My 12 year old (6th grade) loves to write stories in his free time. He has very complex ideas in his head and sometimes forgets to explain everything in his writing. He is very passionate about his stories, but often takes offense at my critique. He would like some advice from others on his writing. He is not focusing on paragraph or sentence structure right now. This is chapter 1. It's a little long, but he would love any input on his ideas and clarity.
Owen woke up suddenly, and darkness went on from every direction to infinity. He was surrounded by a greenish glass, a test tube to be exact. Just then, light poured in and he could see more clearly. He was in a lab of some sort. White and purple seemed to be all the colors. The glass suddenly faded as if it just stopped being there. A voice came across the room and asked Owen a question. "Owen, can you hear me?" Owen hesitantly replied "uh, yes." He could see the speaker behind a window. It was a male in a white lab coat with curly chocolate brown hair. "Where am I?" asked Owen. "You're in a laboratory, deep beneath the surface to keep us away from the toxic virus upside" said the lab boy. A door slid open to the right of the chamber. "Head down the hall and to the left. You can pick up something to eat there. Then I'll show you to your room." Owen nodded and headed to the mess hall. There were other men, all in white lab coats, eating, talking, playing cards, and whatnot. Owen loaded up his tray with rice, beans, and a grilled cheese sandwich. The rice was dry, but the beans and sandwich weren't that bad. The lab boy from earlier sat down next to him and talked. "Excuse me, um..." "Eric" said the lab boy. "It's Eric. But my friends here call me Kix." "Um, Kix, can you tell me what I'm doing here, who you are, and what's this virus you talked about?" Kix took a bite from his sandwich. "Eight years ago, there was a containment breach during an experiment. One virus escaped and started infecting people, taking control over them, giving them superhuman strength, things like that. The world was over turned and the only survivors came down here and started finding a way to cure the infected people." "So these people," asked Owen, "are basically zombies?" Kix shook his head. "No. Worse. They are terrible to the max." Owen was confused. "We were still trying to figure out a way to cure the virus when scientists discovered a substance called Mycellsheet. It was extremely high in radiation, more than nuclear material times ten. We found that if we combined it with water, carbonic acid, and liquid plastic, it will create what we call Mycofluid. We have tested it with every imaginable base or acid and it completely reversed it! Let's say you've got a level 4 acid. Now, it will become the complete opposite and be a level 10 base!" Owen's brain processed like a computer with no mother board. "What does this have to do with me? After all, my memory only started an hour ago. Yet it looks like I am in my late twenties" Kix thought. "We finally came to the stage where we had five infected people try the serum of Mycofluid." Kix's face turned sad. "Only one fifth lived. The survivor was left unharmed by the virus, yet extremely sick. He died one month later with the latest medical help. We decided it was too risky to do this to the whole world. About a year later, we discovered another use for Mycofluid. If added with more Mycellsheet, it can cause an extremely dangerous and powerful liquid called Cyriptariac Gas. If sparked, or reached at a heat level of 72 degrees Fahrenheit or more, it will cause an explosion, which we can control by using a metal made from the core of the earth and create a small portal, capable of sending one to the past." Owen just realized that his mouth was wide open, some of his beans falling out. He quickly shut it. "So you mean...you mean you created a time machine?!" Kix nodded. "We started, right after time travel was discovered, on project A132B6C: The Alpita Project. We plan to send him pack to the past, eight years ago, to stop this mess." Owen realized his mouth was open again. "Can I see this, A132 what's-his-name?" Kix smiled. "You're him." Just then, Owen passed out on the floor, right in front of Kix.