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Aspergers public/homeschool


roanna
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I homeschooled our son until 4th grade and then put him into a private school. He was just diagnosed this last summer with HFA and it has helped us understand his issues.

 

He likes his teacher a lot but really dislikes PE and recess. I have the opportunity to homeschool him for the next at least 2 years. I am just wanting anyone's experience if they have tried both brick school and homeschool with an aspergers child and how it went if you switched back to homeschooling.

 

A small side note: he has had three concussions at school and just got hit again today due to his clumsiness. It's actually starting to worry me.

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Well it sounds like he'd like to change, so that would make it easier. To me the hardest part is the sheer entropy, the amount of energy and vavoom it takes to keep things going on plan with my ds.

 

I'd just like to connect the dots with his dislike of recess/PE and his getting hurt by being "clumsy" and suggest you get him eval'ed by both a developmental optometrist *and* by an OT/PT who specializes in retained reflexes, etc. He's probably got some physical stuff going on there.

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I'd definitely be concerned about those concussions and would want to minimize the risk for any more.

 

We knew when DS18 was a toddler something was going on. He was diagnosed with speech, sensory and fine motor issues and received therapy for those. He was very academically advanced. He attended public school in kindergarten and first grade and then we pulled both of our boys out to homeschool purely for academic reasons. They both very much wanted to try homeschooling (we wouldn't have done it if they hadn't been fully on board with the plan). DS18 was very challenging as an infant/toddler, but once he hit about five he became our super easy to get along with kid. Homeschooling him was much easier and had fewer challenges and stress for me than I had with his NT but more intense personality older brother. DS18 sometimes tried to skirt by with writing and to get through the actual book work as quickly as possible, but he was super intellectually curious and went down many rabbit trails on his own. Just a few months ago we had him formally diagnosed and the labels are ASD-1, GAD and NVLD. Also gifted. He's 2e through and through. But despite the stereotype of many of these kids being so challenging and hard to deal with DS18 has, thankfully, not been like that since his preschool days. Even his teen years have been very easy.

 

Good luck!

Edited by Pawz4me
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Well it sounds like he'd like to change, so that would make it easier. To me the hardest part is the sheer entropy, the amount of energy and vavoom it takes to keep things going on plan with my ds. 

 

I'd just like to connect the dots with his dislike of recess/PE and his getting hurt by being "clumsy" and suggest you get him eval'ed by both a developmental optometrist *and* by an OT/PT who specializes in retained reflexes, etc. He's probably got some physical stuff going on there.

 

The energy thing will vary from family to family, but it can really be a big deal.

 

On the clumsiness, I totally agree with OhE's recommendation. It's going to be an issue going forward even if you pull him from school. If those are the big hurdles at school, they may be willing to accommodate if they have some recommendations from a professional. 

 

I am also wondering what happens if he likes homeschooling for two years, and then you send him back. It could be awesome, or it could be awful and destabilizing. 

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My son's biggest issues in school were that he is 2e, and the teachers wanted to be final arbiter on what he was getting and what he was not. It was a private school that was accepting, but they were LOCKSTEP about curriculum. He had to do what everyone did, even if he knew it or didn't know it (and no matter how that showed up, even if the data was really not what they thought it was). He was also undiagnosed, so talking about things made us the helicopter parents vs. proactive.

 

It would be different if we did it again with a diagnosis and more information on our plate (not to mention an IEP also).

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Thank you for the replies.  After seeing the doctor for another fall today to make sure his arm wasn't broken we received a referral for an OT.

 

We have until April to make the homeschool decision so I'll keep pondering the positives and negatives.  As for curriculum, they will not give way on that 

either.  He is able to complete everything, but consistently has notes on his papers to write neater.  It's a bit overload with worksheets but he's able to get them done, just not as nice

as they would like. 

 

Thank you.

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I agree that there is likely an underlying cause for his clumsiness, especially now that you mention the messy handwriting. It could be dysgraphia and/or dyspraxia. DS12 has both of those in his list of diagnoses. When he was working with OT, we found that he has problems with proprioception as well as vestibular issues.

 

Does your son also get lost easily? Could he have a visual spatial disability?

 

How extensive was the report that you received when he was diagnosed with HFA? You might find some clues in the testing that was already completed.

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I don't know how thorough the report was. He is very high functioning they said,so the main issues they mentioned were some anxiety and social issues. His school helped with the social issues by allowing him to clean tables in the cafeteria for the 25 minute recess instead of wandering around without friends. He still has two 15 minute recesses but he doesn't complain about the short ones.

 

He does not get lost. He's quite good with directions. Just bumps into door knobs, trips easily, doesnt pay attention to objects that may hit him etc. The OT office called to set up an appt with him for next week so maybe they will have more insight.

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I'm sorry about the recess situation. That's sad that the school's solution was to give him a chore. Even if he prefers that, it's still sad.

 

To truly help with the social situation, he should get social skills training with a speech language pathologist. If he were enrolled in a public school with an IEP, he would likely get that help from the school. My son has social skills therapy at his private school, but we chose a school that was willing to serve an IEP; many private schools do not.

 

Since you are considering homeschooling, I would consider private social skills therapy. Your insurance may cover it. Or since he has an autism diagnosis, he may be eligible for services offered through your insurance, your state, or your county disability services. Sometimes local public schools will offer services with the school's SLP to homeschoolers if the student qualifies for it, but it depends upon the school, so you would need to check.

 

To great extent, social skills impact employability, so it's something to prioritize.

 

I feel badly that your son has not made friends at school. I had trouble making friends at that age myself, so I know how it feels :grouphug: .

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The chore idea wasn't a sad thing really, it was a group decision with him being the final decider. He loves to do work for people. When we homeschooled every Thursday we would volunteer to clean or help at church. He loved taking down decorations, cleaning closets. He gets a lot of self confidence that way so that was why we chose that solution.

 

He has some friends at school but mainly in class, once free time comes is the problem. Kids cheating at 4 square, his best friend plays football at recess so basically he said all that's left is the swing. The principal so noticed him walking around by himself.

 

I agree on the social skills, we've been on the waitlist for 6 months. We live in a small town. I think all in all, things are OK, we're not in crisis mode , just weighing what might be better for him.

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I hope you get into the social skills thing soon. That's a long wait!

 

I really didn't mean that the recess solution was sad for him. I'm glad that it is working for him. I meant it made me feel sad. Sad that doing chores is a happier choice for him than playing with peers. Sad that he is isolated. Sad that the school can't figure out a better way to integrate him with his peers.

 

I think I mentioned this before, but I was lonely as a child, so situations like his bring back some old feelings in me. I'm glad that your son is pleased to be a good helper. That's a great characteristic!

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Back to your original question -- we started out homeschooling and switched to enrollment in a private Christian school that has an intervention program. While things haven't been perfect, and we've sometimes questioned how things are going, we feel content that all of our kids are currently in good school placements (my four kids are in three different schools).

 

DS12 does not have Asperger's but has NVLD, which presents some similar challenges. Plus he has significant learning disabilities and holes in his social understanding. And some additional diagnoses. School is hard, but he is happy. Homeschooling was hard, and I was unhappy (not merely due to his issues; it's complicated). For now, for our family, the answer is that school is better. That may not always be the case.

 

Some moms on the board have switched from homeschooling to school and back to homeschooling, but they may not be reading your thread if their children don't have Asperger's (due to your title). If you'd like some responses about the school issues more generally, you might start another thread or amend your thread title to draw their attention.

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For now I'm leaning to keeping him in his school. There is a lot of structure there and he likes that. He is also playing the violin and is in plays.

 

He just told me something cute today...His teacher is going to be out for 3 days next week and he said nearly everyone is excited about this and I don't understand why. He loves the very strict teacher so much but can't figure out why everyone else doesn't.

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The chore idea wasn't a sad thing really, it was a group decision with him being the final decider. He loves to do work for people. When we homeschooled every Thursday we would volunteer to clean or help at church. He loved taking down decorations, cleaning closets. He gets a lot of self confidence that way so that was why we chose that solution.

 

He has some friends at school but mainly in class, once free time comes is the problem. Kids cheating at 4 square, his best friend plays football at recess so basically he said all that's left is the swing. The principal so noticed him walking around by himself.

 

I agree on the social skills, we've been on the waitlist for 6 months. We live in a small town. I think all in all, things are OK, we're not in crisis mode , just weighing what might be better for him.

 

My son had a little bit of this in school, but he had some friends that were genuine as well. Part of it is that he was in afternoon K, which was very small, so he made friends there. Then in first grade, the very structured teacher (a good fit for him, just not for me, lol!) actively fostered very, very good social relationships in her class, on the playground, etc. Thirdly, the school counselor was very proactive about social things too. She helped prevent a lot of social strife, spoke in classes about bullying, set up opportunities for kids to find ways to be kind, etc. One year, my son came home with a piece of paper that had something good about him written on it from every child in class. Each child in the class got a paper like it--it had been a class activity where they all wrote something nice about each person in the class. 

 

Anyway, I would try to use your son's interest in being a helper as a bridge to more social interaction if you can. My son is very much a helper sort, and he loves hard work. There may be ways that the school could set up (and supervise) other volunteer activities where a child or two work together so that it isn't just your son doing this. It would benefit the other kids as well. (I'm thinking about schools in Japan where the kids clean the classrooms, or Montessori schools that do similar things.)

 

I am glad your son has something that makes him feel a part of things. These kinds of activities have been amazingly good for my son in the long-run, but it did take being a bit proactive about using jobs as a bridge to other people. Actually, I know some other kids with different SN that also like to take responsibility for things like this. Their confidence soars, and they get very interested in new things if it's presented as a worthy task. I think that work is very meaningful to some types of kids, and we should encourage that (more Montessori thinking there).

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