S/O of a s/o weird questions at the doctor's office

[Amber in SJ]

This is a piggyback on the baby sleep thread where the OP asked if you would obfuscate if asked if the baby sleeps alone in a crib when you co-sleep.

 

I also shared that I had a doctor get very invasive when she discovered we homeschool, so I am vague about that too.

 

And I have a 3rd experience.

 

When my dd turned 12 she needed a check up & boosters & we had changed insurances (again) and it was a new to us office.  The health survey we had to fill out was pretty crazy but one section of the questions stood out:

 

"Does your family have firearms in the house?  If yes, how are the firearms stored?  If yes, do you feel safe with firearms in the house?"

 

Um.....What?  How is that their business?  I asked the desk person what happens if we leave sections blank because the questions are none of their business and she said we could be dropped as a patient if we didn't comply.

 

 

Have you been asked any questions that seemed to be inappropriate to the scope of the doctor's office?  

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

[lauraw4321]

This has been raised and discussed on this board before. Firearm safety is a completely legitimate concern for pediatricians since there are so many accidental gun deaths in this country. Like how the ask whether you turned down the water heater and covered your plugs when you had toddlers.

[lauraw4321]

DP

Edited October 28, 2016 by lauraw4321

[MistyMountain]

That is a pretty standard question for drs. The pediatrician we go to asks the gun question as well questions as about smoking, drugs, eating habits etc. They also ask if you have friends or family that you trust and have a parental depression form.

Edited October 28, 2016 by MistyMountain

[Amber in SJ]

So it is appropriate for doctors to ask if you have firearms in the house, but not if you co-sleep?  To me, both of those fall under "none of their business."  

 

Amber in SJ

[lauraw4321]

Nope, both are appropriate questions. SIDS is real and there are clear ways to reduce the risk. Reducing risk of dying is a doctor's job.

[happypamama]

Asking if firearms are in the home and locked properly wouldn't bother me. Neither would questions about safe sleeping practices (assuming that they allowed for safe cosleeping), smoking in the home, dogs, child proofing, car seat usage, water temperature, sunscreen use, home pools, and bottle propping. Those are all health and safety issues, and if parents don't know, the doc should be providing guidance. My current doc doesn't ask about any of that stuff. Maybe the smoking, but actually, unless we're discussing respiratory issues, I think they just ask DD and me at our own appointments whether we smoke, not whether anyone in the home smokes, and even then, it's more like, "And you're not a smoker, right?" by the nurse as she updates the chart. Nobody asks about firearms, and given that I live in a state where it's easy to get a concealed carry permit and in an area with a lot of hunters, I'm a little surprised that nobody's asked.

 

We get a two sided paper with a list of questions on each side, one about lead exposure, and one about TB exposure. We have tons of old houses around here, so lead is an appropriate question. I assume if you answer yes to any of them, they decide whether testing is warranted. But overall, they're totally non-obtrusive.

[Guest]

.

Edited September 10, 2020 by Æthelthryth the Texan

[lovinmyboys]

I think it is perfectly reasonable for a dr to ask if a teen feels safe with a gun in the house. I'm sure your child is perfectly safe, but there are kids out there who are not (due to their own mental health issues or abuse).

 

I think it is a doctors job to keep patients safe. The number one killer of kids is accidents, so doctors need to do what they can to reduce them. One way they can do that is to educate patients on things like car seats, water safety, etc. Most people on this board don't need the education, but lots of parents do.

 

ETA: I do think these things are better done in conversation in a good patient/dr relationship rather than a box checking form.

Edited October 28, 2016 by lovinmyboys

[Guest]

The irony of all of this is that self report is notoriously unreliable and they KNOW it. So I honestly do question the point of wasting time on this versus actually interacting with the patient/parent and using that time to build a relationship. Statistically speaking, young males, wealthy people, and educated people are the most likely to accurately self report on routine health care visits. That is not who these questionnaires are targeting. So again I really have to ask why, and who, ever justified that these questions were a good use of time. I would love to see one legitimate study that actually validated asking these questions reduced any injuries/risks whatsoever, but I haven't seen a shred of evidence that exists to date. I think they're data gathering and that's it under the illlusion of being concerned health professionals. And this is coming from a person who spent many a year interviewing patients (and developing interviews) on behavior patterns. Asking a parent these things during a rushed well child visit is NOT how risk reduction should be conducted. It really does irritate the ever living crap out of me because it is so over the top in pediatrics as opposed to other specialties. 

 

Can you imagine if your gynecologist took a holier than thou stance and opened each visit with 20 questions with an obviously biased aswer set? Of course not. That wouldn't fly at all, nor would it do any good! But because it's parents, for some reason, they think people will react differently and suddenly it's legitimized. 

[MEmama]

I think it's a responsible question. Our doctor raised that question was DS was 9 or 10, and to my knowledge he is asked every year. It's a way to start a very important conversation; in our case DS has zero experience with guns (thank goodness) so it was an opportunity to learn about what to do if a friend has one, etc. It was the beginning of many such conversations in our home and I was very grateful it was brought up.

 

And fwiw I think it's totally appropriate for a doctor to ask if you co-sleep, how much you drink, if you wear a bike helmet, etc. If asking can save one life, can give one kid or post partum mom someone to talk to...absolutely.

[regentrude]

I find it a very reasonable question, since doctors have to be concerned with their patients' health and well being, and improperly secured firearms pose a risk to children. Some parents may not even be aware of this and may need the ped to address the issue.

Any question that pertains to the child's health - including co sleeping and family safety habits - is pertinent. I fail to see why people get upset about hem.

[regentrude]

Can you imagine if your gynecologist took a holier than thou stance and opened each visit with 20 questions with an obviously biased aswer set? Of course not. That wouldn't fly at all, nor would it do any good!

 

Why is asking whether firearms are properly secured "holier than though"? And how is the answer set "biased"? yes, I hope any parent secures their firearms, because not doing so is irresponsible  so I guess that is bias. But then, anybody with a brain should be biased against parents who leave guns unsecured around children. It boggles my mind that this even has to be debated.

 

I would sure hope that a gynecologist addresses questions relevant to gynecological health and inquires if there is anything that puts the patient at greater risk.

Edited October 28, 2016 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think it's highly invasive.  And this is coming from a person who is about as anti gun as they come.

 

When I don't want to answer something and I must, I have no qualms about lying (unless of course there is some legal trouble I could get into).

 

I would find another doctor though if they can't tolerate a refusal to answer for something like that.  I wouldn't have asked them in the first place if I could leave something blank.  I've left stuff blank before and was never asked later on.  Many times I'm under the impression they don't actually read the forms at all (or very carefully). 

Edited October 28, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn

[marbel]

I think it depends on the way it's asked.    If it's very matter-of-fact, fine.  It's the same as "do you drink?"    But I don't appreciate condescension from my medical professionals. One doctor we used to see talked to us as if we were idiots.  I wish we could check a box for these things on the form to let them know we've been educated on the risks of guns in the house, alcohol in the house, etc.   She asked my daughter "do you feel safe at home?" As if the kid is going to say she feels unsafe with me sitting there.  

 

I do appreciate that doctors want and need to know about their patients, but they can do it in a way that isn't invasive and insulting.  And they shouldn't ask the same questions over and over. 

 

 

[Alice]

As a pediatrician I have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, I think all these issues fall under the umbrella of public health. I don't think it's necessarily invasive to ask about gun safety, bike safety, feeling safe at home, co-sleeping any more than I think it's a problem to screen for depression or drug use in teens. It can be done in an invasive and condescending way but just asking the questions should be ok. 

 

I have two problems with it. One is that it's incredibly time-consuming. I have only 20 minutes for a well-child visit with a kid. If I ask all the questions and cover all the areas that the AAP recommends I will not have time to examine the patient or discuss any issues they might want to talk about. It's an incredibly long list of things we are supposed to screen for. I think that's why there is a rise in checklists: it makes it easier for a doctor to say they have "screened" for those things but it doesn't actually take away time in the room. 

 

The second problem I have is that I know people lie and I realize that most people don't change their practices based on what I say. So it seems somewhat pointless. 

 

I always ask about carseats and seat belts because I find that many people are doing the incorrect thing unknowingly. I always ask if they go to the dentist and brush their teeth because oral health is important. I ask about bike helmets because we see a lot of kid with injuries from not wearing helmets. Beyond that I usually ask questions more geared to the age of the kid or the circumstances. So for a toddler I ask about child-proofing and the would include asking about guns. We have an adolescent questionnaire that we have teens fill out that includes questions about drugs, alcohol, smoking and sex. I know a lot of them lie on that but it also covers other questions about their health and I think it is good for them to start thinking about how to talk to the doctor alone. It's easier for them to check it on paper than ask in person. And I am often surprised by how honest some are and what they will sometimes put on there that they want to talk about. 

 

I will also say that this community (WTM and to some extent homeschoolers) tends to be much more independent than the population in general. I find that many patients WANT me to tell their kids to: brush their teeth, eat their veggies, wear their helmet, buckle up, take a shower daily, etc. I get asked all the the time to "Tell Johnny that he needs to ______ because he will listen to you." 

 

I ask detailed questions about homeschooling but my patients know that's because I'm trying to find out cool stuff in the area for my own kids. :) 

[ktgrok]

At our practice the nurse (or assistant, I don't think she's a nurse) asks those questions before the doctor comes in. Yes, we have guns. They ask if they are locked, we say yes, they go on to the next question. They ask if we have pets, I say yes. When the kids are small they remind me the pets shouldn't be left alone with the toddlers, etc. We move on. It doesn't come across as holier than thou at all. That said, if I thought there would be judgement, I'd feel free to lie, like I did in the past about cosleeping :)

[Valley Girl]

I think it's fine for doctors to provide information on a variety of health and safety topics. I'd have an issue answering specific questions like that, however. If I keep a gun in the house, quite frankly, I wouldn't tell anyone. I don't want someone knowing which home to break into in order to steal it. If I don't keep a gun in the house, I also don't want someone knowing that because I don't want them knowing I'm an easier target. I don't care that it's the doctor asking. (I have plenty of reason to doubt the security of my health information based on having had it compromised.) Again, give the information proactively? Thanks fine.

[creekland]

"In 2013, 1,670 children (age 0 to 18 years) died by gunshot and an additional 9,718 were injured.

 

Those people that die from accidental shooting were more than three times as likely to have had a firearm in their home as those in the control group.

Among children, the majority of unintentional shooting deaths occur in the home. Most of these deaths occur when children are playing with a loaded gun in their parent’s absence."

 

https://injury.research.chop.edu/violence-prevention-initiative/types-violence-involving-youth/gun-violence/gun-violence-facts-and#.WBNMVi0rLIU

 

That's a little over 4.5 kids dying each day (on average) and a little over 26.5 getting injured.

 

I'm ok with doctors asking about it.  One never knows - they could save a life.  The worst that's happening is some parents feel annoyed - no big deal by comparison.

Edited October 28, 2016 by creekland

[coralloyd]

See we don't go to the doctor with all our health questions/needs. We really only go to the doctor when sick. I never ask or want the doctors opinion on our nutrition, exercise, etc... For one thing I have found that they know very little about these things. So I do not feel that they have a right to know any of those questions, unless pertaining to the current illness. I don't view a doctor as being in charge of my overall health. 

[gardenmom5]

See we don't go to the doctor with all our health questions/needs. We really only go to the doctor when sick. I never ask or want the doctors opinion on our nutrition, exercise, etc... For one thing I have found that they know very little about these things. So I do not feel that they have a right to know any of those questions, unless pertaining to the current illness. I don't view a doctor as being in charge of my overall health. 

 

my grandmother thought drs were gods and knew everything. . . . uh, no.  they don't.  sometimes not even their own field as well as they think they do.  (first-hand experience here.)  and some  drs love patients like that - 'cause they make money.

 

I'm getting more and  more uncomfortable with the 'mandated' questions they're starting to ask when I take a child in for a check-up.

[TranquilMind]

This has been raised and discussed on this board before. Firearm safety is a completely legitimate concern for pediatricians since there are so many accidental gun deaths in this country. Like how the ask whether you turned down the water heater and covered your plugs when you had toddlers.

No, it really isn't. Previous generations would have laughed out loud at being asked this question. Most vets still had some weapons in the home and kids were not being gunned down left and right.

 

I have never been asked these questions.

[TranquilMind]

I pretty much tell them the politically correct answer and move on. I don't appreciate the general attitude of condescension bestowed by the Academy of Pediatrics or whatever they're called towards parents in general over the last decade. If you aren't smart enough to lock up your guns, your twit of a pediatrician asking you about it is not suddenly going to inspire an attitude of responsibility upon leaving the office; nor is it going to inspire you to stop using drugs, quit smoking around your kids, drinking yourself into oblivion or anything else.

 

This is one of those things that really chaps me because I can almost assure you that there are federal tax dollars behind it somehow with an NIH grant funding the cause because some grad student somewhere, manipulated enough data to show if you preach at undereducated, poor, scared parents, you can coax them into saying what you would like out of fear and preaching. So they took those results as a whole and decided everyone needs to hear them. Meanwhile they use up valuable minutes of your visit asking about stupid PC questions when they could instead be getting to know you and your child and developing a relationship so that having these conversations at a later point might actually inspire some sort of change if needed. But of course, we can't have that now. So they'd rather check a box and pat themselves on the back that they are making a difference when all they are really doing is checking a box and alienating parents.

 

Ugh. And now I'm all worked up. Thanks a lot Amber. ;)

Amen.

[TranquilMind]

See we don't go to the doctor with all our health questions/needs. We really only go to the doctor when sick. I never ask or want the doctors opinion on our nutrition, exercise, etc... For one thing I have found that they know very little about these things. So I do not feel that they have a right to know any of those questions, unless pertaining to the current illness. I don't view a doctor as being in charge of my overall health.

Exactly. They are merely a tool in my arsenal - and unfortunately a gatekeeper of a medicine or surgery I might need. That is the extent of their role in our lives. I'm in charge of my health, my home, and my (minor) children's health. My not minor children have learned to keep their business to themselves and would probably react the same as me to invasive questions without any evidence of a concern in that area.

[Guest]

Why is asking whether firearms are properly secured "holier than though"? And how is the answer set "biased"? yes, I hope any parent secures their firearms, because not doing so is irresponsible  so I guess that is bias. But then, anybody with a brain should be biased against parents who leave guns unsecured around children. It boggles my mind that this even has to be debated.

 

I would sure hope that a gynecologist addresses questions relevant to gynecological health and inquires if there is anything that puts the patient at greater risk.

 

You're missing my point. If they want to counsel on gun safety, counsel EVERYONE on gun safety. It shouldn't be hinged to a yes or no question they're recording on a lap top at warp speed while they try and fly through the remaining 20-30 questions. Maybe because your kids are older, I'm not sure if you've experienced how much things have changed during well baby/child visits in the last five years. They've changed a lot. They are more rushed, and they are more impersonal in most cases unless it's a doctor you were lucky enough to have gone to before this big shift, in which case they probably won't bother asking you the questions anyway. 

 

 If you answer the *wrong* way to their question, they (usually the nurse) read a script at warp speed, because they still have a million other things to get to. They don't hand out pamphlets. They don't give you information to take away. They read you a pre-canned script in less than 30 seconds. These are not thought provoking discussions with a caring health professionals. These are data gathering, checked boxes. Everyone should know about gun safety. So tell everyone about gun safety. They have no clue if you will get a gun tomorrow or had one last week. My point is, the check box system is stupid and ineffective. There is a ton of data on how poorly self report works and there is no data that asking parents a million questions at a well child visit reduces child death in accident. 

 

My comparison to the OBGYN is to say that your dedicated gynecologist probably (I would hope) isn't going to sit there with you in the stirrups and read off a check list of questions on sex partners and sex behaviors right at that moment and then read you a canned lecture. Free clinics might be different if you don't have a regular doctor, but I think most of us are talking about our regular pediatrician and not some rotating clinic where we have no idea who we are going to get. Your gynecologist knows enough about your life in most cases to target the questions and the information to where your at. Your pediatrician hopefully would as well and figure out how to get this information to you in an appropriate manner (and I'm talking questions beyond the gun one here, which is what I think this thread is about- let's not turn it into a sole project on gun safety), but a think the ACA has overtaken them with so many *shoulds* that it is really difficult at this point to have a personal relationship with your pediatrician and only the more dedicated ones are really going to take the time to continue to forge that. The truth is many of them don't care to have a relationship- they simply need you in and out of the door so they can try and cram as many visits a day as possible to keep their practice viable.  And that is where you get the perceived "holier than thou" attitude. People don't really like to be told what to do by someone with no vested interest in them, nor do they respond well to situations where it seems like the parent is the uninformed enemy. From the sounds of this thread many of us have one one or both of these situations happen. Somehow it seems in many cases parents have become "suspect" as the rule, rather than the exception. That makes it feel as if the point is to quiz and record data rather than educate, and that is not effective. 

[magnificent_baby]

This has been raised and discussed on this board before. Firearm safety is a completely legitimate concern for pediatricians since there are so many accidental gun deaths in this country. Like how the ask whether you turned down the water heater and covered your plugs when you had toddlers.

 

Completely agree.

 

Hunting is huge where I live, so there are occasional child deaths related to guns. The questions are so that the provider can tailor patient education to the child's needs. When I was in NP school, we were taught to choose 2 or 3 safety related topics to cover during wellness visits because you simply can't cover them all. We could stick with the ones we felt most important and/or tailor it to each patient. For example, I simply could NOT believe how many children do not own bicycle helmets. If they didn't I would educate regarding importance of wearing them and also set them up with a free resource when it was available. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I get that they might want to educate on safety.  That's one angle.  However, the other angle is being judged for something one is doing that is 100% legal.  Like homeschooling.  I still sometimes feel leery about telling certain people because I don't want to be scrutinized more heavily.  I'd like to believe professionals would just do their job and remain professional, but they don't always because they are imperfect people like any people.  So I'd rather just lie if I'm uncomfortable or not tell them.  I think I have the right in this case. 

 

 

[Reefgazer]

When I see questions that, *IMO*, cross the line from medical to parenting related, I leave them blank.  I don't yell about the fact that I have left them blank, I just leave them.  Like the gun question.  We have government healthcare and can't be dropped, but if a doc were to drop me because I chose not to share, I would lie and put down the "correct" answer, just like I did with co-sleeping.  I don't have the time for stupid hassles about bedding or guns or breastfeeding or any other parenting decisions that I have already made up my mind about.

This is a piggyback on the baby sleep thread where the OP asked if you would obfuscate if asked if the baby sleeps alone in a crib when you co-sleep.

 

I also shared that I had a doctor get very invasive when she discovered we homeschool, so I am vague about that too.

 

And I have a 3rd experience.

 

When my dd turned 12 she needed a check up & boosters & we had changed insurances (again) and it was a new to us office.  The health survey we had to fill out was pretty crazy but one section of the questions stood out:

 

"Does your family have firearms in the house?  If yes, how are the firearms stored?  If yes, do you feel safe with firearms in the house?"

 

Um.....What?  How is that their business?  I asked the desk person what happens if we leave sections blank because the questions are none of their business and she said we could be dropped as a patient if we didn't comply.

 

 

Have you been asked any questions that seemed to be inappropriate to the scope of the doctor's office?  

 

Amber in SJ

 

Edited October 28, 2016 by reefgazer

[regentrude]

I get that they might want to educate on safety.  That's one angle.  However, the other angle is being judged for something one is doing that is 100% legal.  Like homeschooling.  I still sometimes feel leery about telling certain people because I don't want to be scrutinized more heavily.

 

Re homeschooling: I have never received any comments other than positive ones. Every doctor my kids have seen was completely chill with it. Maybe I am oblivious that I am being judged?

 

OTOH, I still recall DD's pediatrician asking very detailed question about her well being in school when she still attended ps. When the ped retired, I picked up my kids' records. She had made detailed notes about the social problems and bullying in school and was clearly concerned and prepared to follow up on the issue - because it definitely was relevant to her physical health. 

[TranquilMind]

When I see questions that, *IMO*, cross the line from medical to parenting related, I leave them blank. I don't yell about the fact that I have left them blank, I just leave them. Like the gun question. We have government healthcare and can't be dropped, but if a doc dropped me because I chose not to share, I would lie and put down the "correct" answer like I do with co-sleeping. I don't need stupid hassles about bedding or guns.

A lot of people have said this and I always leave invasive questions blank too, but it sounds like the OP was ambushed on the phone by a gatekeeper and couldn't get to the appointment phase. How do we overcome this (or online forms

that some demand (I always print and fill out wherever possible but sometimes you can't)?

Edited October 28, 2016 by TranquilMind

[Reefgazer]

At DS's last well child appointment (3 weeks ago), we had to check a box that said public/private school or homeschool; worded that way.  Homeschooling was singled out from public/private for what I assume was extra scrutiny.  This is the first year I noticed the schooling question worded that way; previously the three types of schooling were separated and appeared on "equal footing".  It's another one of those questions I'll probably start leaving blank because I don't like the implications of the wording.

Re homeschooling: I have never received any comments other than positive ones. Every doctor my kids have seen was completely chill with it. Maybe I am oblivious that I am being judged?

 

OTOH, I still recall DD's pediatrician asking very detailed question about her well being in school when she still attended ps. When the ped retired, I picked up my kids' records. She had made detailed notes about the social problems and bullying in school and was clearly concerned and prepared to follow up on the issue - because it definitely was relevant to her physical health. 

 

[Reefgazer]

Well, I don't have to overcome it; we're government healthcare.  :)  But in her case, I'd just lie to make my life easier; I feel no obligation to do anything more honest with providers like that.  The alternative is to seek out a family-privacy-respecting provider, but that takes time.

A lot of people have said this and I always leave invasive questions blank too, but it sounds like the OP was ambushed on the phone by a gatekeeper and couldn't get to the appointment phase. How do we overcome this (or online forms
that some demand (I always print and fill out wherever possible but sometimes you can't).

 

[TranquilMind]

At DS's last well child appointment (3 weeks ago), we had to check a box that said public/private school or homeschool; worded that way. Homeschooling was singled out from public/private for what I assume was extra scrutiny. This is the first year I noticed the schooling question worded that way; previously the three types of schooling were separated and appeared on "equal footing". It's another one of those questions I'll probably start leaving blank because I don't like the implications of the wording.

Wow, that's interesting. I would have answered "private". A home school is considered a private school in some states.

[TranquilMind]

Some things are for demographic and statistical purposes. I don't like being surveyed without my consent, and at times, what feels like under duress, but that's really all a lot of these questions are: a survey. Homeschooling is really taking off, and I think they are trying to get some numbers and statistics about how we all think, and what drives our medical decisions. Same thing with the questions the hospitals ask when you have a new baby. When did you prenatal care start? How old are you? How many years of education? We all like to google and say, "Look! x number of babies are born to women between the ages of y and z!" They have to get those numbers from some place.

Exactly. Get your information with informed consent or get it somewhere else. Doctors, of all people, should completely understand this.

 

Home births here, so I never experienced the hospital data grab, but I would not have cooperated.

Edited October 28, 2016 by TranquilMind

[fdrinca]

I would think these types of public health questions might work with the patient's cognitive dissonance to push for change. (Maybe not cognitive dissonance - psych isn't my field.) 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Re homeschooling: I have never received any comments other than positive ones. Every doctor my kids have seen was completely chill with it. Maybe I am oblivious that I am being judged?

 

OTOH, I still recall DD's pediatrician asking very detailed question about her well being in school when she still attended ps. When the ped retired, I picked up my kids' records. She had made detailed notes about the social problems and bullying in school and was clearly concerned and prepared to follow up on the issue - because it definitely was relevant to her physical health. 

 

When a ped asked about preschool and I said I wasn't sending my son to preschool, she launched into a lecture about how I'd be doing him a huge disservice because she wondered how I was going to manage to teach him the skills he needed.  He was 2.  She had talked to me for a total of 5 minutes. 

 

I haven't had a ton of negativity, but I have been guarded because of stuff like that.

[TranquilMind]

When a ped asked about preschool and I said I wasn't sending my son to preschool, she launched into a lecture about how I'd be doing him a huge disservice because she wondered how I was going to manage to teach him the skills he needed. He was 2. She had talked to me for a total of 5 minutes.

 

I haven't had a ton of negativity, but I have been guarded because of stuff like that.

I don't blame you! Goodness. With some types, you stand your ground but with others, I say something vague about considering my options. Edited October 28, 2016 by TranquilMind

[SparklyUnicorn]

You're missing my point. If they want to counsel on gun safety, counsel EVERYONE on gun safety.

 

This is exactly what I think.  Give me a pamphlet or one page print out, mention it, etc.  Sure, some people will take it and throw it in the trash, but I prefer to sit down later on and look at the stuff rather than have them grill me on what I'm doing right or wrong.  It makes me feel like they are looking for me to give them an objectionable answer so they have the opportunity to tell me I'm stupid or I screwed up. 

 

Yes, I am sensitive, but holy hell I don't like being treated like I'm an idiot.

 

The doc I've used for the kids for years seems to have figured this out about me.  That's why I keep going there.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't blame you! Goodness. With some types, you stand your ground but with others, I say something vague about considering my options.

 

Yeah she was new to the practice.  I myself went to that same practice as a child so they knew my whole family for years (which I do sorely miss since I had to move away).  I think she was fresh out of medical school and probably had no children of her own.  Maybe chalk it up to lack of experience or cockiness?  I really do not know.  I thought it was stupid, but what am I going to do?  Argue with her?  Why bother?  But no I just know better to not volunteer this information unless I feel like I'm not going to get that kind of reaction.  I already lack confidence so I don't need that!

[MistyMountain]

I do agree that people will lie and asking a long list of questions is not the best way to address issues such as gun safety. People will not admit to it and they might feel interrogated. I think rather then asking questions it is more effective to just talk about it as safety pointers while the kids are listening. The fact that everything is digitalization now and available online is something I also am a little leery about. I personally do not like having every conversation I had with the dr on a permanent record.

[Amber in SJ]

I feel like it is a weird "choose your own adventure" game.  The survey tailors the information I get at the visit.  Do I have firearms in the home?  If yes, queue firearms safety lecture when the doctor comes in.  If no then no further questions needed on the topic.  Do I co-sleep?  If yes, queue SIDS & "safe-sleeping" lecture du jour.  And so on....  If the doctor feels like these public safety matters are his or her purview then he or she should give out the info to everyone.  Maybe someone doesn't have a gun in their house because they can't afford one and not because they object to having one in the house with a child.  Does that mean they don't need the information about firearm safety?

 

I guess the part that I think is odd is the assumption that I need a lecture if my answers are not in line with the current recommendations, as if I co-sleep because I am ignorant of certain statistics.  Blergh.  

 

Amber in SJ

[Excelsior! Academy]

Completely agree.

 

Hunting is huge where I live, so there are occasional child deaths related to guns. The questions are so that the provider can tailor patient education to the child's needs. When I was in NP school, we were taught to choose 2 or 3 safety related topics to cover during wellness visits because you simply can't cover them all. We could stick with the ones we felt most important and/or tailor it to each patient. For example, I simply could NOT believe how many children do not own bicycle helmets. If they didn't I would educate regarding importance of wearing them and also set them up with a free resource when it was available. 

 

Most kids here (OK) don't use helmets.  It isn't required by law and frankly people just don't.  Heck, it's not even required by law for motorcyclers over 18.

 

 

When a ped asked about preschool and I said I wasn't sending my son to preschool, she launched into a lecture about how I'd be doing him a huge disservice because she wondered how I was going to manage to teach him the skills he needed.  He was 2.  She had talked to me for a total of 5 minutes. 

 

I haven't had a ton of negativity, but I have been guarded because of stuff like that.

 

 

 Yes!  I've had the homeschool lecture! We've also had the cloth diaper lecture.  One of our peds couldn't wrap his brain around the fact we chose cloth diapers for dd #2.  Why did it matter?  She was in clean cloth diapers.  Honestly it was easier to see when they needed to be changed than when we used packaged.  Needless to say we changed peds quickly after.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I feel like it is a weird "choose your own adventure" game.  The survey tailors the information I get at the visit.  Do I have firearms in the home?  If yes, queue firearms safety lecture when the doctor comes in.  If no then no further questions needed on the topic.  Do I co-sleep?  If yes, queue SIDS & "safe-sleeping" lecture du jour.  And so on....  If the doctor feels like these public safety matters are his or her purview then he or she should give out the info to everyone.  Maybe someone doesn't have a gun in their house because they can't afford one and not because they object to having one in the house with a child.  Does that mean they don't need the information about firearm safety?

 

I guess the part that I think is odd is the assumption that I need a lecture if my answers are not in line with the current recommendations, as if I co-sleep because I am ignorant of certain statistics.  Blergh.  

 

Amber in SJ

 

Yes!  Exactly this!!

 

And it makes sense to me to give it to everyone because of the fact people lie or omit information. 

[nrg]

I would be more comfortable trusting a practice were they to simply discuss the latest findings about infant sleep and the incidence of firearm accidents in the home, perhaps asking me to sign that I had heard/read the information, rather than questioning my personal home life. 

 

To respond to such questions, I would answer that I am aware of the dangers implied, but not discuss my private situation. I would not misrepresent my situation, either.

 

I am the mother of grown children and was never asked anything like this when my children were young.

Edited October 28, 2016 by nrg

[marbel]

Re homeschooling: I have never received any comments other than positive ones. Every doctor my kids have seen was completely chill with it. Maybe I am oblivious that I am being judged?

 

OTOH, I still recall DD's pediatrician asking very detailed question about her well being in school when she still attended ps. When the ped retired, I picked up my kids' records. She had made detailed notes about the social problems and bullying in school and was clearly concerned and prepared to follow up on the issue - because it definitely was relevant to her physical health. 

 

We have had mostly good experiences with regard to homeschooling - in fact, most health care providers liked it because we could come in during school hours.   Most were either quiet about it or obviously approving.  A few who knew my son's LD issues said it was the best thing for him.  

 

But one did stand out.  We went to him shortly after we'd move across the country.  My kid had severe nausea.  We knew it was most likely anxiety over the move and getting settled into a new life, but we wanted to rule out physical causes. Plus, we needed a new pediatrician.  The doctor was so rude.  He told me I was in denial about my kid's problem - right in front of the kid! - and said homeschooling was a bad idea and I should immediately enroll him in school - that would solve his problem.  Right.  I'm no expert but I can tell you that enrolling my kid in public school was not going to relieve his anxiety problems.  I was so angry.  We never went back to that practice, as you might imagine. 

[BlsdMama]

This is a piggyback on the baby sleep thread where the OP asked if you would obfuscate if asked if the baby sleeps alone in a crib when you co-sleep.

 

I also shared that I had a doctor get very invasive when she discovered we homeschool, so I am vague about that too.

 

And I have a 3rd experience.

 

When my dd turned 12 she needed a check up & boosters & we had changed insurances (again) and it was a new to us office.  The health survey we had to fill out was pretty crazy but one section of the questions stood out:

 

"Does your family have firearms in the house?  If yes, how are the firearms stored?  If yes, do you feel safe with firearms in the house?"

 

Um.....What?  How is that their business?  I asked the desk person what happens if we leave sections blank because the questions are none of their business and she said we could be dropped as a patient if we didn't comply.

 

 

Have you been asked any questions that seemed to be inappropriate to the scope of the doctor's office?  

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

Totally legitimate - it's just a strategy to insure safety.  it's like the old questions about carseat safety.  We were asked a couple weeks ago when we updated DS' neuropsych evals - and we were asked separately, interestingly enough.  I wasn't too concerned.  We have firearms and they are properly secured and the kids know what those security measures are and why.

[TranquilMind]

Most kids here (OK) don't use helmets.  It isn't required by law and frankly people just don't.  Heck, it's not even required by law for motorcyclers over 18.

 

 

 

 

 Yes!  I've had the homeschool lecture! We've also had the cloth diaper lecture.  One of our peds couldn't wrap his brain around the fact we chose cloth diapers for dd #2.  Why did it matter?  She was in clean cloth diapers.  Honestly it was easier to see when they needed to be changed than when we used packaged.  Needless to say we changed peds quickly after.

 

The irony.  The ped may well himself have been diapered in cloth diapers because that was what you did prior to what, the 80's? 

 

I remember stacks of them around the house for my younger sibling.

 

[TranquilMind]

We have had mostly good experiences with regard to homeschooling - in fact, most health care providers liked it because we could come in during school hours.   Most were either quiet about it or obviously approving.  A few who knew my son's LD issues said it was the best thing for him.  

 

But one did stand out.  We went to him shortly after we'd move across the country.  My kid had severe nausea.  We knew it was most likely anxiety over the move and getting settled into a new life, but we wanted to rule out physical causes. Plus, we needed a new pediatrician.  The doctor was so rude.  He told me I was in denial about my kid's problem - right in front of the kid! - and said homeschooling was a bad idea and I should immediately enroll him in school - that would solve his problem.  Right.  I'm no expert but I can tell you that enrolling my kid in public school was not going to relieve his anxiety problems.  I was so angry.  We never went back to that practice, as you might imagine. 

 

Wow, did you say anything or just leave.  I have such a hard time holding my tongue when it comes to doctors and their nonsense.  But, on the other hand, you had a child with you and the doctor can always report that the child is in danger as retaliation, so yeah...I guess that is a "shut up" moment.

 

But if it were just me being lectured with no child involved, all bets are off.