Article: "Couples who met online three times more likely to divorce"

[JumpyTheFrog]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/11124140/Couples-who-met-online-three-times-more-likely-to-divorce.html

 

Although the article didn't state this, I am assuming that meeting "online" here means through dating websites, not, for example, by joining a Meetup or other group where people find each other online to do real life activities.

 

One quote I found interesting as the line about looking at too many dating profiles seemed to make people pickier.

[Epicurean]

I think there's probably a correction problem here too. You're moe likely to use dating sites if you're older and have already been married before. People who have been divorced once we statistically much more likely to get divorced again.

[ktgrok]

meh. I met my husband online and I'm not worried. But we married a few years after we first met in person, not on our first date or anything. 

[Farrar]

Huh. I previously saw a study that said pretty much the opposite... or that couples who met online were just as likely to stay together. I can't seem to find it now. It was awhile ago. I wonder if something has changed.

[Lawyer&Mom]

Huh. Dh and I met online. Why was I online dating? Because I was looking for a husband, and I knew finding a the right guy would take some digging. Online dating let me be very, very picky indeed!

 

If I had just wanted to date around, that would have been very doable. Online dating is just a tool. What you get depends on how you use it.

[Zinnia]

We met online, too, through a dating site.  Interestingly, we each were the first date that we went out on from the site, and we both never went out on another.  

[MEmama]

Huh. I previously saw a study that said pretty much the opposite... or that couples who met online were just as likely to stay together. I can't seem to find it now. It was awhile ago. I wonder if something has changed.

Probably the need for a new storyline. ;)

[KungFuPanda]

I think there's probably a correction problem here too. You're moe likely to use dating sites if you're older and have already been married before. People who have been divorced once we statistically much more likely to get divorced again.

I thought younger people were more likely to use dating sites?

[SparklyUnicorn]

I didn't read it.  I met my DH on-line, but long before the concept of on-line dating sites. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh I have to take that back.  Apparently Match started in 1995.  I had never heard of it at that point. 

[sassenach]

We met online, too, through a dating site. Interestingly, we each were the first date that we went out on from the site, and we both never went out on another.

Same for my mom and her husband. They got it done in one shot!

 

My FIL and his wife also met online. Both remarried parents found amazing people and their marriages are still going strong 12/14 years later.

[shawthorne44]

I met DH online.  He was the third person I met in person.   In fact, I never even paid any money because I cancelled my membership during the trial period.   He was looking for a person that fit a certain profile and so was I.   

 

I wonder if the problem is including all dating sites?   Many of them seem to have many who are looking for hookups while pretending to look for someone.   I remember back when I joined Matchmaker or Match (I forget which, the one that had a free trial).   There was also yahoo and something with fish in the name.   Both yahoo and the fish one seemed to have lots of people looking for 'casual' dates.  Seems that people in search of casual dates, and then falling into marriage would have less chance of staying married.  

[luuknam]

Although the article didn't state this, I am assuming that meeting "online" here means through dating websites, not, for example, by joining a Meetup or other group where people find each other online to do real life activities.

 

We met online too, but through neither of those options (not a dating site, and not a thing like Meetup where the goal is to meet in person). We met through an email list completed unrelated to dating, and with no goal of meeting people in person. We've currently been married 11.5 years.

[Carrie12345]

We're almost to 16 years.  If we ever do divorce, I think it would be pretty stupid to chalk it up to how we met, lol.

 

I CAN say that the first year was very hard. That probably had more to do with how quickly we got married than how we met.

[kewb]

Totally anecdotal but the two couples I know of who met through online dating are still happily married.  Although, technically one couple met through the personal ads because I am older than the internet.

[knoxinsox]

We met on eHarmony and have been married 12 years.  We dated a year and a half before the wedding.  I know at least 5 happily married eHarmony couples--probably more if I started digging in.   

[J&JMom]

I met my husband on Matchmaker.com. His membership was about to expire and I was only on 2 days before he messaged me. That was 17 years ago - married for 15.  

Edited July 19, 2016 by J&JMom

[Crimson Wife]

The people I know who met a spouse online and have been married a while had things in common that IMHO made their relationship more likely to succeed (ETA than people I know who are unsuccessful online daters). For example, one of my high school friends met her hubby online but they both attended the same university at the same time and had mutual friends. They just didn't happen to meet until years after they graduated.

Edited July 19, 2016 by Crimson Wife

[JumpyTheFrog]

Huh. I previously saw a study that said pretty much the opposite... or that couples who met online were just as likely to stay together. I can't seem to find it now. It was awhile ago. I wonder if something has changed.

 

The article said a previous study, sponsored by eHarmony, showed good results.

 

 

I wonder if the problem is including all dating sites? Many of them seem to have many who are looking for hookups while pretending to look for someone. I remember back when I joined Matchmaker or Match (I forget which, the one that had a free trial). There was also yahoo and something with fish in the name. Both yahoo and the fish one seemed to have lots of people looking for 'casual' dates. Seems that people in search of casual dates, and then falling into marriage would have less chance of staying married.

 

I think the article also said non-married dating relationships resulting from online dating sites had a higher breakup rate.

 

ETA: 28% higher breakup rate in the first year.

Edited July 19, 2016 by HoppyTheToad

[SparklyUnicorn]

We're almost to 16 years.  If we ever do divorce, I think it would be pretty stupid to chalk it up to how we met, lol.

 

I CAN say that the first year was very hard. That probably had more to do with how quickly we got married than how we met.

 

We are 16 years in August.

 

And yes, I would not chalk up issues to meeting on-line after all this time.

 

We did not marry quickly.  If anything our engagement was too long (I don't recommend a very long engagement either).

[StaceyinLA]

My niece and her husband met online and they couldn't be more perfect for one another. They went through one of the match-type sites and met up and dated for a good while before they got married, but they are a great couple and have been married 8ish years I think.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think it's really cool to meet people on the Internet.  It certainly widens the pool of potential mates.  I don't know how in hell I would have met someone otherwise.  I worked, but there were hardly any guys at my job.  I'm not really into clubs or sports. 

[fraidycat]

DH and I met online, but not through a dating site - I didn't know any existed until Sparkly just posted that one started in 1995.

 

We've been married 15+ years. If anything were to happen to our marriage, I doubt it'd be due to how we met.

[Crimson Wife]

It certainly widens the pool of potential mates. 

 

YMMV, but I don't see this as a good thing. Most of the single guys out there are people I'd have very little in common with. I haven't been single in over 2 decades, but if I were, I'd want to be looking in a smaller-but-more-selective pool of guys I actually have something in common with. Isn't there one where people are only matched if they have a social connection in common? That seems like it would have a higher percentage of plausible dates.

[Frances]

I think there's probably a correction problem here too. You're moe likely to use dating sites if you're older and have already been married before. People who have been divorced once we statistically much more likely to get divorced again.

Very true. I know four married couples who met online and in only one case was it the first marriage for both.

[SparklyUnicorn]

YMMV, but I don't see this as a good thing. Most of the single guys out there are people I'd have very little in common with. I haven't been single in over 2 decades, but if I were, I'd want to be looking in a smaller-but-more-selective pool of guys I actually have something in common with. Isn't there one where people are only matched if they have a social connection in common? That seems like it would have a higher percentage of plausible dates.

 

I meant the Internet in general and not necessarily dating sites.  I'm not interested and I don't know if I ever will be again if something happened, but if I were interested I don't have many opportunities to meet people for dates.  I'm not in any clubs.  I don't work.  I don't have friends who could recommend someone.  I don't go to a church.  So it probably would not happen unless I took steps to make it happen. 

[Lawyer&Mom]

YMMV, but I don't see this as a good thing. Most of the single guys out there are people I'd have very little in common with. I haven't been single in over 2 decades, but if I were, I'd want to be looking in a smaller-but-more-selective pool of guys I actually have something in common with. Isn't there one where people are only matched if they have a social connection in common? That seems like it would have a higher percentage of plausible dates.

Most of the guys, sure. But (at least in my major metropolitan area) there were *a lot* of guys... It's a numbers game. I used OKCupid. I looked at so many suggested matches, and rejected most. (You can tell so much just from a profile. Yes, I judged grammar!) It was work, but the best kind of work.

[LucyStoner]

I thought younger people were more likely to use dating sites?

Not if you factor out younger adults using apps (which are often more about hookups than dating). The big dating websites are more likely to have people in their late 30s and 40s than people under 30.

[Corbster98]

Add me to the list of meeting my husband online through a dating site. We are going on almost 12 years married :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Most of the guys, sure. But (at least in my major metropolitan area) there were *a lot* of guys... It's a numbers game. I used OKCupid. I looked at so many suggested matches, and rejected most. (You can tell so much just from a profile. Yes, I judged grammar!) It was work, but the best kind of work.

 

Yeah and where does one meet these people?  In a bar?  Meh.  I think it's possible to meet someone nice in a bar, but you have to sift through lots of people who might not be interested in meeting anyone seriously. 

 

Although at that point (pre marriage) I wasn't looking.  It just happened (and it happened to be someone I met on-line). 

[SparklyUnicorn]

You know though, the impression I got when younger was everyone seemed to want to meet people and took various steps to do so, but nobody admitted (in my experiences) to wanting to meet someone for a serious relationship (leading to marriage).  I did meet a few people on-line looking to date.  Mostly those prospects ended at a phone call because they often had this attitude like they just wanted what boiled down to hook ups.  I never went into any of that thinking of marriage, but I didn't want some one night hook up either. 

[LucyStoner]

Most of the married couples I know who met online did not meet on dating sites. One of my oldest friends met her husband while they were playing an online video game. They are happily married and have a baby now. They didn't rush into it. He moved cross country for her. I was skeptical at first but it's worked out very well. First marriage for both of them.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Most of the married couples I know who met online did not meet on dating sites. One of my oldest friends met her husband while they were playing an online video game. They are happily married and have a baby now. They didn't rush into it. He moved cross country for her. I was skeptical at first but it's worked out very well. First marriage for both of them.

 

Hell I was skeptical.  LOL  My husband is from another country.  It worked out though!

[KungFuPanda]

Not if you factor out younger adults using apps (which are often more about hookups than dating). The big dating websites are more likely to have people in their late 30s and 40s than people under 30.

I shouldn't have said dating sites. I meant through computers (sites, forums, apps) as opposed to in-person and not involving a screen.

[VeteranMom]

I picked my husband "out of a book" through a dating service 18 years ago.  It was before Match.com and E-Harmony.  We've been married for 17 years.  I didn't want to mess with meeting guys at church or bars.      

[fraidycat]

Hell I was skeptical. LOL My husband is from another country. It worked out though!

Mine too. :) Same continent, though.

[ktgrok]

Most of the guys, sure. But (at least in my major metropolitan area) there were *a lot* of guys... It's a numbers game. I used OKCupid. I looked at so many suggested matches, and rejected most. (You can tell so much just from a profile. Yes, I judged grammar!) It was work, but the best kind of work.

 

I met my husband on OkCupid! And yes, there was a LOT of weeding out, lol. Some REALLY weird people. 

[cintinative]

I met my husband online too. 16 years this October!  

[sewingmama]

DH and I met online on a dating website. He was in Canada and I was in Australia...couldn't get much farther apart then that lol.

 

I didn't believe him when he said he was getting on a plane to come meet me...he did.

 

We've been married about 16 years now.

[G5052]

I don't think you can broad-brush it.

 

A friend of mine remarried almost a year ago. She met her DH through one of the websites, but he ended up being local. They had so much in common that it was scary.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I know several happily married couples who met through an online service (Match.com, e-harmony, and a Christian one -- can't remember the name).  My FIL met his wife through a classified ad in the newspaper 30 years ago.  

[Katy]

I wonder how much of this is just the age of the era.  It became somewhat "normal" to meet online about 10 years ago.  Before that, people whispered or lied about it, IME.  So those relationships are now 7-10 years in, which is exactly when most first divorces happen.

 

Another OK Cupid marriage here. At the time it seemed the questions allowed for more thorough screening than Match, which at the time felt as if it were designed more for hookups than marriage, and eHarmony was not only expensive, it got me a couple creepy stalkers who were way more fundamentalist than me.

 

DH and I answered 98% of the questions the same, and the ones we disagreed on, we discovered we actually do agree, we just interpreted the questions differently. It makes our lives pretty easy and drama-free, because 98% of the time we're on the same page about everything. Having said that, our paths overlapped dozens of times, and it's very well possible we met in life before.  We were on the same college campus at one point, worked in the same places multiple times, and each had acquaintances who were friends with our acquaintances.  It feels like we were destined to be together, just had to be ready for each other first to finally get together.

 

I've told several friends to use OK Cupid, to answer as many questions as they are comfortable having about them on the internet, and to be as honest as possible.

[Teacher Mom]

I met my husband online long before dating sites. We just had our twentieth anniversary.

 

[shawthorne44]

I wonder how much of this is just the age of the era.  It became somewhat "normal" to meet online about 10 years ago.  Before that, people whispered or lied about it, IME.  So those relationships are now 7-10 years in, which is exactly when most first divorces happen.

 

Another OK Cupid marriage here. At the time it seemed the questions allowed for more thorough screening than Match, which at the time felt as if it were designed more for hookups than marriage, and eHarmony was not only expensive, it got me a couple creepy stalkers who were way more fundamentalist than me.

 

DH and I answered 98% of the questions the same, and the ones we disagreed on, we discovered we actually do agree, we just interpreted the questions differently. It makes our lives pretty easy and drama-free, because 98% of the time we're on the same page about everything. Having said that, our paths overlapped dozens of times, and it's very well possible we met in life before.  We were on the same college campus at one point, worked in the same places multiple times, and each had acquaintances who were friends with our acquaintances.  It feels like we were destined to be together, just had to be ready for each other first to finally get together.

 

I've told several friends to use OK Cupid, to answer as many questions as they are comfortable having about them on the internet, and to be as honest as possible.

 

Wow, you are so me!   DH and I were going to be in the same department at the same college at the same time, but in sort-of a snit I changed colleges shortly before the start.   We were at the same bar/restaurant a great many times, even ate/drank the same things.   Two of our close friends married each other and we had nothing to do with them meeting.   We even signed up as guinea pigs for online marriage counseling with this university pysch. department.  They were happy to have us, until we took this really long test and the results said that we had nothing to work through.   I am so glad we didn't meet before we did.   DH was a dog until shortly before we met.   I see God's hand in DH and I meeting when we did.   

[Carrie12345]

YMMV, but I don't see this as a good thing. Most of the single guys out there are people I'd have very little in common with. I haven't been single in over 2 decades, but if I were, I'd want to be looking in a smaller-but-more-selective pool of guys I actually have something in common with. Isn't there one where people are only matched if they have a social connection in common? That seems like it would have a higher percentage of plausible dates.

 

I don't see how online is *less selective.  Theoretically, you could weed out millions of people in seconds, as opposed to spending an hour per person wading through small talk in a coffee shop, trying to discover what you do or do not have in common with someone.

[DawnM]

Confession, I joined a Christian dating place before internet was a place to meet people.  I want to say 1992-1993 or so?

 

I went on some dates with very nice men, just not my type and then I went on some dates with guys I look back on and think, "That was a little scary!"

 

They all claimed to be Christians and I guess they had a profession of faith of some sort.  I only went out with two more than once.  One guy I actually felt bad about not wanting to go out with more.  He really was nice, just no spark.

 

I met my husband around that time, but NOT through the dating service.  We were friends from 1992-1994 and then started dating in late 1994.  We were married by mid 1995. 

[Prairie~Phlox]

I met my husband in fall of 1993 on a university chat room.  We married in 1995 and just celebrated 21 years this summer.

[SnMomof7]

Met on a dating website. He asked me to marry him

Before we met IRL. I said...let's meet first. He asked when he could

Propose. I said...at least 5 dates and we have to meet each other's parents. After date 5...

 

Then he asked how soon we could get married...I said I needed 2.5 moths to wrap things up.

 

3.5 months total.

Both never married.

 

It will be 15 years in October.

[SnMomof7]

DP

Edited July 21, 2016 by Jennifer Bogart

[Scarlett]

I am listening to NPR right now about a site called Settle for Love.

 

Interesting