NM... I was trying to vent and disengage, but obviously not the right place

[Farrar]

NM

Edited October 23, 2016 by Farrar

[Jean in Newcastle]

It seems like it would have been a lot better to just give the advice you find helpful without tearing down others.  And to apologize. 

[Tap]

OUCH. I agree, you should have stayed off the computer yesterday.  I hope you didn't post this same response there.  

 

Not everyone has complex undertones in their writing.  I would love to be an SAHM, and genuinely wish my personality was more suited to it. I work outside the home, even when I home schooled 2 kids full time. I can see the honesty in those comments that you tore to shreds.  Not everyone has complex thoughts either for or against SAHMs.  They simply see it as a choice that some people/families make.  

 

 

Edited October 23, 2016 by Tap

[Farrar]

It seems like it would have been a lot better to just give the advice you find helpful without tearing down others.  And to apologize. 

 

Yeah, I'm not apologizing for just saying, I'm not sure that's helpful to a couple of the replies. It's an open discussion in an internet forum. That's not crossing any lines.

[hornblower]

 

Ugh. I mean, I know it was *meant* to be supportive. Totally well-intentioned. Obviously, they don't get the subtext. But as someone who stays home, I just did not find it supportive at all. It read as so diminishing of experience and so much of a "suck it up, don't complain" sort of tone.

 

Posting here so I can vent and disengage. I got told what a meanie I was for questioning that "advice" since it was given with such good intentions. It's a compliment! How dare you question it! Gah.

 

I totally hear you. 

[Farrar]

nm

 

Edited October 23, 2016 by Farrar

[Bluegoat]

Well, I am a SAHM, and I don't think I would have seen those posts as particularly patronizing, though some might be more helpful than others.  Especially essentially saying "well, I value your work" does not seem to me something that would have a subtext attached, it seems like a pretty reasonable thing to say to someone who feels undervalued.

 

I had a chat with a mom on a mom's forum about looking for hidden meanings recently.  She had moved from an large American city to a large European city about a year ago, and was commenting on how much freer and more natural conversations were there.  Because people did not assume that there was some subtext to every statement, or that you could not chat with the people around you about substantive issues when you disagreed, or jump all over people for making statements that seemed not quite PC in their language. 

 

I think that generally, if you expect a negative subtext, you can find it, whether it is there or not.

[TranquilMind]

Well, I am a SAHM, and I don't think I would have seen those posts as particularly patronizing, though some might be more helpful than others.  Especially essentially saying "well, I value your work" does not seem to me something that would have a subtext attached, it seems like a pretty reasonable thing to say to someone who feels undervalued.

 

I had a chat with a mom on a mom's forum about looking for hidden meanings recently.  She had moved from an large American city to a large European city about a year ago, and was commenting on how much freer and more natural conversations were there.  Because people did not assume that there was some subtext to every statement, or that you could not chat with the people around you about substantive issues when you disagreed, or jump all over people for making statements that seemed not quite PC in their language. 

 

I think that generally, if you expect a negative subtext, you can find it, whether it is there or not.

 

That sounds great. I'm moving there.  ;)

 

Seriously, I didn't see any of this conversation, but if someone vents, let her vent.  It's ok.  Life is hard and we all need to do that sometimes.