"Is homeschooling hard?" How do you answer that?

[HS Mom in NC]

I was at my 25 year high school reunion this weekend and I got that question over and over again. Everyone asked in a way that seemed genuinely curious and waited for an answer, so it wasn't a springboard for them to launch into why homeschooling is a bad idea. Even after 16 consecutive years of homeschooling and graduating 2 kids who were homeschooled all the way through, I still feel stumped.  I know they don't want an in depth analysis, but it's too complicated to answer meaningfully. My response was my typical, "Some of it is and some isn't." That seemed to satisfy them but it felt like it was lacking and I'm not completely sure why.  I'm rarely at a loss for words or an explanation. I'm curious how other people answer it when asked by someone who isn't interested in homeschooling their own kids. 

I'm also curious how you would answer that question if someone who was seriously considering homeschooling asked you. Since homeschooling mixes so many different aspects of life: personalities, family dynamics, intuitive ability, learning, teaching techniques, and other things like those, I was wondering how others articulate a response to all that.

[73349]

"It's easier than teaching school!" is my answer--I used to teach middle school. Maybe you can compare it to another kind of work you've done?

 

For me, homeschooling is no harder than any other part of parenting, and easier than some. It depends on who you are and what kind(s) of kid(s) you have.

[Another Lynn]

No.  Parenting is hard.

[Miss Tick]

Off the top of my head I think I would answer, "Not any harder than having a bunch of kids. You just grow into it as you go. Unless you adopt a basketball team you have a few years to get used to each increment." If the conversation continues you can add nuances.

[8filltheheart]

I don't respond with a yes or no answer. My go to response is more along the lines of it takes commitment, time, and energy, but it has been so worthwhile for the benefits to our family.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes it can be hard.  It's a lot like life in general.  It has it's ups and downs, good and bad, super and awful, etc. 

[Dmmetler]

I tend to say that "It's like every job. Some parts are easier, and some are more challenging".

[Arcadia]

For introvert friends, I would say it is as hard as parenting without time off unless you budget in babysitters and drop off activities.  For extrovert friends, I would say it is as hard as parenting.

 

If someone who was seriously considering homeschooling asked, my answer would depend on how confident they are as a person, because there is no school to share the blame for anything that anyone choose to point fingers at.

[freesia]

This is actually something I've been pondering.  And I, also, have difficulty putting it into words.  It's much like having a newborn baby--sometimes so crazy hard you wonder if you can cope, sometimes wonderful and delightful.  Ultimately it's very doable  yet never easy. But still it is not always hard.

 

And the answer changes so much with what age you are teaching (including what is hard and what is easy). It also depends greatly on your children's temperament and learning difficulties.  Not to mention that parenting gets mixed up in it and hard to separate.  I have one who is a dream to school, but at the moment, a challenge to parent.  That I see this child every day all day gets mixed up in the whole thing.  I have another who is difficult to teach, but would not thrive in a classroom (although would be a dream for the teacher behaviorwise).  It is very difficult to teach this child, but an easy decision to homeschool.  It is all mixed up and multi layered after you've been at it for 15 years, you know? 

 

Anyway, you are not alone and the question stumps me, too.

[marbel]

Some days it's easy and some days it's hard.  Some kids are easy and some kids are hard, or they can be easy one day and hard the next.  

 

Which I guess is about what you answered.  I don't think it's lacking anything, if the person asking is not really interested in a comprehensive answer.  

 

If someone is seriously considering homeschooling, I give a more detailed answer.  

[SebastianCat]

I usually answer something along the lines of, "It's my full-time job, just like _____ (fill in the blank) is your job."   When I put homeschooling on the same level with someone else's job or career, they usually understand that there must be some good and some bad.   When I get the response, "I could never do that," I usually try to use the same line of thinking.   "There are a lot of jobs I could never do either, but I'm really glad other people are gifted in those areas and can ______ (fill in the blank - design homes, cut hair, be nurses, etc.)."   By not blaming the schools or the school system, and not blaming other parents for making a different choice, I ~think~ it diffuses some of the arguments against homeschooling.

[StartingOver]

Yes, some days I need Baileys in my coffee. Some days not !

[Rosie_0801]

I say "Yep. But it is worthwhile work" or "Yep, but parenting is no matter what educational choices you make."

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I was at my 25 year high school reunion this weekend and I got that question over and over again. Everyone asked in a way that seemed genuinely curious and waited for an answer, so it wasn't a springboard for them to launch into why homeschooling is a bad idea. Even after 16 consecutive years of homeschooling and graduating 2 kids who were homeschooled all the way through, I still feel stumped.  I know they don't want an in depth analysis, but it's too complicated to answer meaningfully. My response was my typical, "Some of it is and some isn't." That seemed to satisfy them but it felt like it was lacking and I'm not completely sure why.  I'm rarely at a loss for words or an explanation. I'm curious how other people answer it when asked by someone who isn't interested in homeschooling their own kids. 

 

I'm also curious how you would answer that question if someone who was seriously considering homeschooling asked you. Since homeschooling mixes so many different aspects of life: personalities, family dynamics, intuitive ability, learning, teaching techniques, and other things like those, I was wondering how others articulate a response to all that.

 

Last question first.  I've become much more open about the negatives with people who are considering homeschooling.  I have one grad and two older students and I can more clearly see what homeschooling has cost than when they were in elementary.  On the whole it has been an amazing journey for us and I think they have gotten a good education, but There have been 14 years of my not working (both sacrificing income and resume entries).  

 

I also am not very optimistic when people are contemplating homeschooling, but are lacking in both time and money as resources.  I think you can do a good job if you have time OR money (or both).  But I have yet to find a means of homeschooling effectively when the parent doesn't have time to supervise and also cannot afford options that would provide that teaching oversight.  This gets an extra red flag when the student is described as struggling or not motivated.  

 

I think I can say that homeschooling is hard, but it is also rewarding.  Working out is hard (as my trainer will prove to me once again today   :crying: ) I put the time and effort in because I want the results.   I put a lot of time and effort into our homeschool and consider myself an education professional.  The weekend after my kids took the AP European history exam, I was reading a US history textbook while biking at the gym.  

[frogger]

I agree with everything said above. But I haven't really experienced the more or less skilled thing. I think if I taught the same kid and same age every year then that might be the case. But life tends to throw me curve balls and I have to learn to do things differently. I also have more and more kids to school although soon I will start having less and less. The sitting down and teaching is the easy part. The fitting everything in is the difficult part so I would say it is more like cycling. The hills never get easier but you do go up them faster. That would not be helpful to a curious bystander. It might make sense to a mom with littles though. You will be able to do more but the expectations of what needs done will be different.

[stutterfish]

I usually say that homeschooling is the easy part. Its all the other stuff that gets in the way of homeschooling that makes it hard! If I had a cleaner, a cook, a gardener...

[MotherGoose]

Yes, but I also say that at least in the early years, I would rather do it than have to help a tired 6 year old with homework at 4 pm, or sit in carpool/drop off/drive to school for an hour and a half a day, do all the getting ready to go, transitions, etc. I say this in a very nice way. So at least when they are young, I think it's easier than school, which is hard. All parenting and education is hard.

[Hunter]

HomeSCHOOLING is hard for those meant to HOMEschool but are afraid or ashamed to. HOMEschooling is hard for those meant to homeSCHOOL but are afraid or ashamed to.

 

It is hard when we adopt the goals of others instead of pursuing our own passions.

 

It is hard when we get scared. We tend to do stupid things and have to pay the price for that.

 

Christians have verse by their god that says his way is easy. I never understood that when I was a Christian. It took me awhile to realize their god's way was only hard when interpreted incorrectly. When it got hard, if one stopped doing what was hard, after awhile they would see that hard stuff wasn't required by their god.

 

Homeschooling gets hard when we start listening to the wrong people instead of our own hearts and the core of our faith.

 

The way is easy, if we let it be easy. It is easy if we trust.

 

The Artist's Way is about artistic recovery, but so much of the book is full of basic truths. If we step out and be audacious, then synchronicity will catch us.

 

Really, too often, we make it harder than it is. And you know what, looking again to the Christian faith. What is the unforgivable sin? To shake the faith of another? Different denominations say different things. What happens when we shake the faith of another homeschooler? Making it harder than it needs to be?

 

The Artist's Way talks about how child artists are crushed. The damage done to them. They are discouraged and told lies that they believe and they give up their passions and dreams.

 

I wonder how different the answers would be if this question were asked 20 years ago.

 

[Lucy the Valiant]

I call it the "hardest and dearest job I will ever have."

[LMD]

I say that yes it's hard, most worthwhile things are.

 

I don't say that homeschooling is easy anymore, but there are certainly some aspects that are easier than traditional school.

[theelfqueen]

I'd say it's a lot like any other job -- there are great days and not so great days.

 

Some things are hard for me that I know others enjoy (whatever -- there's a lot of example here -- choosing curriculum, planning the day, working on paperwork -for your state, for college applications, etc.) and vice versa. The hardest part for ME personally is the personal, emotional demands of working so closely with my kids, when they're frustrating they're REALLY frustrating and when we butt heads -- well, I still have to LIVE with them! -- this is also sometimes the BEST thing, having that connection with them. Teenagers are still teenagers when they're homeschooled (preteens, too) and sometimes those things are magnified by spending so much time together and sometimes you give grace you might not otherwise, etc.

. 

[Guest]

I tend to say it require more patience and consistency than any sort of special skill. It is difficult in that it takes more energy, self discipline, and creativity than outsourcing to another teacher, especially with multiple students, but the actual teaching is the reward, not the chore.

 

We get to be with our people all day and help shape and guide them into becoming their very best, whatever that ends up being. That's a privilege, and while it is not overly difficult neither is it a task to take lightly. Homeschooling is serious, rewarding, oftentimes fun work that involves the whole family.

 

And some days it needs chocolate and alcohol. Because balance :o

Edited September 20, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Heatherwith4]

I say yes, BUT that I know having kids in ps comes with its own set of difficulties.

TBH, the really hard part about homeschooling is doing all the other stuff I have to do to keep our family running while homeschooling. It's also harder when I let mommy/teacher guilt get the best of me.

[Guest]

Homeschooling isn't actually the hardest job I have had, or am likely to have. It has so many rewards built into it, not the least of which is a high degree of autonomy.

 

Random extra comment, lol

I know, right?

 

I tell my husband all the time how much more difficult his job is than mine, but each of us is very well suited to what we are doing. I mean, doing high level calculus and design checks is like the easiest part of his day because it involves the least bureaucracy and subcontractors, and I get to sleep in, read a chapter of a book, and supervise lessons. I get to see that great look of awe when something clicks and someone makes a connection. My five year old is beginning to read WORDS that you can understand despite missing teeth.

 

My job is more flexible, less intellectually and physically demanding, and I'd say it even involves less patience since at least I *like* everyone I'm dealing with, even if it's 'one of those days'.

[Caraway]

I usually laugh and say "depends on the day!"

 

If people are considering hsing I'm happy to give a more meaningful response about what I find hard.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[goldenecho]

Since I've both homeschooled and taught full time in public school (briefly...I didn't last long at that)....I would say the following to someone genuinely asking:

 

It's not as hard as I thought it would be.  It's not a 10th as hard as teaching full time--school work gets done in a very short time and so it's not time consuming like I thought it would be. But then I only have one student.  When I tried teaching my older also I struggled to do well for both of them, and it didn't work, but mostly because we were only doing this one year and the worry I had about him falling behind made me loose sleep, eating up tons of time.  When you're homeschooling for the long run, not just a year, there's always time to catch up and my kid at least tends to catch up in spurts.  But there can be a lot of uncertainty between those spurts and it can be hard not being certain you're doing the right thing....it's been hard for me to learn to trust myself and not worry too much. 

Edited September 21, 2016 by goldenecho

[lllll]

nm

Edited October 5, 2016 by Cathi

[El...]

Maniacal laughter?  :lol:

 

The other ideas above are a lot better. 

[Ausmumof3]

I often say I love all the bits. I like homeschooling. I like cooking. I even enjoy hanging out washing and ironing. I enjoy cleaning. But sometimes the sheer amount of it all together becomes overwhelming and then I don't enjoy any of it. The homeschooling itself isn't hard but trying to work what is effectively a part time job without the added income that a part time job brings can be hard.

[Ausmumof3]

I also agree that I am likely to give a different answer to someone who is considering homeschooling to someone who is just making conversation. I am likely to be a little more open about the drawbacks with someone who is about to make a life choice than with someone who is just making chit chat.

[Rosie_0801]

I also agree that I am likely to give a different answer to someone who is considering homeschooling to someone who is just making conversation. I am likely to be a little more open about the drawbacks with someone who is about to make a life choice than with someone who is just making chit chat.

 

Yeah, I give the answers I give because people are wanting me to validate their choice not to homeschool. 

[SeaConquest]

I usually say that I was a reluctant homeschooler, and that I've enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

[Ausmumof3]

Yeah, I give the answers I give because people are wanting me to validate their choice not to homeschool.

Wish I could like your posts.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

"It's not as hard as I expected it to be."

[Shred Betty]

Ahead of addressing the homeschool I address what it often means: one income.

 

Well, my family was already kind of "set up" to homeschool because my DH's practice allowed me to be a SAHM. So switching to homeschool made a lot of sense for us, we were already a one-income family. Homeschooling takes work but it is super rewarding,, and with DH's mobile office / work from home thang we get to do school on the boat in the summer or get to snowboard weekdays together in the winter.

Lol, ya we are spoiled 🎉:)

[Guest]

Ahead of addressing the homeschool I address what it often means: one income.

 

Well, my family was already kind of "set up" to homeschool because my DH's practice allowed me to be a SAHM. So switching to homeschool made a lot of sense for us, we were already a one-income family. Homeschooling takes work but it is super rewarding,, and with DH's mobile office / work from home thang we get to do school on the boat in the summer or get to snowboard weekdays together in the winter.

Lol, ya we are spoiled 🎉:)

That does seem to be what I get the most questions about, once the normal you-must-be-supermom silliness is out of the way. So many families in this area are habituated to dual incomes even though they could actually shift down to one without much more than curbing some spending habits, but the entire thing is a huge shift that is hard for some to even contemplate. There are justifiable monetary security worries but oftentimes its more not realizing how much is actually spent in the day to day working family/public or private school crunch. In some cases it entirely says the wife'a income, especially with daycare costs and differences in food prep added in.

[nobeatenpath]

I wish people just asked if it is hard. Instead I get 'wow, you're so brave!' as if I have just told them I have volunteered for MSF and head to Syria next week.

[....]

When asked that question, I answer, "Um, yes."   :mellow:

[momacacia]

It depends on how much energy you have. Everything in my life would be easier with less adrenal fatigue and my iron levels higher. I try not to blame those issues on kids or homeschooling. But I wouldn't say all of that. ;)

 

My 30year veteran homeschool MIL told me last weekend that she thinks her oldest daughter "just doesn't really want to homeschool." I had a response, but wasn't quick enough to say, " Good grief! Who does?! I'm simply a slave to my children's educations." Smile and wave.

[kirstenhill]

"Some days it's hard and some days it's wonderful...just like a lot of other aspects of parenting."

 

 

I think if I were talking to a mom who was seriously considering homeschooling, I would probably say other things based on their situation (Kindy with your cute little five year old is a way different story than if a mom of one of DD12's friends was considering starting homeschooling with a 7th grader).

[Luckymama]

Last question first. I've become much more open about the negatives with people who are considering homeschooling. I have one grad and two older students and I can more clearly see what homeschooling has cost than when they were in elementary. On the whole it has been an amazing journey for us and I think they have gotten a good education, but There have been 14 years of my not working (both sacrificing income and resume entries).

 

I also am not very optimistic when people are contemplating homeschooling, but are lacking in both time and money as resources. I think you can do a good job if you have time OR money (or both). But I have yet to find a means of homeschooling effectively when the parent doesn't have time to supervise and also cannot afford options that would provide that teaching oversight. This gets an extra red flag when the student is described as struggling or not motivated.

 

I think I can say that homeschooling is hard, but it is also rewarding. Working out is hard (as my trainer will prove to me once again today :crying: ) I put the time and effort in because I want the results. I put a lot of time and effort into our homeschool and consider myself an education professional. The weekend after my kids took the AP European history exam, I was reading a US history textbook while biking at the gym.

I'll just copy what she wrote because I feel the same (swap USH while biking for macroecon videos while walking circuits through the house on a rainy day).

[Guest]

I just say "yes."

[8filltheheart]

I'll just copy what she wrote because I feel the same (swap USH while biking for macroecon videos while walking circuits through the house on a rainy day).

Lol! I previewed 2 entire (long) TC courses while painting my house a couple of yrs ago. I preview documentaries while on the treadmill. :) Multitasking at its best!

 

But, seriously, this is a commitment. I think those of us who have been through it for the long haul know what it takes. I just don't like the word hard bc I really love it most of time.

[hepatica]

Yes! Absolutely!

 

I've been working hard at this for 11 years. People who are interested in homeschooling should hear that. I wouldn't do it if I didn't take it seriously. But that's just me.

 

[happypamama]

I would say that it's just like any job, that it requires work, and sometimes it's hard, but overall, it's a good experience, and if it becomes not a good experience, than we change what we're doing.  Every job has its ups and downs, and it's not going to be sunshine and roses every single day.

 

But it's rewarding and exciting and fun and totally worth the work.

 

I don't think it's a bad thing to tell people some of the realities of homeschooling.  It's not all cute little children in white clothes sitting on the grass contentedly listening to readalouds like the catalogs like to portray.  Sometimes it's noisy, and sometimes it's difficult, and sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day for everything.  But I try to remember that it's a totally different set of issues than dealing with a public school.  For me, dealing with the school and its rules and schedules and all of that would be way worse than sometimes having a bad day of homeschooling.  And I like my children.  I like having them around.  

 

[birchbark]

Homeschooling itself isn't hard, it's the support system necessary for success that's hard: relationships, parenting, household management, fitting in priorities, etc.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Lol! I previewed 2 entire (long) TC courses while painting my house a couple of yrs ago. I preview documentaries while on the treadmill. :) Multitasking at its best!

 

But, seriously, this is a commitment. I think those of us who have been through it for the long haul know what it takes. I just don't like the word hard bc I really love it most of time.

 

If I had stayed in the military or gone for a corporate career, I would have worked hard too.  But I think I would also have felt rewarded by the feeling that what I did was important and mattered to those around me.  

 

Homeschooling is hard work, but it is very important to those around me.  

 

Homeschooling can also at times feel like a great burden.  One thing that no one pointed out was that all of the responsibility for good education would feel like it rested on me.  I couldn't watch Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader with my kids, because every question they didn't know felt like a reproach on what I'd done in teaching them.

 

I don't think a parent of a B&M schooled kid has those same feelings.  On the other hand, they may feel that they are stuck in a non-supportive school and are trapped with no way out.  

[Garga]

Define hard.  

 

It's time consuming:  I spent 12 hours on Sunday preparing for this coming week of school.  Last weekend it was 9 hours.  I don't see it taking under 8 hours each weekend to prepare for each week ahead at this point.  Printing out worksheets, reading through biology labs very carefully to be sure I understand every step BEFORE we set foot in the lab (learned that the hard way on our first lab where we floundered around.)  Stuff like that takes a lot of time.

 

And sometime over the next couple of weeks we have to prepare for a PSAT test and I need to create course descriptions and finalize a grading system for paperwork that colleges will want to see.  Maybe I'll do the paperwork on my Christmas break.  The PSAT stuff has to be done by October when he takes the test.  I guess that'll be done on Saturdays.

 

You have to relearn some subjects:  I'm relearning high school biology right now.  It's not "hard" per se, but I do have to take the time to read an entire biology book and prepare an outline of lecture notes so that I can present the content to my student.  If I don't discuss it with him before he reads it, he has trouble understanding what he's read.  

 

I spend my evenings preparing biology and world history lecture notes.  I also take about 30-45 minutes each evening to read the novel that my son is reading so we can discuss it the next day in literature.

 

I also had to relearn a lot of grammar when my son was younger: participial phrases and things like that.  

 

It can be emotionally draining: We're all thrown together all day long every day. No breaks from each other.  This can be very, very good, but we can also have bad days where we just need space, but there isn't any.

 

It can be hard financially:  This year is the first year that we are now spending all of my dh's paycheck and not saving from paycheck to paycheck.  But this year has been expensive with our outsourced classes and braces.  And I can't get a job to help with it because see above about time consuming.  Also, no income for me in 14 years now.  And no income from me for at least 4 more, maybe 7 more years.  Huge hit over my lifetime.

 

 

 

I think homeschooling is hard, if you define hard as having very little personal time (at least this year during high school), having to re-learn high school level subjects and read classic novels, dealing with emotional issues without room to get away from each other, and having to watch money go out and not be able to bring it in. 

 

 

But at the same time, I've never felt more fulfilled in my life or happier with what I do.  The rugs are desperate for a good vacuuming and I haven't dusted in a month, but I'm very happy with my role in life; homeschooling.  From what they tell me, the kids are happy with it, too, though we did have a bunch of grousing the first month of school (they suddenly stopped grousing at the beginning of this week.)  I am confident that they're getting a decent education.  I am not cutting any corners.  

 

 

Hard...maybe so.  Worth it...absolutely.

 

 

[Garga]

I agree with others that the weight of responsibility is a hard weight to bear.  It's all on me.  All on me.  All of it.

 

At this point for my oldest, I don't have the luxury of "oh, you can catch them up later."  Not really.  Not anymore.  That ended about a year ago.  The grades start to count now toward college admission.  I can't play around.  It's a big responsibility.  Obviously, I'm going to shoulder it, but it's still there.

Edited September 21, 2016 by Garga

[Arcadia]

Homeschooling can also at times feel like a great burden. One thing that no one pointed out was that all of the responsibility for good education would feel like it rested on me.

They also supposedly learn all the swear words and bad manners from you because they couldn't have learnt that from school. If they are quirky, it is because they are over sheltered homeschoolers.

 

That's why I mentioned upthread about finger pointing. My kids were in public school before homeschooling so that shuts many mouths up.