What feels like home to you?

[Janeway]

Where we live doesn't really feel like home to us. It never has. It sort of does.

 

In describing where I would rather live..I am describing this place. I would actually like a little more snow and less harsh summers. But I don't want harsh winters. 

 

For my husband and I, we grew up in small town/rural areas with tons of family around. Now, we live in a large city with no family. I did just find out that a cousin moved with his family to a city about 5 hrs south of here. Not that that helps. I tried to text his wife about us all doing something together and my cousin is extremely busy and the wife kind of ignores me. I am a bit older than they are and I don't know. It seems like they are not that interested. My relatives in the north are dead, scattered, or almost dead. Also, I definitely do not fit in in the north anymore. When I talk to old friends and such up there, it is clear that our values and way of parenting and everything else has moved very far from those we know in the midwest. Of course, that might be a generational thing. I was reading how my generation was raised for parents to be very hands off and most of the people I still know are either older and raised their kids to be hands off, or they had no children.

 

I do not have the money to travel to find what feels like home. I just have to go off of what I read on the internet. My husband would like to go to Indiana, but after extensive research, I am worried Indiana would just be like Nebraska. Sorry...trying to explain...Nebraska and South Dakota are very different from each other and I am definitely the SD type, not the NE type. Unless you are from that area, you would likely not understand. And I could be totally wrong about it too as I have not even been there yet, I have only been reading message boards for that area.

 

I feel pressured to find a place that feels more like home over the next year or so so that my children can apply to colleges there and we can settle there and grow old and be grandparents there and grow old, all that.

 

 

[maize]

I grew up moving frequently. I didn't feel settled as long as we were living in rented apartments in an area where we could never find a home, but beyond that I think I could settle most places. To some extent I think a person can choose to accept a place as home.

 

How long have you lived where you are now? I would question the wisdom of picking up and moving now with your kids the ages they are--your search for a home place comfortable for you may be very disruptive and ungrounding for your kids.

 

If the children are very unhappy in your current location that might be a different matter.

[Heidi]

We will one day live in Colorado. Neither of us have lived there before, we just both love it. Dh is military, so we go where we are told, but one day...

[Pawz4me]

I've lived in this county since I was six years old (and in the general area since I was born). My ancestors have lived in this county since at least the early 1800's. Pretty much all of our extended family lives within 90 minutes. So it feels pretty much like home. I'd be a lot happier if the summers were milder, but it's not worth moving.

[Cecropia]

My parent's house.  I grew up there and they have never moved.  I think a lot of that has to do with the happy memories of childhood, the family stability, and the familiarity of surroundings that I had.  FIL still lives in the house that dh grew up in, but dh doesn't feel any positive attachment to it at all, probably because of the family dysfunction/divorce he associates with that space.  I know he wouldn't describe his childhood as a negative experience, but there is some element in mine that was missing in his.  We grew up in the suburbs of a major city only a few miles away from each other, so the location doesn't enter into the very different way that we view those places.

 

When my parents pass and their house is gone, I think I will feel most at home wherever dh is.

 

I feel sorry for our kids because we have moved them around quite a bit, but it really couldn't be helped. (following jobs/economic reasons)

[Guest]

I am a military brat, home to me is a neighborhood where people respect others, the rule of law is agreed upon, and manners are used. My neighborhood changed dramatically when gentrification began in nearby cities, I will be leaving too. The newer residents have so much hatred, and I dont like the settling of every conflict with violence, the drug and prostitution trade, nor having to lock my front door when I am out back. The food, tree, and flower theft is really the last straw, the people doing so are making their business selling what others have labored to produce. Impossible to have community when large groups refuse to participate in the economy legally and give up the 'I got mine' attitude.

[Anne in CA]

This is something I think about a lot. Settling down before it's too late to establish a home base. I really like where we are now, but we are a long way from family. I wouldn't move to where the rest of our family are just to be with them. In a perfect world we would have enough money for a beach house in Oregon and the kids would visit us in Seaside or Cannon Beach and the rest of the time we would live here, where I'm happiest. DH misses Portland (he lived the bulk of his life there) but I don't miss Portland although I miss friends and relatives. I don't like Portland. It's always wet. 

[J-rap]

Home is where I feel comfortable, but that has been in a lot of different places and types of accommodations.  We've had the opportunity to experience a real variety!  But if I were not comfortable or felt unhappy somewhere, then it wouldn't feel like home.  I couldn't give you a specific definition of what kind of place would feel like home, because it is more of a general feeling/comfort level rather than a geographical location or type of house/apartment.

[Wheres Toto]

I live in the same county I grew up in, the same town my grandparents lived in and I grew up going to their house every weekend and going to church with them.  I live less than 5 miles from the town I lived in from 5 years old to 18 years old and again from 19 to 26 years old.  

 

It feels like home because I've always lived here and have nothing to compare it to.  I'm not sure I'd feel the same if I had experienced something else. 

[creekland]

Home, to me, is on the road traveling - wandering - exploring new places - with hubby.  I absolutely love it.

 

Of course, I also feel at home here in PA, esp since we've been here for 20 years now.

 

Even St Petersburg, FL (where we moved here from) still feels like home.  We lived there for 5 years.

 

Blacksburg, Va (our college town) gives us the same "back home" feelings.

 

And I feel home back in NY where I was raised - esp my hometown.

 

I expect to feel at home wherever we move next.  We just haven't decided yet where that will be (condo on a beach, RV, sailboat, and/or second or third world country tops our thoughts when we discuss it).  Our boys need to finish college (and possibly med school) first.  We need our finances to free up and be certain none of them want our farm, 'cause I'd hate to sell it out from under them.  It's pretty rare to find what we have - and it should have that "home" feel to them.

 

I don't have a single definition of "home" or "feels like home."  One thing it's not though (for us) is city life.  We're never at home when we visit cities.  It always feels like home when we leave them.  We're comfortable in cities - not afraid of them at all - it's just not "us."  I'm glad hubby and I are similar with that feeling.  We like the Great Outdoors.

Edited October 23, 2016 by creekland

[AnnE-girl]

I think we've found it. We're less than two hours from where I grew up. It's the same large metropolitan area, but we're further out where there is space and quaint old towns instead of barely distinguishable suburb after suburb. We have community here. Our last house didn't feel as much like home, but more of a placeholder. We've only been in this house for five months, but it feels much more like ours.

[HomeAgain]

Home for me has to do with location, not people exactly.  I'm not a suburbanite.  I'm not a city gal.  I'm happy in a small town, where I can walk everywhere, people know each other, and there are the basic amenities: library, grocery, takeout, etc.  Fact is, we're looking for Stars Hollow. :P  Dh may have found it but we'll be giving it a year to see how it fits before looking for a different place if needed.

[AnnE-girl]

I was thinking about this a little more, and one other place I could see feeling like home is Door County. Every time we pass the sign on our way up, I immediately feel happy and relaxed. I'm not sure that I would keep that feeling of it wasn't just our place to get away for a while, but real life every day. I wouldn't mind finding out, but for now I do love where we are and the life we are building.

[Janeway]

I really felt at home when I lived in LA, CA. North of the city, not Orange County. I loved it. My husband hates CA and I hear CA isn't what it was 20 years ago. I don't know if I will ever really feel like I belong anywhere again. Funny thing too, I didn't grow up in CA, I just felt pulled there. I went there after college and the moment I arrived, I felt like I came home.

[mamiof5]

I live at home. AZ is home for us. I'm sure it has it's disadvantages like any other places, and I do long for cooler fall and spring, but I don't like harsh winters, so I'd rather live in sunny and hot AZ. Love the dry heat (compared to mushy, hot, humid). We like the cost of living as well (compared to other more expensive places). We have family and friends somewhat close by.

 

Dh has lived in AZ most of his life. I am very far from where I was raised, but don't have too fond memories of my childhood, so it's perfectly fine to live far from there.

 

Hope you find a place you can call home :)

[lynn]

Most places I lived just felt like we were passing through except for a year we had a perfect quaint house in Georgia but the company laid off so we had to move. All though I loved Tucson and the homes we had there it was never home to this new England girl. I think I am always searching for my kids to have my perfect new England childhood nothing can compare and feel like home. These places are tolerated but not home. I do enjoy where we now live have been in this house 11 years. We have been in this general area most of our married life. It's just where the jobs are. Kwim

[happypamama]

I lived in a rural area of northwestern Pennsylvania for my first several years.  I also spent most of my childhood and teen years in a small town where everyone was related to everyone else.  As an adult, I lived on campus in a college town in an area that was pretty, Boston, small town suburbs of both Philadelphia and DC, and now here, south central PA.  There were things to like about all of the places I lived, but most of them were way too busy for our liking.  Just way too much hustle and bustle and fast pace.  Even when we lived in suburbia, we were still in congested, small lot neighborhoods but too far to walk to most things.  I think being in a small town/suburb might be okay if it was mostly walkable.

 

When we lived outside of DC, my DH got a job offer that meant we could live in south central PA.  The first time I visited my prospective college, something just felt *right.*  The first time we looked at the area where we live now, I felt the same feeling.  (It probably helped that both times, I saw mountains, sunny days, and pretty fall foliage.)  It feels like home here.  Not too much winter, not too much summer, just enough of each to appreciate the other, and spring and fall are heavenly.  Yes, DH has a 45 minute commute but it's a pleasant, straight, easy drive, and it totally beats his two hour (each way) drive to and from DC in heavy traffic, and it beats paying more for housing.  We have a little land, and the few neighbors we have are nice but not busybodies.  People in the whole area are friendly and welcoming, and most people like children.  Homeschooling is well supported.  My teenager thinks our 20-30 minute drive to everything is a little annoying, but at the same time, within a short drive, there is tons to do.  We're never lacking for family activities, and we can be in major cities within a couple of hours.  Cows and frogs provide the soundtrack to the evenings, and mountains are the constant backdrop.  State parks and historic sites are in abundance.  Maybe it's because I grew up in a similar area, but this is the first place that I've lived that really feels like home (aside from the college town -- we could pretty happily live just outside of it, I think -- well, we're only two hours from there now anyway).  I'm really glad my children have been able to grow up here.

 

(I will say talk to me again in February when I'm totally over stomping across the frozen tundra in the dark to haul groceries, since I have no garage, and when DH is over feeding the outdoor furnace, or when I'm sweating and miserable because the window unit doesn't quite cool a kitchen well, and I may tell you a different story.  But those times are blessedly short, and I remind myself that I'm not paying to cool my upstairs bedrooms to a tolerable level while the family room is frigid because one AC unit isn't terribly efficient in a split-level house, like our previous one was.  And because everything's a drive, we only do those activities that are really, really worth the time/money/energy, and so we have plenty of time at home as a family.  We tend to be big homebodies, mostly introverts, and we tend to enjoy crafty sorts of hobbies, so being at home is not a problem.  None of the drawbacks outweigh the things I like about living here.  It'll be ten years in a few months, and I hope never to have to live anywhere else.)

[MEmama]

I grew up in Northern California but never felt at home there. I escaped as soon as I could and headed east. I've lived all over the country, but Maine is where my heart is. There isn't a single day that I don't feel utterly grateful to be here. I know we might not always get to call this home, but I suspect it will always be in my heart.

[TranquilMind]

Home for me has to do with location, not people exactly.  I'm not a suburbanite.  I'm not a city gal.  I'm happy in a small town, where I can walk everywhere, people know each other, and there are the basic amenities: library, grocery, takeout, etc.  Fact is, we're looking for Stars Hollow. :p  Dh may have found it but we'll be giving it a year to see how it fits before looking for a different place if needed.

 

I grew up in a place like this.  I would love to find it.

 

Did anyone see the movie McFarland USA?  It felt like that, and that is exactly what the coach's wife said.  That nowhere had ever felt more like home. 

[Janie Grace]

Hills, hardwood trees, plenty of green. A town with really good food nearby. 

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 5, 2016 by cathey

[Kalmia]

Home for me has to do with location, not people exactly.  I'm not a suburbanite.  I'm not a city gal.  I'm happy in a small town, where I can walk everywhere, people know each other, and there are the basic amenities: library, grocery, takeout, etc.  Fact is, we're looking for Stars Hollow. :p  Dh may have found it but we'll be giving it a year to see how it fits before looking for a different place if needed.

 

Just saw in my facebook feed that Stars Hollow is based on Washington, CT. So there you go!

 

http://www.npr.org/2016/10/22/498745463/ahead-of-revival-gilmore-girls-fans-descend-on-the-real-stars-hollow?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=2048

[HomeAgain]

Just saw in my facebook feed that Stars Hollow is based on Washington, CT. So there you go!

 

http://www.npr.org/2016/10/22/498745463/ahead-of-revival-gilmore-girls-fans-descend-on-the-real-stars-hollow?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=2048

That is near the region we're moving to. :) Different state, but I'm hoping to find similar.

[Spryte]

I can feel at home almost anywhere if DH is there.

 

But there is something about smelling green chile roasting in the fall really does add something.

[prairiewindmomma]

I would also like to live in Seaside. Maybe we can be neighbors, Anne!!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I would move to SD in a heartbeat.

 

The West is home. The midwest is where I live.

[DawnM]

I would move back to SoCal in a hot second if I could.  

 

I grew up overseas.  It isn't easy to go back to and isn't the same AT ALL.  My parents were Ex Pats/Missionaries and so it was a very transient society.

 

But as an adult, I moved to California and immediately felt like it was where I was meant to be.

 

Unfortunately, I married someone whose heart wasn't into living there.  We lived there over years married and he still wanted to move.   So I reluctantly agreed and here we are, 11 years later, in NC, stuck forever.  It isn't home.  I just isn't.  I make the best of it, but it isn't home.

[wendy not in HI]

We are a military family, and I find that my attitude affects the whole house, so I do my best to love our home, where ever we are. I have fond memories of every place we have lived. We have been lucky enough to live three times in the same small town in South Dakota, we just moved back here this summer - it feels like home to me, but I know we will only be here a short time. Eventually my dh will retire and I'm keeping my options wide open - I don't want to have my heart set on a certain place and then be disappointed. Home is with family.

[nd293]

Anywhere we are is home. We've lived in 3 very different countries and in houses I loved and houses where I was miserable in, but every house and every country was home when we were there. We make our life in the present. That said, we've always lived in a coastal city and it would feel very odd not to be near water of some kind (ocean or big river).

 

On a lighter note, an immigrant friend said she only felt happy in Australia after her first visit home to Sourh Africa. I've made the same move so I sympathetically asked if it made her realise how safe and easy life in Australia is by comparison. "Oh no," she replied, "my husband had to do his own cleaning and ironing while I was away, so he hired a cleaning lady." 😄 What makes a place feel like home is different for everyone!

Edited October 24, 2016 by nd293

[ktgrok]

I adjust pretty quickly in some ways, but in others, no. Orlando doesn't feel like home to me. Where I grew up does, but it has changed so much...so it isn't home anymore either. I think I'm homesick for a place I've never been. And may never go, since we want to stay near family. 

[regentrude]

My home town in Germany feels like home. I grew up there and lived there for 30 years, and my family are all there, and lots of old friends.

Moving was rough. It took me about ten years for this place to feel like home.

I lived in different places. Some I really loved, but they did not feel "home", more like an extended glorious vacation. I'd love to live in Oregon again.

Edited October 24, 2016 by regentrude

[eternalsummer]

We lived in Missouri, and I Did Not Like It.

 

So we moved out here (to Colorado Springs), which we did like, very much.  There are still a lot of things I like about it - military, beautiful place, conservative on the whole, clean water, the mountains, etc.

 

But when I go back to visit our previous city (where my mother still lives), everything is just so comfortable and easy and secure.  I know how to navigate the grocery stores- not just where things are, but how to move my cart so as not to hit people.  It seems like I'm always hitting people in Colorado.  I know what kind of small talk to make with the grocery clerks; here I am always making the wrong small talk, it feels like. 

 

Anyway, we are moving again, to Springfield, MO, I think, and I think that will be a good combination of the two - clean water, pretty environment, conservative town, but maybe a bit more midwestern so I fit in better.

 

 

OP, I know exactly what you mean about finding a place and about Nebraska/SD/Indiana.  I have not been to Nebraska but I can see how it might be more midwestern than mountain western.  CO is definitely mountain western, and it is culturally different from the midwest.

 

 

Personally I would be most at home in the environment of Texas Hill Country, but I don't think DH would be willing to live there (and I don't know if I'd be okay with the culture, either - it's been 20 years!)

[eternalsummer]

We wanted to move to Oregon but alas the water is not clean.  I'd love to live near the ocean again - I lived on the coast my first 5-8 years or so (coastal TX).  I just can't find a place that is on the coast, not in the south (Missouri is as far into the Confederacy as DH is willing to live), and has clean water.

[Loowit]

I live about 20 miles from where I grew up.  We live near family and it feels like home, although we are too close in to town for my liking.  I would rather have a house in a more rural area, but the pacific northwest will always be my home.  I like being close to the mountains and the ocean and family/friends close by and all the green and trees.  I can't imagine living anywhere else.

[Janeway]

I asked my husband and he said Boulder felt like home to him, but he thinks it has changed too much now and would not be the same. He also says he would love to return to England.

Edited October 24, 2016 by Janeway

[eternalsummer]

It is very very liberal.  (not sure if that matters, but it would be different than SD for sure!)

[elegantlion]

I've never felt at home in any city. Where I live now is close, but once I'm out of school that will change as my entire social sphere will change. I dislike the weather, certain things about the culture, and the landscape if fairly boring compared to other places.

[hjffkj]

Home is where my family, extended included, is. We both have big families and we see them very regularly. I see most of my siblings and parents at least once a week. I see dh's mom and sisters at least once a week. If we didn't have that our lives would be so different but in a bad way. So anywhere we move to in this area will be home but if we ever move outside of say a 20 to 30 minute drive of these family members I wouldn't be able to feel like I was at home.

[Tap]

I have lived in my current home for 16 years. When I think back to when we home schooled and the kids were elementary/middle school aged, I feel at home here.  Back when the economy was good and we had financial security and plans for the future. 

 

The past 10 years have eroded that and it no longer feels like home.  Life changes and family dynamics just leave me feeling unsettled.   It is the only home my older kids really remember so it is all they know.  A major part of the change, is having a special needs daughter and all the destruction to our home she has caused.  When you walk down the hallway and see holes in walls and doors, mismatched furniture (she has broken some), broken down couch (don't want to replace because she will break the new one too) and bare walls in the main living area (she throws things), it makes the house feel sad and broken. It gets really tiresome fixing, painting, repairing just to have it ruined the next week again.  

 

 

[TranquilMind]

I have lived in my current home for 16 years. When I think back to when we home schooled and the kids were elementary/middle school aged, I feel at home here.  Back when the economy was good and we had financial security and plans for the future. 

 

The past 10 years have eroded that and it no longer feels like home.  Life changes and family dynamics just leave me feeling unsettled.   It is the only home my older kids really remember so it is all they know.  A major part of the change, is having a special needs daughter and all the destruction to our home she has caused.  When you walk down the hallway and see holes in walls and doors, mismatched furniture (she has broken some), broken down couch (don't want to replace because she will break the new one too) and bare walls in the main living area (she throws things), it makes the house feel sad and broken. It gets really tiresome fixing, painting, repairing just to have it ruined the next week again.  

 

Aww, I'm sorry, and pray better days are on the way. 

 

[MistyMountain]

The place I am now no longer feels like home. I liked it when the kids were little. I love some if the things we can experience here but I never wanted this to be a permanent location. It very isolating, expensive and I prefer 4 seasons. I have less friends now then when my kids were little. Some moved away and others just got busy. The local school system is driving me crazy. I do not consider the place I grew up home either. I did not have a bad childhood but I do not fit in at all where I grew up. It has nothing to do with politics because politically I fit in better there but I am on a different wavelength then how people think. It is very materialistic and people care about things like brands of clothing there.

 

I am not crazy about suburbs. I could live in a city or small town but it really depends on how it is set up. I do not like a lot of traffic or sprawl. I like walkable friendly neighborhoods that are mixed use. That sort of thing just is not common though. I could see myself living in parts of PA or NY state where we are closer to family and can drive to see them. I like

Ithaca NY. I could also maybe see parts of VA or NC. I like VT a lot and NH too but I think I might want something a little warmer at least for a little bit. It would all depend on where jobs are though if we finally do get to move.

[kroe1]

You described a small town in Kentucky. Start your research there would be my advice.

[LucyStoner]

I moved a lot as a child. Home is where the people who matter to me are. My husband and my sons obviously, but also our community of friends.