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It's probably just me having a bad day, but. . .


Alicia64
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my two teen boys were being annoying this a.m.. Yesterday was horrible and I thought, no, I won't go down the poor-me road again today. So I grabbed our darling German shepherd dog and went to our local dog park.

 

I get there and I'm chucking the ball for him w/ the Chuck It and a lady in the park starts talking to me. She just moved to our state -- in town only 30 days -- so I struck up a friendly conversation hoping the interaction would take me out of my teen doldrums.

 

Her: "Me, me, me. Me some more. And more me."

 

Me: "Oh, how nice."

 

Her: "My daughter. My daughter's schedule. My daughter. My daughter some more and back to me."

 

Me: "Oh. Nice schedule.You must be proud."

 

Her: "Here's how you handle a German shepherd dog. You have to be the alpha, if you're not the alpha, blah, blah, blah."

 

Me: (Thinking) Gee I've never heard any of this before. All new info. for me.

 

This went on for about ten mins. and I finally politely walked away looking for more balls to throw.

 

I left the park later thinking: are there just a ton of Me-Me people in the world or do I just draw them to me?

 

Please don't attack -- that's what I have teens for.

 

Alley

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Maybe you just attract the Me Me Me people. I tend to attract all of the special needs and mentally ill adults...and kids.

 

Once I ended up helping a challenged couple find clothes for their child in the right size at Walmart as they had no clue where to find the correct size...or even what size it would be.

 

Another time I was at a 300 people conference and a little boy adopted me when he was scared.

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I've found that folks who rarely get* to talk with others tend to build it all up inside and have trouble stopping when they find an outlet.   Since she's new to town, I suspect she's in that category.  There are others - esp those who drive everyone off when all they do is talk about themselves and never listen, but right now I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, 'cause that's my style.

 

*Note:  This is totally different from those who don't want to talk with others about themselves.  There are different types of people.

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The absolute worst people for this are writers. Seriously, they are so bad. I never go to writerly things with dh anymore. because I spend all night listening to their narcissistic little selves (apologies to any writers in the forum, it's more just the men, tbh).

 

:lol: Yeah.....

It's being trapped in our heads with all our characters yelling, "Me!Me!Me!" all the time. 

 

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There are a lot of me people in this world.

 

I feel sorry for them. They haven't learned the skill of conversation.

 

The ONLY thing you can do with someone like that is be just as aggressively 'Me!' Or yeah, walk away.

 

The absolute worst people for this are writers. Seriously, they are so bad. I never go to writerly things with dh anymore. because I spend all night listening to their narcissistic little selves (apologies to any writers in the forum, it's more just the men, tbh).

 

I really wanted to be offended...but I acknowledge it is true :)

 

I was always a talker as a kid/young adult. Now however, by the end of the day with three kids I just crave silence too much to even want to hear myself :)

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my two teen boys were being annoying this a.m.. Yesterday was horrible and I thought, no, I won't go down the poor-me road again today. So I grabbed our darling German shepherd dog and went to our local dog park.

 

I get there and I'm chucking the ball for him w/ the Chuck It and a lady in the park starts talking to me. She just moved to our state -- in town only 30 days -- so I struck up a friendly conversation hoping the interaction would take me out of my teen doldrums.

 

Her: "Me, me, me. Me some more. And more me."

 

Me: "Oh, how nice."

 

Her: "My daughter. My daughter's schedule. My daughter. My daughter some more and back to me."

 

Me: "Oh. Nice schedule.You must be proud."

 

Her: "Here's how you handle a German shepherd dog. You have to be the alpha, if you're not the alpha, blah, blah, blah."

 

Me: (Thinking) Gee I've never heard any of this before. All new info. for me.

 

This went on for about ten mins. and I finally politely walked away looking for more balls to throw.

 

I left the park later thinking: are there just a ton of Me-Me people in the world or do I just draw them to me?

 

Please don't attack -- that's what I have teens for.

 

Alley

I wonder if because she was new to the area, if perhaps, things had built up and she just had to spill it at someone. I have had those days before.

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I attract those MeMe people too.... or else I seem to bring out that side of people when I talk to them... ðŸ™

 

DS20 is like Ottakee above in that he definitely draws in the folks with more challenges. It's like flies to honey when you watch him. I think iit is because he is a highly empathic individual who is somewhere in the ASD spectrum himself, but whatever it is, they track him down and talk his ears off.

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There are a lot of me people in this world.

 

I feel sorry for them. They haven't learned the skill of conversation.

 

This. My son is on the spectrum and has been doing social skills classes with the focus on having conversations, starting conversations, etc. They have been really helpful and good, and one of the things he's taken away from it is that many people could use similar classes. Plenty of teens especially just haven't learned the give and take of conversation. I think in some cases with kids it's of maturity and they eventually figure it out, but then there are those like the lady at the park. And everyone has encountered a few of those people in life!

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I sometimes attract the "me" people too, but that is because I don't really like to lead a conversation.

 

But, I think in this situation Creekland may be right.   But then again, if I were in that situation I don't think I'd start off by by being a "know-it-all" (the dog training part). 

 

Sorry it was a bad day.  I don't what you mean about teens.   I remember realizing when some of my older kids hit that stage that I had about 20 more years of being the "family idiot" ;)  Oh the perks of a large family.

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I attract the children who need someone to listen. As the mother of a nonstop talking Aspie, I understand that these children may very well have an involved, but exhausted adult in their lives. Sometimes I'm annoyed that I have to listen to another child talk my ear off.

 

For the specific situation mentioned by the OP, I encourage grace. It's hard to move. There's no one to talk to about anything. You feel so incredibly alone. It's easy to lose your head when someone is kind (because, honestly, kindness is rare). I move a lot. I know.

I'm so worried that I'll be the woman the OP described that I become the You You You woman instead. Seriously, moving is hard. :-)

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My MIL is like this. I only talk to her on the phone a few times in the year and that still drives me crazy. I talked to her last night and ugh, everything is about her. I am kind of furious today reliving the conversation. She went on and on about how hard it has been for her that DH is deployed this year. Nevermind that she often goes a year at a time without seeing him since we live a couple states away. He's not a in a warzone so it's not anxiety over his safety. I wanted to scream "how on earth is this even as hard for you as it is for me?" But I am too nice for that. She shared every story she could think of about when FIL worked out of town when her kids were little and at one point I told her that having a spouse deployed was in it's only special category. I think she was offended that I didn't love the way she was trying to sympathize with me.

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For the specific situation mentioned by the OP, I encourage grace. It's hard to move. There's no one to talk to about anything. You feel so incredibly alone. It's easy to lose your head when someone is kind (because, honestly, kindness is rare). I move a lot. I know.

I'm so worried that I'll be the woman the OP described that I become the You You You woman instead. Seriously, moving is hard. :-)

 

Just for conversation sake -- not to be difficult -- I've made major moves too. So when she said she'd just moved here, I made an extra effort.

 

But when I'm brand new to a place, I try to get good info: car guy you love? great hair stylist? etc. (And deep down, I'm hoping I'll make a friend.) I wouldn't blab about me or give pointed advice on how to train a person's own dog -- all the while implying that the other is being too much of a wimp w/ the dog.

 

I don't know how to do multiple quotes: I gave the idea that she is an Aspie long thought. . .and I think that might be the case. I have people on the spectrum in my life, but they're male. I rarely think to remember that women in their 50's and 60's can be Aspie too.

 

As for the "you, you, you" folks: I've only known one in my life. And I liked her so much, but boy, I sure felt exposed at the end of our conversations. I don't think she meant it to be that way, but she would pepper me with questions and I'd leave every conversation thinking that I needed to handle it differently next time.

 

1) I'm new to having teens and it's way more difficult and painful then I expected so I have bad days.

 

2) I was raised with full-on narcissistic people who were incredibly grandiose and "me, me, me" too. My buttons are pushed when I encounter anyone doing the "me, me, me" thing.

 

3) But, yeah, there's a great chance this woman was on the spectrum and just didn't have conversation skills.

 

Thanks everyone! And sorry I don't know how to multiple quote -- you were all really helpful!

 

Alley

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Hey everyone!! I figured out how to do a multiple quote!!

 

Some people are "you, you, you" people too.

I have met people who ask about me but when I volley it back they come back with another question for me.

That makes me just as uncomfortable as "me, me, me".

As I mentioned, one friend did this all the time and it was so uncomfortable. I honestly think she didn't feel comfortable in conversation and so chose this route.

 

This. My son is on the spectrum and has been doing social skills classes with the focus on having conversations, starting conversations, etc. They have been really helpful and good, and one of the things he's taken away from it is that many people could use similar classes. Plenty of teens especially just haven't learned the give and take of conversation. I think in some cases with kids it's of maturity and they eventually figure it out, but then there are those like the lady at the park. And everyone has encountered a few of those people in life!

 

I gave your post long thought. I think you're right. When I think about this lady as a whole, she very much now seems like a female Aspie. Thanks for cluing me in.

 

I sometimes attract the "me" people too, but that is because I don't really like to lead a conversation.

 

But, I think in this situation Creekland may be right.   But then again, if I were in that situation I don't think I'd start off by by being a "know-it-all" (the dog training part). 

 

Sorry it was a bad day.  I don't what you mean about teens.   I remember realizing when some of my older kids hit that stage that I had about 20 more years of being the "family idiot" ;)  Oh the perks of a large family.

 

"Family idiot" cracked me up. So I should be happy I just have two? I've always wished I had more -- until now.

 

:lol:   DD was on her cycle last week and was a complete booger.  No matter what I said it was wrong.  I hear you.

 

Oh, thank you for understanding. I wasn't prepared for the teen-stage because I was hoping that by being homeschooled we could side-step some of the attitude. No such luck. I often joke -- not out loud -- that I didn't know boys could get their cycle. One of mine is SO dramatic and snotty. (But he was also my barnacle baby so I try to remember that he needs to individuate from me. Still hard.)

 

Thanks again!

 

Alley

 

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What's sad to me is that people like this probably really crave the interaction, but aren't likely to develop long-term friendships with people away unless they learn to be a little less one-sided in their conversations.

 

ETA: I toy with the idea of sending my MIL a self-help book about how not to talk about yourself all the time. (That exists, right?) But she doesn't know anyone else in my state and the postage stamp would give me away.

Edited by DesertBlossom
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Or just desperately lonely and it all spilled out as someone else said. It doesn't help you when you needed an actual interactive chat though. Hope your boys are less growly this week! :)

 

Hey Zoobie! I think of you every time I make pizza!!

 

Being lonely doesn't equal what she did the other day. As you know, I've moved a lot and have traversed the loneliness map more than I would like.

 

I'm thinking there's a likely chance she's always me-me when she talks. The Aspie suggestion made the most sense.

 

I'm actually thinking of getting the boys a fall pass to SkyZone. Maybe wearing them out would help.

 

Thanks again for the pizza help!

 

Alley

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What's sad to me is that people like this probably really crave the interaction, but aren't likely to develop long-term friendships with people away unless they learn to be a little less one-sided in their conversations.

 

ETA: I toy with the idea of sending my MIL a self-help book about how not to talk about yourself all the time. (That exists, right?) But she doesn't know anyone else in my state and the postage stamp would give me away.

 

I think you nailed it.

 

Ha-ha about the stamp and your MIL!

 

Edited by Alicia64
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Hey Zoobie! I think of you every time I make pizza!!

 

Being lonely doesn't equal what she did the other day. As you know, I've moved a lot and have traversed the loneliness map more than I would like.

 

I'm thinking there's a likely chance she's always me-me when she talks. The Aspie suggestion made the most sense.

 

I'm actually thinking of getting the boys a fall pass to SkyZone. Maybe wearing them out would help.

 

Thanks again for the pizza help!

 

Alley

SkyZone might help! We practically lived at Jumpoline last winter.

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What's sad to me is that people like this probably really crave the interaction, but aren't likely to develop long-term friendships with people away unless they learn to be a little less one-sided in their conversations.

 

ETA: I toy with the idea of sending my MIL a self-help book about how not to talk about yourself all the time. (That exists, right?) But she doesn't know anyone else in my state and the postage stamp would give me away.

I'll mail it for 'ya. [emoji6]

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Well that sucks. But maybe she's oblivious and needs someone to jump in and piggy back on something she said. "Oh yeah, my son's schedule blah blah blah."

 

Sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to not hog a conversation. I know this is a flaw. It's such an obvious thing, that a good conversation should be about 50/50, but yet it's so easy for some of us to miss that. Maybe it's never been brought to her attention. She sounds kind of bossy, though, lol. I wasn't there, but it sounds like she should work on her approach if she's trying to teach others. I'd find that approach abrasive and probably avoid her haha.

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