Need opinion... Public or Christian High School?

[Michelle My Bell]

So you all helped me so much with my son a few months ago and now I need help with my daughter. School officially starts this upcoming week so I have to make a decision by tomorrow (Sunday). Anyhow here is the situation. My 16-year-old daughter (10th grade) has always been homeschooled up to this point. Last year I sent my son (age 10) and my other daughter (age 13) to the local Christian school as I felt I could no longer effectively homeschool with me being in nursing school and single. So off they went and both had a good experience for the most part. If you read my story about my son, we had issues with his reading and the school wanted to hold him back even though he is old for his age and even though he did well with his grades. So this year he will be going to a good public school. I met with the principal and he is a Christian man which makes me happy. The school is also considered a very good school district around here. We have several districts in my city.

 

This summer I told my older daughter that she would be going to school this year. She is a quiet, reclusive kind of kid. She doesn't do anything socially outside of the family and I felt her homeschooling was just mediocre. She did mostly BJU DVD's last year without me. She is not a shy girl, just quiet and to herself. Being home all day, shut up in her room just wasn't healthy for her. 

 

So we began looking into options for her. At first, I felt the Christian school I sent the kids to last year even though I had big issues with how they handled my son. I applied and paid the enrollment fee. When I received the financial aid package I was kind of shocked because the cost was so much more than it had been the year before. My older daughter isn't getting as much aid so I'll have to pay a lot more. I don't doubt that it can be done, but it is going to be extremely difficult. I have a poverty level wage at this point and I can't work more due to the demands of nursing school. I will be going the next 5 semester straight before I finish. 

 

So then we went to our public high school which is considered a good school. I met with a counselor, toured the building, met a few teachers and learned everything I could about it. I was turned off because the kids didn't seem to be doing anything in the classrooms and I didn't see any teaching going on. BUT we were there the last week of school and it was towards the end of the class period. It is a HUGE school... 2000 kids, and there is a big drug problem in my city so I felt like if I sent her there she would get offered drugs and other negative things. So I kind of wrote that off. 

 

Well yesterday we went to the open house for the Christian school. It was not a good experience. First, they didn't even have her schedule made. Then when they did make it at my request I started realizing how limited this school was. Her only choice for fine arts is choir. There is only one math teacher that I know is a terrible teacher so there are no choices with that and it is so expensive... So I started second guessing my choice for this school. 

 

So I am going to list every advantage and disadvantage of the two schools and I need opinions bad. I have spoken to people around me and have gotten many different responses so I need your thoughts as I feel so unsure what to do.

 

Christian School Positives

• Christian values taught throughout the curriculum
• Small School - approx. 150 kids in the high school
• Conservative 
• Safe
• DIY Drama program

 

Christian School Negatives

• Cost $3000
• No Art classes for my artsy daughter
• Only basketball, volleyball, softball, or track
• No clubs
• No class choices - Everyone takes the same stuff - Only spanish for foreign language
• Conservative - too much possibly (no dances, no homecoming, no football)
• No hot lunches, must pack everyday.

 

Public School Positives

• FREE
• Free lunch and breakfast if she wants it.
• 25+ Clubs to choose from
• HUGE sports program: Tennis, Track, Cross Country, Soccer, Softball, Cheerleading, volleyball, basketball,  etc...
• Fantastic Professional drama program
• Career and Technology Center that provides college credit. This is a wonderful program. 

 

Public School Negatives

• Size - 2000+ kids (My uncle said this was a positive because it meant she had her choice of friends)
• Could seriously overwhelm this quiet, always homeschooled kid.
• Drugs and other bad things. 
• Secular

 

 

[Debbi in Texas]

You mentioned there are other districts in your area. Might one of them be a smaller, better fit for your daughter? What are your daughter's feelings about the choices?

[Ottakee]

I would go with the public school.  The small school could be very cliquey and doesn't seem to offer very much.

 

The end of a class period at the end of the day isn't a good test of a school and learning.  Just honestly not much gets done those last few days, no matter what school it is.

 

The free breakfast and lunch is nice and saving the tuition money could really help your budget.

 

Is this the same public school your other one is attending?

[MedicMom]

Public school. The private school doesn't sound like a good fit for a lot of reasons. Plus with 2000 students, not all of them are doing drugs and other questionable activities. She will learn to plug in with those who aren't.

 

Frankly, my SIL is a music teacher at a private Christian school much like you describe. It is also in an area with a bad drug problem. She says that there are drugs there as well, because parents pull their problem children out of the public school and send them there hoping it will help.

[Michelle My Bell]

You mentioned there are other districts in your area. Might one of them be a smaller, better fit for your daughter? What are your daughter's feelings about the choices?

 

It is not possible to get into the other districts. She wanted to go to the public school at first. She doesn't like the Christian school. But now she said she is comfortable with whatever I decide.

[itsheresomewhere]

Just to add this- one of the top Christain high schools near me has a drug problem. It is well hidden unless you are a student there. So it wouldn't be in my decision making.

 

The public school sounds like it would be a better fit.

[Michelle My Bell]

I would go with the public school.  The small school could be very cliquey and doesn't seem to offer very much.

 

The end of a class period at the end of the day isn't a good test of a school and learning.  Just honestly not much gets done those last few days, no matter what school it is.

 

The free breakfast and lunch is nice and saving the tuition money could really help your budget.

 

Is this the same public school your other one is attending?

 

 

It is the same district but my son is in elementary (4th grade). It is not the same school building or staff. The way this district works is there are 10 elementary schools that funnel into two middle schools that funnel into this one high school. It is a very large district. 

[Farrar]

I'd do the public school. The drug aspect is probably not pervasive. It has a rep as a good school so there will definitely be some groups of friends who aren't into that. And the large aspect is probably going to be a positive socially for finding a niche. Small schools can be transformative and awesome... but they can also be cliquey and close-minded about accepting new kids.

 

Also, when it comes down to it, overall, decent public schools do a better job educating kids than small Christian schools. There are plenty of exceptions in both directions, of course, but I definitely wouldn't assume the education she'd get at the Christian school would be better. And if she can enter the public school without losing credits and having to start high school over (a common issue for homeschoolers in some states) then I think it's probably going to be more challenging.

[MEmama]

Public school. The private school doesn't sound like a good fit for a lot of reasons. Plus with 2000 students, not all of them are doing drugs and other questionable activities. She will learn to plug in with those who aren't.

 

Frankly, my SIL is a music teacher at a private Christian school much like you describe. It is also in an area with a bad drug problem. She says that there are drugs there as well, because parents pull their problem children out of the public school and send them there hoping it will help.

My husband has frequently pointed out that the private Christian schools his HS played sports against were the ones with the most and hardest drugs. 'Cause money and rebellion. It was well known that's where you went if you wanted the "good stuff".

 

The area encompassed the Midwest and Northeast, so probably not unusual.

[bettyandbob]

Has your dd visited the public school? while there are a lot of options for sports and clubs at the public school, would your dd be likely to access them. 

 

The Christian school sounds limiting. I would also be aware that a small Christian school can be quite cliquish. I wouldn't pay money for teachers I think are terrible. I think you should not believe since a school is Christian and small your dd will not be offered drugs or you can trust the parents to have supervised parties or that bullying is handled appropriately. My observation is that one has to pay even more attention to what goes on in private schools. 

 

My introverted dd went to a public high school with 2400 students. She found people like her to hang around. She didn't get into drugs or gangs (both are available). With some encouragement from me she found one activity and stuck with it all four years.

 

ymmv

[happi duck]

I went to a public high school with a bad rep.

 

Dh went to *the* Christian high school.

 

Comparing notes I vote public school.

[Aura]

I don't have much time, but when I was a kid, I moved from homeschool to small Christian school (VERY small---5 kids in my grade including me) and then moved to a different state and I ended up in public school. I will say that as far as the public school being larger, for me, a quiet homeschooled person, it was really not that big of a deal.

 

I got used to the size in just the first couple of weeks, and the larger school meant it was easier for me to "disappear" in the crowd and there was actually less demand for personal interaction or expectations than it was in the small Christian school. The difference in size was a bigger impact because of the teachers. The smaller school meant that the teachers expected me to interact with everyone, and I didn't always want to do that. (I would have rather sat and read a book.) The teachers in the larger public schools had a greater pool to draw from, so not as much was expected of me.

[Soror]

I'd go public. 

 

I went to a very small public school- I'm from a small town and my graduating class only had 30 kids. Anyway, I was always miffed that there was hardly anything that I wanted to do and there isn't much room to be different because you just stand out when there are so few people. If I ever put my kids into school it will be our large PS. The one Christian school here has a decent rep but one, gosh those people are psycho control freaks. I'd not want my kids learning Christian values from those people.

 

I'd guess drugs are at any of the schools, it just depends on who you hang out with and if your daughter is not inclined that way then I'd doubt she'd end up on drugs. I'd guess that although it may be a bit rough at first it could be an awesome opportunity for her to find some like minded friends- especially in art classes and after school clubs.

[gardenmom5]

I would do the public school.

 

I attended school with a girl who went on to teach at a Christian private school - it was a big eye opener to her. her experience was while there are some great parents,  there are parents would hardly generate enough evidence to convict them of being Christians. (some considerable evidence to the contrary).  she left for a public school, where  people tended to be more honest about who they were -  there are Christian who practice their religion even in the public sector.  they don't have to "preach it" vocally, but can simply be a good example of the virtues taught by the Savior. (which I prefer.  my grandmother constantly talked about what a great Christian she was - I learned what evil was from her example, because in reality she was a wolf in sheep's clothing.)

 

the only advantage I see of the small school is size - but you are trading off with many fewer subject options.

 

if kids want drugs - they will find them (even in private school.).  if they don't - they won't.  I only had one child who hung with kids who eventually ended up on drugs.  he wasn't interested, and dropped them as friends.  My brother dealt drugs from our home and frequently encouraged me to "try them" from the time I was in 7th grade (and seriously depressed), with one particular friend repeatedly trying to force me - I never did drugs.

[MercyA]

My gut says go with the public school.

[8circles]

Public.  No question.

[brehon]

Agree with everyone else...public school hands down. Honestly, from what you've described in this thread and in the other one about your da, there don't seem to be any positives to this private school. I wouldn't waste my money.

[Heatherwith4]

I'd definitely go with the public school.

[UCF612]

Given the information you've provided I would choose the public school.

[Guest]

The only really benefit of a Christian school is more cover to fight certain issues if the school is inconsistent with its own policies. Really. In this case especially I think your daughter may be happier at the public school but it might take a month or two or adjusting because of the size. She can always switch out if it is a horrible fit :)

[catz]

I live urban that has several very large public high schools with the whole range of teen issues.  That said, some of those schools have the best opportunities and community for kids that want to be academically challenged.  I think a 16 year old that has been homeschooled all the way through is more likely to be peer resistant unless you have particular concerns about her.  I'd save that money to help with college.

[holdinon]

I would normally say private school over public (but I know that's based on my bias from my particular area, where the public schools are consistently among the worst in the nation).  With the info given, I would not hesitate to choose the public school over this particular private school.  With 2000 students, she will find many that share her Christian worldview.

[Michelle My Bell]

I am so thankful for the reply a so far. It is giving me so much to think about. Please keep them coming.

[Harriet Vane]

I would vote public:

 

--That's the direction your daughter was leaning. Ownership over her journey helps her make it work.

 

--Art and music options. When I was in public school, being in Choir and Swing Choir were a real joy for me. There may also be theater or literary groups.

 

--Budget. If the private school had more to offer, this would be less of a concern. But it doesn't offer a ton, so you are paying tons for a very basic course. Put your money instead towards making the public school experience awesome--I think it will go farther.

 

 

 

Does your daughter attend a church youth group? If not, consider that option or Bible Study Fellowship or Community Bible Study. Having support for your faith helps at a public school. There might also be Christian groups on campus.

 

 

And what's the worst that can happen? If she hates public school, you can always switch. Tiny, struggling private schools will generally take any new student, any time. Might as well try the public school. And give it a good try--for at least a semester. The savings in budget and the options for involvement make it worth a good try, imo.

 

 

A piece of advice that worked for me at a large, public university, and that my dd is now trying to do at her large, public university: Make the big school a small school by joining stuff. Those crowded halls don't feel nearly as overwhelming when there are friends and activities to enjoy through band or choir or Spanish Club or whatever. The key is to jump in immediately, pretending inside to be bold and brave. Soon enough, it's no longer necessary to pretend.

 

 

I know you're a prayerful, caring mama. I will pray that God gives you the answer that is exactly the right fit for her.

[hellen]

Public. I think the numerous clubs and activities will make it easier to find friends. It's also cheaper and better academically.

[ktgrok]

Public. More people mean more chances to find fellow introverts, and people she really clicks with. As for Christian values, is there an on campus club for Christians? We had something at our very secular school, that met in the mornings. Or is she involved in your church? If so, I'd assume she'd know teens from there that go to her school?

[Guest]

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Edited September 9, 2020 by Æthelthryth the Texan

[elegantlion]

Agreeing with the public for a lot of reasons already listed. I'll add some from the single parent, poverty level income aspect. 

 

Free breakfast and lunch. Food is a huge issue for ds, he's always hungry. As a single parent, I have struggled in the past to make sure he is fed well enough. The time and money to pack a lunch while being a student is also a pain (for either parent or child). 

 

Fundraisers at the private school. Ds was in private Christian school for prek and K. We were broke then, just making enough to pay tuition. Every week, every month there seemed to be some sort of school fundraiser happening. They always seemed to be due right before pay day, so ds was left out of some activities because of our paying everything for tuition. Ds was oblivious to most of it, but would your dd feel the same way. 

 

Opportunities at public school. I would have felt stifled without art class in high school. I loved it. It's perfect for a creative introvert. Choir, otoh, is not. 

 

[DawnM]

We had somewhat the same decision to make and we chose public for some of the same reasons.

 

I would go with public.

[ktgrok]

Yes, the art classes alone would put me in the public school column, for sure. Your daughter deserves that outlet each day. I'm no artistic, but I am an introvert, and I took an art class most semesters just to have a quiet hour to work on something in silence. It really really really helped me get through the busy school day to have that break. Choir would NOT have met the same need, at all. (I took 2d art, 3d art, and photography)

[ktgrok]

Also, you could take the money you save on tuition and put it towards a mission trip for her at some point, if she was interested. 

[Meriwether]

Public. In a large school, she can find her tribe. If money weren't so tight, the private school might be fine. I wouldn't pay that much for community, though, when there are probably more kids with her values to hang out with at the public school. The trick is finding them, but it can be done.

 

[Michelle My Bell]

OK... I am overwhelmed that all of you are 100% agreement with one another. Wow! And I called a local lady that had a similar situation as me and her last child just graduated this year from that school as valedictorian and homecoming queen. She homeschooled some of her kids and sent some to the school. She gave me similar advice as all of you. So I guess I am going to jump on getting her enrolled before school starts. 

[Ali in OR]

Late to the conversation but agree with everyone else--public.

 

Putting the kids in our public high school has always been our plan. It's going very well for my rising junior. She found her "tribe" in band and in dancing in the school musicals. She's also a shy introvert, but she loves her school and the opportunities she has there. There are so many nice, good kids there--Christian schools aren't necessarily any better in that department.

 

Best of luck to your dd.

[eternalsummer]

my dh was offered drugs at christian summer camps, but not in high school (we went to the same high school)

 

I went to a 2400 person "good" high school in a suburb and was never offered drugs; if I had been I would just have said no
 

the kids at the PS will not be worse kids than the Christian kids, there just won't be religious instruction

[mamakelly]

My brother got into drugs at a Christian High school. It's everywhere. Don't make your choice based on thinking Christian school won't have drugs, it will. I vote public. She will find her crowd of people, and will love the art classes.

[ktgrok]

Private school just has more expensive drugs, lol. 

[Seasider]

Public school. The private school doesn't sound like a good fit for a lot of reasons. Plus with 2000 students, not all of them are doing drugs and other questionable activities. She will learn to plug in with those who aren't.

 

Frankly, my SIL is a music teacher at a private Christian school much like you describe. It is also in an area with a bad drug problem. She says that there are drugs there as well, because parents pull their problem children out of the public school and send them there hoping it will help.

True. By high school, too, many of the students have been attending school together for years, there are friend circles that just can't be broken into very easily. That may also be found at the public school, but at least the larger population provides more opportunity.

 

Don't kid yourself that the tuition cost is all you'll pay for at the private school. Surely you experienced this with your other kids - stewardship campaigns, fundraisers, extra fees for this and that because small schools like that have to press all tuition monies into overhead and salaries? Public school isn't free, either, but if you're not committed to the tuition bill, you are more likely to have budget space for extracurriculars in which your dd can grow some friendships.

 

She has to find her niche one way or another. The public school may be a bit of a culture shock on the surface, but based on my own experience with sending high schoolers to a private Christian school, the vice is there, too, just with a layer of veneer (sad but true).

[Farrar]

When the board agrees, you know we must be right. It's so rare!

[Haiku]

I would go with the private school. I find it unlikely that a seriously introverted, always-homeschooled kid who gets thrown into a huge school environment is somehow going to blossom into someone who joins a bunch of clubs and plays a lot of sports.

 

Free lunch and breakfast is not a positive. My dd went to a school with those things. Lunch was stuff like corndogs wrapped in cellophane and greasy pizza. Breakfast was stuff like donuts wrapped in cellophane and microwave waffles. I didn't allow her to eat it because it was too unhealthy.

[Haiku]

When the board agrees, you know we must be right. It's so rare!

 

And then there's me, who seems perennially destined to hold a dissenting opinion.  :mellow:

[TravelingChris]

I would do the public school.  YOu said that the math teacher is bad.  That is  a deal breaker for me.  Also, having art classes will be something she likes.    Not all kids who go to public high school do drugs.  I survived high school with some friends and I never went to parties.  I was okay about that.  I didn't want to get drunk and get in trouble.

[Farrar]

And then there's me, who seems perennially destined to hold a dissenting opinion.  :mellow:

 

I'm actually relieved to see a dissenter. Dissent is good. :)

[Alessandra]

Yet another vote for public school. High schools are often easier to fit into socially than middle or elementary schools. In the younger grades, students often take the same math, same LA, etc, so, if you don't fit in, it really shows. In high school, with so many more subjects, classes will not have the same group over and over. Each class offers a new chance to make friends.

 

In high school, activities (or sports) really matter. Your dd should try to get involved in as many art things as she can, organized clubs and also extra activities/volunteering. Think about student newspaper and yearbook as well as pure 'art.' Clubs with faculty advisors could help your dd feel safe. She will meet a like minded group of people.

 

There may also be a Key club or other volunteer group. Those usually attract nice people.

 

Some activities may have parent support groups. Parents in our school do publicity for school plays. If you have time, that could be a great thing to participate in. Or just keep your eye out for talks for parents, go to them and introduce yourself to staff. They like families who are involved.

 

If your school is like our school, be sure to sign up for any parent night appointments with teachers the first minute you are able to. Actually, the first second.

 

My other suggestion is for you and your dd to be pro active in communicating with school counselors. Most big high school have fairly big student services departments, so there should be people available in addition to dd's assigned advisor.

 

Find out about lunch. That can be hard at first. Ask about any student discussion groups that take place at lunch. Our school has relaxation classes that you can bring your lunch to. We also have an optional buddy system for new students. Ask about any kind of resource like this -- they can exist, but be hard to find on websites.

 

Warmest wishes to your dd! There will probably be an adjustment period, but she should find her niche after a while and end up happy and inspired.

 

ETA

Comment about free or reduced lunch. My experience is not extensive, but what I have seen is that schools try to avoid identifying those who get free/ reduced meals. Students pay by entering an ID number into the system at checkout. It is not obvious whether the bill is ultimately paid by parent or not. Students have access to the same meals. Well, I am not sure you could order, say 6 sandwiches a day on free/reduced plan, lol, but otherwise, the same, at least Ime.

 

Oh, adding more. If there are any activity fees, schools will most often cover these if you need aid. The same goes for trip fees.

Edited August 20, 2016 by Alessandra

[eternalsummer]

I was a quiet introvert in a large school; it was fine.  A smaller school tends to require (ime) more interaction, because everyone you see in the hallway or the bathroom or the lunch room is someone you know, and you can't ever get away.  Every class you have, you have with the same people.

[Guest]

Huge generalizations here but the kids I know who go to the expensive, private Catholic HS are entitled brats.  The pressure to Spring Break in Florida is huge (I know two families who took on debt to send their snowflake to the beach because "you're only young once!").  My son goes to public high school and I love it.

[QueenCat]

Public............. there are drugs at Christian schools. Just better hidden, and usually the more expensive variety as the majority of kids have more spending money. Overall, your public school sounds like a much better option. Remember that secular is not a bad word.

[Mergath]

Public. That private school sounds awful, and the public school will be big enough for her to feel anonymous if she wants to, which is nice for introverts. I mean, she's going to be surrounded by kids no matter where she goes. At the smaller private school, everyone will know her and her business. At a huge school, she can blend in and be just another face in the crowd. And it sounds like the public school will have some great opportunities for her.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

Agreeing with Public, other than size of the school it sounds like a better fit.

[eternalsummer]

Public. That private school sounds awful, and the public school will be big enough for her to feel anonymous if she wants to, which is nice for introverts. I mean, she's going to be surrounded by kids no matter where she goes. At the smaller private school, everyone will know her and her business. At a huge school, she can blend in and be just another face in the crowd. And it sounds like the public school will have some great opportunities for her.

 

Yes, this is how I experienced school as an introvert - the bigger the school the better.