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S/O: Haunted Mansion ashes dumping


DawnM
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What are your wishes for your remains once you are gone?

 

Burial (with embalming or without?)

Cremation?

Cryogenically frozen?

Promession?

 

I really like the idea of Promession.   You can watch an animated video here:

 

http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/a-burial-machine-that-will-freeze-your-corpse-vibrate-it-to-dust-and-turn-it-into-soil

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I'd like to have a natural burial. I plan to live long enough that even the cemetery I want to be buried in, in a very conservative part of the US, will allow it.

 

Promession looks cool, but I don't really want to be that highly processed. :)

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I've told my guys I don't give a hoot as long as they don't spend much money.  I'm done with my body, so do whatever they want with it, including donating it to a med school or similar.  I'm content being left in the woods for carnivores to devour if that were possible - or burying me next to where we bury our ponies that die here.

 

I looked up promession since I'm at home and videos don't play well here.  It sounds interesting, but whether I'd want it (vs cremation or whatever) or not would depend upon the cost.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promession

 

Hubby wants a Viking Funeral - body on a boat set aflame and sent out to sea.  Not sure if I can do that one or not.  Can't say I've looked into it just yet.

 

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Whatever is cheapest and makes my family content is my preference, but I'd really hate to have an open casket viewing/wake.  The idea of dressing up a corpse just so people can file by and stare at it is not something I've ever been able to understand.  

Edited by Plink
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I want to have direct cremation (no embalming, body prep, visitation, etc.). I always tell my kids if they want to see me, they need to catch me before I cool off wherever I am because there won't be any seeing me after that. I cannot stand visitations.

 

No funeral home memorial service; just family gathering at someone's home (like we generally do after a funeral anyway), celebrating my life.

 

As far as my ashes, I'd like them to just put them in a cardboard box, bury them somewhere in the yard, and plant a tree, or they can sprinkle them wherever they'd like - that part is up to my kids.

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I'm Orthodox and cremation is not permitted.  I want a natural burial, with no embalming.   I plan to either make my own or pre-order my coffin and keep it in the basement.

 

This is more or less what I want, and for similar reasons, though my tradition allows for creamation and its become more common, I think there is good reason Christianity historically has tended to avoid it if possible.

 

I would like the standard funeral service as written (no eulogy) and I think a wake would also be nice.  I don't really care one way or another about a viewing  though there are aspects of it that I find appealing, I would really leave that up to whomever is left.  Given my feelings on embalming, the opportunities might be limited.

 

I really don't like the trend of waiting a long time to have the service/wake, I would want it done relatively quickly.

 

Edited by Bluegoat
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This is more or less what I want, and for similar reasons, though my tradition allows for creamation and its become more common, I think there is good reason Christianity historically has tended to avoid it if possible.

 

 

 

That's an interesting thought.  Can you share more on that?  What is the good reason for avoiding cremation?  Are you thinking environmentally or religiously or ... ?  

 

It's a real question, no snark here.  I love these discussions.

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This is more or less what I want, and for similar reasons, though my tradition allows for creamation and its become more common, I think there is good reason Christianity historically has tended to avoid it if possible.

 

I would like the standard funeral service as written (no eulogy) and I think a wake would also be nice.  I don't really care one way or another about a viewing  though there are aspects of it that I find appealing, I would really leave that up to whomever is left.  Given my feelings on embalming, the opportunities might be limited.

 

I really don't like the trend of waiting a long time to have the service/wake, I would want it done relatively quickly.

 

Yes, one of the things I appreciate about liturgical traditions is that this stuff doesn't have to be made up on the fly.  It's all set and no one needs to be bothered with planning out a service.   I have seen the addition of a eulogy at an EO funeral, but I prefer there not be one, just a short reflection/homily by my priest will be enough. 

 

Some people leave off all the personalized stuff until the luncheon repast after the burial service, which is also nice.  There's a lot more flexibility to have music and remembrances at the repast. 

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That's an interesting thought.  Can you share more on that?  What is the good reason for avoiding cremation?  Are you thinking environmentally or religiously or ... ?  

 

It's a real question, no snark here.  I love these discussions.

 

Sure. There is some theology involved, and a bit of history too.

 

 Historically, Christianity has avoided cremation because of its theology of the body, and especially the resurrection of the body.  So, orthodox Christianity does not actually see the body as just a shell, which the soul leaves at death - it sees the body as an integral part of what it is to be a human being, body and soul are a unity.  A soul without a body, or vice versa, are in a sense not a human person at all, they are incomplete.  For Christians, unlike some of the pagan traditions, the separation of the soul from the body at death is seen as temporary - the teaching is that at the end of time, people will be reunited with their bodies and made whole again - creation will be made complete. (The separation itself is a result of the Fall.)

 

It isn't that people didn't realize that the body still rots away when it is buried, or thought God could not put back together a cremated body but he could put together one reduced to slime.  It's more a matter of the symbolism of treating the dead body as if it was a real and essential part of the person was very important.  This was especially so because some of the pagan and gnostic groups specifically had traditions of cremation because they felt that the body was NOT an essential part of the person.  So - it was a way of repudiating that or showing their belief was different - the liturgy for the funeral service makes this approach fairly explicit.

 

The Church has and did at times allow different practical approaches when there were extenuating practical circumstances, for example the body needed to be transported, or cases where land for burial was impossible to find because of population pressures.  Theologically that isn't a problem of principle (though in some churches you need to ask permission for this or there will be issues of them allowing a church funeral.)

 

My view is that this was a good symbolic practice generally, but also that it has real significance for Christians today. Perhaps less importantly there a real increase in people in our culture generally who subscribe to the body as a shell approach (though for different reasons than the ancient pagans in many cases) and I think it is not a bad thing for Christians to signal their different view in their practices.  But very importantly, that view of the body as a shell is actually very common amongst average Christians, many of whom do not actually realize that we have a teaching about the resurrection of the body for everyone, or that we are supposed to believe that the body is an essential part of our person. 

 

So - I think a return to the older practice as normative would have a lot of didactic value.  (And in fact Orthodox Christians who maintain this custom the most are about the least likely people to not know what the traditional teaching is, it is hard for them to forget it because they are confronted with it every time someone dies.)

Edited by Bluegoat
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Yes, one of the things I appreciate about liturgical traditions is that this stuff doesn't have to be made up on the fly.  It's all set and no one needs to be bothered with planning out a service.   I have seen the addition of a eulogy at an EO funeral, but I prefer there not be one, just a short reflection/homily by my priest will be enough. 

 

Some people leave off all the personalized stuff until the luncheon repast after the burial service, which is also nice.  There's a lot more flexibility to have music and remembrances at the repast. 

 

Yes, that is also my preference.  I don't see the funeral service as being especially about the person as an individual, so the eulogy seems out of place there to me. A wake or luncheon or whatever can really look like whatever people want.

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I have always said that the first priority for my arrangements would be that it not be a method that would offend my children or husband, since I won't be around to care.

 

I would prefer not to be cremated, due to reasons bluegoat explained well above. I do think I'd prefer a closed casket service and just one thing, service-wise, that focuses on theology over individual, followed by a lunch/meal at a church hall. Stacey in LA said it so funny, but I agree, come see me before I die or cool off, no need to have those who haven't seen me in a while look upon my corpse. I hope my kids will put up a couple of nice photos and anyone attending can tell stories and share memories. I have a few favorite songs that I've mentioned over the years to them to "play this one at my funeral," I suppose I ought to write those down somewhere. As far as where I am buried, I used to want to be buried at sea but I don't much care anymore, except there's one place I'd really rather not be laid down, a burial place where all my husband's family is. It holds too many memories and elicits too many icky feelings - not peace!

 

I suppose I should write all this stuff down and maybe even gather up photos myself. My kids can use them or not, but I'd like to try to make things as easy as possible for them.

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If I still live here, then natural burial. There is a 'green cemetery' a few miles away.  If I don't then cremation, I guess.

 

My mom is donating her body to science before she is cremated, she has it all set up, and I might do the same.  If I do that, however, it precludes the green burial. 

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I don't want an open casket and have never understood anyone's desire for one (no offense to anyone here).

 

I'd prefer people hear the Gospel rather than anything about me. Some good hymns would be nice. 

 

I would prefer a natural burial.

 

I'd like to be buried with my pets' ashes. (I have all my pets cremated, so I can easily take their remains with me if I move.)

 

I plan to be buried near my family, so we can all rise together when Jesus returns. :)  

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I want to be cremated, because AFAIK it is the cheapest. I'd prefer my ashes be spread in a few different places. I don't want them to have an urn and I don't want there to be a place my kids feel like they need to visit to remember me. Wherever my body is and in whatever condition it is in will make no difference to me.

 

 

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I find it interesting that so many people don't feel they want there to be a place to visit, even if they don't have an interest in that themselves, I think a lot of people, like those who get left behind, find they want something like that.

 

In the last few years as cremation has become more popular I've seen a big increase in places that store ashes in little niches so people can visit - several are attached to Anglican churches.  Typically there is a room with what look like tiny drawers with name plaques, and benches or spots to pray, and maybe light candles.  One has a quiet garden around it. 

 

People seem to be using these more, and less often scattering or keeping them home in an urn.  I think there are a few reasons - people don't know what to do with the urns and end up putting them in a closet, sometimes scattering is illegal, but I think a big part is there is no place dedicated to the memory of the dead.  And human beings often seem to need special places and times set apart to consciously remember or contemplate important things.

 

I've also wondered if the loss of grave sites and other concrete memorial places is why we have had such an increase in other kinds of public and semi-public memorials - things like a garden at a park where parents can have a dead child's name engraved on a stone, or the radical increase in highway crosses or ghost bikes for bike accident victims.  Often people maintain these and keep bringing flowers for years, just as people used to for grave sites.

Edited by Bluegoat
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It also has to do with how mobile we are as a society.  I haven't visited my mother's family's burial site since I was a teenager.  My mom is literally the only person who ever goes there. Her dad, her mother an her sister are buried there.  My aunt was buried there in 2003. Her funeral was in Boston and she had to be shipped to the state where she is now buried. I was at the funeral, but not at the burial. I think my mom was the only person there for that. My mom goes every couple years to clean up the site and that is it.  My mom is in her 70s and has no desire to be buried there and knows full well when she is dead no one is going to go back to keep the site cleaned up. I wouldn't even know how to find it.

 

My uncle died in January and I will never go back to his state to visit his grave. I have no reason to travel that far. His kids are scattered across the country and when their mom, his wife, dies there won't be anyone who lives in the state to care for the grave. 

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Cremation the cheapest way possible. Dump the ashes somewhere forgettable and don't worry about it.

 

Technically I'm listed a an organ donor, but not all the drugs I take are good for other folks, so that might be out. They are welcome to anything they can use. If I lived closer to a teaching hospital, I would donate my body for dissection practice.

 

Basically, I don't care what they do with my remains as long as it isn't an inconvenience to my loved ones.

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I want to have direct cremation (no embalming, body prep, visitation, etc.). I always tell my kids if they want to see me, they need to catch me before I cool off wherever I am because there won't be any seeing me after that. I cannot stand visitations.

 

No funeral home memorial service; just family gathering at someone's home (like we generally do after a funeral anyway), celebrating my life.

 

As far as my ashes, I'd like them to just put them in a cardboard box, bury them somewhere in the yard, and plant a tree, or they can sprinkle them wherever they'd like - that part is up to my kids.

I don't like visitations either, but have been to more than most people.

 

I will say that there is something conclusive about the process that doesn't seem to happen if you don't have one.  Just a thought. 

 

The ones I saw, I felt I had closure, more so than the ones I did not see. 

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Direct cremation.

 

I try to go visit my beloved Grandmother, Aunt and Uncle once a year at the cematary where they are buried. Drive is about 40-60 minutes away depending on traffic. Have not made it yet this year. I am the only one who visits the graves. I realized early on that if I want to "visit" with them I just need to close my eyes and think about them. That is all I want to ask of the loved ones I will leave behind.

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I'm somewhat of a treehugger, so I prefer no chemicals - either cremation or green burial. Whichever is easier/cheaper for my family.

 

One reason I can think of for open casket: After seeing my aunt and grandfather prior to their deaths (very ill and sickly looking) then seeing them at the viewing, I can say that I'm very glad there were open caskets because they looked much more like themselves and sincerely at peace, at rest. It was comforting.

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I looked up promession since I'm at home and videos don't play well here.  It sounds interesting, but whether I'd want it (vs cremation or whatever) or not would depend upon the cost.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promession

 

Hubby wants a Viking Funeral - body on a boat set aflame and sent out to sea.  Not sure if I can do that one or not.  Can't say I've looked into it just yet.

 

This was the first thing that crossed my mind. Would it be prohibitive in cost. I don't care either and if it was legal, I would ask that someone dumps me over the side of their ocean going vessel...

 

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I've told my guys I don't give a hoot as long as they don't spend much money.  I'm done with my body, so do whatever they want with it, including donating it to a med school or similar.  I'm content being left in the woods for carnivores to devour if that were possible - or burying me next to where we bury our ponies that die here.

 

I looked up promession since I'm at home and videos don't play well here.  It sounds interesting, but whether I'd want it (vs cremation or whatever) or not would depend upon the cost.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promession

 

Hubby wants a Viking Funeral - body on a boat set aflame and sent out to sea.  Not sure if I can do that one or not.  Can't say I've looked into it just yet.

Oh, you know, there are those body farms. They are always looking for donations too.

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It is a good idea to have it written in your will as lots of family fights can start right with what to do with the body

Well, I am running into some issues. I know it is MY body and I can do anything I want with it, but my parents are very against anything but burial. They have several reasons, and I am not going to name them because I really don't want to argue this point.

 

If my parents are dead, I will make a will with my exact wishes, but if they are still alive, I will allow them to deal with it the way they wish.

 

It may be strange to some, but it just isn't something I care enough about to make it something to hurt or upset them about.

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I'd like to be cremated or have my body donated for research.  As of now, DH and I have it in our wills that we'll be cremated and scattered together when both of us are gone.  

 

My dad was cremated and I have his ashes in my laundry room.  I can't figure out where to scatter his ashes.  I'm in the laundry room every day and it's the only room in the house that's just mine.  I kind of like having him in there with me.  

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I think I would like to be cremated. No-one I know visits burial plots so I don't really see the point. I always think of that poem about not standing at the grave because the person isn't there.

 

I'm somewhat of a treehugger, so I prefer no chemicals - either cremation or green burial. Whichever is easier/cheaper for my family.

 

One reason I can think of for open casket: After seeing my aunt and grandfather prior to their deaths (very ill and sickly looking) then seeing them at the viewing, I can say that I'm very glad there were open caskets because they looked much more like themselves and sincerely at peace, at rest. It was comforting.

I think it can be comforting but the exact opposite happened to me when my grandmother died. We went before the viewing and when I walked up to her casket, I actually asked who it was. I thought they had taken us to the wrong casket. They had done something to her and she looked nothing like herself. It upset my mom so very much. Also, at the funeral, I became very upset by everyone looking at her and by the comments even though they were positive. It was so strange but it made me so protective of her and I just wanted to close the casket.

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Whatever is cheapest and makes my family content is my preference, but I'd really hate to have an open casket viewing/wake.  The idea of dressing up a corpse just so people can file by and stare at it is not something I've ever been able to understand.  

 

Oh my goodness yes. I live in the South and wow, I can't stand it.

 

I don't want my family to have to sit around all dressed up for hours waiting for people to come stare at their poor dead mother lying there.

 

The people who really care will come by when they are needed.

 

I want a natural burial.

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I don't think I have any strong feelings about viewing. 

 

But I know when my dad's twin brother died, quite unexpectedly in his 40s, that my dad wished they had a viewing.  The just cremated the body as quickly as possible, right from wherever the stored it for the autopsy. Since my dad had to travel from another province he didn't see his brother at all, even though he went as quickly as possible.

 

He really felt like his brother had just sort of disappeared, like the whole thing was a little unreal - my dad hadn't seen him in person for a few years and now he just didn't exist at all, or perhaps had run off to sea, or something.  He seemed to feel unsettled about it for some time.

 

 

Edited by Bluegoat
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Oh my goodness yes. I live in the South and wow, I can't stand it.

 

I don't want my family to have to sit around all dressed up for hours waiting for people to come stare at their poor dead mother lying there.

 

The people who really care will come by when they are needed.

 

I want a natural burial.

 

 

Have you seen the funerals and viewings where the person is propped up in a chair?

 

It is unsettling.  

 

I was going to post a link, but you can just google if you are interested.  

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Have you seen the funerals and viewings where the person is propped up in a chair?

 

It is unsettling.  

 

I was going to post a link, but you can just google if you are interested.  

 

In the village my nana grew up in, there was a rather eccentric lady street-cleaner who propped her dead mother in her coffin up, like she was standing, in the front window of their house, so passers-by could see.

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