How do you Handle Houseguests/Meals

[Paige]

How do you handle meals with houseguests? My parents are here for a week- got here Sun, and I am already exhausted. I don't normally cook breakfast or lunch and I'm not now. We have food for easy things like sandwiches, bagels and cream cheese, etc., and I've told them about it, this isn't their first trip, and they know what to do and are comfortable. Still...I am frustrated having to explain it to them every single meal (what's for breakfast? Whatever you get. What's for lunch? You know what we have...). It's like this every time they come. 

 

Is it rude of me to not prepare breakfast and lunch every day? I don't eat breakfast and lunch isn't a big deal for any of us, so it would be very much outside of our norm.

 

Dinners- Usually we have really basic food- steamed veggies, rice, and some kind of chicken, meat, or fish cooked with light seasonings. Dessert is rarely ever made- but sometimes I let the kids have a popsicle. So, every night I'm asked what's for dinner the next day. I don't know. Every meal, "What's for dessert?" "Did you put anything on the vegetables?" "Pork again?" "Chicken again?" They won't eat leftovers for dinner. We're a family of 6 with 3 teens, so cooking for 8 is a lot of food. I'm tired and the thought of making another meal is discouraging, but eating out is too expensive. Not to mention the kids have activities every night so there's not much time to cook or go out either. 

 

What do you do so you don't go crazy? Please give me some easy meals for 8 that don't take too long, won't have people whining at me, and don't use all the dishes in my house. Am I crazy for not providing dessert for every weekday meal? This is not a B&B, but I do want to be hospitable.

[hjffkj]

For family and close friends it is a fend for yourself for breakfast and lunch or it is a collaboration, like my sister will make sandwiches for everyone and I'll cut up a veggie tray. Dinner is whatever I serve unless we collaborate again or the guest offers to cook. Dessert everyday is silly.

 

For guests who are not family or close enough to call famiky I don't know because I don't have guests like that ever

[Junie]

Just keep doing what you're doing.  IMO, your guests are being rude.  You're fine.

[marbel]

From your post it sounds as if your parents don't know what to do and aren't comfortable.  If they are asking, they  must not know what to do.   At least, that's how I see it and as I relate your post to my parents and inlaws. 

 

In your shoes, and if it was my parents (not my in-laws), I would ask what they would like to eat, and my mom and I would plan meals, maybe go shopping together.  I wouldn't necessarily  make sandwiches for them but I would be sure they could find the things to eat.  I would be prepared to sit down with them while they were eating, even if I was not going to have anything myself. 

 

If it was my in-laws, I would plan meals for each day, whether I was going to cook it or not, and I would post it somewhere so they can look at it.  Something like:

Tuesday:  breakfast:  Bagels, cream cheese, fruit; lunch:  turkey sandwiches on whole wheat bread, salad; dinner:  baked chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli.

 

Maybe they feel like there should be some special effort because they are visiting?  Do they visit often?  

 

Could you plan a special meal or two during their visit, planned around kid activities so everyone can be together?  Get some cookies for their dessert (no one else has to eat them)? 

 

ETA: Of course they shouldn't complain ("chicken again?"); that is rude no matter what.

 

 

 

Edited August 23, 2016 by marbel

[Anne]

Honestly, I would just keep doing what you're doing.  Don't let anyone guilt you into making changes!!!

 

Random thoughts:

 

I would make changes for actual allergies.  I might *help* people in the morning:  here's the cereal, the milk's in the fridge, etc.

 

Are your parents elderly or impaired in any way?  That would probably change my answer.

 

Would they like to prepare a meal for your family while they are visiting or would that be too complicated?

 

They might be just asking out of habit????

 

Anne

[QueenCat]

For breakfast, we are similar to you. Just have a variety of foods available. Check with them to be sure to have a couple of their favorites.

 

Lunch: Most of the time, if it's my parents, we'll go out for lunch when they are here. If we stay in, I'll make sandwiches. If it's other people, it just depends, mostly on what we're doing during the day.

 

Dinner: Half out, half at home if they're here a whole week. If just a couple of days, we might cook once, and go out once or twice. When we have company, we'll usually do dessert, even if it's just family.

[Random]

I have a question to answer your question....if these are your parents, weren't you kind of expecting it to be this way?  I don't think your title question is your real question, you know?  :) 

 

To answer you, when I have family staying, I am relaxed with my meals.  I (usually-LOL)  want to enjoy the people that are in our home.  So, meals are planned accordingly.

 

But,  since you know how your parents are, why not go the extra mile to make some nicer breakfasts and lunches?  There are several overnight/make ahead breakfast items that feel really special, but aren't much work.

 

http://busycooks.about.com/od/makeaheadrecipes/a/overnightcasser.htm

For lunch if they are expecting a full meal, I would do sandwiches, but buy fancy bread and add a pasta salad, potato salad, etc.

chicken salad with store-bought croissant to eat it on. 

vegetarian soup and cornbread. 

 white bean chili and corn chips

Bean burritos with avocado, sour cream, lettuce, tomato

 

If your parents were vising me, I buy some desserts to serve

 

Do your kids cook?  Can they help you out a bit making desserts?

 

I hear that you are tired handling the kids and their commitments and your parents.  Sorry about the bad timing of the visit.  Sorry about the ungratefulness and pickiness of your folks.  I hope the visit is going well, otherwise.

 

[Um_2_4]

When we have family stay, it is usually longer, but I do "make" 3 meals a day. Now it varies what that is and I put "make" into quotes because I try to streamline as much as possible.

For breakfast, I would usually do a "tray" of cheeses, bread, jam, olives, maybe some scrambled eggs,etc. I would the cold items ready to go in the fridge, just uncover, add some if needed and serve.

Could you rearrange things to make it easier for them. Make a "breakfast" station on one counter while they are there ala some motels with free breakfasts? Some muffins, bagels in covered containers, just set out the jam, cream cheese, some yogurt cups each morning, cereal in containers to pour, Set some plates out and make it help yourself style for all.

 

For lunch, make a tray in the fridge? Basket of fruit on the table? vege and dip tray in the fridge?

 

Have a crockpot? Make some soup to have available for lunch time?

 

I did all of the above when FIL stayed with us for 2 months. Thankfully when MIL stayed for 3 months, she was here to help while I was on bedrest :), so she did the cooking !! When nephew (college age) was here for the summer I made sure he knew where the sandwich fixings were for lunch and kept him stocked in his favorite snack things and he ate breakfast and dinner with us.

 

If company is only for a week, I would be so busy taking them places we would probably eat out or pick up take away (not fast food, more like pick up a tray of Bryiani or Kafta and rice, add a salad at home and you're good to go).

 

[Ravin]

Mi refrigerador es tu refrigerador. Yeah, pretty much that's what I would do, same as you.

 

We had my niece come for a month and she was allowed to eat our food at will, and fed with the family at dinner. She still asked, often, because they tend to be more tight-budget and territorial at my sisters' house over food.

 

We have long-term guests who used to be housemates currently. Since I am only home on weekends I am constantly asking what is ours, because if I didn't buy it I don't know and I only do maybe a quarter of the grocery shopping.

 

I probably drive my DH buggy.

[Miss Mousie]

Do you and your parents have the sort of relationship where you can just ask them about it?  "I notice you keep asking about the next meal.  Is there something in particular you'd like?  Is there something I'm serving that disagrees with you?  Or are you just making conversation?" etc.

 

 

 

[Happy]

When I'm visiting someone, I feel like I should wait for them to offer food. Even if that only means setting out a box or two of cereal, milk, bowls, and spoons.

 

I'm always willing to help cook, too.

 

Of course, we offer to take the gang out for dinner, too. Eating is a hobby of ours.  :)

[SKL]

I would ask them what they want.

 

And I'd probably find some way to provide it with little or no cooking.  :P

Edited August 23, 2016 by SKL

[GoodGrief]

The food routine does seem to become such a huge part of retirement, and it can be maddening if your parents tend to be sticklers for routine. :-)

 

You probably will need to make a little extra effort so they understand how they can help themselves at your home. Maybe ask them before a future visit what foods they would like to have available for their breakfasts and lunch. You could maybe make a big pot of soup ahead of time that could be reheated all week, and have some muffins or other bread available, maybe some yogurt and boiled eggs?

 

I think you are just fine with your dinners. I would probably buy a pie and ice cream at the beginning of the week, and they can help themselves to dessert after dinner each evening. It sounds like dessert is a big part of their routine at home :-)

[prairiewindmomma]

Do your parents eat out a lot? One of the things I realized is that my parents, in laws, and everybody age 60+ just don't cook. Their tastebuds have adapted to crave salt and fat, and they look at homemade food with some weird nostalgia.

 

The years of making vast pots of rice and beans during the lean budget era are forgotten.

[Anne in CA]

Take and bake pizza is cheap and filling.

[Chris in VA]

Sounds like they are meal planners and you are more go with the flow. This is similar to me and my son and his wife. We plan 7 dinners and just pick one each night. We shop once a week. They shop ehenever and don't plan. It is just a style thing.

[jjeepa]

My MIL came for a week back in April.  For breakfast, I made sure we had a variety of cereals available and my DD, who loves to cook/bake, made a batch of muffins so there was something special available too.  For lunch and dinner, I did cook, but only meals that we could eat off of again so I didn't have to cook everyday.  

 

Lunch:  We made cauliflower soup, pasta with alfredo sauce, and something else I can't remember.  Ate each option for two days.

 

Dinner:  We made chicken with lemon cream sauce, steamed veggies over rice, and we grilled steaks one night.  Again, each of these options were eaten as leftovers on the second night.  

 

Dessert:  My DD also made ice cream and cookies at the beginning of the week and they were available if anyone wanted dessert. 

 

I probably would have done about the same for my mom if she lived far away and came to visit.  She was someone who would eat leftovers though.  

 

I agree with the pp's suggestion to talk with you parents about this issue.  

 

ETA: spelling of course

 

 

Edited August 23, 2016 by jjeepa

[Critterfixer]

Ask them what they like for future reference. For the time being, I'd do an either/or question in response to the eating question.

What's for breakfast? Would you rather have toast with honey, or cereal?

What's for lunch? Would you rather have a sandwich with soup, or soup with a salad?

What's for dinner? Would you rather have tacos or stir-fry with rice?

 

 

ETA: And if they respond and make a suggestion as to what they would really like, figure out a good day to make that happen if you can.

 

Edited August 23, 2016 by Critterfixer

[Tap]

Make a menu for the week and post it on the fridge.  For breakfast and lunch, just list what is available and cross it off as you run out.  

 

That way they know what they can eat without getting into planned ingredients. When they ask what is for dinner, direct them to the list. 

 

It doesn't have to be elaborate just a basic list.

 

Breakfast:

Bagle/cream cheese, butter, lemon curd, jam etc

Cereal in pantry

Oatmeal-old fashioned oats or steel cut in pantry

Toast with jam

quesadilla 

etc.

 

 

Lunch:

Sandwich

canned soup

corn dogs from big freezer

pizza from big freezer

etc

 

 

Dinner 

Sunday: baked chicken, broccoli, broiled red potatos

Monday: pork chops with cranberry chutney, mashed potatoes with chicken gravy, hot applesauce, green beans

Tuesday: Steak, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, braised peaches

Wednesday: Tacos, 

etc.

[goldberry]

With family (me visiting or them visiting) we usually do a shopping trip on the first day.  If it is me visiting them, I buy things for breakfast and lunch (simple: cereal, yogurt, sandwich fixings), some snack stuff, and plan to either eat dinner with hosts if they offer or go out.  If they make food for one of those other meals, I am grateful and do not expect it.  

 

If it is them visiting me, I show them what I have for breakfast and lunch, (again usually cereal, yogurt, sandwich stuff), tell them if I plan any special meals during the week.  I remind them at this point that I am not much of a cook, and we will also likely be doing some pizza/eating out.  Then I invite them to the store with me and I will pick up things they like to have around.  I always offer/attempt to pay at the store for this trip.  Depending who it is, sometimes they like to pay (parents will usually pay, nieces/nephews let me pay).

[Miss Tick]

What happens, or used to happen, when you visit them? Sometimes that tells you what they expect when they are the guests. Not that you have to do that, but to give you a feel for where they are coming from.

 

Perhaps pay a sheet of "available breakfast foods" with a friendly help yourself appended.

 

For lunch you could put out sandwich fixings, can of soup and crackers and leftovers and then announce that the food is out and everyone should help themselves.

 

Dinner sounds good - except for the word comments from them, but I've got no advice for handling rudeness.

[Sarah CB]

I usually have a couple of mornings where I make something - a bigger breakfast with eggs and bacon on one morning and another where I bake a bunch of muffins.

 

Other than that, I'll get stuff out and put it on the counter to make it easier for everyone. A selection of cereals, bagels and bread near the toaster, peanut butter and jam out, bowl of fruit, yogurt and granola, etc. Then I tell everyone to help themselves to breakfast.

 

I normally make enough muffins so that there are leftovers for a couple of days.

 

 

[Paige]

I have a question to answer your question....if these are your parents, weren't you kind of expecting it to be this way?  I don't think your title question is your real question, you know?  :)

 

 

 

Yes! I was sort of expecting it but I don't know how to make it better each time. I thought maybe the hive would have some sort of magical solution. 

 

We lived close enough for day trips until last year. Prior to that, the kids were little and we didn't have as many activities and my parents had the mindset of helping instead of vacationing, and the little kids ate like birds. Last year they were like this, though. 

 

They are perfectly comfortable pulling stuff out of the refrigerator. They've watched the kids while we're out of town often and they aren't shy. I think they want to be served and have everyone sit at the table for breakfast and lunch and we just don't live like that. We don't even have a table big enough for all of us. I've told them every visit that we don't want the kids to have dessert every night, so they show up with, no lie, 5 boxes of cookies because we don't tend to have that much. But cookies aren't dessert- they want brownies, cakes, pies, etc. 

 

I think I'll go ahead and pull out the lunch options and plates like a buffet and tell everyone that they can get something for lunch. I could also plan dinner menus and send it to my mom ahead of time for comments. That would probably really help with stress. But they don't like spaghetti, tacos, casseroles, or other things like that. Maybe soup or chili? I can buy enough chicken or pork for everyone for $30, but similar sized fish, steaks or beef were $100+! We can't afford much of that, but I think they think we're rich. They don't want to cook or do the dishes because they're "on vacation."

 

When we stay with them my dad has donuts for us and will make breakfast. We get our own lunches from the fridge, and we go out to eat, eat leftovers, or we'll alternate who cooks. Mostly we don't eat at their house as much because we are splitting our time among other family members. And they don't want to eat leftovers on vacation but we don't mind!

[Miss Mousie]

Good golly, Paige!  Sounds like suggesting a hotel might be best for next year... 

 

I wonder what would happen if you asked your mom what it was like for her to entertain houseguests while she was raising children?

 

 

[bettyandbob]

Take your mom with to the grocery. Tell her to pick out what she and your dad will eat for breakfast. Tell her you aren't preparing it, but it will be up to the to decide when and what to eat. Have her put it away with you.

 

Have leftover night if you want. Anyone who doesn't want leftovers in my house is free to make their own meal. Since your mom will gave shopped with you that problem is solved.

[bettyandbob]

With regard to dessert, my kids learned early that grandma came with dessert and when grandma left we went back to no dessert.

 

If grandma were staying a month, I might intervene. For a week I would not.

[Guest]

I do exactly like you, nterspersed with occasional "I am not cooking tonight, so fend for yourself here or go get something."

 

and I'd tell them to stop asking me the same questions over and over. My family doesn't hold stuff like that )"knock it off") against  one another though, so surely ymwv

[marbel]

Yes! I was sort of expecting it but I don't know how to make it better each time. I thought maybe the hive would have some sort of magical solution. 

 

We lived close enough for day trips until last year. Prior to that, the kids were little and we didn't have as many activities and my parents had the mindset of helping instead of vacationing, and the little kids ate like birds. Last year they were like this, though. 

 

<snip>

 

 

So, everything is different for them now.  The grandkids are older and busier, you are farther away and so visits are less frequent.

 

I wonder if they are thinking "this is special because we don't get to visit as often" while you are treating it as just two extra people in the house but nothing special.  I don't mean to say that you are being rude to them or anything, but you are not wanting to get outside your typical routine.  If they are fending for themselves for breakfast and lunch, and no one is eating with them (I'm not sure about that, just what I get from your posts), I can imagine they may feel like they should have just stayed home, kwim?  Obviously I am thinking about my own experiences here.

 

I get not wanting to spend the whole time cooking and cleaning, and I also get not being able to spend a fortune on food.   But I can also see that your parents might be wanting a little vacation from their routine of cooking and doing all the dishes, etc.  When we visit my in-laws, I do more dishes than I do at home, because meals are more complex and there is no dishwasher.  But I'm on vacation!  I don't want to have to do all those dishes.  Of course I do them, but I long to go out for a meal so we can have some time off, kwim? 

 

Can you have a frank talk with them about the way things are different now and how to manage that?

 

[Paige]

 

 

Can you have a frank talk with them about the way things are different now and how to manage that?

 

No. I can't tell them to knock it off with the same questions either because they get offended and I think it's partially passive aggressive on their part. My grandparents almost never stayed with us when I was a kid. I can't remember any time we had visitors for more than a night or two and mostly just one person. 

 

I see your point about them wanting to be treated more like a special event. I think we can manage to accommodate that more. Some of the kids sit with them at breakfast and lunch, but not every wakes at the same time. I have popsicles and ice cream in the freezer and they can have them but they want the kids to have it too and 6 people eating popsicles every day means almost a box a day, especially when people want dessert with lunch too.

 

We usually go out to eat at least once, but every day is just too expensive and the kids don't really enjoy eating out. I know my mom likes to eat out a lot but my dad doesn't. He prefers to eat at home. I don't expect them to do dishes and actually prefer to do it myself so things don't get lost. I think we are having pizza tonight and then my mom and I can plan the other dinners this evening.

[Annie G]

When we have guests I post a meal plan on the fridge so everyone knows what to expect.  And I'm not above writing 'fix your own' in several slots. 

 

My family members who visit are quite capable of fixing their own meals but they really prefer me to 'announce' it's lunchtime and then we can all get busy and fix our lunches. What they find awkward is fixing themselves something before we do....it's like they think it's rude to fix food before *I* am hungry.  But they live in the eastern time zone and I live in central so when they visit I expect them to be hungry before I am. 

 

I just spent a week with my elderly inlaws and I cooked every single meal. Same thing- I posted a menu on the fridge.  Some days lunch looked like this: leftovers, homemade soup, or  grilled ham and cheese.  

 

I understand your dilemma- you want their visit to be nice but not cause you TOO much extra work.  Hope you can find a balance. 

[City Mouse]

For my mother, food is all she does. she has no hobbies, no outside activities, nothing she likes to do. As soon as she finishes one meal, she starts thinking about the next one, and will plan meals months in advance if we go to visit or if she is coming here. It drives me crazy, but nothing I do an change her, and I have tried.

 

I would probably do what a previous poster suggested and write up a menu. At least that way when they ask, you can remind them of the menu, but with my mom that would not make any difference, because talking about food and meals is just what she does.

[purplejackmama]

Maybe you need to be honest and tell them you can't afford any additional food. It's an expense when they come, and you don't have extra money. I think they would want to know this, I know I would. If, as you think, they pereceive you as having more disposable income than you do that might be a lot of the miscommunication.

[zoobie]

Do they treat y'all as honored guests when you go to their house?  I usually wind up being the default chef when we spend time with my parents at the beach (in a rented condo or house; they chip in for their room), which gets old even for supper only. They DIY breakfast and lunch (usually out). I'd keep saying, whatever you want or suggest they take the kids out to lunch if they're bored with your fridge. I might make one special lunch and breakfast on a Saturday or Sunday.

 

I wouldn't send the menu ahead of time unless your mom is planning to cook some and you don't want to repeat meals. You're not the housekeeper getting approval of the mistress of the house! ;) Roast several chickens (or better yet, buy the rotisserie ones from Costco), then you have roasted chicken one night, chicken salad another night, chicken soup a third. Get a huge pork shoulder, slow cook it with BBQ rub. Then you have BBQ pork one night, baked potatoes topped with leftovers another night, and possibly even a third night of pork + chicken Brunswick stew with corn muffins. Last night, order pizza. If they don't want it, guess what? They can take you all elsewhere or go out themselves.

[katilac]

So, every night I'm asked what's for dinner the next day. I don't know. I don't know is a perfectly acceptable response. I'd probably pair it with another phrase each time to drive home the point that I'm never likely to know: I don't know what's for dinner tomorrow, I never decide ahead. I don't know what's for dinner tomorrow, I'm still dealing with today. 

 

Every meal, "What's for dessert?" The usual - nothing! Nothing, we don't do daily dessert. 

 

"Did you put anything on the vegetables?" We like them plain, but we have butter and X sauce in the fridge, and some Z seasoning if you'd like. 

 

"Pork again?" "Chicken again?"  Yes, chicken is a favorite of ours. Yes, you eat chicken a lot when you have four kids. 

 

They won't eat leftovers for dinner. This is the one I'd be okay with accommodating, simply because it's so easy for me to put leftovers in the freezer for when they leave. 

 

Dessert is rarely ever made- This one, I cannot comprehend, lol, but I would never ask or question it. 

[Paige]

Maybe you need to be honest and tell them you can't afford any additional food. It's an expense when they come, and you don't have extra money. I think they would want to know this, I know I would. If, as you think, they pereceive you as having more disposable income than you do that might be a lot of the miscommunication.

 

We can afford extra food like we eat. We can't afford extra food like they want. When they go to my brother's, he takes them out for almost every meal to fancy vacation places because he lives in a fancy vacation location. They want that, but they pay for my brother's family and expect us to pay for most of them because they think we're rich, which is ridiculous. My brother has 2 bitty kids and his wife works full time and they live like preppy people. We live pretty simply. 

 

I've told them we are not rich and their perception is false, but they don't believe me. That's it's own JAWM issue! DS is military and his salary is posted, which they think is rich, but with 4 kids and a high COLA, it is just middle class. We are right at the local median; maybe a little lower. My parents aren't poor.

 

I can make some changes to make things happier for everyone. I think a posted menu is a brilliant idea and pulling things out for lunch for them is good too. But usually, the kids are eating lunch and they are standing around asking me what's for lunch or when's lunch. Maybe they don't intend it, but when they ask obvious questions it makes me feel like what we're providing is disappointing or not good enough.

 

Leftovers aren't as much an issue with this trip as it used to be because my kids are eating like people instead of toddlers now. We had two rotisserie chickens Sunday, 5lbs of pulled pork Mon, and 4 pizzas and a bunch of wings for dinner tonight. And very little leftovers too! That feels like a ton of food.

[Plink]

As a few others have said, I'd assume that they are uncomfortable with taking food when none is being currently and/or specifically offered. (despite the general offer)  

 

Personally, I was raised with very specific manners surrounding food.  It would require effort to convince myself to break etiquette and simply take anything out of someone else's closed cabinets/fridge, or to eat when others are not eating.  I can easily imagine going hungry rather than making myself a bowl of cereal if nobody else was eating.  For me it has nothing at all to do with shyness or not understanding that the food was offered, but a longstanding habit of associating food with shared experiences.  

 

ETA - I just saw your last post.  Do you mean that family members are taking out food for the kids' lunch, but no one invites the guests to join you? If so, a simple "hey, I'm pulling out the lunch meat. Come on over!" would probably help them to feel better about things.  

 

The paying for brother to eat out and not your family thing is just annoying, but it isn't something you can fix.  If you want to maintain a relationship, you're going to have to ignore it intentionally, no matter how painful.  Focusing on stuff like that will only gain you a lifetime of resentment.

Edited August 24, 2016 by Plink

[purplejackmama]

Ok, now that I've read the entire thread and your response to my comment I think you should do a little more, maybe go the extra mile. It's only for a week, once a year, right?

 

If they are used to eating at "vacation places" with your brother then I can see how chicken and steamed veggies (with NO DESERT :) ) feels like a let down. So since you have the financial resources then I would do a steak night, and a seafood night, and any other special meals they enjoy. I personally would take my family out a few times, but since your kids are too busy with activities then make a couple special meals at home.

 

Also maybe take your mom out for lunch one day since she likes that more than your dad does.

 

Breakfast casseroles can be made ahead, so maybe next time plan for those a couple of days a week to break up the monotony of cold cereal, muffins, etc.

 

One last thing, make or buy a cake for the first night. Since your family doesn't eat it, it will last your parents the whole week.

[birchbark]

Frankly, I think it's more a problem of too long a visit. Cooking for houseguests for a week would exhaust me, even if they weren't picky. Only the most devoted cooks or people with means for outside food could meet those kind of expectations for that long. Next time I would take Ben Franklin's advice as to length of visit, then plan ahead and treat them like kings so the visit is enjoyable for all. When you're done you're done.

 

For the current situation I like the idea of a posted menu.

[Paige]

 

ETA - I just saw your last post.  Do you mean that family members are taking out food for the kids' lunch, but no one invites the guests to join you? If so, a simple "hey, I'm pulling out the lunch meat. Come on over!" would probably help them to feel better about things.  

 

 

 

No, it's more like, the kids say, "it's lunchtime!" and they begin making their lunch and pulling stuff out. I will go over and ask my parents if they want to get lunch. Then, they come over after a while, look around, walk around, and say something like, "is this lunch?" And look at me. I say something about what we have (which is obvious because it's out) and they will then make a plate. In the time between the kids announcing lunch time and them coming over, the kids are usually done and cleaned up. Partly because they are quick, and partly because my parents aren't responding. The kids like to eat right at 12. 

 

I think, perhaps, they'd feel more comfortable if I could get a jump on the kids and get everything out with plates, and then call everyone over. It's a small difference, but maybe it would feel more official to them. Maybe our kitchen is too small and they feel crowded and are deliberately waiting for the kids to clear out and it has nothing to do with being uncomfortable getting food or not liking it. 

 

And we do offer cookies and popsicles and ice cream throughout their stay. I offer it about every other night, and we usually go to a special ice cream stand at least once, but they seriously want dessert with every lunch and dinner.  

 

It could also just be me. I can't tell if they are really serious with the nit picky comments or if I'm not meant to take it seriously and they are just talking. We have communication issues. I asked my mom if they wanted to go to the water park. She said she didn't, but my dad probably might, but she hated them and couldn't we go another week. I took that to mean I shouldn't schedule it (DH would need to take off) and I didn't schedule it. Now, I'm told that my dad is really disappointed that we aren't going, and why didn't I schedule it?!  :banghead:

[KungFuPanda]

What do they do at home? Do they really cook three meals? Honestly, cooking three separate meals a day is overkill for me, but planning for a week isn't THAT daunting. In your position I'd be tempted to:

 

1. Plan the meals for the week

2 Post a menu on the fridge so there are no questions

3. Move the main meal to lunch and let dinner be lighter/easier

4. Spend a couple hours one day making dessert for the week.

 

For planning, there must be 4 or 5 inexpensive, easy meals they like. If they have a dinner they don't like one or two nights they will survive. I'd do easy stuff like burgers on the grill or pulled pork in the crockpot. Old people get nervous when they're at the mercy of a late-eating family and a big meal early can go a long way in calming them. It might be the uncertainty that freaks them out. For some reason, old people can obsess about food.

 

I'd throw caution to the wind and have dessert every night. This is especially nice if you're doing a lighter dinner. It takes about five minutes to assemble a cherry pie if you use the pre-made, roll-out crust and canned pie filling. One pie is dessert for 8 people. I'd do the desserts while cooking the midday meal so it can bake while eating and be cooled long before the evening meal. EASY stuff like pie or boxed brownie or cake mix. A scoop of ice cream if you're super fancy. Put the teens in charge of a meal or dessert, or just the daily salad.

 

It seems like most of the stress is not having a plan and attempting to reinvent the wheel daily. A plan will take so much stress off. I'd be tempted to patiently explain that feeding three teenagers on one salary is expensive and you have to budget accordingly. Also, when you're feeding EIGHT people it's impossible to come up with a week's worth of dinners that EVERYONE likes. Every now and then there WILL be a less-tha-favorite meal and you just have to suck it up and eat.

 

My menu would look something like:

 

Day 1

 

Breakfast: cereal or bagels, hard boiled eggs, fruit

 

Lunch: pulled pork sandwiches, mac n cheese, coleslaw

 

Dinner: deli sandwiches, soup or salad

 

Dessert: cherry pie

 

Day 2

 

Breakfast: crockpot oatmeal (set up the night before), bagels, fruit

 

Lunch: pork tenderloins, green beans, baked potatoes

 

Dinner: chili (easy kind from a mix), leftover baked potatoes, toppings(green onion, sour cream, cheese)

 

Dessert: boxed brownie mix

 

Day 3

 

Breakfast: English muffin sandwiches with Canadian bacon, eggs, cheese (these are super quick) and fruit

 

Lunch: grilled chicken/peppers/onions for fajitas (marinate chicken the night before), beans, seasoned rice (now you can use your leftover toppings from the baked potatoes!)

 

Dinner: BUFFET! Since you planned ahead, and hopefully overcooked a bit, you should have lots of things left to use up for this meal. Add a fresh salad if you need one.

 

Dessert: banana splits

 

You get the idea . . . if you do your cooking prep during the time of day you have the most time/energy it can really streamline the meals and remove the stress. You can also do things like delegate cheese shredding to a kid or chop all the onions you'll need at once. If you're flying by the seat of your pants you'll be doing it all yourself and stressed.

[prairiewindmomma]

Yeah, I get the feeling that this is more about relationship issues than about food issues.  The food issues are just one manifestation of the relationship issues.  IME, even when I went all out in preparing food, the nitpicky passive-aggressiveness manifested in other ways.

[katilac]

Yeah, I get the feeling that this is more about relationship issues than about food issues.  The food issues are just one manifestation of the relationship issues.  IME, even when I went all out in preparing food, the nitpicky passive-aggressiveness manifested in other ways.

 

:iagree:

[marbel]

<snip>

 

It could also just be me. I can't tell if they are really serious with the nit picky comments or if I'm not meant to take it seriously and they are just talking. We have communication issues. I asked my mom if they wanted to go to the water park. She said she didn't, but my dad probably might, but she hated them and couldn't we go another week. I took that to mean I shouldn't schedule it (DH would need to take off) and I didn't schedule it. Now, I'm told that my dad is really disappointed that we aren't going, and why didn't I schedule it?!  :banghead:

 

Oh, I get this.  I have lived this! This is my in-laws. We never do anything when we are together because no one can ever say "yes, I'd like to do this; let's go!"  But then at the end of the visit they're all "oh, we never got to go do  _______, maybe next time." Yeah right. 

 

I like KungFuPanda's idea.  Make a plan. Let them know what it is.  Keep the food easy but have a variety.   That takes pressure off everyone.   You could also make some things ahead - pulled pork freezes well; so do brownies.  Lots of other things too.  

 

It does sound exhausting for you.  :grouphug:

[rebot]

I can only comment on the dessert issue because my in-laws are the same way.  They have dessert daily, sometimes twice a day.

 

When they are here we have strawberries with homemade whipped cream (made with syrup instead of sugar) and if I'm feeling crazy I put a few mini chocolate chips on top or use a microplane and shave a little bit of a chocolate bar (looks super fancy and is easy). If not strawberries, we have grilled peaches with whipped cream, or blueberries with whipped cream.  Pretty much you can put whipped cream on anything and call it dessert.

[Mom22ns]

When family visits, I lay out 3 meals/day. I may not "cook" them all. So for breakfast, I might put bagels, cream cheese and cereal on the table. At lunch, I might set out lunch meat, cheese bread, tomatoes, lettuce, mayo... you get the idea. We eat 3 meals a day together. It is a social gathering time. If you eat the meals together, they will probably offer to help with setting things out and putting them up. If they really miss something sweet at the end of dinner, I would make some cookies or buy some ice cream and tell them it is available if they would like it. You don't have to do something fancy every night, but many people are used to a small sweet at the end of their meal and feel very unsatisfied without it.

 

I'm sorry your guests are exhausting you. I would talk to them as others have suggested and I would make an effort to make meals a "together time" so that they can see everyone forage and have the social time around the table. 

 

As someone who is getting older, I can tell you that meals together are important markers in the day. Both the shared time and just for something to do. I know it isn't like that when you are young and have a house full of kids, but try to see their perspective. If they are being rude, "pork again?" that is a shame. I would try not to be angry though and try to make the visit enjoyable for them. It won't last forever and neither will they.

[Rachel]

Since it is your parents could you just be honest with them and tell them that feeding three teenagers is tiring and expensive so you are burned out on meal prep. Ask your parents if they would like to plan and prepare a meal.

 

I wouldn't do that with most house guests but no one ever stays with us that long either.

[lovinmyboys]

I can't tell for sure from your posts-are your parents older? When I was growing up, my grandparents came once a year for a week visit. When we were young, they came and helped my parents out. My parents would go on a date, they would take our whole family out to eat, my grandma would cook some and help with dishes. By the time we were teens, my grandparents had gotten older and they came and expected to be catered to more. They were still great to have around, but I think they had just gotten more set in their ways. If they always had dessert at home, they expected it at our house. If they always watched a show, they expected to be able to watch it at our house.

 

I don't know if I am making sense. IME, as my grandparents got older they were less able to be accommodating and wanted to be accommodated to more. They were still nice people. My mom accommodated them for the week, then we fended for ourselves a lot the next week.

[Guest]

Make dessert fruit. They can help themselves to what is in the fruit basket or prepped&chilled in the fridge. Is anyone diabetic and using the visit as an excuse to go off control? I get that a lot, so I dont make extras or larger portions as the fallout is very obvious and I dont need that.

 

 

To be hospitable, I would tell them lunch is at noon, and assign them to prep something, then eat with them since they are being guests rather than housemates. Tomorrow's dinner is always Special of the Day.

[BlsdMama]

How do you handle meals with houseguests? My parents are here for a week- got here Sun, and I am already exhausted. I don't normally cook breakfast or lunch and I'm not now. We have food for easy things like sandwiches, bagels and cream cheese, etc., and I've told them about it, this isn't their first trip, and they know what to do and are comfortable. Still...I am frustrated having to explain it to them every single meal (what's for breakfast? Whatever you get. What's for lunch? You know what we have...). It's like this every time they come. 

 

Is it rude of me to not prepare breakfast and lunch every day? I don't eat breakfast and lunch isn't a big deal for any of us, so it would be very much outside of our norm.

 

Dinners- Usually we have really basic food- steamed veggies, rice, and some kind of chicken, meat, or fish cooked with light seasonings. Dessert is rarely ever made- but sometimes I let the kids have a popsicle. So, every night I'm asked what's for dinner the next day. I don't know. Every meal, "What's for dessert?" "Did you put anything on the vegetables?" "Pork again?" "Chicken again?" They won't eat leftovers for dinner. We're a family of 6 with 3 teens, so cooking for 8 is a lot of food. I'm tired and the thought of making another meal is discouraging, but eating out is too expensive. Not to mention the kids have activities every night so there's not much time to cook or go out either. 

 

What do you do so you don't go crazy? Please give me some easy meals for 8 that don't take too long, won't have people whining at me, and don't use all the dishes in my house. Am I crazy for not providing dessert for every weekday meal? This is not a B&B, but I do want to be hospitable.

 

 

I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable and intrusive.  So, for example, if you set OUT bagels and cream cheese, that would be great.  However, the idea of digging through your fridge for something would darn near force me into starvation.

 

If I'm a guest I'm not going through your cupboards or fridge.

[TammyinTN]

When my parents visited for two weeks I had breakfast items on one tray and lunch stuff on another.  Even seperated it in the refrigerator because it made life so much easier.  I cooked a large meal for dinner each night.   

 

Breakfast:  bagels, cereal, oatmeal and yogurt w/ fresh fruit were available during the week and on weekend we had pasteries from our local German bakery

 

Lunch:  sandwich meats and cheeses, breads,  fruit and veggies and salads

 

Dinners:  Whatever we whipped up...the leftovers could also be eaten for lunch the next day.