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Any big family mamas out there who could offer some advise?


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I'm struggling I'm wondering if there are some other women with a bunch of children that could give me some pointers on how to manage my family so that I can get enough schooling done in a day to not get further behind. I frequent these boards because so many of you have high expectations for your children and I aspire to as well but the reality of my situation is making it hard for me to actually get the work done that we need to do so that my dc can get a decent education before they graduate into the real world. Maybe we could have discussion together on this sub-board: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/forum/238-traditional-large-family-logistics/ . I'll start a thread there. It seems rather dead so I wanted to get attention by posting here.

 

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My DH was the oldest of 9 and I know they did a lot of workbooks until the younger 2 were left and they did Sunlight together in mid-to-late high school. As far as rigor, idk. DH was a NMS, and the second to last is a voracious reader and I'm sure much of his education came from that. None of his siblings.received sloppy educations by any stretch and they are all good writers, but what she did in the 80s and 90s would not be considered a rigorous education on these boards.

 

Looking at your ages, your 13yos it seems should be daily independent. My almost 12yo is fairly independent and I conference with her on subjects several times a week. Otherwise I nag a lot to.keep her focused on her work. ;)

 

With your kids ages, you may need to focus on good foundation skills with the 5yo and then schedule certain times to go over the 13yos work. Just some thoughts.

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I'm struggling I'm wondering if there are some other women with a bunch of children that could give me some pointers on how to manage my family so that I can get enough schooling done in a day to not get further behind. I frequent these boards because so many of you have high expectations for your children and I aspire to as well but the reality of my situation is making it hard for me to actually get the work done that we need to do so that my dc can get a decent education before they graduate into the real world. Maybe we could have discussion together on this sub-board: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/forum/238-traditional-large-family-logistics/ . I'll start a thread there. It seems rather dead so I wanted to get attention by posting here.

Hi there. Glad you posted. I also have 7 kids, and it's definitely a challenge! I attempted to join the group, but I'm not approved yet. I think I'd say my most basic advice is

1. focusing on the oldest getting their educational fundamentals

2. making a flexible but firm schedule for your days

3. finding curriculum which allows you to combine your kids for certain subjects, specifically the content subjects, rather than the skills subjects. You cannot combine kids across 3 grade levels for reading or math, but you can for science and history. More later!

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I have 12 children, 9-27 years old. All were homeschooled all the way through. Eight have graduated and are thriving, every one of them, by God's grace.  I do know it's difficult. Some years felt crazy, but I have wonderful memories from them and wouldn't have done it differently for the world. Hang in there! I'm just going to list my favorite encouraging resources for homeschooling a large family.

 

Managers of Their Homes was a lifesaver for us. If you decide to get that book, don't be tempted to go straight to the back to look at the schedules. Take the time to read through the beginning in which she explains the philosophy behind the schedules. The schedules are not meant to be your taskmaster, but rather a tool that facilitates structure, routine, and stability. If ever we tried functioning without a schedule, my older children would beg me to make a new one. 

 

Anything you can find by Cindy Rollins is exceedingly worthwhile, including her new book Mere Motherhood and her podcast "The Mason Jar" on the Circe website. One of the best things we did was something similar to her morning time idea. (This was years before I had heard of Cindy, but she explains the idea better and fleshes it out better than I ever could have.) I laughed and cried through her book as I gulped the whole thing down within hours of its arrival in my mailbox.

 

The podcasts and articles at Center for Lit are encouraging and inspiring. The Pelican Society is worth joining for the Office Hours talks with Missy and Adam Andrews. I especially like the one about Multi-Age Teaching. They really understand the challenges of homeschooling a large family and address them with grace.

 

This is not a resource, but a piece of advice I got years ago from a cassette tape by Joyce Swann. I doubt it's even available anymore, and I listened to it so many years ago that this is only my loose paraphrase from what I remember and what I took away from it. When you homeschool a large family, you have to consider that your vocation (your calling, from the Latin vocare - to call.) You have to treat it as a full-time job with regular, non-negotiable hours that you get up for every morning and get to on time. Decide what your school hours are and don't let other things interfere (including appointments, outside ministries, daytime ladies' Bible studies, phone calls, hobbies, super tidy house, co-ops, play dates, etc.) It's only for a season and you won't regret it.

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This is not a resource, but a piece of advice I got years ago from a cassette tape by Joyce Swann. I doubt it's even available anymore, and I listened to it so many years ago that this is only my loose paraphrase from what I remember and what I took away from it. When you homeschool a large family, you have to consider that your vocation (your calling, from the Latin vocare - to call.) You have to treat it as a full-time job with regular, non-negotiable hours that you get up for every morning and get to on time. Decide what your school hours are and don't let other things interfere (including appointments, outside ministries, daytime ladies' Bible studies, phone calls, hobbies, super tidy house, co-ops, play dates, etc.) It's only for a season and you won't regret it.

 

This is so important!  When I read the op's post yesterday, I was trying to phrase a similar thought but couldn't get it to come out right and gave up!   I struggled with being happy in homeschooling for years until I realized that it had to be the priority.  That if we were going to be successful homeschoolers with a large family, I had to make sure it was the priority!  

 

Homeschooling with a lot of littles means that you are going to have tough, long days and that you're going to have to be very creative in keeping everything going.  The key for us was routine so that everyone, even the toddlers, knew what was going to happen each day and in what order.  It helps  me stay on track and helps them not to be surprised.  

 

Checklists for daily work for the olders and for me were also life-savers.  That way there were no surprises.  When the checklist was done, school was done for all of us, until then, it was school time.  I tried to foster the idea that we were a team (including babies and toddlers) to make our school a success for everyone.  Olders, youngers, me, we were all working to make sure our school was a success.

 

High chairs for the toddlers keep them in one place while you do a quick reading lesson (even 10-15 minutes) with the 5 year old.  A video for the youngers while you work on math with an older having trouble.   Playdough doesn't make much of a mess if on a high chair tray.  Even fruit loops or cheerios can keep them occupied for a bit.  Or just a box of toys that only comes out at that one time a day might give you enough of a quiet time to get the math and reading in for your five year old.

 

It won't work perfectly probably any day but if you keep plugging along you will see that you'll make progress.

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We have 9 dc.  Our oldest dd is an adult, 8 are school aged.  I have always used WTM as a jumping off point and have found it to be a very practical resource, however no one can do it all.  While I do read and re-read it every year, we have found what works for our family.  It is better to find an imperfect curricula or way to school that works and "gets the job done" vs a perfect one that doesn't.  We've done eclectic, MFW, VP, workboxes, and Homeschooling Journals.  Right now what is working for our family is textbooks.  I never thought I would be one of those homeschoolers, but literally this is the first year that everything is getting done.  It may just be for a season, and I am certainly not saying it is the only way or even the best way, but it *is* getting school done for us and the children are enjoying it.  I went through each textbook in the summer and scheduled out how many pages per week we would need to finish in order to complete the textbooks with wiggle room for field trips and free days. Now there is no scheduling for me, I just pick up and go. We have also implemented an idea we found on this board, fine art Fridays.  It gives the children a lighter Friday and allows us to add in art projects and music.  

 

When my children were your children's ages I often took them on errands with me, so we only schooled 4 days per week.  If we tried to school and run errands I turned into not-fun-momma.  We even had a season where errands happened one week and deeper housecleaning the next.  

 

I agree with the PP who paraphrased Mrs. Swan.  Definitely treat it like a job and keep school hours, remembering of course, you are schooling children, so flexibility is the key.  Interruptions will happen!  Also, have a cut off time.  If you plan to only school until noon or 1, then put up the books and move on with life.  Math will be there tomorrow!  If you need to schedule educational videos for part of school, then do it and don't feel guilty!!  If your dh is home in the evenings have him read some of the scheduled books for bedtime read alouds.  

 

You have 5 children 5 and under.  That is busy!!  If you can have your 13 year olds read a variety of books and find a self-teaching math curricula a lot of your schooling time can be spent discussing their readings with them while managing toddlers.  For your toddlers google tot trays or work boxes.  They are lifesavers!  I used to set my toddlers down at the table with an activity like play dough or puzzles with a 15 minute timer and have them switch activities when the timer sounded.  I would repeat this for 3-5 activities buying me a little one-on-one time with the older children while keeping the toddlers entertained.  

Edited by Excelsior! Academy
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Posting here just to follow the other threads...didn't visit the sub board.

 

We have eleven children, twelve and under.  Seven are school age.

 

I could type for hours, but here are a couple of the highlights:

 

1. Pray daily for direction and blessing on your school.  You will not be able to do this alone.

 

2. Speaking of alone, you need time with your husband.  It may be hard to fit this into the budget, but whether it's friends, family, or a sitter, you need to get away and spend time on the most important earthly relationship you have.  As Heidi St. John says, don't sacrifice your marriage on the altar of homeschool.

 

3. This may sound counter-intuitive, but to keep going strong, schedule some time in the day where no school gets done.  The children either rest or play quietly (no electronics).  The intent is for you to have some book, laptop, or nap time.  4

 

4. Can your husband help with some administrative duties?  Or teach some subjects?  Or be the primary paper-grader?  We tag team this whole endeavor and couldn't make it without this partnership.

 

5. Find some curricula that allow you to combine multiple ages on one subject.  Plenty of options are out there.

 

6. Focus on the true core subjects and cut out the extras. If you are able to find any of Christopher Perrin's teaching on "Multum non Multa," you would benefit from this.  There is a good YouTube video if I remember correctly.  In essence, littles only REALLY need reading, penmanship, mathematics, and a form of grammar (either Latin or English).  Everything else can wait.

 

Best of luck!

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I'm appreciating this thread a lot. I suppose some of my anxiety has just been coming from the fact that I don't know anyone who has ever done this job well and some days it just seems impossible! Today we did well for us though and the baby was even sick. Now if I can just keep this up...

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RoseM, I don't have any great advice for you, other than just to keep persevering and do what you can, but I do understand. I'm teaching ninth, sixth, second, and kindergarten, plus attempting to keep my three-year-old busy, and baby number six is due in a few months. It is hard just to find time for everything. My kids help around the house and with the small ones, but there's only so much I'm willing to put on them for multiple reasons.

 

I do have my big two mostly independent, and chose materials that allow for that, but they still need me for some things. My second grader has limited independent work, and I combine him and my Ker for some things, but they both need individual time for skill subjects. I do a lot with one of them on each side of me, while I swivel my head between them. It's hard to find the time for all of the things I need to do for everyone. DH helps, but he's gone twelve hours a day.

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This may sound counter-intuitive, but to keep going strong, schedule some time in the day where no school gets done. The children either rest or play quietly (no electronics). The intent is for you to have some book, laptop, or nap time.

 

!

I love this! We can sometimes talk so much about how to schedule things in but we rarely talk about scheduling things out. It's a great idea because I often find if we give ourselves all day to do something then it will take all day, but we can fit it into a smaller time frame if that is all we have. So, I'm trying to put a cap on our day - work hard at work time but have a stopping time - so that there is time for other activities and skills the kids want to develop in.

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I'm struggling I'm wondering if there are some other women with a bunch of children that could give me some pointers on how to manage my family so that I can get enough schooling done in a day to not get further behind. I frequent these boards because so many of you have high expectations for your children and I aspire to as well but the reality of my situation is making it hard for me to actually get the work done that we need to do so that my dc can get a decent education before they graduate into the real world. Maybe we could have discussion together on this sub-board: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/forum/238-traditional-large-family-logistics/ . I'll start a thread there. It seems rather dead so I wanted to get attention by posting here.

 

 

I don't use the curriculum I WANT to use, I use curriculum that is better situated to a million children and "do the next thing" philosophy because at least then it gets done.

Focus on the big kids.  LIttle kids? They need to learn to read and be made to read... persuasively.  For example, we allow kids who can read to stay up at naptime and read.  We allow kids who can read a reading light so they can stay up late and read at night.  It's actually pretty persuasive, the whole, "I'm a big kid" thing.  That will add about 3 hours to their daily reading.  I pick reading.  I pick because I choose BELOW their reading level and according to interest until they are older.  Then they are guided, by me or by an older sib according to time period, interest, or whimsy.

 

Do not be tricked into spending an incredible amount of teaching time on the 6yo.  If she spends time outside, spends time listening to you read to olders, and spends circle time as well as 15 minutes a day of reading instruction - it's plenty good enough.  Do not be guised into spending that time on them instead of the 13 year olds.  Those middle school kids NEED foundations laid so that they can succeed in high school. 

 

It is tempting to clean in the AM.  Who doesn't want a clean house? I sure do.  The catch?  IF you're at all like me, it is the beginning of being sidetracked and spending the entire day cleaning something somewhere.  Don't do it.  

 

Currently my house looks like crap.  I promise - it WAS clean yesterday.  Such is life.  It'll be clean today but not until after naptime.  Just saying.

 

I have let go of perfect meals.

 

 

Laundry.  We wash all day long.  At the end of the afternoon we are left with an enormous pile of clean laundry BUT it's clean.  I consider that a win, not a loss.  

Do you have a dishwasher?  I consider the dishwasher and washing machine my modern day maids.  Those girls do NOT get time off.  Keep 'em working.

 

Which curriculum have I found worthy of my time?

IEW

Saxon

Rod & Staff

 

My oldest kids, so far, have been very successful at college.  Frankly, if they have their Readin', 'Ritin' and 'Rithmetic down, they are solid.  My second is also moderately dyslexic (professionally diagnosed) and severely dysgraphic.  He has been *very* academically successful so far. (CC - second year, age 17.)

 

Time is definitely a struggle.

No one does everything.

No one is perfect.

No one  solution fits every family.

 

I have heard, "I wish I could pull off what you do."

And ******I***** have thought, "Man, I wish I was so much more like her.... And her, and her, and her...."  It's so easy to think everyone has it figured out but you and the truth is someone is thinking that about you too, lol.

 

As an aside I personally think massive amounts of boardgames and card playing has probably done as much for my kids as a lot of curriculum.  I wish I was kidding.

And making time to read aloud has the MOST value in my household academically.

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I'm appreciating this thread a lot. I suppose some of my anxiety has just been coming from the fact that I don't know anyone who has ever done this job well and some days it just seems impossible! Today we did well for us though and the baby was even sick. Now if I can just keep this up...

 

Allow yourself some grace too.

 

After sixteen years at this game, I can promise you, you cannot keep this up.  Not everyday.  And that's okay - because we can have that day (or days) that hit where the baby is having a million poopy diapers, the toddler is puking, the 5yo is obstinate, the 10yo has forgotten everything she's learned since the beginning of life, and the 13yo is rethinking marriage and children, all on the same day, and STILL pick up the next day and have sanity or at least less crazy.

 

We all have those days.

We also have all the days where we have it together - we are the poster moms for large families and we think, "Man, I got this DOWN! Now it's up to me to just maintain."  Then we get so discouraged by the lack of ability.  There is so much value in recognizing the ebb and flow of good days and hard days and knowing that one is often followed by the other.  There is value in just buckling down and also value in saying, "Mama quits today.  Let's go explore that park stream," and then singing your hearts out in worship in the van on the way to the park.  KWIM?  :D

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I don't use the curriculum I WANT to use, I use curriculum that is better situated to a million children and "do the next thing" philosophy because at least then it gets done.

Focus on the big kids. LIttle kids? They need to learn to read and be made to read... persuasively. For example, we allow kids who can read to stay up at naptime and read. We allow kids who can read a reading light so they can stay up late and read at night. It's actually pretty persuasive, the whole, "I'm a big kid" thing. That will add about 3 hours to their daily reading. I pick reading. I pick because I choose BELOW their reading level and according to interest until they are older. Then they are guided, by me or by an older sib according to time period, interest, or whimsy.

 

Do not be tricked into spending an incredible amount of teaching time on the 6yo. If she spends time outside, spends time listening to you read to olders, and spends circle time as well as 15 minutes a day of reading instruction - it's plenty good enough. Do not be guised into spending that time on them instead of the 13 year olds. Those middle school kids NEED foundations laid so that they can succeed in high school.

 

It is tempting to clean in the AM. Who doesn't want a clean house? I sure do. The catch? IF you're at all like me, it is the beginning of being sidetracked and spending the entire day cleaning something somewhere. Don't do it.

 

Currently my house looks like crap. I promise - it WAS clean yesterday. Such is life. It'll be clean today but not until after naptime. Just saying.

 

I have let go of perfect meals.

 

 

Laundry. We wash all day long. At the end of the afternoon we are left with an enormous pile of clean laundry BUT it's clean. I consider that a win, not a loss.

Do you have a dishwasher? I consider the dishwasher and washing machine my modern day maids. Those girls do NOT get time off. Keep 'em working.

 

Which curriculum have I found worthy of my time?

IEW

Saxon

Rod & Staff

 

My oldest kids, so far, have been very successful at college. Frankly, if they have their Readin', 'Ritin' and 'Rithmetic down, they are solid. My second is also moderately dyslexic (professionally diagnosed) and severely dysgraphic. He has been *very* academically successful so far. (CC - second year, age 17.)

 

Time is definitely a struggle.

No one does everything.

No one is perfect.

No one solution fits every family.

 

I have heard, "I wish I could pull off what you do."

And ******I***** have thought, "Man, I wish I was so much more like her.... And her, and her, and her...." It's so easy to think everyone has it figured out but you and the truth is someone is thinking that about you too, lol.

 

As an aside I personally think massive amounts of boardgames and card playing has probably done as much for my kids as a lot of curriculum. I wish I was kidding.

And making time to read aloud has the MOST value in my household academically.

Love this whole post!
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Just throwing out there that we have loved audio books for the younger elementary. I set them up with some Legos while the older ones read in another room and I nap. I'm on my phone and not good at links, but search for Ambleside recordings on Librivox. (we don't even use AO, it's just a good list divided by ages) I'm amazed at what all my 2 youngest have listened to this year.

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Dunno. When I figure this homeschooling-with-five-kids thing out, I'll let you know. I'm on my 11th year & am definitely still feeling my way around.

 

 

You know what's so funny?

 

I had very confident years early on.

I stumbled some in the last two years and did have graceless moments of, "We need to send the children to school for all of our sanity."

 

This year?  I feel so relaxed and good again.

 

But I can't put my finger on why... Grace of God passes all understanding, eh?

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Could we explore this further?  I think I'll start a new thread.

 

Kelly has the best ideas--well, and the most experience. So, I echo everything she says.

 

When my youngest was small and didn't get along great with the next oldest, PBS saved our school.  We use screens pretty minimally--but, wow!, this was the best decision I made. They watched Cat in the Hat and Peg plus Cat and learned SO much.  For years, they'd know things and say--oh, I learned that on P + C or Cat. . . .  I could work with the older 2 in peace.

 

We moved on from that to  the youngest listening to audio books. Seriously, my extroverted, very active 7 year old will spend hours listening to her tapes.  She has a wonderful vocabulary now. And I feel less guilty that I haven't read to her quite as often and for as many hours as I did the older 2.

 

(Which brings up guilt--don't succumb. Figure out solutions for the year (or month) you are in.  Each season won't last forever)

 

With regard to curriculum and the quote above.  Yes, you do sometimes have to compromise here.  If a great curriculum is completely stressing you out, it won't be great for the family.  Particularly if it's not getting done.  Examples from our house:

1. We switched to Tapestry of Grace from Sonlight bc it combined all the kids. It also has less reading out loud to the older kids. I do like a lot about TOG--particularly the discussions--but I do miss Sonlight sometimes.    When I'm able, I bring in Sonlight books for my younger ones. I read out loud when I can. When I'm not able each week is laid out for me to do. And we are able to do it with another family so my friend plans activities while I lead discussions.  Social time and things off my plate.

2. My middle two switched from hands on /literature based science to an ABeka text  book. We are not even Young Earth believers.  I've said this other places, but this was the best decision I ever made. These two actually prefered the textbook, science got done, they did the activities when they felt like it and both actually talked about science for the first tiime EVER.

3. I switched to Saxon for my second instead of doing the less homeschool friendly texts my older one did in middle school.  I was an avowed Saxon hater (had turned it down as a teacher on a selection committee).  But, it was awesome for this dd. And SO easy--no tests to make, straight forward. Excellent decision.

 

I know there are other choices I've made.  I try to keep things I enjoy (like reading at least one novel out loud). I keep up an intense spelling program b/c of the dyslexia in my family.  But sometimes I make other subjects (like Science) less perfect than I want, but more doable for me.

 

Other years, I might make different decisions.  (For instance, it is several years now since I switched the middle two to textbooks. They both use Prentice Hall now.  And I have enough energy to run a science club for the youngest where, yes, we are back to living books and hands on science.:-) )

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I am homeschooling 8 this year, plus my baby is 3 and I teach her some preschool. It definitely changes once high school is in the equation. I spent many years choosing curriculum based on what would work in that year's season. I still do this.

 

Persevere. Through thick and thin. Love. Build a culture of excellence, diligence, and eager learning.

 

I start to "outsource" in tenth grade. (So far). This has been really good for us.

 

At the end of the day, in this house, it is all grace. Grace and love and building relationships each child, each year at a time.

 

You are not alone and you can do it!

 

-Rebecca

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I don't use the curriculum I WANT to use, I use curriculum that is better situated to a million children and "do the next thing" philosophy because at least then it gets done.

 

Could we explore this further?  I think I'll start a new thread.

 

I don't know if you started another thread or not, Keri. I didn't see it. I agree with Kelly that this a fantastic survival strategy, but I have one little caveat below. Our most intense year was the year I was teaching nine kids in K-12 and had a baby and a toddler. We had sent our eldest dd off to college and had quickly realized that she had been a major impetus keeping us afloat (a humbling realization!) I started out that year with some newer, more interesting curriculum and before long realized we were sinking like the Titanic. I had to go back to what I knew we could do, not what we wanted to do, for the basics (like Kelly, that was Rod and Staff and IEW -- also Apologia for science.)

 

However, I almost lost all joy in homeschooling that year, and finding joy in it is one of the main things that has kept me going. So my one caveat to running with this plan is: Pick one subject that you love and follow your whims in that one subject. Homeschooling a multitude is intense and exhausting. If I can have just one subject that sparks my fancy, I am better able to handle the long haul. (For me, that's literature; my degree is in English Lit.) It keeps me interested and inspired and gives the kids a chance to see the joy of lifelong education.

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