s/o, Hospitality expectations & trends in America

[Bambam]

I'd prefer to hibernate all the time, but I have kids and it isn't good to always be alone, so, yes, I've had some people over. I don't do it very often because I find it tiringr. It isn't so much about the house as I would just like to be able to say, "Go home now" when I'm tired, but inviting people over for 15 minutes is probably rude!

 

So, I've hosted teen parties for my children. I provide the main dish (taco meat, chili, etc) and have the kids use a signupgenius list to bring other items. I'd be happy to provide everything, but people seem to feel more comfortable if they can bring something, you know? I pretty much let the kids entertain themselves with games or movies (pre-announced game or movie night). I did have an ice-breaker game the very first time - which served its purpose (which I'm not sure was to get the kids talking or give them a common enemy=me!). 

 

My girls used to hold Pinterest parties (crafting)

 

I've hosted work parties for our community service group. 

 

I've been the house where people hold homeschool classes (but only if my kids are interested in the class!).

 

But, I notice that very few people invite anyone over. Everyone says they love our teen parties and we should do this more often. That directly translates to I-should-do-this-more-often, because only one of them has ever hosted a party. 

 

My house isn't perfect, but it is probably cleaner than most - but I only have two, both have been trained to be helpful/responsible around the house (and are generally agreeable and helpful anyway). Both are teens and one left for college, so even easier now.  So, I think that makes it easier for us to have a neater house. But I mostly don't care about the condition of your house if it is livable (exceptions being house where roaches will run around in plain sight, where cats have used the house as their litter box and no one cleans it up, that level.)

 

But I know it is stressful to invite people over. So, even though I'm the only one hosting parties for the teens, I still do it. Because I think they need somewhere to gather to hang out together. But sometimes I feel used.  

Edited January 17, 2017 by Bambam

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'd love to meet people to play board games.  I don't come across a lot of people who are into it. 

 

HOWEVER, I'm not cut throat and I don't want to play with people who are too serious. 

 

We have those paint and sip places around here.  Not really my thing, but it's a cool idea.

 

 

[BarbecueMom]

I'll be honest, I don't invite people over often because of the liability issue. We're remodeling, slowly, and sometimes there's things that are just a big old attractive nuisance. Like, the pile of boards with stripped screws in my yard that was turned into a bridge over a giant hole in my yard. My kids know what to touch and what to leave alone, usually because they've been helping with whatever project is going on, but sometimes their friends mess with something or climb on something before anyone can tell them not to.

 

Adults are fine, except I really don't know any that don't come with kids.

[BarbecueMom]

I'd love to meet people to play board games. I don't come across a lot of people who are into it.

 

HOWEVER, I'm not cut throat and I don't want to play with people who are too serious.

 

We have those paint and sip places around here. Not really my thing, but it's a cool idea.

I think a "game and sip" place would be fun. It would be nice to have a place with a large enough table for a group to play. All of our tables barely fit the five of us to play anything.

[kewb]

One other thing I thought about in regards to hospitality.  My dh has a chronic illness.  More often then not he is not up to the stress of having people over.  When he was healthy we used to have friends over, go to friends houses, socialize.  I am afraid my kids only remember the years from when he got sick.  Rarely do we have anbyone over.  Rarely do we go anywhere.  They think this is the norm and I fear they won't know how to be hospitable.  Even though I have assured them it is not the norm you learn what you live.

 

Two parent working households has also taken it's toll.  When you just want to go home and get in your pajamas it is difficult to think about hanging out with friends let alone do it.

[Donna]

The kids in our neighborhood are teens or older but even when they were younger, they were rarely outside playing. Most kids are doing extracurricular activities (sports or whatever) and parents all work. We have a neighbor behind us who will stop over on occasion or we stop there. We watch each other's animals when needed. I am generally introverted but I enjoy having company now and then or visiting. The majority of the people I know are very hospitable. I tend to want my house to look nice if having company but don't care how someone else's house looks.

 

I do think it is different now. When I was young there was a neighborhood full of kids playing outside until dark and many houses in the neighborhood were open to visitors or people sat outside on porches open to anyone stopping for a chat. I do think it is due to busy-ness and lack of free time in society today.

[KungFuPanda]

Maybe it's the prevalence of front-yard seating areas that let us know if people want company or not?  Around here, they don't build that many front porches.  Back home, people are hanging out on front porches in comfortable furniture and visit with whoever happens by.  

[Guest]

One other thing I thought about in regards to hospitality. My dh has a chronic illness. More often then not he is not up to the stress of having people over. When he was healthy we used to have friends over, go to friends houses, socialize. I am afraid my kids only remember the years from when he got sick. Rarely do we have anbyone over. Rarely do we go anywhere. They think this is the norm and I fear they won't know how to be hospitable. Even though I have assured them it is not the norm you learn what you live.

 

.

I experienced similar when I was ill. Its as if they refuse to believe I was that ill, and was feigning. My inlaws are still upset that I didn't provide food and cleanup for their Thanksgiving that year. I am still angry that they wouldn't give me a chair to sit in, but on the other hand I am really happy that they clarified their status. Being ill shows you who is truly family and who is truly a friend.

[marbel]

Something about Pinterest-worthy houses.  I actually like it when I go to someone's house and it is not perfectly neat and clutter free.  A little dust is nice to see too.  It makes me more relaxed and more inclined to want to invite them over, as it makes me feel less likely to be judged by my house.  Our house is old and some of it is rundown.  The kitchen floor is never going to be really clean anymore, kwim?   

 

One of the best social occasions my family  ever had - we still talk about it over 10  years later - was when a family from our old church invited us to their house. They'd been to our many times, because we lived close to the church and often had lunches, classes, events there.  They lived far out.  Anyway, they were a family of 8 living in a small manufactured home.  It was not shiny and new by any means.  They welcomed us so warmly and enthusiastically.  We had such a good time. They were not ashamed of anything, did not apologize for anything.  It was so comfortable!

 

If I go to someone's home and they apologize for the "mess" when it's just a few things around, I feel very uncomfortable and I am  unlikely to want to invite them to my house.  Same with women (men never do this) who apologize in advance for the poor quality of the food.   It's so awkward.  I mean, what are you supposed to say?   "Oh, it's all delicious!" is the only polite response.

[Spryte]

This is an interesting thread. We don't live terribly close to family, so friends, neighbors and coworkers it is.

 

We moved from a commuter neighborhood last year. Very few kids, most people were not often home. Very rarely did people open their homes there - we had parties, but we were definitely in the minority. We did invite neighbors, who always seemed to enjoy it, but only one set of neighbors reciprocated. I was so happy when they moved in, actually, because we could create more sense of community together.

 

Our new neighborhood is better. There are constantly kids playing, and on any given day we have 6 - 7 extra kids in our yard. Yesterday we had an impromptu cook out for 11. They run in and out of our house to use the bathroom or get bandaids, or water. They walk our dogs, and play in our yard. They also came and shoveled our snow last week. :)

 

We have friends over at least every two weeks, often more. We do a Tiara Night most Fridays in the summer - we make pizza, cheesecake, and anyone who has worked hard all week can come hang out and wear a tiara. Neighbors stop in, and we have friends who usually spend the night.

 

But I wouldn't call it entertaining the way my parents did. They were more of the formal dinner party type.

[Tap]

When I used to host quite a bit, I didn't mind it as much because I had everything I needed set aside and easily accessible.  Things like party platters and extra serving dishes/implements.  Table clothes, extra chairs and what-nots. I even had a party box full of decorations, trinkets for the kids and things like a serving spatula and cake knife, scissors and tape.  It was a self contained party in a box, just add food. LOL Over the years, we needed them less and less and they moved to be stored in less obvious locations.  I now have to get into the attic and garage and under the cupboard that requires me to sit on the floor to access. 

 

Now, if I have to host I dread all the extra work.  The cleaning and prepping.  The planning and guessing how much of xyz to buy.  And the expense! Parties can get really expensive, really quick!

 

I have also figured out that I don't get to enjoy the party if I am the hostess. And like Regentude said, once you are the person who hosts, others seem to stop and 'always' let you host.  I am busy working my butt off and aside from a 5 or 10 minute conversation here or there, I spend half a day of my life to make things great for others, and then a few hours cleaning afterward and putting everything back away.  But rarely, does it get reciprocated. 

 

For family holidays, I host about 3/4 of them.  For that remaining one out of four, I have to make it a point to not host, just so I get a break.  

[MysteryJen]

We used to have people over often, usually 2 or more times a week. But that was when the kids were little. That was much easier in lots of ways, potlucks, coffees, etc. The thing that really slowed the hospitality was that swimming took over our lives. Practice every day and weekend meets meant that there was little time for get-togethers and frankly, we had socialized all weekend and needed a break. In addition, we moved parishes and our kids were older than others in that group and the teens started having their own lives.

I have always had an open door for teens. That is easy: food and wi-fi.

 

My dh loves to have people over, but I have gotten out of the habit.

[Rebel Yell]

 

How about you?  Is your neighborhood open and hospitable?  Do you tend to keep your house open or closed to drop-in visitors?  Perhaps the house has to first meet a certain standard for visitors?  Is it uncomfortable to accept hospitality in a cluttered, dusty, small, etc, house?  How well do you need to know someone before you feel comfortable letting your child into their home alone?  Do you feel a shift in America's character in both offering and accepting hospitality?  For those who live elsewhere, what does hospitality in your area look like today, and has it changed over the years?

My neighborhood is weird. I've actually lived in the same house for 41 years, since I started second grade. (Had apartments one year each at age 21 and as a 24yo newlywed) and about half of my immediate neighbors are the parents of kids I grew up with. I have only ever been inside three of these houses, plus three more of those who are "new". It is a suburban neighborhood, no sidewalks, no front porches. It is also across a major highway with only three streets in the same town or school dupistrict as the "world" across the highway, so isolated but not really, KWIM?

 

I have an open door policy. There are only two adults and one entire family who are not welcome at all ever. Out of all of my daughters's friends, we have THE smallest house. Only BabyBaby's BF shares a room w siblings, all other friends have their own rooms, and many their own bathrooms, plus pool tables, air hockey, basketball hoops and space to play... our house would make a nice playhouse or pool cabana for some of them, LOL! Yet somehow, they always end up here. There is a huge hole in our bathroom wall because it's not worth fixing until we can tear out the half-broken but functional-enough plumbing and fix it all right. I don't have a dining room. 90% of our food comes from Aldi. My best decor and furniture wouldn't even be a "before" picture on a pinterest page it's so bad!

 

The house is cluttered, but not filthy. There are some weird mildew spots that aren't a priority. Before guests arrive, we clean the main bathroom, empty the trash cans, and sweep the living room and kitchen floors. There are still bins and baskets piled in a corner of the kitchen due to an ongoing cabinet reorganization project. The basement is cluttered with a lifetime of my stuff plus everything that was left behind or inherited in the past 41 years. I'm working on it, but even still, one of the DDs and a BF will sit on the lumpy old basement couch and play video games and laugh like crazy and enjoy the time.

 

Anyone is welcome to any food, if something is being saved for a recipe I mark it. I keep Orange Crush and Mtn. Dew for the BFs, always have hummous and flavored coffee creamer for the BFF. For kids friends, I only need advance notice if BFs are coming over so at least one parent will be here. (Our rule, also the rule of the BF family) One BFF in particular has stopped in unannounced, and even stayed after we had to leave so she could help herself to a second taco LOL! (as I am typing this, this BFF literally just popped in on her way from early dismissal toma theater internship, with Dunkin Donuts! :wub: )

 

So.... while KIDS are always here, not so much grown ups. :( I'd love it if BFs mom or dad would stop in when they drop off or pick up The Boy, they know they are welcome to, but life is busy. I have more tea than anyone should have, so there is a huge variety. I can always find something to nibble on. I love having the kids over. I wish more adults had time. I'd happily go to anyone's home. I don't care if it's dusty, or cluttered, or noisy. OK, I do hope your dog won't lick me, and I won't sit in a cat pee spot on the couch. I don't care if you offer me stale Doritos and tap water. I just want to hang out and chat.

 

And a PSA: No matter what shape your house is in, please don't apologize and call it "filthy" unless it's so bad that Hoarders is coming to film the next day. A very awesome lady, who I am still friendly with today, invited me over when Diamond was in preschool so I could see how homeschooling worked. She apologized that her house was so filthy, she was genuinely embarrassed that she hadn't had time to do her daily mopping of the floors. O.o Her house was so clean you could serve soup out of the toilet. I felt so crummy, if she thought her gorgeous home was filthy, there was no way I could ever invite her into mine. And sadly, I never did. So Friends, take care of any health hazards, tidy up as best as you can, but don't let a little dust or clutter stop you from building relationships.

[LucyStoner]

Eh. Different people are different. I don't think it matters if people want to host or not. They should do what works for them and not worry that they are somehow socially defective if they don't like to share their space.

 

I have been a prolific host. I have been a near hermit. I am mostly an inbetweener. I don't think any way is morally superior.

[KarenC]

I have noticed in the last few years some interesting trends in terms of meeting with people.  The big one is people meeting up in organized ways outside of homes.  There are a few cafes here now that do board games, for example, and there are nights when groups meet.  There are groups that go to the big outdoor skating rinks.  There is the Ladies Beer Legue, and a hatchet throwing group.

 

We have a new central library that is largely composed of public meeting/leisure space.

 

A lot of these are just open to the public.

A hatchet throwing group?  Where do you live that people throw hatchets around?  I'm trying to picture this.   :laugh:

[SamanthaCarter]

I don't have any real friends, more like a collection of years long acquaintances. I know the reason is because of my lack of casual social opportunities. I haven't had any families over to our house since we moved to this house in June. I always imagined our next house would be more conducive to hosting, but we ended up in 1600 useable square feet. I'm a little afraid to try to have five or so extra people in this space.

 

Back at our old place, we had people over on Sunday evenings quite a bit. I got so tired though. Never ever reciprocated. Maybe they were so appalled at the shabbiness and the dog hair they didn't feel comfortable? I felt like such a social outcast. I can't remember the last time I was invited to someone's house that wasn't an organized church event. I can't do weekly gatherings at a coffee shop or restaurant, it's honestly not in the budget. It's a hard puzzle to solve for a socially anxious but friend-wanting person like me!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited January 17, 2017 by SamanthaCarter

[Bluegoat]

A group of my friends sometimes meets at the pub for happy hour. And non-drinkers are welcome; I always have just a cup of tea.

Another group meets at the women's community center. The lady who runs an art studio there has regular events where you can drop in for a nominal fee, work on a little art project and have coffee, or some are BYOB. Often it's groups of friends who go together. Evening paint-n-sips are popular.

So even if somebody has a messy house or feels uncomfortable inviting people over, there are ways to socialize elsewhere.

 

I think this is a positive trend.  It's a way of attempting to create the public spaces that people often don't have in their neighbourhoods.

 

THat being said, when you have to go to some kind of business to make it happen, it does mean spending, and carving out extra time.  not quite the same as meeting people regularly as you go about daily life.

[HollyDay]

I've been thinking about the whole hospitality thing lately.  it will be 2 years this March that we moved into our home.  Well, 2 years ago March that we closed on the home, probably more like April that we moved in.  But, in all that time, we have not been invited over to a single house for a single thing.  Not a dinner, not a party, not a gathering, nothing.  And no one has accepted an invitation.  My college dd has had friends over for games but that is her age group, not mine.  I've asked ladies to meet for coffee or lunch somewhere and only twice in the last 2 years has that happened.  We are involved in some local activities and our homeschool group so we are "out there meeting and greeting."  But everyone is so busy and so tired and so tired and so busy.  And everyone always has family obligations.  And everyone seems to have lived here since middle school so they already have their friend sets established.

 

People are very nice.  They smile, wave, chat about the weather.  Many are willing to chat if I call (but don't reach out to me themselves).  They will offer advice or make suggestions (typical new-to-the-area stuff).  But, nothing goes beyond that surface level. 

[Bluegoat]

A hatchet throwing group?  Where do you live that people throw hatchets around?  I'm trying to picture this.   :laugh:

It is actually in a bar.  People drink beer and throw hatchets at a target.

[SamanthaCarter]

We are hospitable in ways that might not come to mind immediately. Our office has a sleeper sofa that is always available to the out of state ILs (which they gladly take advantage of whenever possible) and has served as a weeks long in between home for someone who needed the help (twice - what an inspiring story I'm glad to have had a role in!)

 

People who offer rides to kids or have someone tag along for an outing or backyard project are hospitable.

 

 

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[Free Indeed]

A hatchet throwing group? Where do you live that people throw hatchets around? I'm trying to picture this. :laugh:

Not sure where she lives, but I'm in Texas and we do. 😂 My kids were pretty good at it.

[regentrude]

When I used to host quite a bit, I didn't mind it as much because I had everything I needed set aside and easily accessible.  Things like party platters and extra serving dishes/implements.  Table clothes, extra chairs and what-nots. I even had a party box full of decorations, trinkets for the kids and things like a serving spatula and cake knife, scissors and tape.  It was a self contained party in a box, just add food. LOL Over the years, we needed them less and less and they moved to be stored in less obvious locations.  I now have to get into the attic and garage and under the cupboard that requires me to sit on the floor to access. 

 

Now, if I have to host I dread all the extra work.  The cleaning and prepping.  The planning and guessing how much of xyz to buy.  And the expense! Parties can get really expensive, really quick!

 

I have also figured out that I don't get to enjoy the party if I am the hostess. And like Regentude said, once you are the person who hosts, others seem to stop and 'always' let you host.  I am busy working my butt off and aside from a 5 or 10 minute conversation here or there, I spend half a day of my life to make things great for others, and then a few hours cleaning afterward and putting everything back away.  But rarely, does it get reciprocated. 

 

My solution: host low key.

It now takes me only 30 minutes to put together everything for an after dinner reception: cheese tray, bread, veggie tray, hummus, fruit, something sweet. Stuff got bought during the regular grocery run that week. Kitchen is at regular clean level. Set out glasses and drinks. Everything goes on the kitchen counters. Done. Enjoy the company. No table cloths, no decorations, people stand around in the kitchen anyway. If I have N chairs, N people can sit - the rest stands. And nobody ever sits on the sofa in the picked up living room - people stay in the kitchen where the food is.

 

The only time where I really spend a day cooking is when I have 50 people over for salads and brats; I start cooking in the morning for a 5pm party. 

Dinner parties with a cooked meal - no more than 1 hour prep time.Anything more elaborate happens only at Thanksgiving.

 

One can entertain with a limited budget and with limited time. If cost is an issue, ask people to bring something to drink. Or go potluck all the way. 

Edited January 17, 2017 by regentrude

[Joyofsixreboot]

I'm all about the casual. Just show up/come over I'm good BUT dh is introvert city, extremely uncomfortable with most people and tired after a 12 hour day so.....if you can't cone over between 8-5 when he's not here it doesn't work 😟 * he doesn't complain or gripe it is just obvious he doesn't enjoy company and I feel he's entitled to privacy in his own home.

[regentrude]

I think this is a positive trend.  It's a way of attempting to create the public spaces that people often don't have in their neighbourhoods.

 

THat being said, when you have to go to some kind of business to make it happen, it does mean spending, and carving out extra time.  not quite the same as meeting people regularly as you go about daily life.

 

It's not so much for meeting people - it's for getting together with people you are friends with IRL and simply moving the socializing to a public space instead of a private home. I still meet them as I go about my daily life - but I hang out with them in a place that is not somebody's home.

Edited January 17, 2017 by regentrude

[PeacefulChaos]

I have noticed in the last few years some interesting trends in terms of meeting with people.  The big one is people meeting up in organized ways outside of homes.  There are a few cafes here now that do board games, for example, and there are nights when groups meet.  There are groups that go to the big outdoor skating rinks.  There is the Ladies Beer Legue, and a hatchet throwing group.

 

We have a new central library that is largely composed of public meeting/leisure space.

 

A lot of these are just open to the public.

Just joining in with the others that are like - wow!  A hatchet-throwing group???!!  :lol:

:D

 

Maybe it's the prevalence of front-yard seating areas that let us know if people want company or not?  Around here, they don't build that many front porches.  Back home, people are hanging out on front porches in comfortable furniture and visit with whoever happens by.  

I read a book once that talked about this - that front porches were the place to be at one time in history, after dinner or whatever, and people would socialize and all that.  But then the back deck became the new thing, which were less accessible, and everyone's yard was soon fenced in, and slowly, over time, we migrated into our own little house and stayed there.

It's a little overdramatic, but I can definitely see the merit of that viewpoint.  I'm inclined to believe that it does have something to do with it.

 

This is an interesting thread. We don't live terribly close to family, so friends, neighbors and coworkers it is.

 

We moved from a commuter neighborhood last year. Very few kids, most people were not often home. Very rarely did people open their homes there - we had parties, but we were definitely in the minority. We did invite neighbors, who always seemed to enjoy it, but only one set of neighbors reciprocated. I was so happy when they moved in, actually, because we could create more sense of community together.

 

Our new neighborhood is better. There are constantly kids playing, and on any given day we have 6 - 7 extra kids in our yard. Yesterday we had an impromptu cook out for 11. They run in and out of our house to use the bathroom or get bandaids, or water. They walk our dogs, and play in our yard. They also came and shoveled our snow last week. :)

 

We have friends over at least every two weeks, often more. We do a Tiara Night most Fridays in the summer - we make pizza, cheesecake, and anyone who has worked hard all week can come hang out and wear a tiara. Neighbors stop in, and we have friends who usually spend the night.

 

But I wouldn't call it entertaining the way my parents did. They were more of the formal dinner party type.

 

Ok this is just awesome.

Granted, my boys wouldn't probably love wearing tiaras.  But it's still awesome.  :D  

 

 

I already commented once but I just had to come back because today after co-op we headed over to my best friend's house.  I wanted some ice cream so I grabbed the nearly-full quart or whatever it is they sell now of cookies and cream out of my freezer when we stopped by to drop all our stuff off at home and let the dog out.  When I got there she was there and her 2 kids as well as the other 2 who had come home with her were all outside roaming the block - mine joined them without even coming in - and she was like, 'I want some pretzels!  So let's make some pretzels!' and we were throwing together pretzel bites and standing in the kitchen and kids were in and out and playing video games and capture the flag and all sorts of things - and it was just great.  I'm so thankful that I have someone we share that kind of relationship with.  This spring we joked that she and her kids lived at my house while we were preparing for field day.  :lol:  We'd sit for hours painting signs and listening to kpop while the kids were, once again, in and out and around.  If we got hungry we'd scrounge something up out of the freezer or order pizza.  

 

These things just make me so happy.  :)

 

 

And I'm also really lucky to have family that is much like this, as well.  My grandparents have, in their active retirement years, relaxed a little; nothing will ever change my grandma's neatness :lol: , but for family gatherings it's all very relaxed.  The kids and I were there for Thanksgiving and it's all laid back, board games, eat some, play some, etc.  My ILs are also extremely laid back about these things - on Christmas we do finger foods.  It's all we've done for the last... oh, gosh... 10 years?  Or more?  I know the tradition was started since I joined, so at least in the last 15 years sometime.  But anytime, year round, we're always comfortable walking in, kicking off our shoes, and finding food.  They're the same when they are here; sometimes they ask us to have the 'get together' at our house because we have more for the younger kids to do outside (playset, trampoline, etc - while they have more for the older ones, in the form of woods and a creek lol) and we're all just really low-key.  The boys' birthday parties are usually phone calls or texts a couple days before - 'Hey, we're going to have some pizza, cake, whatever, on Friday night for Link's birthday - bring the boys over!' 

 

 

Life like this makes me happy.  I want it to only be this way and even better.  :)  <3

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think this is a positive trend.  It's a way of attempting to create the public spaces that people often don't have in their neighbourhoods.

 

THat being said, when you have to go to some kind of business to make it happen, it does mean spending, and carving out extra time.  not quite the same as meeting people regularly as you go about daily life.

 

If you go somewhere in daily life how is you don't come across other people? 

 

Tell me where this place is.  I want to move there.  :laugh:

[shanezomom]

I grew up in a home where we never hosted anything and you better call a week in advance before you show up. My parents both come from very urban environments and introverted or shame-based (alcoholic) homes. I married into a huge extended extovert family from farming and small town backgrounds. It is like night and day. Good thing I'm an extrovert. We host big family events and so does my mother in law who thrives on the chaos of these big gatherings. They have hosted a neighborhood 4th of July breakfast for 45 years where 200 or more folks show up and she might not even know all of them.

 

We have get togethers for our neighbors but I have discovered a drawback. While I love getting to know them on a more personal level and have a real sense of community, now we know more than we want about their problems. Our neighbors directly across the street have some dire problems that are of their own making and dh and I said to each other this morning how now when we look across the street we wish we didn't know the details. I felt fine getting to know them enough to be able to pray for some obvious problems but it's now disappointing to know the whole picture. We included other neighbors in our open invitations and it eventually got really good sad because it was two older women and the one who owned the house died this summer from cancer and after the funeral the kids told her partner of 30 years that she needed to move out essentially making her homeless. We worked on options for a 67 year old woman with no assets and until she works her way through the waiting list for our senior apartments, she is staying with another friend.

 

So the hospitality we have extended has turned a little deeper and messier than we expected but we figure the good Lord put us on the earth to extend ourselves and show His love to the broken-hearted around us. I try to keep that in mind when we open our doors.

[Bluegoat]

If you go somewhere in daily life how is you don't come across other people? 

 

Tell me where this place is.  I want to move there.  :laugh:

 

Maybe the Antarctic?

 

:laugh: 

 

But what I meant was, come across the same people regularly.  It doesn't do much for you if you see a bunch of strangers every time you go to the grocery store - a place a lot of us spend quite a bit of time.

 

Say you know someone slightly - they live on your street, maybe, and then when you go out every day on your errands you meet that person regularly, and you chat a bit.  Over time it becomes a little more natural to extend an invitation, or find something in common, or just become a little more comfortable. 

 

And if you do strike up a friendship in this kind of scenario, it isn't like you have to go so much out of your way to maintain it by getting together.  Perhaps you take your babies for a walk together every day, or you meet for coffee while you get your groceries, or you just spend 10 min in passing when you meet by chance.  None of this requires setting aside a lot of extra time, or fitting things in, or driving to places you wouldn't otherwise go.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Maybe the Antarctic?

 

:laugh:

 

But what I meant was, come across the same people regularly.  It doesn't do much for you if you see a bunch of strangers every time you go to the grocery store - a place a lot of us spend quite a bit of time.

 

Say you know someone slightly - they live on your street, maybe, and then when you go out every day on your errands you meet that person regularly, and you chat a bit.  Over time it becomes a little more natural to extend an invitation, or find something in common, or just become a little more comfortable. 

 

And if you do strike up a friendship in this kind of scenario, it isn't like you have to go so much out of your way to maintain it by getting together.  Perhaps you take your babies for a walk together every day, or you meet for coffee while you get your groceries, or you just spend 10 min in passing when you meet by chance.  None of this requires setting aside a lot of extra time, or fitting things in, or driving to places you wouldn't otherwise go.

 

Only people I see regularly are certain people at smaller stores.  I could go to the park up the street every single day and not see the same people.  I find that odd.  But, whatta ya gonna do? 

 

It sure would be nice to meet some local people I could hang out with.  All the homeschoolers I know and have met up with don't live nearby.  So of course I rarely meet up with them because it's a major production to do so.

Edited January 19, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn

[Bluegoat]

Yes, its that major production that makes it not happen

 

I have a similar experience to your park.  I live about a block from a shopping area.  I do grocery shopping there, use the pharmacy, some banking, and my doctor and dentist are there.  I've only met someone from my neighbourhood once while shopping.  I think it just serves too big an area, and also it is too hard to know who actually lives in my neighbourhood because there aren't enough sidewalks.

[Spryte]

 

 

Ok this is just awesome.

Granted, my boys wouldn't probably love wearing tiaras.  But it's still awesome.   :D

 

 

 

Come over!  You'd rock a tiara!  :D

[HeWillSoar]

I do think the "HGTV-perfect" idea has discouraged people from being as hospitable as they perhaps used to be. People didn't have that much information about what people in a higher social class' houses looked like inside, so there wasn't so much striving.

 

But I think it's much more than that. There was a TV commercial a while back about how social media has become a sort of substitute for actual socializing and I think that is true.

 

However, I'm with Sparkly - I'm a major introvert and feel very protective of my sacred, at-home space. I loathe drop-in visits, or even just short-notice requests for hosting kids here. I put up a post about this a year or two ago because, despite not being in a neighborhood and living on 10 acres in the woods, there is a set of twins my son's age within walking distance and they now troop back and forth most every weekend. I tolerate this (son is an extrovert), but I would be totally happy if tomorrow they moved away and never dropped in again. I just DO NOT enjoy having extra kids here when I was envisioning a quiet day at home doing my own thing.

 

I was noticing at Christmas time that I have very different feelings about what standards I need to uphold when MY family vs. DH's family was coming over. My family is way more flexible about the food and nobody would even notice if, say, they had to sit on the couch because there was no more space at the tables. Seriously, my family - I could say, "Ta-Dah! Here's the Christmas Enchilladas!" and they would just go, "Oh, yummy! I love Tex-Mex!" But in-law's? It's a lot more pressure (or perceived pressure - it could just be me). I mean if you didn't make the pie from scratch, you're going on trial for a hanging. Or so I believe.

 

Well, that was a little ramble into Quill-land!

 

If I can add the the ramble, that is us!  With my family, I could break out papers plates on Christmas and it would be nobody would bat an eye but with my inlaws, I feel like we have to use the fine china.  In fact, my son told my MIL that he made a pie for Christmas and she proceeded to poop on it a little because he didn't make the crust from scratch.  Yes, he can do that and has plenty of times but he didn't feel like it this time. So what!