the impossible to potty train child

[caedmyn]

Any tips for potty training a 3.5 yo who just could not care less? He doesn't even care if he's poopy. He will rarely take himself or tell me if he has to go (though he's quite capable of doing so) and I cannot stay on top of it well enough to keep him dry endlessly. I've tried pullups, cloth trainers, even underwear (very short-lived on those...can't handle pee on the couches or carpet at this point and inevitably he has an accident shortly as soon as he comes in contact with either, and I always fail at keeping him on the hardwood floor only). It would be really nice to not be changing both newborn and almost-4-yo diapers in a couple months when the baby comes!

[MotherGoose]

IMO, assuming there are no developmental issues, 3.5 is old enough to be told, " you are a big boy now. There are no more diapers. You will have to stay in the areas with a hardwood floor etc until you can use the potty. Here is a portable potty." And mean it. Don't go anywhere for a week. Make it project status. If he poops in his pants, make him wash them out. Or let him be totally naked so there are no barriers at first (or maybe he wears a long t shirt ). He doesn't get a diaper for naps. Be very matter of fact about it, no drama, no asking if he needs to go. No anger. No excessive praise beyond, "good job! I knew you could do it!" ETA: my dd sounds just like him. I tried all the typical things, but she didn't care. I had to take away all the crutches, stay home, and it was fast. Problems wiping, so hence she was washing out panties in a bowl of water in the yard, which cured it pretty quickly, but I probably didn't start that till she was closer to 4.5. My younger one I started with staying with the potty, staying in the room, at about 2.5 and she figured it out very quickly. However, she's still my child who doesn't want to get dirty. Older could still care less about being dirty :). I see that you have olders, and they will probably have to be taken into your confidence to not nag, help, hide, etc. if you could send them off somewhere for a couple of days that would be great!

Edited July 8, 2016 by MotherGoose

[Junie]

A friend gave me the advice of having the child wear underwear with a pull-up over it.  The child still feels wet, but it doesn't destroy the furniture, etc.

[Murphy101]

That would be correct. There is no ethical way to force someone to pee or poop when they aren't ready no matter how convenient it would be for caregivers.

 

I'd take him to the dr to rule out medical physical reasons.

 

But it is not outside the normal range for 3 year old boy to not be potty trained and many that are still need help at naps and through the night.

 

If he isn't ready, no amount of punitive measures are going to make him ready. And are highly likely to add problems.

 

I don't potty train. At all. They get undies when they go use the potty on their own. If he has delayed sensation or tends to be too distracted to go until it's too late - punishment is unlikely to be as productive as insisting on regular and often trips to go potty. And that won't end accidents, just reduce frequency.

Edited July 8, 2016 by Murphy101

[SemiSweet]

My 3.5 year old is the same, he doesn't like to be poopy but doesn't care at all about being wet. We are on day 2 of potty boot camp. At naps he gets a diaper and yesterday he woke up and immediately pooped in it, but we ensured that didn't happen today. He's been ok about peeing but refusing to poop in the potty and he finally did it today. We have blocked off 5 days for this boot camp, I'm hoping it works, so far so good. He's completely naked or just a tshirt during all waking times. He does not pee or poop in random places but would go if he had on underwear.

 

ETA- he has shown all the signs of readiness, dry over night and naps, willing to sit on potty, pee in potty, knows and tells us during or immediately after poops, etc. Potty readiness cannot be forced.

Edited July 8, 2016 by SemiSweet

[PeterPan]

IMO, assuming there are no developmental issues... 

 

Just going to toss out that with some kids it *is* developmental.  My ds didn't even begin to potty train till 4.5 and was still wet 4-5 times a day until this year (7+).  Ironically, when we began OT one of the therapies (Therapeutic Listening) helped.  So I wouldn't assume it's *not* developmental, not when you've tried a lot of things.  If he's young enough to qualify with EI (early intervention), you could call them.  Therapeutic Listening was like magic for us, and it's something turns out they use a lot with EI.  They just listen to it with special headphones. Not saying that's the only thing they could do, but just that there might actually be things they could do if it was developmental.

Edited July 8, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[eternalsummer]

The way we potty train is to leave bottoms off entirely for oh, a week or so.  Demonstrate the correct method, watch like a hawk, and as soon as the kid makes some indication of needing to go, take him with you to the bathroom.  He may go first or you may have to go first; either way, plop him on, let the inevitable happen, then wait for the next time.  Do not punish messes, just clean them up.  There will be messes.  It's only a week or so :)  With some of our kids who are less aware we also get a few of those very simple portable potties to leave around the house and demonstrate their use as well - sometimes the kid just doesn't realize what is happening (or doesn't have a good sense of how urgent it is) until it is too late to go all the way to the bathroom.

 

That may not work for you but since you haven't tried it at all I thought I'd mention it.

 

In our house this literally has nothing to do with either reward or punishment.  It would be like rewarding or punishing walking, or drinking from a cup, or being able to read, or something.

[Junie]

Also, ITA agree with previous posters that you have to wait until they're ready.

 

Full disclosure:  Dd5 is just in the past few weeks ready to be potty-trained.  She does have some mild physical delays, so earlier attempts failed.  When I realized that we were both getting frustrated, I backed off quickly and waited.  And waited.  ...

[Crimson Wife]

My SN child #2 potty-trained within a week of being treated for systemic yeast infection (ETA: she was already #1 trained on a schedule). That wasn't the reason that the doctor treated for yeast but it was a most welcome side effect. This particular article deals with yeast in kids with autism but it is applicable to all children: http://www.tacanow.org/family-resources/what-is-yeast-overgrowth/

 

Edited July 8, 2016 by Crimson Wife

[barnwife]

I will be a voice of dissent. Barring physical issues, it's way past time to PT. The worldwide average for eliminating urine and feces in a culturally approved location is 18 months. Yes, at that age parents definitely are still involved, but the kids are getting the urine and feces in the right places.

All of ours have (day) trained by 2ish. We simply give lots of diaper free time and don't stress about accidents. When one occurs, we say "poop/potty go in the toilet" and clean it up. It's not reward or punishment. 

All that to say, I'd go the diaper free method a pp mentioned at your child's age. And yes, he/she would be helping to clean up messes. (If you make a mess, pick it up is one of our family rules. Doesn't matter what kind!) That's not punishment. That's just what you do when you make a mess. 

[kbutton]

Well, mine had developmental issues that we didn't know about until he was 9. He was ready to potty train at 15 months (would rip his diaper off and run to the potty, held pee all night and even sometimes for an hour after getting up!), but he refused any and all help to get on the potty (because we didn't require help to get on the potty! I kid you not!). He had really super short legs for 15 months, so he couldn't get on without at least a stool, and that was not acceptable to him. I got him a baby potty, and he was so disgusted that it wasn't the real potty that he refused to go. He went from HATING to be wet even a smidge to completely sitting in a wet, poopy diaper as soon as that baby potty came along.

 

When he was 2.5, we tried to initiate. We did typical potty rewards. He negotiated like a lawyer and kept upping the ante. We finally said, "Look, we know you can do this, so do it." I am not sure exactly how we pulled it off, but it worked. Oh, one thing that helped was that he had been using cloth diapers, so he knew he was wet. Cloth training pants were not "different" enough to help him feel it immediately because they felt like cloth diapers, and he had decided he no long cared about being wet and poopy. We bought Buzz Lightyear pull ups that got cool when wet and changed color when wet. We told him Buzz didn't want to be peed on. While he knows it's pretend, he really liked Buzz, so it worked anyway.

 

So, yeah, I think having a conversation and just giving it a try is okay at this age, but I would not be punitive. If it's still a big issue, then I'd find out if more is going on. Even after potty training, my son tended to ignore pressure in his bladder and let a little leak. That would relieve the worst of the pressure, and he'd continue to play. That was part of his developmental issue--that, and not knowing that potty breaks are always necessary. He wouldn't tell a teacher he needed to go even if it was an emergency because he didn't think he could. If only one kid was allowed to go to the bathroom at a time, that totally messed him up even though he could've told the teacher how urgent it was and been moved to next in line.

[MotherGoose]

My 3.5 year old is the same, he doesn't like to be poopy but doesn't care at all about being wet. We are on day 2 of potty boot camp. At naps he gets a diaper and yesterday he woke up and immediately pooped in it, but we ensured that didn't happen today. He's been ok about peeing but refusing to poop in the potty and he finally did it today. We have blocked off 5 days for this boot camp, I'm hoping it works, so far so good. He's completely naked or just a tshirt during all waking times. He does not pee or poop in random places but would go if he had on underwear.

 

ETA- he has shown all the signs of readiness, dry over night and naps, willing to sit on potty, pee in potty, knows and tells us during or immediately after poops, etc. Potty readiness cannot be forced.

My dd who was about 2.5 when she trained would not go for hours, all morning. Then nap time came. The first day, I put her down in a diaper And she used it. The second day, I did not put on a diaper, and she wet the bed. No big deal, we cleaned it up. By the third or fourth day, she was dry, and has been dry ever since (barring illness or whatever). There was no drama, there were no emotional issues--it was "oh oh, let's clean this up. Pee pee goes in the potty." I think at one point she asked for a diaper, but I told her no. This entire problem was solved in less than a week. She was in control, I just didn't give her a diaper. I'm very sure if I had given her a diaper, she would have had many more accidents.

 

Once again, I'm talking about a child who is developmentally normal.

 

After my first one, who didn't want to use the potty, but who managed to pull her diaper aside and "pee in the yard like daddy," and who also took off the wet pull up she peed in while she was "busy playing" and put on a dry one, I was done. I have to say there has been much less. (As in almost none) potty drama with child #2 when I adopted a matter of fact way of dealing with it.

Edited July 8, 2016 by MotherGoose

[Suzanne in ABQ]

My ds was 3.5, and refused to go where I wanted him to go.  He was totally "ready" and capable of holding and releasing at will.  He just wouldn't do it for me.  It was a conflict of the wills (basically, if it was Mom's idea, it was a bad idea).

 

Fortunately, around that time, my mom came to visit for a week.  She asked if I wanted her to give it a try, and I told her to go for it!  Within two days, he was dry day and night.  How did she do it?  She set a timer for 30 minutes at first, and worked up to 45 minutes.  Every time the timer went off, she stopped whatever she/they were doing, and said, "It's time to wee-wee".  Within a day, he'd hear the timer and go by himself.  After the second day, he no longer needed a timer.  And he never wet the bed.  He just handled it.

 

So, was it the timer, or was it my mom?  Well, I had tried the exact timer method, and it didn't work at all.  Was he just suddenly "ready", when he hadn't been ready the week before?  Doubt it.  He just needed to decide to do it, and he responded better to my mom than me.  Or, maybe it was because she was entirely focused on the task.  She didn't have any other responsibilities.  She was there to play with the kids, and chose to potty train my ds while she was at it.  Maybe it was all the positive attention?  Maybe he resented my busyness?  I have no idea.  I'm just glad it worked!

 

It may not be possible for your mom to come and potty train your son.  But, maybe there's something else in this story that will be helpful.  

[PeterPan]

The worldwide average for eliminating urine and feces in a culturally approved location is 18 months. Yes, at that age parents definitely are still involved, but the kids are getting the urine and feces in the right places.

 

I learned to potty train in Russia, where pampers were scarce and peeing on command by babies was normal.  Ds could potty on command.  He just couldn't run it himself.  He has an ASD diagnosis.  But sure, if you wanna talk other cultures and how to do that, we did it.  He just couldn't transfer that over and run it himself.

[barnwife]

I learned to potty train in Russia, where pampers were scarce and peeing on command by babies was normal.  Ds could potty on command.  He just couldn't run it himself.  He has an ASD diagnosis.  But sure, if you wanna talk other cultures and how to do that, we did it.  He just couldn't transfer that over and run it himself.

Eh...as I said, all 3 of ours have day trained by 2ish. In the OPs situation, getting the child to use the proper place even if an adult has to remind the child would be an improvement. And I think once that comes, with a NT child with no physical issues, taking over that responsibility themselves wouldn't be far behind.

 

I still recommend the diaper free, pants free method for the OP.

[Terabith]

My youngest was 3.5. I had tried everything. She kept saying things like, "Mommy, I like m&m's a lot, but not enough to use the potty. It's my body. You can't make me."

 

I finally sent her to preschool twice a week. Between the small, flushable potty and the other kids, her teacher had her potty trained in a month.

[Lecka]

One of my kids is under-responsive to bodily sensations.

 

It took him longer to potty train and we needed help from a therapist. He also has autism.

 

Now at 7, he still does not know when he has gotten hot wearing a coat, and will not take q coat off on his own.

 

I have got numerous suggestions to try out in the Fall, to try to get him to take off a coat on his own (really, to realize he is feeling too hot).

 

When he was younger other signs were that he was unaware of temperatures (too hot and too cold) and this meant he almost got burned in a bath once, and other times would take off mittens or try to refuse a coat, and not feel cold.

 

Once he went out on snow in our front yard bare foot and didn't notice.

 

He also stored food in his mouth, or put a lot of food in his mouth before swallowing, and I was told that for him this was probably related to being under sensitive in some areas.

 

Then the flip side of being sensory under sensitive can be sensory seeking.

 

My son also had some sensory seeking behaviors.

 

I am just mentioning in case any of this rings a bell! I think there are so many things that can be going on.

 

I was told a hundred times that my son would be potty trained within a month of starting pre-school, and he was allowed to start not potty trained.

 

Bc of his birthday, he turned 3 in Nov. and then started pre-school the next school year.

 

That is when I found out it was not just me, I was not just coddling him too much or unwilling to hold him accountable.

 

Separately, I heard from a hundred parents that their kids potty trained when they were in a group situation with other kids, like a church program or pre-school. I heard a lot of kids will be motivated by their peers and wanting to be a big kid, who didn't care when it was just mom at home.

 

I also heard (this was not the case with me) that kids with younger siblings could do better when they were around kids their age or older, not just the little sibling who was also not potty trained.

Edited July 8, 2016 by Lecka

[Heathermomster]

Check him for the spinal galant retained prim reflex.  Seriously...If it is retained, he will struggle to gain control and anytime the reflex is triggered, he could go involuntarily.

Edited July 8, 2016 by Heathermomster

[Lecka]

A boy we are acquainted with had a physical cause for peeing, too, but I don't think it was that.

 

He had a minor operation and then never had another pee accident.

 

His mom said she felt horrible for thinking it was intentional or just laziness.

 

So I do think it is worth checking for physical causes, too!

[snickerplum]

We went the route that focused on keeping the undies clean and dry. We started on a weekend and planned to do nothing but focus on the training (1 parent focuses on the potty trainee, the other on other children). I set the timer for 15 minutes and we ran to the toilet when it went off. Sit on the toilet. Undies clean and dry? 2 treats (jelly bean/chocolate chip/skittle). Pee while you sit? Extra treat. Number 2? Extra treat. But even if they didn't go, they get something for clean undies. If they have to go before the timer, get a treat.

Keep the salty snacks and beverage of choice coming. Let them watch tv or a movie, something to keep busy, but not so engrossed that they miss signals. Keep off carpet if you can.

I used Hanna Anderson training pants. They fit well and absorbed well.

I loathed potty training. We did two girls at once. Don't do that. It's not fun.

I agree that if a child isn't ready you can't make them do it. One of ours did it successfully in one weekend. The others took longer, but not much. Not bragging, just saying they'll go at their own pace despite our best wishes and efforts.

Edited July 8, 2016 by snickerplum

[caedmyn]

I don't believe it's anything developmental. All my kids have done this, even the one I did infant pottying with, he's just the worst of the bunch. The others I potty trained right at 2 and they had daily accidents for a year. With him I believed all the stories about "if you just wait til they're 3 it's so easy!". NOT. It's just me. I suck at potty training. I think I am not consistent enough and they get the idea that it's not that big of a deal and it's about impossible to get that idea out of their heads.

 

I could care less if he wears pullups/a diaper at naptime and bedtime. My 5.5 yo still needs a pullup at bedtime.

 

I can try a timer. I've tried one before but maybe if I give him the idea that he can take himself when it goes off..acccompanied by a suitable reward/bribe if he does...

 

He has to wear bottoms. He will play with himself the entire time if he doesn't. I don't know what it is with little boys and obsession with boy parts. I can try underwear inside pullups...worth a shot anyway.

 

He has voluntarily peed outside with mo prompting quite a few times, so I know it's not an issue of readiness of not knowing when he has to go. He has even pooped outside a couple times, egged on by an older brother most likely. Sigh.

[caedmyn]

I checked for the spinal galant thing...he's supposed to not move when I do it, right? Didn't seem to bother him.

[Junie]

One other thing that helped dd5:  I told her months ago what she would get as a prize* for going potty.  She wasn't interested then, but a few weeks ago she told me she was ready.  Maybe that would help with your son?

 

When my kids spent two weeks with my parents one summer, my mom potty-trained one of my daughters by giving her a quarter every time she went potty.  At the end of two weeks she was potty trained and my mom took her to the store to buy something with the money she had earned.

 

*Dd5 actually earns a pretty good prize.  Every time she does a bowel movement in the potty, she earns a My Little Pony.  We have several dozen of them that had been put in a box in the basement when her older sisters didn't want them anymore.  I'm using them as a free way to give her a nice reward.  I figure that she'll be completely potty trained in a couple of weeks when I run out of ponies.

 

 

[eternalsummer]

He has to wear bottoms. He will play with himself the entire time if he doesn't. I don't know what it is with little boys and obsession with boy parts. I can try underwear inside pullups...worth a shot anyway.

 

 

 

He doesn't have to wear bottoms.  He can play with himself all the time for a week; it will not hurt anyone, including him.  It is developmentally completely normal.  It is your hangup, not his :)

[freesia]

We went the route that focused on keeping the undies clean and dry. We started on a weekend and planned to do nothing but focus on the training (1 parent focuses on the potty trainee, the other on other children). I set the timer for 15 minutes and we ran to the toilet when it went off. Sit on the toilet. Undies clean and dry? 2 treats (jelly bean/chocolate chip/skittle). Pee while you sit? Extra treat. Number 2? Extra treat. But even if they didn't go, they get something for clean undies. If they have to go before the timer, get a treat.

Keep the salty snacks and beverage of choice coming. Let them watch tv or a movie, something to keep busy, but not so engrossed that they miss signals. Keep off carpet if you can.

I used Hanna Anderson training pants. They fit well and absorbed well.

I loathed potty training. We did two girls at once. Don't do that. It's not fun.

I agree that if a child isn't ready you can't make them do it. One of ours did it successfully in one weekend. The others took longer, but not much. Not bragging, just saying they'll go at their own pace despite our best wishes and efforts.

Yes, this! Declare boot camp. Stay home. Reward dry pants--really, it's the goal! Rewarding with salty snacks so he's thirsty and wants juice. Set the timer for an hour in case the child doesn't initiate. Watch TV. Stay in the room with them. It is boring as all get out, but works for the majority of kids.

 

Oh, and if you do this then you can use the cotton underpants, b/c you can control where they sit for the TV marathon. If need be, put a vinyl tablecloth on the floor.

 

And, if that doesn't work, I would take a 3.5 year old to the doctor to check that everything is okay.

[PeterPan]

Check him for the spinal galant retained prim reflex.  Seriously...If it is retained, he will struggle to gain control and anytime the reflex is triggered, he could go involuntarily.

 

I *think* they wait on retained reflexes till 5-ish.  I think I read that in a book.  But just in general, yes to the reflexes as a cause.

[Pronghorn]

I used to set the timer for forty-five minutes. When it rang, the kid had to sit on the potty, and I reset the timer. Then I gradually increased the time.

[wintermom]

I would recommend talking with your doctor, and possibly seeing a specialist. There could be chronic constipation issues making it difficult for the child to go regularly, and/or he may not feel the sensation to go to the bathroom. My youngest has this problem and it took years and years to finally seek medical assistance because it seemed manageable and it seemed behavioural, rather than a physical dysfunction. After potty training 3 children successfully dh and I thought we knew what we were doing. Nope. I think we'd have to go through a few thousand children in order to be an expert on all the variations. Why not save some time and go to the people who have actually seen thousands of children?

[zoobie]

Even if the boot camp works, if you're having a baby soon, be prepared for him to revert then. My best friend's daughter didn't train until right before preschool started. She really wanted to go to preschool or who knows when it would've happened. She has always been a very inflexible child and prone to anxiety. Anything relating to her bodily autonomy is a huge struggle for them (food, medicine, sleep). Soooo...it really depends on your kid's temperament. Some kids, boot camp would work. Some, you'll wind up with increased anxiety and constipation like you can't imagine.

[SemiSweet]

Even if the boot camp works, if you're having a baby soon, be prepared for him to revert then. My best friend's daughter didn't train until right before preschool started. She really wanted to go to preschool or who knows when it would've happened. She has always been a very inflexible child and prone to anxiety. Anything relating to her bodily autonomy is a huge struggle for them (food, medicine, sleep). Soooo...it really depends on your kid's temperament. Some kids, boot camp would work. Some, you'll wind up with increased anxiety and constipation like you can't imagine.

Reverting is definitely a possibility. My dd was fully trained day and night at about 2, we had some major life upheavals at 4 and she nearly reverted completely, then quickly re-trained for day, but continued wetting at night until she was like 9, we tried everything, including doctors and ruling out other issues. It was rough.

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

One of mine sons was well over 3 before finishing potty training. I talked with the doctor about it and he told me that if he was still not trained on his 4th birthday then we would look into it medically.  the doctor said that the range of potty training is about 20 months to 4 years... and most are 2.

 

Now that reminds me of learning to read. The range of learning to read is about 3 to 10, and most are 6 or 7.

 

I told my son.. no more diapers or pull ups. I cleaned up a few mesess for sure.  One night wearing regular underwear he messed the bed and woke with poop everywhere.  It was stinking, let me tell you!!  My son was completely grossed out!  We clean him and the mess.  He NEVER had an accident after that.

 

Sorry.... hugs to you.... I remember how I felt!

[PeterPan]

It's No Accident: Breakthrough Solutions To Your Child's Wetting, Constipation, Utis, And Other Potty Problems

 

Here's a book we've discussed on the boards in the past.  The author is a doc and hits some of the things mentioned here (constipation, etc.).

[SparklyUnicorn]

One of mine trained late.  Eventually he did.  Of course I stressed about it, but it happened.  I tried some stuff suggested here, but I can't say there was one magical thing that did it.  He learned to read before he learned to use the toilet on his own.  There was nothing physically wrong either.

 

One thing I think is the least helpful product of all time are pullups.  They are too much like diapers in that by that point they are used to knowing they can poop and pee in diapers, but not enough like diapers in that they don't absorb very much.  I think it was better to have him go naked when possible (depends on the time of year) or in underwear even if that means lots of accidents.  I really do think that it was somewhat a battle of wills at that point.  I tried to act like it didn't matter too much to me. 

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

 

 

One thing I think is the least helpful product of all time are pullups.  They are too much like diapers in that by that point they are used to knowing they can poop and pee in diapers, but not enough like diapers in that they don't absorb very much.

 

AMEN! And they're so expensive! 

 

When I HAD to be out of the house with an in-training toddler, I just used a diaper. Who wants to clean pee out of the car seat?

 

I HATE POTTY TRAINING!

 

I am SO glad that I never have to train another toddler

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

AMEN! And they're so expensive! 

 

When I HAD to be out of the house with an in-training toddler, I just used a diaper. Who wants to clean pee out of the car seat?

 

I HATE POTTY TRAINING!

 

I am SO glad that I never have to train another toddler

 

 

I hated potty training.  It's so vague.  And I remember being in this very position of asking for advice and being told all sorts of things like maybe my kid has medical problems, anal retentive problems...blah blah blah.  There were no "problems".  It happened when it happened.  Now sure if he was 6 and still could not use the potty I would absolutely be wondering about that.  But 3.5...not so much.  And being very honest with myself about that, I know I just was not consistent and I started working on it late because it was more convenient for me to use diapers.  I really felt the need to get through that when pregnant with my second though because the thought of having to buy diapers for two kids was scary!

 

 

[Lecka]

I was laid-back with my kids until they were approaching 3. Then I wanted it done.

Edited July 8, 2016 by Lecka

[Eagle]

We had a little family party for when our youngest turned 3 1/2. We made a few favourite foods, let him feel like it was a special day, and told him he was a big kid now. What did he think he got to do now that he was a big kid? He wanted to help unload EVERYTHING in the dishwasher, including the veg peeler and glasses (things he wasn't allowed to do at the time). We said "sure, you are now a big boy!" There were a couple of other things he thought he should get to do when he was big (I don't remember what they were -- they were not very exciting to us, but obviously a big deal to him). We agreed he could do those things because he was big. "Oh, now that you are a big kid you get to use the potty too. Let's go do that." We had one day of lots of accidents (and he wanted to go straight to underwear because he was a big kid), only one accident the next day, then we were done.

 

In our case we knew he was ready and it was a control issue. He would even tell us every time he was about to go in his diaper but didn't want to even try sitting on the potty. Once we got him on it with this "big kid party" plan, we rewarded with lots of chocolate.

[kiwik]

Based on my huge experience of 2 kids I would get medical check ups first. My eldest had encropresis that wasn't picked up until 4.5 and only now at 9 do I not always carry spare clothes. He has just stopped wearing a pull up to bed and is dry about half the time (he had a wet bed most days with a pull up by this year). My youngest trained easily at 2.5 (would have been earlier if I hadn't been dealing with the other) was night trained on his third birthday and has never wet the bed.

 

It looks like they don't want too but it often is they can't. In NZ you wouldn't get help/concern until 4 but it is worth asking.

[caedmyn]

We went the route that focused on keeping the undies clean and dry. We started on a weekend and planned to do nothing but focus on the training (1 parent focuses on the potty trainee, the other on other children). I set the timer for 15 minutes and we ran to the toilet when it went off. Sit on the toilet. Undies clean and dry? 2 treats (jelly bean/chocolate chip/skittle). Pee while you sit? Extra treat. Number 2? Extra treat. But even if they didn't go, they get something for clean undies. If they have to go before the timer, get a treat.

Keep the salty snacks and beverage of choice coming. Let them watch tv or a movie, something to keep busy, but not so engrossed that they miss signals. Keep off carpet if you can.

 

 

We're trying this.  But if this works, how do you transition to getting them to figure out when they need to go and take themselves?  I know he's capable of it...he has no problem holding it and telling me if he needs to go if we go to a restaurant or at church.  But the rest of the time, forget it.

[SKL]

Personally if a kid isn't ready to decide when he needs to go to the toilet, I will handle that part of it until he is ready.  I would rather remind a kid to go 30 times a day than change diapers or clean pee/poo.  I'm not a "do you want to use the potty" type of mom.  :P

[fairfarmhand]

We're trying this.  But if this works, how do you transition to getting them to figure out when they need to go and take themselves?  I know he's capable of it...he has no problem holding it and telling me if he needs to go if we go to a restaurant or at church.  But the rest of the time, forget it.

 

Some kids take forever to get to that place. So it's 30 reminders a day for a very long time.]

]

My dd would do the pot trot (holding her pee) because she was so engrossed in whatever she was doing that she didn't want to stop until she was probably 8 or so. I didn't have to remind her, but she ALWAYS waited until it was completly urgent because she hated to take the break to go to the bathroom.

 

[caedmyn]

Any suggestions for getting him to poop in the potty?  He'll mostly stay dry if I remind him every 30 minutes all day long.  Still won't take himself, and virtually never poops in the potty.  He CAN, but he'll only do it if I happen to catch him at the right time, and the every-30-minutes isn't catching him at the right time.  I am beyond tired of changing 3-4 poopy diapers/training pants a day.

[gardenmom5]

dudeling has sensory issues - so he really didn't notice.

I put him in thin underpants.  summer is a good time  to be in the backyard - with nothing but thin underpants and a t-shirt.  after that, he noticed.

[luuknam]

Any suggestions for getting him to poop in the potty?  He'll mostly stay dry if I remind him every 30 minutes all day long.  Still won't take himself, and virtually never poops in the potty.  He CAN, but he'll only do it if I happen to catch him at the right time, and the every-30-minutes isn't catching him at the right time.  I am beyond tired of changing 3-4 poopy diapers/training pants a day.

 

Talk to a doctor - 3-4 poopy diapers every day seems a bit much (not *necessarily* outside the normal range, but often enough I'd want to ask the pediatrician).

 

My oldest is autistic and was 4 years 4 months when he was trained. It was such a pain that I waited with my youngest, but at almost 3 years and a couple of months (don't remember the *exact* age) I had had enough. I ended up bribing him. A lot. He got a big Jake & Neverland Pirates Duplo set for his first poopy on the potty, and then a smaller one for his second time, and a smaller one for his third time, and then some minor bribes after that. For him, the first time was just hard. I also got him one of these:

 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B015RYAXCS/ref=olp_product_details?_encoding=UTF8&me=

[kiwik]

3 to 4 times a day sounds like constpation to me - the bowel is blocked and the fresh faecal matter leaks around the older, harder matter. Get it checked. If it is constpation heading to encopresis you will be glad you checked rather than waiting.

[Catalytic]

One of my sons flat-out had zero interest in potty...at all.  I *think* he may have hit his "window" during a month long trip with a LOT of cross-country travel, and we did try our best then, but there was absolutely no way to be consistent and I wasn't prepared with travel potties and whatnot.  He never again showed interest, and could read months before he was potty trained.  (I pronounced him trained a week after he turned 5.)

 

My youngest was 3.5. I had tried everything. She kept saying things like, "Mommy, I like m&m's a lot, but not enough to use the potty. It's my body. You can't make me."

I finally sent her to preschool twice a week. Between the small, flushable potty and the other kids, her teacher had her potty trained in a month.

 

 

^^^^This is how DS finally trained...one week of pre-K and that was that, he used the potty.  Maybe had 3 accidents after he was trained..maybe.

[caedmyn]

Talk to a doctor - 3-4 poopy diapers every day seems a bit much (not *necessarily* outside the normal range, but often enough I'd want to ask the pediatrician).

 

My oldest is autistic and was 4 years 4 months when he was trained. It was such a pain that I waited with my youngest, but at almost 3 years and a couple of months (don't remember the *exact* age) I had had enough. I ended up bribing him. A lot. He got a big Jake & Neverland Pirates Duplo set for his first poopy on the potty, and then a smaller one for his second time, and a smaller one for his third time, and then some minor bribes after that. For him, the first time was just hard. I also got him one of these:

 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B015RYAXCS/ref=olp_product_details?_encoding=UTF8&me=

 

All of my kids have pooped this much at this age, and none have had any problems with constipation.  It tapers off as they get older.  It's actually supposed to be ideal to poop 3x a day/after each meal....though I can't say I would complain if they only pooped a "less healthy" once a day, because it's a pain to deal with that much poop.

 

We're trying bribery again...the chocolate chips I've been giving him for dry pants haven't motivated him at all for poops, so I thought I'd offer him gumballs instead.  He loves gumballs and I generally don't give him gum because he often swallows it.  Thus far today he's been HIGHLY motivated to poop on the potty.  Since I got the gumballs this morning he's pooped in the potty 3x, no accidents.  Hopefully it continues!

[bettyandbob]

My youngest has intellectual disabilities and was trained a few months before his fifth birthday. I tried several things that had worked with his older siblings without success. So, we tried a protocol set up by an ABA therapist. The approach meant we were almost tied to a bathroom for a couple of weeks. Literally.  It was hard to be trapped in or extremely close to the bathroom that long. However, ds went to public school K that fall without diapers. He was included in a regular classroom, so I wanted to be sure he was toilet trained and not wearing diapers around typical kids. 

[mamakelly]

We used the same method snickerplum laid out. It works very well. Honestly at 3.5, you just need to do it. No fuss, just block out a week and focus only on potty training.

[theelfqueen]

I'm going to chime in with the unpopular answer that got my youngest over the hurdle...

 

BRIBERY

 

and we're not talking M&Ms.

 

Sure, he got an M&M for peeing -- but we eventually had a chart for pooping... every time he pooped he got a sticker -- and every 5th time he got a prize... and they were escalating prizes... At 5 was something or other... at ten it was like a Thomas Train. Stuff he WANTED. BAD. The big one was SANTA CLAUS. We have a local kiddie theme park with a Christmas theme and this kid was OBSESSED With Santa Claus - he slept with a sleigh... he set up chairs as reindeer to pull his block wagon, in which he sat and pretended to be Santa. By the time he got to twenty, or whatever it was, stickers -- it was habit and we had told him that then he'd be Big. And get to see Santa.