Kids Birtbdays

[ReadingMama1214]

We haven't done a party for Dd since her 1st b day. Our plan is to do one big kid party at 5 and then again at 10. This year she'll turn 5 and it's the perfect year for a kid party. Her preschool class only has 6 kids including her. So we could easily have her school and church friends.

 

However, I'd prefer to not have an adult and kids party. I've yet to be invited to a kids birthday where you drop the kids off. It seems that you're now expected to introduce the kids and parents. Having parents increases the cost (more food and drinks) and I'd rather focus on activities with the kids than socializing.

 

How do you go about making it clear that it's a drop off party? Is that even appropriate for 4/5yos? Everyone lives within 15 minutes of where the party is.

[wapiti]

Not all the kids will be comfortable with a drop-off party at 4/5 y.o.  That's probably why you haven't been invited to such a party yet.

 

At that age, my kids have attended parties at a place (e.g. craft project at Michael's) where the parents mostly just stand around and wait in the background.  But, those are expensive.  Of the few whose parents left, there was always one or two who would end up upset/crying/having a meltdown.

[Spryte]

That's a good question.  At that age, we attended and threw parties that included parents.  You're right - it does increase the cost.  But we never asked that kids be dropped off, and I think that's because, for us, we were more comfortable attending with DS as well, so it felt fair.  But our situation was different, as DS had allergies, and we needed to be there to administer epipens if necessary.  So inviting adults as well seemed reciprocal.

 

We are big kid party people, so we throw a lot of them.  I am a total party nerd.  A minimum of 3 per year, and usually end up in the range of 24 kids plus their parents.  We make the invitations somewhat open, so it's clear that entire families are welcome, or just the kid.  (We always invite siblings, too.) It wasn't until the kids hit about 10 that we started having kids show up sans parents.  

 

Maybe you could specify it on the invite?  Drop off time: X, pick up time: Y.   Even so, I'd be prepared for some parents to ask to stay, or just do it as that's what they're used to doing.  Some kids will need their parents there, too.

 

Also - maybe consider asking a few parents for help corralling and herding kids toward games.  I have been known to ask for volunteers at the party, when we were doing something very involved.  (A Cupcake Wars Party comes to mind, we had 6 tables of 6 kids each, and I wanted an adult judge for each table.)

Edited September 27, 2016 by Spryte

[Sara in AZ]

Five is one of our big party years, too. I would just make it clear on the invitation that parents are welcome to drop off or welcome to stay, whichever they are comfortable with.

[nd293]

I wouldn't drop my 4/5yr old off at someone's house for a party unless I knew them well, and I knew they had additional adults. 1 adult for more than 3 or 4 kids of that age would not be ok with me. In general, drop off parties start more at 6/7yrs and up around here, I'd say. (ETA: at that age it's probably 50/50, parents with older children often have other commitments and 'drop and run', other parents stay.) If the party was at a venue it would depend what type of venue, but I'd probably rather stick around.

 

On the other hand, I don't think there's any need to lay on a spread for parents unless the party is specifically at meal time. Coffee and tea and a box of biscuits is fine at home, or just coffee and tea at an outside venue.

Edited September 27, 2016 by nd293

[Barb_]

I'm surprised how many people wouldn't drop off a five year old or an almost five at a friend's house for a party. Maybe have fewer kids whose parents you already know well? You could mention your plans ahead of time so no one is surprised.

[MEmama]

I'm surprised how many people wouldn't drop off a five year old or an almost five at a friend's house for a party. Maybe have fewer kids whose parents you already know well? You could mention your plans ahead of time so no one is surprised.

Same. At that age DS had his parties at the hockey rink, and parents were always so glad to leave and get some free time. Especially if the kids are already in preschool or K, they should be plenty accustomed to not having mom present at all times.

 

Maybe for the parents who want to hang around, you could have jobs for them to do?

[wapiti]

FWIW, the reason someone might not want to drop off a 4-5 y.o. preschooler may have much more to do with the child not being comfortable being left at a strange house with adults who are all strangers, even though their preschool classmates are present, than anything to do with the comfort level of the parents.

 

My kids are probably more sensitive than most, but I doubt we dropped off any of them at a stranger's house as a preschooler.  Believe me, I would have been more than happy to leave, but that was not going to fly.

[SKL]

The parties my kids went to prior to 1st grade were never drop-off parties.  I always called to confirm, and usually it was a matter of the hosts not feeling able to watch so many preschoolers without help.

 

That said, they usually didn't "feed" the adults, other than a piece of cake and glass of juice.

 

To keep your costs under control, you could time the party between meals so just cake and juice would be sufficient "food."  Then just make sure there is something for all the parents to sit on.

 

Alternatively, if you have it at a venue such as Chuck-e-cheez, you could order food for the kids, and the adults could buy their own food separately.

[Rachel]

At the first party where I wanted parents to drop off, I specified on the invitation and again when parents rsvpd. I can't remember the wording but something along the lines of we have plenty of child care, please feel free to run an errand or go on a date during the party. I believe it was around age 5 or 6, but we know all the families pretty well so I wasn't worried. I think one parent stayed. I mostly did that because I really despise attending birthday parties, I would much rather spend my free time doing something else so I wanted the other parents to know they were off the hook as well.

 

I have been to plenty of birthday parties where the food was only intended for the children. Unless the party is at a meal time I don't think parents expect to eat.

[SKL]

And don't worry about you socializing with the other parents.  They will socialize with each other.  You focus on the kids.

[Arcadia]

Does the party venue allow dropoffs? When we were looking at some venues at that age, some require liability waivers from the parents while some require parents to stay on premise.

 

I was invited to a bounce house place party for a friend's three year old where no one cares if kids stay in the birthday room. So a parent would guard the door at all times to prevent any toddler running out to the main area.

[PeachyDoodle]

I was shocked that all the parents stayed at the parties dd went to, even through elementary school. Growing up, I don't remember grown-ups ever staying at parties that weren't for a kid they were close to.

 

I was caught off-guard once when I'd needed to do something else during the party time. We live rural, so it was a good opportunity for me to get things done since the party was in town. Fortunately I was able to ask another parent friend (not the party hosts) to keep an eye on dd while I was gone. I felt terrible, but at the same time, I was surprised. The kids were all 8 or 9 and this was a private party at a skating rink where the chances of losing anybody were slim to none. I really didn't expect anybody to stay.

 

But yeah, they will. One of dd's parties (I think she was 7) was at a pottery painting place that was really TINY. I'd tried to put the word out that parents didn't need to stay, but they stayed anyway. We were packed in like sardines. They brought siblings too -- these were friends dd knew from school, not families where we knew all the kids -- and only one parent even asked if that was okay and offered to pay for the sibling's paint project. Of course I said he was welcome to participate and politely declined the offer to pay, but it was nice to be asked. We had to pay by the piece, and I was a little peeved that everyone else just assumed that an extra kid or two wouldn't matter.

 

IME, adults who are just there to supervise their own kid don't usually eat much, unless you're doing a full meal at a usual mealtime maybe. But I'm sure you're like me and will order extra everything so you can offer it to them anyway.

 

This thread reminds me of that scene in one of the Ramona books where Ramona invites all the neighborhood kids to a party, unbeknownst to her mother. She was like four? five? and yet all those parents either let their kids walk to the Quimbys' house or dropped them off at the sidewalk and drove way, and Mrs. Quimby and Beezus had no choice but to improvise a party for a whole bunch of little kids. Different time, I guess! :laugh:

[SKL]

This thread reminds me of that scene in one of the Ramona books where Ramona invites all the neighborhood kids to a party, unbeknownst to her mother. She was like four? five? and yet all those parents either let their kids walk to the Quimbys' house or dropped them off at the sidewalk and drove way, and Mrs. Quimby and Beezus had no choice but to improvise a party for a whole bunch of little kids. Different time, I guess! :laugh:

 

It reminded me of a scene from Judy Blume (Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing or Superfudge?) where, despite Peter's warning that the kids were too young, they had a drop-off party for Fudge's 3rd birthday (?)  (Forgive me, it's been 30+ years since I read that book.)  It did not go well.  :P

 

 

[City Mouse]

When I have held b-day parties, they have been a mix of parents who drop off and parents who stay. I didn't mind either way, but I never did anything special for the parents. There was enough food (cake, pizza, hot dogs etc) that they could have something if they wanted.

[catz]

When I have held b-day parties, they have been a mix of parents who drop off and parents who stay. I didn't mind either way, but I never did anything special for the parents. There was enough food (cake, pizza, hot dogs etc) that they could have something if they wanted.

 

This.  I would say in the invite parents are welcome to stay or drop off.  I wouldn't do anything special for parents other than maybe have a coffee/tea drink option for cake.  I probably would not do it over a meal time for that age range.  90 minutes is probably a good stretch of time.  A couple activities.  Cake.  Opening gifts if you do that.   

 

[heartlikealion]

I would not have felt comfortable dropping ds off at age 5. But I don't consider myself average on these things, so I don't know how most feel.

 

Not all the kids will be comfortable with a drop-off party at 4/5 y.o.  That's probably why you haven't been invited to such a party yet.

 

At that age, my kids have attended parties at a place (e.g. craft project at Michael's) where the parents mostly just stand around and wait in the background.  But, those are expensive.  Of the few whose parents left, there was always one or two who would end up upset/crying/having a meltdown.

 

I have to disagree, at least in the case of Michael's. We did ds' party there a few months ago. It was one of the most affordable options. We chose the "bring your own craft" option, but even if we hadn't, it was probably among one of the cheaper party choices. You can bring your own food. We brought $5 Hot n Ready pizzas from Little Caesar's and a homemade dessert. For the craft we bought some t-shirts and supplies. Depending on what you own or bring, yes, I guess it could get expensive. But I already owned some craft markers and then bought another pack. Dh bought some spray cans and I made stencils from online pumpkin stencils I printed on card stock and cut out with an exacto knife in case someone just wanted to use that (it matched the party theme).

[mamiof5]

I would mention it on the invitation or evite, but it's for each parent to decide if they drop their kid off or not. Yes, it increases our cost, but we know that ahead of time when deciding to host a party.

[Farrar]

When we started doing drop off parties (maybe age 5 or 6) I'd say it's "drop off" but would say it was okay for parents to stay. I agree it can be awkward at that age if you don't know the family well so I get why some parents want to stay. If it's at a venue, it's a little less intimidating, I think. The venue tends to have programming and a very set time frame. It's like going into a class instead of someone's home. 

[magnificent_baby]

I would not be comfortable dropping off a 5 year old at that age, unless I knew the family really well. In my experience, parents are welcome to stay but don't usually partake in the food or activities. At that age I've always written 'parents are welcome to stay'. I can't think of any particular venue that would charge for adults unless they were directly participating. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I simply would not.  I think you risk people not going.  I wouldn't have dropped my kids off at that age unless I knew the parent. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

When I have held b-day parties, they have been a mix of parents who drop off and parents who stay. I didn't mind either way, but I never did anything special for the parents. There was enough food (cake, pizza, hot dogs etc) that they could have something if they wanted.

 

This was my experience.  There was food for everyone, but really I didn't need to jump in the ball pit or bouncy castle or what not.  I just sat there. 

[ReadingMama1214]

 

 

 

IME, adults who are just there to supervise their own k

 

This thread reminds me of that scene in one of the Ramona books where Ramona invites all the neighborhood kids to a party, unbeknownst to her mother. She was like four? five? and yet all those parents either let their kids walk to the Quimbys' house or dropped them off at the sidewalk and drove way, and Mrs. Quimby and Beezus had no choice but to improvise a party for a whole bunch of little kids. Different time, I guess! :laugh:

 

I feel exactly the same way! My mom never stayed for birthday parties and they were typically at houses or the paint ceramic places. We just read Ramona and I thought "wow no one would just drop their kids off now". Even play dates are a group thing!

 

We would be having the party at our church's building in a larger room that they rent out there. We'd be doing a craft, cake, and pizza. I would do 1-3, except that my 2.5yo naps then, but maybe I will do it then. Avoid lunch and just do snacks! 

 

We would have a few extra adults. My husband would be there as would 1 or 2 moms who have to drive a little ways to come.

 

Also, The siblings attending as well is an issue too. From experience, it seems that people tend to typically bring the entire family. With 1-2 siblings per kids, that is a lot of extra people.

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[heartlikealion]

I feel exactly the same way! My mom never stayed for birthday parties and they were typically at houses or the paint ceramic places. We just read Ramona and I thought "wow no one would just drop their kids off now". Even play dates are a group thing!

 

We would be having the party at our church's building in a larger room that they rent out there. We'd be doing a craft, cake, and pizza. I would do 1-3, except that my 2.5yo naps then, but maybe I will do it then. Avoid lunch and just do snacks! 

 

We would have a few extra adults. My husband would be there as would 1 or 2 moms who have to drive a little ways to come.

 

Also, The siblings attending as well is an issue too. From experience, it seems that people tend to typically bring the entire family. With 1-2 siblings per kids, that is a lot of extra people.

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You might have to pick school friends or church friends. Or limit who you invite from each place, and do it via mail so no one has to see an invitation that wasn't invited. Of course, if kids talk, that might come up.

 

[ReadingMama1214]

You might have to pick school friends or church friends. Or limit who you invite from each place, and do it via mail so no one has to see an invitation that wasn't invited. Of course, if kids talk, that might come up.

 

Well her class is really small. Only 6 kids (including Dd) and church friends would be 4 kids. So only 10 total. But you add siblings and parents and that adds up

[heartlikealion]

Well her class is really small. Only 6 kids (including Dd) and church friends would be 4 kids. So only 10 total. But you add siblings and parents and that adds up

 

Exactly. And if that is a problem, then I think you will have to scale back the invites. :/

 

[ReadingMama1214]

Exactly. And if that is a problem, then I think you will have to scale back the invites. :/

 

Honestly, I think If you're kid is invited to a birthday it is more of a 1parent and the kid come. I don't think that's unreasonable to desire. I'm fine having a few extra kids, just not entire families. Which I don't think is an unreasonable desire.

 

I'm think that if we do the party from 1-3 it would limit younger siblings.

[Spryte]

Well her class is really small. Only 6 kids (including Dd) and church friends would be 4 kids. So only 10 total. But you add siblings and parents and that adds up

 

It does add up.  DS has friends who have 6 siblings, and friends who have 5.  He is friends with at least 3 from each of those families, so I'd never invite just one, but then we end up inviting the whole lot of them.  And their families alone are a party!  :)

 

We have given up, and just invite them all.  Plus, all the neighbor kids  because I could never have a party and leave a kid out.  I would feel awful.  That's how our guest list seems to settle on the 24 - 25 number, but when you add parents, too - it's huge.  Our last party, we specified that everyone would be coming for cake and games.  But still, if your kids have their hearts set on goody bags and all the trappings, wow, does it add up.  

 

I'm not sure if this will help, but we ended up inviting everyone from 3 - 5 pm, for cake and games, and a few select people knew that they were invited for the after-party potluck cookout.  That could have backfired, but it ended up working well.  

 

Whatever you decide, happy planning!

[ReadingMama1214]

It does add up. DS has friends who have 6 siblings, and friends who have 5. He is friends with at least 3 from each of those families, so I'd never invite just one, but then we end up inviting the whole lot of them. And their families alone are a party! :)

 

We have given up, and just invite them all. Plus, all the neighbor kids because I could never have a party and leave a kid out. I would feel awful. That's how our guest list seems to settle on the 24 - 25 number, but when you add parents, too - it's huge. Our last party, we specified that everyone would be coming for cake and games. But still, if your kids have their hearts set on goody bags and all the trappings, wow, does it add up.

 

I'm not sure if this will help, but we ended up inviting everyone from 3 - 5 pm, for cake and games, and a few select people knew that they were invited for the after-party potluck cookout. That could have backfired, but it ended up working well.

 

Whatever you decide, happy planning!

Fortunately we don't have too many friends with large families! Usually 2-3 kids. And Dd doesn't have any friends in our apartment building really.

 

I think we'll do 1-3. That way I can just do snacks and cake and a craft. This is honesty the best year to do it. I doubt she'll ever have a class this small again!

[Rachel]

Fortunately we don't have too many friends with large families! Usually 2-3 kids. And Dd doesn't have any friends in our apartment building really.

 

I think we'll do 1-3. That way I can just do snacks and cake and a craft. This is honesty the best year to do it. I doubt she'll ever have a class this small again!

I think it is reasonable to just invite the one kid in the class and not families. When I get an invitation I always assume it is just for the person named. It's not a big deal if an extra little sister shows up but if every kid brings 2-3 siblings the party can become unmanageable. I wouldn't do that if your daughter is friends with a set of siblings though, in that case you need to invite all of them. My kids are close in age but don't expect to be invited to every party together.

 

Have a fun party!