I am starting a part time degree with three small children...advice please!

[razzles]

Hi everyone, I don't usually post on here but I have learned so much from you all over the last couple of years that I hope you can help me with some ideas. 

 

Some background...

 

Now that my youngest is 1.5 and I don't plan on having any more, I have realised that as much as I have loved being at home with them all, I really need something else to do. I love home schooling and the flexibility but I do get bored if there aren't any new challenges for me. Pregnancy was one of those challenges I enjoyed, as is homeschooling...but all the other stuff is getting a bit mundane and I feel like I am losing "Razzles" in a sea of motherhood. I have quite surprised myself as I was set on this being my "career" until the kids left home but I have just not been happy with it this last year.

 

Anyway, I have lots of experience in different business and science areas and have found a degree that I think will suit me really well. I did not complete EITHER of the degrees I have started in the past, before I had children  :crying: This sounds bad, however I do think that in the first case I was right to leave as it wasn't a good fit for me. I travelled, met my husband, got married, started a degree in a different field, then got pregnant! I tried to start again after maternity leave but they had cut the funding and there were no longer enough spaces for me. I still think this worked out well as it was in a medical field and I would have barely managed to work it around having kids, let alone homeschooling. 

 

So here I am now, planning a rigorous education for my children with two flunked degrees under my belt. I want this to work. I need it to work for my own sanity too. I would like to go back to work when my kids are in their teens (part time at least) and would like to start working on something that will help me with that. It will take me 8 years to complete the degree (honours), part time at 20 hours per week. 

 

I would really appreciate some feedback on my plans and tips from those of you that have been homeschooling or studying longer than I have. 

 

Currently I can get funding for childcare (I live in Scotland, free education and childcare funding) so I have decided that it would be best for me to go in to uni two full days (8 hours) per week, even though my classes will only be about 6 hours total. There was an online option but I need to get out of the house.

 

The two youngest kids (2 and 3) will go to a local nursery and my husband will work from home (he is in IT) on those two days to supervise my daughter (6.5 yo/1st grade age/P3 here) with her homeschool work and then walk her down to the after-school club. 

 

I would love some advice on how to work out homeschooling so that the time I'm at Uni she doesn't just do busy work, but at the same time doesn't need my husband so much that he can't get work done. He will be next to her at the kitchen table on his laptop, as she can't read fluently enough to be left to do worksheets on her own yet. 

 

Here is what I plan to do with her next year on the three days I am home during the week - 

 

Singapore maths 2A (we completed 1B over 3/4 of last year, and have been doing some refresher work for the last quarter). At 3 days a week I will be finished this book by Easter Hols 2017, which I think is technically ok since she is probably ahead for her age (2a US. Edition would be around 3rd grade in the USA, correct?) However if I could figure out a way to get 4 or 5 lessons done, as in the HIG lesson plan that would be great. I was thinking doing more one-on-one lessons on the three days, then mostly worksheets when she is with my husband. Ideas please?

 

SOTW - We are on the Middle Ages, not too worried about this as we only do it once per week. Can do additional map colouring with Daddy.

 

Websters Speller - I do this on the white board with her, so this is not something that would be easily done by my husband while working. Any good suggestions for complementary work that isn't just time wasting? She is not a fluent reader yet, and still sounds out most words, even some CVC words. We did Don Potter's Blend Phonics the year before which helped solve her word guessing (grr sight words, I didn't know better!). 

 

Reading - we read from oxford songbird books, as well as some kindle primer/beginner readers each day.

 

Read alouds - Husband does these at bedtime so that works. 

 

Handwriting - This is from a workbook. Not too worried about that.

 

Science - 1 or 2 times a week so fits into my days. 

 

I guess it's the Maths and Phonics/Spelling I am most concerned about since they are quite teacher intensive. 

 

Now the other thing is tips for actually studying well and looking after myself. I am clueless. I will have two whole days to myself (what is that even like!?!) and I plan on treating my studying as my job on those days, with a couple of breaks for food and a walk/gym use. 

 

I have loved the advice on planning out the school year for my kids, breaking into weeks and daily tasks, but any tips on doing it for myself? What do I actually DO in those hours I'm at the library?  :blink: I want to do this and make myself proud and inspire my kids to always be learning and following their curiosity but I have no idea how to do it!

 

Thanks in advance!

 

 

 

 

[MomatHWTK]

That's a pretty long list of I wants that are dependent on everyone else, including small children, conforming their lives to your needs. I would revisit your contribution to others beyond yourself. If you are unhappy in your situation, it is possible that a change that doesn't meet your expectations will make you even more unhappy.

[mamakelly]

I had 4 older kids, and was homeschooling 3, when I went back to college. However, I only took 2 classes at a time at the very most, and often only 1 per semester. Also my classes were online, so I was still able to homeschool everyone. It was a lot of work, 1-2 classes plus homework and study time. I couldn't imagine having 3 young ones, homeschooling and being in class 2 full days a week. I think you need to decide what's more important to you, homeschooling or going back to school, because you can't really do both well, imo.

[TranquilMind]

You absolutely can have it all.  You just can't have it all at the same time and do it all well. There are stages in life. 

Personally, your kids are so young and it goes SO fast, that I would let that be my focus for now.  Plenty of time in a few years - just blink and it will be here - to focus on you. 

At most, take a class or two.  A 1.5 year old - and I am presuming the others are quite young as well- is extremely demanding. 

 

Empty nester here in two weeks.  You can't get those days back, ever. 

It does sound as if your mind is made up, but just throwing my two cents in anyway. 

[maize]

I did an online degree while homeschooling, pregnant, and babying. Honestly it was madness but I did get through.

 

Hiring a part-time mother's helper made a big difference.

 

I do wonder with regard to your restlessness -- is it young children mothering that is feeling mundane? I only ask because I personally struggle with that. I love my little ones to death, but they drain me and do not provide the mental stimulation my mind craves. Parenting and educating older kids though--that's the part of mothering that I love.

[MomatHWTK]

Now that my youngest is 6, I am working part-time from home. But I still have to give myself a lot of margin to meet deadlines because stuff happens.

 

I wouldn't want to try to do something outside the home with no back-up sitter and young kids. In theory, OP hopes the main breadwinner could work from home a day or two a week. But in my household, I can't afford for the main breadwinner to be ill or unable to work because he's caring for a sick child. So- would I send two to daycare and then assume that they wouldn't bring home germs for everyone? No way.

 

What happens if the person who supports the family has a deadline, OP has an assignment due, AND the kids are sick and can't go to daycare?

 

My DH was the out-of-the house person for years because he was the one who could make enough to support us. I found my mental stimulation through books, hobbies, and online courses/Great Courses videos. Now, we are transitioning. When he retires, I'll be the worker-bee and he'll be on the front lines for sick kids and errands. He has always helped me when he could, even taking sick leave to stay home if needed. But, we were never in a position where we could afford to put his job security at risk in any way. 

 

I don't advocate mental atrophy, but I also don't recommend making commitments that one might not be able to afford to keep. 

[razzles]

Ok so it's going to take me a little while to digest the response to this, but I thought maybe I should clear two things up.

 

First of all, I *am* taking only one or two classes. It's a part time degree. I will have two classes per week totalling 6 hours but I have booked two full days of childcare so that my days in uni will be solely about my studies.

 

Secondly, if the kids or my husband get sick I am able to access both my classes via their online system, either live or later in the day. As well as all the notes, discussion boards and my tutor.

 

 

 

 

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[razzles]

That's a pretty long list of I wants that are dependent on everyone else, including small children, conforming their lives to your needs. I would revisit your contribution to others beyond yourself. If you are unhappy in your situation, it is possible that a change that doesn't meet your expectations will make you even more unhappy.

Am I reading this incorrectly or is this just kind of harsh?

 

A pretty long list of "I wants"? I want to get a degree so that I have a step up to working again some day. I also feel it would help me feel more balanced as a person which in turn would help me continue homeschooling at my best.

 

Everyone else conforming their lives? I think it's called compromise. Currently I conform my life to all of their needs. My husband is happy (excited even) to do some homeschool work with my daughter on the two days he'll be at home. And my 2 and 3 year olds get to go out and play with friends two days a week. Crafts, songs, sand play etc. It'll take some transition, but like I said...compromise.

 

"I would revisit your contribution to others beyond yourself."- what does this mean? That maybe if I focus even less on myself that would help? That I'm not already contributing to others?

 

I appreciate the honest opinions. If I really am wrong to do this then I want to know. But I thought about things rather carefully and came to the conclusion that for me to do this homeschooling journey well I had to find some balance in my life and not be with my kids 24/7. Does that make me awful?

 

 

 

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[razzles]

Being able to access online is great! So, on your two days, you'll be able to get your assignments done as well as your lectures ?

Yes Sadie, I decided I was not the kind of person who could get it all done around the kids and nap time etc. I have run a business from home when my first was very young and I didn't like the way I was never fully with her or my business. I was always thinking about business when with her and vice versa.

 

My two days will be completely dedicated to studying, and I will do it on campus. My other days will be about the kids and home only, the exception being exam prep where I might have to do some extra hours when the kids are asleep.

 

 

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Edited July 18, 2016 by razzles

[Laura Corin]

Hello.  I'm in Scotland too. I don't have any experience of doing what you are doing - the most I did was an MBA by distance learning whilst working full time, but I didn't have children at the time.

 

I just wanted to suggest that you check about funding for fees and childcare.  There are usually limits on how many years of free funding you can get, and your previous degree attempts might count against you.  So I'd contact the Scottish funding authorities to check.

[razzles]

Thanks, I have already received the funding. Because I did midwifery before it did not count, as it was bursary based. My first degree attempt was so short (I realised quickly it was not for me) and mostly contributed to by my parents that I had little to pay back.

 

 

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[razzles]

I do wonder with regard to your restlessness -- is it young children mothering that is feeling mundane? I only ask because I personally struggle with that. I love my little ones to death, but they drain me and do not provide the mental stimulation my mind craves. Parenting and educating older kids though--that's the part of mothering that I love.

Yes, this.

 

 

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[razzles]

Your dh will find it easier to get clear work time if he spends 10-15 minutes with her at the top of each hour. Fill up her tank first, then set her up to work/play.

Thanks for all the ideas Sadie. This was the plan regarding his time. He can take quite a lot of small breaks if needed due to the nature of his work, so this kind of thing would work.

 

 

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[Rosie_0801]

I would be concerned that two days would not be enough time to complete your coursework. Even one subject has a way of eating up your whole life. What if the first lecture of the day wipes you out and you are useless for further study for the rest of the day? (I learned not to read linguistics papers first thing in the morning the hard way.)

 

One subject per semester is probably enough. But I guess it depends how much time each subject requires. I'm resuming tertiary study this semester and two subjects are considered full time, so I'm pretty worried about managing the one.

[razzles]

I would be concerned that two days would not be enough time to complete your coursework. Even one subject has a way of eating up your whole life. What if the first lecture of the day wipes you out and you are useless for further study for the rest of the day? (I learned not to read linguistics papers first thing in the morning the hard way.)

 

One subject per semester is probably enough. But I guess it depends how much time each subject requires. I'm resuming tertiary study this semester and two subjects are considered full time, so I'm pretty worried about managing the one.

 

I am taking two classes the first semester (6 hours per week) and 1 class (3 hours per week) the second semester. I have to take at least 3 classes per year to attain 60 credits, which is the minimum for part-time funding. They recommend a total of 20 hours (study and lectures/assignments) for part-time and 40 hours for 120 credits (considered full time here, with 12 hours of lectures). I am not sure if the Scottish credits system is different from the US one, but for my degree the full time students will complete six classes over the whole year.

 

I too worry about managing the course load, but that in itself is not a reason, IMO, not to try it. I have been itching for years to get into something academic and my own projects, khan academy etc just aren't cutting it anymore, plus I want to work towards something that will help me in a career later. 

 

I agree that I could be seriously wiped out by lecture first thing and struggle to focus the rest of the day, that's a reason I'm looking for advice on planning out my own work load. 

Edited July 18, 2016 by razzles

[wendyroo]

Just curious...but do you have a long term plan as to how you will be able to complete your degree as your kids get older?

 

My kids are similar ages to yours, and I am anticipating my homeschooling work load is going to get significantly heavier in the coming years.  My oldest is starting second grade and that is already taking more one-on-one time with me than last year; he is ready for longer chunks of school time, but not yet capable of much more independence.  In the next couple years you and I will both move from having one young elementary student who requires minimal organized schooling to three students, one moving into the logic stage.

 

Wendy

[razzles]

I have thought ahead and while I have many viable options I don't think that I can know for sure until I get there which option I will take.

 

First of all my husband wants to share the homeschooling workload so while the work he does will probably be lighter, since he is responsible for completing his own paid work on those days, it's not like I'm doing this all in my own.

 

The next two years I will only have one school age child. The year after that another one will join and two years after that my youngest will join us. That takes me to year 5 of my degree until I have three at home fully. I anticipate that by then I will be able to get more studying done at home vs now with toddlers hanging off me all day. We can schedule homeschool time and Mummy school time. With a youngest at 5 he will be much more able to understand that and of course the level of supervision is so much less than for a 2 year old.

 

My course is very flexible and I can work online as much as I want but for now childcare makes more sense. I can also take breaks as Sadie said.

 

I have a mum and an aunt who are reducing their work hours as they approach retirement and are very supportive of hs'ing. They would be delighted to take one of the younger school age children and spend the day reading, playing games etc.

 

Then of course there is the option of doing school through my own academic time off which is more than the kids usual school breaks. We can school all year at 3/4 days a week.

 

Loads of options I think. The main thing for me is to get a good start so I don't find myself behind with no wiggle room for life and kid stuff. And learn how to study effectively for myself which I'm sure will be a great skill to pass on to my kids also.

 

 

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[wendyroo]

First of all my husband wants to share the homeschooling workload so while the work he does will probably be lighter, since he is responsible for completing his own paid work on those days...

 

This is the part that I would be very concerned about.  My husband works from home (at a similar job) once in a blue moon and he really struggles to get anything done.  Even one child can be very needy and distracting.  Even if each interruption is short it can derail your train of thought often enough to really slow you down.  Since my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family, I would not want him to be trying to multitask for over a quarter of his work hours each week.

 

If I were determined to get a degree at this stage of life I would put my kids in school and daycare (if it were free!!) and go to school full time for four years.  Then I would get a part time job and start bringing the kids home as they hit middle-school age.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Wendy

[PeterPan]

I agree that I could be seriously wiped out by lecture first thing and struggle to focus the rest of the day, that's a reason I'm looking for advice on planning out my own work load. 

 

I don't know if you're already there in you're mind, but you're describing ADHD.  What are you going to do if your kids also have your energy and bent and need very customized experiences to reach their full potential?  It's not something you can hand off.  They'd be better off in school than with someone who is implementing lists.

 

 And learn how to study effectively for myself which I'm sure will be a great skill to pass on to my kids also.

 

You notice you already succeeded in life so far without this... I'm just pointing out that your kids ARE GOING TO BE LIKE YOU.  All this energy and restlessness you have, they will have.  This need for novelty, to try new things, to go in unique directions, they will have.  The LACK of need to push through a typical school system, they will have.  They're likely to be like you, and your kids are so young you don't yet realize it.  

 

I think that if you wait and let your kids get just a little older, you're *probably* going to get your socks knocked off by how busy they would keep you, each going in their unique directions.  I think it's best to do the coursework at your best time of day.  If you're a night owl, then taking a whole day off won't mean it gets used productively anyway.  You might actually get more done carving out two hours a night if night is your most productive time.

 

And the issue of focusing fatigue is very real!  My dd wears earbuds to stream her online college classes.  She can do them at any time, and she can do other things while she listens to the lectures to help her focus.  She can eat, move, take breaks, etc.  

 

I can see why, with only one dc of school age, you're feeling bored.  I just wouldn't underestimate how challenging it will get if your multiple kids all turn out to have as much energy and enthusiasm as you do.  Can you do a class in summer term so that it's 1, 1,1 rather than 2, 1? 

Edited July 18, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[razzles]

This is the part that I would be very concerned about. My husband works from home (at a similar job) once in a blue moon and he really struggles to get anything done. Even one child can be very needy and distracting. Even if each interruption is short it can derail your train of thought often enough to really slow you down. Since my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family, I would not want him to be trying to multitask for over a quarter of his work hours each week.

 

If I were determined to get a degree at this stage of life I would put my kids in school and daycare (if it were free!!) and go to school full time for four years. Then I would get a part time job and start bringing the kids home as they hit middle-school age.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Wendy

If it becomes a problem we have other options before going for an all or nothing approach. I can also convert my course to full time at any time if I want to.

 

Also how is having children of middle school age and working part time much different than me carrying on with a degree part time?

 

 

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Edited July 18, 2016 by razzles

[wintermom]

 

I think that if you wait and let your kids get just a little older, you're *probably* going to get your socks knocked off by how busy they would keep you, each going in their unique directions. 

 

:iagree:   I found those toddler years are mind numbing, but once we were doing an interesting curriculum it was just as exciting for me as it was for the dc. For the years while there were lots of toddlers, I resumed my martial arts training, which is a wonderful blend of physical and mental stimulation. I went right up to my 3rd degree black belt and was an assistant instructor. My dc were able to join in for a very reduced pay. My dh was thrilled with the extra energy I gained through being more healthy physically as well as mentally.

 

I'd recommend that you start with one course only, and see how the situation goes. If you are trying to create balance in you and your family's life, it has to include something positive for EVERYONE.

[razzles]

I don't know if you're already there in you're mind, but you're describing ADHD. What are you going to do if your kids also have your energy and bent and need very customized experiences to reach their full potential? It's not something you can hand off. They'd be better off in school than with someone who is implementing lists.

 

 

You notice you already succeeded in life so far without this... I'm just pointing out that your kids ARE GOING TO BE LIKE YOU. All this energy and restlessness you have, they will have. This need for novelty, to try new things, to go in unique directions, they will have. The LACK of need to push through a typical school system, they will have. They're likely to be like you, and your kids are so young you don't yet realize it.

 

I think that if you wait and let your kids get just a little older, you're *probably* going to get your socks knocked off by how busy they would keep you, each going in their unique directions. I think it's best to do the coursework at your best time of day. If you're a night owl, then taking a whole day off won't mean it gets used productively anyway. You might actually get more done carving out two hours a night if night is your most productive time.

 

And the issue of focusing fatigue is very real! My dd wears earbuds to stream her online college classes. She can do them at any time, and she can do other things while she listens to the lectures to help her focus. She can eat, move, take breaks, etc.

 

I can see why, with only one dc of school age, you're feeling bored. I just wouldn't underestimate how challenging it will get if your multiple kids all turn out to have as much energy and enthusiasm as you do. Can you do a class in summer term so that it's 1, 1,1 rather than 2, 1?

I was going to reply but you edited your comment. So I'll assume you didn't mean that part to sound the way it did. I understand that university is a different level of studying than school and self teaching so I want to be prepared for it.

 

Why do you assume I am ADHD? Because I am a SAHM that would like to do something else with my brain?

 

I am very busy all day, it's not about the amount of energy my children need from me, it's about my mental stimulation and potential career goals.

 

I thought this forum seemed pretty supportive of people in all situations- working parents, part time working, stay at home parents, online-students....

 

What is it about my situation that is making people get so upset? Is it because I'm putting them into childcare instead of studying online? Is it because I've admitted that I would actually *like* to do this for myself and have a little bit of a life away from my kids.

 

My friends and family have all been so supportive, I'm feeling a bit deflated by the response here to be honest.

 

I appreciate the points that need consideration so that practical solutions can be made, but I'm wondering why so many people seem to have the attitude that I shouldn't even attempt to make it work?

 

 

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[razzles]

Also I'm wondering...

 

Why would the kids be "better off in school than with someone who implements lists" and what does that even mean? I have a plan for this next year but no where have I said I wasn't interested in helping my kids pursue their own interests.

 

 

 

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Edited July 18, 2016 by razzles

[lmrich]

Can your children attend the after school hours on days you are not university? If so, you could shorten your university days and study every afternoon. Only suggesting this because sometime one can only study for so long without needing a break. For example, if I were taking a math class, I could not go to class, study, and work all the practice problems in the same day without a long break. But then again that is just me...

 

Also, can you homeschool your dd on the weekends a bit? That way on the two mornings you are gone, you know you have covered everything she needs. 

 

The plan seems fine for the time while there is only child at home with hd to homeschool, but you will need to reevaluate his ability as more kids join him during his workday. My dh cannot multi-task. Maybe yours can.

[Mosaicmind]

I got my bachelor's and master's degrees between 2006-2013 and during that time I homeschooled 5-7 kids. Also, I had an internship then a part-time job for a year and half, plus my hubby got a job out of state and because we couldn't sell our house I was a single parent between 2009-2012.

 

None of it was easy but it was doable, with help. My kids ranged in ages from 4 to 16 when I started that spring semester in 2006, so I had older kids who could help out when needed. I used a strict schedule because I knew if I didn't that nothing would get done.

 

Some of my kids did got to public high school at that time so I wasn't homeschooling them. They were also all involved in soccer, public school and rec teams, and youth group/church activities. I felt it was important that they got to do fun things in the midst of all the craziness.

 

I waited until most of my kids were older because I knew I couldn't do it while they were little and needed me for everything. I'm not saying that you can't do it but it's going to take lots of help and support. You can't sacrifice your family for the sake of your education. Kids are only little for such a short time and they can't understand as well as older kids can why mommy can't do stuff with them or is in a bad mood because she was up until 4am writing a paper for a class. I will pray that it all comes together for you.

[razzles]

Can your children attend the after school hours on days you are not university? If so, you could shorten your university days and study every afternoon. Only suggesting this because sometime one can only study for so long without needing a break. For example, if I were taking a math class, I could not go to class, study, and work all the practice problems in the same day without a long break. But then again that is just me...

 

Also, can you homeschool your dd on the weekends a bit? That way on the two mornings you are gone, you know you have covered everything she needs.

 

The plan seems fine for the time while there is only child at home with hd to homeschool, but you will need to reevaluate his ability as more kids join him during his workday. My dh cannot multi-task. Maybe yours can.

Yes I've considered the after school club as an option when they reach school age, however with having two pre schoolers I think, think, it will work better for us to do the two full days right now. It means we are together all day on my days off uni.

 

My husbands work is of a project nature so sometimes he has little to do unless a problem arises, other times he has more. That's where we would factor in some extra work with me as needed. At the moment we complete all our work in the morning so if there was a need to catch up we do have afternoons and weekends free to do so.

 

 

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[wendyroo]

If it becomes a problem we have other options before going for an all or nothing approach. I can also convert my course to full time at any time if I want to.

 

Also how is having children of middle school age and working part time much different than me carrying on with a degree part time?

 

 

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True.  I don't think there is much difference between having one middle school student and working part time and having one middle school student and going to school part time...other than that you will be making money in one case and not in the other.  

 

But, the paths that lead you to those two destinations could look very different.  In my head, 4 years of you being in school full time, your husband being at work full time and the kids going to daycare/elementary school would be hard, but still vastly easier than many years of your husband trying to squeeze child care and homeschooling into his full time job and you trying to fit the rest of homeschooling into three days while simultaneously parenting a house full of small children...AND still having several more years of course work to complete before earning your degree.  For me, I would feel like I was short changing my husband and my children.

 

I truly do wish you the absolute best luck, but I'm just sharing that for me and my family the arrangement you are proposing would be untenable.

 

An acronym you may wish to use on this board in the future is JAWM = Just Agree With Me.  If you mark your post, or portions therein, as JAWM, then responders know that you are not interested in hearing other viewpoints on that topic. 

 

Wendy

[razzles]

I got my bachelor's and master's degrees between 2006-2013 and during that time I homeschooled 5-7 kids. Also, I had an internship then a part-time job for a year and half, plus my hubby got a job out of state and because we couldn't sell our house I was a single parent between 2009-2012.

 

None of it was easy but it was doable, with help. My kids ranged in ages from 4 to 16 when I started that spring semester in 2006, so I had older kids who could help out when needed. I used a strict schedule because I knew if I didn't that nothing would get done.

 

Some of my kids did got to public high school at that time so I wasn't homeschooling them. They were also all involved in soccer, public school and rec teams, and youth group/church activities. I felt it was important that they got to do fun things in the midst of all the craziness.

 

I waited until most of my kids were older because I knew I couldn't do it while they were little and needed me for everything. I'm not saying that you can't do it but it's going to take lots of help and support. You can't sacrifice your family for the sake of your education. Kids are only little for such a short time and they can't understand as well as older kids can why mommy can't do stuff with them or is in a bad mood because she was up until 4am writing a paper for a class. I will pray that it all comes together for you.

Thanks for sharing this. In that last paragraph you mentioned the staying up til 4am...this is something I hope to avoid having to do often by having childcare and support/plans in place but of course the unpredictable does happen. I do love my children dearly, but I enjoy them a lot more and play a lot more enthusiastically when I have had a little time and life with other adults. I am hoping that by doing this I can help balance out that. Maybe that sounds awful but it's just the truth of how I work. I have been at home for 7 years and I miss my own challenges and achievements. When I have that going on I'm a much better mum in my experience!

 

 

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[Mosaicmind]

I don't know if you're already there in you're mind, but you're describing ADHD. What are you going to do if your kids also have your energy and bent and need very customized experiences to reach their full potential? It's not something you can hand off. They'd be better off in school than with someone who is implementing lists.

 

 

You notice you already succeeded in life so far without this... I'm just pointing out that your kids ARE GOING TO BE LIKE YOU. All this energy and restlessness you have, they will have. This need for novelty, to try new things, to go in unique directions, they will have. The LACK of need to push through a typical school system, they will have. They're likely to be like you, and your kids are so young you don't yet realize it.

 

I think that if you wait and let your kids get just a little older, you're *probably* going to get your socks knocked off by how busy they would keep you, each going in their unique directions. I think it's best to do the coursework at your best time of day. If you're a night owl, then taking a whole day off won't mean it gets used productively anyway. You might actually get more done carving out two hours a night if night is your most productive time.

 

And the issue of focusing fatigue is very real! My dd wears earbuds to stream her online college classes. She can do them at any time, and she can do other things while she listens to the lectures to help her focus. She can eat, move, take breaks, etc.

 

I can see why, with only one dc of school age, you're feeling bored. I just wouldn't underestimate how challenging it will get if your multiple kids all turn out to have as much energy and enthusiasm as you do. Can you do a class in summer term so that it's 1, 1,1 rather than 2, 1?

 

I'm not sure that you can make a statement that her kids are going to be like her, which isn't bad, but you really make it sound horrible. Of my 7 kids, there's only 1 that's remotely like me and it's all the good points, thank goodness.

 

I've gone to college for 7 years to get both my bachelor's and master's degrees, while homeschooling my kids and doing everything else that comes with being a wife and mother. It can be done, though very difficult at times, you find what works. Waiting until the kids are older doesn't make much of a difference, mine were 4-16 when I began and it was hard. I was successful because I had the support of my husband and friends, who never once told me that it couldn't be done.

[Rosie_0801]

What is it about my situation that is making people get so upset?

 

Possibly because small children are very time consuming and tertiary study is nastily expensive. 

 

It's fine for your relatives to be supportive, but if they won't be homeschooling your kids, doing your homework or paying your student loans if you have to drop subjects after the census date, their support is only pleasant words that could just as easily turn into bashing you for overcommitting or something equally unhelpful.

 

Many people around here are living life on the edge financially, emotionally and all the ways. It makes us cautious. We're not bashing you. We're just cautious.

[Mosaicmind]

Thanks for sharing this. In that last paragraph you mentioned the staying up til 4am...this is something I hope to avoid having to do often by having childcare and support/plans in place but of course the unpredictable does happen. I do love my children dearly, but I enjoy them a lot more and play a lot more enthusiastically when I have had a little time and life with other adults. I am hoping that by doing this I can help balance out that. Maybe that sounds awful but it's just the truth of how I work. I have been at home for 7 years and I miss my own challenges and achievements. When I have that going on I'm a much better mum in my experience!

 

 

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I agree! For the last 3 years I've been bedridden due to something wrong with my spine and hips. We've only lived here for 4 years, so I had little time to make friends here. I stay in bed about 23hrs a day, 7 days a week, and I only leave my home to see my pain dr every other month or my surgeon every 3 months. I have no friends here and the only adult I talk to is my husband and a couple of our adult children who still live at home. No one comes to see me or call so I get very lonely without having friends. I have zero family either. I get what you are saying and some moms are better when they can get out and do what they like. We are all different and need to recognize that we should encourage each other in these differences and not try to force each other to conform to the same thing. How boring it would be if we were all the same.

[ReadingMama1214]

I just want to say that it is doable. Hard, but doable. I only have one at home to school and she's a preschooler and a 2.5yo son. I'm currently working on my masters degree and take 6 credits per semester. Each class is 8 weeks long, so I only have one class at a time, but 2 per semester. I also do my classes online and it is a lot of reading and online discussion.

 

I would kill for 2 full days of childcare. Maybe I'll move to Scotland! My kids are with me 24/7 with the exception of the 4.5yo going to a program for 3hrs a day 4 days a week. I also babysit a 1.5yo 3 days a week and another 2.5yo one day a week c

 

I typically so school between 8pm and 2am. It's hectic and busy and stressful, but I get it done and do well. I also do less than the recommended amount of time for each class.

 

It requires a lot of discipline and lowering of standards. My house is messier and my kids get more screen time during My finals week than I'd prefer. I realized that I couldn't do everything 100%. I had to lower my expectations and standards. I use breaks to reorganize and deep clean the house before a class starts again.

 

I agree with others suggestions on what to do with school. Give your daughter a lighter load. Do the bare necessities and anything else you get in is extra.

Edited July 18, 2016 by ReadingMama1214

[razzles]

Possibly because small children are very time consuming and tertiary study is nastily expensive.

 

It's fine for your relatives to be supportive, but if they won't be homeschooling your kids, doing your homework or paying your student loans if you have to drop subjects after the census date, their support is only pleasant words that could just as easily turn into bashing you for overcommitting or something equally unhelpful.

 

Many people around here are living life on the edge financially, emotionally and all the ways. It makes us cautious. We're not bashing you. We're just cautious.

Small children are time consuming, yes, hence (funded) childcare and not trying to cram it in around my time at home.

 

Expensive- I get free funding in Scotland.

 

I'm glad you guys are advising me to be cautious, but many of the posts seem like people think I'm doing something awful to my husband and kids by even considering it.

 

 

 

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[wintermom]

Small children are time consuming, yes, hence (funded) childcare and not trying to cram it in around my time at home.

 

Expensive- I get free funding in Scotland.

 

I'm glad you guys are advising me to be cautious, but many of the posts seem like people think I'm doing something awful to my husband and kids by even considering it.

 

 

 

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Well, have you done anything similar to this to see how things are likely to go before jumping into this? When my youngest was born, my dh took paternity leave and "The Plan" was that he would homeschool the 2 oldest dc while I was with the baby and toddler. It took 1 day to discover that this just wasn't his thing. He was great at bedtime routine, but a full day was completely different. We quickly changed the plan to him taking the baby and toddler out of the house for an hour or 2 in the mornings while I homeschooled the 2 olders. It was perfect. You don't leave any options for plan changes in your scheme.

 

You say that you've been home 7 years and haven't done anything for you. Maybe venturing out in a smaller scale first, by attending a continuing education course in the evening for a season might be an idea. 

[razzles]

Well, have you done anything similar to this to see how things are likely to go before jumping into this? When my youngest was born, my dh took paternity leave and "The Plan" was that he would homeschool the 2 oldest dc while I was with the baby and toddler. It took 1 day to discover that this just wasn't his thing. He was great at bedtime routine, but a full day was completely different. We quickly changed the plan to him taking the baby and toddler out of the house for an hour or 2 in the mornings while I homeschooled the 2 olders. It was perfect. You don't leave any options for plan changes in your scheme.

 

You say that you've been home 7 years and haven't done anything for you. Maybe venturing out in a smaller scale first, by attending a continuing education course in the evening for a season might be an idea. 

 

 

Thanks for your reply. Yes my husband has tried this as he works from home regularly. He has homeschooled our daughter for a few weeks after I had our son and will often complete hs work with her if I have to take the others to the doctor etc. We obviously have not tried it full scale yet, but I do have back up plans if it proves a problem. Anywhere from having her do only her workbook based work on those days, to schooling year round to make up for those days, to having one of my willing relatives to take her on those days and do her work with her. 

 

Yes I have been home for 7 years and have done plenty of interesting projects and learning online, however it really isn't the same as getting my teeth into a subject I'm interested in and achieving a degree. My avid crocheting and powerlifting have not done much for my future career prospects either. 

[razzles]

I just want to say that it is doable. Hard, but doable. I only have one at home to school and she's a preschooler and a 2.5yo son. I'm currently working on my masters degree and take 6 credits per semester. Each class is 8 weeks long, so I only have one class at a time, but 2 per semester. I also do my classes online and it is a lot of reading and online discussion.

 

I would kill for 2 full days of childcare. Maybe I'll move to Scotland! My kids are with me 24/7 with the exception of the 4.5yo going to a program for 3hrs a day 4 days a week. I also babysit a 1.5yo 3 days a week and another 2.5yo one day a week c

 

I typically so school between 8pm and 2am. It's hectic and busy and stressful, but I get it done and do well. I also do less than the recommended amount of time for each class.

 

It requires a lot of discipline and lowering of standards. My house is messier and my kids get more screen time during My finals week than I'd prefer. I realized that I couldn't do everything 100%. I had to lower my expectations and standards. I use breaks to reorganize and deep clean the house before a class starts again.

 

I agree with others suggestions on what to do with school. Give your daughter a lighter load. Do the bare necessities and anything else you get in is extra.

 

Thanks for your support. I think I will look more into the supplemental games etc she can do on the days my husband is home. He is very keen on doing history with her this year and possibly some science in as well. I think Sadie had good ideas about that. While I LOVE doing the project stuff, it would be best to schedule this for the days she is with dad in case his work means they can do less without any harm done. Then reading together and supplemental games. On my days I will do more of the strenuous work, one-on-one (well as much as I can be with the other two around!) and new skill teaching. 

 

Do you have any tips for college studying? Resources etc? I found this site that touched on some good ideas, so I am sure there must be some more great resources out there. https://howtostudyincollege.com/time/

[EmseB]

I did mine totally online, and it was hard, but doable. Mainly I just slept less. Since I knew there was an end date, I just kept pushing forward. Cut down to one class when I was pregnant, took a semester off after baby, otherwise I was taking two at a time. But, yeah, I did ok on less sleep for awhile, studied and wrote papers in the late and wee hours.

 

And now I'm done and it's great!

[mumto2]

I haven't read the thread very well but a few thoughts for now. Probably going to be a bit scattered but I want to post something and time for bed.

 

I don't think you can plan for what things will look like far in the future, I would think about your first year maybe first semester.

 

I would make dh responsible for some subjects from the start. Personally I would pick things that are typically done a couple of times a week. Science, history , art? Obviously as she gets older pick an online subject he is in charge of.....raspberry pi? Put him in charge and don't second guess him. Also have him do a read aloud. Chapter a day when he is on. Bonding and special for all.

 

I would do something like the suitcase a pp mentioned since dd and dh will have the house to themselves for the first year. I set up stations which you could do on your wayout the door if your prepare your stuff in advance and rotate. Maybe six tasks on the sitting room carpet plus an artsy type thing if dd can be left alone with little supervision while she creates. I set out things like a jigsaw puzzle, cards with words that I made to create a sentence or two, tangram puzzle (picture or two with the blocks), whatever you can think of. Things like building a pyramid out of duplo are fun to go with history. Paper doll historical figures maybe. This is the time for the creative stuff. Thinkfun brand games might perfect for this time. When daddy day is done they go away.

 

All I can think of right now. I do think it can work. One of my good friends has kept a traditional career going while home eding 4 on a two day a week plus late night schedule. Her dh or mil covered one day when kids were little so she could be on site and she worked at home another day with dh in house. Lots oflate nights.

[razzles]

I haven't read the thread very well but a few thoughts for now. Probably going to be a bit scattered but I want to post something and time for bed.

 

I don't think you can plan for what things will look like far in the future, I would think about your first year maybe first semester.

 

I would make dh responsible for some subjects from the start. Personally I would pick things that are typically done a couple of times a week. Science, history , art? Obviously as she gets older pick an online subject he is in charge of.....raspberry pi? Put him in charge and don't second guess him. Also have him do a read aloud. Chapter a day when he is on. Bonding and special for all.

 

I would do something like the suitcase a pp mentioned since dd and dh will have the house to themselves for the first year. I set up stations which you could do on your wayout the door if your prepare your stuff in advance and rotate. Maybe six tasks on the sitting room carpet plus an artsy type thing if dd can be left alone with little supervision while she creates. I set out things like a jigsaw puzzle, cards with words that I made to create a sentence or two, tangram puzzle (picture or two with the blocks), whatever you can think of. Things like building a pyramid out of duplo are fun to go with history. Paper doll historical figures maybe. This is the time for the creative stuff. Thinkfun brand games might perfect for this time. When daddy day is done they go away.

 

All I can think of right now. I do think it can work. One of my good friends has kept a traditional career going while home eding 4 on a two day a week plus late night schedule. Her dh or mil covered one day when kids were little so she could be on site and she worked at home another day with dh in house. Lots oflate nights.

 

Thanks for the ideas!

[madteaparty]

You're not doing something awful.

 

Your dh can cope, as will the kids. It's not as if you're planning on taking up a scientific post in Antarctica for the winter or something.

Agreed, I couldn't believe some of the posts in this thread. They're only little once, true, but they also go through middle school exactly once and then same thing for high school. I would just relax my expectations of everyone, including myself ;), so as you don't set yourself up for disappointment.

[Happy2BaMom]

I completed a master's degree (started when my kids where 2.5 and 5.5 and finished nearly 4 years later. Kids are now 10 and 13). The good news: it can be done, I was glad to finish it, and overall I feel the education was worthwhile. The not-so-good news: school took far, far more than I thought it would at the beginning, it made my personal and family life much, much more stressful - for years, and I did NOTHING creative with my children's education for those years, because I didn't have time. I missed a lot of what could have been relaxing and enjoyable times with my kids. Part of me will always regret that. I do use the degree, sometimes, but I still have mixed feelings about the cost to get it.

 

You sound like this is something you need to do, which is great - you have ambition and are interested in the world. That's not a fault! However, I think some people are reacting, because perhaps they've seen what I've seen far too often in the homeschooling world: parents who want to homeschool their kids, but who also want to lead their own personally fulfilling lives, and they want them both at the same time. It rarely works out to the child's advantage...I won't go into the details, but I've seen a lot of kids who clearly would be better served by being in some schooling situation full-time so mom and dad could pursue their own dreams. (There's nothing wrong with them pursuing their dreams, BTW - but homeschooling, to be done well over the course of years, requires a LOT of parental focus, time and, yes, sacrifice.) So that's where some of the blowback may be coming from. 

 

I say start it. It might work fine. But try to remain honest about whether your children's education starts turning into "finish these five workbook pages and then we're done" day after day after day (ask me how I know....:-) and whether being at home is the best during all of these years. 

 

And, be aware...this is the internet....post any personally-revealing situation and prepare to be sand-blasted.....:-)

[Incognito]

I actually thought about doing what you are doing - I understand both sides of this: why a number of people have reacted somewhat negatively, and I also understand why you need it and the good it will likely bring to you and your family.

 

I have friends who thrive on being out of the house a lot and busy.  And they homeschool.  I find it impressive.  I have found that when I am out many days, and/or when we have a lot going on outside the house, it is hard to get our "work" done.  

 

For a 6yo, that likely isn't as big of a deal.  It gets a lot harder as there are more kids and they need to do more time and attention intensive learning in things like math.  It sounds like you understand that things may change as the kids age and time passes, but I'll put in there the idea that I have late elementary students now and they need me almost as much as they did when they first started - maybe more.  So as they age, unless you have amazingly focused older kids, you may find it hard to carve extra time out for higher level studies (and/or you'll have a lot less time because you'll be schooling more kids).  But that is in the future. 

 

For now, you have an exciting plan that sounds overwhelming to me, but which may well be perfect for you.

 

For SOTW and your DH, have you considered the audiobook with the Activity guide?  It is an easy way to do it.

 

 

[razzles]

I have been sent several PM's about this thread, one of which sent me a link to this. While I came to the conclusion on my own, this video almost perfectly describes what it is that has driven me. It's a great watch regardless of your opinion on my decision, I think. Enjoy!

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ztbqQniZyDA

 

Happy2BaMom and Incognito, thanks for your replies. And yes I have the STOW activity guide for this year. I treated us to it this year since I was anticipating going to Uni, so wouldn't have the same time to plan all of our own activities...it looks great! I wish I'd bought it last year and saved myself the hassle. I haven't got the audio book but hope to buy it. I also found a great blog that lists different documentaries and bbc shows related to each chapter of SOTW so I'm excited to dip in and out of those.

 

 

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[Rosie_0801]

 I also found a great blog that lists different documentaries and bbc shows related to each chapter of SOTW so I'm excited to dip in and out of those.

 

 

If you look in the link in my siggie, you'll find lists of Horrible Histories sorted by SOTW chapter. 

 

For something a bit more high brow. :p

[razzles]

If you look in the link in my siggie, you'll find lists of Horrible Histories sorted by SOTW chapter.

 

For something a bit more high brow. :p

Lol, thanks Rosie, I'll check that out. I'm sure my husband would enjoy that as much as the kids!

 

 

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[sewingmama]

It sounds doable to me. I am doing a degree part time..two classes a trimester usually but only one this time around as I was getting burnt out on writing papers so taking a break. Mine are all online so I can schedule easily around other commitments.

 

Having two full days on campus would be great if you have childcare. Do your classes then work on your papers/homework whatever you have to do in the library for the rest of the time.

 

You will need to do further study. The best time for me is at 5am when my kids are still asleep. They get up around 7-30-8 so I get 2-3 hours every morning to study. We do school 9-1 pm every day. Afternoons are free. I can do extra work then if I need to but I usually don't. I use Sundays when we are home all day anyway to make sure everything is finished for the week.

 

Honestly though, I waited till my youngest was 5 to try my own school because my kids were the type who just needed too much of my time and had unpredicable sleeping habits. Its only now when they are semi independent I can cope well with my course but your kids might have a more predictable routine which would make it easier to handle.

 

Also make a firm goal that you will not shortchange your homeschooling routine. It is very easy when you have deadlines looming to push it aside to get your work done and then come end of term you find your kids are way behind and spent a ton of time entertaining themselves or watching tv. I am very strict that I won't shortchange my kids education for my own...I get extensions etc if I have to but my kids schooling comes first.

 

Your oldest is just 6 though and there is only one of her so school should take next to no time. I school all three of mine in 4 hours a day. Honestly at your DDs age I would just school her three days a week and let her play the days you aren't home but I'm a minimalist unschooler at heart.

 

My oldest has dyslexia, my middle is gifted and my youngest is a high spirited craze ball LOL. Even with these needs and 4 hour a day schooling my kids took the standadised tests and got above 90% in every subject..even my dyslexic kid. So having kids with extra needs doesnt necessarily mean you have to spend many extra hours with them to accomplish learning goals. I've found the opposite to everyone else...as my kids get older they want to work independently more and more. They get offended when I suggest working with them LOL. I purposely chose curriculum though where the lesson is all spelled out in the student book so they don't need me unless they don't understand something. That is something you will have to consider...try not to choose curriculum that is heavily parent intensive. I do still do everything with my 6 yo as he is not a fluent reader but his lessons are all short so they don't take long at all.

 

I think you can totally do it but you need to make a strict schedule and stick to it and carve out set study time, family time, homeschooling time etc so nothing gets shortchanged.

 

As for having "me time" and looking after yourself LOL..forget it. During semester your me time is study time or family time or reading your text book in the bath. Your excercise will be limited to grabbing the baby off the slide while trying to read papers and watching your kids run around the park.

 

But if you are willing to make the sacrifice...you should be able to do it. You are lucky you have childcare and a DH that can help. My kids are with me 24/7 and my DH is gone 8am-9pm everyday so I do it all on my own and I manage and its not even stressful once the routine is in place.

 

Go for it girl.

Edited July 26, 2016 by sewingmama

[regentrude]

Coming late to this thread, and am honestly appalled by the tone of some replies. 

OP: you are not selfish for not finding total fulfillment as a SAHM of young children. Your wish to go back to uni for your education is valid, and I would encourage you to give it a try. Sounds like you have childcare all set up and a DH who is on board with homeschooling, so I don't see why you should not give it a shot!

 

I did not do well as a SAHM and can relate to the restlessness. For me, it developed into actual depression, and the most important step that helped me get well was returning to work part time. I worked about 50% even after I pulled my kids out of school to homeschool, and gradually increased hours as they got older. Granted, my situation was different, as my kids were older at that point and I only have two; OTOH, you may have the ability to take your education slowly and start with a low course load to see how things go first.

 

I think that you may regret it more not to have tried than you would regret having tried and not succeeded in making it work. I find that wondering what would have been is the worst feeling; wondering whether I could have made something work, when I never got a chance to give it a try.

 

So, please do not let people tell you that your wish is selfish. This may be putting the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others. But be realistic when you attempt this, let go of unnecessary expectations in the household, accept help, and be prepared to re-evaluate the situation if you find yourself struggling. All the best!

Edited July 26, 2016 by regentrude

[sewingmama]

I personally think it is very sensible to get as much education as ypu can as soon as you can. If something were to happen to your DH its good to be prepared to support your family and earn a higher income then if you had to go on welfare. Thats why I am doing it..security for the future which is just as important to kids as having a parent home 24/7 when they are little. You will be there most of the time anyway... my kids went to kindy at 4 yo a couple times a week..they loved it and have no ill effects. They got sick exactly one time the whole year and it was a slight cold.

[katilac]

OP, I agree that you're getting some rather odd replies based on your plans. 

 

I'm usually one of the people urging caution on what can actually be accomplished when you are home full-time with small children, lol, but you actually have two full days without the kids. That's a big deal, and so is the funding, spouse on board, and supportive family.

 

Plenty of people work from home with kids. I know people who work from home full-time, with kids home full-time. I don't think that's a great idea myself, but a pretty independent job with a 6-yr-old, 2 days a week? Yeah, I'd try it. Your dh won't be the first person to show up with a kid in tow in case of a work emergency, I would guess. 

 

It sounds like your system is different from the one in the states. If you could take a slightly lower load to start, that would be great, but it sounds like you can't. I wouldn't not try it based on that. 

 

If your kids get sick, I would assume you would do what millions of working parents do - figure something out. 

 

As far as specific tips: how are your classes scheduled? Do I understand correctly that you are in class for 6 hours total each day, or does hours mean something more like credits? 

 

Preferably, I would want a break of some kind in between classes and studying. One could be a walking/exercise break, one could be a food break, and so on. Other than that, I've never had a problem with doing assigned work on the same day as attending the class. You might have to fit in some work here and there on other days, or some studying, but that's workable. 

 

Myself, I would start off with a written schedule and adjust as needed. The biggest hurdle to getting work done is actually getting to the point where you are sitting at the table with the book open, so I would schedule "class 1, 9-10.30, lunch break till 11.30, homework 11.30-1, walk break 1-1.30, class 2, 1.30 - 3," and so on. A written schedule doesn't let me delude myself into thinking I'm being more productive than I am  :laugh:

 

For your dd, I would probably just plan on math and phonics being 3 days per week, and the school year being longer. It's often hard to split up that kind of work, bc mom has one teaching style and dad has another. 

 

 

[razzles]

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm currently writing on my phone so I can't quote all the individual bits but here are my comments...

 

Katilac- I have 6 hours of classes, total, each week. 3 hour class for one module, 3 hour on the other. Most likely different days. Thanks for the advice on scheduling, I'm definitely going to mix it up with some breaks etc.

 

Regenetrude- thanks for your comments. I can really relate to your comments. I feel like starting this is a step towards keeping me mentally healthy so that I CAN survive homeschooling three kids until they are finished high school.

 

Sewingmama-I agree with your comments about making sure my homeschool doesn't suffer, which is why I posted here. It's hard to predict how the seasons of our homeschool will change but I'm quite happy with the plan that my husband and I have come up with. It'll take some tweaking but I feel like it'll actually benefit my daughter to have both of us actively involved like this. My husband is really excited to get involved. We realised he'll actually have about an hour and a half after I take the littles to nursery to do homeschool, before he has to start work. In my opinion that is PLENTY of time to cover the essentials with a 6 year old and have the rest of the morning for art, music, history or science projects.

 

And yes, that sense of being able to stand on my own two feet should it come to it, is something I don't think should be seen as trivial.

 

Thanks everyone for the replies, and the acknowledgement that it's not an awful selfish thing to do to my family. Someone that PM'd me mentioned the fact that if I'd come on here asking for advice on my husband taking on part time study on top of his full time job I probably would have received very different comments. I have been pondering that since then.

 

 

 

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