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Another "Help me understand this kid" thread :)


J-rap
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I've been trying to figure out this "kid" for years!  (No longer a kid though :)).

 

Extremely bright.

 

Both an introvert and an extrovert.  He's great with people.  Carries on great conversations, doesn't focus on himself.  Very funny, loud.  But, he really, really needs time alone too.

 

Seems completely oblivious to how he comes off to people.  Seems to have extreme non-peripheral vision.  (Looks straight ahead toward his goal.)

 

Doesn't appear to understand other peoples' feelings very well at all.  (While at the same time, is at times very sensitive toward certain people, so it's a quandary.)

 

Can be in extremely difficult situations but doesn't see it.  Only focused on the end result.  This is hard to explain without examples, but let's just say it's very strange.  I can give a couple examples though.

 

One day, he was hungry for an apple.  He was traveling, and was told he could have the last remaining apple at the end of the day when travels were done.  (I know, this seems like a weird example...).  During the day, he experienced a situation in Russia where he almost lost his life.  It was a terrible, life-altering event for my dh who was also there.  In the end, when it was over and they were safe, this person was completely unphased.  It had absolutely no emotional effect on him at all.  "Can I have that apple now?" he asked very nonchalantly.  Otherwise, the event had absolutely no impact on him at all.

 

Another example more recently, is when we were discussing Christmas plans with him, which included a lot of special events and people and organizing.  Everyone else involved reacted in a way that was expected:  grateful, excited, etc.  His response:  "That's fine. I'll need to be home early to do my laundry."

 

We are all used to this in him.  It's just...him.  A little like Doc Martin, if you're familiar with that TV series.   :)  Except that this person often comes off as a people person -- very charismatic, chatty with people when needed.  At parties, we'll know there'll always be conversation and fun when he is there.  

 

But there's a HUGE disconnect somewhere, that we've never been able to understand.  He just doesn't react to things normally, at all.  Still, a great guy!  He has never been tested for any psychological disorder, but was diagnosed as exceptionally gifted last year. 

 

 

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There is such a thing as an Extroverted Asperger's Personality.

 

You might look at some websites and see if that fits at all.

 

As for the understanding people's feelings vs. being sensitive, that is also a very Aspie trait.  Not getting what people are feeling is often the thing that people know about Aspies, but there is also a strong sense of social injustice that makes Aspies care and care deeply.  Understanding other's feelings is different than empathy.

 

 

https://seventhvoice.wordpress.com/2013/11/16/new-study-finds-that-individuals-with-aspergers-syndrome-dont-lack-empathy-in-fact-if-anything-they-empathize-too-much/

 

My oldest has Asperger's.  (not the one I started the other thread about.) and this was something we realized is very true for him.  

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The apple event reminds me of ds2 who also doesn't get worked up over much. He says there's no point in getting worked up over things that can't be changed. Sometimes it seems weird. Like "normal" people *should* get worked up. Y'know? But he doesn't. He's so not like the rest of the family that way. :tongue_smilie:

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Sounds very much like my dh.

 

What are you trying to figure out about him?  Sounds like you know him pretty well.

 

Ha -- I don't know exactly!  I guess his reactions still puzzle me.  I feel like if there were some kind of an explanation, I could let it go.  :)

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My thought exactly.  Like the apple example.  He may have been still processing the situation.  Or he may just not react in an outwardly showy sort of way.  Doesn't mean he was not phased.

 

Yes, and there's definitely truth to that.  I know that he's actually quite sensitive about some things.

 

But on the other hand, I do see him acting outwardly when something does affect him.  It's very obvious then. He doesn't hide it.  

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Yes, and there's definitely truth to that.  I know that he's actually quite sensitive about some things.

 

But on the other hand, I do see him acting outwardly when something does affect him.  It's very obvious then. He doesn't hide it.  

 

Although the situation of nearly losing his life is pretty extreme. 

 

I know myself, I tend to react pretty stoic when the shi* REALLY hits the fan.  On the other hand, sometimes I get pretty upset over something relatively small.

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Although the situation of nearly losing his life is pretty extreme. 

 

I know myself, I tend to react pretty stoic when the shi* REALLY hits the fan.  On the other hand, sometimes I get pretty upset over something relatively small.

 

True, and that was kind of an extreme example.  But the main point is that he doesn't seem to react to things in the same way that most people react to.  Like he is so focused on something else that he doesn't seem to notice.  He isn't the type to try and hide his feelings either.  He isn't afraid to show how he feels about things that seem to affect him.  But again, he'll express it when other people wouldn't, because they're too concerned about what other people might think, and he isn't.

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Have you ever read through the personality types according to Myers Briggs?  I found that SO enlightening to so many of my relationships.

 

He might be an ENTJ.  They are pretty rare, but highly focused, and pretty unflappable.  Usually, it takes something inefficient or illogical, or truly hopeless, to upset them.  Being very aware and charismatic is part of their personality, but they aren't that was because of the people, rather, they are driving to an end goal.  When they don't have a goal, the people don't matter so much.  That's not to say that an entj is cold.  Actually, they are often very altruistic, and their end goal is the betterment of society, or just the current environment.  However, it wouldn't be odd for them to say, "Yeah, but I'll have to do my laundry."  Annoying, yes, but his goals aren't yours, and he retains the bigger picture of what he is trying to accomplish.  They do enjoy parties, but often look at like a challenge, rather than fun.  

 

Maybe he's something else, and reading through the personality types will help you to see the finer points of his nature.  

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True, and that was kind of an extreme example.  But the main point is that he doesn't seem to react to things in the same way that most people react to.  Like he is so focused on something else that he doesn't seem to notice.  He isn't the type to try and hide his feelings either.  He isn't afraid to show how he feels about things that seem to affect him.  But again, he'll express it when other people wouldn't, because they're too concerned about what other people might think, and he isn't.

 

My take on this stuff, not a huge problem unless he is unhappy about it or it limits him when it comes to reaching his goals. 

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Have you ever read through the personality types according to Myers Briggs?  I found that SO enlightening to so many of my relationships.

 

He might be an ENTJ.  They are pretty rare, but highly focused, and pretty unflappable.  Usually, it takes something inefficient or illogical, or truly hopeless, to upset them.  Being very aware and charismatic is part of their personality, but they aren't that was because of the people, rather, they are driving to an end goal.  When they don't have a goal, the people don't matter so much.  That's not to say that an entj is cold.  Actually, they are often very altruistic, and their end goal is the betterment of society, or just the current environment.  However, it wouldn't be odd for them to say, "Yeah, but I'll have to do my laundry."  Annoying, yes, but his goals aren't yours, and he retains the bigger picture of what he is trying to accomplish.  They do enjoy parties, but often look at like a challenge, rather than fun.  

 

Maybe he's something else, and reading through the personality types will help you to see the finer points of his nature.  

 

Very interesting...  Actually, I believe he did take the Myers Briggs awhile ago.  I should try and find out what he got.

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