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Dd (5) is in preschool at a public half day program. We love her teacher and dd has been with her for both prek3 and now prek4. she is a family friend and knows us pretty well. We just had DDs conference and while the teacher said dd is doing excellent and academically doing great, we noticed that dd doesn't show her full potential at school. When I showed her teacher an example of what dd can read (the last book in the Bob book set 5), she was surprised. She knew dd could read some, but didn't know she could read that well. Same with counting. She didn't count nearly as high for the teacher as she does at home. Her teacher thought maybe it's a bit of social anxiety mixed with dd being an introvert. Dd does well with her peers, but does struggle with expressing herself and containing her emotions when something frustrates her. Dd is a bit of a perfectionist as well. I've noticed in the past that dd doesn't do well with being quizzed or evaluated. I chalk it up to being a preschooler and introverted.

 

My concern is only that this may impact her learning next year in K. They're placed based on ability and dd doesn't seem to show her fullest ability.

 

Anyone else have a kiddo that performed below level at school but thrived at home? We can't homeschool right now and plan to send dd to an immersion program if possible for K

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My daughter is like that too. I remember in pre-school she wouldn't raise her hand often to contribute or would flat out say 'I don't know' when she truly did. Throughout pre-school, K & 1st she really didn't speak in class groups until December. Like your child, she is also quiet & prefers 1-on-1 interactions. I'm also conflicted since louder kids typically garner more classroom attention. I just alert the teacher throughout the year of her reserved but VERY deep & wise nature--that's the best pro-active action I can come up with. I cannot (nor desire to) change her personality & prefer positive self-image over advanced academics, if I must make a choice (for this reason I after-school). It seems home-school or super small classes would be the best fit but neither are a current option. So instead I try my best to arm her with ways to self-advocate in public. I'd be interested in hearing what's worked for others though.

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My daughter is like that too. I remember in pre-school she wouldn't raise her hand often to contribute or would flat out say 'I don't know' when she truly did. Throughout pre-school, K & 1st she really didn't speak in class groups until December. Like your child, she is also quiet & prefers 1-on-1 interactions. I'm also conflicted since louder kids typically garner more classroom attention. I just alert the teacher throughout the year of her reserved but VERY deep & wise nature--that's the best pro-active action I can come up with. I cannot (nor desire to) change her personality & prefer positive self-image over advanced academics, if I must make a choice (for this reason I after-school). It seems home-school or super small classes would be the best fit but neither are a current option. So instead I try my best to arm her with ways to self-advocate in public. I'd be interested in hearing what's worked for others though.

I agree. This is the reason we after school and will most likely continue on for a while. Especially if she goes to a language immersion school

 

She does great in playing with groups. She'll lead imaginative play and assign roles. For example, when they're playing house she will organize it and assign family roles to the other kids.

 

Her anxiety seems primarily to deal with performance and communicating strong emotions. She seems to get ahead of herself and needs to be reminded to slow down, take a deep breath, and then use her words.

 

I do plan to keep open communication this year and then throughout K.

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Yes, that was my dd. Part of the reason we brought her home.

 

In retrospect, I wish I'd brought her home AND found a good therapist to deal with the social anxiety.

I'm not fully sure if it is true social anxiety. It seems purely tied to academics. She still performs well (above grade level). She does well being dropped off at school, going to a babysitter, going to Sunday school, etc. She is a little hesitant to join groups of kids, but will do it when you demonstrate how to (ex. Tell her to say "may I play with you" etc.).

 

Did your daughter have other social anxiety issues?

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Forgot to say - the not showing what you can do at school is an avoidant behavior.

 

I may have accidentally reinforced that behavior for my dd by 'rewarding' her by bringing her home.

 

If she/you are otherwise OK with school, I'd recommend not taking her out, and working on the anxiety instead. Look for someone who will do CBT.

She has to be in school until at least first grade. I'm working on my masters and will be doing internship next year. If we send her to the language immersion school I want her there to gain fluency.

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Forgot to say - the not showing what you can do at school is an avoidant behavior.

 

I may have accidentally reinforced that behavior for my dd by 'rewarding' her by bringing her home.

 

If she/you are otherwise OK with school, I'd recommend not taking her out, and working on the anxiety instead. Look for someone who will do CBT.

What is 'CBT'?

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I agree with you that this doesn't sound like social anxiety, since she isn't anxious when playing with peers. Test anxiety is a pretty common problem...I've read about it in the past, and I've seen techniques to help children get through it, although I don't remember them offhand. I'd just try Googling test anxiety, or performance anxiety. I've been doing mindfulness meditation with my DD for quite awhile, and it's definitely helped her (minor) anxiety. Some mindfulness before testing (it's not woo-woo new-agey at all, just relaxing your body and mind and focusing on breath) might help.

 

My DD does have some perfectionist tendencies. (Luckily she's never had to be tested, but it came through at times in normal home school work.) I think kids who are on the bright side tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves, especially if they see their intelligence as an important part of who they are. People are always telling them how smart they are, rewarding them verbally or otherwise for it. And so they don't want to disappoint anyone...I'm sure you've heard how important it is to stress that it's the effort that counts, not the answers. That we don't really care if they get a math problem right, as long as they're trying. I'd think that sort of mindset should help with performance anxiety in the long run. And when she goes for K testing, I'd make sure it's explained like, "You're going to have fun and read with the teacher!" rather than, "Let's show the teacher how good you are at reading!" (I wonder how her preschool teacher worded it...)

 

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I agree with you that this doesn't sound like social anxiety, since she isn't anxious when playing with peers. Test anxiety is a pretty common problem...I've read about it in the past, and I've seen techniques to help children get through it, although I don't remember them offhand. I'd just try Googling test anxiety, or performance anxiety. I've been doing mindfulness meditation with my DD for quite awhile, and it's definitely helped her (minor) anxiety. Some mindfulness before testing (it's not woo-woo new-agey at all, just relaxing your body and mind and focusing on breath) might help.

 

My DD does have some perfectionist tendencies. (Luckily she's never had to be tested, but it came through at times in normal home school work.) I think kids who are on the bright side tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves, especially if they see their intelligence as an important part of who they are. People are always telling them how smart they are, rewarding them verbally or otherwise for it. And so they don't want to disappoint anyone...I'm sure you've heard how important it is to stress that it's the effort that counts, not the answers. That we don't really care if they get a math problem right, as long as they're trying. I'd think that sort of mindset should help with performance anxiety in the long run. And when she goes for K testing, I'd make sure it's explained like, "You're going to have fun and read with the teacher!" rather than, "Let's show the teacher how good you are at reading!" (I wonder how her preschool teacher worded it...)

Dd is a perfectionist and it seems to be self-driven. We do a lot of positive encouragement that focuses on her hard work and attempts and not necessarily the outcome. But, she definitely has higher expectations for herself when it comes to writing or drawing. I haven't really thought about how this might make her hesitant to perform. I honestly didn't think that she was completely capable of choosing not to perform out of fear of failure. I just didn't think that she was that self-aware yet. But that could be.

 

Her preschool is heavily play based. It's only 3hrs a day and a lot of it is spent doing free choice time and group time. I believe their small group focused learning time is only 15 minutes? Which we love. But, I'm not sure how much opportunity that dd has to show her ability in terms of reading. She does do a lot of writing in school and will spell fairly well. Her teacher said she knew it was common for some kids to perform better at home and seems to think it has to do with dd being introverted and more comfortable at home. She noted that while dd talks at school and is assertive, she isn't as open and carefree as she is at home (our conference was an in-home visit).

 

We are pretty positive about testing. Dd had a Kindy entrance test and I made sure to say it was going to be fun and that she'd play games and show what she has learned. She didn't do nearly as well as she would have at home. She is more excited about Kindy now though and the actual assessments for her school won't be until spring. A lot can happen in 6 months!

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