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Feedback... WWS Week 7 Day 4 assignment


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#1 Um_2_4

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Posted 06 October 2016 - 10:31 AM

This is written by DS12, 7th grade. Writing is right up there with his least favorite subjects :). Any feedback appreciated. Thanks

 

Johannes Kepler studied heliocentricism at his university in the 1590s. Some scientists of the time said the sun was the center of the solar system and this was called heliocentricism. Although most astronomers believed that the Earth was at the center of the solar system and this is called geocentricism.

After his studies, Kepler worked as an assistant to Tycho Brahe. He assisted Brahe in studying the movement of the planets. They could not answer the question of why Mars seemed to move at different speeds. Before Brahe died in 1601, he asked Kepler to continue his work.

Several years later, Kepler hypothesized that Mars orbit must be an ellipse.  He then put forth Kepler’s First Law of Planetary Motion which stated “Planets move in elliptical orbits, sun is one focal point”. He published his findings in Astronomia Nova in 1609.

 

 

 

 



#2 mamaraby

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Posted 06 October 2016 - 10:45 AM

Ds (6th) was working on this one on Monday. So, compared to ds' first draft (lacking actual sentences) this is head and shoulders above his. I'll just be following along to see what others say. :)
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#3 nansk

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Posted 06 October 2016 - 10:55 AM

I like it. Just some minor editing needed.
 
Johannes Kepler studied heliocentricism at his university in the 1590s. Some scientists of the time said that the sun was the center of the solar system and this was called they called this heliocentricism. Although most astronomers believed that the Earth was at the center of the solar system and this is called they called this geocentricism. (He uses scientists and astronomers interchangeably. Perhaps he should only use astronomers.)
After his studies, Kepler worked as an assistant to Tycho Brahe. He assisted Brahe in studying the movement of the planets. They could not answer the question of why Mars seemed to move at different speeds. Before Brahe died in 1601, he asked Kepler to continue his work.
Several years later, Kepler hypothesized that Mars' orbit must be an ellipse.  He then put forth Kepler’s First Law of Planetary Motion which stated, “Planets move in elliptical orbits; the sun is one focal point.” He published his findings in Astronomia Nova in 1609.

Edited by nansk, 06 October 2016 - 10:57 AM.

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#4 nansk

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Posted 06 October 2016 - 09:04 PM

Slightly OT: Do you plan to have him read The Elements of Style?

Another similar book, in a more workbook style, is Writing Skills Success in 20 Mins a Day (Learning Express).


Edited by nansk, 06 October 2016 - 09:08 PM.

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#5 Um_2_4

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Posted 06 October 2016 - 09:36 PM

Slightly OT: Do you plan to have him read The Elements of Style?

Another similar book, in a more workbook style, is Writing Skills Success in 20 Mins a Day (Learning Express).

 

Thanks for that book recommendation. I think that would be a good fit for him.