Getting rid of 'sentimental' items

[Moxie]

I'm working hard to declutter this house and I need to talk to someone about 'sentimental' objects.  By 'sentimental', I mean objects that should be important but aren't.  I'm not getting rid of actual sentimental objects (I have a huge box of homemade baby blankets that take up a ton of space but I'm saving them anyway because they are special). 

 

My MIL gave each child a Precious Moments figure at their Baptism.  They are all the same one.  They are all in boxes in a closet.  I doubt my kids will ever want them.  I certainly don't want them.

 

A family friend gave us tiny baby spoons and forks with each child's birthday engraved on it.  They are all still in a box, in a closet.

 

I have each child's Baptismal Candle.  Will they ever want those? Probably not.  If my Mom handed me a plain white candle used at my Baptism, I'd probably be like, "WTH, you should have pitched this 40 years ago!"

 

There is just a lot of that kind of stuff that I'm keeping because?  I'm supposed to keep them?  I don't want them.  I doubt my kids will want them.  So, do I get rid of them?

[maize]

Take a photo, toss the item.

[Happy]

Is it harder because the things belong to your kiddoes? If they are old enough, have them decide.

 

Otherwise, KonMari the heck out of the stuff--does it spark joy? If not, it goes.

 

I have stuff like that as well that needs to go away. AND I'm so trying not to be the MIL/Grandmom who gives 'stuff' like that. Harder than it seems somedays...

[Spryte]

Take a photo, toss the item.

This.

[hjffkj]

I would toss that kind of stuff without guilt. Keep the things that actually mean something to you and your family and toss the things that people gave as sentimental gifts but just aren't.

[gardenmom5]

child's mementos... do they know about them?

 

some kids want the sentimental stuff - others don't.

I understand about baby silver.  I wish my mother hadn't bought it for my kids.  then I'd just have to store it.  but I also have my father's engraved baby spoon, and china baby dish.  those do mean something - they were actually used.  as opposed to so many that today never do becasue they're impractical.

[Guest]

I'm working hard to declutter this house and I need to talk to someone about 'sentimental' objects. By 'sentimental', I mean objects that should be important but aren't. I'm not getting rid of actual sentimental objects (I have a huge box of homemade baby blankets that take up a ton of space but I'm saving them anyway because they are special).

 

My MIL gave each child a Precious Moments figure at their Baptism. They are all the same one. They are all in boxes in a closet. I doubt my kids will ever want them. I certainly don't want them.

 

A family friend gave us tiny baby spoons and forks with each child's birthday engraved on it. They are all still in a box, in a closet.

 

I have each child's Baptismal Candle. Will they ever want those? Probably not. If my Mom handed me a plain white candle used at my Baptism, I'd probably be like, "WTH, you should have pitched this 40 years ago!"

 

There is just a lot of that kind of stuff that I'm keeping because? I'm supposed to keep them? I don't want them. I doubt my kids will want them. So, do I get rid of them?

IMO, there is no point in keeping things that "should" be sentimental. I do keep things that are *actually* sentimental to me, but I had to pitch a bunch of things my mother saved for me for forty years. It groused me that she made these things my problem. She kept things like a yellow newspaper from the day I was born, some moldering report cards and spelling sheets where I got 100%, a ceramic wall hanging commemorative of my birth, etc. i mean, I understand the idea behind saving them, but I'm not big on keeping objects just because it was from "the day XYZ happened." And, although I find daily life historical documents very interesting, I would frankly rather browse through such things on-line or in a museum than have it in my own closet.

[Valley Girl]

I totally understand needing to limit the number of sentimental keepsakes. However, I'd be hesitant to discard those particular items because they belong to the children, not to me, and were given for a milestone event. I'd hold onto them and let the kids decide what to do with them when they're older. But that's just me. If there's no chance the kids will EVER know about them, then there's no real risk in tossing them if you feel strongly about it. I just wouldn't want the kids to find out from someone else ("Oh, where's the engraved silver fork and spoon I gave you...") and ask me about them later. Just in case they'd feel differently.

[regentrude]

If you don't want them, don't feel guilty and just give them away if it is anything that somebody can use or throw them out if there are no takers.

Just.do.it.

[Guest]

I totally understand needing to limit the number of sentimental keepsakes. However, I'd be hesitant to discard those particular items because they belong to the children, not to me, and were given for a milestone event. I'd hold onto them and let the kids decide what to do with them when they're older. But that's just me. If there's no chance the kids will EVER know about them, then there's no real risk in tossing them if you feel strongly about it. I just wouldn't want the kids to find out from someone else ("Oh, where's the engraved silver fork and spoon I gave you...") and ask me about them later. Just in case they'd feel differently.

The thing is, once an object is gone, it's just gone, and for most people, adaptation is swift. Back when people first started handing down precious object like a silver baby spoon, they represented a monetary value that the recipient may never duplicate in his or her lifetime. But for most first-world people, a silver spoon is meaningless because they aren't going to melt it down to buy a cow, KWIM?

 

Here's a quick story: i recently broke the lid on my china sugar bowl my grandmother gave me. I'm pretty sentimental about it because I no longer have my grandmother and this is a rare thing she gave me that I kept and loved. So, for a few days, I considered replacing the lid or the sugar bowl entirely with an identical item. But as the days have passed, I find it doesn't matter. My grandmother is not embodied in the sugar bowl and a replacement bowl would not be the one she gave me. So now that it is broken, it is just in the past - I had this sugar bowl for 22 years and now I have a different, serviceable one.

 

My point is, once the object finds itself out of your life, it's just time to move on. Unless something is very unusual about a particular child's emotional fragility, it can't matter that he once had a baby spoon but mom got rid of it.

[lllll]

nm

Edited October 4, 2016 by Cathi

[Seasider]

I have big Rubbermaid tubs in the storage room, for each kid. Mementos go in there. If it gets full, something's gotta get photographed or tossed. That's the amount of space I can reasonably devote to saving things that aren't sentimental to me personally, and not sentimental enough to my children for them to want them in their own spaces at present.

 

Pitch the candles. They'll just melt in storage and ruin something that is actually precious.

[Lady Florida.]

 

Here's a quick story: i recently broke the lid on my china sugar bowl my grandmother gave me. I'm pretty sentimental about it because I no longer have my grandmother and this is a rare thing she gave me that I kept and loved. So, for a few days, I considered replacing the lid or the sugar bowl entirely with an identical item. But as the days have passed, I find it doesn't matter. My grandmother is not embodied in the sugar bowl and a replacement bowl would not be the one she gave me. So now that it is broken, it is just in the past - I had this sugar bowl for 22 years and now I have a different, serviceable one.

 

 

 

This, especially the bolded. My mother saved things that reminded her of people or events. While I understand that sentiment, it was painful for my brother and me to go through so much stuff after she passed. Things aren't where the memories are. Keep the people in your heart. Take a photo if you want, but don't hold on to stuff that has no real meaning or purpose.

 

As for the items that belong to your dc, if they're old enough you can ask them but you don't have to. Chances are those things have more meaning to you than to them. You remember the babies that were given those items. They have no real sentimental value to your children, just to you.

[Lady Florida.]

 

Here's a quick story: i recently broke the lid on my china sugar bowl my grandmother gave me. I'm pretty sentimental about it because I no longer have my grandmother and this is a rare thing she gave me that I kept and loved. So, for a few days, I considered replacing the lid or the sugar bowl entirely with an identical item. But as the days have passed, I find it doesn't matter. My grandmother is not embodied in the sugar bowl and a replacement bowl would not be the one she gave me. So now that it is broken, it is just in the past - I had this sugar bowl for 22 years and now I have a different, serviceable one.

 

 

 

This, especially the bolded. My mother saved things that reminded her of people or events. While I understand that sentiment, it was painful for my brother and me to go through so much stuff after she passed. Things aren't where the memories are. Keep the people in your heart. Take a photo if you want, but don't hold on to stuff that has no real meaning or purpose.

 

As for the items that belong to your dc, if they're old enough you can ask them but you don't have to. Chances are those things have more meaning to you than to them. You remember the babies that were given those items. They have no real sentimental value to your children, just to you.

[marbel]

The thing is, once an object is gone, it's just gone, and for most people, adaptation is swift. Back when people first started handing down precious object like a silver baby spoon, they represented a monetary value that the recipient may never duplicate in his or her lifetime. But for most first-world people, a silver spoon is meaningless because they aren't going to melt it down to buy a cow, KWIM?

 

Here's a quick story: i recently broke the lid on my china sugar bowl my grandmother gave me. I'm pretty sentimental about it because I no longer have my grandmother and this is a rare thing she gave me that I kept and loved. So, for a few days, I considered replacing the lid or the sugar bowl entirely with an identical item. But as the days have passed, I find it doesn't matter. My grandmother is not embodied in the sugar bowl and a replacement bowl would not be the one she gave me. So now that it is broken, it is just in the past - I had this sugar bowl for 22 years and now I have a different, serviceable one.

 

My point is, once the object finds itself out of your life, it's just time to move on. Unless something is very unusual about a particular child's emotional fragility, it can't matter that he once had a baby spoon but mom got rid of it.

 

Yes to this!   

 

I have a few things I've been struggling to get rid of.  One is an old teapot that was my mom's and someone else's before her.  It's kind of pretty, but too small for my use.  It's probably full of lead.  But I feel guilty getting rid of it.  I might be getting close, though, especially after reading this thread.  :-)

 

I do think about burdening my children with a bunch of unwanted stuff when I am dead.  As it is now, my kids will be burdened by their dad's stuff but not so much of mine.  He keeps everything.  This will sound weird because I do love my husband and don't want to lose him, but sometimes when I am looking at all the stuff around here, I hope he dies first, and while I am still capable of cleaning and purging.  Not next week or in the next decade, OK?   Just give me enough time to rid myself of some of his crap before it falls on my kids to deal with.  

 

That comment is slightly tongue-in-cheek, but not completely.   :-)

 

I like the idea of taking a photo and getting rid of the stuff.  But if the stuff really belongs to the kids, and they know about it, I would not get rid of it without their permission.

[Guest]

IMO, there is no point in keeping things that "should" be sentimental. I do keep things that are *actually* sentimental to me, but I had to pitch a bunch of things my mother saved for me for forty years. It groused me that she made these things my problem. She kept things like a yellow newspaper from the day I was born, some moldering report cards and spelling sheets where I got 100%, a ceramic wall hanging commemorative of my birth, etc. i mean, I understand the idea behind saving them, but I'm not big on keeping objects just because it was from "the day XYZ happened." And, although I find daily life historical documents very interesting, I would frankly rather browse through such things on-line or in a museum than have it in my own closet.

 

I just have to say AMEN to this. My Mom and MIL have both ditched us with their sentimental stuff they kept for all these years, but no longer want in their own houses because of the room it takes up. It's totally unfair. We don't want it. But when I started pitching it you should have heard the fits that ensued. So now I have this family reputation as the cold heartless unsentimental one because I dared part with it. If it meant so much they should've kept it. To me once you give something to someone else you better be okay with whatever they decide to do with it- especially if they told you in advance they really didn't want it!!! 

 

To me those kind of gifts are sentimental to parents, not generally kids. Coming from someone who has been burdened from both sides with trinkets (and china and quilts) I say ditch it. Save your kids the guilt later for them having to do it. :) 

 

I am sentimental about people and experiences. Not really things. 

[Tanaqui]

My parents and grandparents all struggled with hoarding. My mother, the only one of that set still alive, still does, and it was especially bad after my father died.

 

The thing about hoarding is you have so much stuff, but you can't ever keep anything. No matter how precious it is, it gets lost, it gets destroyed, you urgently have to call in a plumber so you have to clean and the only way to do that is to get a shovel and start filling garbage bags and - whoops! - you don't realize until three months later that you tossed something irreplaceable.

 

And the first dozen or so times you realize you no longer have that photo or that trophy you were so proud of or that baptismal candle, it hurts. Sure.

 

But you know what? It's just stuff. No matter how important you thought it was, once it's really gone? You don't care anymore. Lots of people have trouble grasping this at an emotional level, not just hoarders, but it's true for very nearly everything of dubious "sentimental" value.

 

Now, decluttering can go too far, and not every useless item is a sign of hoarding. But if nobody actually cares about these items, and they're utterly useless - toss them out! You've already spent far too much mental space on this decision.

[Guest]

I just have to say AMEN to this. My Mom and MIL have both ditched us with their sentimental stuff they kept for all these years, but no longer want in their own houses because of the room it takes up. It's totally unfair. We don't want it. But when I started pitching it you should have heard the fits that ensued. So now I have this family reputation as the cold heartless unsentimental one because I dared part with it. If it meant so much they should've kept it. To me once you give something to someone else you better be okay with whatever they decide to do with it- especially if they told you in advance they really didn't want it!!!

 

To me those kind of gifts are sentimental to parents, not generally kids. Coming from someone who has been burdened from both sides with trinkets (and china and quilts) I say ditch it. Save your kids the guilt later for them having to do it. :)

 

I am sentimental about people and experiences. Not really things.

Are you my sister?? My Mom and MIL have so much stuff and it is such a burden to us. I would have never asked for my old stuffed animals but now they are in my house. What do I do with them? I guess I'll throw away my old toys? Ouch.

 

A big part of my current decluttering is thinking about what my children will actually want some day. I'm even tiptoeing around the idea of getting rid of some scrapbooks?? I have shelves of albums. Are they going to be a joy or a burden to my kids some day??

[Carol in Cal.]

I'd give them to your kids when they are grown up, tell them the stories about these, and tell them that you don't care whether they keep them or not but you thought it should be their decision as grown ups.

 

My whole life I never saw my grandmother knit.  But when I was pregnant, my mom pulled out an old, rather bright pink knit baby blanket that was completely unfamiliar to me.  I am the oldest of 4 kids, and I never saw this used for my siblings.  Anyway, the story was that when my mom was pregnant with me, my grandmother was so determined that I HAD TO be a girl that she knit this very bright pink baby blanket for me that would have been useless if I had turned out to be a boy.  

 

This made me so happy, because a lot of families want boys, but someone wanted ME, as a GIRL.  

 

I used it to wrap up my own daughter on the way home from the hospital.  I hope that someday she will treasure it, too.

 

That's an example of something not in routine use that was very valued because of its meaning, down the road.

 

 

[PrairieSong]

I would burn the candles, maybe during family prayer time, or at a special family holiday dinner. I'd probably ask the kids if they want the other items, and I'd have a talk with them about why I don't want to keep so much stuff. I might take a photo but it sounds like much of the stuff you have isn't sentimental to anyone. It's just stuff. I've given away tons of that kind of thing. When my aunt was dying of cancer years ago, she bought each of my girls a little silver jewelry box, not expensive but just as a memento of her. I can't remember what she bought for the boys. I really appreciated the thought, but the girls didn't use them. A few years later I found them and donated them. We still have fond memories of my aunt. Those aren't gone because I got rid of some material items.

 

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

[mlktwins]

I am going through my old stuff now. I've made the decision to get rid of a lot of it because I don't want my kids to be burdened with it later. Things like a dough ornament of a graduate with my name and the year I graduated on it. My mom gave this to me and she is gone now. It is special to me, but honestly, it has been in a box for many years (since before she died). I really don't want to display it and it isn't special to my boys. So...in the trash it is going. I actually think my mom would be proud of me for trying to simplify my life by not keeping unwanted stuff. Keeping it won't bring her back and she would want me to be happy and not burdened by stuff.

 

I am a picture hoarder -- pictures of my boys for the past 11 years!!! That is mostly digital though. I am also keeping a few special blankets, some artwork and handprint things, and a few special toys of my boys. Legos will also be saved. Other stuff is being sold, given away, or tossed.

[Tanaqui]

Are you my sister?? My Mom and MIL have so much stuff and it is such a burden to us. I would have never asked for my old stuffed animals but now they are in my house. What do I do with them? I guess I'll throw away my old toys? Ouch.

 

I just have to say AMEN to this. My Mom and MIL have both ditched us with their sentimental stuff they kept for all these years, but no longer want in their own houses because of the room it takes up. It's totally unfair. We don't want it. But when I started pitching it you should have heard the fits that ensued. So now I have this family reputation as the cold heartless unsentimental one because I dared part with it. If it meant so much they should've kept it.

 

This is fairly common behavior, especially among "hoarders lite". They can't bear to part with the stuff, but they don't actually want it either, so they fob it off on others. (It's actually a step up from people who plan to give or donate items away, but can never bring themselves to go through with it, so they just keep piling up "things to donate".)

 

This is no doubt part of what drives people to bring torn, stained, and stinky items to Goodwill - they don't want their trash, but maybe poor people do!

 

Unless it's something that they'll absolutely notice is missing, I suggest, in the future, simply tossing these items without telling your parents and in-laws. What they don't know really won't hurt them.

 

(I mean, you can sort through it beforehand if you like and then eBay or donate anything in good condition... but let's be honest, that's a lot of time and probably it's not worth it.)

[mlktwins]

A big part of my current decluttering is thinking about what my children will actually want some day. I'm even tiptoeing around the idea of getting rid of some scrapbooks?? I have shelves of albums. Are they going to be a joy or a burden to my kids some day??

So...I have so many pictures of my boys and TONS of unused Creative Memories scrapbooking stuff. I have always hoped to one day get the pictures off my computer and into the books. My boys do want to see them.

 

I think if I had started their books when they were born though, I would have printed so many (too many) pictures. Now that I am 11 years down the road and know what pictures I have, when I finally do get around to getting something together for them (whether with the stuff I already have or in a Shutterfly book), I will be very selective of the pictures I pick to include in their albums. I guess that is one good thing about procrastinating :-). I do have many memories and funny things they said or did written in my yearly calendars so I can at least refer back to those when I get to albums.

[regentrude]

A big part of my current decluttering is thinking about what my children will actually want some day. I'm even tiptoeing around the idea of getting rid of some scrapbooks?? I have shelves of albums. Are they going to be a joy or a burden to my kids some day??

 

I think they will not be a burden if the albums are 1. meticulously organized so kids can find the pics they are looking for (as opposed to a pile of boxes with random pictures) and 2. you make it crystal clear to them that you don't care whether they toss or keep and that you do not expect them to hang onto stuff for sentimental reasons.

 

My parents have a house full of things. Mostly beautiful things - but things. I do not wish to inherit a house full of things and would greatly prefer not to be burdened with the task of disposing/sorting/selecting. Ideally, they'd sell everything and spend the money on cruises and whatnot... yeah, not going to happen.

I hope I will downsize what I own extremely towards the end of my life so my kids don't have to deal with a heap of possessions.

Edited September 29, 2016 by regentrude

[City Mouse]

I would pull out the stuff and use what is useable. Use the candles on birthdays. Put the figurines out in the kid's room. Let them play with it or look at it. If it gets broken, it was great while it lasted. I used the engraved baby spoons, but you can't really do that if the kids are older now.

[Guest]

I would keep the little silver spoons.  Here's why:  time won't decay them and they may have value to someone later on.  Even in a small way.  I am NOT a spoon collector, but as a result of other family members saving things through the years, I have a teeny spoon from each of my dh's grandparents, and from his parents, the ones they used in Scotland and in Norway.  I have the same things from my family's side, and from when I was born.  My dh used his grandmother's.  My son got three sets of sterling at birth; I chose the most beautiful one and kept it.  So now, in a space smaller than a pencil case, I have mementos of multiple generations, of people I never met but who are my forebears.  I'm reminded of them every time I open the drawer.  And, since I have those mementos, I have been able to get rid of a bunch of stuff that takes up a lot more room and is much more subject to decay--the needlepoints and the ceramics and the dishes and so on.  

 

I'll admit that I am not the world's best declutterer, and sentimental stuff is where I go wrong, but I'm not completely in the camp that material things have no meaning or value, even if at one point in time they seem like a burden.  When I was younger, I thought my mom was ridiculous for keeping all my "treasures"--but now I'm glad she kept enough that I got to keep them.  She never would have kept them for the reasons I am keeping them.

 

And about those papers--the report cards and so on?  My MIL kept my dh's grade cards and gave them to me about 25 years ago.  I took a look at them when we were homeschooling and they gave me great encouragement when I was really struggling with my son over math.  My son could cram a half hour of math into 3 hours...it was awful.  Well, I ran across DH's report card from the same age as my son, and it was SO ENCOURAGING because he did not do well in math, nor did he behave himself.  He got Outstandings in everything except math and citizenship; he got a NEEDS IMPROVEMENT in the latter!   And a big explanation of all the things he didn't understand in math.  Well, my dh went on to get a BA in Math and has indeed improved in citizenship.  :0)  The fact that HE turned out OK even as he struggled in the third grade was a super big encouragement to me in dealing with our son.  

 

So, there's that.

 

Just to pipe up--it's my 2cents and I'm overcharging.

 

[Guest]

I would pull out the stuff and use what is useable. Use the candles on birthdays. Put the figurines out in the kid's room. Let them play with it or look at it. If it gets broken, it was great while it lasted. I used the engraved baby spoons, but you can't really do that if the kids are older now.

 

GREAT ideas.  And I *do* use the engraved baby spoons that I didn't tuck away...sugar bowls, salt cellars, beading, espresso, that sort of thing.  Maybe the point isn't to TOSS everything but to USE it.  And let it go when it breaks.  :0)  (I have something I have to deal with in this area...and you have given me the nerve to do it.  Thank you.)

[Spryte]

GREAT ideas.  And I *do* use the engraved baby spoons that I didn't tuck away...sugar bowls, salt cellars, beading, espresso, that sort of thing.  Maybe the point isn't to TOSS everything but to USE it.  And let it go when it breaks.  :0)  (I have something I have to deal with in this area...and you have given me the nerve to do it.  Thank you.)

 

Yes!  We are using the little spoons, and the crystal and the sugar bowls, etc.

 

Not all of it, because quite a lot doesn't fit with our everyday decor, but as much as we can.  A few things have broken, but you know what?  My grandmother would rather see things used than sitting in a box.

 

I had to clean out my mom's house 2 years ago.  She had lived there alone for 25 years, and wasn't a gross hoarder, but my was there a LOT of stuff.  We threw away truckload after truckload, and hauled a good 4 pickup truck sized loads to the curb where people came around took things, before the trash collectors came.  My mom's an artist, and she traded and bartered a lot - so we are talking boxes and boxes of beautiful pottery and framed fine art pieces.  And my favorite was the wedding dress from the 1800s.  Yes.  We left it on the curb - and it was claimed by an art professor, to use in a piece.  :)  All of my old stuffies, tons of boxes of books, just. so. much. stuff.  All of it we gave away or sent to the landfill.  Most, we gave away.  And I have no regrets about any items at all.

 

I brought home a few boxes of china and silver, from my great-grandmother.  But, honestly, I'm now wondering if it was too much.  We're not using it all.  I probably need to go through it and weed out some again.

[Guest]

Are you my sister??

I think I have your blue flowered China and some other mismatched dishes- let me know where I can send it all. ;)

[Guest]

This is fairly common behavior, especially among "hoarders lite". They can't bear to part with the stuff, but they don't actually want it either, so they fob it off on others. (It's actually a step up from people who plan to give or donate items away, but can never bring themselves to go through with it, so they just keep piling up "things to donate".)

 

This is no doubt part of what drives people to bring torn, stained, and stinky items to Goodwill - they don't want their trash, but maybe poor people do!

 

Unless it's something that they'll absolutely notice is missing, I suggest, in the future, simply tossing these items without telling your parents and in-laws. What they don't know really won't hurt them.

 

(I mean, you can sort through it beforehand if you like and then eBay or donate anything in good condition... but let's be honest, that's a lot of time and probably it's not worth it.)

Hoarders Lite is an excellent description! Unfortunate they know some of it's missing because they ask where it is and what we did with it and/or why we aren't using it though, so since I won't lie about it we've had some pretty uncomfortable discussions. The rest we just never talk about. I shove it into a closet or the attic for a year and then if no one has brought it up I pitch it.

 

My mother's mother was so busy raising kids in the days before appliances made life easier, that she didn't have time for baby books and photo albums. I think that stung my mom to not have that stuff, so she went into opposite mode. She's definitely a closet hoarder. Totally organized about it, but a rose is still a rose and all.......I am taking more after my grandmother. That stuff sounds nice but when I get downtime honestly I would rather read (or waste time here!) than scrapbook.

[Tanaqui]

And about those papers--the report cards and so on?  My MIL kept my dh's grade cards and gave them to me about 25 years ago.  I took a look at them when we were homeschooling and they gave me great encouragement when I was really struggling with my son over math.  My son could cram a half hour of math into 3 hours...it was awful.  Well, I ran across DH's report card from the same age as my son, and it was SO ENCOURAGING because he did not do well in math, nor did he behave himself.  He got Outstandings in everything except math and citizenship; he got a NEEDS IMPROVEMENT in the latter!   And a big explanation of all the things he didn't understand in math.  Well, my dh went on to get a BA in Math and has indeed improved in citizenship.  :0)  The fact that HE turned out OK even as he struggled in the third grade was a super big encouragement to me in dealing with our son.  

 

So, there's that.

 

The wonderful thing about the modern era is we can scan this stuff into the computer and save it - I suggest saving it once on your computer, once somewhere online like dropbox, and once on a flash drive.

 

Hoarding stuff online is a lot less of a problem than hoarding stuff IRL.

 

Unfortunate they know some of it's missing because they ask where it is and what we did with it and/or why we aren't using it though, so since I won't lie about it we've had some pretty uncomfortable discussions.

 

If you're not willing to be dishonest then I guess you are kinda stuck. That sucks.

 

(Not saying you SHOULD lie, but I sure wouldn't blame you if you did!)

 

I shove it into a closet or the attic for a year and then if no one has brought it up I pitch it.

 

That's really generous - and btw, that's good decluttering advice for people who aren't willing to go full-on Konmari. Put everything into boxes, and at the end of a year or six months keep only those things you've used. You can have a small box of "exceptions" for things that are used rarely (birth certificates, your flour sifter that you use when prepping a certain cake you bake only when your sister visits from overseas) or that have true sentimental value but are really useless. How big this small box is depends on your circumstances.

 

I think I have your blue flowered China and some other mismatched dishes- let me know where I can send it all. ;)

 

Oooh, no joke, is any of it Corelle/Corning? I have a small collection of the stuff. A small collection that we actually use frequently, I should say :) I'm very careful not to let it get out of hand, but all the same I do so like to drool over it and consider adding more...!

 

[AnniePoo]

I have big Rubbermaid tubs in the storage room, for each kid. Mementos go in there. If it gets full, something's gotta get photographed or tossed. That's the amount of space I can reasonably devote to saving things that aren't sentimental to me personally, and not sentimental enough to my children for them to want them in their own spaces at present.

 

Pitch the candles. They'll just melt in storage and ruin something that is actually precious.

This.  Exactly what I do.  One bin per child.  Keep a random drawing/painting here or there (maybe one per year), a baby outfit, and other cool projects they've done over the years.  It *has* to fit in the bin though.  

 

So for me, I'd keep the spoons and precious moments' stuff, but only if they fit in the bin.

[MEmama]

 

A big part of my current decluttering is thinking about what my children will actually want some day. I'm even tiptoeing around the idea of getting rid of some scrapbooks?? I have shelves of albums. Are they going to be a joy or a burden to my kids some day??

I wonder about this too. I've simplified my memory keeping from when I started scrapbooking when DS was born, but still...it's an album a year and that adds up, you know?

 

My mom has kept scrapbooks forever, at least since she moved to the States and got married. I've always loved looking through the family albums, but then after we left home....well, there are so many of her travels and so on that are specific and important only to her...and there are dozens...what will happen to them all? I certainly don't want to put my DS in the position of feeling guilty if he isn't interested one day.

 

Still, I create our albums for me, and for us, regardless of what will happen to them in the future. They fulfill an important personal role in the present, and that has worth. I do have to remind myself of that on occasion, though.

[Guest]

I only keep sentimental things that are sentimental to me. Like, if someone passes stuff onto me I don't want, I'll tell them flat out that I don't want it and will pass it on or throw it away.

 

In a fire I do have a small box of items that I'd consider hard to replace, like an audio cd of my grandmother dictating part of her biography, but if I didn't remember to grab it I'd be able to get another copy from my mom. All our pictures and such that we care about are backed up remotely. We don't have any clothes or objects that I'd cry over, even my beloved sewing machines or knitting. My kids would probably be much more broken up about their toys or blankets burning but I'd shrug and replace them.

 

I'm really, really not sentimental. And I tell people this flat out. I refuse to let my tiny house be a repository for their memories - only my kids and husband are allowed to do that and we are still somewhat space limited for each of them.

[Guest]

This is fairly common behavior, especially among "hoarders lite". They can't bear to part with the stuff, but they don't actually want it either, so they fob it off on others. (It's actually a step up from people who plan to give or donate items away, but can never bring themselves to go through with it, so they just keep piling up "things to donate".)

 

This is no doubt part of what drives people to bring torn, stained, and stinky items to Goodwill - they don't want their trash, but maybe poor people do!

 

Unless it's something that they'll absolutely notice is missing, I suggest, in the future, simply tossing these items without telling your parents and in-laws. What they don't know really won't hurt them.

 

(I mean, you can sort through it beforehand if you like and then eBay or donate anything in good condition... but let's be honest, that's a lot of time and probably it's not worth it.)

Yes, l'll only pass on something I'd buy myself - working and in good condition, but not right for me anymore. Nothing broken, stained, overly worn, etc.

[Guest]

I think they will not be a burden if the albums are 1. meticulously organized so kids can find the pics they are looking for (as opposed to a pile of boxes with random pictures) and 2. you make it crystal clear to them that you don't care whether they toss or keep and that you do not expect them to hang onto stuff for sentimental reasons.

 

My parents have a house full of things. Mostly beautiful things - but things. I do not wish to inherit a house full of things and would greatly prefer not to be burdened with the task of disposing/sorting/selecting. Ideally, they'd sell everything and spend the money on cruises and whatnot... yeah, not going to happen.

I hope I will downsize what I own extremely towards the end of my life so my kids don't have to deal with a heap of possessions.

I agree with you about the pictures.

 

Also, my mom is the same way with objects. She is actually in the hoarder direction. Once, when I was cleaning at her house, she was giving me a heads-up about all the objects that are "worth real money" and not mere yardsale clutter. I understand why she was doing this but I guarantee none of us kids will want to find fair prices for all these objects. If they are truly "worth money," I would much rather they liquidate them NOW; take a trip or buy a nice leather recliner or whatever. What good is a bunch of old pottery going to do anyone when they pass away?

[Guest]

GREAT ideas. And I *do* use the engraved baby spoons that I didn't tuck away...sugar bowls, salt cellars, beading, espresso, that sort of thing. Maybe the point isn't to TOSS everything but to USE it. And let it go when it breaks. :0) (I have something I have to deal with in this area...and you have given me the nerve to do it. Thank you.)

Yes, I'm big on USING things. That is exactly how it happened that my sugar bowl lid broke - we use it daily. But I would rather have it break because we were using it every day and clumsily knocked it off the counter than for it to sit shut away in the china cabinet, useless.

[Murphy101]

I would pull out the stuff and use what is useable. Use the candles on birthdays. Put the figurines out in the kid's room. Let them play with it or look at it. If it gets broken, it was great while it lasted. I used the engraved baby spoons, but you can't really do that if the kids are older now.

That's what I'd do. Use it if I could.

 

Start celebrating their baptism day or use the candle on their patron saint feast day.

 

The baby engraved spoons could have a loop added easily that would turn them into cute Christmas ornaments. Or they could be added to a small decorative shadow box.

 

Let the kid play with the figurine or sell it. People collect those for some reason.

[Guest]

I just have to say AMEN to this. My Mom and MIL have both ditched us with their sentimental stuff they kept for all these years, but no longer want in their own houses because of the room it takes up. It's totally unfair. We don't want it. But when I started pitching it you should have heard the fits that ensued. So now I have this family reputation as the cold heartless unsentimental one because I dared part with it. If it meant so much they should've kept it. To me once you give something to someone else you better be okay with whatever they decide to do with it- especially if they told you in advance they really didn't want it!!!

 

To me those kind of gifts are sentimental to parents, not generally kids. Coming from someone who has been burdened from both sides with trinkets (and china and quilts) I say ditch it. Save your kids the guilt later for them having to do it. :)

 

I am sentimental about people and experiences. Not really things.

I think my mother actually gives me things because she knows I will get rid of them. If she were to throw it away herself, she would *know* it went in the trash after she kept it for forty years, but if she gives it to me, she can pretend to herself that I might be keeping it.

 

Tangent: my SIL once told me a story about the gift her mother gave her (as an adult). Her mother had gotten a jewelry armoire but presumably she did not know what to do with her sentimental jewelry box she had had since childhood. So she gave it to her daughter for a gift-giving ocassion like Christmas. She wrapped up her ancient jewelry box and gave it to her adult daughter as a gift! *facepalm* When SIL unwrapped it with a puzzled expression, her mother told her this long story about why that jewelry box was so special (TO HER!). SIL was like..."Ooookkkkaaayyyyy...but I don't see why this should mean much TO ME."

 

#badgiftingideas

[Guest]

My parents and MIL did/do the same thing.  My dad gave me all his HO gauge trains, for my son who was not REMOTELY interested, and my dad knew that.  But I took them.  A couple of years later, a low-income family in our parish asked for one thing for their kids for Christmas:  they were interested in ...  you guessed it.  Well, THEY got a fabulous Christmas gift, my dad got a wish that children would enjoy his massive and wonderful collection and I got a big box out of my house.  Win win win.  

 

On the other hand...there is just ... stuff.  My elders are well into their 90s now, so whenever they come over, I use the things they "gave" me.  It doesn't take that much effort.  But when they are gone...and it won't be long, statistically speaking, then we can move the things out of here.  And, a surprise to me, I'm sort of taking to the sort of ... weird ... turkey platter my MIL gave me...and it is my own lovely, store-bought one that is likely to be hitting Goodwill this year.  

[PrairieSong]

My mother's favorite activity was shopping. Dad didn't realize how stuffed the closets were until Mom passed away and we started cleaning them out. Both of them were horrified at the thought of giving away anything that had been a gift from someone. Mom collected stuff, like Christmas plates that were "going to be worth a lot of money someday". I looked on eBay. They're worth barely anything. All the collecting and shopping and gifts from others and stuff passed down from family adds up to a mountain of Stuff. I don't relish the thought of cleaning out that house someday. Both my parents grew up poor. I think that is a major part of the reason Things became so important to them. Things to acquire and to keep.

 

I love my parents. They are/were kind, loving, generous people...BUT...I don't ever want my kids to be burdened cleaning out our house when dh and I are gone. I have purged a lot and need to do more.

 

I can understand keeping baby spoons or china or whatever is important to YOU. I just want to be selective. I feel no compulsion to keep it all, even gifts.

[DesertBlossom]

I like the idea of limiting it to one tote. I am not overly sentimental but there are a few things I would keep. I like the idea of taking pictures of things too.

 

MIL brought over a box of DH's keepsakes a while back. Some of it was interesting. Some of it was not. Like the homemade valentine's day box full of cards from elementary school. It still had candy in it. We chuckled about it and she made the comment that if DH wanted to toss it, that was fine but she didn't want to do it just in he wanted it. Nope.

[heartlikealion]

Maybe the spoons/forks could either be displayed in a case or glued to picture frames. The child's photo could go in the corresponding frame. But only if you just wanted to put them somewhere.

 

I have baptismal stuff I don't know what to do with Lol. I always wondered if it was even appropriate to reuse candles like that? If so, I might consider it as the center of an Advent wreath or something.

 

Currently listening to Simplicity Parenting which actually talks about removing things. Hoping to get some stuff out of this house. I act like a hoarder sometimes.

[HS Mom in NC]

What is the purpose of each item? Not the sentimental purpose, the utilitarian purpose. Blankets and quilts are for keeping warm-put them on the back of the couch during cool weather and use them.  Figurines are for visual display, so give them to the kids to display how they like. Utensils are for serving food, so serve pickles and olives and dip and sugar with the wee forks and spoons. Candles are for light and ambiance, so burn them during the holiday gatherings and mention their origin because people love that kind of thing.

 

Clothing of all kinds can be made into quilts for warmth or for display, including baby blankets.  Quilting can be very simple if you cut out the same sized squares and sew them together randomly.  I think Amish girls usually make their first quilt at around 7 or 8, so if you sew you can have a relatively simple project that incorporates some fabric from lots of sentimental items (not all of it-you can throw the rest away) all into one useful keepsake.  Youtube has tons of helpful videos on how to do things like that.

If you're keeping items so they can trigger a memory for you, take pics and either upload them to a place that prints the books out for you or print out the pics that matter most and have a family event weekend day where everyone helps put them together into a scrapbook while movies or music play in the background.  Put something in the crock pot for dinner and have something easy like sandwiches for lunch and get something done together.

[Carol in Cal.]

On the subject of burdening your kids with stuff after you're gone...

 

I used to make Christmas presents for my other grandmother when I was a kid.  One year it was an embroidered potholder.  Another year it was a set of notecards decorated with felt and pen/ink.  Etc.  After she died, we found all those presents, carefully wrapped in white tissue paper, in a drawer.  Although I made these things for her to use, it made me feel good that she would treasure them so much.  I imagined her pulling them out and look at them and smiling, and it made me happy.  

 

So that kind of sentimental stuff isn't always a bad thing to run across.

[PrairieSong]

On the subject of burdening your kids with stuff after you're gone...

 

I used to make Christmas presents for my other grandmother when I was a kid. One year it was an embroidered potholder. Another year it was a set of notecards decorated with felt and pen/ink. Etc. After she died, we found all those presents, carefully wrapped in white tissue paper, in a drawer. Although I made these things for her to use, it made me feel good that she would treasure them so much. I imagined her pulling them out and look at them and smiling, and it made me happy.

 

So that kind of sentimental stuff isn't always a bad thing to run across.

I don't think finding a few sentimental treasures is burdensome, but mountains of stuff saved over decades definitely can be.