The mental health threads scare me. I have questions?

[lollie010]

I have a family history of depression and anxiety. My oldest son (13) showed signs in the past that he might be heading down that road. Until about 9 or 10 he had a generally melancholy mood with a couple of episodes that left me seriously concerned. There were some really dark moments.

 

But, for the past 3 years or so, he seems like a totally different child. He is generally happy and engaged with family and friends. He completely attributes the changes to physical activity. He has learned that a trigger for him is when soccer season is over. He immediately starts feeling weepy and stressed. His solution was to start a year round soccer training schedule and run cross country during any down time. It works for him. The exercise is crucial. He is well adjusted and delightful.

 

So, right now, I am just trying to figure out how much information to give him about mental health. I don't want to scare him, but I want him to know what he might deal with in the future and that he will need to stay on top of his mental health. I want him to know that if he begins feeling "off", he needs to let us know so we can work together before he ends up in a crisis. I want him to know what a crisis is. Would that type of information even be helpful? My family was a sweep it under the rug family. Seeing the results of that makes me want to go in the opposite direction and maybe give too much information.

 

Any ideas?

Edited December 7, 2016 by lollie010

[maize]

I think it would be hard to give too much information as long as the information is presented in a developmentally appropriate manner.

 

In trying to teach my children to be pro-active about mental health as our family also has a history of mental illness. It is great that your son has learned to seek out phyical activity; you might also look into books that teach skills such as mindfulness, recognizing and challenging unhealthy thought patterns, and maintaining good nutrition.

 

And absolutely make sure he knows what resources are available if he is struggling mentally/emotionally--parents, therapists, doctors, crisis lines...crisis text line is a great one for kids who may be more comfortable texting someone rather than calling about their concerns.

Edited December 7, 2016 by maize

[maize]

My kids are growing up with a dad who has chronic mental health issues; they've experienced some of the dark side of that but they've also seen what working to manage a disease of the brain looks like: medical care, therapy, attention to physical needs such as exercise and diet, etc. They know that mental illness is not a moral failing but a real physical illness and not something to be ashamed of.

Edited December 7, 2016 by maize

[lollie010]

Maize--thank you so much for helping me get the conversation started. I'm so glad I finally asked!

[happi duck]

I just want to say that I think being proactive is great...yay you!!!!

 

I deal with anxiety and looking back I can see that it has always been there but I was accidentally doing the right things. I wish I had someone in my corner to help me realize that dropping certain habits was a *huge* deal.

 

I'm not sure how to describe a crisis. Maybe feeling out of control?

Edited December 7, 2016 by happi duck

[SparklyUnicorn]

I could have written the same exact post.  I am always worried about it.  For a bit I wondered.  But then for at least a year now my kid is happier than ever so I have no worries really.  But then I think...am I just missing something?

 

I have no advice.  Being so close to someone you are sometimes the last to notice stuff!

 

 

[Slartibartfast]

There is a lot of research regarding executive function and exercise/activity

 

http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/activities-guide-enhancing-and-practicing-executive-function-skills-with-children-from-infancy-to-adolescence/

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23229442

[SparklyUnicorn]

either way exercise is not usually a bad thing

 

it won't exactly cure a problem, but it is not going to make it worse

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

You can't make him get mentally ill through the provision of information. So feel free to give him that info!

 

I tend to be a drip feeder of info - over the years my kids have gotten a pretty good picture of the family disposition to anxiety (on one side) and addictive behaviours (on the other). 

 

I do this because I found the sudden reveal of such history to me as a teen to be overwhelming and inappropriate. Other people may have different experiences.

 

No, but I understand her worry.  I've been very open with my kids about it because of family history.  Now my son accuses me of thinking something is wrong with him.  If I gave him that impression it was absolutely not intentional.  So I don't know.  Was it a mistake to be THAT open about it? 

 

And they REALLY have no clue what it's about.  They have never seen my dad in a very bad way (like I have).  I have distanced myself from most of my family so they haven't seen any of this that I talk about. 

 

It's tricky.  I never know how to say stuff or what to say.  I'm trying to be proactive, but what exactly does that mean?  Sometimes I think I should just not say anything unless I have to?!  That doesn't seem quite right either. 

[Lanny]

It sounds like you are already communicating well (in both directions) and that he is aware that  PHYSICAL EXERCISE is great for his mood/mental health, in addition to being good for his Physical Health.  I would continue that, and if necessary, try to help him in any possible way, should that become necessary. Meditation helps and you might suggest that to him.  If you think he has gone over the cliff at some time in the future, then intervention would be required, but if he is coping well he will probably be OK.  One would "go crazy" if they contemplated all of the possible  physical or mental health issues that might strike them, but it is unlikely that any of them will actually strike any one person.  

[Slartibartfast]

FWIW I have anxiety and have had it since I was very little.

 

I did freak out about everything. I would be up at 3 am during a storm and trying to wake people up in the house to, "look at the sky!!" (As I often joke that house did get hit by a huge tornado eventually so I like to say it was prescience rather than anxiety making me irrational :lol:) It was exasperating, I know that.

 

Exercise does help, I do take medication, I have to take a vitamin regimen but exercise also helps.

 

I don't think it would hurt to discuss it, sometimes it can be intrusive thoughts or problems sleeping. It would be easier for him to notice if he knew what to watch out for.

Edited December 8, 2016 by Slartibartfast

[Anne]

If you're at all concerned about how to open the conversation, you could probably present it easily in the context of a Health Class - physical health, emotional health, mental health.....

 

Much better to start these conversations when he's in a good place, I think.  

 

Anne

[lollie010]

Thanks so much for the input, everyone. I know I'll make mistakes but am hopeful that we can begin having some better conversations.

[lollie010]

It's tricky. I never know how to say stuff or what to say. I'm trying to be proactive, but what exactly does that mean? Sometimes I think I should just not say anything unless I have to?! That doesn't seem quite right either.

One thing that has worked for our family is to talk with everyone at once, so that he doesn't feel singled out. So we all discuss. It usually comes up when we pass a house in our community that appears to be occupied by people who are involved in drug related activities. The kids notice and want to know how that comes about in someone's life. He will get quiet and listen, but the talkers ask a thousand questions and a lot of information gets out that way.

[SparklyUnicorn]

One thing that has worked for our family is to talk with everyone at once, so that he doesn't feel singled out.

 

That is usually how I have handled it. 

 

I guess what makes it difficult is that there is no definitive test for mental illness.  It's not like saying XYZ disorder runs in the family and we'll get you tested for it just in case. 

 

I remain very hopeful though because so far neither of my kids have showed major signs.  My parents and sister had major signs when they were kids.  This is not something that developed suddenly when they were adults or young adults.