displace Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 BP can be high from preeclampsia for a while. Maybe it's starting to normalize now (but not consistently), and might be time to wean off the BP meds. (Hugs). "Small" issues are all relative. One minute at a time. One problem at a time. Or even just a pause in time to catch your breath. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 You're sweet -- thank you! Unfortunately, it's been a stressful day and a stressful week. Just a lot of small issues that are annoying but not a big deal, unless they're on top of other stresses like grief. I was having some dizziness last week in the morning hours after taking my BP meds, so I started checking it again, and it was running on the low end of normal. Then the last couple of days, it's been running high normal. I'm calling the MFM tomorrow That is confusing! I hope you get it ironed out so it's not swinging so much :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 You're sweet -- thank you! Unfortunately, it's been a stressful day and a stressful week. Just a lot of small issues that are annoying but not a big deal, unless they're on top of other stresses like grief. I was having some dizziness last week in the morning hours after taking my BP meds, so I started checking it again, and it was running on the low end of normal. Then the last couple of days, it's been running high normal. I'm calling the MFM tomorrow :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Still thinking of you and your family. I'm sorry it has been such a stressful week. I hope your BP stabilizes. Best wishes to all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 So so. The last couple of days I've cried a little but not had overwhelming sobbing. I just feel kind of numb and confused. None of it makes any sense to me. 3yo last night said he wanted to go see Baby Nate. That made me cry a bit. He was SO excited to be a big brother, and I'm so upset for him. Then this morning he said that he loves the new baby. I reminded him gently that the new baby is in Heaven with Jesus. He said, "But me STILL LOVE him!" He still refers to himself as a big brother in the present tense. He would have been such a good big brother. happypamama, I thought of you and your son this morning as I was reading Scripture. I hope that this comforts and encourages you and your 3yo. As Joseph's brothers were (unknowingly) meeting Joseph in Egypt, Joseph asked about their family. Their answer: Genesis 42:32 -- We be twelve brethren, sons of our father; one is not, and the youngest is this day with our father in the land of Canaan. Even many years after the family lost Joseph, they are still including him in their number. I think that it is perfectly fine for your 3yo to do the same. Many hugs to you and your family. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) happypamama, I thought of you and your son this morning as I was reading Scripture. I hope that this comforts and encourages you and your 3yo. As Joseph's brothers were (unknowingly) meeting Joseph in Egypt, Joseph asked about their family. Their answer: Genesis 42:32 -- We be twelve brethren, sons of our father; one is not, and the youngest is this day with our father in the land of Canaan. Even many years after the family lost Joseph, they are still including him in their number. I think that it is perfectly fine for your 3yo to do the same. Many hugs to you and your family. This made me cry happy tears -- thank you! Yes. This is perfect. They don't say "Joseph was;" they say he "is not." If God included this account in Scripture, it has to be okay for Mr. 3 to count Nathaniel as a brother in the present tense also. (He still prays at many meals for Jesus to make Nate better, same as he prays for Daddy's back to get better. We are working in encouraging him to say thank you that Baby Nate IS better, but that's okay.). I will never see this Scripture the same way again. :) Edited January 26, 2017 by happypamama 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 thinking of you today. hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Praying for you!! I am so sorry for the blood pressure issues. Stress does really crazy things to the body and there is no doubt you are under stress. Hopefully that is "all" that it is and nothing new. Praying for you to sleep well despite all that is pressing in on you right now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 You may want to take the blood pressure medication at bedtime instead of in the morning. That is what I do so that it decreases the risk of falling. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 You may want to take the blood pressure medication at bedtime instead of in the morning. That is what I do so that it decreases the risk of falling. Right now, I take a tablet at bedtime and one in the morning. It was decent this morning but not spectacular. Then after my meds, the top number actually was higher by a few points, although still decent. The bottom number didn't change at all. I should call them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Thinking of you today and hope your BP is excellent. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 Thinking of you today and hope your BP is excellent. Thank you. It is okay today. It's not solidly in normal, but I did talk to an MFM nurse, who says it is not worrisome. I expect someone will put me on a longer term BP med, and that's okay. I'm just glad to know that I'm unlikely to be imminently about to have a stroke or organ failure! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Thinking of you all this weekend. Hope your BP is good and you're having a peaceful day. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I not always posting on this thread but you have frequently been on my mind. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsintheGarden Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Still thinking of you and your family, happypamamma. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 This made me cry happy tears -- thank you! Yes. This is perfect. They don't say "Joseph was;" they say he "is not." If God included this account in Scripture, it has to be okay for Mr. 3 to count Nathaniel as a brother in the present tense also. (He still prays at many meals for Jesus to make Nate better, same as he prays for Daddy's back to get better. We are working in encouraging him to say thank you that Baby Nate IS better, but that's okay.). I will never see this Scripture the same way again. :) We lost my baby nephew about 5 years ago (crazy how long it's been so quickly). His parents have pictures everywhere, his younger brothers know his name and face (from the pictures and all the stories), we have a few rituals we do with our own kids to remember their cousin, they have many, many rituals they do with their family, and we absolutely count him. I have five nephews, not four. My mother has eight grandsons, not seven. Sometimes, when we do family pictures, someone holds his photo. He'll always be part of our family. Hugs to your little big brother! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 We lost my baby nephew about 5 years ago (crazy how long it's been so quickly). His parents have pictures everywhere, his younger brothers know his name and face (from the pictures and all the stories), we have a few rituals we do with our own kids to remember their cousin, they have many, many rituals they do with their family, and we absolutely count him. I have five nephews, not four. My mother has eight grandsons, not seven. Sometimes, when we do family pictures, someone holds his photo. He'll always be part of our family. Hugs to your little big brother! I'm sorry you know that loss. Unfortunately, I know it as an aunt as well; my brother and his wife had a nearly fullterm stillbirth a decade ago. My parents are the kind who love children and were as thrilled about grandbaby twelve as they were about grandbaby one; I am so sorry they are going through this again. Thank you for remembering your nephew; I'm sure it means a lot to your family. Today makes twenty days since Nathaniel died, which is significant to me because that's as long as we had him. And then tomorrow he will have been gone longer than we had him on the outside, and then every day after that, it'll be even longer. But we will still love him because he will always be our little Nathaniel. I also have my six week checkup this week, and that's always an emotional time for me anyway because I love being pregnant and having that time with my babies, and I hate how quickly time flies after my babies are born. This will be my final visit to the MFM specialists, at least for this pregnancy, the final goodbye to the time in my life that was all about Nate, and I expect that to be hard. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I'll be praying this week for your peace as you move forward with these various milestones of time and appointments. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Sending some strength and hugs to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Thinking of you all this weekend. Hope your BP is good and you're having a peaceful day. The last couple of days have been pretty restful, albeit a little emotional. My BP has bounced around a bit but has generally been around the 120s/80s shortly before taking my meds and anything from around that or higher by a couple of points to 105/79 this morning after my meds. My concern is that it won't be high enough to get someone to treat me longterm. Edited January 31, 2017 by happypamama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Just tell them you have symptoms and that the swings are causing you physical issues. That matters more than the absolute numbers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Just tell them you have symptoms and that the swings are causing you physical issues. That matters more than the absolute numbers. That's what I am hoping they will do. The MFM team wants me to see my regular doctor around this week so she can take over my care, but she's still out on maternity leave, so I can't see her until late March. I did schedule a visit with her PA for this week, and if that isn't satisfactory, I will see the MFM team afterward, and hopefully someone will give me longterm help. My official diagnosis is "chronic hypertension with superimposed preeclampsia," so I am hopeful that that will be enough for someone to take notice and put me on a longer term drug like lisinopril for a while. ("With severe features" was added with the second hospital admission, even though my BP and a smidge high on the protein in my 24 hour urine are the only severe features I actually had. Never had the headache, liver pain, bad liver function, or any swelling. I have read way too much about this stuff in the past few weeks.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Oh man, I ended up with several of those severe symptoms. I'm glad mine came back under control with some time and I couldn't feel the huge blood pressure swings. Some people do - like you. That's important to treat. My swings were barely controlled for a few weeks but they weren't dangerous in and of themselves so since they didn't bother me we didn't adjust meds. If you're passing out, nauseous, etc, it's time to get help for sure. If they try and get you to forget it please be persistent. Symptomatic low blood pressure while climbing stairs or driving a car can be a real danger! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I'm sorry you know that loss. Unfortunately, I know it as an aunt as well; my brother and his wife had a nearly fullterm stillbirth a decade ago. My parents are the kind who love children and were as thrilled about grandbaby twelve as they were about grandbaby one; I am so sorry they are going through this again. Thank you for remembering your nephew; I'm sure it means a lot to your family. Today makes twenty days since Nathaniel died, which is significant to me because that's as long as we had him. And then tomorrow he will have been gone longer than we had him on the outside, and then every day after that, it'll be even longer. But we will still love him because he will always be our little Nathaniel. I also have my six week checkup this week, and that's always an emotional time for me anyway because I love being pregnant and having that time with my babies, and I hate how quickly time flies after my babies are born. This will be my final visit to the MFM specialists, at least for this pregnancy, the final goodbye to the time in my life that was all about Nate, and I expect that to be hard. Many hugs and love on this 20th day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Oh man, I ended up with several of those severe symptoms. I'm glad mine came back under control with some time and I couldn't feel the huge blood pressure swings. Some people do - like you. That's important to treat. My swings were barely controlled for a few weeks but they weren't dangerous in and of themselves so since they didn't bother me we didn't adjust meds. If you're passing out, nauseous, etc, it's time to get help for sure. If they try and get you to forget it please be persistent. Symptomatic low blood pressure while climbing stairs or driving a car can be a real danger!Fortunately or unfortunately, I haven't passed out or felt nauseated or anything. It was just a couple of days where I'd feel a little dizzy when standing up, and only in the first couple of hours after taking the morning lebetalol. Mostly I feel just fine. Even when it's been high (diastolic in the 90s) at bedtime before taking my evening meds, I've felt fine. That's a little frustrating. But I have no trouble with being persistent. After all, my persistence saved my life and Nate's (at least in the short term). I'm also flat out going to tell them that it is very likely that I will get pregnant again in a year or so, and so I want them to be treating me with that in mind so that I have whatever reserves I possibly can have. That will hopefully get them to take me seriously (although my regular doc is good about that anyway). Edited January 31, 2017 by happypamama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Well, the PA did write me a slip for some labs to check liver and kidney function. She is going to keep me on something, not lisinopril but something safer in case I do get pregnant again, and we shall see how it goes from there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Would journaling help you in processing the myriad of emotions that, I can only imagine, surface regularly? It can be good for some people but people process in many different ways. You could keep a journal and record things that also pertain to Nate's siblings. Eventually, it could be a treasured keepsake about the brother they had and lost. Edited January 31, 2017 by Liz CA 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Would journaling help you in processing the myriad of emotions that, I can only imagine, surface regularly? It can be good for some people but people process in many different ways. You could keep a journal and record things that also pertain to Nate's siblings. Eventually, it could be a treasured keepsake about the brother they had and lost. It might. I did write things, both factual and emotional, down in a notebook during his nicu stay. I do need to type out his whole, long saga though. In the keepsake stuff the hospital gave us is a memory book specifically for this situation, so I need to pull that out and work on it. Maybe I'm avoiding it because it'll be hard? More likely I just don't like handwriting things (I type much faster). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Journaling into a note or word doc is definitely not unheard of! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 And doing it in dribs and drabs is fine too. It's about the process, not the finished product, after all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 One journaling tool you might like, Happypamom, is the diary called One Line A Day. It is a five-year journal that has just a small area for recording daily; it is only about one paragraph of space to write. This can be good because you almost always have time for it, and you don't have to explore such a lot of thoughts as you might with a longer journal. It's also interesting because next year, you can see what you were feeling and saying at this time and you can keep revisiting your own thoughts each year as you circle back around to those dates again. I keep a journal like this now for everyday recordation, but I wish I had kept one like this when I lost Lydia. Hope that is helpful to you. You can purchase the journal at Amazon. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 I definitely write in small bits because that's all I have time and energy to do!! LOL! Quill, that journal sounds like it might be good for me. Thanks! Today I got some bloodwork done. I need to hear from the PA, but liver and kidney function appear to be normal. Here's hoping that means that at the very least, the preeclampsia didn't cause any lasting effects to my health. I am relaxing a bit about that now. I also received today the casts they made of Nate's hands and feet. They're so sweet and so tiny! It's hard to remember how small he really was, and yet, a full, functioning (mostly) human being. Pictures don't really give the full effect. I'm so glad they thought to ask if we wanted them to do those. I am sad, devastated, even sometimes confused and angry, but I'm trying really hard to focus on what I did get instead of what I didn't. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Yay on the bloodworm coming back normal! I bet those castings are so precious :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 I will try to take a picture of the hand in mine for y'all. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) I will try to take a picture of the hand in mine for y'all. :) Please do! And did my mail ever make it to you, by the way? I have a deep and abiding fear of mistyping addresses :o Edited February 2, 2017 by Arctic Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Please do! And did my mail ever make it to you, by the way? I have a deep and abiding fear of mistyping addresses :o Oh shoot, I am sorry! My brain is completely toast right now, and I forgot to tell you thank you. Yes, it did make it, and they have been helpful. Thank you very, very much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Oh good. Glad I avoided mail issues and you liked them. I only wish I could have done more! One awful thing about loss is how helpless everyone outside the circle is to really be able to minister or help in any way. But the hive and my family are here for you in any way we can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Six week checkups without the baby are pretty unfun, but at least I am healing well. It was a lot more emotional than I had anticipated to see the hospital come into view. I saw the NP, and one of the doctors I saw in the hospital came in to say hi. My placenta pathology, infection testing, and carrier screen came back as normal, and so unfortunately, the problems seem to be because of the preeclampsia. But they said that just this week, a bunch of new studies have been announced, so hopefully that will lead to fewer cases. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Six week checkups without the baby are pretty unfun, but at least I am healing well. It was a lot more emotional than I had anticipated to see the hospital come into view. I saw the NP, and one of the doctors I saw in the hospital came in to say hi. My placenta pathology, infection testing, and carrier screen came back as normal, and so unfortunately, the problems seem to be because of the preeclampsia. But they said that just this week, a bunch of new studies have been announced, so hopefully that will lead to fewer cases. When your hormones calm down, practice driving past. Practice driving past listening to snarky, then happy music. Dilute the memory to make yourself ready for next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Thinking of you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Still in my thoughts and prayers. :-) What a sweet idea to take hand and foot castings. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 14, 2017 Author Share Posted February 14, 2017 Thank you. It has been a hard month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 Thank you. It has been a hard month. I'm sure that's a major understatement. I think of you and pray for you often, and I wish you enough grace and peace for each new day. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 When your hormones calm down, practice driving past. Practice driving past listening to snarky, then happy music. Dilute the memory to make yourself ready for next time. Yes. And if it doesn't get better, EMDR is worth every penny. The first time I took a child to the hospital after my son's accident, which was over a year and a half later, I only avoided a panic atack in the waiting room because I realized it was coming and took my anxiety medication. Your emotions are normal and completely understandable. Hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Just wanting to say I'm thinking of your DS and your family. I hope you are all ok. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I was thinking of you this morning, too. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Thank you both. We're doing okay. We went back there yesterday to take a thank you to the staff. I arranged it so we could be there when two of his primary nurses were there, and they were thrilled to see us. It was hard to go back up there but good to do so. We really wanted the staff to know how much they meant to us. Health wise, I am doing okay. Between my primary doc and the MFM, I'll be seeing a couple of specialists to make sure there was no lasting damage and that everyone's on the same page for if we want to try again. I "should" be 37 weeks pregnant right now, or spending a lot of time up there caring for my little guy with discharge in sight, and it's really hard not to think about that. This was definitely not the scenario I was anticipating for the spring. Thank you all for thinking of me. :) 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debinindy Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Healing :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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