Do you teach your children swear words so that they know what they mean?

[Caviar]

Would love to know if any of you purposefully teach your children undesirable words, so that when they do hear these words someday, they will know what they mean?

 

Update 6/15/2016  Thank you for all your responses!  I went ahead and started preemptively teaching my children some swear words.  They were, of course, allowed to ask questions the entire time.  After about 1/2 hour of discussing several words, they said to me, "Mom, that's enough, we don't want to hear anymore."  Why, one might ask did I decide to preemptively do this?  Because, I grew up quite sheltered (even in a public high school), and when I went to college I would pretend to know what people were talking about, but would then have to go back to my dorm room and look up the words in a dictionary (the internet hadn't really started yet!).  I don't want my children to be as naive as I was, and I don't want them to be so shocked that they never learned these things while at home.  They did tell me, during our talk, that they were glad that I was telling them these things because they felt comfortable talking about these things with me, instead of being embarrassed in front of a group of friends.  My dh and I do our best not to swear, and very rarely do, but there's the occasional sh__ or d__n that comes out, but that's the extent of it.  We certainly have taught our children not to take the name of the Lord our God in vain - this includes euphemisms such as "gee",  "golly", and "gosh."  Maybe my next question will be concerning how much do you tell your children about drugs?  My dear mother couldn't believe I knew what a bong was, and that was when I was 44 or 45 years old! (Actually, I couldn't believe SHE knew what it was!)
 

Edited June 16, 2016 by Caviar

[Tanaqui]

Hear them "someday"? I think by the time they were five they'd heard them all (and some in Spanish) just riding the bus with me! We've had some talks about context, though, like it's okay to say f*** if you drop a brick on your foot, but you probably should try to find another word if you happen to drop that brick on your foot in front of a toddler.

 

LOL, I remember when the older kiddo was 5, she informed me with some consternation that a classmate had told her it was rude to point with her middle finger. And she was very annoyed when I agreed with this classmate. "Why would it be rude?" So I explained that the middle finger is the longest, so crude people make an analogy to the body, so it's sort of like an allusion to sex, so it's kinda like a quiet way of saying the f word. Which has to do with sex. And she took this all in, and finally said "Wait, that means having sex? I thought it didn't mean anything, it was just something to say when you're mad!"

 

Of course, she's used to me giving long, etymological explanations of words whenever I can, and she was even then. Nothing was more likely to dampen her interest in that word than getting to hear another lecture on its history, its meaning, the fact that 150 years ago our serious curse words were all different from what they are today, a little digression into the fact that some of our serious words sound very silly to non-English speakers and vice versa, a little tangent on the fact that different cultures have different ideas of what gestures are and aren't obscene... well! I actually find this all very interesting. I don't think the girls think linguistics and related subjects are nearly as interesting as I do, but they pretend very well.

Edited June 11, 2016 by Tanaqui

[BooksandBoys]

Yes, absolutely.

Truthfully, my kids learn them simply because they occasionally come out of my mouth, but if they didn't, I would teach them. When I started attending public school (from homeschool) in 6th grade, I didn't know what any of the "real" bad word were. In my house, "gosh" was an inappropriate word. I was teased mercilessly for not knowing what words meant, and it made quite a painful impression. Same point: words that have different meanings now than in classic usage. I was a huge reader, so I used many words the old-fashioned way. It was an awful learning experience.

[Jackie]

I define any and all words as they come up, which they often do with varied reading. This has included quite a few undesirable words, mostly from older books.

 

The words you are asking about were defined during her toddlerhood as she heard them in use, often from me. She has really good hearing.

[Sahamamama]

Sort of... I did have to explain why holding up one's middle finger would not be a great motion for "The Middle Kingdom" during Ancient History timeline cards.

 

Recently, during our unit on Ancient China, I did have to correct my daughter's pronunciation of "Confucius." Think "hard c sound" for both C's, and you've got it. I just corrected her, though, without explaining.

 

My children have heard me say a few choice words at times. Not often, but I suppose I'll chalk it up to "exposure to the world." Right?

 

Their level of naivete is far greater than mine was at that age. The "tough girls" in HS called me Goody-Goody. They called my sister Ivory Soap.

Edited June 11, 2016 by Sahamamama

[Sahamamama]

Also, this is coming from a context in which my mother (still) thinks that FART is a curse word.

 

Seriously. Over the years, this has had only one possible outcome in our family:

 

Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart....

[EKS]

I just teach them the words.  I figure that they can learn what they mean from their friends.

[ThursdayNext]

Words related to God we've explained that we don't use in our family out of respect and it's been no problem so far. And the kids haven't brought up any other words they've chanced to hear.

 

I don't bring anything up, but I wonder how/when to comment on a word that has changed usage. We have run across so many in old books! And my husband would rather I keep my mouth shut.

The only one I've explained so far is ass.

 

Also, a couple years ago my daughter was excited to find a big stack of Dick & Jane readers secondhand. I really think I should tell her why people are not called Dick anymore. Try keeping a straight face with sentences like, "Sally is little. Dick is big. Little little Sally. Big big Dick."

[rocassie]

I don't specifically teach them, but I don't shield them from the words either.  If they hear/read it and ask what it means, I tell them.  Not just the specific meaning but the context in which it is used.  We don't typically use them in our household (DH has been know to on occasion), but I try really hard to not disparage anyone or anything that used them.  It is a fine line because it is language I don't want in my own home, but I don't want my kids thinking poorly of those that do use it.

[Arctic Bunny]

I've explained a few. For example, I kept being shocked every time DS9 would tell me that someone at school said the C word. You know, cr@p. So I keep reminding him that there is a very bad word that is called The C Word, and that's what people will immediately think of.

 

And my older DS asked me, as we were driving home one day, "Mom, you know how most swear words mean something else? Like the S word means poop? Why doesn't the F word have another meaning?"

 

And so I explained, as we pulled into the driveway. You've never seen a kid jump out of a car and so fast and make a beeline for the house.

[momof4inco]

My kids know many of these words, I won't say how  :blushing:  I was surprised when I heard a word I would never use. They said they learned it when they were in school.

 

I think they know what most of them mean, but I would educate them if they didn't. The world isn't going to stop using them. We can't even drive anywhere without hearing "bad" words in the music blasting out of other cars.

Edited June 11, 2016 by momof4inco

[Peaceful Isle]

My kids gradually learn them. They are everywhere, even in kids books and movies. My kids point them out to me.

We are extremely strict about Gods name being used like that. Other words, they will come across, and I teach about them, and teach not to say them, but it's not the end of the world when they hear them. It's part of life.

[fdrinca]

My son recently has asked about curse words. The boys on his gymnastics team were talking about the "f" word, and singing the Name Game song  using Chuck. DH was aghast, but I told him that I'd rather have him (1) hear the words from us, (2) take the power of the words away by removing their secrecy and (3) reinforce the idea that as parents, we are the safe people he can come to with ALL OF THE QUESTIONS. Because if we shut down over curse words, then what about serious stuff? (And for the 9 year old, this **is** serious stuff, this is the stuff of fitting in with peers and figuring out his place in the world.) 

 

My take away was that DS was so...disappointed?...that the words are mostly synonyms for body parts and bodily actions. I don't know what he was hoping for, but a variety of way to explain bowel movements and reproduction was not it. 

 

We don't use curse words in our family culture, and I expect the same from the kids. I'm not naive enough to think they won't curse at some point, but I do hope that our family culture is enough to encourage respectful speaking.

[Arcadia]

Our extended family swears. We do not teach our kids swear words on purpose. If they ask, we explain. Besides, what I may consider as rude, my hubby may consider as swearing.

[waa510]

Not explicitly, really, just when they naturally come up in books, movies, teenagers goofing off in the neighborhood, Mommy stubs her toe ;) 

 

I think if I made a "thing" of it by spending time really teaching them instead of letting these conversations happen organically, the kids would obsess about them more. 

[phathui5]

No, I don't break it down. I do say some, on occasion.

[J-rap]

It never occurred to me to do that.  I figured they'd learn them soon enough.  Of course if they ever asked about any, I'd explain what I knew about it.

 

I guess when I was very young, I learned a swear word that I thought was so funny, I'd say it all the time.  To get it out of my head, my mother told me that "Cluck-cluck" was an even worse swear word.  So, I walked around saying "Cluck-cluck."

 

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

Hear them some day?..... um, I curse like a sailor. But, I do think it's a good idea to explain to those children who don't have me as a mother what the words are and what they mean for the exact same reason as BooksandBoys gave.  I was very sheltered growing up and was mercilessly made fun of for all the things I didn't know.  Which of course made me want to prove I wasn't a "baby". 

 

 

[Miss Tick]

Last weekend I realized that there are times when curse words could be handy for my children to know. I could hear the old swing ropes break and everything thump to the ground. What I wouldn't have given to hear a curse word come floating through the air from ds so I would know he was okay! Instead I waited anxiously to hear his response to dh's yelled questioning from the other side of the house. (He was fine)

[G5052]

Situationally and bluntly. I never made it a mission, just an explanation. I also wanted discussion of s*x to be ordinary, and that was part of it.

 

My oldest goes to a secular college, and he has said several times that he appreciates how open we were. Despite being somewhat sheltered with homeschooling, he didn't feel ignorant when certain words and phrases are used.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No, they teach me about them.

 

:lol:

 

But seriously no.  I don't shield them from them and if they ask about a certain one I'll tell them.  They don't get in trouble for swearing.  My main thing is don't swear in front of the wrong people at the wrong time.  Otherwise, I don't care.

 

 

[maize]

I teach them the words and their meanings.

 

Some kids don't pick that stuff up automatically, even with exposure. The ways words are used is often so far removed from their meanings that it isn't obvious.

 

And my kids have limited exposure. Dh and I do not swear and neither do most of the people around us on a daily basis.

[SKL]

My kids have learned some of them from hearing me when I'm super stressed out.  But the "worse" ones, no, I haven't taught them.  My parents never sat me down and taught me, and I managed to pick it up.  :P  If they asked me the meaning, I'd tell them along with my opinions about the words.

 

I did teach my kids about the middle finger, because they were "flipping" it around not realizing it was offensive.  (They had seen the gesture at school but didn't know what it meant.)

 

The other day I was talking about Muhammad Ali and I taught my kid the word "N-----" because it was relevant to Ali's legacy (it was in an important Ali quote).  They didn't seem to have heard it before.  I think kids do need to know this, because it's in literature and stuff, and also because using it naively at the wrong time/place could cause serious problems.

[SKL]

For me I'm more worried about phrases that have taken on different meanings over time.  Like "hook up" - this is a phrase I have always used to mean meeting with people.  Now I am wondering how many people read a lot more into that than intended.  :P

[Mergath]

No, they teach me about them.

 

:lol:

 

But seriously no.  I don't shield them from them and if they ask about a certain one I'll tell them.  They don't get in trouble for swearing.  My main thing is don't swear in front of the wrong people at the wrong time.  Otherwise, I don't care.

 

That's how it is around here. I don't swear a lot, but dd has certainly been exposed to the full range and usage. ;) I've told her I don't particularly care if she swears at home as long as she uses the words appropriately, but that she probably shouldn't because she'll get used to saying them and might let one slip in front of a friend's parent. 

[Paige]

No. I explain them as we come across them or if one of them drops one! Some of them I really don't want to say, new ones are coming up all the time (than you urban dictionary), and it would feel unnatural to me. 

[Rachel]

Neither me nor my husband swear. If a certain word comes up in a book or they hear it somewhere, I explain that it isn't a polite word to use. With my 8 year old I would be more likely to explain the meaning behind it, but nothing has come up recently. I probably would just tell my 3 year old not to say the word. I wouldn't go out of my way to teach them certain words, but if it came up I wouldn't ignore the situation either.

 

The only two words I can remember explaining why we don't use them are the n word and fag**t. My son had started referring to logs for a camp fire using that term and I explained that most people no longer remember the original meaning and would find the word offensive.

[katilac]

They heard all the standard cussing-in-traffic words at an early age. 

 

When they started to attend more and bigger teen events, I did make sure they knew all the slang words for body parts and bodily functions, lol. Those are not ones I use. I sat there like, this word is just slang for a body part, but that phrase is considered pretty rude. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Yes.  I explain the profanity and obscenity to them so they know what it means. We very rarely cuss around the children but we don't want our kids to be clueless when they're around other people.

[rutamattatt]

We've told the kids since they were very, very little that the rule is if you don't know what a word means, you aren't allowed to use it.  If you want to know what a word means, you ask mom or dad.  We've fielded many, many questions of "What does _________ mean?" and we always tell them how it's being used and whether it is something our family says or not.  The worst are not the swear words they hear and bring to us - the worst are the racist ones they hear.  It shocks me sometimes what they have heard around…  :crying:

[lllll]

nm

Edited July 9, 2016 by ~ d9n

[sweetpea3829]

Purposefully?  No.  I don't want them using that kind of language, and they are rarely ever around people that do.  Neither do I have a problem asking somebody who IS using that language in front of my kids, to not do so.  

 

I have four kids and I can count on one hand the number of times they've heard a word that our family does not use.  Now...they are getting older, and their exposure to that kind of language will increase, I'm sure.  

 

So as it comes up, we'll talk about it.  And I'll explain that it's a word that is offensive and we don't use it.  

[...................]

THis is an interesting question. I would not want them to be curious and google them someday in college.  But, as Christians, I wouldn't want some of the filthy meanings to pop into their heads.  I think, after considering, there might be a few that need to be explained because they have become so "accepted"...I see some swear words as memes, my husband hears some of the worst ones at work, people say them when they're angry, and they really really have a terrible meaning.  I think, maybe those popular ones might need to be explained, and then I can say look all swear words have hte same root, they meant something so negtaive, so unkind, so offensive or volatile that they are not worth ever speaking or thinking....idk...it's a good question though.

[KSinNS]

My kids had heard about "the f word" in Sundayschool (of all places.) I hadn't really discussed it with them, when we were walking down the street in my hometown, and my daughter accidentally bumped into a guy, who started cursing her out (she was maybe 7). Well another guy jumped out of his car and started cursing the first guy. They were about to fight, so we gently and quickly withdrew. Anyway, they heard all the cursing and swearing they would ever need to know used fluently and in context. And they pretty much lost interest in the subject after that.

[Xahm]

My oldest is just about to turn 4, and a couple of months ago heard and asked about the word "idiot." I explained it was a way of saying that someone was not good at thinking, that their brain didn't work well, and so it was really mean to say. She thought for a moment and said, "but I could say it about the scarecrow (from The Wizard of Oz)." I said that would still be unkind, and she insisted it's okay because he isn't real. I agreed but told her that people who overheard her might think she was a rude little girl and wouldn't let their kids play with her. She accepted that and hasn't used it since.

I expect we'll have lots of those types of conversations with increasingly obscene words. (The funny thing to me was the passionate tone of voice she used each time she said the word "idiot." Wherever she had heard it, the speaker was clearly ticked with someone.)

[scoutingmom]

For me I'm more worried about phrases that have taken on different meanings over time. Like "hook up" - this is a phrase I have always used to mean meeting with people. Now I am wondering how many people read a lot more into that than intended. [emoji14]

Yes, that needs to be watched for. I was reading the autobiography of my grandma, and she mentions her love affair with her boyfriend (who later became granddad). I'll have to explain to my kids when they get a copy that it meant little actions of affection, like giving her flowers or possibly a peck on her cheek!

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

[alisoncooks]

Oldest DD, the dog enthusiast, was seriously disappointed when I gently encouraged her to discontinue the use of the word b!tch. She'd read it in a dog book, but was annoyed that the common meaning has changed over time.

 

We had a similar experience with Dick (why do so many characters in older books have that name?!) :p. I'm thinking especially of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and the boy who labeled everything.

Edited June 12, 2016 by alisoncooks

[SparklyUnicorn]

For me I'm more worried about phrases that have taken on different meanings over time.  Like "hook up" - this is a phrase I have always used to mean meeting with people.  Now I am wondering how many people read a lot more into that than intended.  :p

 

Huh, I never heard that phrase used in that way (of just meeting with people).

 

Totally off on a tangent here, but this made me think of the fact we still often use the old phone terms like dialing and phone ringing off the hook...etc. 

[Tsuga]

Would love to know if any of you purposefully teach your children undesirable words, so that when they do hear these words someday, they will know what they mean?

No. I explain if they ask and explain why it is not appropriate in most situations or I any situation I can think of for a child.

 

But I do not presumptively explain.

 

My kids go to public school. It has not been a problem.

[Tita Gidge]

I learned to be fluent in English by watching tv and movies. I used all sorts of swear words without knowing it, until someone would correct me. :leaving:

 

I probably still use some words that might be rude, especially slang and curse words, but I don't know unless someone tells me.

 

I wish I had thought to be more selective about what I was watching LOL.

[kolamum]

No. My children learned some charming language from a rather unusual source {neighbours who are in a very "no outsiders" type religious group no less} My children don't play with those kids {those children only "play" with each other & generally it's so filled with cursing that it's highly irritating to listen to. It was so bad at one point last year I finally shouted across the fence, "I can hear every word you're saying."}

 

My youngest did come ask me what one particular word meant because he'd heard them say it & presumed it was a cricket term he wasn't familiar with. I never find the point in intentionally exposing my children to it because it will happen naturally in some manner & we can speak about it then. 

[Hobbes]

I don't tell them words just to explain them, but I do give answers when they have questions about words - any kind of word.

 

I was homeschooled in a conservative environment where swearing was not a thing, but I still managed to figure out the meanings of most swear words. Then I worked as a lifeguard in high school for a while and that pretty much rounded out my cursing education...

[Minerva]

My seven year old son recently told me there are levels to swearing. 

 

Level one swear word: Poop

Level two swear word: Crap

Level three swear word: Sh**

 

I asked him how to know which level to use and he said, "Oh, you'll know." 

 

 

 

 

[City Mouse]

Depends on the child's age.

A child may need to know what a word means to understand why it is offensive to another person, but not always.

 

When my DD was little, we had a Rugrats video where Angelica overheard someone using a "bad word". The "bad word" was bleeped out so any word could apply. Then, of course she started to use the word.

When she wanted to know why the word was "bad", the parents told her something along the lines of "A bad word is any word that makes another person feel bad"

 

I have used that idea with my kids. A word can be used with a group of friend and be fine, but that same word would make grandma unhappy, and those words should never be directed at a person with the intention of making someone feel bad. That is why calling someone stupid is just as bad as calling them a *#%@$.

[Bluegoat]

I've never really thought of teaching them.  I will tell them when it comes up, they can generally see something is rude from the context.  I suppose if I were thinking of giving an actual explanation of the meaning of the word, it might depend a bit on the age of the child.

 

When I was a kid, I think I learned most of the real meaning of swear words from the dictionary. 

 

Though - my son has been asking me for a while what the word that is the "f-word' is.  I've resisted somewhat because I tend to think he will use it, and it seems much better at the moment when he loses his temper to hear him yell "you f-word!"

[mamiof5]

Not at all. I don't use bad words, find them unnecessary. I barely know the meaning of a few, and I'm not interested in knowing more. Have no interest in teaching them to our kids. So far we've only discussed a couple. We really try to keep bad words out of our home.

[Tanaqui]

We had a similar experience with Dick (why do so many characters in older books have that name?!)

 

Because every Tom, Dick, and Harry had that name!

 

And I think it's the other way around, actually - the name was so popular that people started using it for the body part. Metonymy and all that.

 

[LMD]

No, they teach me about them.

 

:lol:

 

But seriously no. I don't shield them from them and if they ask about a certain one I'll tell them. They don't get in trouble for swearing. My main thing is don't swear in front of the wrong people at the wrong time. Otherwise, I don't care.

Pretty much this. Neither dh or I are big swearers, but the kids have heard some through music or movies. I've also had to explain heroin/junky and innuendo (I know that she is saying ice cream but she doesn't mean ice cream and repeating it isn't a great idea!) Lol. It's not a big deal here.

[fdrinca]

Huh, I never heard that phrase used in that way (of just meeting with people).

 

Totally off on a tangent here, but this made me think of the fact we still often use the old phone terms like dialing and phone ringing off the hook...etc. 

 

College Freshman me (1997) to a group of kids after class, first day of college:

"I can't go, I'm going to hook up with my roommate."

 

Guess which meaning I meant vs. what was understood by my peers  :leaving:  :lol:

[J&JMom]

I explain what they mean as they come up, but I do not preemptively teach them.  My 11-year-old is constantly surprised by how many euphemisms there are for sex and body parts :)