How often do you give up on a certain day?

[Calizzy]

How often do you just throw in the towel on a day that just isn't going well? Maybe interruptions that you had to deal with (phone calls or delivery people that you couldn't miss), bad attitudes, science experiments not proving the point that they were suppose to, etc. After so many things go wrong I just say "forget it, go watch planet earth." I'm not the only one, right? How often do you have days like this? It happens in public schools too, right? After 5 or so do you consider adding a week on to the end of your school year?

[RootAnn]

When the kids were little, this happened more often. Now, not as often as I would like. (Edited to add: Because there are days when I just want to crawl into bed & take a nap or zone out with a book. But, this is my job, so I have to stay focused.) I have more times when one subject will get dropped for a day due to an emergent issue, but we get back on track and continue the rest of the day.

Yesterday, it was science for the boys and reading for Ds#1 because homeschool PE was bowling and started earlier than normal. Earlier in the week, it was because I had to sit with eldest to work on logarithms so ds#1 got shorted on his spelling or pickup from music class was late so I didn't get to grammar with dd#2 and #3. But, I schedule less weeks of stuff than we have week's of school so that I have the luxury of missing a subject or two.

I also save those extra days in the schedule for sickness or when it is gorgeous and we all want to go outside or meet with friends.

Edited December 2, 2016 by RootAnn

[Miss Tick]

(((Calizzy)))

 

I'm with Rootann on this. Much more likely to drop a single subject or abbreviate a couple than cancel a whole day.

 

Part of this is because the idea of adding a week at the end makes me queasy. By April we need to be able to see the end clearly and closely.

[regentrude]

I never gave up on an entire day. We may have ended a subject early, or switched gears and did something different.

I have never added a week of school. In the younger years, we always schooled until ps was out - what got done got done, we had travel plans, and there was always summer and next year.  With high schoolers, they finish what was planned and are done when they are done, no prescribed schedule.

Edited December 2, 2016 by regentrude

[Critterfixer]

Oh, a couple of times a year. Not often. But every now and then, a day off just has to happen for one reason or another, and that's just the way it is. We just work until we are done, or we might do a school day on Sunday or some extra stuff on a Saturday. It all gets done.

[PeterPan]

I don't know how old your kids are (fill in your sig :)  ) but you might need to take some steps to prevent some of these preventable things.  Don't take calls or get caller ID.  Or cancel your landline and go to cell and turn off the ringer while you're working. I doubt you have so so many delivery people you can't miss.  That's usually like just the FedEx guy with your Apple product, and that's an anamoly, not all the time.

 

Science is rough, because if you aren't prepped ahead or feeling flexible, things do go wrong.  If the source was bad for the experiment, then things go wrong.  Things go wrong!  But to just throw in the towel, that's sort of odd, because it's not modeling good emotional behavior.  You want to model flexibility, resilience, humor.  Maybe even just think about that and make a goal, like ok I'm going to work on HUMOR this week, and everything that goes wrong I'm going to LAUGH!  My ds has autism, and we make a lot of effort on how we handle things emotionally.  So that's something where you could take some time and think about that.  I don't think the issue is whether the lab goes wrong.  It doesn't MATTER whether the lab goes wrong, but it matters whether you're stressed or anxious or angry or whether you're calm and modeling good behavior, kwim?

 

To me, I'm TOTALLY FINE with having things go wrong.  We school year round.  What we get to, we get to, and what we don't, we don't.  It all pans out.  If things are going that wrong, we go "Wow, I think we need to watch a movie!" and we ALL go watch a movie.  Or we whip out chinese frozen junk food for lunch.  Or we play games and say we'll reboot later in the afternoon.  Reboot is really common with us!  Like maybe the morning didn't go well, but we reboot, we get a couple hours in later, we're cool.

 

You sound really stressed to me.  You don't need to count days.  Like even if the state says it, find where the flex is.  Can you count partial days?  Can you do park days or Grandma visit days and count it as school?  Are you planning in mental health breaks?  I used to send my dd every week to my MIL's, a planned thing.  i also sent my ds.  We all can use mental health breaks, and they like the change of pace, the company!  

 

When we say "I need a break" we're modeling good emotional health behavior.  It's ok to take breaks, do something different, laugh it off, play games, and CALL IT SCHOOL.  

[HomeAgain]

We have those days rarely.  Usually someone is sick or we have a slew of appointments/errands that must be run on that day.  Earlier this week we had a day where we did our usual thing, expecting to get back to work after music lessons/the park, but instead was reminded the oldest had an appointment (which meant over an hour at the mall for the rest of us while we waited).  It happens.  We did as much as we could in the morning: the subjects that have a full week of work or need daily practice (math, writing, spelling), and pushed off the other things that were more flexible.  I don't add a day to the end of the year because of it, though.  In fact, I'm not sure if I ever consciously add a day.  We just work until we're done.

 

I've learned over the years it is good to have flexibility built into the school year.  We aim for 4 days a week, and take off school for a full week or two at the end of winter so we can breathe again.  Winter is terrible for the doldrums.  I don't like curricula that insist on 180 days, 5 days a week.  At the same time, I do feel it is my job to keep a sense of rhythm or routine in our house, which means pushing through the bad days as much as possible so they don't become the rule, but stay the exception.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Very rarely. If I was still employed as a teacher I wouldn't just pull the plug. So I don't at home either.

 

I will reevaluate and regroup. When my kids were little, I sometimes needed to stop, gather them for a snuggle on the couch and then proceed. Now that my kids are older we will look at the objectives of each subject and might tweak things. For example, I might decide to double up on a subject the next day because we are running out of time and the assignments are related.

 

 

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[happypamama]

I try not to. For older kids, I will generally tell them to work anyway, or at least to do a few major subjects. For younger ones, things might get cancelled but not because of a bad day, exactly, but because I've had unavoidable things come up. I'm both pregnant and just had a DH with a major injury that required a lot of extra time and attention from me. Sometimes I needed the older kids to help out with the younger ones, and there's only so much schooling I expected the big ones to do while they were doing so (although they did help the 8yo a little with reading and history), and sometimes the big kids can work just fine, but I wasn't able to school the younger ones. We definitely had about two weeks of partial school days. When our baby arrives in the spring, everyone will get a few days off, but then DH will be home to help out for a bit, and so the big kids will be free to work more, even if the younger ones don't. We will work into June longer if need be, and we are okay with that. Sometimes life happens, and it's important to be flexible.

 

I do try to keep appointments and calls until the afternoon, but it's not always possible. There are sometimes emergencies. Public schools have them too -- snow days, bomb threats, etc. They adjust. They move days around, they condense classes and cover a little less, they go longer in the year. (One year, my rural district had so many extreme cold/snow days that their seniors had to go a few Saturdays to finish before graduation!). It is hard when Mom is the teacher and household manager and is the only one who can do both. If I know I'll be busy, I'll set up a bunch of educational stuff my small ones can do: Bill Nye videos, Starfall, etc. You do what you can.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We school year around too. That helps a lot.

 

 

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[mamaraby]

Very rarely. I can probably count on both hands the number of times we've done it in our six years homeschooling, but never for a phone call or a delivery. It might be because we're having a bad day that just doesn't seem to be getting better or maybe because I'm just not feeling well and should have taken a sick day.

 

If a science demonstration (most really aren't experiments) isn't doing what it was supposed to then we might talk about why that didn't happen, reread the directions to make sure we didn't do something wrong, see if we could find online why it might not be working as it should, etc. In that case, we'd move on to another subject.

 

I have cut ds short on a subject when I could tell we were hitting the diminishing returns point and then had him come back the next day and tackle the assignment.

 

I do count hours per state law so, yeah, if we take the day off then I'd make sure we made up the hours, but if it was a partial day, then I'd count the hours we got in. Mostly, it's about making whatever adjustment we need to get back on track - table that assignment until tomorrow, try a new approach after some research, go out for a cheap lunch or treat (popcorn at Target and let's look at Christmas lights!) and come back home and start again, etc. We're far more likely to take a day off when it's unseasonably warm and it's the first/last chance to play outside before/after a long winter.

 

If it's happening a lot, then it might be time to set up some scaffolds for yourself and look at what's happening and how you can better prepare yourself to deal with it so that it's less of an interruption in your day.

Edited December 2, 2016 by mamaraby

[Jean in Newcastle]

Re science experiments not working. I have done a couple of different things. I've added more baking soda etc to make a bigger more visible reaction. I've looked up YouTubes of the experiment and we've looked at that to watch how it should have gone. We've talked about what might have gone wrong. It's still learning science.

 

Edited because it is baking soda not sofa.

 

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Edited December 2, 2016 by Jean in Newcastle

[Soror]

Before compulsory age (7 here) sometimes, 5 day a week schooling is not required for my 5yo. Once they hit compulsory age it is very rare and generally only unless someone is really sick, even if they are just a bit sick they can often get at least some done. Now we might modify lessons or such- I might decide that something isn't working/not worth doing or we need less review but in the end, I know that we still have to get it done so just quitting for the day is not a very appealing option. On skill subjects we make it through one way or another, whether I have to modify something to work for us or we do some work on extra days I don't like starting the next year behind. That is not to say we don't sometimes have easier days, some days we cut all the fat, buckle down and get through the have-to-dos and the extras are exploring the woods or watching educational shows.

Edited December 2, 2016 by soror

[Hobbes]

Almost never. I will sometimes cut a subject within our day... skip an unnecessary lesson or move it to another day. But I have zero desire to add a week at the end of the year and that is enough motivation for me to do what is needed. I also want to teach my kids how to adapt but keep going when things are hard.

 

I only really scrap the whole day when there's a legit emergency or I'm sick enough that I would call in sick to a regular job. Even then... I have to be sick enough that having to do the work later is worth it.

 

I don't answer the phone when I'm teaching, or if I need to, I keep it short and tell them I'll call back later. A package delivery means answering the door and then setting the package aside to open later. Kids aren't allowed to get up from their work and off task for this. And a failed experiment means a discussion about why, then moving on. A narration about why something failed can be very useful in understanding a concept (or so I've found so far).

 

I can't quit a day because of distractions. We have a 2yo and 9mo around... we would quit every day. I can commiserate with the desire, though. 😞 Some days are hard.

 

Making checklists for each kid each week has been helpful for me. The work is set out and we can all see it, so the temptation to just not mention something isn't there. And the row of checked-off work is sooo satisfying (at least to this task-oriented mama!).

[wintermom]

 It happens in public schools too, right? 

 

Not really sure what you mean here. Public schools can't just send the kids home, or tell them to go watch TV. If something happens, like the gym/space/equipment is unavailable, they just go back to work in the classroom with completing some assignment, or reading/playing quietly. There is always something on the back-burners to do - it's the nature of the classroom. Things crop up every single day, and the teacher just goes with the flow and deals with things. They don't really have a choice.

 

Perhaps you have a very firm idea of what your day should look like, and having a plan is great. It's also wise to have a back-up plan so that you don't have to feel that you're abandoning the entire day. There is always some way to salvage the situation and get something useful accomplished. It may not be an entire math lesson, and the science experiment might "fail," but that in itself could be a good learning opportunity. 

[barnwife]

Well, my kids are 6, 4, and 3...so whenever I need to. Especially because I am now 8 mo pregnant with LO4. So school is now down to phonics/reading, math, writing, and read-alouds. 

And we aren't hitting all of those every day.

But, hey, making Christmas cookies involves math, right? And they were running around with tape measures measuring things last night. That's more math. 

So basically, I've currently decided that life is school until this baby is here and I am up to it. Generally though, not often, as formal school currently takes us maybe half an hour.

[HomeAgain]

I also want to say I do use some aids that help us stay on track.  Besides the gentle planning, I use Homeschool Skedtrack to list everything we do each day.  I can look at the calendar and see how many days we've taken off, how many hours we've done, and what still remains.  Everything automatically adjusts based on what we've already accomplished - I can look ahead and see that currently, our projected end date is February 17th, but that's with every subject, every day, 8h a day. :lol: Not going to happen.

 

It does help me see the big picture, though.  I can see our patterns, how our weeks usually go, and adjust my expectations or behavior using that information.

[Critterfixer]

You can build off days into a schedule. Kind of like figuring out how much sick leave, vacation days, etc you want to have. Then if you don't use them you get those days off free at the end of the year, which is kind of fun. And they are there if you need them on a day when the washer dies, or the hot water heater explodes or somebody is playing outside and twists an ankle or bangs up a hand. 

 

[Jackie]

Most of the year, extremely rarely if at all. During the winter, when my depression usually gets really bad, it can happen as much as once every week or two. But I know that will happen and it is among the reasons we homeschool year round.

[Calizzy]

Let me give an example of my day. Ds goes to preschool along with several neighbors so we share drop off/collection. He has to be ready by 8:15 so the early morning is spent getting him ready. Once he is gone me, dd 8 and dd 6 eat breakfast. Dd 6 works independently on handwriting while I'm fixing breakfast. After this we start on science, about 9:30. We work on it for a while but I am having a lot of problems lately with dd 8 arguing and arguing with me. It is happening today. I feel like I am going to snap so I send her to her room so I can calm down and think clearly about how to address the issue. Now we have to go collect ds from school. Home around noon. Dh come home for lunch. We have a disagreement about something and now I am in a bad mood. 1:30 window guy shows up to measure a broken window. We don't own our home, the landlord scheduled it, I didn't even know he was coming. So now it's 2:00. I'm frustrated. Dd 8 has a bad attitude. Dd 6 has done 1 page of handwriting. Together we have done about 1.5 hrs of science. I need a break. I send them to watch a show. I just want to stop and regroup another day. This is not the norm for us. But it does happen some times. Not for anyone else?

[Critterfixer]

No, not often. But if it doesn't happen normally, and especially at times of the year that can be stressful, I sure wouldn't bat an eye over calling a school day because of unexpected interruptions. Pick up where you left off the next day and go on.

 

If I found that I was frustrated most of the time, even when I was able to carry on, I'd be looking hard at the day and seeing what needed to be cut or changed to make it run more smoothly for ME. I often find that if I can avoid feeling frustrated and out of time and space, I'm in a better spot to deal with anything and everything else that comes up.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why do you need to do 1.5 hours of science with an 8 year old?  I think that short lessons work best with kids that age. 

[MotherGoose]

Well, my kids are 6, 4, and 3...so whenever I need to. Especially because I am now 8 mo pregnant with LO4. So school is now down to phonics/reading, math, writing, and read-alouds.

 

And we aren't hitting all of those every day.

 

But, hey, making Christmas cookies involves math, right? And they were running around with tape measures measuring things last night. That's more math.

 

So basically, I've currently decided that life is school until this baby is here and I am up to it. Generally though, not often, as formal school currently takes us maybe half an hour.

At those ages, I think it's completely fine. I miss those days! It won't cut it with my 5 th grader. What I've done too checklist, independent subjects, which if course works better with a 5th grader than younger, and I've also cobbled together half days. So there may Be a day where we only get through part, then another, and then that adds up to a whole.

[PeterPan]

Let me give an example of my day. Ds goes to preschool along with several neighbors so we share drop off/collection. He has to be ready by 8:15 so the early morning is spent getting him ready. Once he is gone me, dd 8 and dd 6 eat breakfast. Dd 6 works independently on handwriting while I'm fixing breakfast. After this we start on science, about 9:30. We work on it for a while but I am having a lot of problems lately with dd 8 arguing and arguing with me. It is happening today. I feel like I am going to snap so I send her to her room so I can calm down and think clearly about how to address the issue. Now we have to go collect ds from school. Home around noon. Dh come home for lunch. We have a disagreement about something and now I am in a bad mood. 1:30 window guy shows up to measure a broken window. We don't own our home, the landlord scheduled it, I didn't even know he was coming. So now it's 2:00. I'm frustrated. Dd 8 has a bad attitude. Dd 6 has done 1 page of handwriting. Together we have done about 1.5 hrs of science. I need a break. I send them to watch a show. I just want to stop and regroup another day. This is not the norm for us. But it does happen some times. Not for anyone else?

 

Does your ds (age 3? 4?) have some developmental disabilities?  Why does he go to preschool?  My ds has autism, so I get that people need space to work with their other kids.  I'm just noting that if you're sending him out to get more done, you're not achieving your goal.   ;)

 

Personally, I'd dump the preschool, because it's sabotaging your best hours.  Let the preschooler sleep in, and get the 8 yo up and out of bed with her butt WORKING by that hour.  And if you want to keep the preschool, that's fine.  But if you're doing it, accomplish your goal, kwim?  If the goal is to work, then sorry they ahve to set alarms, get up, and be ready to WORK at 8:15 when brother leaves.  They work then.  Have a checklist and start with important things (a read-aloud, memory work, LA, math).  Science and history belong in the afternoons or as rewards for getting their other work done.  Give them some motivation.  ;)

 

They're feeding off your distraction and low energy.  You're going to have to have a written plan and implement it.  If you want a lackadaisical plan, that's fine too.  That's kinda how I roll.  But I don't let something that isn't important STEAL all my best hours.  I know my kids need momentum, a good start, and clear expectations for the day.  So I would increase the structure (clear daily plan on a calendar), maybe use some positive rewards for behavior you want to increase (start on time, get a star, 4 stars gets us park day), etc.

 

Any option to move the preschool to afternoon?  Some work that way, with morning or afternoon options. 

SaveSave

Edited December 3, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[mamaraby]

Let me give an example of my day. Ds goes to preschool along with several neighbors so we share drop off/collection. He has to be ready by 8:15 so the early morning is spent getting him ready. Once he is gone me, dd 8 and dd 6 eat breakfast. Dd 6 works independently on handwriting while I'm fixing breakfast. After this we start on science, about 9:30. We work on it for a while but I am having a lot of problems lately with dd 8 arguing and arguing with me. It is happening today. I feel like I am going to snap so I send her to her room so I can calm down and think clearly about how to address the issue. Now we have to go collect ds from school. Home around noon. Dh come home for lunch. We have a disagreement about something and now I am in a bad mood. 1:30 window guy shows up to measure a broken window. We don't own our home, the landlord scheduled it, I didn't even know he was coming. So now it's 2:00. I'm frustrated. Dd 8 has a bad attitude. Dd 6 has done 1 page of handwriting. Together we have done about 1.5 hrs of science. I need a break. I send them to watch a show. I just want to stop and regroup another day. This is not the norm for us. But it does happen some times. Not for anyone else?

Can everyone get up, get ready, and eat breakfast together? Make breakfast simple and easy on school days - save the more involved stuff for weekens Heck, teach the kids to feed themselves. We have oatmeal every morning here and all three of my children (6, 8, and 11), make it themselves. That way once the preschooler is out and at school, you are ready to tackled schoolwork with the kids at home.

 

On the days your preschooler is taken to school by the carpool, you three are ready to start at 8:15. On the days that you provide transport, find an audiobook and listen to that on the way and home or get SOTW on audiobook and listen to that on the way home. If audiobooks won't work, 8yo can bring some work to do in the car - either a book to read independently or a clipboard with a simple assignment she can complete independently. Either way, you're easily starting earlier and better utilizing your time.

 

The arguing sounds like parenting related. Does this come up outside of school time or only for school and what are you arguing about? My gut feeling here is that you need to deal with the arguing in a better way and before you get so wrapped up in it with her that you feel like you need to snap.

 

...etc. we could talk about other things - how you've planned out your lessons, what curriculum you're using, etc. It's likely we all could brainstorm together ways to better tackle the day. I only have experience with NT children so I can't speak to special needs if there are any.

 

But mostly, I'd say that from the outside, it sounds like you're letting your emotions and frustration snowball so that it becomes a really big deal instead of tiny annoyances that are easy to swat away. I know when I'm tired or overwhelmed then things seem far more insurmountable than when I'm well fed, exercised, and prepared for my day. Sometimes the place to start is self-care. Are you taking care of you? And then after that, address parenting issues followed by planning/school day structure.

[Ausmumof3]

Let me give an example of my day. Ds goes to preschool along with several neighbors so we share drop off/collection. He has to be ready by 8:15 so the early morning is spent getting him ready. Once he is gone me, dd 8 and dd 6 eat breakfast. Dd 6 works independently on handwriting while I'm fixing breakfast. After this we start on science, about 9:30. We work on it for a while but I am having a lot of problems lately with dd 8 arguing and arguing with me. It is happening today. I feel like I am going to snap so I send her to her room so I can calm down and think clearly about how to address the issue. Now we have to go collect ds from school. Home around noon. Dh come home for lunch. We have a disagreement about something and now I am in a bad mood. 1:30 window guy shows up to measure a broken window. We don't own our home, the landlord scheduled it, I didn't even know he was coming. So now it's 2:00. I'm frustrated. Dd 8 has a bad attitude. Dd 6 has done 1 page of handwriting. Together we have done about 1.5 hrs of science. I need a break. I send them to watch a show. I just want to stop and regroup another day. This is not the norm for us. But it does happen some times. Not for anyone else?

Your kids are young so it's ok. What I would do is do your writing and math first. If you skip some science or history at that age it's not that critical but you want to build those skills.

 

Our usual day is math writing and reading plus one other subject. I don't mind if we miss the other subject occasionally but I need to do math and writing to feel we are making progress.

 

I think consistency becomes more important as they get closer to high school but assuming you don't continue having babies it also becomes somewhat easier. Because when they are 10 and the window guy drops by they can just keep working on their math till you are done and come back to them but when they are six that's not likely to happen.

 

All that said, I just took two days off because I was sick - can't get out of bed kind of sick - and I don't have a relief teacher available. Tv or educational videos are my relief teachers. It sucks but that's how it is.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited December 25, 2016 by ..Kathy..

[Ellie]

After 5 or so do you consider adding a week on to the end of your school year?

 

Nope. When the school year is over, it's over. :-)

 

Of course, in our house, the "school year" was January 1 to December 31. We worked on stuff until we finished and then we moved on (or tossed it, depending) to the next thing, regardless of what time of year it was.

[Calizzy]

Thanks for some helpful suggestions. I guess I just need to get us all moving earlier in the morning. I also have a 9 month old baby who is still up 2x night so it's really hard for me to get up early. I am just coming out of some Post partum depression and sleep is quite vital. But maybe I need to try getting up earlier?

 

We do block scheduling with science and history. We do science for 3 weeks then history for 3 weeks. We like to spend a solid amount of time on the subject, really diving in doing projects, watching videos, reading books etc. So the 1.5 hrs of science was just because it was Friday.

 

My kids are 8, 6, 3, and 9 months. We have had behaviour problems with #1 since she was 18 months old. She is very high strung. Probably some OCD and anxiety but has never been diagnosed. I think we usually handle it well, yesterday I was just getting frustrated and needed a breather in order to make good decisions. As for the preschool, we live in an urban area and there are 4 neighbouring families who all send their kids to this preschool so out of a weekly 10 drop offs/pick ups we only do 3. So overall I think it's a good deal. Also, we walk to preschool not drive so we like the walk.

[fralala]

It's hard with a baby who is still up in the night. Get your rest. Take care of yourself. Finish healing from your PPD.

 

As for throwing in the towel, when I notice my child has had too many bad days with a single subject, often I am forced to realize that I need to drastically change something we're doing. Do you feel the block scheduling is working out overall for both of you? It would be extremely intense for for my second grader. I've seen that there are a few schools around here that start it off in elementary school classrooms, but in a homeschool where we parents often are laser-focused on our kids, not allowing them to mentally drift off or zone out, I think it's a lot to ask them to hold that focus even if we're switching up activities. In fact, if we've spent more than 20 minutes or so on a single subject, I often do have to say, "Take a break, we'll come back to it in 20 minutes."

 

As for getting frustrated and needing a breather, I totally get that and sometimes I'm saying, "I need a break" (and hiding in the bathroom Lamaze breathing as the toddler rattles the door and screams to be let it to turn on the faucets, pull the toilet paper of the roll, and try to swish his hands in the toilet). We want to be able to teach our kids to ask for breaks before they lose their cool, so I consider it good role modeling to be able to say, "I feel myself getting frustrated. I'm going to just walk away. This is not punishment. This is because I need to stop and think." I think taking a breather is handling it well, and you should never feel guilty for needing that-- it takes a LOT of patience and self-control to parent and to homeschool and hanging on to one's sanity is a priority.

[Rosie_0801]

I also have a 9 month old baby who is still up 2x night so it's really hard for me to get up early. I am just coming out of some Post partum depression and sleep is quite vital. But maybe I need to try getting up earlier?

 

NO! Mental health requires sleep and adequate food (particularly foods that assist serotonin production.) Sort those first.

 

Then put some washing in the machine.

 

Then sort the 3R's.

 

 

Sleep, proper food, clean underwear and the 3R's is a good day's work.

[wintermom]

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. If you're finding that you and dd 8 are banging heads together a lot over one specific subject, then have a good, hard look at the curriculum you're using. Is it a good fit for you and dd's lives right now? Are you trying to get through it too quickly. Maybe slowing the pace and doing it over 18 months might ease the pressure. Try simplifying things a little by cutting out science altogether for the rest of this month and see how your weeks go. 

[PeterPan]

Or get evals for the 8 yo.  There could be more going on, like you're saying.  They have some really good social thinking materials out now, just in the last few years, so it might be that a diagnosis would give you information that you could actually DO something with.  

 

And I agree, I would not try to go on less sleep.  But structure, clear expectations, and the kids in bed earlier so THEY can be up earlier and ready to work, that would work.

 

Personally, I'd trim down that history/science.  Sounds like you're doing too much.  Newbies always overkill.  Chop everything you're aspiring to in HALF and you'll probably be about right.  Even just saying they read quietly for an hour in the morning would do, kwim?  Or they listen to audiobooks and do their handwriting pages.  

 

On the evals, I'll just say that both my kids have had them, so I'm pretty biased in favor of them.  When you've tried all your standard stuff and it's not working, it's good to get some evals to help you figure out what's going on.  You can come over to LC and get book lists, etc.   :)

 

Just as a total aside, the two things that always got my dd were Mondays (the transition from being off) and the end of the week (worn out).  You might log for a bit and see if there are any patterns like that.  We started doing a *small* amount of work on Sunday to get her brain back in gear, and that helped.  My ds does that now too with his ABA tutor, so it has been a good strategy for both my kids.  And having consistent, reasonable loads helps with focusing fatigue.  Also they benefit from weekly and daily checklists, so they know the plan.

SaveSave

Edited December 3, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited December 25, 2016 by ..Kathy..

[ForeverFamily]

Yes, I have had more days like that than I would like to admit. However, I have gotten so tired of not feeling like we could call it done when summer hit that I have really tried to nip that in the bud this year. I have a baby due in the spring, and I want to be mostly wrapping up our year by then so that is a huge motivation. So I have done my absolute best to get done at least the basics everyday (reading/phonics, math, and writing), everything else is a bonus. I had a rough day a couple days ago, where it seemed everything was against me. My kids did not have the best attitudes, my toddler and preschoolers were being handfuls, it was just chaos. I did my best to push through and at least get through those basics, we didn't accomplish nearly as much in those basics as I would have liked but at least we did something. Life happens, especially when you have littles. Don't be to hard on yourself. Maybe make a priority list of three subjects that must be done and try your best to get to those done first. If you get more done, awesome, if not at least you know you got done the necessities.

 

I have had to deal with some anxiety and attitude problems with a couple (well actually all) of my kids. It is hard, and draining. At times I have had to sit at the table with whatever child is having the bad attitude and just sit there while they cry, pout, make grumpy noises etc. They can complain all they want but they have to stay sitting at the table. I will just calmly sit there and tell them that they can tell me when they are ready to do their work/keep working. When they are calmed down I am happy to help them. If I am having a hard time dealing with their behavior and keeping myself calm, I will sometimes distract myself doing something else while still sitting next to them, such as surfing the web on my phone, reading ahead in a lesson book, etc. The point is I refuse to acknowledge them or give them any attention while they are behaving poorly. As soon as they are in a better place attitude wise I immediately put down my distraction and move on with their lesson. I have sometimes spent 30 min-1hr painfully waiting for them to be ready. However, the investment has been worth it because they have learned I mean business when I say "all right when you are ready to change your attitude let me know." There have been times when I don't have time to "waist" because I have other kids who need my help with school, so I have been known to send them away and tell them they will have to wait until after there sibling is done. They are often not happy when I do that and regret behaving poorly because they don't get to finish first, or before lunch etc. This only works because I work with one kid at a time,so for example I do school with my 7yo and then when I am finished I do school with my 9yo, etc. I do combine for science and history but not with their basics. My 10yo does most of her stuff independently. If she gives me grief I have her sit on the couch until she is ready to do her school. Not sure if any of those strategies would work with your kids, but might be worth a try. It will not work right away, but over time my kids have learned I mean business. The attitude problem doesn't happen too often anymore. And when it does it usually only lasts for 1-10 min, depending on how big of a funk they are in.

Edited December 3, 2016 by ForeverFamily

[Ausmumof3]

NO! Mental health requires sleep and adequate food (particularly foods that assist serotonin production.) Sort those first.

 

Then put some washing in the machine.

 

Then sort the 3R's.

 

 

Sleep, proper food, clean underwear and the 3R's is a good day's work.

Wish I could like your posts.

 

I missed the small baby part. My survival rule with babies was sleep by 9.30, 3 meals a day, some time outside and 3rs. Any time outside of that was dishes and kitchen clean up and laundry. Anything else was a bonus. If I ignored the bedtime, meals or outside time I'd start to slide mentally.

 

Actually I'm still like that even without a baby but I've relaxed the bedtime thing and we get more done because ... No baby.

[Jean in Newcastle]

There is a lot of trial and error when kids are little.  What looks really good on paper doesn't always work out in real life.  I agree with others that consistency in the 3R's is most important.  Science and history at those ages is mostly exposure to vocabulary and general principles. 

 

I think it takes a lot of wisdom and discernment to see the capacity of young children and to work within those parameters.  I think that this is a parenting thing but becomes even more important when the parent is also the teacher. 

 

Choices:   It worked well for my kids when they were little to write out the schedule for them.  I used pictures as well as words when they were young readers (or non-readers).  My kids were much less likely to argue when the "schedule" said that math was next instead of mom (even though mom was the one to make the schedule!).  Or if there was a choice, to limit it to just two things - "We have apples and oranges for snack.  You choose which one you want."  Of course, as kids get older, they can handle making some more choices. 

 

Timing and Length of Activities:  Kids really can only concentrate for so long.  If you are going to have longer blocks of a subject, you need to make sure that you are not requiring intense focus the entire time.  So maybe a science read aloud for ten minutes.  Then a hands on experiment.  Even though the experiment is still science, the change in pace will make it easier for the child to handle.  I think that it is reasonable to ask a child to focus "for just a few more minutes" when they start to get wiggly or tired but not much longer than that.  The adult needs to be the one who is flexible on this because it isn't developmentally appropriate to ask young kids to focus for too long. 

 

Loop Schedules:  I think that someone else mentioned this but it's ok to get done what you can in a day with young kids and put off the rest to the next day.  This isn't a failure.  It is a strategy for getting to all the subjects eventually when the kids are receptive for actual learning. 

[Critterfixer]

 

 

Thanks for some helpful suggestions. I guess I just need to get us all moving earlier in the morning. I also have a 9 month old baby who is still up 2x night so it's really hard for me to get up early. I am just coming out of some Post partum depression and sleep is quite vital. But maybe I need to try getting up earlier? 

Honey, you've got my permission to sleep as much as you can, when you can, and if everybody needs to skip science and watch videos in the afternoon for you to get that rest, you do it! 

Rosie is absolutely right. Rest--for everybody, take care of the feeding and the clothing, hit your math, reading and writing in those two hours while the preschooler is out to play, and then all afternoon you take care of baby, watch science, history, do some drawing, listen to some stories, and keep that afternoon light until you are all better and the 9 month old is letting you sleep more. Keep it structured, yes. If you want to do science for three weeks, line up science reading, and your videos for that time. Same for history. But back off on your school schedule and see if you don't have less frustration as a result. 

[idnib]

:grouphug:

 

If your oldest child is only 8 and you have a baby and PPD, you're doing way too much school. Cut way back, spend more time outside, read aloud, bake, etc. Just do some life learning, maybe through the holidays. You sounds very stressed.

 

It's so much easier when your kids get older. I felt a lot like you (and with only 2 kids!) when mine were little. I had chronic illness and undiagnosed PPD and a midwife who sort of ditched me after the birth when things went medically off the rails. I also had high expectations for school and each day ended feeling like I should have gotten more done. It was a sad state to be in, especially when I should have been enjoying my babies more! Perfectionistic tendencies can really wear you down. I was in awe of my friends who seems to just flow with everything, even with many kids in tow, and I didn't understand why I couldn't do that. At the time I couldn't see what I can see now with perspective and kids who are now 8 and 12. 

 

When I find myself having these days more than once in awhile, I stop and examine the basics for life. Almost every single time, I find a problem with sleep, exercise, or meals. 

 

I would suggest you stop schooling for a few days and get those things in order if you can. Is there something that will help you sleep better, even with the nursing? Can you go to bed earlier? Blackout shades?  Too much screen time late at night? Can DH help more with meal prep? Are you eating nutriient-dense foods? How's your zinc (good for PPD) and vitamin D? Are you getting outside enough? Has your PPD been okay with the shorter days?

 

(Reading these queries made me realize I need to take my own advice again!)  ;)

[Another Lynn]

I know I'm echoing everyone else, but I think it's worth repeating, especially if seeing a number of people saying the same thing will boost your confidence.  Sleep and your health is your #1 priority.  As far as school goes, the 3Rs are your highest priority - always do them in the morning.  Any day you do Reading, Writing, Math (in any form) counts as a school day at these ages.  Drop science entirely.  Cut history to a 15 minute read aloud or SOTW CD while they color or play.  It's easier for me now, but I used to get frustrated sometimes when the kids were younger - I really had to do those skill subjects early in the day for the sake of MY focus, energy and attitude more than theirs.  I also put the child that was the most difficult to work with first thing in the morning when I was most rested, patient, etc.  He/she might have been difficult for any number of reasons - the child struggled with a particular subject or whatever.  Whatever my biggest challenge was for the day, I put it first in the routine.   

[idnib]

I wanted to add one more thing.

 

I was chatting with a therapist (my neighbor) about PPD and depression in general and she told me that it's so difficult to see a situation when you're in the middle of it. She told me she had her clients who suffer from depression make a checklist and put it on the fridge, and check it each and every day. The questions were things like: Did I get dressed today? Did I take a shower today? Did I leave the house today? Did I eat today? Did I talk to at least one other person on the phone or in person today? When her clients would call her about being depressed, she would ask them if they had been checking the list and answering the questions, and usually the answer was no. Things just started sliding, and having them get back on the checklist was usually a key part of returning to the track.

 

I'm not saying you're depressed, but I am suggesting you could make a list of self-care questions that are appropriate for you and your family, hang it on your fridge, and check it each day. Tell your DH that if he sees you are struggling, to sit down and go over the list with you to see how you're doing. Or a friend who calls and checks in about the list, if DH is too busy. You might not see it when you're in it, or might not realize you haven't checked the list for a week. Make sure you're still performing the things needed for health and sanity.

Edited December 4, 2016 by idnib

[EKS]

Never.

[Clemsondana]

For my kids, if I don't get them started early, they're hard to get moving. Could you start your olders daughters on something independent, like handwriting, while your son is getting ready? Then over breakfast maybe you could read or watch youtube videos together to cover science or history (or literature if you need it)? I do either science or history with my kids every day, but rarely more than 20 minutes at that age. One thing that sometiems helps my kids is that I've got a pocket chart with cards for each subject. An envelope with index cards or a checklist would also work. I let them pick the order, and they know that when they're done, we're done for the day. That extra bit of control seems to help them.

 

Either way, I wouldn't stress too much over science and history. You need sleep, and even though getting one out the door is hard, it gives you some time with your big kids. I would focus on the 3Rs and then let them read simple books, watch videos, or use read alouds to do a bit of history or science. You an also have them do simple projects - fold paper into quarters and illustrate the seasons or stages of metamorphisis, color a map, etc. What will work without a fight depends on the kid - one of mine hates crafts but will read, while the other loves to make models. Or, have you tried reading to them while they're eating? I did this when one of mine was young because they were happy to sit still. While I've never just called it a day for school, I've definitely cut some short after getting through the essentials. Good luck.

[mamamoose]

Is it possible for your preschooler to have a longer day at school? I didn't catch how old he/she is...

 

I struggled with PPD/anxiety and couldn't imagine homeschooling during it! Honestly, sleep was the biggest trigger for me, so decreasing YOUR sleep in any way is a no-go, in my opinion. I also have a child with anxiety and ADHD, and he has a learning disability (well, several) and he very frequently blows our day to bits...sometimes I send him to his room and sometimes I send myself to my room, but it HAS to be brief because I have other kids who need me, and HE needs me as well (even though there are moments and even days I think of sending him to boarding school--and no I'm not joking, just being frank). He is not in public school because the public school here is not capable of dealing with his issues and private school isn't an option--we live 60 miles from any kind of alternative. Anyway, all that to say, I don't make school a daily option. We do school from 8 am to noon no matter what happens, and most days we "do school" until 2 pm. There are no electronics aloud until school work is completed. If ds is having a high-anxiety day, we often regroup, or I kick him out of the classroom until I can make headway with my oldest and youngest and get them both going on their subjects, and then he has to come back for direct one-on-one with me until he is finished. Its not always pretty.

 

I think its important to set an example that school occurs whether they (or I) want it to...my husband goes to work whether he wants to, and today it is 10 below zero and he will be working outside so its easy for me to point out how good we have it in our nice warm home doing schoolwork. I don't know if that's helpful or not.

 

As for the extras, at the age your kiddo is, I would read some quality books aloud (there are great options for both science and history that are short stories) and skip history/science as a core subject until all your kids are older. Here are some fun books that take 15 minutes to read and my kids loved!

 

https://www.amazon.com/Pompeii-Buried-Alive-Step-Reading/dp/0394888669/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1480943642&sr=1-3&keywords=pompeii+book

 

https://www.amazon.com/Trojan-Horse-Greeks-Step-Reading/dp/0394896742/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=TPBNHHDG1N9X8DKEDXTZ

 

https://www.amazon.com/Hungry-Plants-Step-into-Reading-Step-4/dp/0375825339/ref=pd_sim_14_10?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=TPBNHHDG1N9X8DKEDXTZ

 

https://www.amazon.com/George-Washington-Generals-Step-Into-Reading-Step/dp/0375810153/ref=pd_sim_14_27?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=JFW4H354N7D5S3NBN292

 

 

[Jess4879]

Thanks for some helpful suggestions. I guess I just need to get us all moving earlier in the morning. I also have a 9 month old baby who is still up 2x night so it's really hard for me to get up early. I am just coming out of some Post partum depression and sleep is quite vital. But maybe I need to try getting up earlier?

 

We do block scheduling with science and history. We do science for 3 weeks then history for 3 weeks. We like to spend a solid amount of time on the subject, really diving in doing projects, watching videos, reading books etc. So the 1.5 hrs of science was just because it was Friday.

 

My kids are 8, 6, 3, and 9 months. We have had behaviour problems with #1 since she was 18 months old. She is very high strung. Probably some OCD and anxiety but has never been diagnosed. I think we usually handle it well, yesterday I was just getting frustrated and needed a breather in order to make good decisions. As for the preschool, we live in an urban area and there are 4 neighbouring families who all send their kids to this preschool so out of a weekly 10 drop offs/pick ups we only do 3. So overall I think it's a good deal. Also, we walk to preschool not drive so we like the walk.

:grouphug:   I agree with the advice (below).  I'd also suggest a plan for days that go off the rails a bit.  Have a stack of books you can cuddle on the couch and read, or a Magic School Bus show you can put in with some discussion questions for after.  Board games requiring dice will help the kids practice math facts.  A bad day doesn't have to be a lost day.  You could also look in to some online options that the kids could do (semi) independently.  Spelling City, for example, or Reading Eggs.  Splash Math is another we have used that is pretty decent.   Just keep on keeping on.  :)

 

:grouphug:

 

If your oldest child is only 8 and you have a baby and PPD, you're doing way too much school. Cut way back, spend more time outside, read aloud, bake, etc. Just do some life learning, maybe through the holidays. You sounds very stressed.

 

It's so much easier when your kids get older. I felt a lot like you (and with only 2 kids!) when mine were little. I had chronic illness and undiagnosed PPD and a midwife who sort of ditched me after the birth when things went medically off the rails. I also had high expectations for school and each day ended feeling like I should have gotten more done. It was a sad state to be in, especially when I should have been enjoying my babies more! Perfectionistic tendencies can really wear you down. I was in awe of my friends who seems to just flow with everything, even with many kids in tow, and I didn't understand why I couldn't do that. At the time I couldn't see what I can see now with perspective and kids who are now 8 and 12. 

 

When I find myself having these days more than once in awhile, I stop and examine the basics for life. Almost every single time, I find a problem with sleep, exercise, or meals. 

 

I would suggest you stop schooling for a few days and get those things in order if you can. Is there something that will help you sleep better, even with the nursing? Can you go to bed earlier? Blackout shades?  Too much screen time late at night? Can DH help more with meal prep? Are you eating nutriient-dense foods? How's your zinc (good for PPD) and vitamin D? Are you getting outside enough? Has your PPD been okay with the shorter days?

 

(Reading these queries made me realize I need to take my own advice again!)  ;)

[mamaraby]

:grouphug:

 

If your oldest child is only 8 and you have a baby and PPD, you're doing way too much school. Cut way back, spend more time outside, read aloud, bake, etc. Just do some life learning, maybe through the holidays. You sounds very stressed.

 

I would suggest you stop schooling for a few days and get those things in order if you can. Is there something that will help you sleep better, even with the nursing? Can you go to bed earlier? Blackout shades? Too much screen time late at night? Can DH help more with meal prep? Are you eating nutriient-dense foods? How's your zinc (good for PPD) and vitamin D? Are you getting outside enough? Has your PPD been okay with the shorter days?

All of this. And sleep. More sleep.

 

With the additional information, I think you'd do better asking for strategies for homeschooling with PPD. The baby and PPD were left out of your OP which gives a very different picture. Ditch the science curriculum that has you spending an hour and a half on that one subject. Scientific literacy is important, but we're talking elementary school here. Focus on core subjects and go for exposure in the other topics. Maybe just science or history this year, not both. Audiobook SOTW for history with coloring sheets while they listen. Or for science, a bird feeder that you can see from a comfy chair and nature journaling. Check out related read alouds for more information. There are some out there with easier reading levels if your 8yo is game to read aloud. My 8yo gets a kick out of that and we cover two subjects at once.

 

Can your dh help out with getting the kids up and fed in the morning? Or do you have family nearby that can help with that for a time? A mother's helper? I wasn't homeschooling at the time, but after my middle child was born and I was overwhelmed (and not sleeping well), dh would make my oldest lunch the night before and leave it in the fridge. Then it just had to be pulled out of the fridge (ditto for me). Maybe something like that for breakfast? And I still say that older kids can make make their own breakfast if they are NT. They can even make you breakfast.

 

In other words, what can other people in your life do to help you have less on your plate and smooth out those rough spots for this season of your life?

Edited December 5, 2016 by mamaraby

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited December 25, 2016 by ..Kathy..

[rocassie]

Occasionally that happens here, but we don't school on Fridays as a general rule.  Often if we have to push a day for some reason, I make it up on Friday.  I'm more likely to scrap a day due to nice weather.  Let's get out and enjoy the sunshine.   ;)

 

Generally if school is getting rough - either for myself or the kids, I know it's time to take a break or do a light school week if I have a scheduled break coming up.  I school year round and take a break as needed or when DH has vacation.

 

When I had a baby, I spent a little time getting my oldest to do the things she could do for herself, mostly food- breakfast and lunch-, but also to do her own laundry and clean the small bathroom.  On the weekends (because DH was home) I would do a few things so the beginning of the week was easier.  Making a batch of muffins so I had something nutritious to grab and eat first thing in the morning.  Cut up some fresh veggies for snacking.  I did a lot of one dish baked in the oven.  I would usually make a lot of chicken on the weekend and then use the extras to make casseroles that were already in pans ready for me to pop in the oven.  Then one night was leftovers.  Also, DH had one week night meal to do.  Fridays we would do pizza (either takeout or frozen).  

 

It's okay to relax school and get the rest you need to be your healthiest self.

Edited December 5, 2016 by cbreeding

[HS Mom in NC]

I didn't have 4 littles close in age, but I did have a traumatized international adoptee 7 and 9 years younger than her sisters.  Youngest had severe sleep issues for a couple of years, so I know what being low on sleep in a crisis is like when homeschooling. 

 

We had to cut back to essentials and switch approaches for a while.   I'm all about a CM/WTM hybrid approach to homeschooling, but that wasn't compatible for our situation for a while.  I had to hand the kids some workbooks and do short one on one briefings with them so we could get through it.  My number 1 priority was academic critical subjects: Reading, Writing and Math. I added a little reading aloud for history some days.  I took them to PE once a week in the afternoon that someone else planned and taught-I just paid the fee. They played with neighbor kids in the afternoons and on weekends. Oldest was a voracious reader so she read independently a lot.  Middle was a late reader, not reading at that point so I'd leave youngest with dad and take middle to the library where she would check out lots of books on CD to listen to while she did her construction kit projects.

There's no way I would've added getting up early and getting a kid out the door on someone else's schedule.  Some nights were really rough and I needed to be able to catch up on some sleep first then start our school day after that. 

We did Schwann's for meals because I didn't want to plan and cook and clean up and youngest couldn't handle a restaurant. My husband ordered online and they delivered it to my house.  All I had to do was heat it up.

 

I do the 36 week file folder system.  We school on school days unless we're sick. Sometimes we drop a subject for a different one or a short break and get back to it later in the day. We've been sick for the last 2 weeks.  I have the year scheduled to we take off the same Fall, Winter and Spring breaks on youngest's best friend in ps but not the half days and odd holidays like Columbus Day.  That means we're done 2 weeks earlier than best friend's school.  If we end up not doing school for a week, we just plan another week or two at the end of the year.  If we miss a day or two I just add the things we didn't finish to the next week's file folder and we school a little longer during the week and/or on a Saturday.

 

[stutterfish]

Often, when the kids were young. :)

 

I'm a parent: I'm not superhuman. I've apologised to my kids a lot over the years and I think they respect me more for it.

 

I used to find that sometimes we could turn round a disastrous day, just by getting out the house for a few hours: stick some sandwiches in a bag and take a trip to the library, a walk in the woods with friends, or just a stroll around the block to post a letter. It can feel a huge effort to get out, but I find that fresh air and exercise tends to help with perspective:)

Edited December 5, 2016 by stutterfish