Do you like a surprise party? What happens if you don't but you receive one?

[Ginevra]

I'm just asking so I can feel justified in my judgemental attitude towards someone in this category. I mean, as long as I'm being honest about it. ;)

[Farrar]

I've never had one, but I think I'd think it was nice assuming I was in the mood for friends. I'd be touched, I guess. I don't think I'd gush... I'm terrible at gushing... but I'd be nice about it. The one way it might go wrong for me is that I could feel embarrassed. I have been surprised with gifts before for service I've done and I always feel like I handled it all wrong. I really, really struggle to be kind and grateful when people gush to me. A surprise party might feel like that and put me in my embarrassed and uncomfortable place.

[Arcadia]

I don't like a party for me just because I don't enjoy being in the limelight. However I am a party person so I would honestly enjoy the party. The bigger the crowd the merrier.

[hornblower]

I don't like them and I would not like one and anyone who knows me well enough to throw me a party would know this so I'd be blown over if they did it. I'd probably be polite but maybe not....

[nrg]

Gush first; express appropriate gratitude; greet each guest warmly; go hide in the car and wait for it to be over. 

[DesertBlossom]

If it was DH, who knows I hate surprises AND parties, I'd be pretty mad. I mean, I would fake it until everyone went home. But grrr.

[Mama Geek]

If it were a few close friends I would really enjoy it, if it was big not so much.  I am thrilled to go out to dinner with dh and dd which is what we normally do.

[hjffkj]

I hate surprise parties and I would be inwardly pissed off if someone threw one for me. I certainly wouldn't gush because I am not a fake person and don't gush unless I truly feel like the occasion is gushworthy for me. I would say thank you and politely enjoy my time.

[Rachel]

I've never had one thrown for me. I would be gracious but likely very embarrassed, I hate being the center of attention. Anyone close enough to me to throw a surprise party for me would know this about me though.

 

My daughter and I attended a surprise breakfast tea this past weekend for a little girl turning 6, her face was priceless, it was the sweetest thing ever.

[Arctic Bunny]

I like the *idea* of a surprise party. I've never had the opportunity to find out, lol. Knowing me, I'd be mad at DH for something and totally embarrass myself.

 

ETA: And after thanking everyone for coming, excuse myself at the earliest possible moment to make sure the bathroom was clean.

Edited August 22, 2016 by arctic_bunny

[Annie G]

Dh and my friends all know me well enough to know surprise parties are a no go.  I can't imagine any of them doing such a thing. And honestly, three of my four kids are too disorganized to pull it off. And the 4th lives 1000 miles away. I am safe. 

 

 

[marbel]

I've never had one.  My husband and kids know better than to throw me one, so I am probably safe.

 

What would I do?  I don't think I would gush.  I would act pleased but not overly so.  And after it was all over I would tell the person who put the party on never to do that to me again. 

[Tanaqui]

If the person throwing it for you really, really ought to have known better - say, if you'd repeatedly told them you hate surprise parties - then you can feel free to respond however you like.

 

If they were acting out of a genuine desire to make you happy, though, then you'd better just act grateful. Perhaps tell them later that you'd really prefer it if they NEVER DO IT AGAIN, if you can manage to do it without making them feel bad.

[Annie G]

Why do people even throw surprise parties? I mean, we're talking about adults. Stop that nonsense. g

 

I'm going to a birthday dinner this week for a buddy and the invite specified that it was NOT a surprise dinner. Haha!  My friends don't even like ATTENDING surprise parties.  (Happy birthday, Merry!)

[Tap]

I do not like them At ALL.  

 

I need to plan ahead,  and be in a specific mental place to be cheerful and happy when people are looking to me for validation. 

 

The two surprise parties dh was a part of throwing for me, were poorly timed and very, very stressful for me. 

 

One was a baby shower at a restaurant. Dh and I left home and had some errand and lunch planned. We were supposed to be going to lunch at a certain restaurant but he kept stalling me as we walked around Walmart first.  I was getting really sick by not eating and getting really mad that he was dragging me around Walmart looking for hypothetical things he was going to need for a side job coming up. I didn't know he was stalling so we would get to the shower on time.  I was truly getting pissed off and almost sat down at McDs in the Walmart to eat something, but I was trying to wait since we were going to my favorite restaurant. Finally, he gave in and drove me to the restaurant 30 minutes early. I walked in an ordered at the hostess station.  I needed food ASAP and wasn't going to wait another minute to get it.  By the time the guests were arriving, I was eating. I was feeling guilty,  and like it made me look terrible to have ruined the surprise.  It wasn't a good shower with the mom-to-be hypoglycemic and guilt ridden. Looking back, he knows he should have just told me about the surprise, and let me get something to eat earlier, but he was young and didn't understand that I was actually gettng sick by not eating. 

[Guest]

I'm really surprised (lol) that so many feel this way. I think I truly would gush. I would be so touched that my friends/family went to this effort to honor my (whatever ocassion), I would probably have watery eyes.

[Annie G]

I'm really surprised (lol) that so many feel this way. I think I truly would gush. I would be so touched that my friends/family went to this effort to honor my (whatever ocassion), I would probably have watery eyes.

 

Well, yeah, it's nice that they went to the effort to celebrate the event but I fail to see how 'surprise' adds anything to it.  Other than stress for this introvert. 

 

I wouldn't gush or be rude, but would probably just enjoy myself without really commenting on the surprise aspect. Until the next day...

[madteaparty]

No no no.

This happened to me once and all I felt was torn between the horror that i had no make up on and was exhausted so I looked like hell to not being able to fake sufficient delight for the people who were looking for my reaction. Oy.

[hjffkj]

I'm really surprised (lol) that so many feel this way. I think I truly would gush. I would be so touched that my friends/family went to this effort to honor my (whatever ocassion), I would probably have watery eyes.

It is a personality thing and there is nothing wrong with not liking them or with liking them. I love being at a surprise party in which the person being surprised is going to be genuinely happy about it.

 

But in my opinion it wouldn't be an honor to find out that my friends and family either knew me so poorly that they thought I'd want a surprise party or decided to go against my wishes and throw one anyway

[Loowit]

I have no idea how I would react.  I think I would be grateful that someone cared enough to do that for me, but I would also likely be embarrassed.  I am not a party person on the whole.

 

I was thinking of doing a surprise party for my youngest for his birthday.  He is turning 11 soon and DD wants to give him a Hogwarts letter and a HP theme party.  Now I am second guessing after reading the replies here.

[MEmama]

I would have no idea how to react. Depending on the day I might burst out crying or try to look happy but either way I would hate it. I would be very unlikely to handle being put on the spot like that well. I don't like being the center of attention and don't like to be fussed over; thankfully I'm in no danger of of this happening by the people who know me.

[Jaybee]

I'm not really a gushy person, but that's how I voted because I would try to express appropriate appreciation, etc., so that was the closest option. I don't like surprise parties, though. I do like being with friends--just not with the emphasis on me.

[Guest]

lol, I was wondering whether the responses were working for you!

No, I can't be effectively judgemental. Bummer. Guess I'll have to find something else over which to be petty.

[Kassia]

I hate surprise parties.  I've had two and was gracious both times, but I really hated them and don't want to ever have another.  

 

I think the only surprise party I would like is if my kids all got together to surprise me since it's rare that we are all together as a family.  That would be a wonderful surprise.  

 

 

[GoodGrief]

Hate, hate, hate. I've had several thrown for me, oddly enough. I actually get a fairly strong anxious reaction, that I think stems from the time a friend misguidedly thought a MALE STRIPPER  presented to me in an intimate setting (just me, her, a male friend, and my BOYFRIEND) would be the perfect 22nd birthday surprise. The guys blocked the door so that I couldn't leave. I'm still angry thinking about it.

[creekland]

If the person throwing it for you really, really ought to have known better - say, if you'd repeatedly told them you hate surprise parties - then you can feel free to respond however you like.

 

If they were acting out of a genuine desire to make you happy, though, then you'd better just act grateful. Perhaps tell them later that you'd really prefer it if they NEVER DO IT AGAIN, if you can manage to do it without making them feel bad.

 

:iagree:  All of my family members KNOW this is a huge NO on my list, so if they ever gave me one, I doubt I would even pretend to be pleased.

 

That said... the Bio kids from my last long term teaching assignment gave me a nice one my last day with them last year.  I worked HARD to attempt to be happy with that since their intentions were genuine and they had no idea about my preferences.  They were a great group of kids, and put a bit of thought into planning the party - quite the surprise.  I still have one of my gifts adorning my kitchen table.  (We also had nothing planned that day due to the school schedule being weird, so they weren't just doing it to "get out of class."  I had told them we'd probably watch a movie or something.  They were welcome to do homework if they had any, etc.)

[PeachyDoodle]

I secretly wish that someone would throw me one. But the truth is, I'd probably hate it. Which is why nobody throws me one! :lol:

[rdj2027]

I hate surprise parties (actually I hate surprises of any kind) and that fact is widely known.  When asked and I specifically tell people that I do not like something and they do/give it anyways I see no reason to act happy about it.  They ignored what I said and how I feel about it. 

[elegantlion]

I'm really surprised (lol) that so many feel this way. I think I truly would gush. I would be so touched that my friends/family went to this effort to honor my (whatever ocassion), I would probably have watery eyes.

 

I will probably never know how I would feel. Even as an introvert, I would feel gushy that someone (hopefully a Significant Other) thought enough to remember my birthday, knew my friends well enough to call and invite them, and that they would come. As it was, being married to a self-centered person, it would have never occurred to them to go to that much effort just for me. 

 

I think my desire to find out stems from feeling alone in school and never fitting in. Surprise parties appear to happen to people with friends who are willing to be there for you, I never had enough to make a "party." 

 

I have a friend whose family through her a  birthday party, can't remember if it was a complete surprise, complete with a very cool Harry Potter theme. Now she has a big family that lives locally, but part of me was jealous that she had so many people who cared about her and were willing to go to such lengths for HER interests. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

If someone threw me a surprise party (unlikely since I think everyone I've ever met could guess that I wouldn't like it) -- I'm pretty sure manners would kick in as an automatic reflex and I'd fake being delighted.

 

I couldn't manage gushing, but I could probably remember that these people came here to please me and are excited about it, so I'd play my role.

 

But after they all went home I'd probably break out in hives and also be unable to sleep all night. I'm like a kid who holds it together during a stressful or over-sensory experience but melts down when it's all over.

 

[Haiku]

The year I married my husband, he took me to my dad's for a birthday cookout with my dad and stepmom.

 

The doorbell rang. A college friend who happened to be in town heard we were nearby and stopped in to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. My dh's best friend and his wife were driving by, saw our car, and stopped by to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. A childhood friend who was visiting his parents nearby decided to swing by and tell me happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. One of my very best friends, who lives in a completely different country, had happened to fly in to wish me a happy birthday.

 

In all, eleven friends (+ husband, dad, and stepmom) surprised me.

 

It remains one of the greatest things anyone ever did for me.

[Annie G]

The year I married my husband, he took me to my dad's for a birthday cookout with my dad and stepmom.

 

The doorbell rang. A college friend who happened to be in town heard we were nearby and stopped in to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. My dh's best friend and his wife were driving by, saw our car, and stopped by to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. A childhood friend who was visiting his parents nearby decided to swing by and tell me happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. One of my very best friends, who lives in a completely different country, had happened to fly in to wish me a happy birthday.

 

In all, eleven friends (+ husband, dad, and stepmom) surprised me.

 

It remains one of the greatest things anyone ever did for me.

That's really cool. 

[Guest]

I will probably never know how I would feel. Even as an introvert, I would feel gushy that someone (hopefully a Significant Other) thought enough to remember my birthday, knew my friends well enough to call and invite them, and that they would come. As it was, being married to a self-centered person, it would have never occurred to them to go to that much effort just for me.

 

I think my desire to find out stems from feeling alone in school and never fitting in. Surprise parties appear to happen to people with friends who are willing to be there for you, I never had enough to make a "party."

 

I have a friend whose family through her a birthday party, can't remember if it was a complete surprise, complete with a very cool Harry Potter theme. Now she has a big family that lives locally, but part of me was jealous that she had so many people who cared about her and were willing to go to such lengths for HER interests.

I think this is a lot of it for me, too.

 

When I was young, my SIL's family had a wedding shower for her. (I think it was a surprise but don't remember.) I was so jealous of the care and attention to detail lavished on her by friends and family, I cried later at home. One of her aunts had brought her a dish with raspberries in it, because it was her favorite berry! This is what I mean by the detail...I was thinking, "Hell, I doubt my mother knows my favorite berry, let alone would go to the trouble to have some for me at a shower!"

[AMJ]

I don't like a party for me just because I don't enjoy being in the limelight. However I am a party person so I would honestly enjoy the party. The bigger the crowd the merrier.

 

 

Me, neither -- not a limelight person.  I prefer to be someone helping behind the scenes, dishing up food and passing platters.  I don't know what to do when the attention gets all focused on me.

 

Part of this is due to never having been trained how to graciously handle being the center of attention, and part of it is being an introvert.  I don't do crowds, and the only way I can speak in public is if the attention is on the topic and not on who is speaking.  I can teach, I can report.  Don't ask me to inspire and motivate.  And if there's a party give me something concrete to do to help others have a good time. 

[J-rap]

I've never had one, would never expect one, but I don't think I'd mind.  I mean, either way.  I'd know the person throwing it was doing it to be nice, and I don't mind parties so it would probably all be okay even though I'm not a big extrovert.

 

I still remember a surprise party my mother and I gave for my dad, just a small one when he turned 50.  It was just his closest friends, but something went wrong with the timing and one of the guests hadn't arrived, and I can't quite remember what happened except that for some reason his friends -- who were hiding in our home -- didn't feel it was appropriate to jump out and yell surprise right away.  And then my dad started talking to our dog, and the whole thing became so ridiculously funny.  

[elegantlion]

I think this is a lot of it for me, too.

 

When I was young, my SIL's family had a wedding shower for her. (I think it was a surprise but don't remember.) I was so jealous of the care and attention to detail lavished on her by friends and family, I cried later at home. One of her aunts had brought her a dish with raspberries in it, because it was her favorite berry! This is what I mean by the detail...I was thinking, "Hell, I doubt my mother knows my favorite berry, let alone would go to the trouble to have some for me at a shower!"

 

I get it. Morbid as it sounds, I've been thinking about this in regards to a funeral lately, stemming from my dad's death. His funeral was perfect for him, people from every stage of his life showed up, from high school to people from his last neighborhood. We knew what he wanted to be buried in. I started to realize, I'm not sure if my mother or son would know what songs I wanted played or what I wanted to wear. We're a family who does traditional funerals, so these are things that would be important for them to know. Not that I would really care when I'm gone, but don't bury me in a dress or in blue, stuff like that. 

 

I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't know my favorite berry. 

[AMJ]

Now, my senior year in high school the first day of school fell on my birthday, and our school moved to a "new" building (the vacated building of my old school).  For those of us who had been at the previous school when it closed it was a special occasion for our second school to move into the vacated building -- it was like coming home.  I thought my friends were giddy and silly and pushing me to hurry up and locate my locker because of the excitement of the day.  No, it turns out they got the office to help open my locker so they could stuff a big, yellow teddy bear inside for me.

 

Big surprise, kinda like a party, including some embarrassment for me (good-natured) as my carpool made me wait out in the parking lot for several minutes so everyone could see me with my bear.  But it was fun, I was the center of attention only for a few minutes at a whack, and I was surrounded by people who knew me and wished me well -- not one bully.

 

I can handle some surprises, but the more hectic life got the harder it became to figure out how to pull off such things.  Tired and hungry is not a good combination with SURPRISE!  You're the center of attention for the next 2 hours!

 

 

Now, I DID have a long-distance hand in getting a surprise for my Dad on his 80th birthday.  I called him to sing happy birthday and found out he was at a certain restaurant he frequented at the local airport and he hadn't mentioned his birthday to anyone there.  I also know my Dad likes accolades and recognition.  I called the restaurant, ratted him out to the waitress who answered (told her it was his 80th birthday), and asked if she could maybe sing to him there.  She did one better -- she got the ENTIRE PLACE, cooks, customers, even pilots walking past to all stand and sing to him and give 3 cheers.  He loved it, especially since everyone in the place stopped by his table to shake his hand.

[GoodGrief]

The year I married my husband, he took me to my dad's for a birthday cookout with my dad and stepmom.

 

The doorbell rang. A college friend who happened to be in town heard we were nearby and stopped in to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. My dh's best friend and his wife were driving by, saw our car, and stopped by to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. A childhood friend who was visiting his parents nearby decided to swing by and tell me happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. One of my very best friends, who lives in a completely different country, had happened to fly in to wish me a happy birthday.

 

In all, eleven friends (+ husband, dad, and stepmom) surprised me.

 

It remains one of the greatest things anyone ever did for me.

 

That's actually really nice. I like the idea of people arriving in small numbers. It feels like less of an attack than the big "SURPRISE!!"

[kbutton]

The year I married my husband, he took me to my dad's for a birthday cookout with my dad and stepmom.

 

The doorbell rang. A college friend who happened to be in town heard we were nearby and stopped in to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. My dh's best friend and his wife were driving by, saw our car, and stopped by to say happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. A childhood friend who was visiting his parents nearby decided to swing by and tell me happy birthday.

 

The doorbell rang. One of my very best friends, who lives in a completely different country, had happened to fly in to wish me a happy birthday.

 

In all, eleven friends (+ husband, dad, and stepmom) surprised me.

 

It remains one of the greatest things anyone ever did for me.

 

You spoiled my rage. That sounds so sweet. I might be able to handle that kind of surprise party IF I was relaxed, and people had made sure I looked nice somehow. I could probably also handle a "last day at work" kind of surprise at work or at a restaurant at lunch or something like that, but that's in the realm of semi-expected.

 

Otherwise, I've told my husband that a surprise party is grounds for divorce. It just never works--even a one-on-one barely surprise surprise never works out. Never. 

 

If someone ever threw me a party in my home by surprise, I would be absolutely horrified and feel attacked.

[Miss Peregrine]

I would hate a surprise party. I don't think anyone could get one over on me anyway so then there would be the addition of pretending to be surprised. No way.

[naturegirl]

I said no, I wouldn't like a surprise party in my honor, but I just remembered I had a surprise baby shower and I was actually really touched. I was uncomfortable for about 15 minutes, because I get embarrassed easily and usually don't like to be the center of attention. But then I relaxed and enjoyed it. It still makes me happy to think about it, knowing I had that many people cared enough to throw a surprise party for me. I mean I was definitely taken aback at first and felt weird about it, but it was all my closest friends at the time, so I ended up enjoying it.  

[theelfqueen]

My XH threw me one once and I was very young and I am pretty sure I behaved rather ungraciously... then promptly came down with a migraine (real, not feigned) and was able to excuse myself to my misery.

 

I had a very specific conversation with DH on several occasions about how I DO NOT want any kind of birthday party. Not now, not ever. Definitely not a surprise party. I don't mind hosting an event where I can hide behind busy-ness.... being the center of a party would make me want to die -- and probably trigger a migraine.

[nd293]

I would want to hide in the car, would be polite at the time, but would be so angry about it that it would definitely come out at some future date. It would never, ever happen though, my family at least know that much about me! They might surprise me with a dinner out or weekend away with a few girl friends, and that I would welcome.

[momto10blessings]

I hate them but act happy...

I'm debating whether or not I should tell a friend that her husband is planning one for her. I would want to be told.

[Rachel]

I have no idea how I would react. I think I would be grateful that someone cared enough to do that for me, but I would also likely be embarrassed. I am not a party person on the whole.

 

I was thinking of doing a surprise party for my youngest for his birthday. He is turning 11 soon and DD wants to give him a Hogwarts letter and a HP theme party. Now I am second guessing after reading the replies here.

You know your child well enough to know whether he would appreciate it or not. I think kids probably feel differently than adults for the most part.

[Corraleno]

I hate surprise parties and everyone I know knows that I hate them. The only one I've been subjected to involved coworkers throwing a going-away party after I'd explicitly told them I didn't want any kind of party, just a nice lunch with a few close friends. I walked into a room of 50 people screaming "surprise" on a day when I was totally stressed out, had been up most of the night, and looked like crap. I'm sure my face registered more shock than pleasure. I was polite, had a piece of cake, talked to a few people, and then escaped back to my office.

 

I think throwing a surprise party for someone you *know* will love it is a lovely idea. Throwing one for someone you know (or suspect) will not like it, seems passive-aggressive to me, like it's all about the party-thrower and not about the recipient.

[EmseB]

I can't believe how many people viscerally hate surprise parties. I knew there were people who didn't like the idea of them, but never would have guessed that it would make anyone mad. Especially not as mad as some people here are talking about. I can't figure out getting mad at a bunch of people getting together to celebrate me and putting in a large amount of effort to do so.

[mom2att]

I had one for my 40th. Since dh was involved, it was poorly planned, so people ended up at our house waiting for us for like an hour and a half while we finished dinner out. It was all close friends, so it was ok, but the actual party didn't last long since by the time we got there they were not wanting to stay much longer. At any rate, I was appropriately grateful for the well wishes, enjoyed the time with my friends, and afterward told dh kindly that he should never do that again.

[Soror]

I generally don't like surprises BUT my dh and bff(at the time) threw me a surprise party a few years ago. I was beyond touched and really treasured it, they just did it perfectly. It was low key and just my bff's family and my own, not a bunch of fancy decorations or pretense(I would have hated them going through all that trouble for me). Then they grilled and we had a nice dinner together and my husband gave me a really lovely gift. It was around people that I felt at home with, that I knew I could be myself with, so it worked.

 

Now, had this been a big party with lots of people I would have been embarassed. I would have felt awkward. I would have tried to be gracious but even when I want to I'm not always able to pull that off. I'm terribly at faking things, really terrible, I try I really do. BUT in a situation with a large number of people getting together, well I can't even think of a large number of people I'd want at a party- I'm more of a I've got a few close friends kind of gal. Lots of people would be fake to me. Then I would be stuck being really stressed out trying to be appropriately gracious, thankful and then mingling with everyoen.

[MEmama]

I can't believe how many people viscerally hate surprise parties. I knew there were people who didn't like the idea of them, but never would have guessed that it would make anyone mad. Especially not as mad as some people here are talking about. I can't figure out getting mad at a bunch of people getting together to celebrate me and putting in a large amount of effort to do so.

For me anyway, throwing me a surprise party would be disrespectful and selfish on behalf of the party planner. So yes, I would be angry and put out because they clearly weren't thinking of *me*, just of their own selfish motives. If they had taken *me* into consideration, they would know I wouldn't like it.

 

My mother happened to be visiting when I turned 40. She was SO angry at my husband because he hadn't thrown me a party or surprise...it was ridiculous. Of course I was so grateful to him for not giving into her. But if she had had her way, she would have created a truly uncomfortable night for me--all to satisfy something *she* would want. And she would be miffed that I didn't enjoy it.