deal of Miss Manners.

there was a grandmother who wrote to her for advice, because her granddaughter was getting married and she disagreed with her granddaughter wanting *her* to be her matron of honor. she was old, and dumpy and not attractive, etc. she had pretty friends and should chose one of them. she wanted to know what Miss Manners thought:

gentle reader: Miss Manners thinks this will be an unusually happy marriage.

 

Awww. So sweet.

[Scarlett]

My dd got married this summer. She and her dh are young and both still in college. We did our best to do things ourselves and keep cost in check, but it still cost about $5000 for a very simple do it yourself wedding. She paid for some (mainly the photographer and invitations) and her dad and I paid for the rest. My parents also helped.

 

Her dress cost $1200. My mom made my wedding dress when I was getting married, as well and my sisters' dresses, but we all felt like buying a dress was the way to go. We did do the alterations ourselves and saved $300+

 

She was married in an LDS temple, and the reception was at my parent's little farm, so no venue costs.

 

The photographer was $800 (not including any prints) and was not the photographer she had originally hoped for (who would have cost at least 3x as much). I didn't realize that "Bridals" are a thing. Maybe it's just a Utah thing? But couples will have their wedding photos done before the actual wedding. In the gown and tux... Sometimes weeks before the wedding. I thought that was totally crazy, but it was a big deal to dd, so they did "bridals" the morning of the wedding, before the ceremony, in addition to the photos at the wedding and reception.

 

We rented chairs and borrowed tables. (I can't remember the cost - I think about $200)

We rented a big speaker box for music. ($60)

We bought table cloths and made our own table cloth toppers ($100)

We ordered babies breath and sunflowers from costco and my sister is a florist and did all of the flower arranging. Dd wanted simple babies breath with flowers from my mom's amazing gardens. (flowers cost about $250) Her bouquet was sunflowers with a ribbon.

 

My parents have a lovely property, and my mom worked all spring to get everything prettied up for the wedding. All of the annuals that she planted were in the wedding colors (pink and yellow). She also planted sunflowers around. They laid sod in one spot. We all spread loads and loads of mulch. And rocks. So much work! My parents are amazing! My mom bought lots of white christmas lights at Walmart on clearance after Christmas for less than a dollar a box. We used those to string lights out across the reception - it looked magical! My dad pounded in posts for the lights to hang on. We also power washed and weeded forever... I know they spent more money then they should have, but they won't fess up to how much, and some of it is their usual property maintenance.

 

The groom wore a new suit, not a tux. The fathers of the groom and the groomsmen wore navy pants and pinkish ties. I bought the ties for all, but everyone got their own shirts/pants. I bought the bridesmaid dresses, since two were her sisters and one was a good friend - the girls each picked a simple dress in the peachy pink color - they did not match, but looked great together (which is the look dd was going for, and is harder to do than you think - we had to return a few dresses because the "tone" was off) ($18/tie, $80/dress, plus pants for my husband and son and shoes = about $500)

 

Dd ordered just a round cake topper and we baked a million cupcakes. We baked 6 different flavors of cupcakes the day before the wedding, and while some of my sisters were working on flowers, the others were frosting cupcakes the night before the wedding. It was actually really fun. I have 6 sisters, and 5 of them were able to come out to the wedding. It was wonderful! (cake topper $80, cupcake ingredients $50ish)

 

My mom and I bought white cake stands and we put the flower centerpieces in different pitchers that my mom just has, along with candles in mason jars. My mom just has all sorts of fun chalkboards and containers, and we bought more little cutsie things (I'm not sure how much we spent, maybe $200)

 

We did not do a sit down dinner - we did a sandwich spread, along with cut fruit and veggies, and chips and dip. We also had lemonade and water. And otter pops for kids (it was at the end of july and very hot) And though it was super simple, it still cost about $1000 for all the food. We were serving about 2-300 people, but a lot were kids.

 

other odds and ends things:

postage

Dd and I and her sisters and my sisters got mani/pedicures - I paid for some, but not all, so about $250

Dd had her hair cut and colored but styled it herself - $75

Dd's shoes

My dress and shoes

and on and on

 

The grooms family did not provide a family dinner, so we all went to a local place for lunch after the wedding before the reception. We did not pay for everyone, but we did pay for many. Not cheap. Not a great idea. Not sure what we could have done differently, though.

 

We could have gone cheaper with the dress. (but it was lovely) We could have skipped a photographer (but dh and I did not have a photographer and I regret that we have very few nice photos of our wedding.) We could have just had cupcakes and punch. But we really did feel like we were keeping things very diy and simple and it still simply costs to get married.

 

I think that renting a venue with the tables/chairs/linens/etc included would have cost about $4000. We really considered that, and would have had just cake and punch and it would have also been lovely. But it was special to have it at my parent's home. I spent the entire month of July working with my mom and dad in their yard and it is a really special memory.

 

Happy Weddings!!

That sounds like a lovely wedding.

[gardenmom5]

I don't know why people think that, it's crazy. Just hasn't been my experience at all. Most of the failed marriages of people I know were from people who married young, not people who had expensive weddings.

 

I've known a number of couples over the years whom I can say - I'm sorry to say, I saw the divorce coming before they ever got married.  it had nothing do with how much money they made (or didn't), or how old (or young) they were when they got married, or if they were established (or broke students) when they married  . .

that ranges from the lavish country club wedding to a quickie in nevada.  it was about the importance they put on the relationship. (and how they treated other people.)  every. single. time. 

 

when one is more focused on "the big day" with all the trimmings, than people/family (let alone what comes after the wedding) . . . it's a flag.  when that someone cares more about what things look like vs is this in my budget, or that something must be done "just so" regardless  - before the wedding, that attitude is likely to continue after the wedding.