Is this rule too harsh....or reasonable? (Kids taking too many sick days)

[TheAttachedMama]

We are missing A LOT of school because of "sick days". 

 

We started school in late July, and my kids have already missed a month and a half due to sicknesses.   (And the height of cold and flu season hasn't even hit us!)   Many times they are not running fevers, but they swear that their throat is too sore (or their stomach is too upset..or their head hurts....or some other symptom I can't outwardly verify...you know?)  

 

I am always torn with what to do.   For example, this morning, my daughter woke up super early to play prodigy before school started.   She seemed fine when she was playing the game (laughing, cheering her character, etc.), but as soon as it was time to start school, she said she was too sick.  Now she is laying on the couch under a blanket crying.    She has no outward signs of sickness, but she says her stomach hurts and her throat hurts.   So what do I do?   Do I make her do school?   I feel so guilty because what if she does really feel too sick to learn?   How can I tell?  I really have no choice but to trust what she tells me.

 

This wouldn't be a problem, except that it is happening WAY too often.

 

I don't doubt that they are feeling kind-of-sick.   My kids are generally honest.   However, I get the feeling that if they are feeling the least bit not-okay, they want to use it as an excuse to take a sick day and just lay around all day.   If their nose is slightly runny---sick day.   If their throat is slightly sore-----sick day.   I feel like when they wake up on a typical Thursday and want a break (who doesn't?), it is a lot easier to make their symptoms bigger than they are in their heads.   For the past two years, this has plagued our homeschool.   It has become a huge problem that I have to constantly fight.   These sick days have the potential to completely derail our school year because when you are missing 3-4 months of school due to illness, it is very easy to fall behind academically.   In order to NOT fall behind, we end up having to cancel a lot of our planned family vacations/rest breaks.    This is making me resentful because I am never getting any rests.    Many times, I schedule vacations because I have stuff to do around the house other than homeschooling.   For example, it is nice to take a week off around Christmas to catch up with all of the things that need to be done.    The kids are never sick at the same time, which means I have to teach one and then make up the sick days with the other in order to get them to "pass" the grade and finish their basic schooling before the end of the year.

 

This year I kind of want to nip the behavior in the bud.   The problem is, I seem unable to teach them balance.   I want them to feel comfortable telling me that they need a sick day...if they really need it.  But I always want to teach them that sometimes you have to suck-it-up, and do school even if you are not feeling 100%.   

 

I have tried several things in the past that haven't been very successful.  

1)  I've tried to make their "sick days" as "unfun" as possible.  This way they aren't as tempted to want to take sick days willy-nilly. I've required that they lay on the couch and just rest.   The problem is, I have a toddler who is going through this incredibly needy phase.  (That is a whole 'nother thread!)   If I try to do school with my other older kids, the toddler finds a way to completely disrupt our day.   He tantrums and whines because no one is giving him attention.  Climbs on me while screaming while I am trying to teach a grammar lesson.  Or, the three year old starts to climb all over the sick child and cause lots of fighting and crying.   Typically, when everyone is healthy, I assign one of the bigger kids to play with the 3 year old while I do lessons, then we switch.   That plan goes out the window when I have a sick kid.   SO---9 times out of 10, I become so frustrated before the day is over, that I put on a show for my 3 year old just to allow us to finish a lesson.   Next thing I know, my "sick older kid" is happily watching sesame street or letter fectory and happy as a clown.   Do I need to isolate the sick kid to a bedroom or something?   Whatever the case, My attempts at making the sick days "not fun" just don't seem to be having an effect on making them happen less frequently.

 

2)  I've tried making up the sick days on the weekend.   My thought is that if they know taking a sick days isn't going to result in a total vacation day (they lose their weekend rest days), then they would be more motivated to try and do school durring the week.  However, the problem with that is that we live VERY busy lives and I can't consistently make that happen.   Our weekends are usually very full.   I need one day for cleaning, meal planning, food prep, laundry, etc.   I can skip that, but then our week just doens't run very well.   Then we typically have family plans on the other day like church, pumpkin picking, family visiting.   (This weekend, for example, my husband is running a half marathon.   Do we skip going to see him to make up the sick days?   Do you see my problem with weekends?)

 

----------------

So now, I am thinking of implementing a new rule to try to nip this behavior in the bud.    HOWEVER, I am waffling back and forth about whether it is too harsh or not.    My daughter is VERY motivated by playing with her neighborhood friends. VERY motivated.  She pretty much lives for 3:30PM when the public school kids get home and all she wants to do is go and play with them.     I, of course, don't let her go out and play on days when she doesn't do school.   But I am thinking of telling her that if she takes sick days during the week, she doesn't get to go and play with them on the weekend.  She nees to stay home and rest.    Tell me, is that too harsh?   If so, What other ideas do you have?  

[HomeAgain]

I'd make clear rules for what constitutes a sick day.  In our house, it has to be part of this list:

Fever

Tummy issues

Broken & on meds

 

Anything else, we can still do school.  There are lozenges, tea, and dayquil available (well, cold medicine for the little one).  I am willing to read the material to them. I'm willing to have blankets to cuddle up in. I'm not willing to lose half the year.

[EKS]

The only thing that got my kids out of schoolwork was a fever or vomiting.  Using that metric, we only had a few sick days (and many times none) each year.

[Sandragood1]

I suppose it is possible that the kids have developed a psychosomatic response to school work. I'd suggest gently treating the symptoms and requiring that some school work get done. Sore throats can be treated with warm tea and honey or lozenges. Tummy aches with peppermint tea or candies. Of course you could also use actual medicine such as Motrin or something.

 

You may also benefit by considering why they find school work so onerous that they'd rather be sick.

 

Last possibility: if you use a particular room for school work maybe they are allergic to something in there?

[Critterfixer]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Most of what you describe could be treated and the day could go on, reserving sick days for days when full rest is needed. However, you do need to have a plan for making up sick days, because it sounds like you will have them, and the fact that it's pouring into your break days (that you work for!) is unfair. Weekends are a logical choice for making up missed work. You can't play if you haven't made up what is missed. Another way to make up days is to start school earlier the next day, or to schedule homework every well day to make up for the sick day.

 

Now, for the other side of the coin. What if you made sick days a part of your school, in that you gave the kids a generous bank of their own personal sick leave days? They can hand you one of their "days" when they are "sick." And you'd want to have some built in for what you actually think they will use. If, at the end of a quarter, they have sick days unused, they trade them all in for something special. The more they trade in, the better the deal. This might give them a reason to not "waste" a sick day if they don't really need it.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Any kid that can be on a screen can be doing school work.  Exceptions for vomiting and fever.  I would definitely isolate the sick child in his or her own bed with no books, no screen, and really, no nothing.  If they are bored, pull out a math review worksheet or tell them they can write a story.  Your current system is still too rewarding for being sick.  

 

My kids do school unless they are so sick that lying in their beds in a darkened room with no stimulation is what they would rather do.  And then, if they start to suddenly feel better after school hours, well, then they do their school work.  

 

But having said all that, Ive never had a kid *try* to get out of work by claiming illness.  If they say they are sick, then they are ready to go lay down.  We probably miss 3-4 school days a year, max.  

 

Another thing is to consider seeing their doctor.  If they really are having tummy aches this frequently, it may be worth ruling out some common childhood complaints like constipation, milk or gluten intolerance, etc.  I try to always find a way to mention that trips to the doctor may or may not involve a blood draw.  I know they're really sick when they are ok with this.  lol.  

 

I personally would not restrict friend time on a non-sick day as "punishment" for illness.  That doesn't seem quite right to me.  I'd consider shifting to a year-round schedule, consider saying no to all screens until work is done (and you could use weekend screen time to make up school work rather than weekend friend time), consider a positive reinforcement for "streaks" of days worked without sick days, etc.  Consider a 5-6 week on, 1 week off schedule that is posted, and explain that sick days will be taken from the "week off" holiday...  

 

I'm sorry about the clingy toddler and 3yo.  I have a similar situation and we just do our best to roll with the punches.  

Edited October 13, 2016 by Monica_in_Switzerland

[coralloyd]

I would simply tell them that you are sorry they aren't feeling well, but they still need to start on school, and you will keep an eye on how they are doing. If you later feel they are having a legitimately hard time let them stop, otherwise do school.

 

ETA: If they are truly getting sick that often I would think it was time to be concerned. I would look into possible health issues. 

Edited October 13, 2016 by coralloyd

[Seasons]

In our area students are not allowed to attend our public schools with a fever and shouldn't return to school for 24 hours after throwing up.

[Serenade]

We have rarely taken off school days for sickness, other than for barf and bathroom issues, which are kind of hard to fake. :-)

 

If one of my kids has a serious cold/respiratory infection, I have them stay in their rooms on their bed, no TV, no electronics, etc. If they are truly sick, they welcome the rest time. 

 

This has been the routine for so long in our house that my kids don't even expect to take off for being sick, unless they are really sick.  Sometimes if an illness is mild but uncomfortable, we might do a shorter day.

[73349]

Yeah, it's time to change from the couch to the bed for sickies. Readers may have a textbook with them in case they feel up to reading. And no sweets or dairy on a day when you're sick--chicken broth or plain rice for meals and snacks, water or chamomile to drink.

 

You're being reasonable here. Schools often hold kids back for missing more than ten days a year. Everyone normally goes to school with a cold as long as there's no fever.

 

Maybe you also need a few special items to pull out for the 3yo at times like this. Check Pinterest for "busy bag" ideas.

[wendyroo]

I am always torn with what to do.   For example, this morning, my daughter woke up super early to play prodigy before school started.   She seemed fine when she was playing the game (laughing, cheering her character, etc.), but as soon as it was time to start school, she said she was too sick.  Now she is laying on the couch under a blanket crying.    She has no outward signs of sickness, but she says her stomach hurts and her throat hurts.   So what do I do?   Do I make her do school?   I feel so guilty because what if she does really feel too sick to learn?   How can I tell?  I really have no choice but to trust what she tells me.

 

She sounds tired to me.

 

This is the main reason I don't allow the kids to get up early and I don't allow screens before school.  If given the opportunity my kids would happily shortchange their sleep in order to play on the computer.  They would end up overtired, cranky and emotional, and the lack of sleep would make them susceptible to truly getting sick.

 

At our house the choice is always school or a nap.  Generally school is fun and naps are torture, so the choice is a no-brainer.  Our routine does change a bit when someone is truly sick (~4-6 days a year) because I don't want to move on with shared subjects if one child isn't participating.  On those days the other children do an abbreviated schedule while the sick child naps and then we all cuddle on the couch for the rest of the day to listen to read alouds and watch documentaries.

 

Wendy

[Critterfixer]

 

 

Our routine does change a bit when someone is truly sick (~4-6 days a year) because I don't want to move on with shared subjects if one child isn't participating. 

I think the shared subjects often are the hardest things to reschedule for sickness. And it can be really hard to have one sick (and needing Mom) and then everybody else gets a "sick day". 

That's one reason I think it's a good idea to have a "sick policy" and a "sick day routine" to turn to when the inevitable happens.

[J-rap]

We all know our own kids best, but in our house, unless they were throwing up, had a fever with body aches, or came down with a severe migraine, they'd work.   I might let them stay in their pajamas if they were just kind of sick, but they'd still work.  :)

 

Is there any chance they have allergies?  Or migraines?  When my kids were young, several of them had kind of vague symptoms that took years to evolve into a diagnosis.  Allergies definitely became more obvious at some point, but they can cause symptoms like a soar throat and upset stomach (from post nasal drip).  Migraines began as stomach pains and heartburn in our family and other unlikely symptoms.  They were like that for a couple years and then the head pains began.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Like others, DD only gets out of school if she's feeling so unwell that she welcomes lying in bed in her dark room. We only have a couple sick days a year. If she has a regular cold, she just gets some Tylenol, which usually helps. 

[strange_girl]

School goes on as usual unless there is a measurable fever (like 100 or higher), or they're puking. We don't usually take sick days for colds, allergies, or unnamed maladies that stem from not wanting to. If your throat is a bit sore, have a sore throat lozenge or some tea. If you're sneezing I'll give you a box of tissues. If you're really sick, then you can go to bed and not do school.

 

I don't know if I'm too harsh, but I don't want them growing up thinking that it's okay to just blow off responsibilities under the guise of being 'sick', you know? So we don't do that.

 

If I can see that they definitely are ill and need rest, then by all means.

[Critterfixer]

Another thing that can be done for missed sick days (and for planning ahead) is to figure out how to make up missed subjects. Math is usually the easiest to plan, and the worst to do, because typically most programs are not very forgiving in terms of work to complete. But other subjects might be made up in creative ways. Some of those ways might involve things that can actually be completed while sick (documentary for history, listening to audiobook, oral narrations and so forth.) It's never a bad idea to come up with alternative days. That way you have some options for completing work that may not take up as much of Mom's time.

[Harriet Vane]

In our house, sick days were only taken for vomiting, fever, or super-obvious mucous production (like when they have a hideous head cold and blowing their noses constantly).

 

If someone was sorta-sick, I made them all the tea they wanted. I was also willing to wrap up a child in a soft blanket to increase their comfort. Other than that, we carried on with school no matter what.

[Moonhawk]

My kids most common complaints are "tired legs", "tummy ache", and "sore throat."  I have a testing period where when they tell me about the problem, and then I give a remedy (blanket, tea, honey, apple), and tell them it will probably take about half hour or an hour to work.  While we are waiting for the medicine to kick in, why don't we do some review?  The medicine will work faster if they aren't thinking about it -- kind of like a watched pot never boils (this only makes sense to the 7yo).  Usually they forget about whatever is bothering them 5 minutes into school.

 

If they are really sick, I can tell within the first review lesson, and I'll adjust the schedule as necessary, usually just hit review on the core subjects. For some reason, art projects somehow give a good feeling bump.  If it doesn't work, I know they are real and truly sick.  Review lessons will continue unless they are sleeping, delirious, or spending half their day in the bathroom.  Reviews usually take maybe 15min per subject, so it goes by pretty quickly.  

[Dramorellis]

We very rarely take actual sick days. If they are truly sick (vomiting, fever, just lethargic) then they gladly go lay down. I carry on with the other children as normal. If they just don't feel great or are tired well sorry. Get some tea, put a sweater on etc. but studies will continue. Surely they are not too sick to hold a pencil or read a book. If we get stuck in a cycle of people being vaguely sick and tired all the time then I will reevaluate our schedule. Perhaps less running around doing activities and errands, more insistent on early bedtimes, take a look at our diet, kick up the probiotics etc.  But the party line is typically, "Sorry you don't feel well sweetie, I'll make you some tea." I also see no problem with just hitting the basics (morning work, math and literature) and then letting them go rest or whatever they need. No screens regardless during the week. 

[fralala]

 

I have tried several things in the past that haven't been very successful.  

1)  I've tried to make their "sick days" as "unfun" as possible. 

 

What about the opposite strategy-- trying to make their school days more enjoyable? Is there anything in the routine that could be tweaked to be more playful?

 

And, absent that, I always save computer time as a reward for finishing school work-- not a way to start the day.

[ScoutTN]

While I do build in some "mental health days" for when we are all too tired or exasperated or whatever, we take them all together.

 

Sick = fever, vomiting or something serious enough to warrant seeing a doc.

 

30+ sick days seems outrageous to me. My kids are generally healthy and miss school maybe 2-3 days a year.

Edited October 13, 2016 by ScoutTN

[....]

Honestly, after reading your post, I wouldn't allow them to take any more sick days at all.  (And my 3rd grader just missed an entire month of school for a brain injury - so I am OK with them missing school if they need to.)  But it seems like they are taking advantage of the situation.

[MiMi 4under3]

 

 

----------------

So now, I am thinking of implementing a new rule to try to nip this behavior in the bud.    HOWEVER, I am waffling back and forth about whether it is too harsh or not.    My daughter is VERY motivated by playing with her neighborhood friends. VERY motivated.  She pretty much lives for 3:30PM when the public school kids get home and all she wants to do is go and play with them.     I, of course, don't let her go out and play on days when she doesn't do school.   But I am thinking of telling her that if she takes sick days during the week, she doesn't get to go and play with them on the weekend.  She nees to stay home and rest.    Tell me, is that too harsh?   If so, What other ideas do you have?  

 

Not too harsh at all.  

 

I would tell your daughter that if she's taking sick days frequently, she needs the extra rest on weekends to build up her strength for the week ahead.

[Arcadia]

She has no outward signs of sickness, but she says her stomach hurts and her throat hurts. So what do I do? Do I make her do school?

Throat hurts would mean doing school with a 500ml water bottle (which I would refill) next to them. Stomach aches would mean plain noodles/rice all day every day or spinach smoothies to detoxify.

 

If my kids are really sick, plenty of water and veggie smoothies help. If they are not, they would find that "diet" worse than school work.

 

My kids also have to sit on their beds and read their assigned literature and history or be asleep. We get lots of assigned reading done that way. They get hay fever 2.5 months in a year so they do nap during those seasons and use up the Kleenex boxes. We school year round partially to compensate.

 

ETA:

If it is real anxiety about school work, then it is harder to resolve.

Edited October 13, 2016 by Arcadia

[Critterfixer]

 

30+ sick days seems outrageous to me. My kuds are generally healthy and miss school maybe 2-3 days a year. 

 

 

It does, but when you compound the fact that one (even halfway) sick kid is a drain on Mom's time and resources, and throw a toddler in the mix? Yeah. School doesn't get done. For anybody. It's a real deal. 

[FriedClams]

In our house, unless you're //really// sick, you do your school work. It might be on the couch, it might be a light schedule, but you do it.

 

It sounds like malingering to me, and I'd squish it. If you're "sick" you go spend in day in bed. No tv, no games, no screens, no books. Bed. For the day. And sick food. No after school fun. No clubs. No library. No family game time. No friends. I suspect there will be fewer sick days very, very soon.

[tmstranger]

The only thing that got my kids out of schoolwork was a fever or vomiting.  Using that metric, we only had a few sick days (and many times none) each year.

 

Yep! This...

 

I also let ds out of some school when he had his eyes dilated.  But really, I read to him and he narrated...he still didn't get out of much!

[The Governess]

For comparison, my kids only miss school due to 1) fever, 2) vomiting, or 3) other symptoms that are bad enough to require a doctor visit. Basically, issues that would have kept them home from school if they were attending.

[lanabug]

My rules are that we do school unless you are throwing up, have diarrhea, or running fever. I will make judgment calls on things like body aches or headaches.  Usually I can tell when a child really is feeling awful or whether they just want to milk the illness to get out of schoolwork.

I follow the same protocol for myself.  Unless I'm completely unable to function and confined to the couch, school is in session.

If it's just a bad cold or other mild illness, we'll do a lighter load than normal. Maybe play some educational games if they're up to it or watch educational videos.  If it's the flu or other on-the-couch-feeling-miserable illness, it's a free pass to watch as much junk cartoons as you feel like.

Lana

[LMCme]

I agree with a lot of what has been said above -- if you have a fever, vomiting, or diarrhea, you get the day off.  Otherwise, we start doing school.  And sometimes, I'm wrong -- which is okay.  We can always stop after starting, or do easy/fun subjects that require less consistent attention than math.

 

LMC

[Garga]

My kids wake up to sore throats from time to time, but that's because they like to sleep with fans blowing on their faces and they dry out their throats.

 

I'm with everyone else: fever, vomiting, severe pain so that the person doesn't even want to watch tv = sick.

 

Everything else = school.

 

A headache is medicated, a dried out sore throat is told to eat some candy corn (hey, it works), tummy aches are, well...I don't know what to do with those. If we have those it's because there's also a fever and vomitting. Maybe some pepto bismol?

 

If someone is a big sneezy mess with itchy eyes from a cold, and you can tell they're honestly miserable because their eyes look all puffy, we will still do school, but I'll cut most output. I drop back to mostly the reading without them having to do a lot of calculations or write papers.

Edited October 13, 2016 by Garga

[MerryAtHope]

We do school when sick here. Unless they have a fever or are throwing up, or are too lethargic to get up out of bed, they can do school. If they aren't sleeping on and off all day out of delirium, they can probably do school. 

 

If it's obvious they are sick but aren't quite THAT sick, they'd do a half day (certainly listening to literature, history, bible, and science read-alouds, but maybe not requiring seat-work--and that keeps everyone else on track too, no holding up progress because one is sick.) Even if they have to go to the doctor, they are not necessarily too sick to do school. If you have to carry them in and they just want to go lie in bed and sleep when you get home, that's too sick. 

 

No screens when sick for those under 12. Screens are not restful (they excite the brainwaves). Truly sick kids need rest. In their own beds. If they can't stay in bed, they are well enough to do school.

 

Kids who can play a game and cheer are well enough to do school. They are not too sick if they can do that. If they are "just a little sick," they're well enough to do school. 

 

[SebastianCat]

When *I'm* sick, I still have household tasks that must be done, not matter how bad I feel.   I can lighten my load some, but some things (like meals, laundry, dishes, driving the kids to extracurriculars) must be done regardless.   When Dad is sick, he goes to work unless he's so sick he can't drive himself or he's just had surgery (the one and only sick day he's taken in the 17 years we've been married).

 

We take that same approach to school, because school is training for real life in an adult world.   If you have a fever or are vomiting, you get to lie down and rest, but all of your subjects that involve reading still must be done, and math must be done regardless of how you feel.   If you just feel crummy, I'm happy to offer you some over-the-counter medicine to help, and we will make sure you get extra rest and fluids, but there will be no screens and no playing with friends.   When my DD broke her arm and was in a full-arm cast and couldn't write, I let her skip handwriting but I "scribed" her other subjects for her.   

 

My kids are in 9th and 7th grades this year, and we have never had a truly serious illness or injury that required hospitalization since they were school-aged, which would obviously affect my approach.   I also agree that having more children with a wider age spread would make schooling through illness much more difficult.   But we have done school through the flu and many minor illnesses.   We pare down to "essential" subjects when necessary and lighten up what we can, but honestly, if my high schooler were to get the flu, every subject would be considered "essential" at this point and he'd need to make up all of what he missed.   

 

OP, I don't know how many children you have or their ages, but I would gently but firmly set some expectations.   You will need to judge what's appropriate for your home, but I would consider some things like:

-Math and reading (and whatever else you consider "essential") must be done no matter how you feel.   If you are running a high fever and are too sick to do math and reading, they must be made up tomorrow.

-If you are too sick to do school, you must lie quietly in bed (or on the couch), during which time you can read for school or nap.

-No screens (on any day) until school  is finished.   If you are too sick to do school, you're too sick for screens.

-Playtime with friends will happen when all of your school work (including make-up days) is completely finished.   

[kirstenhill]

I didn't realize I was such a meany, but I have had a kid with fever and vomiting who still did school recently. The one day he was so sick he couldnt stay sitting up for very long happened to be a Saturday, but if it wouldn't have been a Saturday, he would have gotten the day off. Otherwise, with a fever of 100 and vomiting some mornings, he just did his usual work in the morning and slept in the afternoon (honestly though, he didn't even ask for the day off).

 

If my kids complain about sore throats, they get extra yummy drinks to help feel better (juice, smoothie, tea) and do school work with a drink beside them. If they have a headache they drink water and lie down for a few minutes, and if it doesn't go away I give them a Tylenol or Advil. If their tummy hurts and using the bathroom doesn't take care of it. I tell them to get a bowl in case they have to throw up and we move on. Maybe I'm actually quite the meany! I never thought about it before. I figure most adults just suck it up and do their work, and maybe stay home and work from home if they are too contagious to go into the office. I can only remember maybe three days in our 14 years of marriage that DH was so sick that he stayed home and it was truly a sick day with no working from home (not counting recovery from a serious accident requiring surgery...but even then he was working from bed as soon as the worst of the pain meds wore off!) I think I only twice got a true "sick day" where DH stayed home to take care of the kids while I slept due to being sick. So, I am not really apt to let my kids get out of schoolwork unless there is absolutely no way they can do it. We skip playtime, events, playing with friends, etc...but the schoolwork still gets done. If I had kids with chronic illnesses or health problems we would deal with it differently I am sure...but for just typical virus, cold, flu, etc we try and push through.

Edited October 13, 2016 by kirstenhill

[AmandaVT]

DS has been pretty under the weather for the past week - nasty cold with vomiting and a fever for the first 2 days. I wondered if it might be the flu, but it seems early still. 

 

He's done school all but one day and on that day, I read to him, he watched Liberty's Kids and Bill Nye the science guy. 

 

I still teach when I'm sick and as long as he's not really sick, we do school. I have modified a bit, letting him start a bit later in the morning and giving him more breaks as needed. 

[Moonhawk]

 

----------------

So now, I am thinking of implementing a new rule to try to nip this behavior in the bud.    HOWEVER, I am waffling back and forth about whether it is too harsh or not.    My daughter is VERY motivated by playing with her neighborhood friends. VERY motivated.  She pretty much lives for 3:30PM when the public school kids get home and all she wants to do is go and play with them.     I, of course, don't let her go out and play on days when she doesn't do school.   But I am thinking of telling her that if she takes sick days during the week, she doesn't get to go and play with them on the weekend.  She nees to stay home and rest.    Tell me, is that too harsh?   If so, What other ideas do you have?  

 

I completely forgot to answer what you were originally asking. :) No, I don't think that is too harsh. If it stops the sickness, everyone wins, and if it doesn't affect anything then you know your kids are really avoiding something or you need to start cataloging symptoms and days. 

 

 You can make some type of compromise if you think the sickness was real, if you don't want to punish them for something that is out of their control: "If you finish the last two pages of your math workbook that we missed before 3pm, you can go out until 4pm." But, I would still keep the general rule of miss-school-miss-weekend-play.  

 

I may consider some of the options other people are giving first re:sickdays, and save this as a 'nuclear option' if you feel it isn't the best option for you, but I don't think it is overly harsh and wouldn't have a problem doing it at my house if it was necessary.

[Butter]

My kids even did school with chicken pox.  They weren't especially miserable and had mild cases.  If you can get out of bed and/or out of the bathroom, and especially if you've been up and playing on the computer just fine in the morning, you do school.

[Butter]

Golly, I am the only mom who doesn't make her kid do school when they are sick with a cold, or allergies or whatever. We snuggle, do lots of read alouds, watch movies or documentaries or even TV shows! together. 

 

You cannot learn well when miserable, is my thinking.

 

If we skipped school for allergies we'd literally never do school.

[Meriwether]

The only thing that got my kids out of schoolwork was a fever or vomiting.  Using that metric, we only had a few sick days (and many times none) each year.

We are this way. And even with a fever or vomiting, the kids usually get some reading done.

[Butter]

Sure. But don't you wait till meds kick in ? I never learned a thing while in the middle of an allergic rhinitis attack, and my kids don't either. Same with asthma - sure, once it's under control you can do school, but in the middle of being breathless and shaky from Ventolin ? Not prime learning time, imo.

 

Nah.  The ones who take allergy meds are on daily ones so there is not to "kick in."  Even on medication they are still stuffy or runny a lot of the time.  I took a Sudafed the other day and that was an interesting day of school for me since my brain was floating somewhere above my head.  The only medication we wait to kick in is Adderall which he gets 30 minutes before school starts.

[Ravin]

I have a child who is chronically ill. If she is really ill, like a migraine, she isn't going to fight being told she has to go to bed (not on the couch in the middle of things, but isolated) and stay there except to eat or go to the bathroom, with no screens. 

 

She knows that if she isn't well enough to finish her schoolwork, basic chores, and personal hygiene routine, then she's not well enough to go out and play with friends later, either. That's a major currency for my DD so she is more likely to tough through low-level not feeling well and get 'er done than malinger or play up illness to get out of things.

[Ravin]

You cannot learn well when miserable, is my thinking.

 

By this measure, DD would pretty much get zero schoolwork of any kind done these days at all.

[Guest]

The only thing that got my kids out of schoolwork was a fever or vomiting. Using that metric, we only had a few sick days (and many times none) each year.

Yup. We do school for anything other than fever or vomiting. I figure sitting at the table just doesn't take that much energy, though if they appear super listless I may cut down on extra subjects outside the basics and send them for a nap. We are a pretty healthy family and don't get sick often, but I'd say we have taken maybe 5 actual sick days for the kids in four years of home educating. More common is taking days off because MOMMY doesn't feel good (adrenal drama, postpartum, virus, whatever).

[Guest]

Our sick policy is that if you don't feel well, you either do school or stay in bed. Generally, if they are feeling bad enough to not do school, they welcome their bed. Also, I don't know what Prodigy is, but our morning routine is that you do morning chores and start school. If I allowed electronics before school, I could easily see what happened to you happening here. 

[Sahamamama2]

OP, this may be blunt, but -- wow! We would never miss that much school time for complaints like the ones you are describing. I think that maybe once or twice in all these years, perhaps one or two of my children have missed part of a day's work due to those kinds of complaints. I don't think I've ever felt that they were using physical complaints to get out of school work.

 

Yes, I think you should make your children work through it, in most cases. Even if they couldn't put in a full school day, they could still read, or be read to, or listen to music or French. They also could (to some extent) learn to troop on through.

 

OP, here's what I would do in your shoes:

 

Sore throat complaint = required to gargle with warm salt water +get back to work

Sour tummy complaint = required to drink ginger tea (or whatever you do for a tummy ache) + get back to work

Runny nose complaint = required to __________ (take a Chlor-tab? carry around a tissue pack?) + get back to work

Tired complaint = required one hour earlier bedtime (that night) + get back to work (that day)

Tired complaint (the following day) = required two hour earlier bedtime (that night) + get back to work (that day)

Ongoing complaints of not feeling "well enough" on school days = required rest time on weekends and afternoons (no playing with friends, no fun activities, no electronics, just rest)

 

Being "well enough" to do school consistently matters over time. Perhaps if you emphasize to them, "We are resting this weekend so we don't lose any school time next week, like we did last week. It's important to be able to do school work consistently, so since you weren't well last week, we are resting over this weekend. That should set us up to be able to get our work done next week."

 

If your daughter is not feeling well enough to do school work, you might let her know that you want her to get LOTS OF EXTRA REST, to build up her immunity and stamina, because school just has to get done! :) Also, you are concerned that since she is sick so much, perhaps it's all that time with friends that leads to her repeated problems. Germs and all that. :ack2: No germy friends on weekends.

[Alice]

Golly, I am the only mom who doesn't make her kid do school when they are sick with a cold, or allergies or whatever. We snuggle, do lots of read alouds, watch movies or documentaries or even TV shows! together. 

 

You cannot learn well when miserable, is my thinking.

 

 

We often take off for colds or sore throats or minor complaints. I think it depends on the kids though. My kids don't really abuse sick days. If one has a sick day we still do read alouds and movies and I tell them to do as much other work as they feel like. It's never more than a day though. I think sometimes it is more of a mental health day or break than that they are truly unable to do work, but then they come back and work hard the next day. I need those myself sometimes. 

 

In the OP's situation, I think I'd be more hardline since it sounds like the trend is towards missing a lot more school than is ok. That or I'd check them out and see why they are really that sick that often. 

[IsabelC]

We operate on the "If you can get out of bed, you can try doing some learning" basis.  But if it's clear that the kid isn't able to concentrate, I don't keep pushing indefinitely. Today my daughter who has a head cold was very lethargic; after doing five multiplication problems in a row and getting every single one wrong due to careless errors, I decided to call it done for the day because she isn't going to learn anything when she can't stay sufficiently awake to do straightforward calculations that she normally manages quite easily. But she was still able to snuggle under a blanket and watch a documentary. We find that the kids don't often 'milk' their minor illnesses (probably because they know they'll end up missing outside activities that they like), but if a child is making a big deal out of a minor complaint and being more needy than usual, I figure that they have a genuine need, even though it might be an emotional need rather than a physical thing - so if they need cuddles and TLC, I try to provide that, whether it's because they are sick or because they are having trouble with their feelings.

So I guess I'm a bit of a softy as far as letting them off things sometimes.  (But then most people think I'm nasty because I make them do math even when it's Christmas or their birthday. ;) )

Edited October 14, 2016 by IsabelC

[mommy2ella]

We bedschool through colds and low-grade fevers.  I just pile everything up on our big bed, get a clipboard for her paperwork, and do school from there.  I will tend to cut back a bit on the work if she really seems like she's not getting a lot out of it, but she doesn't take advantage.  We may do less written work and more history and literature when she's feeling "off".  If she has a high fever or is vomiting, she will not learn or retain anything and she needs to be asleep in bed.  I know that when I am super sick, I don't even tend to remember anything that has been happening.  I figure school is pretty useless at that point.  

[StartingOver]

If you mine don't need to see a doctor or take an ambulance ride they are doing school. There are meds for most complaints. Stomach issues can't always be solved quickly, but even a fever can be brought down if it is high.

Edited October 16, 2016 by StartingOver

[eternalsummer]

We don't do the hard parts of school when someone doesn't feel well (either me or DS or DD when afterschooling) but we do the parts that DS wouldn't tell you count as school if you asked him (pretty much any educational video or math game, science demonstration, 20 questions, "free" reading (with books I've strewn), anything to do with colored pencils or crayons or markers, etc.)  DS is still only 8, though, so even things like math are very easy to do while semi-sick as long as they are mostly review or a very gentle introduction of new material.  

 

Given your kids' behavior, I'd wonder what they dislike so much about school that they'd rather lie on the couch all day?