Starting things but not finishing them

[chocolate-chip chooky]

This causes me on and off angst.

 

My daughter (10) throws herself 100% into things, in an all-consuming and almost obsessional manner, but rarely sees them to completion.

It's like she gets out of it what is enough for her and then it's over.

 

I don't know if this is a maturity thing.

I don't know if this is an AL thing.

I don't know if I'm breeding a culture of not seeing things through.

I don't know if it matters... :crying:

 

Some examples, to set the context:

She started the programming on Khan Academy and was doing it day and night for a couple of days. Now, nothing.

She started to learn Italian on Duo Lingo and worked hours per day for a week or so. Now, nothing.

She started Great Expectations but seems to be losing interest after about 10-15 chapters.

She started to crochet a blanket. It ended up as a scarf.

She has a 1000 piece puzzle out on the floor with about 950 done and 50 lying around for the past month or so.

 

I'm not sure when to push, when to insist on reaching a finish line.

 

It's like she thrives on the initial challenge of something new and then it loses all its appeal.

 

But here's the question: Do other people's finish line mean anything to our type of learners?

Obviously, at some point they will (eg later studies at uni, meeting expectations in a workplace) but what about at age 10?

 

Any thoughts or experiences??

 

 

PS This isn't the case with everything, just lots of things.

When our cat went into renal failure recently, she worked through all of Crash Course and Khan related to renal studies, including the quizzes, in an intense manner over a day and then told Dad about it in great detail over dinner.

[wintermom]

Sounds completely normal to me, probably because I'm similar and so is my dh. ;)  These examples you've given all seem like projects that are either fairly open ended with no clear goal, low importance (in relation to other things), or she just lost interest. With the cat thing, it looked like she completed her task for her purposes. 

 

Not every single project needs to be completed to perfection, in my mind. There just isn't enough time, and the task may get kind of boring once the initial excitement is over. I can't count how many times I've tried to knit something fun, only to find I really just do not enjoy knitting. I prefer doing other things. 

 

As long as the important projects, courses and tasks get completed to an appropriate standard, then I see nothing abnormal here. Just look at the number of people who pay for gym memberships and stop going, or make new years resolutions only to lose interest, enthusiasm and motivation. 

[regentrude]

Sounds very normal. I think it is good to try out different things and explore, especially in childhood! Some things she may end up abandoning along the way, to some she may come back, some will stick. I would insist that she finish the important things, like her school work. Whatever she chooses to explore in her free time should be up to her.

 

And honestly, I do the same: fizzle out learning a foreign language after only one year, abandon a book that no longer holds my interest, take dance classes only for one summer, learn to crochet and crochet a lot for a year and then stop.

Does any adult really see through everything they start? That hardly seems possible; it would work only for people who limit trying out new experiences, because there is only so much time in the day.

So, I am quite content to have explored dancing, Italian, crocheting and Mrs Dalloway, and I feel richer for it and prefer it to not having had those experiences because I was still not finished perfecting my French.

And  it does not keep me from being a perfectionist at work and finishing every project on time with results that satisfy my high standards.

Edited July 4, 2016 by regentrude

[TerriM]

This causes me on and off angst.

 

My daughter (10) throws herself 100% into things, in an all-consuming and almost obsessional manner, but rarely sees them to completion.

It's like she gets out of it what is enough for her and then it's over.

 

This sounds like me.  Lots of plans, no finishing.

 

I am *still* that way, and it is very discouraging and demoralizing.  I feel bad about the projects I've left undone over the years as well.  For me now, it's more a lack of time with kids, but I've bought a lot of stuff to do around the house and never done it.  It creates unnecessary clutter and is money wasted.  Prevents me from feeling like I can handle going back to work now--ie, take on a new project because of all the loose ends.

 

I don't think she has to finish everything--10 to 15 chapters in a course and then losing interest--maybe the course isn't that good.   And I get that crocheting can take a long time and be boring, and honestly, doing the scarf was more useful anyways--I would let that stay a scarf but encourage her to put the strings on the end to really finish it as a scarf.  But I would definitely encourage her to complete tasks.  The puzzle sounds like a no-brainer.

 

In the long run, when you get a job, the hardest and longest part is the last 10% where you have to make sure that all the details have been worked out.  She's got to learn to push through on that 10%.  I've heard people say "life is boring, deal with it"--generally it's used as an excuse to let a kid be bored at school--but in this situation, I think it applies. 

 

PS:  To be clear, there are times when abandoning something is the right thing to do.  That is generally a decision you make when doing product development.  There are times that you should abandon the product because it will never be profitable.  But I don't think that is something she needs to worry about here.  But you may come across a project that will never actually work, and it's ok to admit that and stop.

Edited July 4, 2016 by tiuzzol2

[RenaInTexas]

I would say no worries. It doesn't should like she is quitting; it sounds like she is just done with that project...she got out of it what she was after.

 

I am a person who has always been and still is that way. I can't speak for her, but for me, it is the challenge that I am after. Once I see that I can do it; the 'challenge' loses its appeal and I move on to the next one. I am more interested in the challenge than the outcome. For me, the project is done once the challenge it presented is over. For others a project isn't done until you have reached some visible result.

 

Career-wise, there are careers that would allow her to do the problem solving and someone else to come in and implement her solution. If she is like me, once she solves the problem, shes not interested in implementing the solution; that is when you hand it off to the project managers, technicians, etc... It's a blessing and a curse. Employers love us bc we are the ones that will focus on complex problems until we get a solution. So I get all the interesting problems. The curse is that we get disinterested / bored often. I have an itch to change jobs every 3 years because of this. Some people may see that as a problem, but I've worked in medical research, aerospace engineering, as a college professor, and in energy (my main field). I have published papers in 3 of those fields. So, careers that work would be in research, investigating, science, a professor, etc... Even engineering - some do the base research work and then hand it off to another group that builds the prototypes and they hand it off to a group that does the field testing, and so on until you have a manufactured product. No one - except the project manager - stays with it through the entire process.

 

I said all of this to show that you shouldn't view it as an issue. So, as long as she isn't quitting, I think it's fine. There is a difference between quitting and being done. So, no, your finish line isn't the same as hers. I would be concerned if she stops seeking challenges or if she were quitting bc 'I can't do it', 'its too hard', 'I rather play video games', or if she quit after 3 chapters of the book or 200 pieces of the puzzle. Another area of concern would be if the only reasons she were starting these challenges were because a friend is doing it, or a friend knows how to do that, keeping up with so-and-so, etc...

 

My mom didn't understand me either, but she accepted me. But if I joined a team, she made me stay the whole season. I could stop doing a 'project', but I couldn't quit on a team. 

 

BTW, my crochet blanket never even made it to a scarf. I made about 20 squares and never crocheted again. I should have made it into a scarf...that was actually a good save.

[Tracy]

I don't know if this is a maturity thing.

I don't know if this is an AL thing.

I don't know if I'm breeding a culture of not seeing things through.

I don't know if it matters... :crying:

I think it can be a little of all of these.  I think it is particularly a combination of age and giftedness.  Gifted children can imagine big projects but neglect to take into account their still-growing executive skills.  My dd11 starts new projects all the time, and I know that they are too big for her to complete.  I have just let her plan away and figure out for herself what her abilities are.  And honestly, my husband is this way.  He still struggles with executive skills.  He tells me he was like dd11 as a child.  While he still tends to start projects and not finish them, he does finish them when it really counts.  As a teacher, he succeeds in teaching a whole curriculum every year, and he has successfully put on dozens of plays and musicals as a Drama Director and completed many projects with his Science Club.

 

IMO, it is my job to support my dd11 with all of her projects.  Mostly, that means that I keep my distance.  I might occasionally ask leading questions, such as, "So what are you going to do about such and such?" or "Have you considered this?" But those projects are her time for learning in her own way.  

 

Meanwhile, projects occasionally crop up in school or in outside activities that I step in and help her with, mostly with goal-setting and scheduling.  Last year, she was in a play and had a substantial part for which she had a lot of lines to memorize, so we put that on her daily schedule.  Even though she was the youngest, she ended up being the go-to person when they needed to find something in the script.  She also wanted to do Battle of the Books.  So for a time, we put that on her schedule.  And this year, she is so excited about it that she is ahead of everyone.  She even has sample questions written out.  

 

So, yes, she is still young, and this is normal for her age.  

 

Yes, she is gifted, and this is normal for her intellect.

 

Yes, there are things we can do to help, but mostly it doesn't matter as much as we feel like it does.

[summerreading]

This sounds so much like me. I agree above that it might just be the challenge she is after and once she sees she can master something, then 90% done is good enough or she is creative and needs the stimulation of something new to keep her going.

For my own experience, I would only think it's an issue if she seems distressed about not finishing things (or if it's school work). Then you might want to step in and say let's figure out what you can do every day to work towards finishing this.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies.

I really do appreciate it.

 

I think the key here was summed up by Rena above saying: There is a difference between quitting and being done.

I really don't think she actually quits things. She's just done. Her 'product' may not be someone else's product. Her product may be the satisfaction of the challenge.

 

I'm quite a different thinker and personality to my daughter. I like lists, plans, crossing things off lists, no procrastination etc. And my daughter runs rings around me intellect wise. It's a real challenge for me.

 

But, thinking about it more, my husband is much more like her and like those of you who responded. He changes jobs every 2-3 years because he needs a new challenge. He starts projects but doesn't finish them and often will do things purely for the intellectual challenge and not for a tangible product.

 

The other thing that rolls around in my head is that my daughter is a perfectionist and I'm sure this all relates somehow.

The crochet I mentioned - it may not be finished, but it looks INCREDIBLE. It could be machine-done. She's clearly mastered crochet (many different stitches), just not that particular project.

 

For now, I've been letting her start and stop things and just trusting her innate drive. I encourage but I don't insist.

She seems to want to taste-test all sorts of things, which is wonderful. Her multipotentiality is amazing to witness and nurture, but I often feel out of my depth.

 

I really appreciate all the input and advice. Many thanks!

 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

This sounds so much like me. I agree above that it might just be the challenge she is after and once she sees she can master something, then 90% done is good enough or she is creative and needs the stimulation of something new to keep her going.

For my own experience, I would only think it's an issue if she seems distressed about not finishing things (or if it's school work). Then you might want to step in and say let's figure out what you can do every day to work towards finishing this.

 

She does sometimes get distressed about not finishing things.  I find this tricky to manage and respond to.

I try to gauge what her goal is (trying something, mastering something or finishing something) and then help her however possible.

 

 

She often comments at the end of each day that there just aren't enough hours  to do all the things she wants to do.

 

PS Last night she told me she wants to start sewing her own clothes. She's already very competent with a sewing machine, but we'll see how we go with a pattern. Maybe she'll design her own. We'll see.

[Arcadia]

I try to gauge what her goal is (trying something, mastering something or finishing something) and then help her however possible.

My guess is that she wants to try things to see if she likes it, master something that she thinks she likes and consider it done before you do. As for finishing something, sometimes a task/challenge/project is done emotionally but not done mentally.

Kind of like when people say "I'm done with it" but the "it" is not technically completed.

 

My DS10 would actually say "I'm done for now." which is accurate for him. He goes back to his stalled projects months or even a year later.

[bakpak]

I almost didn't read this post, because it is me 100% and it bothers me that this is as challenging as it is for me. I've finally come to recognize that it's just my personality and I work best in a team where other folks can pick up the project and bring it to a close, or even bring a good idea to action if that's what's needed. I'm SOOO much better at the initial brainstorming and middle stages of projects, that's where my true skills lie. Those are the skills that help me start cool new initiatives, how I promote and pull lots of other people into a more powerful and effective collective, how I stay optimistic and endlessly interested in learning new things.  But finishing projects....oof.  Can I finish projects? Yes. Is it extremely difficult? Sometimes. Do I often need outside deadlines/encouragement/help? Yes. I am interested in seeing things to completion, or maybe I just want other people's approval, but my perfectionism and drive for novelty get in the way. There's always 10 more rabbit trails I could follow (and have MUCH more fun following) instead of wrapping up what I now consider a middle stage instead of moving on to the more exciting next stage. There's nothing wrong with these traits - they are extremely potent and important in their own right, so I'm learning to own them, and own up to my limitations.

 

However, sometimes you HAVE to finish things by yourself, and you need to learn the skills to make that happen, even if it takes you longer than other folks as you repeatedly drag your heels. Do you need checklists and timelines? Do you need to make the right contacts who can help bridge the gap? Do you need to ask someone to help hold you accountable? Do you first need to know it's potentially an issue that can bite you later?

 

And yes, I get stressed about all the projects that I haven't completed. And sometimes that stress galvanizes me to finish. Often it immobilizes me with it vastness. But in the end I am a productive member of society, I did well in school and I'm doing well in the work force. I am confident, well-liked and have lots of friends. I am disappointed that I'm not so skilled at finishing tasks, but I'm learning to take on fewer tasks so I'm more likely to complete some of them in a timely manner. I'm sure I'll still be working on this life lesson when I'm 80 :)

 

So my words of advice are to help her recognize it, learn to figure out what is important to finish (not everything is), strategies for getting over the hump and bringing to the finish line, and how to stop herself from starting a brand new project that she doesn't really have the time/energy/money/capacity to really tackle right now.

Edited July 5, 2016 by bakpak

[Runningmom80]

I'm the same way, I could have written bakpak's post. My 9.5 year old DS is the same way too. I only get frustrated when I've sunk a lot of money into something and he moves on after a week. However I recognize he's a kid, and he's still figuring out who he is and what he likes. I try to look at it as him using the opportunity he has as a child to hop around and try a lot of things. It also helps to remind myself to value process over product. Plus as I mentioned, I really have little room to talk.

 

Beginnings are exciting. :)

[TerriM]

She does sometimes get distressed about not finishing things.  I find this tricky to manage and respond to.

I try to gauge what her goal is (trying something, mastering something or finishing something) and then help her however possible.

 

 

Organizing tasks and task completion are simply not things I'm good at.  If she is distressed about not finishing and you can figure out how to help her finish to the end of projects now, I think it'll be helpful to her in the long run.  

 

I'm not sure the solution (I certainly don't have it solved), but I think it's a problem that you're right to be concerned about.   What comes to mind are:

 

1.  Self-limit to 5 projects at a time.  Either finish a project or cancel it to start a new one.  

2.  List the next couple of tasks to complete a project.  Now, does she want to complete it or not? If so, put the tasks on a schedule.   If not, why not? (Is it too hard, too boring, too expensive, does she needs you to help with?)

3.  If perfectionism is the issue, remind her that a project is also about the process, not just the end-product.  If she doesn't like how it turned out this time, she can try again.  But either way, she's *learned* something that will make every other project better, and that's a great thing.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Bakpak, thanks for joining the conversation and sharing your perspectives.

It really is interesting to have a whole lot of adults popping in and saying 'hey, this is me too'.

I'd be the person you'd pass the baton to. I don't have innate creativity and I'm not even slightly innovative, but I am good at getting things done, done well and on time. The world needs all kinds, right?

 

Runningmom80 - oh yes, I agree regarding the money. I find this tricky. I want my daughter to know that I believe in her ability to see things through, but I also don't want to be throwing money around left, right and centre, when her track record is a little hit and miss. As I mentioned above, she's just declared (with incredible passion and sincerity) that she wants to get back into sewing. This will mean a trip to the local Spotlight shop and buying fabric - not cheap. At least things like wool and fabric can sit in a cupboard until the interest strikes again some time. It's a fine line I feel I'm walking. We do end up with quite a collection of materials from unfinished projects - wool, material, felt, wood, pipes, rope, hinges etc.

 

 

 

tiuzzol2 - thank you for your input. It is really helpful.

One I thing I need to keep reminding myself, as you pointed out,  is that with each project, finished or not, she's developing skills and a broad range of them too. Crochet, sewing, cooking, building. She's completely competent and independent with a range of tools, including drills, glue gun, sewing machine, stove, iMovie etc. I need to keep sight of this.

 

Arcadia - "I'm done for now." That's a good perspective. She may well come back to some of her projects somewhere down the track. It's reassuring to know it's not just us.

 

Thanks everyone!

wintermom, regentrude, tracy, summerreading, RenainTexas - your input is much appreciated. Thanks for sharing your experiences and advice. It is really so helpful and reassuring.

Edited July 5, 2016 by chocolate-chip chooky

[EndOfOrdinary]

Does she have a "thing?" My kiddo has the whole climate change, empower kids with citizen action thing. Dmmetler's daughter is doing the snake, frog, reptile, I-don't-know-exactly-but-it-is-cool biology stuff. Quark and Ruth have Ds' super into math. Deerforest has a daughter who is crazy into all sorts of amazing arial circus arts stuff. They have a "thing."

 

For a while Ds was super into languages. Then he became engrossed in classical literature. Then it was wierd ancient languages the classical works were written in. Somewhere around 9, we let go of him and his environmentalism took off while the other stuff went to the side. He found a thing to fall into completely. (Who knows what might have happened if I had really embraced him learning Ancient Persian and cuneform.)

 

If she is sort of bouncing everywhere, she is still searching for what makes her brain light up. There is no way to know without just sort of jumping everywhere. Perhaps you might ask her when she is really into something what it is she loves. Keep a list. You might discover a pattern which can help you guide her.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Does she have a "thing?" My kiddo has the whole climate change, empower kids with citizen action thing. Dmmetler's daughter is doing the snake, frog, reptile, I-don't-know-exactly-but-it-is-cool biology stuff. Quark and Ruth have Ds' super into math. Deerforest has a daughter who is crazy into all sorts of amazing arial circus arts stuff. They have a "thing."

 

For a while Ds was super into languages. Then he became engrossed in classical literature. Then it was wierd ancient languages the classical works were written in. Somewhere around 9, we let go of him and his environmentalism took off while the other stuff went to the side. He found a thing to fall into completely. (Who knows what might have happened if I had really embraced him learning Ancient Persian and cuneform.)

 

If she is sort of bouncing everywhere, she is still searching for what makes her brain light up. There is no way to know without just sort of jumping everywhere. Perhaps you might ask her when she is really into something what it is she loves. Keep a list. You might discover a pattern which can help you guide her.

 

Hanging out on this board is both incredibly inspiring and also a bit overwhelming.

You mentioned exactly the people I often think about - yourself, Quark, dmmetler, Ruth in NZ, Deerforest. Also Donna and mathnerd. There are others too, whose children found their 'thing' very young and have hit the ground running.

 

No, my daughter doesn't have a 'thing' at this stage. This doesn't concern me. She's only 10 and while she's clearly accelerated, I've got no idea of her LOG and I doubt she's off the charts like a lot of your children.

 

If I ask my daughter what she'd like to do as an adult, she'll have multiple answers and sometimes she actively worries about how she'll fit them all in her life. Vet, mechanical engineer, physicist, neuroscientist.... most things point back to science in some field, but really she could head in any number of directions and be fine. She could be a poet. An author. A historian. It's that multipotentiality. Each time we delve into a new topic, she's obsessed, but nothing specific has completely stuck just yet. That's okay, there's time.

 

In the meantime I just want to make sure that I'm nurturing a good range of skills - including seeing things through. It's just which things to nudge along and which to leave be that I struggle with on and off.

 

While I don't want her to grow up too quickly (my older children are 22 and 19 - where did those years go??), I also can't wait to see where she ends up heading. The journey will be amazing, whatever direction it ends up taking.

[Kat w]

Normal for gifted learners.

My oldest is gifted ( now in college) .

I'll use the analogy like this, ya know when you live somewhere and can go see any site you want? Then, you move and you say man, I wish I woulda done this or seen that site? But never did cuz,...you could do it any ole time lol.

 

Same with this. They can do it, it's easy to them. They'll get around to it lol. They can do it any ole time. :)

My daughter was in the PS gifted program for a short but before we started homeschooling. Alot of the kids in her class did the same thing.

Now that she's an adult tho, ahe doesn't do it anymore. More is on the line and she knows it.

Take heart mama, it's not you...it's...ber lol. Jk. Really. It's normal .

Edited July 18, 2016 by Kat w

[pinewarbler]

If she is sort of bouncing everywhere, she is still searching for what makes her brain light up. There is no way to know without just sort of jumping everywhere. 

 

I love this, and it will be my motto now... no more worrying about my kid's unfinished projects. I have to remember that experimenting is the main goal in order to create a vision for the future.

 

So many projects get started here a week, but it does seem that they are getting a lot out of each project. And I have to remember that my kids can use a zillion tools, problem solve, and even know the vocab for many fields. If only I wasn't living in the tiniest house ever, I could have let this go a long time ago! Oh my kingdom for a garage...

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I love this, and it will be my motto now... no more worrying about my kid's unfinished projects. I have to remember that experimenting is the main goal in order to create a vision for the future.

 

So many projects get started here a week, but it does seem that they are getting a lot out of each project. And I have to remember that my kids can use a zillion tools, problem solve, and even know the vocab for many fields. If only I wasn't living in the tiniest house ever, I could have let this go a long time ago! Oh my kingdom for a garage...

 

Exactly! This is us.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Normal for gifted learners.

My oldest is gifted ( now in college) .

I'll use the analogy like this, ya know when you live somewhere and can go see any site you want? Then, you move and you say man, I wish I woulda done this or seen that site? But never did cuz,...you could do it any ole time lol.

 

Same with this. They can do it, it's easy to them. They'll get around to it lol. They can do it any ole time. :)

My daughter was in the PS gifted program for a short but before we started homeschooling. Alot of the kids in her class did the same thing.

Now that she's an adult tho, ahe doesn't do it anymore. More is on the line and she knows it.

Take heart mama, it's not you...it's...ber lol. Jk. Really. It's normal .

 

Thanks, Kat!

That's reassuring.

 

The bolded bit - yes, at some point more will be on the line. Hopefully everything will fall into place at that point   :o

[quark]

Hanging out on this board is both incredibly inspiring and also a bit overwhelming.

You mentioned exactly the people I often think about - yourself, Quark, dmmetler, Ruth in NZ, Deerforest. Also Donna and mathnerd. There are others too, whose children found their 'thing' very young and have hit the ground running.

 

No, my daughter doesn't have a 'thing' at this stage. This doesn't concern me. She's only 10 and while she's clearly accelerated, I've got no idea of her LOG and I doubt she's off the charts like a lot of your children.

 

If I ask my daughter what she'd like to do as an adult, she'll have multiple answers and sometimes she actively worries about how she'll fit them all in her life. Vet, mechanical engineer, physicist, neuroscientist.... most things point back to science in some field, but really she could head in any number of directions and be fine. She could be a poet. An author. A historian. It's that multipotentiality. Each time we delve into a new topic, she's obsessed, but nothing specific has completely stuck just yet. That's okay, there's time.

 

In the meantime I just want to make sure that I'm nurturing a good range of skills - including seeing things through. It's just which things to nudge along and which to leave be that I struggle with on and off.

 

:001_wub: Thank you for the kind words chocolate-chip chooky.

 

DS's "thing" started young but at the time I didn't know it was his thing. And I won't be surprised if he takes a different direction. But whatever happens, the math achievements will be his to treasure. He might actually have another thing, one he spends almost as much time on as he does with math. But I'll wait for it to develop on its own, very much like how his math thing has.

 

The math achievements are his, but I still made resources available. I don't feel right taking credit for his accomplishments but I also know he needed me, just like your DD needs you. And like how the DC of many parents here need their moms and dads. I did and still do what you say you are doing...nurturing a range of skills, making good books and materials available and not limiting him just because something has an age label on it. When he said he wanted to learn about solitary confinement in maximum security prison and its effects on the human psyche (he was about 9yo), I watched a documentary with him. It was a leap of faith (he has some level of anxiety) but I also wanted to trust him and to give more agency to his curiosity vs his fears. He spent some time researching it, gave a presentation to our local homeschool group and then a few weeks later, he was done. Along the way, I realized that while I was at heart a planner and yearned for a pure WTM path for him, he had his own ideas about learning. I have had to trust it will work out and I am sure your DD's path will work out too.

 

I can give you a laundry list of things DS hasn't completed. Among them are books not read, blogs not written, science kits not completed, piano pieces not learned, and sadly, origami projects not finsihed. I even started an origami thread here some time back when he was so excited about it. He let it go in favor of more reading. BUT he has come back to do some of these things later. Not in that state of flow he was when he first started, but at least with some interest and commitment (but he doesn't "finish" these either).

 

I try to remember that I was like that at his age. I still am. I have sketchbooks where I've started some projects with so much passion and not touched in years afterwards. I spent quite a bit of money to learn knitting and the needles are just sitting there now. But these projects have taught me that there are some things I do stick to (much fewer than the ones I start) and the ones I stick to, I am very proud of. I know I am good at them and am changing lives in some little way by doing them.

 

Take care!

 

Edited July 20, 2016 by quark

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Thanks Quark. I appreciate your input, as always.

 

Maybe our children are quite similar, or maybe our approaches are just quite similar, but I find myself nodding along to much of what you write across all the boards. I lap up your experience and wisdom and wish I could buy you a coffee and sit and pick your brain for a few hours. Might take a few coffees, I have much to muddle through.  :o

 

 

[Kat w]

Thanks, Kat!

That's reassuring.

 

The bolded bit - yes, at some point more will be on the line. Hopefully everything will fall into place at that point :o

I think it will. Kids like this do exactly as one if the other posters said, she is searching for her, niche if you will. Sampling alot if things. As she gets older that exploration will help her know what more her interests really are.

 

I believe she will do great and too know, more is in the line and pursue accordingly :)

[Kat w]

Oh, yes as unread post I remembered my DD did go back later , sometimes much later and finish some of the unfinished things.

 

Ironically as I think about it, it's the things she is interested and does today as an adult. Her job, some of the things unfinished that she went back and did , things pursued fir pleasure. So, probably can determine what she may land on as an adult based on what she chooses to go back and finish.

 

Even if she doesn't go back and finish I wouldn't be concerned . seems these guys minds just go go go.

[pinewarbler]

I had a fabulous response to this thread... I let it rattle around in my head for a couple of days, scoured the web for sources to back it up, wrote up a draft, edited it and then..

 

 

 

 

 

Edit...  this unfinished post was a bit of a joke ... just showing that I am also like this, which is why I think I'm super hard on my kids so that they won't learn my bad habits...

Edited July 23, 2016 by pinewarbler

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I had a fabulous response to this thread... I let it rattle around in my head for a couple of days, scoured the web for sources to back it up, wrote up a draft, edited it and then

 

.... the internet ate it??

 

If you find it, I'm all ears  :)

[Garga]

Pressed for time. Didn't read the other posts. I'm sorry if someone else has already said this:

 

This reminds me of a personality type I read about in a book about creating habits.

 

In the book, the author was talking about different types of people. She laid out all sorts of types of people so you could better know yourself and set yourself up for success in developing new good habits.

 

Two of the types of people were starters and finishers. Think: a tube of toothpaste. When do you feel that little fissure of happiness? When you open the brand new tube and it's all fresh and new? Or when you squeeze out the last bit and it's all used up?

 

I, Garga, enjoy a new tube, but I feel a better feeling when I complete the whole tube. I love the feeling of using something up. I am a finisher. I get a little jolt of joy when a project is complete.

 

But a lot of people are starters. That little burt of happiness comes when they start something new and shiny.

 

There is NOTHING WRONG with either type. They're just different. Finishers, like me, tend to stick to one thing and make it into something big. For example: I have one blog and I used to write on it every single day.

 

Starters like to start new projects all the time and if they don't get completed, that's ok. They are the sort to have 10 blogs all running at the same time, each about a different topic.

 

In case you worry, starters are the types to be ideas people and then delegate the rest of the work to the finishers. Both type can work hand in hand. Or they work for one job for a while, and then move on (like your DH, OP.).

 

I'd say she's normal.

 

And even though I'm a finisher, there have been countless times where I started something I thought would be a passion, but then I realize after a bit of time (a few days or so) that it's not really my thing. No use pursuing something that isn't a good fit for me. Better to cut my losses and let it go. Kids are especially like this. They are still discovering who they are and where their strengths are.

Edited July 22, 2016 by Garga

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Two of the types of people were starters and finishers. Think: a tube of toothpaste. When do you feel that little fissure of happiness? When you open the brand new tube and it's all fresh and new? Or when you squeeze out the last bit and it's all used up?

 

 

 

I like to squeeeeeeze every last dollop out of our toothpaste tube. Guess that speaks volumes about me  :001_rolleyes:

 

Everything you said makes so much sense. I really appreciate your input.

[mellifera33]

I'm sure that everyone else has better answers, but I think that I'm a cautionary tale about this type of habit. I was in a gifted program as a youngster, but in hindsight I was decently bright but not actually gifted. I was able to skate by through high school, and to some extent college, quit grad school, worked a series of dead-end, minimum wage jobs, and have tried to go back to school a couple of times for vocational programs, but never finished anything. Now I'm attempting to homeschool my kids, but it is not going well. I have no job skills. I wish that at some point I would have understood that I was developing a habit of laziness and that it could lead nowhere but bad places. At this point, with three young children, I don't know how to un-ruin my life. 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I'm sure that everyone else has better answers, but I think that I'm a cautionary tale about this type of habit. I was in a gifted program as a youngster, but in hindsight I was decently bright but not actually gifted. I was able to skate by through high school, and to some extent college, quit grad school, worked a series of dead-end, minimum wage jobs, and have tried to go back to school a couple of times for vocational programs, but never finished anything. Now I'm attempting to homeschool my kids, but it is not going well. I have no job skills. I wish that at some point I would have understood that I was developing a habit of laziness and that it could lead nowhere but bad places. At this point, with three young children, I don't know how to un-ruin my life. 

 

I really appreciate you offering your perspective.

It's really good for me to hear all sides of this personality type - like all things, there must be pros and cons, benefits and challenges.

 

I'm really sorry you're feeling so negative at this point in your life. 

 

Once again, thanks for joining the conversation. I value your input, ideas and experiences. Thanks so much for sharing. Take care.

[Arcadia]

I wish that at some point I would have understood that I was developing a habit of laziness and that it could lead nowhere but bad places.

:grouphug:

I cruised even through grad school and was the stereotypical underachiever. However I had burn outs as a student due to physical exhaustion. My doctor had to give me the highest safe dose of sedative so that I can shut down mentally and sleep.

 

I agree that if you were in school and never had to put in any effort academically, complacent laziness in academics does creep in.

 

However starting personal interest projects and not finishing them is part of life's trial and error process. Every family has their own house rules. For my kids, as long as they complete tasks they should complete (like practicing their musical instruments) to their best effort, they can have unfinished personal interest projects which they have to keep in their personal spaces. I need some parts of my home uncluttered so that is my rule.

 

Just as grit/resilience/follow through is important, knowing when to take a break or call it quit is important too.

[pinewarbler]

Had one of these moments on Friday picking DS up at nature/survival camp. He lives for this camp during the rest of the year, and it is very unlike school (a great prerequisite for summer camp!). They do tracking, raiding of other groups base camps, plant ID, and practical skills such as cordage making, shelter building, fire building w/o matches, map making. They also do plays and song writing.

 

Every year we get ecstatic counsellors who are so thrilled by DS’s knowledge of plants, animals, knot tying, etc and they are able to take on more difficult projects with the kids when he’s in the group. The leaders have it easy because he’s in his zone here… he encourages other kids to carve, tie, build, inspires new projects, uses a wild imagination in their plays and song writing. This year one counsellor saw me on the Monday and said “YES, I was hoping to get that kid in my group!†DS also insists on safety procedures being followed around water and fire… something any counsellor would love.

 

This year, on the last week DS got 3 different leaders from the week before. One is a public school teacher the rest of the year, which worried me. He still had a good week. However, the week before I had the same incredible feedback about him as other years…. except to add that DS has grown so much and has a new mature playfulness about him that was beautiful to see… he’s more laid back…(which I attribute to a lack of stress this year at school). 

 

But on the last day this week the school teacher tells me that the only thing he needs to work on is his tendency to do a “half-#$$ed†job on things rather than taking time and doing one thing perfectlyâ€. 

 

It doesn’t occur to her that his skills are there BECAUSE he does so many things, and he does do SOME of them perfectly. I do believe that this is how most public school teachers filter every kid, and a PG kid falls short in this, so gifted kids are not valued in many classes. In the past I would have been very upset about this comment :(

 

But this year, I’m reminded by you all that this is normal, I have a happy, playful kid who now pulls straight A’s…. I just pray he gets a teacher who values giftedness in September…

Edited August 3, 2016 by pinewarbler