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How would you handle this ? Social phobia quirk


poppy
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My daughter is 8. She has social communication disorder and pretty severe social anxiety .

 

We have a frequent issue and I'm at my wits end.

 

When I am out with her 1:1 or with family or with someone she knows, she is fine- lovely - delightful .

 

When I am out with her, 1:1, and I run into another adult that I need to chat with, she freaks out. Within 5 seconds she is gobbling or meowing or doing splits or twirling.

 

It is so rude.

 

I get she is signaling discomfort . She honestly doesn't seem to have a way to control herself. She is not having fun. I think it is a compulsion, really.

 

It is not entirely new but it has spiked this year now that we are homeschooling .

 

We've tried a lot. I've asked just be calm for a few minutes when I make a certain signal. I've suggested she daydream or make mental lists. I've warned her ahead of time ('there is Nancy ahead , I need to talk to her for a few minutes'). I've tried punishing by taking away screen time. She really resists that , spirals down for hours. But next time the same situation comes up she forgets and is gobbling again.

 

What else can I try? I am embarrassed by this , and I worry about her future.

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What is the function of the behavior?  Stop That Seemingly Senseless Behavior!: FBA-based Interventions for People with Autism (Topics in Autism)  Your usual functions to look for are attention, access, avoidance, and self-reinforcing.  When my ds does that, he wants attention because he wants us to leave.

 

You could ask whether her SCD diagnosis now has enough things going on to bump up to ASD and give you access to ABA.  That's the crumball thing about the new SCD, that it's not giving you access but it's basically there.

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I think that, first, you need to separate out your embarrassment from her behavior. The embarrassment is yours, your dd has no control over it. It basically needs to be taken out of the equation when determining the best way for you to respond.

 

I would also stop labeling the behavior as rude. She is not intending to be rude. She is trying to meet some need, to find some level of comfort herself.

 

Once you've let go of those, then you can start to consider what might be triggering these reaction, what their purpose is (as OhElizabeth mentioned) and work with your dd to maybe find more appropriate ways to manage her discomfort.

 

Could she maybe have a fidget item of some kind to pull out when you run into someone? A book she could pull out to read? Headphones to turn on some music or an audio book?

 

You've already recognized that punishment/consequences don't have any positive effect, so you know not to go that route.

Edited by maize
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How about giving her your phone or other gadget so she can play a game while you chat?

 

When my kids have acted inappropriate for their ages around other adults, I usually say some version of "we're working on it."  Some things just take longer for some kids.

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Oh, here's another way to think about things: when your dd behaves in certain ways in front of other people, you experience a degree of social discomfort and anxiety (embarrassment); you try to address that discomfort--maybe by attempting to get your daughter to change her behavior.

 

What your dd is doing is essentially the same. When the two of you are out and you encounter a third person, your dd experiences some degree of social discomfort and anxiety. She tried to address that discomfort by engaging in activities that may soothe or distract her, or maybe draw your attention to her, or perhaps cut the encounter short.

 

What she is experiencing and attempting to do--soothe her own discomfort--is not very different from what you yourself experience.

 

Her reactions might not make sense to you, but that doesn't mean they are naughty or are not valid attempts to solve a problem she is experiencing.

Edited by maize
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I get that a lot of this is my issue , not hers . I have some OCD myself and I know this isn't a choice on her part. And --honestly I only ever run into other homeschool moms, so they should maybe get it (as opposed to childless / elderly folks out of the trenches).

 

But It can't continue; I need a solution . I worry about how this will play out over the coming tween , teen years. She liked to yank on my arm and do exaggerated back bends - she is strong .

 

 

I have essentially been treating her / thinking of her as 2-3 years younger than she is physically. If it was 'she'll get there on her own time ' I could deal. But her challenges

are accelerating, not smoothing out . My goodness this is hard.

 

I already let her bring a book or audiobook into restaurants and stores. I don't know if handing her a toy or book will work as a quick fix but I will definitely try.

 

I appreciate all the replies - thank you.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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I don't agree it's not a CHOICE.  There's nothing in ABA or anything else that says this is not a choice.  The thing is, to make a BETTER choice, she has to have a lot more support and options.  But to say oh she's just a victim of her poor neurology, that's where we were with my ds before ABA.  I thought he just couldn't do better.  The behaviorist walked in, and when he was hitting on me (very similar to your situation, attention-seeking behavior, only his is physically aggressive), she looks at him and very quietly says "Are you making a good choice?"  And I'm thinking you don't understand, he can't make a choice, he's a victim of this horrible diagnosis he has!

 

It was a real shifting point for us to realize it is a choice, that he can make better choices, but he has to have a lot of support to KNOW the choices and be ABLE to make better choices.  But a choice it is, absolutely.  It's just that right now she can't help herself make a better choice.

 

Don't be a victim.  Get ABA.

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I totally agree with you on them functioning 2-3 years younger.  If you want something fascinating though, ABA has bumped that on my ds.  Like he still, developmentally, is functioning about 2 years younger.  But as far as how he presents, what he can handle, it has been such a BIG LEAP.  People comment on it, a LOT.

 

People don't like when you slam their labels, but I'm just looking at this and so frustrated for you.  They pulled this SCD thing out of thin air.  It's ASD-1.  They whip out this controversial, disputed, never before used label, start slapping it on kids, and go OH BY THE WAY you therefore don't QUALIFY for access to services.   :glare:  To me that sucks.  To me, you're saying the same things we were saying, but we got an ASD label and get access to services and you got labeled SCD and didn't.  

 

Whatever.  I'm really opinionated like that.  But it should make you angry.  You're RIGHT to be angry.  You're saying all the things that SHOULD get you access to ABA and a behaviorist.

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I don't agree it's not a CHOICE.  There's nothing in ABA or anything else that says this is not a choice.  The thing is, to make a BETTER choice, she has to have a lot more support and options.  But to say oh she's just a victim of her poor neurology, that's where we were with my ds before ABA.  I thought he just couldn't do better.  The behaviorist walked in, and when he was hitting on me (very similar to your situation, attention-seeking behavior, only his is physically aggressive), she looks at him and very quietly says "Are you making a good choice?"  And I'm thinking you don't understand, he can't make a choice, he's a victim of this horrible diagnosis he has!

 

It was a real shifting point for us to realize it is a choice, that he can make better choices, but he has to have a lot of support to KNOW the choices and be ABLE to make better choices.  But a choice it is, absolutely.  It's just that right now she can't help herself make a better choice.

 

Don't be a victim.  Get ABA.

 

I agree.

 

I think understanding her behavior is helpful, but it doesn't solve the problem. I think ABA can offer you some alternative behavior that will also make her feel better.

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I guess I would ask why you "have" to talk to that person right then.

 

I relate what you described to when I go to the grocery store with my DH. When I go to the grocery store, it is with a particular task in mind. I want yo get what I need and go home. If I see someone I know, I say Hello and go on my way. My DH treats a trip to the grocery store like a social event. A quick 5 minute stop takes him 30 minutes because he has to stop and visit with everyone that he know, and not just a quick Hello either. If he talks too long, I will tap her m on the shoulder and tell him that I need to get home. I have even pulled out my phone and started playing a game or texting. I sometime avoid running errands with him for that reason. I don't want to spend hours taking to people. I have other stuff I want to do.

 

Does your daughter behave any differently if she knows from the beginning that you are going to xxxxx to talk to xxxx. Could part of the issue be that you stopping to talk is outside of what she thinks is supposed to be happening at that place or time.

 

Can you change your behavior? Could you give a causal greeting and then arrange to call the person later? Do you really have to stop your planned activity to talk to another adult?

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That's a big spread there from stopping to talk to one person for 2-3 minutes (a reasonable amount of time to ask an 8 yo to wait) to taking 30 minutes to do something you had told them would take 5-10.  The latter would be hard for ANY child, with or without a disability.  The former is hard for the child because she has a disability, not because it's unreasonable.  And when the parent has to hold everything she needs to do HOSTAGE to the behaviors of the dc, it's the big clue to bring in help.

 

I'm all for being reasonable.  However there is exceptional help out there.  Waiting is a known issue with spectrum, etc.  It's a BIG DEAL, and it's not her fault and not something where she should have to have no life, no ability to ask her child to wait two minutes while she handles something.  These things happen ALL THE TIME in life.  Could be in the store.  Could be someone comes to your house.  Could be you need to go to the bathroom or are in the shower and you want them to wait a minute or two while you attend to your needs.  Could be a person on the phone.  These are REASONABLE things to want.  And my ds was physically aggressive and having behaviors waiting in ANY of them.  It's not unreasonable for a mom to want the dc to have more tools and more skill at using his tools so that s/he can wait better.  It's not her fault and something she needs to just work around indefinitely, because that's not going to be a workable long-term approach.

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I guess I would ask why you "have" to talk to that person right then.

 

I relate what you described to when I go to the grocery store with my DH. When I go to the grocery store, it is with a particular task in mind. I want yo get what I need and go home. If I see someone I know, I say Hello and go on my way. My DH treats a trip to the grocery store like a social event. A quick 5 minute stop takes him 30 minutes because he has to stop and visit with everyone that he know, and not just a quick Hello either. If he talks too long, I will tap her m on the shoulder and tell him that I need to get home. I have even pulled out my phone and started playing a game or texting. I sometime avoid running errands with him for that reason. I don't want to spend hours taking to people. I have other stuff I want to do.

 

Does your daughter behave any differently if she knows from the beginning that you are going to xxxxx to talk to xxxx. Could part of the issue be that you stopping to talk is outside of what she thinks is supposed to be happening at that place or time.

 

Can you change your behavior? Could you give a causal greeting and then arrange to call the person later? Do you really have to stop your planned activity to talk to another adult?

 

Here is the incident prompted me to post.

 

Another homeschool mom set up a  classes at a farm.

My kid went to the class and had a nice time- I saw her walk out chatting happily with the instructors..

Then she and I toured the farm for a little while, she was in a great mood.

As we were walking to our car, I bumped into the homeschool mom who set up the class -- I stopped to thank her, and  tell her my daughter enjoyed it, asked if her daughter enjoyed it too.

Almost instantly my daughter is jumping, barking, yanking at me, lying on the ground contorting herself.

So I excused myself and we left.

 

Part of this is, she was tired.  Part of this is, she is socially uncomfortable. I get it. But should I really always just hustling to the car? For how many years? I really think we can't go on like this.  Not just because of my social desire to be polite, but, because, my daughter really isn't functional right now.

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Here is the incident prompted me to post.

 

Another homeschool mom set up a  classes at a farm.

My kid went to the class and had a nice time- I saw her walk out chatting happily with the instructors..

Then she and I toured the farm for a little while, she was in a great mood.

As we were walking to our car, I bumped into the homeschool mom who set up the class -- I stopped to thank her, and  tell her my daughter enjoyed it, asked if her daughter enjoyed it too.

Almost instantly my daughter is jumping, barking, yanking at me, lying on the ground contorting herself.

So I excused myself and we left.

 

Part of this is, she was tired.  Part of this is, she is socially uncomfortable. I get it. But should I really always just hustling to the car? For how many years? I really think we can't go on like this.  Not just because of my social desire to be polite, but, because, my daughter really isn't functional right now.

 

This is what I'm talking about.  NO you should not have to put up with it.  NO you are not being unreasaonble.  YES, it can improve.  My ds' has. I can now hold up my finger and ask him to wait a minute or ask him to make a good choice for two minutes, and he can.

 

We're going to Disney next year for a wedding and we're really psyched.  You want to know what Disney gives Disability Access Service passes for?  THIS VERY THING.  The behavior you're describing.  Think about this.  Millions of children go to Disney world locations around the world, and they wait in line for 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes, 120 minutes... Yes, that long!  I've been researching it, and the waits are astonishing.  And MILLIONS OF KIDS do this, with just bubbles, their parent, the distraction of an ice cream cone, and they're FINE.  Nobody gets hurt, the caregiver is not left feeling abused and assaulted, the child did not elope or try to run away, they did not lie on the floor and scream, etc.  Kids without disabilities can wait two minutes and they can wait longer than two minutes.  They might need some supports or entertainment when it's longer, but they CAN.  They have self-regulation tools and they can take perspective and know how they're making other people feel and they CAN DO IT.  

 

Our kids can't.  You put them in that, and kids with social learning disabilities and self-regulation problems are going to get maxed out and they'll drop to the ground, scream, begin jumping on people, begin stimming (doing repetitive behaviors to self-soothe), run away, etc. etc.  My ds is a competitive gymnast and he's super strong.  When my ds becomes aggressive (which is a behavior he has when waiting), it's DANGEROUS!  

 

Disney recognizes this.  Disney has to deal with it in spades, and they KNOW a segment of kids with unseen disabilities have trouble with waiting.  And Disney recognizes it and will let you explain your needs and get a pass.  So WHY are you BLAMING YOURSELF for something that is HER DISABILITY??  This is her problem.  You can get tools to help, but it's intrinsic to her, part of her disability.  It's not because you were mean and wanted to talk to someone for 30 seconds.  It's HER.  And it can improve and change.  And if YOU change everything about your life, it's saying you're the problem instead of saying the disability is.  She has a disability and it needs intervention.

Edited by OhElizabeth
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This is an honest question and not a judgy question.... why did she get diagnosed SCD and not autism?

 

Yanking and animal noises from an 8-year-old might count as a repetitive thing. I think they can be lax in what they count as repetitive compared to what in general people (me) think is meant by repetitive. My son met that criteria without anything I consider to stand out (though he has his moments).

 

If there is really nothing at all in that direction, I think it is different.

 

I also wonder how she does with peers. In context it struck me she came out chatting with adults. At first I thought "chatting = good," but if it is rare or fairly rare for her to chat with peers, it is a different thing. Though chatting with adults is great.

 

I think if it was one time and you were frustrated, or happens once in a while, or is an irritating phase, that is all one thing.

 

If it is all the time and she does not have skills to handle things or chat with peers, that is different.

 

I am also mentioning this. My son is in public school (and not a comparable child overall!!!!).

 

At school the structure is high and he knows what to expect.

 

When it is church or an activity, he does not know what to expect in the same way, and it is much harder for him.

 

You might expect these one-time activities to be more stressful for her, even as they are still good! If you can do things like: tell her a familiar child is going, tell her the schedule, etc, these are things that could make it easier on her.

 

Different mixes of kids are harder on my son than the same kids, too. It is not bad, I just am aware it is harder and maybe something can adjust.

 

I think this is a reason it could be more since homeschooling, especially if many times it is at the end of activities when maybe she has gotten more stressed out.

 

There are a lot of ways to teach skills, work on skills, provide supports, and choose the right balance of good/stressful. A little stress does not make things bad, it can show kids they can do it. Too much stress can be too much.

 

Another thing is she is at an age where kids get more complex. It is common to see kids not keep up and it becomes more of an issue than when younger. Do you think this is a factor? It could

be yes or no.

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ABA handles waiting multiple ways.  When the team is working with ds, what they do is introduce *teeny tiny* amounts of waiting.  They do it really intentionally, and in a very mathematical, controlled way.  And they didn't do it at the beginning.  They worked with him for 6 months before they ever tried.  But I said you know, I think we need to work on waiting now, and they said cool.  So they would take a situation that was ALREADY WORKING (like something where he knew what to expect, knew the gig, had done it lots of times), and they'd add a teeny, tiny, miniscule, demand of a wait.  And it would be almost capricious, because it was literally added on just for the sake of getting him to wait 1-3 seconds.  Like maybe they were getting ready to start playing a toss game or hand him his snack, and they'd say oh, wait a second, I need to rub my nose.

 

They started that SMALL.  That short.  And they worked up a little more to things like oh wait here and continue working while I go to the bathroom.  Or wait while I get the ipad.  Or wait while I ask your mom this question.  Or wait while I tell your mom one thing.  Very controlled, very precise.

 

Out in public, you have SO many variables going on.  The idea of ABA is to reduce mathematically the number of variables, demands, stressors, issues, so you can know that your demand is within reach.  

 

But remember, waiting needs multiple things to come together.  They need to be motivated by whatever is coming.  (Know the group plan, on board with the group plan, motivated by something on the group plan.) They need to care about your perspective on their behavior.  They need to have learned some self-regulation strategies so they know some things they can do while they wait.  We did a lot of PREP WORK before we ever started working on waiting, kwim?  We went through social thinking materials, so he could realize that WE have feelings about his behavior.  We worked on finding what motivates him and helping him realize that when he follows the rules he has more privileges and that when he doesn't he loses privileges.  We worked on improving our dynamic so he knew that working with us, having us be pleased with him, results in GOOD THINGS for him, things he wants to happen!  

 

Right now your dd has none of that.  She doesn't give a flying rip about your opinion of her behavior.  She's just communicating she can't self-regulate.

Edited by OhElizabeth
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My 5 and 7 year olds deal with these same types of issues.  When they are asked to wait, even for 30 seconds, they start to ramp up and get wild and out of control fast.  The 3 year old then feeds on that frenetic atmosphere and starts to be loud and impulsive and the 1 year old starts screeching and flailing her arms excitedly to join in the commotion.

 

A couple things I have found to help.

 

1 - Explain what is going to happen.  "We are going to talk to Mrs. Hudson for 1 or 2 minutes before we get in the car."  "We are going to wait at the pharmacy counter for about 5 minutes while they enter our prescription in the computer."  "We are going to ask the employee to help us figure out what batteries we need."  I always end with something like, "You need to use your waiting behavior until I am done and then we will ______."

 

2 - Give explicit instructions about what waiting behavior looks like and what they should do while they wait so they have a goal to focus on.  I have taught my kids to keep their hands palms together, fingers laced; we call it butterfly hands because sometimes they like to flap their fingers up and down to pass the time...that exercises their small muscles too, so I encourage it.  My oldest has severe anxiety, so I encourage him to let out some of his stress by tensing his arms and chest to push, push, push his palms together in that position and then relaxing them.

 

I also show my kids where I want them to wait.  I don't want to embarrass the kids or have long discussions that delay us further, so we use clear signals.  I will just nonchalantly move a child to where he needs to be and then set my hand on his head and give a gentle, yet firm, press downward.  I've explained how that is the same technique I use to firmly glue something down, and that is what I am doing to them.  Their feet then need to stay glued to that exact spot until we are ready to move on.

 

3 - While they are waiting, I "help" them keep their hands and feet where they are supposed to be while giving them as little attention as possible.  If they move from their spot I move them back.  If they move again, I move them back, stand behind them and put my hands on their shoulders to help them gain control.  If they cannot keep their own hands under control then I will wrap mine over theirs.

 

I ignore most noises and other disruptions, because there is simply nothing I can do to stop them.  I just finish whatever needs to be done, without rushing or lingering, while "ignoring" the children and not showing in any way that their maladaptive behaviors are bothering me.  Afterwards I praise anyone who I could tell made the best choices they could and I don't mention less than ideal behavior at all right then.  I will mention it before the next time I anticipate they will have to wait; at that point I will gently bring up how thing went astray last time and discuss with them possible strategies to avoid those problems.

 

Wendy

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With my son it would possibly be attention-seeking.

 

And, when he did this a lot, he did it when I was talking to my other 2 kids.

 

It is just not sustainable when I can't spend time with my other 2 kids without him getting jealous.

 

Okay, not so much that he was jealous, but whatever -- he couldn't handle it.

 

It is something he needs to be able to handle. But it can be very hard when he does not have my attention and wants it, and has to WAIT.

 

I am very much with OhE ----- waiting was a hard, hard thing and one my son has worked on a lot in ABA and he has come a long way. He has many strategies now and many successes that have led to more successes.

 

But my context is "this can't be okay, I need to be able to focus my attention on another child, my son needs to be able to wait and handle waiting, even for the smallest amount of time, and maybe my other kids need to know I am not constantly paying-attention-to-him-while-supposedly-paying-attention-to-them."

Now ---- maybe the waiting issue is a lot more situational, it just happens sometimes, it is preventable and manageable.

 

Or, maybe it is just reaching a point where it is like "no, child, you really have to be okay if you are not the focus of my attention, it really needs to be fundamentally okay for you to have to wait."

 

It is maybe hard to explain, but that is the context I have.

 

When he started his goal was to wait for 5 seconds and I was to tell him how proud I was and lavish him with attention after 5 seconds. Getting to 30 seconds was a milestone.

 

The last time it came up, I was told they (ABA therapist) thought a generic age-appropriate goal would be to wait for 2 minutes. That is like -- I should be able to talk to someone for 2 minutes, after saying "just a minute" or "please wait" to him. More than 2 minutes I was told was not reasonable.

 

I think he was 5 or 6 then (he is almost 8 now).

 

I was also told that they see this crop up for things like: something is being passed out while you wait for it to be passed out, you are waiting in line for a drink, etc. I was told this can be stressful waiting for kids, too, when they have not built up some good and positive ability and confidence with waiting.

 

So just what I have been told, I think it is a little "come on, it is not that big of a deal to wait for something to be handed out" but at the same time it is necessary at Sunday School and even just when with my extended family (with 5 kids total).

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I am curious, what do you think might have happened if you had involved her in the conversation?  Like "Hey DD8, there's Mrs. Smith, lets tell her thank you again for such a fun class!"  Then you have DD8 tell Mrs. Smith thank you before you start talking.  Then maybe you say thanks and that DD8 had a great time "didn't you DD8, can you tell Mrs Smith your favorite part?"  That sort of thing.  Is that something she is capable of?  Would having her start the conversation off help her?

 

I am trying to think how I would handle this with DD6.  She has developmental delays and her official eval is coming up in a few weeks.  She doesn't do this, but she has been a bit of a runner in the past, and for that I just basically hold her hand.  The running is getting a better.  But, if she was doing this, I would most likely strive to keep myself calm first (cause it would irritate the heck outta me.)  But assuming I manage calm, I would then excuse myself for a minute, bend down and tell her its rude, she needs to stop, then probably offer her something to play with while she waits.  Probably my phone to have her take pics, if I don't have anything specific.  But if it was something that was on going, I would probably try to stock my purse with little things like paper and crayons.  I might even sing a song from Daniel Tiger to remind her "When you wait....you can play...sing or imagine anything."  I suspect your DD8 is probably too old to like Daniel Tiger though.  Another thing I might try is to tell her that she can sit down on the ground and bark all she wants, but it needs to be as quiet as possible, maybe even make it a contest, how quiet can she bark. 

 

Games and logic used to work.  But now when I try those tactics, it's a disaster. She goes from desperately seeking my attention to do very deliberately avoiding all eye contact and zoning out.  And the fallout from that is a good hour or more of limp resistance. I usually just call it a day in terms of school or errands.

 

I'm reading ALL these replies, and I just got the book recommended in post #2. Thank you, so much, everyone, for helping me work through this.

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I can look for it later, but we have had a link before about autistic shutdowns. You might see about it.

 

Or shutdowns in general.

 

I have read ones where they say kids spike a stress hormone (cortisol) and then they are stuck in fight or flight until the cortisol wears off.

 

I also saw a speaker Brenda Smith Myles speak about similar stuff and I thought she was very good. She has some books, but I have more seen her presentation.

 

Her thing is "the rage cycle" but withdrawal like that can be the flip side of rage in this concept. Where either it is fight or flight, and the extreme withdrawal can be the flight version.

 

This is not stuff that really applies to my son, but I went to a speaker about it af an autism workshop in my town.

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Lecka is SO right on this.  If a dc is having issues with this, it's NOT only occurring when the dc is with Mom.  It's also occurring when the dc is NOT with Mom.  Do you know how SCARY this is for a church worker or other, unsuspecting person to be the victim of the behaviors?  It's awful.  It was happening to us, and I didn't realize.  We HAD to work on it, because it wasn't about me.  It was happening with ANYONE he was with, in ANY situation.

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Games and logic used to work.  But now when I try those tactics, it's a disaster. She goes from desperately seeking my attention to do very deliberately avoiding all eye contact and zoning out.  And the fallout from that is a good hour or more of limp resistance. I usually just call it a day in terms of school or errands.

 

I'm reading ALL these replies, and I just got the book recommended in post #2. Thank you, so much, everyone, for helping me work through this.

 

I'm so glad you got the book!  It's crazy eye opening.  

 

Keep us posted and keep asking questions.  We KNOW it's hard.  The main thing is, it's not your fault.  These behaviors probably occur no matter who the caregiver is, and in multiple settings.  

 

PS.  Not that you have to answer, but what's her IQ?  That's some pretty complex reasoning and responding.  A good BCBA is up for that.  It helped me so much to bring in outside help, because things were complex.  We could get more perspectives, outside perspective, cool perspective. (not stressed)

Edited by OhElizabeth
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Here is the incident prompted me to post.

 

Another homeschool mom set up a classes at a farm.

My kid went to the class and had a nice time- I saw her walk out chatting happily with the instructors..

Then she and I toured the farm for a little while, she was in a great mood.

As we were walking to our car, I bumped into the homeschool mom who set up the class -- I stopped to thank her, and tell her my daughter enjoyed it, asked if her daughter enjoyed it too.

Almost instantly my daughter is jumping, barking, yanking at me, lying on the ground contorting herself.

So I excused myself and we left.

 

Part of this is, she was tired. Part of this is, she is socially uncomfortable. I get it. But should I really always just hustling to the car? For how many years? I really think we can't go on like this. Not just because of my social desire to be polite, but, because, my daughter really isn't functional right now.

I am sorry, I did not mean to imply that your expectations are unreasonable. I was just brainstorming as I read the posts.

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