Do you know of anyone who is very secretive about who they vote for? Edited in first post...

[SparklyUnicorn]

My dad growing up would never tell us who he voted for.  He considered this highly personal.  To this day I find this attitude baffling.  I get not telling coworkers or certain people for some sort of reason, but your own kids?  Why? 

 

Oddly he is no longer so secretive about it and will tell me (even though I don't ask). 

 

I just wonder if this is common. 

 

------

 

I'm more talking about telling one's own kids (when they are kids).  I don't tell people in general, but I would if they asked.  I'm talking if your kid asked you. 

Edited October 26, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn

[Miss Peregrine]

I don't tell anyone. I just don't think it's anyone's business.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't tell anyone. I just don't think it's anyone's business.

 

No I mean your own kids.  You would not tell your kids?

 

I get not telling other people.  Maybe I should reword what I'm asking.

[Bluegoat]

My dh is like this, he doesn't tell the kids or even me usually.

 

I don't really get it either, for the most part.  He was military and is now a civil servant, so I know part is that he feels he has to be very non-partisan in public, but to me his feelings clearly go farther than that.  And especially since we do talk about political issues a fair bit.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

My parents also kept it secret.  I can see a lot of advantages to doing so.  

 

- parents who vote differently and have decided to "agree to disagree" may want to make every attempt to keep the kids out of it, so to speak.  

- to ingrain the concept that voting is anonymous and free, and you don't need to vote for who your family or friends vote for. 

- To prevent gabby kids from starting playground disputes with their friends, neighbors, or extended family

- to allow their kids to analyze the data at their own level and come to their own conclusions

 

 

ETA:  I also don't tell my own kids.  I would speak more openly though with an adult child.  

 

ETA Again:  The anonymity of the vote is one of the lynchpins of democracy.  One way to impress its incredible importance is to insist on that anonymity.  This does not mean not discussing politics with your kids, but they can be do different things.  

Edited October 26, 2016 by Monica_in_Switzerland

[mellifera33]

When I was a kid my grandpa was secretive about his voting choices. Probably because he was a democrat in an almost all-republican family. I remember some family members teasing him about voting for Mondale. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My parents also kept it secret.  I can see a lot of advantages to doing so.  

 

- parents who vote differently and have decided to "agree to disagree" may want to make every attempt to keep the kids out of it, so to speak.  

- to ingrain the concept that voting is anonymous and free, and you don't need to vote for who your family or friends vote for. 

- To prevent gabby kids from starting playground disputes with their friends, neighbors, or extended family

- to allow their kids to analyze the data at their own level and come to their own conclusions

 

 

ETA:  I also don't tell my own kids.  I would speak more openly though with an adult child.  

 

ETA Again:  The anonymity of the vote is one of the lynchpins of democracy.  One way to impress its incredible importance is to insist on that anonymity.  This does not mean not discussing politics with your kids, but they can be do different things.  

 

Although parents don't mind instilling their religious beliefs in their kids.  So how exactly is this different? 

[Guest]

My dad would never tell us while we were growing up. I had no idea of his political leanings until well into my adulthood.

[Guest]

Although parents don't mind instilling their religious beliefs in their kids. So how exactly is this different?

I would say there is a huge difference between the temporal versus the eternal.

[SKL]

Is it possible that he didn't want you telling other people (including your mom or other relatives), to avoid contentious discussions?  Kids do blab.  :)  Also I wonder if, at some time in the past, he was afraid of repercussions based on his vote.  For example, violence or losing his job.  I mean, strange things happen around election time.

 

My kids know who I'm voting for based on what I've said I agree / disagree with.

 

I used to resist telling my housemates who I was going to vote for.  I was taught that voting is a private matter and it is bad manners to ask.  One of my friends would dog me every time until I finally spilled the beans.

 

Although I obviously have strong opinions, I believe in democracy and I'll always encourage everyone to vote their own conscience.  This may be another reason not to discuss my personal choice.  I don't want anyone to feel like they need to agree with me or pretend to.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Is it possible that he didn't want you telling other people (including your mom or other relatives), to avoid contentious discussions?  Kids do blab.  :)  Also I wonder if, at some time in the past, he was afraid of repercussions based on his vote.  For example, violence or losing his job.  I mean, strange things happen around election time.

 

My kids know who I'm voting for based on what I've said I agree / disagree with.

 

I used to resist telling my housemates who I was going to vote for.  I was taught that voting is a private matter and it is bad manners to ask.  One of my friends would dog me every time until I finally spilled the beans.

 

Although I obviously have strong opinions, I believe in democracy and I'll always encourage everyone to vote their own conscience.  This may be another reason not to discuss my personal choice.  I don't want anyone to feel like they need to agree with me or pretend to.

 

In my case there would not have been anyone interesting to tell, but I can certainly see that as a reason in some cases.

[Lady Florida.]

When I was a kid my grandpa was secretive about his voting choices. Probably because he was a democrat in an almost all-republican family. I remember some family members teasing him about voting for Mondale. 

 

Yes, that would be a reason why I'm normally quiet, especially with dh's family who are mostly all not my party. Oh, and I voted for Mondale. And Dukakis. :D

 

I can see not telling anyone including your own family, simply because your vote is one of the few things that are truly private. Even in Sparkly's dad's day people thought so much about you was public and that's the one thing you can keep to yourself.

 

Edited because of comma abuse.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Lady Florida.

[MEmama]

My dad growing up would never tell us who he voted for. He considered this highly personal. To this day I find this attitude baffling. I get not telling coworkers or certain people for some sort of reason, but your own kids? Why?

 

Oddly he is no longer so secretive about it and will tell me (even though I don't ask).

 

I just wonder if this is common.

This was the same with my dad. I never understood it either. It made me feel needlessly excluded and not trusted. Edited October 26, 2016 by MEmama

[Janeway]

I don't tell people. Well, I tell my husband.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Janeway

[mellifera33]

I have also met people whose religious beliefs required that they didn't get involved in partisan politics. Voting was not forbidden, but they were encouraged to keep their voting choices to themselves. 

[katilac]

Although parents don't mind instilling their religious beliefs in their kids.  So how exactly is this different? 

 

It's not like you're talking about the exact same group of parents. 

 

Letting their kids make up their own minds is one reason some parents may not talk about their political beliefs. Out of that subgroup, I am sure some try to instill certain religious beliefs in their kids and some don't. 

 

I don't think it's a big deal either way. There's a reason for that curtain around the voting booth! 

[Katy]

I knew someone who was like this, but he also spent all day long listening to the conservative talk radio station that played Rush Limbaugh (his job allowed headphones), and that was the only station ever tuned to in his car.  So who he supported wasn't a secret.  He worked for the government, so perhaps that was why.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have brought my kids to vote with me.  They stand there and watch me do it.  So they know.  I really don't think they care who I vote for.

 

 

[Miss Peregrine]

No I mean your own kids. You would not tell your kids?

 

I get not telling other people. Maybe I should reword what I'm asking.

I don't feel like I have to. I usually don't.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why would my kids care about who I vote for?  If they asked, I would answer, but it never ever came up until my kids were young adults and even then they haven't really asked about who I support but have just voluntarily told me who they support.    We did talk about voting in general and the candidates and democracy and civics and . . .  

[SKL]

For some reason, one of my kids (the 9yo) is fascinated about politics, and has been for some time.  It kind of bugs me, because she wants to talk about it but doesn't have the maturity to understand what is being debated.  She is also an instigator, bringing up politics in group situations when she knows I don't want to discuss it.  Bad child!  I see a future for her on Saturday Night Live.

 

Kid does research on her computer when normal kids are playing games and watching cartoons.  The other day at school she got a prize for knowing who the Green Party candidate was.  I don't know this ....

Edited October 26, 2016 by SKL

[Guest]

I usually am, especially in local races.

 

ETA - I see you're more referring to family discussions. We are still prettt private about it but our kids don't much care yet either. I'd rather walk them through the ideological considerations and logical thought process and let them decide than just tell them who I voted for.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Arctic Bunny]

My mom always made it a big deal that you never ask someone who they voted for, and my whole family never tells anyone. The most conversation was this morning, when she told me she didn't vote at all for mayor. And I thought it was so weird that she told me that!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Why would my kids care about who I vote for?  If they asked, I would answer, but it never ever came up until my kids were young adults and even then they haven't really asked about who I support but have just voluntarily told me who they support.    We did talk about voting in general and the candidates and democracy and civics and . . .  

 

I used to ask when I was a kid.  I was curious and interested in talking about it with my dad.  He just shut me down over it and I always thought that was very strange.  I didn't see the big deal.  My mother didn't vote.

[trulycrabby]

I never tell anyone who I vote for, and I never ask anyone either. We talks politics a lot in this family; DH and MIL do often say who they vote for, but I do not. It's no one's business.

[Spryte]

My parents also kept it secret. I can see a lot of advantages to doing so.

 

- parents who vote differently and have decided to "agree to disagree" may want to make every attempt to keep the kids out of it, so to speak.

- to ingrain the concept that voting is anonymous and free, and you don't need to vote for who your family or friends vote for.

- To prevent gabby kids from starting playground disputes with their friends, neighbors, or extended family

- to allow their kids to analyze the data at their own level and come to their own conclusions

 

 

ETA: I also don't tell my own kids. I would speak more openly though with an adult child.

 

ETA Again: The anonymity of the vote is one of the lynchpins of democracy. One way to impress its incredible importance is to insist on that anonymity. This does not mean not discussing politics with your kids, but they can be do different things.

I agree with all of this. Those are excellent reasons.

 

That said, we talk politics a lot, often in front of our kids, so they pretty much know how DH and I vote. Our kids know they can ask questions, express views, and even disagree with us about politics. We are very open. But they also know that it's not ok to ask anyone else, or to insist that one way is right, and they know that if we have differing opinions from them, or other people - that's totally ok. DS is very into the "we're all friends despite these differences" idea, so I have some faith in him to be kind and tolerant or just to ignore it when people don't agree, and move on to something they can enjoy together.

 

I do admit that I get nervous with DS around one set of neighbors whom I suspect to support a particular candidate that we don't support. I trust DS to handle differences gracefully, but I don't trust the adult neighbors to do the same.

[Arcadia]

Although parents don't mind instilling their religious beliefs in their kids. So how exactly is this different?

My extended family including hubby's relatives don't talk about voting, even though we are spread over three continents and a few countries.

 

We don't talk about religions either, most of us are agnostics. My maternal and paternal grandparents are taoist and buddhist but don't expect any of their kids to be.

[Pam in CT]

When my brother and I were kids, my dad kept it private (my mom, not so much, lol...).  I'm not really sure why -- I don't think it was an effort to get us to think things through on our own, as he was plenty opinionated on plenty of other subjects.  Perhaps his own political worldview was evolving?  I've never given it much thought, but in hindsight, maybe. Anyway now he's quite open, perhaps in part because my husband and (older) kids talk politics and current events pretty constantly.

 

We have several sets of good friends with whom the parents align differently.  In those circumstances, I can see dialing it back so the kids don't have to witness strife and conflict...

[Murphy101]

I would say there is a huge difference between the temporal versus the eternal.

There's that and also:

 

They may want to set an example of how important having a secret ballot is.

 

They may not want to have their kids sharing it with others. (I for one remember my elementary school having assignments where we were asked about how our parents were voting on things and party questions.)

 

I wouldn't presume not discussing who they are voting for or which party they are in means they are not imparting their political view. Especially these days when so many don't feel they have a party or a candidate that represents their views.

[MercyA]

I don't get it either, Sparkly. 

[GoodGrief]

I wish I knew more secretive people! 😃😃

[KungFuPanda]

I get it. You can be an informed voter and feel strongly about your choice without also having the desire to discuss it with anyone. Some people prefer not to have a political discussion. Answering the "Who do you vote for?" question can open those discussions while choosing not to answer will more likely result in a change of topic. Nobody is obligated to have that discussion because someone else thinks it's interesting or important.

 

Eta: Some topics are tedious to discuss with people who are 20-30 years younger than yourself. Sometimes people choose not to rehash a conversation they've already had 100 times. I enjoyed talking about Kindergarten curriculum 20 years ago. I'm just not doing it anymore. There are enough interested people out there to have that conversation without me getting involved.

Edited October 26, 2016 by KungFuPanda

[Reefgazer]

I'm secretive about who I vote for.  It's no one's business, especially in the current cultural climate where people are targeted by employers for their personal opinions.  I have no doubt that there are employers that use these personal opinions to get rid of someone whose opinions they don't agree with by finding some legal reason to let them go.

[kewb]

I am somewhat secretive.  Who you vote for is very private and nobodies business.  I certainly discuss politics with my kids and how to come to an informed decision.

[TABmom]

My parents didn't discuss politics. My dad is a pastor in a red state and does not vote the way people would assume. I'm sure he didn't want to deal with little kids letting that cat out of the bag. However, without ever discussing politics, they instilled their values in us well- I know that we all vote the same way for the same reasons. I do discuss politics with my kids. Not in a specific way, but in a general value-based way. But our situations are different.

[SparklyUnicorn]

When my brother and I were kids, my dad kept it private (my mom, not so much, lol...).  I'm not really sure why -- I don't think it was an effort to get us to think things through on our own, as he was plenty opinionated on plenty of other subjects.  Perhaps his own political worldview was evolving?  I've never given it much thought, but in hindsight, maybe. Anyway now he's quite open, perhaps in part because my husband and (older) kids talk politics and current events pretty constantly.

 

We have several sets of good friends with whom the parents align differently.  In those circumstances, I can see dialing it back so the kids don't have to witness strife and conflict...

 

Yes, this exactly.  He didn't mind telling me ALL ABOUT his views, but then when I asked hey who did you vote for you would have thought I was asking the most sacred and deep piece of information ever. 

[poppy]

I'm flummoxed by the idea of letting kid make their own voting choices....the way you vote reflects your morals. Why would you not help guide your children in morals? By "guide" I don't mean force, I mean, model. Show pride. Talk about it.

[HomeAgain]

I'm flummoxed by the idea of letting kid make their own voting choices....the way you vote reflects your morals. Why would you not help guide your children in morals? By "guide" I don't mean force, I mean, model. Show pride. Talk about it.

 

The way you vote reflects your critical thinking skills.  I expect my children to think through any major decision they make, especially as adults.

 

Dh and I don't tell anyone who we vote for.  Not even each other.  We're firm believers in voting being a private choice (hello, no cameras allowed in voting booths!) and don't see it necessary to broadcast after.

 

ETA: dh and I do discuss our morals and values with the kids.  We also discuss the roles of various parts of the government and generalities.  We watch shows like Last Week Tonight and The Newsroom.  (I seriously want them to do debates like the Newsroom tried!)  But as far as candidate choice, no.

Edited October 26, 2016 by HomeAgain

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm flummoxed by the idea of letting kid make their own voting choices....the way you vote reflects your morals. Why would you not help guide your children in morals? By "guide" I don't mean force, I mean, model. Show pride. Talk about it.

 

I do want my kids to make their own voting choices, but yes I do find that discussing it is an opportunity to share my values. 

[freesia]

My Dad didn't and I don't usually.  I think it's for the same reasons.  Our extended family is very vocal and very mixed politically.  I hate the yelling and the conflict.  The arguments between my Dad and Mom about Kennedy and the arguments against FDR by my grandparents and the present day George W. vs Obama arguments in my family are absolutely epic in their emotion and noise level.  ACK. I usually have things  I like and don't like about both candidates and I just don't feel like engaging. However, if there is a candidate I feel VERY strongly against, I do discuss it with my kids, bc I just can't help it.

[Pam in CT]

I get it. You can be an informed voter and feel strongly about your choice without also having the desire to discuss it with anyone. Some people prefer not to have a political discussion. Answering the "Who do you vote for?" question can open those discussions while choosing not to answer will more likely result in a change of topic. Nobody is obligated to have that discussion because someone else thinks it's interesting or important.

 

Eta: Some topics are tedious to discuss with people who are 20-30 years younger than yourself. Sometimes people choose not to rehash a conversation they've already had 100 times. I enjoyed talking about Kindergarten curriculum 20 years ago. I'm just not doing it anymore. There are enough interested people out there to have that conversation without me getting involved.

 

True, this...  Do you by chance have a 17 year old son?   :lol:

[luuknam]

The way you vote reflects your critical thinking skills.  I expect my children to think through any major decision they make, especially as adults.

ETA: dh and I do discuss our morals and values with the kids.  We also discuss the roles of various parts of the government and generalities.  We watch shows like Last Week Tonight and The Newsroom.  (I seriously want them to do debates like the Newsroom tried!)  But as far as candidate choice, no.

 

I think talking about candidate choice can be part of an exercise in critical thinking skills. Such as talking about how candidate x says y, but their voting record says z, or about how to weigh character and competence vs ideology if one candidate seems to have more of the former and the other better aligns with you with the latter.

 

We're not secretive about which candidate we endorse. However, earlier this year I did get quite annoyed with my 9yo about being so gung ho about our candidate, and so anti the other candidate. It really bothered me, as he didn't really know much about either candidate. I'm sure we'll talk more about politics when the kids are teenagers, but I don't feel my 9yo is quite at the level to have an in depth discussion, and his football fanatic approach to politics kind of made me wish he didn't know who we endorse.

 

ETA: not a fan of football fanatics either, but at least I don't care if they ignorantly pick 'their' team based on which team their family of origin liked.

Edited October 26, 2016 by luuknam

[cjzimmer1]

My parents never told us and I've never told my kids.  We will discuss certain topics and how we feel about those topics.  Based on those discussions, I can guess how they voted but I don't know for certain.  It would never occur to me to ask someone else even my DH who they voted for.  Maybe it's a cultural thing.  I can't imagine sharing that with anyone since that is how I was brought up.

[FaithManor]

I don't tell people. Not.at.all. I discuss the election with my husband and kids prior, and then what I do in the voting booth is my business only. I don't ask dh who he voted for, and I don't ask anyone else. That said, an awful lot of people tell me anyway.

 

 

[FaithManor]

and his football fanatic approach to politics kind of made me wish he didn't know who we endorse.

 

ETA: not a fan of football fanatics either, but at least I don't care if they ignorantly pick 'their' team based on which team their family of origin liked.

LOL, this is so true! Watch out on  MSU/U of MI game day. STEP AWAY FROM THE CRAZY!  :lol:

[Rosie_0801]

I involve my daughter as much as I can now, but will back off when she's older. She certainly won't be watching me over my shoulder when she's old enough to vote herself! I had to remind her after the last election that her father is entitled to a secret ballot as much as anyone else and he probably wouldn't like her to be telling me. :lol: But she's 9! She's supposed to be learning etiquette!

 

 

My parents refused to tell us when we were kids, but are quite willing to say so now we're adults. That seems a bit weird.

[SKL]

We're not secretive about which candidate we endorse. However, earlier this year I did get quite annoyed with my 9yo about being so gung ho about our candidate, and so anti the other candidate. It really bothered me, as he didn't really know much about either candidate. I'm sure we'll talk more about politics when the kids are teenagers, but I don't feel my 9yo is quite at the level to have an in depth discussion, and his football fanatic approach to politics kind of made me wish he didn't know who we endorse.

 

Similar here.  I would rather she not spout off like that because it misrepresents my views and my reasons.  People always assume kids hear all their nonsense from their parents.  Nope!

 

I hear some things kids have been saying at school, really stupid horrible things, and I just can't believe they are all getting that from their parents.  When I was a kid, it was the same.  The reasons kids gave for their parents' voting choices were outrageous and probably untrue.

 

Of course it's worse if it's mixed with big words and actual knowledge.  Makes it seem more likely to have come from an adult.  :/

[Guest]

My kids definitely hear more than they ever need to know about reasons for/against the current candidates. :/ I wish we would just go back to being a normal couple. I could say I'll be so relieved when this election is over, but I do not think the political vitriol will taper off soon after Nov 8.

[Seasider]

I was raised that it was rude to ask someone about their vote - as rude as asking a person what their annual salary is. The right to vote by secret ballot is very important in protecting individual liberty and to protect anyone against retaliation by anyone in opposition. So in addition to being rude to ask, there are basic practical reasons involved.

 

That said, lots of folks these days are opinionated and since they don't mind telling everyone who they voted for, perhaps assume others aren't shy about sharing. I never ask anyone specifically about their vote. I might ask, "What do you think about this election?" to open a conversation, but the offering of further information would be up to the other person.

[nd293]

I also don't tell anyone. It's no one's business and I don't want the kids to think that anyone has the right to this information. I think this is a core value of a modern democracy. I'm happy to talk about my view and it's pretty obvious from that who I'll vote for. I'll probably even speak about specific candidates. But "I just voted for x" - no.