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Quiet time with elementary kids


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I have 4 boys ages 4-10. We did nap time/quiet time almost religiously until about 2 years ago when my youngest dropped his nap. I really think we need to get back to doing it. I get very little alone time and I really feel like I am a better mom when I have a bit of a break.

 

What are your rules for quiet time? I have been really frustrated because I feel like I have laid out the rules clearly, but then the kids do something crazy that wasn't explicitly stated in the rules. I am pretty sure they know better.

 

Also, how do you make time for it in your day. Now that they are all doing school (not so much the 4yr old but I try to read to him and play a game and do a few little things) it doesn't seem like we have time for a rest.

 

Now to vent a little...we just finished what was supposed to be a 1 hour rest. I planned to take a 20 minute power nap. I told the kids not to wake me up for any reason. Well, my 8yr old decided to put masking tape all over his face and when he took it off he pulled off a tiny bit of eyebrow. So he woke me up to tell me. Why was he putting masking tape on his face during rest time????? Now I am just irritated and we still have a few hours of school to get through. Part of me wonders if it is worth it to rest, because when I don't get to rest I get way too upset about it. And, despite having a productive morning, we still have a bunch to do.

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I usually get my “alone time†for about an hour after we are done with all of our lessons and chores.  This usually starts at 2:30-3:00.  This is the ONLY time during weekdays that the kids are allowed to play with electronic devices or watch TV, so they repay me by playing with them quietly (or at least, relatively calmly).  The kids know that this is my time and only bug me if there is something crazy going on.  I usually take a shower and then a catnap or read a book before its time to reemerge from my room (if I try to get quiet time anywhere else in the house, they bug me) to start dinner.  I also get a little break for 30 minutes during reading time now that all of the kids can read independently, but we do that in the morning and I usually spend it getting ready for upcoming lessons.  For reference, my kids are ages 7, 8, and 10.

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My younger kids are 4 & 5, so a little younger than yours, but...... we just went through a Quiet Time "reset" here myself over the Christmas break. We had never stopped the practice, however, the "quiet" had departed from quiet time. It ended up being "frustration time" instead as I felt all I did was reprimand them or yell at them to "please for the love of all that is holy, BE QUIET." Somewhere around here is a thread I started on it, but I can't find it right now. People had some great (and effective) ideas. I will see if I can find it later and link for you. 

 

Here are our rules. 

 

1. Stay in your room. 

2. Do not talk to each other. Do not talk to me. 

3. If you need me for something vital, come ask me, don't yell for me, but it better be important meaning : fire, illness, intruder, or injury. If that isn't the case I'm adding minutes. 

4. If I see you out of your room I'm adding minutes. 

5. Clean up what you get out at the end of quiet time. 

 

I have their rooms decently child proofed, in that there isn't anything in there I don't want them messing with. That doesn't mean they don't make a spectacular mess, but there aren't scissors, or clays or anything that can cause real issue. That doesn't stop one from sneaking tape- not sure what to do about that aspect, but sounds like typical boys unfortunately. 

 

Anyway, if they cannot play quietly, they have to get in their beds after one warning. It took my husband a few days to get them back to behaving this way while I was recovering from surgery. He's "the heavy", so it worked like a charm and has been great since while saving me the headache. He basically hung out right outside their hallway and that got everyone in line rather quickly. They each have a CD player in their room, with audio books or music of their choice. They're free to turn it off or on. They each have books, puzzles, toys, etc. There's no excuse for them NOT to stay in there. I don't really care what they do as long as they aren't loud or talking to me. They can go to the bathroom without asking, but that's it. No where else and not to play with each other for quiet time. 

 

Those are pretty much the rules. The adding minutes threat has worked quite well I have to say. I would hear the pitter patter of feet and call out "I'm adding minutes! One...two..." and it was almost cartoon like- you could hear the screech of small feet slide across the tile and change direction instantly, followed by the clang of the hallway dog gate as they flew back to their rooms. That solved that problem. :) 

 

Mine are still younger than yours so it is easier for me to make time- we don't have a bunch of subjects to cover and usually do "school" spread over the day. I usually send them to Quiet Time around 1:30-2pm, which is after lunch and play outside (when possibly) and our first half of school when they're usually ready for a bit of a break from me anyway. That's the most important part- they've had their fill of Mom before I send them. They stay back there 1-1.5 hours, depending on what I need to do. I use the time to work with my high schooler, or simply sit in my study (as I am now) and refresh my brain in the silence. After they're done they have a snack, we go through some review of whatever we worked on for the morning for a bit and then we're done for the day. They can go play or what have you. 

 

Anyway, that's what works here. Hope you figure something out. I know how frustrating it is. 

 

 

 

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I cannot find that thread for the life of me. It's one of the disappearing ones. I think it was called "putting the quiet back in quiet time," and had some really good insight from others here. Maybe someone else can find it. I only posted it in November or December so it's not old, but heck if I can get it to pop up in my content or google search! 

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Quiet time is a staple here. It's been a part of our day since my oldest was a napper, though times and places have adjusted as we have added more kids.

 

Each child who does not nap has an old iPod and speaker loaded with audio books from our audible account. They are given an end time to wait for and an audiobook, and they each have things to do in the room where they have quiet time. One has Legos, one has Playmobil, and both have plenty of art supplies and books. Sometimes they choose a special project ahead of time.

 

Our quiet time tends to be between one and a half to two hours. I adjust the timing to coordinate with younger naptimes and usually everyone is quiet at once. It's a non-negotiable in our day aside from unusual circumstances. I simply make it more unpleasant for them to be out of their rooms than in it... this could mean a loss of various privileges, etc. They have learned it's not worth it.

 

Rules include that you do not come out unless bleeding or in an obvious emergency. We have had to clarify what qualifies as an emergency, but they have discovered that it's best to think it through on their own first. They also know that they must be quiet. This includes banging, jumping, and pounding of all sorts. Failure to remain quiet might mean the loss of the audio book, or of other privileges as mentioned above.

 

It has amazed me how much they have embraced quiet time, though they are not always thrilled to be sent to begin. My oldest is an introvert and actually cherishes the time, frequently choosing to stay in the room much longer than required if we have nothing else going on. Even more surprising, my seven-year-old extrovert often will ask me if she has to get up when I call her, because she is in the middle of something on her own. I have found this time to be excellent for their imaginations and also very good for their literacy because of the audio books. I view it as valuable education time, since I'm in charge of the selection of audio books and therefore they only have quality to choose from.

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I combined quiet time with lunch time (this is the only way I could fit it in).  They all would get their lunch and take it to the playroom (in the basement, with a door that closes).  As long as they were quiet and didn't disturb me, they could stay there.  Otherwise, they had to go to their beds and take a rest until it was over.

 

ETA:  I don't know why I wrote that in past tense; it's still our routine for them to grab lunch and go quietly entertain themselves somewhere.

Edited by JudoMom
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Those who send kids to their rooms, does each child have their own room? Wouldn't that be lovely :) I have two per bedroom and the fights over who gets to have quiet time with whom would make me insane.

 

I have no solution for quiet time. I was actually going to post about this today. I have started needing more naps and I really need my kids to be occupied nicely while the toddler sleeps so I can lay down too. Electronic time usually works fine but today my kids were terrors and as soon as I said "be quite I am going to lay down with your brother" they started charging up and down the stairs like elephants, scream-baking like the loudest possible dog, and all kinds ridiculous things. After two warnings they lost electronics for the day but that doesn't solve the problem of me needing to rest.

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We do an hour of screen-free quiet time here.  It has to be screen-free because my kids computers are in my living room and they are NOT QUIET when playing.  They are supposed to be in their rooms reading or doing crafty things or whatever they want as long as it's screen free and quiet.    We've really gotten away from it with the holidays and they constantly come out, ask how much time is left, fight, whistle, whatever.  I end up reminding them that it's supposed to be MY quiet time.  I've told them that if I don't get quiet I will add more time to it and I will add it during their usual computer time.  That usually helps but I wish we could to where the reminders/threats aren't necessary.

 

My kids do have their own rooms.  Sometimes I'll let them hang out together but if they start getting loud, I separate them.  Our house is VERY small so anything above a normal talking voice can be heard everywhere.

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Those who send kids to their rooms, does each child have their own room? Wouldn't that be lovely :) I have two per bedroom and the fights over who gets to have quiet time with whom would make me insane.

 

I have no solution for quiet time. I was actually going to post about this today. I have started needing more naps and I really need my kids to be occupied nicely while the toddler sleeps so I can lay down too. Electronic time usually works fine but today my kids were terrors and as soon as I said "be quite I am going to lay down with your brother" they started charging up and down the stairs like elephants, scream-baking like the loudest possible dog, and all kinds ridiculous things. After two warnings they lost electronics for the day but that doesn't solve the problem of me needing to rest.

 

The room situation has been in flux here actually.  They do technically have their own rooms. However, due to the "fear stage"brought to us courtesy of another child, we currently have them sharing a room at night, as that is the least dramatic way for everyone in the house to get sleep, rather than spend all hours of the night up and reassuring children that no, Joker is not hiding in the closet. So even though they're now together at night, for quiet time though, I usually split them up. The sun is out, the lights are on, they can deal with alone time knowing the other is just a room away- they can deal with the fear in that situation.  They go to their respective rooms until I tell them they can play together.  It's a special treat to spend quiet time together and for that I usually use iPads or else they aren't quiet at all. Then it's just normal time and no one gets a break. 

 

That being said, even if we didn't have extra rooms, I would still find a way to split them up. Perhaps one in their room, one in my room, living room, whatever. However I had to disperse them to get me some sanity found only in silence. I don't care if I end up in a folding chair in a closet because one's in my study or room. I would split them up 95% of the time and find a quiet cubby for myself. I'm a total introvert. I HAVE to have the middle of the day time myself. They aren't late sleepers in the mornings,  and at night I have a husband to catch up with and an occasionally chatty teen around after little kid bedtime. Quiet time allows me to be a homeschooling mom. Were it not for that break, the big yellow bus would be far too tempting I do believe.  :lol:

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1. Stay in your room. 

2. Do not talk to each other. Do not talk to me. 

3. If you need me for something vital, come ask me, don't yell for me, but it better be important meaning : fire, illness, intruder, or injury. If that isn't the case I'm adding minutes. 

4. If I see you out of your room I'm adding minutes. 

5. Clean up what you get out at the end of quiet time. 

 

 

 

LOL I actually heard my own voice while reading these rules. Seconding the adding minutes rule. If you actually follow through on it, it works.

 

Also adding:

 

6. Don't ask me when quiet time in going to be over/how many minutes are left. I will let you know! *threaten to add minutes if they ask*  :lol:

 

My kids are 4 and 9. They have to stay in their room. It's the only time any of us gets a break from each other, so even if they say they want to play together, just say NO. They aren't allowed to watch TV or use any device unless it's strictly for listening to audiobooks. They usually read, listen to audiobooks, dress up, craft, and who knows what else. I don't care as long as they clean up the mess.

 

We try to be done with formal school work before lunch, sometimes finishing up during lunch or for a brief time after (rarely). After quiet time is outdoor free time, so my oldest is especially motivated to finish school work and get an early quiet time, which means more outdoor play time.

 

That being said, I feel like quiet time will be my legacy someday. It's a VERY rare day (even Saturday and Sunday) when we don't have quiet time. My kids actually look forward to it and/or plan what they want to do during that time each day.

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LOL I actually heard my own voice while reading these rules. Seconding the adding minutes rule. If you actually follow through on it, it works.

 

Also adding:

 

6. Don't ask me when quiet time in going to be over/how many minutes are left. I will let you know! *threaten to add minutes if they ask*  :lol:

 

My kids are 4 and 9. They have to stay in their room. It's the only time any of us gets a break from each other, so even if they say they want to play together, just say NO. They aren't allowed to watch TV or use any device unless it's strictly for listening to audiobooks. They usually read, listen to audiobooks, dress up, craft, and who knows what else. I don't care as long as they clean up the mess.

 

We try to be done with formal school work before lunch, sometimes finishing up during lunch or for a brief time after (rarely). After quiet time is outdoor free time, so my oldest is especially motivated to finish school work and get an early quiet time, which means more outdoor play time.

 

That being said, I feel like quiet time will be my legacy someday. It's a VERY rare day (even Saturday and Sunday) when we don't have quiet time. My kids actually look forward to it and/or plan what they want to do during that time each day.

 

AMEN to that!!!

 

I did want to add one more thing (not trying to dominate the thread!). I was given the advice here of when trying to reclaim the quiet time, it might be warranted to sit right outside of the room for a few days, until they are towing the line and acting like you want, rather than trying to get other things done and becoming exasperated. Just write the time off and decide it's what you are going to do for a few days- it's worth it in the end. This was a needed step. My husband was who did it in this case, but it did give us the reset we needed. Immediately addressing it rather than letting it build while I was on the other side of the house trying to do laundry or something, got the habit back in check and has been going much more smoothly since. 

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Quiet time is sacred in this house. It is the rock upon which our sanity is built. We're a house full of introverts though so without an enforced quiet time there is a good chance we wouldn't make it to the end of the day alive...

 

Quiet time, officially, is from 1-3. Unless obssessively engrossed in something the kids almost inevitably put themselves away for their rests by about 12:40. They are allowed books and the use of the kindles (games, more books, netflix etc). Mr. Inquisitive's latest favorite thing is puzzles so he's been doing a lot of puzzles via kindle lately. If they've been consistently good for several days (not coming out frequently or being too loud etc) they're allowed to select a (quiet!) toy or two to take with them. Princess Sassypants still naps but everyone else generally plays quietly. I use the time to do a quick tidy and have just me time.

 

Our basic rules:

 

1. Be quiet. No banging, screaming, or other loud noises.

2. Don't come out for unnecessary things. Necessary things include going to the bathroom, a house fire, or severe bodily injury (I'd better be seeing bone or blood, lol)

3. Don't talk to mom. Don't bug mom. Generally just pretend that mom isn't here. (It's my quiet time too!)

4. You get 2 warnings for breaking the above rules - after the two warnings consequences include: removal of kindle, extra minutes, extra chore after rest time is over, loss of some other privilege (like non kindle screen time)

 

Most days things go smoothly. I :001_wub: quiet time.

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Ok thanks for all the help. I know it is a minor thing, but I just get so irritated when I am bothered during quiet time. I would rather not have it, then have it with interruptions. I really need a break that actually feels like a break.

 

I think tomorrow I am going to more clearly state the expectations. Also, I am going to have my 8yr old come up with a plan for how he will spend his time (like 3 options and he can only do those three things). No more taping faces during quiet time. Or at least don't tell me about it until after the time is up.

 

I may move it later too, since no one is napping anymore. I think we could finish by 2:30 then do quiet time. If my oldest doesn't get done, he could choose to work during quiet time or do it after. My other 3 don't have too much work yet.

 

I am an introvert too and my kids get up early and after they go to bed, Dh wants my attention. It isn't bad, but I need time alone.

Edited by lovinmyboys
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Well, before quiet time, all school is done AND they've spent at least an hour outside (as long as it's not a downpour or really unbearable out). Quiet time can't be an "energy reset" if they are still bursting at the seams.

 

My kids get no choice in what to do. "Read, write, rest, draw" is all they are allowed to do. My kids ALWAYS need permission to use the tablets for anything other than audiobooks, so if anyone tried to that at quiet time, I'd just unplug the router.

 

Fifteen extra minutes for leaving their room for anything other than an emergency.

 

There are no toys except a few favorite stuffies ever allowed in their room, so it's not a problem.

 

My oldest pops a squat on my bed, the middle in his own, and the toddler is with me, wreaking havoc and generally sucking the point of quiet time out of my life lol. But, no matter how the one protests to the contrary, the KIDS benefit from quiet time.

 

They literally don't have the capacity to understand how their constant noise and chatter is something their mother would need a break from, do I don't bother trying to frame it that way. I told them it's a chance for them to let their minds wander, in privacy. And for their bodies to relax.

 

I schedule quiet time to be over one hour before supper. So they have that hour to play before the evening routine sets in.

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Those who send kids to their rooms, does each child have their own room? Wouldn't that be lovely :) I have two per bedroom and the fights over who gets to have quiet time with whom would make me insane.

 

I have no solution for quiet time. I was actually going to post about this today. I have started needing more naps and I really need my kids to be occupied nicely while the toddler sleeps so I can lay down too. Electronic time usually works fine but today my kids were terrors and as soon as I said "be quite I am going to lay down with your brother" they started charging up and down the stairs like elephants, scream-baking like the loudest possible dog, and all kinds ridiculous things. After two warnings they lost electronics for the day but that doesn't solve the problem of me needing to rest.

We have two per bedroom, but they separate for naptime. The 8yo stays in her bedroom, with art supplies and Lego, etc. The 7yo goes to the basement with an art desk I set up there and Playmobil and dress up. The 2yo naps/plays in his crib in the boys' room. The 10mo naps in a playpen in my bedroom.

 

I generally read/nap on the couch in the living room. That said, I'd use the living room for a kid if I had to, and stay in the kitchen. It's worth it to me.

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We have similar rules to everyone else. While the small ones nap, the others have "quiet time" for at least 1.5 hours right now. 

 

1. The only things you can do are sleep or read or listen to an audio book

2. Do not come out of the room unless you finished a book and are getting a new book.

3. Mommy will come get you when it's time to get up, so don't ask how many minutes are left.

 

Occasionally my DS takes his watch and comes out right when the time is up.

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When my oldest was super young we had a digital clock in his room and he could come out of quiet time at 2:00. If we didn't get started at one o'clock, then I would just change the time on his clock so that there was an hour of quiet time. Over the years, even my super -social -needs - other- people -at -all -times -kiddo has grown to enjoy time to himself. It is a rythm to our day. If we are out in the afternoon, we can choose whether to have it or not. My kids are older and used to quiet time, so they respect if some choose to go to their rooms. Audio books and music were helpful for the transition as well as a definite time that it will end.

I am cracking up over the taping faces...sometimes they just have to try. Self haircuts are popular too, so you may want to put the scissors up ( safety scissors cut hair and clothing).

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Since DS turned 4, we've had 90 minutes of quiet time every day except when traveling (sometimes impossible) or when we have visitors from afar (usually QT is early and/or reduced).

 

The rules:

Stay in your room, except to go to the bathroom. (This prevents access to art supplies, electronics, etc. The bedroom has some toys and a large bookcase.) If DS shared a room with a sibling, I'd ask the older one to take whatever s/he needed and go to my room for the duration.

The clock turns yellow at the right time, so don't ask me.

Holler if there's an emergency. (You are bleeding? Emergency. Your toy won't do what you want? Not an emergency.) Otherwise, stay quiet.

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Well, before quiet time, all school is done AND they've spent at least an hour outside (as long as it's not a downpour or really unbearable out). Quiet time can't be an "energy reset" if they are still bursting at the seams.

 

 

With lots of boys in the house, I've found that they really need physical activity time. After that, there is a much better chance of a peaceful quiet time.

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