Another adult child query

[Granny_Weatherwax]

At what age do you, as the parent, stop paying for your adult child? I'm talking about things like health insurance premiums, insurance co-pays, life insurance premiums, uncovered health expenses, car insurance, etc.

 

Do you continue to pay until college graduation? Once they have left the nest? When they are financially stable? When the student loans are paid off?

 

For example, parents may keep their young adults on their insurance policy through age 26. Do you simply pay for that coverage oop or do you ask your young adult to help with the premium? Who is responsible for the co-pays when that young adult goes to the doctor? Do you receive the bills and pay them? Do you expect your young adult to take responsibility?

 

Edited: to change wording

Edited January 16, 2017 by Scoutermom

[maize]

I don't think parents are required to keep kids on their health insurance until age 26, that is just an available option.

[zoobie]

Parents are not **required** to keep their adult children on their health insurance. They may do so up to the age of 26. The tax penalty for being uninsured is on the adult child, not the parent.

 

My insurance premiums don't change with the number of children. We didn't buy through the ACA marketplace this year, but we did the past two years. No subsidies, so that wasn't a factor either.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Ok, so 'required' was bad wording. If you do keep your child on your insurance do you pay the premium? Do you ask the child to help pay?

[cjzimmer1]

At what age do you, as the parent, stop paying for your adult child? I'm talking about things like health insurance premiums, insurance co-pays, life insurance premiums, uncovered health expenses, car insurance, etc.

 

Do you continue to pay until college graduation? Once they have left the nest? When they are financially stable? When the student loans are paid off?

 

For example, parents are required to keep their young adults on their insurance policy through age 26. I get that. Do you simply pay for that coverage oop or do you ask your young adult to help with the premium? Who is responsible for the co-pays when that young adult goes to the doctor? Do you receive the bills and pay them? Do you expect your young adult to take responsibility?

 

I didn't think they were REQUIRED to keep them on, I thought they were ALLOWED to keep them on that long. 

 

My parents covered everything until I got out of college and then when I started my first job (I actually started before graduation), things were transferred to me as they came due. 

 

Right now we still pay for everything for DS.  I bought him a cell phone and set up up on a limited free plan (500 minutes, 500 texts, 500 MMS, and 1 gb data), if he goes over that amount or wants larger allocations he has to pay for an upgraded plan.  When he gets his license he has to pay half the insurance costs. Otherwise we cover all insurance expenses and copays.  I will cover him while he is in school and once he starts full time work I will transfer things to him as they come due. 

 

So by 22-23 I expect my kids to be full independent. Now if my kid doesn't graduate school in a timely manner or fails to find full time work.  I will reconsider based on the circumstances.

[cjzimmer1]

Ok, so 'required' was bad wording. If you do keep your child on your insurance do you pay the premium? Do you ask the child to help pay?

 

If it cost more to keep them on my plan I would ask them to contribute, if the premium didn't change, I wouldn't charge them.  I would ask them to cover on co-pay/deductible expense that applied to their care once they were working.

Edited January 16, 2017 by cjzimmer1

[Scarlett]

Parents aren't required to keep their adult kids on their insurance. It is just an option.

 

As for when you stop paying....that is just going to depend on so many factors. Your family cultural. The adult child's needs. The parents ability to comfortable pay. The attitude child. :)

 

Ideally I think a weaning off program will work with my son. Once he starts working full time he can live here for a year for free, but he will need to pay his auto insurance and his cell phone bill and all other personal expenses. He will get room and board from me.

 

 

Already, since he has a job, I have him buy his own entertainment unless it is a family outing. But he if he is out with his friends without us he pays his own way.

[bolt.]

I think that it is most reasonable for young adults and other people with low earnings to recieve healthcare as a public service. In places where that isn't possible, I still think of such costs as inappropriate whenever they are unaffordable, or where they create hardship, or where the costs would significantly compromise 'a good start'.

 

So, I consider it reasonable for parents to continue to provide coverage for as long as it is an unreasonable burden on a low-earning young adult -- unless it is an unreasonable burden on the parents to do so.

[regentrude]

I will help my adult children financially as long as they need it and are working towards becoming financially independent.

That means I pay while they are in college, help possibly when they are grad school or and when they have a low paying entry level job. As long as they continue their education or work full time, I am planning to help them. I expect them to take over more and more of their expenses as their income increases.

 

My parents supported my sister financially for several years when she was a single mom, in college/med school, a medical intern with low pay. That's our family culture.

 

ETA: Paying for my kids' healthcare ranks pretty high on the list of important things for me, like food and shelter. I would not want them to forgo medical care because of their low income.

Edited January 16, 2017 by regentrude

[kroe1]

I pay until the kiddo is out of college or marriage, whichever comes first. But, it really does not matter in the grand scheme of things how a family approaches this, I would guess.

[Lady Florida.]

Family culture will determine. For us it's as long as the adult child is still in college or until he starts working full time, whichever comes first. Dss couldn't have stayed on our policy until age 26 though, because back then it wasn't an option. 

[Bluegoat]

My parents kept me on their extended health insurance plan while I was in university - I can't remember if they did after when I was in community colledg (Canadian, more like trade or vocational school than the US version.)

 

While I was in university, the arrangement we had for finances was they usually covered things like dental or eyeglasses - all the expenses they had covered while I lived at home.  After I graduated, they helped out with some things while I did my diploma, and while I was looking for work.  That was more a case by case basis.  I wasn't particularly good at keeping up with those things during those years, my life was too disorganized.

[gardenmom5]

when they're in college - they're expected to contribute.  when they graduate - they're on their own.

I have two out, own their own homes.

I have two in college. . . .

 

we have many discussions and give practical help with necessities - and what aren't.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I plan to help my children as I am able until they are financially stable.  My adult son works hard at college and his job (which goes toward paying his college).  I'm happy to provide health insurance.  We are not financially able to provide car insurance as well so he is saving up money so that he can handle that when the time comes.  For that matter, I'm sure I will help my kids even later in life as I am able.  It's what our ILs and my parents have modeled for us. 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Here's a scenario (not real, it's hypothetical):

 

You have a YA college graduate working a minimum wage job. You pay the health insurance premium so the YA is covered. YA goes to the doctor and receives the EOB and the bill for the co-pay or uncovered portion. Do you expect the YA to send you the EOB and the bill? Do you expect the YA to just pay the bill? Does the YA call and say "Can you send me $50.00 to cover my co-pay?" without you ever seeing the EOB or the bill?

 

 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I don't have grown children, yet. I am a grown child, who has needed assistance at times. Thankfully my parents were willing to help.

 

I hope my children will be independent after college, and settled into employment that provides a living wage. Realistically, I know that may or may not happen. Not because they aren't motivated or skilled, but because it is harder and harder to make enough to live on.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Here's a scenario (not real, it's hypothetical):

 

You have a YA college graduate working a minimum wage job. You pay the health insurance premium so the YA is covered. YA goes to the doctor and receives the EOB and the bill for the co-pay or uncovered portion. Do you expect the YA to send you the EOB and the bill? Do you expect the YA to just pay the bill? Does the YA call and say "Can you send me $50.00 to cover my co-pay?" without you ever seeing the EOB or the bill?

 

My adult child lives at home and commutes to college.  I open the bills and the EOBs even though they are addressed to him because I do pay the bills.  He is ok with this and I do not open any of his other mail.  But I don't pay bills that are not matched to EOBs.  There have been too many errors on medical bills for me to trust them.  I would talk to the YA and would work something out.  If there is a privacy concern I would try to honor that, though that has not been an issue in our house. Most EOBs don't say anything specific about diagnoses etc. anyway and have stuff like "office visit" or "lab work" on them so I don't feel like I'm prying anyway.  And while the doctor's bill often has codes on them, I don't have the time or the inclination to call someone to find out exactly what those codes mean.

[Rebel Yell]

Totally variable. Diamond began paying her portion of car insurance. That was necessary as she is now working full time +, bought her own car, and SweetChild got her driver's license.

 

Not sure about health insurance costs, DH handles that. She does pay most of her office visit copays. I tell her she is required to eat vegetables and other healthy things as long as she's on our insurance ;)

 

BTW she lives at home, and is planning on returning to school in the fall, will be 25/26 when she finishes her degree, depending on graduation date. Then she's on her own.

[Pawz4me]

Until they're financially independent, with the assumption being that will be relatively soon after earning a four year degree. If they decide to continue on to earn an advanced degree (or return to school for that within a few years) then we'll certainly help if possible. Since we're fully covering the cost of their four year degrees we'll probably expect them to pick up the educational costs for anything beyond that, but we'd likely help them out with living expenses. But as long as they're trying (school, looking for work, working hard at a lower paying job, etc.) it's not like we're ever going to say "tough luck, kiddo, you're on your own." That's just not our family culture.

[Cinder]

If you do keep your child on your insurance do you pay the premium? Do you ask the child to help pay?

 

Our oldest is still in college (will grad in May) and he's still on our medical insurance. We plan to support our dc through college, including healthcare. So, yes, we're paying the premium, co-pays, all that. We have also been paying their car insurance as part of our supporting-through-college plan since both sons commute to school.

 

We don't have specific cut-off ages to stop financial support. As long as dh and I feel they are making appropriate forward progress--and we have the means--then we are happy to support them.

[Bluegoat]

Here's a scenario (not real, it's hypothetical):

 

You have a YA college graduate working a minimum wage job. You pay the health insurance premium so the YA is covered. YA goes to the doctor and receives the EOB and the bill for the co-pay or uncovered portion. Do you expect the YA to send you the EOB and the bill? Do you expect the YA to just pay the bill? Does the YA call and say "Can you send me $50.00 to cover my co-pay?" without you ever seeing the EOB or the bill?

 

I would prefer an arrangement that put as much of the administration in the hands of the YA as was possible.  Also - I would try and make sure there was privacy built in to whatever the arrangement was.

[Night Elf]

It doesn't cost us extra to have my oldest dd on our insurance, but she pays co-pays for visits and prescriptions. She's still on our cell phone plan but she pays us monthly for it. Really, once she started working full-time, she took over pretty much everything. I help out on occasion and she pays me back.

 

Ds only just got a job last October. The only expense he has is his cell phone and DH has said nothing about asking ds to pay for that. It was our idea he get one when he started college last school year. He has no need for it except to talk to me. We still pay for everything because he lives at home and doesn't make a lot of money. He has always paid for his entertainment like dvd's and computer games using his allowance. Once he started working, we stopped his allowance. He has Aspergers and it may be years before he's ready to move out, or to get a job that allows him to move out.

 

For dd18 in college, we pay for almost everything. She's not even working right now. She saved up money from her part-time job and uses it to buy extra stuff like takeout food since we pay for her meal plan. We did have to increase her allowance though because she has no income. I expect we'll continue what we're doing until she graduates. I don't see her getting a job making enough money to take over medical co-pays and stuff like that. DH hasn't asked her to pay for her cell phone either. She also buys most of her clothes because she feels bad if I spend too much on her. Her savings is dwindling fast though. She wants to work full-time during the summer to build it back up because she doesn't know if she wants to work next year. School is taking up a great deal of her time. I'd rather she not work during the school year.

[cjzimmer1]

Here's a scenario (not real, it's hypothetical):

 

You have a YA college graduate working a minimum wage job. You pay the health insurance premium so the YA is covered. YA goes to the doctor and receives the EOB and the bill for the co-pay or uncovered portion. Do you expect the YA to send you the EOB and the bill? Do you expect the YA to just pay the bill? Does the YA call and say "Can you send me $50.00 to cover my co-pay?" without you ever seeing the EOB or the bill?

 

Generally speaking I would expect the EOB and bill would be sent to you not the YA since you would be considered the guanranteer (for lack of a better word) of the insurance..  Now some places would expect the co-pay upfront and yes I would expect the YA to pay for it.  If it wasn't collected at the visit, then I'd be asking for YA for it when the bill came due. 

 

But since you said YA is only making minimum wage so depending on what minimum wage actually is in your area and what other expenses your YA adult is paying for and whether or not they are in this position by choice (didn't want to work hard enough to find a better job) or necessity (it was the only job they could find but are trying to do better) would definitely factor into what I asked of them.

 

Only you know the exact details but things I would consider, is the YA doing their best to transition to adulthood and the responsibilities that come with it or do they generally focus on fun first (money and time) and then are scrambling when real life intervenes?  I'm more inclined to help a child who is trying but hasn't arrived than help the kid who doesn't care all that much or worse yet expects the hand out.  Can I afford to help or would it be a hardship to the rest of the family (I've got of lot of kids still at home so I have to carefully consider what I do for oldest so that what I offer is sustainable for the others as well)?

 

Unfortunately it's not a cut and dried decision.

[Anne]

I kept mine on my health insurance until they had their own - I considered that to be protection for me, really.  Because if something happened, there's no way I'd be standing at their bedside saying, gee, I'm sorry you're going to die because you can't afford medical treatment!  I'd bankrupt myself before I'd let that happen - so, health insurance for them was really protection for me.   :lol:

 

Cell phone service was actually the last thing I stopped paying for - again, there was a certain amount of self-interest here b/c I wanted to be able to hear from them and I wanted them to be able to function.

 

Mine were working hard and trying their best, which definitely influenced my attitude and actions.

 

Anne

[The Girls' Mom]

There are far too many factors to throw out an age.  I *hope* that dd20 will be able to pay for most of those things herself within the next year or two, as she becomes employed.  She will be welcome to stay on our insurance until 26, unless she snags a job that has a better option.  I figure we will pay for the premiums, as it isn't any more for her to be on it than off.  

After she graduates this spring, we do expect her to find a second job (she works part time at a job she isn't willing to give up) and pay for her own car insurance, medical bills, medications, cell phone, etc.  However, she will be living at home for the foreseeable future, saving up a nest egg/house down payment.  I figure in this economy, any help we can reasonably give her, we will.  It isn't like it was when I was her age, when dh and I could live off of $10 a week for food, and barter for rent.  

 

 

[Guest]

..

Edited January 18, 2017 by Heigh Ho

[TammyS]

Our 18ds is cross country in school with no car.  When he starts driving (this summer) he will have to pay his portion of the car insurance.  He is on our insurance, but we would expect him to pay the co-pay.  He pays for his travel back and forth to school and for anything else that he asks to have sent to him.  We all have Republic Wireless phones, so it's only $10/mth per line, which we are currently paying for, but he's going to start paying his own when he gets home this summer.

 

Basically, we expect him to pay for everything that he can.  And we expect that he does not live a lifestyle which he has not actually attained.  That means that entertainment spending is expected to be minimal.   DH and I will be talking before DS comes home for the summer about whether he should pay rent this summer or not.  It will depend on how much money we can expect him to make and what he will need for school. Either we'll skip the rent, or he'll pay something as a percentage of income (which we'll use to pay his student loans, or just set aside for further school expenses). 

 

We believe in HELPING young adults, but we also believe that every unnecessary help is a hindrance, and don't want him to ever feel like he is richer than he actually is because we are paying his living expenses (I'm sure you've seen what I'm talking about, young people living at home blowing all of their money on video games and fast food, because they don't actually have to support themselves).

[Granny_Weatherwax]

 

<snip>

Only you know the exact details but things I would consider, is the YA doing their best to transition to adulthood and the responsibilities that come with it or do they generally focus on fun first (money and time) and then are scrambling when real life intervenes?  I'm more inclined to help a child who is trying but hasn't arrived than help the kid who doesn't care all that much or worse yet expects the hand out.  Can I afford to help or would it be a hardship to the rest of the family (I've got of lot of kids still at home so I have to carefully consider what I do for oldest so that what I offer is sustainable for the others as well)?

 

Unfortunately it's not a cut and dried decision.

That's why I put up a hypothetical situation. Details (like the minimum wage) don't really matter because it is based on personal interpretation.

 

I used minimum wage as a baseline scenario but would the situation be different if the YA were making $15 an hour, which is mininum wage in some areas but not in others? What if the YA earned $22,000 a year?

Can you (general you not you, Cjzimmer1) see yourself still paying for a YA closer to 30 than 20?

[Granny_Weatherwax]

<snip>

 

We believe in HELPING young adults, but we also believe that every unnecessary help is a hindrance, and don't want him to ever feel like he is richer than he actually is because we are paying his living expenses (I'm sure you've seen what I'm talking about, young people living at home blowing all of their money on video games and fast food, because they don't actually have to support themselves).

Yes, I have seen that and it's one of the reasons for my initial question. We know young adults (employed FT, college graduates) whose parents provide assistance on the things mentioned in the OP and then the YAs are taking trips to FL or Mexico, driving new cars, dining out frequently, in other words, maintaining a lifestyle they would not be able to maintain if they paid for things like health insurance, deductibles, etc.

 

We also know families who stop any financial assistance at high school graduation. It's such a personal decision.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited January 19, 2017 by .qp_

[Anne]

Quote:  Can you (general you not you, Cjzimmer1) see yourself still paying for a YA closer to 30 than 20?

 

Knee-jerk response:  No.

 

Thoughtful response:  Maybe.

 

Is my YA trying hard?  What has led him or her to not be self-supporting in his late 20's?  I can imagine circumstances in which I would help...  I'm certainly not going to allow a child of mine to wind up on the streets if she or he is trying hard to make things work!   I could see my help coming with strings, however.  I probably wouldn't be forking over rent money, but would allow child to live at home in exchange for work around the house.  Or something....  I am very thankful that I am not dealing with this in reality!

 

Anne

[Wheres Toto]

Dd is on her father's insurance.  She's been paying her own co-pays and prescriptions for a couple years now, before that I did because I was always the one taking her to appointments despite it being his insurance.  I'm not sure when we switched, I guess when I stopped taking her to the doctor and she started going herself.

 

She doesn't currently have a job but she pays her student loans, her car insurance, car maintenance (although we bought her the car in high school we signed it over to her on graduation from college), all personal items, etc.  She lives with my mother but she would also be welcome to live here.  There's just more room at my mothers and she doesn't pay rent.  She's on our cell phone plan but pays for her portion of the bill.

[regentrude]

I used minimum wage as a baseline scenario but would the situation be different if the YA were making $15 an hour, which is mininum wage in some areas but not in others? What if the YA earned $22,000 a year?

Can you (general you not you, Cjzimmer1) see yourself still paying for a YA closer to 30 than 20?

 

If the YA earned 22k and lived in a LCOL area, had a small rent payment, no loans, can pay rent and food and transportation and have money for discretionary spending or saving left over, they would be able to take care of this by themselves.

If the YA with the 22k income lived in a HCOL area, struggled to pay rent and eat and barely made ends meet, I would gladly help if I am able - irrespective of age.

 

ETA: I can see a number of circumstances in which I would help out even a "kid" in their late twenties. Loss of job, change of educational path, illness or disability, mental illness, unplanned pregnancy, very low paying job with potential for further advancement.

If I see the young adult is working hard to improve their situation, or is for some reason unable to do so, I will help as I am able to.

No, bumming around "finding yourself" does not count. But I have no reason to believe my kids would be content doing that.

Edited January 16, 2017 by regentrude

[bettyandbob]

My DC aren't out of college. My 22 yo is graduating in spring. I expect we will cover both my older DC to age 26 on our insurance plan. For a young adult who is working full-time I would expect he will cover his own copays. For a young adult in school or other training program which is working toward a future goal, I suspect we will assist with copays.

 

I guess we need to have an open discussion about this. In our house, without specific rule setting, my oldest has a tendency to tell his dad to pay for stuff--ges getting better about this, but the entitlement behavior really irks me. My dh wants to just give any of our DC anything, do that doesn't help. Meanwhile, DD will not ask for help with anything. She pays for stuff I had every intention of covering for her. I expect her to be financially independent sooner even though she is younger. She doesn't ask me for copays now, even though she is 19 and a full-time student.

 

I expect both my older kids to attend graduate school, DS is applying now. DD will probably take time off between college and grad school. We will help her the best we can when she goes back.

[Caroline]

I am with regentrude on all of this. (As an almost 50 year old, I could call my dad and he would help me out if I needed it. I have never done that, but my sisters and I know he has money set aside to help us if needed.) My oldest has a credit card that we pay off. He is still in college and we cover all of his expenses. He will graduate in May. I don't know what he will be doing next, but we aren't going to drop him like a hot potato. We will help him as he needs it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'd pay for all of that, but would require help or payment of car insurance.  That's if I could.  Obviously it's not REQUIRED, but I'd want to if I could.  I'll always help my kids.

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

 

..

Edited January 18, 2017 by Heigh Ho

[mamakelly]

Our deal is that while they are in college or some sort of trade school, that we pay for cell phone, health insurance and car insurance. They can live in our home rent free as long as they follow our rules, which are fairly minimal. They pay for everything else. Our oldest son has bought his own car, computer, clothes shoes toiletries etc. once they graduate from trade school or college, they're out on their own. We will probably keep him on our health insurance because it doesn't cost anymore. But within six months of graduation he's out, and responsible for himself.

[SKL]

I don't see myself having a set rule.  I think it depends on what the young person is capable of, and what I'm able to do, and how I see the long term effects of various alternatives.

 

My parents have 6 kids, and the answer would be different for each of us.  I paid for my own job physical when I was 18/19.  I'm not even sure I consulted with my mom about it, to ask if it were covered by their insurance.  Maybe it would have been.  :P  That was the only time I recall going to the doctor between high school and moving out.  I also paid for my own eyes and teeth as needed.

 

My parents kept us on their car insurance and let us drive their cars as long as it made sense, i.e., into young adulthood.  When we bought our own cars after leaving the nest, we were on our own for that.  That said, my mom did require us to contribute "room & board" when we had a job or a student loan balance after paying tuition & books.  I'm sure some of that went toward car insurance.

 

It's too early to say what I'll do with my kids.  Economically, it will probably make sense to let them live at home and save their money until they get established.  I could see putting them in charge of their own transportation costs other than sharing my car.  Health insurance will depend on what's available at that time.  In my case, I pay 100% and I would be able to compute the difference between the cost of single and single-with-kids.  I could see having them pay that difference if they have the ability.

[The Girls' Mom]

Yes, I have seen that and it's one of the reasons for my initial question. We know young adults (employed FT, college graduates) whose parents provide assistance on the things mentioned in the OP and then the YAs are taking trips to FL or Mexico, driving new cars, dining out frequently, in other words, maintaining a lifestyle they would not be able to maintain if they paid for things like health insurance, deductibles, etc.

 

We also know families who stop any financial assistance at high school graduation. It's such a personal decision.

WE don't even do those things, so I sure wouldn't be supporting a YA that was able to do them..lol.  Yeah, at that point, the help would stop.  Actually, the financial help will stop as soon as they are able to pay for rent, car, healthcare, and food.  They will always have the option of living with us, however, as long as they are working and paying their own costs.  

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I can't figure out exactly what you're asking.  You just want to know about a cutoff age for helping out kids past college age?  Or grown kids with low-paying jobs?  Or something else??     :confused1:  

Neither can I. :D

 

I guess it's all tied together. There are so many variables and it seems as if everyone has a different set of criteria. Initially, I was thinking about YA up through college graduation but then other posters began mentioning financial stability, etc and the question morphed to include other things. In some areas, it is nearly impossible for YAs to earn a decent wage for years, so would parents of those YAs continue to help? If there isn't an age cutoff, is there an income cutoff?

[RioSamba]

We will help so long as we are helping not hindering. There are too many variables to make a hard and fast rule, or to say I will pay for x but not y.

 

Health care is a separate consideration. Even if a YA child can't afford coverage due to bad choices, I'm still paying.

[Guest]

My son is living at home, working 40 hours a week for a meager stipend because the project he is on is a software startup, which has a potential for coming to nothing...or to something big.  We are happy to have him here for that situation.  We pay for car insurance (much cheaper than if he were to do so), and cell phone.  He pays for his food, gas, clothes.  

 

However, he is making noises about getting an apartment with a buddy, which I think would be a good thing for him.  And I want his room.  :0)

 

Both guys are pretty sensible about what this will take.  To do this, he will have to get a bigger stipend from the startup funds.  I will be happy to continue to pay his phone (it adds about $30 a month to our bill; we have my sister on our plan for the same reason--cheaper by the dozen, but she reimburses us).  He will have to pick up the car insurance and tabs as he will live at a different address.  His startup is looking into job-paid health insurance, and I would be happy to front him the cash we will save if he goes on that plan.  He also can pick up a few hundred dollars extra a month by working on some side projects that come in to their business.  So he should do that.  I had to work side jobs during college and in my first 3 years of teaching, and during grad school, so I know that this sort of activity does not cause death.  :0/ 

 

Anything else, like sudden car repairs or things like that, I'm going to structure as a long-term loan and when he gets his payout, he can pay us back. I don't know how to set a time limit on this arrangement, though--I don't know when the product will ship/go public/be sold.  

 

Thing is, he's *seeking* independence, so I have a better feeling about it than if he were just settling in and making a cozier nest here at home.  THAT would tick me off.  

[Noreen Claire]

DS21 didn't go off to college; rather, he works near-full time at the state minimum wage of $11/hr. He is still eligible to be on our health insurance through the Affordable Care Act (and will still be after it is repealed, because we live in MA). This does not raise our yearly premiums, as we have a family plan that covers all five children. He does pay his own co-pays and covers his portion of the deductible.

 

DS pays us rent ($200/month). He pays his own cell phone bill. He finally got his driver's license in November, and is now on our car insurance; he pays his own portion of the premium. He purchased his own car a few weeks ago and knows that he will be expected to pay for its upkeep and gasoline.

 

He is working towards being self-sufficient and on his own by the time he would have graduated from college, in about 18 months.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited January 19, 2017 by .qp_

[bettyandbob]

I don't think I would have an official cutoff. If young adult needs support, I'd look for opportunities for young adult to gradually take over expenses and become self sufficient. That is going to look different for each family each young adult within the family.

 

While I was providing significant support I'd be very disappointed if young adult chose to spend large sums on vacations and luxury items. That would be a sign to me he had the opportunity to take on more financial responsibility and I'd set new requirements. I wouldn't say no vacations however. Getting on a plane and then staying with friends could be reasonable. Each family will have to make their own evaluation of the circumstances.

 

Wisdom teeth has not been an issue in my house, but I think I will step up and pay major dental costs as long as I can .

[PollyOR]

DH and I haven't discussed it.  We seem to be taking each kid individually.  

• When the oldest (now 30) married, we stopped contributing financially.   
• 21yo is attending college. We pay for everything.  Her teenage years were rough and she still gets sick easily.  There is no way she can work and go to school at the same time.
• 18yo works as a CNA.  We have not asked her for any money.  She is saving at least 65% of her pay for school.  She is buying her own clothes and fast food. A year ago she was suicidal and not eating much.  Right now she is trying to return to "normal."  I don't want to add extra stress by demanding payment.

 

[FaithManor]

Our ideals are similar to Regentrude's. We are helping with college now and will keep them on our insurance until 26 or marriage. We would want them to be insured after that so would look at the aituation on a case by case basis in terms of need and ability to help.

 

It hasn't been an issue here. Our kids are not averse to work and apply themselves to their educations as well. When dd had to get pregnant or potentially nevet be able to have children due to extremely awful endometriosis, conceived, ended up on bedrest leaving her paramedic job earlier than expected which meant that she and her hubby couldn't get their deductible from her last surgery paid off before baby came, we gladly paid the balance that was left to alleviate that payment for them. They had never intended on having children so soon into their marriage, always planning on paying down his student loans and saving some for retirement and an emergency fund first. But it didn't work out that way. We do not regret it.

 

If we had a child though for whom helping was actully counterproductive then we would rethink it. Thank goodness ao far, so good.

[AK_Mom4]

We have done things all different ways - sorry, possibly not the answer you were looking for, but this is one of those cases where circumstances really do matter.

DS25 - paid for everything himself once he left for college.  I bought the plane ticket to send him off, but he paid for everything himself from then on.  BUT - he was in a college program where EVERYTHING was covered AND they paid him a salary while he was there AND he had health coverage (Tricare I think).  Not your typical college set up.  

 

DD23 - she paid for college and all her living expenses.  We kept her on our health insurance and she paid co-pays using our HSA card.  We paid for plane tickets home for school breaks.  Once she graduated, she got a job that has good insurance as a benefit.  We did co-sign on her apartment because she didn't have any previous rental history (lived in school housing all four years), but she pays rent and everything for herself now that she is employeed and on her own.

 

DS21 - living at home while in college full time.  He is on our health insurance and car insurance (drives our car) and we pay for these.  He uses our HSA card for medical co-pays.  He works and all the money he makes goes to his living expenses (gas, books, eating out, entertainment).

 

DD23 and DS21 are still on our cell phone plans that we pay for, but due to special circumstances, their lines are basically free.  If we had to pay, then both kids would be contributing or would get their own plans.

 

I think it's one of those "it depends" things.  Generally I expect kids to pay for their own stuff when they move out and become independent, but we have exceptions (like the free phone service) where it makes sense to share what we have.

[PollyOR]

Yes, I have seen that and it's one of the reasons for my initial question. We know young adults (employed FT, college graduates) whose parents provide assistance on the things mentioned in the OP and then the YAs are taking trips to FL or Mexico, driving new cars, dining out frequently, in other words, maintaining a lifestyle they would not be able to maintain if they paid for things like health insurance, deductibles, etc.

 

We also know families who stop any financial assistance at high school graduation. It's such a personal decision.

 

I was thinking we would never do this and then ... I remembered we did pay for one of our girls to go to Greece.  She went with a local choir and we didn't feel "used."  I guess it comes down to whether or not we feel we are being "used and abused."  When I know my adult children are trying their best, I'm more willing to help them out.

Edited January 16, 2017 by PollyOR