How do you get a baby to sleep at night?

[Janeway]

My baby is over a year old. My nights are basically a set of little naps in between breastfeeding. It is so bad. I am up now and this is typical. I was still nursing him after midnight, and 1am. I think I got a short nap after 2am. It is 3am now and I am nursing. Help!!

[nd293]

Co-sleeping. It's how I survived.

[Rosie_0801]

Nursing for hunger or just playing?

 

If hunger, more solid food for dinner. 

If playing, a few nights of father/son lectures while pacing the lounge room while you keep snoozing.

[eternalsummer]

We co-sleep

 

However, about age one is where I just can't stand breastfeeding one more second, and we wean.  I day-wean first (easier to distract) and then night-wean - normally this involves a pacifier (the MAM kind), a drink of water, maybe from a sippy cup, cuddling, dancing to chillstep (slow melodic techno, very monotonous) with Dad if possible, etc.  Then you are free at night.  I do start feeding a lot more calories in the evenings prior to night weaning - avocado, oat cereal with coconut oil or bananas or something mashed into it, etc.

[AnnE-girl]

Start with a larger dinner and maybe a snack before bed, then for some of the wakings, Dad takes baby to walk a bit in another part of the house. We do cosleep, but sometimes frequent night nursing gets to be too much with an older baby.

[Ausmumof3]

I'm not the best person for advice because we've had some pretty bad sleepers but sometimes I found when the feeding cycles were too close together substituting a back run or pat for a feed where they didn't seem too hungry broke the cycle a bit. Otherwise if dad is available it's helpful but of course some dads aren't much use with nights for whatever reason. Also as a last resort I have fed weet bix or banana in the middle of the night. I was worried it would be habit forming but it didn't seem to be.

[carriede]

Co sleep or night wean.

 

I could never figure out the physical logistics of co-sleeping to where I felt comfortable.

 

I night wean my babies at 18 months. Some will suggest 12 months, but DS2 didn't start really eating solids till 11 months so I knew he still needd to nurse for nourishment.

 

Also, is this a new development? If my kids suddenly start waking up every hour, that usually meant they had an ear infection or teething.

[ktgrok]

First I try advil to make sure it isn't teething waking them up. 

Then I try offering food/water at first wake up, and then nursing. I found often that they were hungry or thirsty,but nursing was so relaxing they passed out before getting enough in them to actually fill them up. so they'd walk up again an hour later, still hungry/thirsty. Repeat ad naseum. Offering a banana and a sip cup of water at 1am or whenever, in the highchair while I laid on the couch with Wild China or another similarly soothing documentary on, worked. Baby would eat/drink, get whatever weird playtime done that they wanted done, then start fussing to get down. THEN I'd nurse, and they passed out for much longer than if I had just nursed them. 

 

Sometimes just some water before nursing was enough. 

[rainbowmama]

Co-sleeping. At 18 months, we night wean, but often they still wake me at night for water or to accompany them to the bathroom.

[momacacia]

Good heavens, if only I knew! My secret for the one that did sleep well: have a baby with an 8+lb birthweight, adopt the eat/activity/sleep program asap, if possible let baby fall a sleep on.his own for morning nap as early as possible (staring at the ceiling fan or some.other object he's amazed with at 4-6 weeks).

 

Ill be listening. Dh and I haven't slept longer than a 3-4 hour stretch over the last year.

[Katy]

Decide when you want to lose sleep. Whether you do the transition now or at age 4, it will be rough for 1-6 weeks.   Now to get it over with or some random date in the future when you want to reclaim your bed and sex life. 

 

If you just want more sleep and you don't care about privacy, move baby to your bed and let him nurse at will  (obviously, this isn't safe if you take medications that make you sleep deeply or if you toss and turn in the night).

 

If you want to just get this over with, set a timer on your phone for 5 or 10 minutes.  Every time baby fusses, start the timer.  Do not respond until the timer is up.  Nurse, but do not talk, comfort, or even look at baby more than necessary.  No eye contact.   Put baby down.  In the morning, be super cheerful.  Say "Good morning!" in a bright sing-song voice.  Spend several minutes bonding and smiling and looking baby in the eye.  The next night, increase timer a minute or two.  Keep going until baby self-soothes and leaves you alone all night and knows he will not get the attention and interaction he wants until morning so he may as well just go back to sleep.  I've heard this is helped by putting him in his crib in the evenings before he gets sleepy,  but I haven't noticed this so much with mine.

 

 

[xixstar]

We are in the middle of night weaning my little one (13 months) because I cannot handle any more night waking.

 

The first tries were unsuccessful with me still in the bed and Papa trying to settle him back to sleep so I am now sleeping on the couch. I told DH I would com back to bed when the baby goes a week without waking at night. I will probably have to revise that because I think he is just going to wake at least once. My other 3 slept all night at this age but I can accept he is different. But still, 1x a night it way better than the 5-6 he was doing at times. We co sleep if that detail helps.

[ktgrok]

Decide when you want to lose sleep. Whether you do the transition now or at age 4, it will be rough for 1-6 weeks.  

 

 

As someone that has waited until age 3 or 4 for one of mine, that wasn't the case at all. It was super painless. I sat in his bed with him one night, then the next night sat on a chair next to his bed, then the next night in a chair near the door way, then started getting up to "check on something in the other room" a few times, then that was it. That was at age 3. 

 

My others learned to fall asleep on the couch watching a documentary, lol. When they got old enough to stay awake via the whole thing they got put in their room after it was over, and again, I sat in there a few times, but not for long. 

 

Much easier than staying up night after night listening to crying, for me. Others may differ. But I did want to say that no, leaving it until age 3 or 4 or whatever doesn't mean it will be just as hard then. 

[Janeway]

We are co-sleeping which is why nightweaning is not working. And right now, he actually does not have any place else to sleep. I stupidly purchased a mini crib when I had him and he is grown out of it. He has a toddler bed, but he can get out of any bed and walk to me if I leave him elsewhere.

 

His eyes were wide open when I posted this last night. My husband ended up taking him out of the room and he was happy. HAPPY..at 3am!! And after playing for a while, he ate and then went back to bed. He is in bed now.

 

 

[ktgrok]

We are co-sleeping which is why nightweaning is not working. And right now, he actually does not have any place else to sleep. I stupidly purchased a mini crib when I had him and he is grown out of it. He has a toddler bed, but he can get out of any bed and walk to me if I leave him elsewhere.

 

His eyes were wide open when I posted this last night. My husband ended up taking him out of the room and he was happy. HAPPY..at 3am!! And after playing for a while, he ate and then went back to bed. He is in bed now.

 

Yup, sometimes it was easier to just let them play for 45 minutes, then get a nice long sleep after that, than keep putting them back to sleep only to have them wake again 20 minutes later. 

 

There is a lot of biology that shows that we naturally have a waking time in the middle of the night. Our society doesn't do that, so we adapt, but baby hasn't yet :)

 

And I function much better with a long break than with waking every 30 minutes. 

[hjffkj]

How often does he nap during the day? My 20 month old moved to one nap a day at about 12 months. It was a long nap but it does the trick. She naps around noon, wakes up around 2 and then is up until 7:30. At 7:30 I put her in bed and she doesn't wake up again until 7 pm. The only time she wakes up in the middle of the night is if she gets too cold

[wendyroo]

His eyes were wide open when I posted this last night. My husband ended up taking him out of the room and he was happy. HAPPY..at 3am!! And after playing for a while, he ate and then went back to bed. He is in bed now.

 

What time is it where you are?  Based on the time stamp when you first posted, I'm guessing it is around 10am.  When you say he is back in bed now, do you mean that he fell back to sleep at 3:30 or 4am and has slept since then?

 

If so, that is the first thing I would tackle.  I would institute a consistent daily wake up time...probably somewhere between 7 and 8am.

 

Then I would start nudging him toward a consistent napping routine.  Does he take one nap or two?  All of my 12-14 month olds have still needed two (~1 hour in the morning and ~2 hours in the afternoon), but I know lots of babies have already switched to taking one longer nap by that age.

 

In my experience, the most common cause of frequent night wakings (barring teething or another physical malady) is baby being overtired and not eating and sleeping during the day on a semi-predictable routine.  Their circadian rhythms and metabolism get out of whack, and they get in the habit of snacking and catnapping sporadically through the day which sets them up to have periods of hunger and wakefulness during the night.

 

Wendy

[Janeway]

How often does he nap during the day? My 20 month old moved to one nap a day at about 12 months. It was a long nap but it does the trick. She naps around noon, wakes up around 2 and then is up until 7:30. At 7:30 I put her in bed and she doesn't wake up again until 7 pm. The only time she wakes up in the middle of the night is if she gets too cold

Only one nap. 

[eternalsummer]

As someone that has waited until age 3 or 4 for one of mine, that wasn't the case at all. It was super painless. I sat in his bed with him one night, then the next night sat on a chair next to his bed, then the next night in a chair near the door way, then started getting up to "check on something in the other room" a few times, then that was it. That was at age 3. 

 

My others learned to fall asleep on the couch watching a documentary, lol. When they got old enough to stay awake via the whole thing they got put in their room after it was over, and again, I sat in there a few times, but not for long. 

 

Much easier than staying up night after night listening to crying, for me. Others may differ. But I did want to say that no, leaving it until age 3 or 4 or whatever doesn't mean it will be just as hard then. 

 agreed, at age 3 or 4 it comes naturally to my kids and they basically start putting themselves to sleep in another bed.

[Scarlett]

Well I know it isn't popular with y'all but I did cry it out.  Modified for my comfort level.  Ds slept through the night beginning at 6 weeks.  He was so easy.  Until at 9 months he began waking up to nurse every hour or two at most.  He would nurse for a minute and then go back to sleep.  After about 4 weeks of this where I got zero sleep I was a zombie.  I do not do well on no sleep. 1st night was pretty rough...2nd night took about an hour or two (me going to his doorway and speaking gently to him to lie back down every 10/15/ minutes) third night it was done after a few times of that.  After than he was reset like magic and slept full night every night. 

[TammyS]

I don't do well without sleep.  I cosleep for a while, but I find that at about 8-10 months, I just can't take the night waking anymore.  Then I let them cry it out.  Consistently, it has taken 1 night of me shutting the door and walking away for them to sleep through the night.

[Murphy101]

I didn't. I figure babies aren't much different than anyone else. You can't "make" someone sleep when they aren't ready to sleep and you can't make someone not be tired when they are tired. You can wear them out with the exhaustion of repeated stress from trying to force them to go to sleep when they aren't inclined, but it's a method I'm not fond of and think is just as exhausting for parents and def more exhausting than just nursing and cosleeping.

 

I have never found any trouble waiting until mine were ready to naturally wean and sleep on their own. In fact, we view it being a stressful transition as them not being ready to wean and or sleep on their own yet.

[maize]

Mine nurse frequently through the night until they are weaned.

[Kassia]

We used the method from The Baby Whisperer (pick-up/put-down) when my youngest was a toddler.  It worked well for us, but I'm sure that it depends on the child.  

[wendyroo]

I didn't. I figure babies aren't much different than anyone else. You can't "make" someone sleep when they aren't ready to sleep and you can't make someone not be tired when they are tired.

 

OTOH, I think research clearly shows that there are things people (and I agree that baby's aren't that different) can do to improve their "sleep hygiene".  Adequate exercise and exposure to natural light during the day.  Consistent bedtimes and waketimes.  Predictable, relaxing wind down routines.  Avoiding associating the bed with non-sleep activities.  Not allowing yourself to become overtired to the point that you get a "second wind".

 

While I agree that you can't make someone sleep, as a parent you are in charge of many of those variables for a baby, so it would seem logical to try making some adjustments if neither you nor the baby are sleeping well.

 

Wendy

[zoobie]

Full fat plain yogurt (add a bit of jam, honey, applesauce if he doesn't like it plain) as a snack before bed.

 

Mine all sleep like crap before a big developmental leap. Is he starting to walk or big burst of language?

Edited October 27, 2016 by zoobie

[maize]

Are you making sure that baby goes to bed with a full tummy?

[HS Mom in NC]

Co-sleep and night wean. Yes, the kid will probably cry about it while they adjust to not nursing at night but I just rock them while they cry. Cut out a nap if a child is napping twice a day or shorten the nap if the child is only napping once a day.

At a year old I introduced solids and made sure the kid nursed then ate before bed.

Get some sun and plenty of outdoor play every day.  So many people aren't getting anywhere near enough exercise or outside time and they're not taking the littles out either.

Edited October 28, 2016 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[Murphy101]

OTOH, I think research clearly shows that there are things people (and I agree that baby's aren't that different) can do to improve their "sleep hygiene". Adequate exercise and exposure to natural light during the day. Consistent bedtimes and waketimes. Predictable, relaxing wind down routines. Avoiding associating the bed with non-sleep activities. Not allowing yourself to become overtired to the point that you get a "second wind".

 

While I agree that you can't make someone sleep, as a parent you are in charge of many of those variables for a baby, so it would seem logical to try making some adjustments if neither you nor the baby are sleeping well.

 

Wendy

Sure, but we tend to keep a very sleep friendly routine regardless, so if baby isn't sleeping through the night, it's usually not because we need to change things to make it easier to sleep or to sleep well.

 

It's not like I'm anti sleep. I tend to think most people and their kids don't get anywhere near enough time to sleep these days. We have actually always had a firm policy of quiet sleep friendly night routines for all our kids. With few exceptions, once my babies aren't cosleeping anymore, they are in bed asleep by 8 or 9 at the latest and they sleep until 7ish without a problem. Even my teens are usually asleep by 10:30 or 11. And this despite the fact that I have always been an awful insomniac who also sleeps very very lightly.

 

Keep in mind that for over a decade I had many little ones and for us, having a sleep friendly routine, even if the littlest one still cosleeping didn't sleep, meant dh and I got some desperately needed us time to decompress at the end of the day. And a good bedtime routine is often relaxing for parents too, adding to the decompression effort for us.

 

All that aside, I don't know if it matters to the OP or not, but very often night weaning tolls the end of breastfeeding in general. If she isn't ready to quit BFing entirely, I'd be hesitant to night wean.

[ktgrok]

Not to mention that my kid kept waking up even after he night weaned. One had nothing to do with the other it turned out. 

[barnwife]

I can count on one hand the number of times our oldest slept more than 45 minutes at a stretch in his first year of life. And he always nursed to sleep. It was...excruciating.

At about a year, I night-weaned for my sanity. Thanks to Dr. Jay Gordon, it was a relatively pain-free process for us. We still co-slept after that for a few more months. 

While you definitely don't want to put baby to bed hungry, I am not convinced that solid food versus nursing makes any difference. At least, it hasn't with our 3 so far. (Number 4 could be different, I guess.)

I hope you find a better sleeping pattern for all of you soon!

 

[wendyroo]

Sure, but we tend to keep a very sleep friendly routine regardless, so if baby isn't sleeping through the night, it's usually not because we need to change things to make it easier to sleep or to sleep well.

 

It's not like I'm anti sleep. I tend to think most people and their kids don't get anywhere near enough time to sleep these days. We have actually always had a firm policy of quiet sleep friendly night routines for all our kids. With few exceptions, once my babies aren't cosleeping anymore, they are in bed asleep by 8 or 9 at the latest and they sleep until 7ish without a problem. Even my teens are usually asleep by 10:30 or 11. And this despite the fact that I have always been an awful insomniac who also sleeps very very lightly.

 

Keep in mind that for over a decade I had many little ones and for us, having a sleep friendly routine, even if the littlest one still cosleeping didn't sleep, meant dh and I got some desperately needed us time to decompress at the end of the day. And a good bedtime routine is often relaxing for parents too, adding to the decompression effort for us.

 

All that aside, I don't know if it matters to the OP or not, but very often night weaning tolls the end of breastfeeding in general. If she isn't ready to quit BFing entirely, I'd be hesitant to night wean.

 

I'm in no way questioning your knowledge of sleep-friendly routines.  However, based on the info in the original post, we have no way of knowing what sleep strategies the OP is starting with.  Maybe she is already implementing a lot of sleep-friendly strategies similar to yours with her little one, in which case, yes, there might not be much else she can do if she chooses not to night wean.  OTOH, maybe she is missing a couple key elements of a sleep-friendly routine, and hearing people say that you just "can't make someone sleep" will 1) not share with her strategies that have worked for others, but also 2) make her think that it isn't even worth trying to fix the situation because it is completely beyond her control.

 

Wendy 

[eternalsummer]

I couldn't night-wean without day-weaning first.  Night-nursing, being the most unconscious and comforting sort of nurse, was the last to go, usually a month or so after day weaning.  I agree that if you aren't ready to wean entirely I wouldn't try doing it halfway.

 

OP, do you cosleep?

[KungFuPanda]

My trick was to have a 9 lb baby the second time around. That first baby was 5 1/2 lbs full term. "She'll sleep all night when she hits ten pounds." She did, but she was over a year old before THAT happened. That kid was almost 15 months before she slept all night EVEN ONCE. We co-slept and luckily I fall asleep easily. By two she was a weaned, in-her-own-bed champion sleeper, but that first year was torturous. She's in college and I'm still bitter. My son slept through the night starting around three months. He was just bigger.

[BooksandBoys]

I couldn't night-wean without day-weaning first. Night-nursing, being the most unconscious and comforting sort of nurse, was the last to go, usually a month or so after day weaning. I agree that if you aren't ready to wean entirely I wouldn't try doing it halfway.

 

OP, do you cosleep?

I night weaned all of mine well before day weaning (most extreme example: DS3 was night weaned at 15 months, but continued to nurse during the day until he was almost 3). That helped with sleep for two of my three kids.

 

I have no advice other than that. My middle has always been a poor sleeper. He's five and I'm lucky to sleep through the night once a week. At least half the week, he wakes me more than 3 times a night.

[Kiara.I]

There's a sleep regression around 13 or 14 months.  Sleep was AWFUL for all three of mine around that just-past-a-year mark, and then got better again.  So I'd be inclined to just ride it out for 3 more weeks and see what happens.

 

Then, since you're co-sleeping, you could try the Dr. Jay Gordon article on changing sleep patterns in the family bed.  It's possible to night-wean while co-sleeping, and his tips might be helpful for you.

[Mbelle]

I did luck out with a pretty good sleeper with #3 from 8 weeks to 6 months.  Then the wake ups started happening.  At 18 mos we did the Jay Gordon suggestions as best we could and it helped a whole lot.  I think I heard about him here on the WTM.  We did room share that whole time as well.

[EmilyGF]

I have had five kids. Number five is an awesome sleeper. If I had had her first, I would have thought I could write books about kids and sleeping (and pottying, and general happiness). 

 

I don't have advice, but do want to remind you that kids are different! She slept through the night on her own at 4 months but my now-four-year-old was still getting in my bed at night until 3.5 or so.

Emily

[DesertBlossom]

I don't do well without sleep. I cosleep for a while, but I find that at about 8-10 months, I just can't take the night waking anymore. Then I let them cry it out. Consistently, it has taken 1 night of me shutting the door and walking away for them to sleep through the night.

I co sleep too at the beginning as well because it's easy to nurse and fall back asleep. But as soon as the baby starts to roll or crawl, I can't sleep with him anymore. So I nurse and put him in a pack n play. I have never had a baby voluntarily night-wean and about a year old I will let them CIO to learn to sleep through the night. It sounds horrible but I feel like at that point they can sleep through the night whereas the little babies need the night feedings.

[Bluegoat]

With a wee baby I'd say co-sleep.

 

But at a year, I wouldn't - they don't need to nurse that often by then and I think at that age, what causes the frequent waking is often just being used to nursing to sleep.  I found co-sleeping with a small infant improved sleep, but by a year it made it worse.  Somewhere between, there is a need to transition.

 

So for that age I would tend to go with night-weaning as a solution.