kids birthday on Halloween vent

[athomeontheprairie]

My dd's birthday is on Halloween. I hate it. Hate it. We don't live in a town, but we go to the small town near us to tot. My in-laws USED to live there, my parents moved there. I work there. These are our people.

To tot we will go to my parents house, I'll bring supper for everyone, kiss get changed, tot. Back to grandma's to sort, change then home.

 

EXCEPT, both families want to have cake and ice cream and presents ON THAT DAY. To say it's too much is an understatement.

My mom seems to think birthdays are holy. They aren't. We can have a party another day-she's no less special.

My in-laws seen to think they can show up uninvited and unannounced to my parents home while they wait for the kids to arrive. Or worse-they want to come with us. (Except my kids and friends have their own thing-which is special to me and their mom)

 

Gah. Halloween's a month away and I'm dreading it.

 

Eta: to be clear, I don't necessarily want to EXCLUDE my in-laws (Though, I kinda do, that makes me a horrible person, right?) I just want Halloween to be fun with our kids and their kids friends. And to do birthday on another day. I can't handle that many people in one day. And my one child certainly can't. It also doesn't help that we live so far away-there's a lot of driving that day as well to get to town and home again

Edited September 28, 2016 by athomeontheprairie

[zoobie]

It's your kid. They can suck it.

[athomeontheprairie]

It's your kid. They can suck it.

⤠⤠â¤

Except I need my parents house (supper and changing).

(There is no food in this town, eating addy a restaurant isn't possible because there ISN'T one. Otherwise we could go dressed and just stop by grandparents house)

Edited September 28, 2016 by athomeontheprairie

[MomatHWTK]

Supper at home, change at home. New routine.

[AK_Mom4]

I hear you. Oldest DS was born November 1.

 

Too much going on at that time of year. We escaped the madness bc DH's bday is the fourth and I declared that Birthday Weekend is officially the weekend on or after DH's bday. That guaranteed us at least a few days of separation from Halloween.

 

Seems like traditions are getting intermixed. I'm not sure you could get away with what we did, but it might be worth a try ("DD DESERVES a regular birthday like everyone else!) and schedule it the weekend before Halloween?

[athomeontheprairie]

How far away are they?

 

Far enough that I'd rather eat supper there than at home. But close enough that I drive multiple times a week. It's the dinner, dress, go out part that seems to take a while. Maybe it doesn't everyone, but it does me and my four kids. Takes forever to get twiggy to go out.

 

My in laws don't live in town but aren't Far away (Though not on our way home)

 

I kinda feel like it's competition between them. "If that grandma gets to be with them on Halloween/ her bday *I'm* going to be as well!"

 

As to the rest of your post: that's a lot of birthdays! We have several in September. Dh and ds combine. In December d's and grandpa combine. But we can't combine with my niece (also Sept, wrong side of the family) or my minor bil (late October, but family doesn't want to share. That's a whole venting post of its own since my parents are the ONLY family on my side. The rest of the family is on dhs.)

[Beaniemom]

Oldest dd is Oct 28 so I understand some of the choas. For us it is always which set of grandparents get to visit on which child's birthday since we live 10 hours from 1 and 20 hours from the other. It makes me want to hide when Birthday season arrives.

[nd293]

I'd be clear, with capital letters: "Sally does NOT want to share her birthday with every child in the USA. We'll move her special celebration to 1 Nov at her request."

 

I'm speaking with the authority of a Halloween baby! We don't live in the US, but Halloween is catching on here and I do *not* approve. Spending my early evening with hoards of kids at a Halloween party is simply not my preference for my birthday.

[theelfqueen]

My Oldest is a Halloween baby (21 this year) ... we've always done a bit of birthday but not always the whole cake and ice cream deal (easier as he does not care for cake lol) ... it IS stressful.

 

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[Rachel]

Is your daughter old enough to speak up to grandma and request her birthday be celebrated another day? It isn't an unreasonable request. Decide when you want the family celebration and let everyone know ahead of time when they should show up.

 

We are a family with a lot of birthdays near Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some family members like my MIL don't care if they are celebrated at the same time. My son however prefers a separate celebration.

[MaeFlowers]

Ds is two days before Halloween. It's such a pain even then. And when he was little we were expected go have a second or third birthday party for him 2 hours away for family there. So party on Friday, 4 hours in the car on Saturday going to and from another state, then Halloween on Sunday. I'm glad Ds finally started having only one party with friends.

 

And, yes, it's all dh's family because his parents are divorced and family lives across three states. Don't even get me started on Christmas.

[Farrar]

We've known a couple kids with Halloween adjacent birthdays and when they were little it always seemed sort of nice - pre-set party theme for all birthday affairs. And it always seemed sort of fun because they weren't neighborhood friends, so it was cool for the kids to be able to show off costumes.

 

Not disagreeing with your vent... sounds frustrating. And I agree that they should suck it up and not try to do *more* things on Halloween. Just... you know, other potential perks.

Edited September 28, 2016 by Farrar

[Tap]

I would throw a family party the weekend before. Let her pick a new theme that is not Halloween.  Insist that this year, she is not going to share her birthday.  Let the family know that you really, really want this for her and if she wants it too, then lay heavily into that.   Insist that it is a regular birthday theme and not even a sight of Halloween in decor or presents.  Say it is a one time trial and you are not saying that this will be a new event, but just for this year. let the holidays be separate, so she can decide which way she prefers it.

 

If they ask if they can wait to give her presents until her actual birthday, then let them know that it will be awkward because they are going against her wishes.  

 

There is no reason that they can't give her birthday wishes, and maybe a cupcake or homemade cake, but let Halloween be just Halloween this year.  It will also be more fair for the other kids....if for this year, that Halloween be the focus and not more attention doted on one child. 

Edited September 28, 2016 by Tap

[mamiof5]

I hear you. We had to miss our niece's bday party last year, her bday is the day before, and they hosted it on Halloween. I just couldn't do it, too much.

 

Hope you find a way around it.