Anne in CA Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 At what point do others take them seriously, LOL. My oldest is in a relationship (she just changed her Facebook status and so the young man in question) with someone she never met but texts and snapchats frequently. She "met" him through mutual friend but he is currently living on the east coast while she lives on the west coast. He does plan to move back to the west coast this coming spring but not to where dd lives. He is hoping they will still be together and she will move to be with him. DD was very upset with dh earlier in the week for not being happy enough for her. DH doesn't feel it is a real relationship because they have never once met in person. I don't think it is the same as if they were seeing each other in person myself, but both of us do understand that it's a new world out there. People meet online and marry successfully all the time. Of course, we all know of people who met online and married too soon and it didn't work out at all... IDK. I think that I'm not going to worry about a wedding until they have lived in the same state awhile, but he seems to want to hurry up and get married when he moves back. I think that sounds a little scary, all abusers need women to marry them FAST, before they reveal themselves too much. However he is a single dad with full custody and may just want to hurry up and have a mate. He has a 4yo ds. My dd is amazing with kids and that is probably why mutual friends thought of fixing them up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I am with your DH. Long distance relationships are one thing, and after they meet in person, they may continue to get along well, but, they might not. I believe they should meet in person, ASAP. Being able to look into someones eyes and touch them is a lot different than video chats. I met people, 2 or 3 times, years ago, after exchanging emails with them, but those were not "romantic" type situations and they were good experiences. I think the man should fly to where you are, for a few days, so that they can actually meet and talk in person. I do not think your DD should fly to where he is, in case something goes awry. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 I agree with that. I think HE should come to HER. We will see how it goes. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 (edited) With a step-son (& maybe ex-wife) in the mix, a slower pace seems to be essential for healthy relationships to have a chance to develop. Edited January 21, 2017 by Beth S 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 I 100% agree that people should really know what they are getting into with a step family situation. I am the poster child of that, because I married dd's dad after knowing him less than a year and a year and a half after that dd came to live with us at the age of four. Her mom had serious mental issues (probably BPD) and it was a huge struggle, always, to have a happy family. However, men panic about being single dads. They marry quickly. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frugalmamatx Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I'm in an online relationship myself {I'm in TX, he's in Iowa}. We've been "dating" since late September. For anyone wondering, we met on Whisper - he replied to a whisper I posted and was the ONE guy not trying for a relationship or asking for pics. While it's possible we might meet in person at some point, right now neither of us is in a position to make that step due to family and work. If it passes the 6 week mark then I consider it a relationship. That's long enough to pass the honeymoon infatuation stage generally and get into the nitty gritty relationship stuff. Online relationships can actually be MORE intense than in person ones - especially if it's a pair that are constantly chatting. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I think that they can develop a great relationship that way, but because there are stepfamily issues, not a good enough one to understand how things are really going to play out. I have a friend whose daughter got to be close with a young man from the other side of the world online. The first time they met in person, they were already in love--it was to officially get engaged. They got married 6 months later, and are very happy with several children at this point. But if either of them had already had kids, they couldn't possibly have gotten to know *the situation* as well by that means. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 my son is in an online long-distance relationship. (we're west coast, she's east coast) he's applying to schools near her to finish his degree so he can get to know her irl while living in that area - and her father can get to know him. (my irl friend's brother just moved to that area and she will make him keep tabs on ds). I'm grateful he is being very prayerful and his answer was 'you have to apply to other schools, not just the only one that is closest to her (that accepted you.)" saying that. . . there are many factors involved in this type of relationship. (and no, I don't automatically give credence to one.) your dd was introduced to this guy via, what I assume is, an irl friend. do you know the irl friend who introduced them? how long has that friend known him? how well? how long has your dd known the irl friend? how well? that gives a degree of credibility that most online relationships do not have. I don't know how old your dd is .. that is another factor. the fact he has a child is a whole 'nother ball of wax and adds many layers of complication - and should be taken into account because she would be dealing with visitation, ex-wife, and alimony/child support if she were to get into a real permanent long-term relationship with him. I agree they should meet in person - and it should be he comes to you. you and your dh also need to meet him. he should be perfectly willing to meet both of you too. his response to that will tell a lot about him. but a brief meeting isn't a real opportunity to get to know someone - it just scratches the surface. but it's a place to start. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 The only part that would bother me about what you posted was his expressed intention to get married. I would possibly freak out about that. It would not bother me if a plodding relationship began on-line and I would be happy he had plans to come to where she is (NOT for her to go to him), but I would not want a marriage to be even spoken about until they had been in real life, close proximity to one another for well over a year, maybe two. There's simply not one good readon to be in a hurry to marry anyone and several very good reasons to avoid this scenario. When I was dating DH, we lived over an hour apart from each other and, due to work, only saw each other on the weekends. And I did not feel that was enough contact to make decisions about marriage. I arranged it so that we went out on a Wed night every week, too, and ultimately, I moved nearby (was roommates with his sister, actually) for over a year before we got engaged. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 my son is in an online long-distance relationship. (we're west coast, she's east coast) he's applying to schools near her to finish his degree so he can get to know her irl while living in that area - and her father can get to know him. (my irl friend's brother just moved to that area and she will make him keep tabs on ds). I'm grateful he is being very prayerful and his answer was 'you have to apply to other schools, not just the only one that is closest to her (that accepted you.)" saying that. . . there are many factors involved in this type of relationship. (and no, I don't automatically give credence to one.) your dd was introduced to this guy via, what I assume is, an irl friend. do you know the irl friend who introduced them?I do know who the friend is. She has known the friend who introduced them for nine years. how long has that friend known him? I do not know, that is a good question. how well? how long has your dd known the irl friend? how well? that gives a degree of credibility that most online relationships do not have. I don't know how old your dd is .. that is another factor. She is 28 and feels her clock it ticking and she is willing to move more fast than she might have previously. the fact he has a child is a whole 'nother ball of wax and adds many layers of complication - and should be taken into account because she would be dealing with visitation, ex-wife, and alimony/child support if she were to get into a real permanent long-term relationship with him. I agree they should meet in person - and it should be he comes to you. you and your dh also need to meet him. he should be perfectly willing to meet both of you too. his response to that will tell a lot about him. but a brief meeting isn't a real opportunity to get to know someone - it just scratches the surface. but it's a place to start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Ah. I see you mention she's 28 with (she feels) a ticking biological clock. I don't think it's uncommon to want to move quickly at that age. People can make bad decisions at any time, but I'll say I know several women in their late twenties/early thirties who felt similarly and made quick decisions they really regretted. I would encourage a lot of caution and to slow way down! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I met my husband on-line, but we met in person several times. The bulk of our relationship prior to marrying was long distance though. Very long distance. We've been married over 16 years. So it worked out. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 In real life chemistry can be vastly different than on-line chemistry. An on-line friendship can last forever and be very strong. Certainly I have formed some great on-line friendships. But I am not marrying my on-line friends. I would consider her relationship "real". Absolutely. But I would not consider it a relationship that is ready for marriage if they have never met. Also, I assume that all she really knows about him with any certainty is what he has told her and what the mutual friend might or might not have shared. People try to present themselves in the best light. I don't mean he may be lying (although he very well may be), I am saying she is probably only seeing the good side. Living with someone day in and day out is very different from conversing on-line while being able to present mainly your good side. I would absolutely be hoping that she does not rush. Once she is married it is much harder to extract herself from the relationship if it turns out things are not as she had hoped. Maybe she could start asking some harder questions, feeling him out on specifics. For instance, how does he handle finances? Does he think only the man should have access? Cars/property only in his name? Does he want everything in one bank account under his name? Or does he prefer a partnership approach? Or maybe he is terrible at finances and wants her to take over. If so, is he willing to work within a mutually agreed upon budget? It gets pretty difficult if one spouse is responsible for paying the bills and balancing the budget but the other spouse does not feel the spouse handling the bills should have the right to keep their spending within in a budget. He already has one child. Does he genuinely want more? Has she asked? If so, how many? How soon? And how does he handle parenting? Is he very authoritarian? Extremely hands off? Partnership approach? Does he believe in mutually agreed upon logical rules of the house that are consistently enforce? Or does he feel that parents can make up whatever rules suit them in the moment and the child just has to obey? Or something else? Is the mother of the child still in the picture at all? What about maternal grandparents? What about his parents? Siblings? Where do they live? Are they involved with his life? His child's life? Does she have a career that matters to her? Is he o.k. with her career path? Or would he feel she should stay home and take care of his 4 year old? Of course, he could lie about all of it, just tell her what he thinks she wants to hear, but it would be better to ask some questions now, before things get even more serious. Have they at least Skyped? Is it possible for her to do a search on-line for his name and see what comes up? She might do one for her name, too, and see what shows up on-line. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I have a relative who is in a successful marriage with a woman he met online. They took it slow - and there were no previous marriages/children in the mix. Still, it can be done. They did meet in person before it got serious. Meeting confirmed a lot for them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 There are benefits to meeting on-line. You spend a lot of time "talking" about everything. WAY more than you might otherwise. If you get together and go on dates, sure you might talk and even a lot, but there are many instances where you might not talk about anything too deep (because other people are listening or you are busy with doing whatever it is you are doing on the date). So just because you get together with someone many times doesn't mean there is more getting to know someone than if you talk to them all the time on-line. That said, I would not just up and move to be with someone without at least meeting them in person a few times. Don't know what magical number of times that would be, but to just up and move without any of that, no. But if you are talking about an adult...well then what can ya do? I met my husband as an adult. My parents were supportive. And at the time it wasn't as "hip" as it is now. In fact I did not tell most people how we met at that point because a lot of people seemed to think it was kinda weird. Now? Nah. People meet on-line all the time. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I would live to add to this as I'm definitely in the middle of this situation right now. I'm trying to keep things private since I'm not sure if my dd knows about this page. You are welcome to PM. I also just started a chat group "Parents of Adult children" that you are welcome to join. Just PM me if you would like an invitation. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I met my husband on-line, but we met in person several times. The bulk of our relationship prior to marrying was long distance though. Very long distance. We've been married over 16 years. So it worked out. This. Except that a lot of our relationship is STILL long distance 16 years later because DH is active duty military. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 She is 28 and feels her clock it ticking and she is willing to move more fast than she might have previously. that would be the most concerning thing to me that she might make a rash decision. My dd got engaged at 30 (well, talking about getting engaged/looking at rings after thanksgiving so it wasn't "official" until christmas eve.) two weeks after she and dsil started spending time together. this was a girl who would date a guy a maximum of 3X before shouting "NEXT*. they had met briefly two years previously - and were both very attracted to each other, but somehow things didn't work for a date. (fine with me - she needed to finish grad school.) he turned down a job with his current employer (he started a year ago) as it would require him to move, but that prompted him to actually contact her so they went out. things moved very fast. they've been married for 1 1/2 years now. amazing how well perfect for each other they are. I guess my point - things can move fast and be fine, but if she's feeling other pressures that have nothing to do with him, she might be more likely to ignore any warning signs. that would make me encourage her to stand further back so she won't ignore anything. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I know too many people these days who have met online and later married (including me) to say it isnt a real relationship. I was in Australia and my DH was in Canada. We met one time in person before we got engaged. Still married with three kids 12 years later. Everyone I know who has married after an online relationship is still together. In my opinion it works better because if you can only hang out online then all you can really do is talk and chat which means you get to know them better then if you are staring at a movie together or other stuff. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 In the past there were large amounts of people who courted long distances by written letters, often meeting in real life only just before getting married, usually after one of the party had traveled half way around the world by ship. I don't see online relationships any less real 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 (edited) Anne have you or your husband chatted with him also? Does the young man want to personally visit your Dd meet her family get to know you all better. I'm glad there are some good stories of online relationships that worked out. I can't imagine not dating and talking to someone face to face, getting to know who they are. You can't exactly have a picnic in the park or go to the fair or walk on the beach or be picked up at work for a lunch date in an online only relationship until they can visit in person. Edited January 22, 2017 by lynn 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Anne have you or your husband chatted with him also? Does the young man want to personally visit your Dd meet her family get to know you all better. I'm glad there are some good stories of online relationships that worked out. I can't imagine not dating and talking to someone face to face, getting to know who they are. You can't exactly have a picnic in the park or go to the fair or walk on the beach or be picked up at work for a lunch date in an online only relationship until they can visit in person. The only thing that can happen is the person can just not be who they say they are. They could spend a long time lying. But they could do that to your face too. But to say you aren't getting to know someone because you can't take a walk on the beach? No that's just not the case. My biggest concern was that I had not lived with my husband prior to us marrying. Every time we were together it was like a major holiday and celebratory. It was a big deal because one of us had traveled from far to be with the other. So our families also made a big deal out of it. I wondered what things would be like if times weren't super happy happy. But then even if you marry someone and none of this is the case, there are still unknowns. And then of course some people would outright forbid their kid to live with someone prior to marrying them. And they call that proper and moral and stuff. Go figure. LOL Before meeting my husband I had dated a guy for 4 years. That's a fairly long time I think. Towards the end I had some health issues. It was at that point I found out what kind of person he was. The health issues weren't major and weren't long lasting, but it took four years of being with him almost daily to find out he wasn't that nice of a person. And we took many walks on beaches. We went on dates every week. We met up nearly every other day on some weeks. All that meeting up didn't really help me to get to know him as much as I knew my husband before we married. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I agree with Sparkly, just because you are face to face with someone does not guarantee you are getting to know them. In fact, I think some people tend to share more of themselves when communicating on-line than in person. There are many times many stories of people who dated in person, felt they knew each other, then found out they didn't know each other at all. My cousin dated her first husband, worked with him, met his family, thought she knew him well...and the marriage ended within months because once they were married he felt he owned her. He locked her in a closet to prevent her from coming to see our family at the holidays. He was abusive...but that was not evident before marriage. On the flip side of the coin, not ever meeting someone while potentially actively planning a marriage also raises concerns. I would hope she would want to meet and get to know him in person at least a few times, and meet his family, have him meet OPs family too, and meet the child, etc.. When you get married, you aren't just marrying the person you have been communicating with. You are getting the whole package, whether all of it is as you had hoped it would be or not. Better to ask some harder questions, get to know the whole picture a bit better, before leaping into a marriage. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 (edited) I know too many people these days who have met online and later married (including me) to say it isnt a real relationship. I was in Australia and my DH was in Canada. We met one time in person before we got engaged. Still married with three kids 12 years later. Everyone I know who has married after an online relationship is still together. In my opinion it works better because if you can only hang out online then all you can really do is talk and chat which means you get to know them better then if you are staring at a movie together or other stuff. with online - ds and his gf do watch movies and tv shows. they just do it online (and have to get them synced. but ds is a computer nerd.) and he'll communicate with her on his phone when he's here and we're in a group as well as when he's at his house (he's a student. lives with dd.) op - one thing to pay attention to, which is just as applicable to irl relationships, -- is what kind of person is she becoming due to the relationship? is she a better person? the same? going backwards? it may also be too early to notice any difference. eta: and I agree - you can spend a lot of face time with someone, and still not "know" them. dh and I didn't date - we talked. and talked. though it was in person. our first real *date* .. . was the day before we got engaged. (and he spent half of our engagement out of town on business.) Edited January 22, 2017 by gardenmom5 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 Ah. I see you mention she's 28 with (she feels) a ticking biological clock. I don't think it's uncommon to want to move quickly at that age. People can make bad decisions at any time, but I'll say I know several women in their late twenties/early thirties who felt similarly and made quick decisions they really regretted. I would encourage a lot of caution and to slow way down! I have also known women who hurried up to marry in their mid thirties who were very sorry. But I would have thought dd was too young for that at 28. She is starting to feel like the good ones are gone, I think, so she's excited for a good looking guy with a good job, and I think a cute 4yo doesn't hurt because she knows he's got good genes, lol. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 In the past there were large amounts of people who courted long distances by written letters, often meeting in real life only just before getting married, usually after one of the party had traveled half way around the world by ship. I don't see online relationships any less real That is also what does concern me. My great grandfather used to write to women in the lonely hearts sections. He was a great writer but he had a wife and six kids and was raising two grand kids. He would run off and hang out with those women while they had money and then come back home. A real charmer, that one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 (edited) Sorry if this offends, but it's not a relationship. They don't really know each other at all. The fact that he is talking about marriage would have me cutting things off immediately. That's just scary. Edited January 22, 2017 by wintermom 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 (edited) I have also known women who hurried up to marry in their mid thirties who were very sorry. But I would have thought dd was too young for that at 28. She is starting to feel like the good ones are gone, I think, so she's excited for a good looking guy with a good job, and I think a cute 4yo doesn't hurt because she knows he's got good genes, lol. Some of it is cultural. Are most of her friends married? Relatives? Church members if applicable? Where I live, most women at 28 have been married several years and usually have a couple children. Certainly, unmarried by 30 is still a common TV/movie trope. Edited January 22, 2017 by wonderchica 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Some of it is cultural. Are most of her friends married? Relatives? Church members if applicable? Where I live, most women at 28 have been married several years and usually have a couple children. Certainly, unmarried by 30 is still a common TV/movie trope. I agree, there may be a cultural component, too. In some areas I have lived if you haven't married by 30 people are assuming you aren't interested in marriage. [On the flip side of that coin, only one person in my very large group of college friends got married before 30 and most didn't have kids until they were mid-30s (or even early 40s and in one instant twins at 45). Just a different culture/group/area.] 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hmm, this thread touched a chord in me because I WAS that person in an on-line relationship. My advice is to NOT underestimate the power of the feelings involved. Yes, I was a teenager, but the feelings that I felt while on the phone with this man were incredibly intense, if not the most intense of my life. We did meet twice in person and I will admit, it was much different, although I still remember sobbing as I left him at the airport as he wiped tears away. He was my first "love". I put "love" in quotes because like previous posters, I'm not sure that I really knew him as a person who is in love knows their partner. I knew what he wanted to share-which in some ways seems very shallow. But in other ways, I feel that I knew his heart in such an intimate way that no one will ever know again, and I feel he knows me in the same way. My hopes, my dreams, my insecurities. I don't know-it's the most complicated thing I've ever dealt with and those feelings 20 years later are still somewhere under the surface. Long ago, we ultimately decided that we would not pursue anything, and it ended because he met someone, who he is now married too. I am happily married too, but if I'm 100% honest...one conversation with that man would bring me to my knees with emotion. It's a very strange dynamic-and I don't think a very healthy one.I'm pretty certain a real relationship would fall flat quickly. But do we have/had a very special chemistry? You bet. Anyway, just wanted to share my experience. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) At what point do others take them seriously, LOL. My oldest is in a relationship (she just changed her Facebook status and so the young man in question) with someone she never met but texts and snapchats frequently. She "met" him through mutual friend but he is currently living on the east coast while she lives on the west coast. He does plan to move back to the west coast this coming spring but not to where dd lives. He is hoping they will still be together and she will move to be with him. DD was very upset with dh earlier in the week for not being happy enough for her. DH doesn't feel it is a real relationship because they have never once met in person. I don't think it is the same as if they were seeing each other in person myself, but both of us do understand that it's a new world out there. People meet online and marry successfully all the time. Of course, we all know of people who met online and married too soon and it didn't work out at all... IDK. I think that I'm not going to worry about a wedding until they have lived in the same state awhile, but he seems to want to hurry up and get married when he moves back. I think that sounds a little scary, all abusers need women to marry them FAST, before they reveal themselves too much. However he is a single dad with full custody and may just want to hurry up and have a mate. He has a 4yo ds. My dd is amazing with kids and that is probably why mutual friends thought of fixing them up. The bolded is the part that most concerns me. When I was young and single, I knew a guy who fit this description. He was great looking and owned a successful restaurant, and he was the single father of two young children. This guy would have married anybody just to have someone at home to take care of his kids. He wanted them to have a mom and not just a babysitter -- and he didn't really like taking care of them himself -- and I'm not kidding you when I say that he must have proposed to at least a half dozen different women within weeks of meeting them, and that was over the course of the year or so that I knew him. The women all refused, but that was back in the dark ages of the 1980's and they all met him in person and not online, so I guess they were all able to see the desperation in his eyes. ;) I would be very concerned that the man your dd is "dating" may have a similar motivation. Additionally, I would worry about his own common sense because he's getting awfully serious with a woman he has never met in person and he has no idea if your dd is great with kids or if she's a child molester or if she has a violent temper or if she would do any number of things that could put his child's safety at risk. This is something for your dd to consider because what if, heaven forbid, she marries this guy and has a child of her own with him, and then something happens to her or they get divorced? Would she really want her dh shopping for a replacement mom online and getting so serious with someone he has never even met in person? Would she want a total stranger potentially becoming a stepmom to her own child? I know I sound paranoid, but as I mentioned, I knew a guy who fit the description and I'm worried that your dd may be falling for a guy who really only wants someone to raise his child for him. Hey, for all I know, he could be a wonderful guy and my suspicions are completely off base, but he seems to be in an awfully big hurry to get her to move away from her family and be with him, particularly considering their lack of in-person interaction. It seems like too much, too soon. (EDITED for typos!) Edited January 24, 2017 by Catwoman 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I definitely think an online relationship can be 'real' and it certainly involves real feelings. On the other hand, there's a bit of a limit to how far you can/should take things without meeting each other, and moving and getting engaged are both over the line for me. When do they plan to meet? If neither of them can cough up airfare and a free weekend to meet the person they're serious about, the marriage plans need to go on the back burner. It's something they can talk about after he's close enough to visit. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 One of my friends met her husband in an online video game. He came to visit after awhile and they visited back and forth for sometime. He moved across country to be near her and they got married and now have a son. I was skeptical but it's been 7 years since he moved up here and they are very happy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I think it's their relationship and they get to define it. So of course she takes offense if her father refuses to recognize how she has defined it. I met dh IRL, but the bulk of our courtship was via email over the course of several months. Then we met again. And, of course, now we've been married for nearly two decades. I think the courtship online was fine. Maybe better than doing it in person for some of the reasons Sparkly said above. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I think it's their relationship and they get to define it. So of course she takes offense if her father refuses to recognize how she has defined it. Yeah frankly she is just WAY too much into adulthood to be treated this way. And if a parent really wants to have any influence then nothing drives people closer than disapproval! Who knows. Maybe they'll really hit it off and this will be an interesting dinner table story. Kinda like how DH and I met. That feels like a million years ago and at this point it would feel pretty weird to have anyone doubt our relationship. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Yeah frankly she is just WAY too much into adulthood to be treated this way. And if a parent really wants to have any influence then nothing drives people closer than disapproval! Who knows. Maybe they'll really hit it off and this will be an interesting dinner table story. Kinda like how DH and I met. That feels like a million years ago and at this point it would feel pretty weird to have anyone doubt our relationship. I so agree with this. My dh has always told dd that she needs to get married & have babies. She hates kids & isn't interested in dating at all. Dh & I met online & will celebrate 22 years this summer. It is possible! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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