luckymom Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Does anyone care to share if, married, you keep your own bedroom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We fell into that when I was pregnant (flopping all over the place) and DH needed to get up well before dawn for work every day. It was nooooooo big deal to us. Our mothers worried about the state of our marriage lol, but it was great. We eventually started back to sleeping (zzzz sleeping ;-) ) together when I had some health problems and didn't feel safe alone at night in case there was an emergency. We still maintain separate rooms, actually. But he sleeps in "my" room. Wait is there a question? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymom Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 I am curious about couples keeping separate bedrooms. It seems that people freak out about it nowadays. But ,when we are touring historic homes, it seems that very frequently couples kept separate rooms. Why was it ok then and not now? I think it's an idea worth considering. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I have my own bedroom. It started because I can't sleep due to pain and didn't want to keep my husband up as well. But I think that I would want to do it even if I wasn't in pain. I know of two different couples who started to sleep apart after finding out that we did. They told me that they found it a relief to be able to do so. There is nothing wrong with any of our marriages and we still are able to be intimate when and where we want, but quality of sleep improved when we were in our own bedrooms. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 XH decided that having a tv was more important than sleeping with me and things never got better. Honestly, the marriage was doomed before that, but separate rooms are an absolute no for me, and it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with intimacy. I'm glad to see it works for some, though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Oh, It's OK now. IME if you assure people, in whatever round-about way necessary, that you're still having relations they start thinking separate rooms is a great idea. Although, sleeping configurations throughout time have varied significantly, if you're using that as your baseline. The standard would be everyone in the same room in many places. Or all the women in one (home) and men in another. Or women with their own room and a huz that floats between his wives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We don't, but both of my sets of grandparents slept apart - one couple had separate bedrooms, and the other had separate beds on opposite sides of the same long room. They slept much better, and that helped their marriages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catalytic Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) I don't have a bedroom, but I've slept on the couch for about 15 years. DH and I still managed to make a baby in that time, and it's easily explained by my kicking and snoring (both of which I do, DH is a light sleeper, and he's up well before dawn most days, so it makes more sense for him to have a quiet bedroom) Edited June 9, 2016 by Catalytic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggie96 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Separate bedrooms here. It's heaven. My grandparents and DH's parents all had/have separate bedrooms and are/were very happily married over 50 years (parents are on way to 60 years). Our stress levels improved significantly when we could get some private time and sleep. We still share the master closet though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) I wish we had enough bedrooms to have my own! One set of grandparents had their own rooms, so I don't necessarily think it's weird. I would love to be able to keep my room nice and neat and lovely and let him trash his. Whoops, did I just say that? :lol: :lol: Edited June 7, 2016 by marbel 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 My husband and I have separate bedrooms. First of all, I just really like having space that is entirely 100% mine. Maybe that sounds selfish, but there's something so relaxing about it to me. I walk into that room every night and just feel such a sense of peace. As the only girl in my family growing up, I always had my own room, and I guess that got me spoiled to the arrangement. Secondly, my husband, love him to pieces, is annoying as all heck to sleep with. He tosses and turns like you would not believe. He doesn't just roll over when he wants to change positions during the night, he sits up and hurls himself down again! It is no fun to be startled awake several times a night. Plus, our sleep schedules are very different. He's an early to bed, early to rise type (8pm to 4am!) and I'm, well, not (11pm to 7am). So separate sleeping quarters just makes more sense for us, so that I'm not waking him up when I go to bed, and he's not waking me up at 4am. This, by the way, has no bearing whatsoever on our intimacy. We didn't do this because we are avoiding each other. It just works better for us. Oh, also, I like my girly room decor, and the fact that, even though I dearly love my dogs, I can have *one* room in my house that's relatively free of dog hair!!! Hubby would never agreer to a dog-free bedroom. One of our dogs sleeps with him! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I wish we had enough bedrooms to have my own! One set of grandparents had their own rooms, so I don't necessarily think it's weird. I would love to be able to keep my room nice and neat and lovely and let him trash his. Whoops, did I just say that? :lol: :lol: Yes, and there's that as well! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) We do. DH is a night owl, and I'm not. This way, he can go to bed and read for hours or watch TV, and not disturb me, and I can wake up early and not disturb him. Plus he is tall and tends to sleep in an L shape-which makes it hard to share a bed with him unless it's a king-which our house doesn't have room for in the bedrooms (lots of bedrooms, but mostly small ones). Oh, and DD affected intimacy FAR more than separate bedrooms :). Edited June 7, 2016 by dmmetler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We do. DH is a night owl, and I'm not. This way, he can go to bed and read for hours or watch TV, and not disturb me, and I can wake up early and not disturb him. Plus he is tall and tends to sleep in an L shape-which makes it hard to share a bed with him unless it's a king-which our house doesn't have room for in the bedrooms (lots of bedrooms, but mostly small ones). Oh, and DD affected intimacy FAR more than separate bedrooms :). Yes, the kids have a much bigger effect on things than separate rooms ever would! Here, anyway. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 There was a very long thread about this once. And there were plenty of us who do maintain separate bedrooms, almost always because of incompatible sleep habits. In my case I mostly sleep in one of the kids rooms - dh has been asleep since 8;45 and I've just given up and gone online again at 11:30. I'm unlikely to get to sleep before 1am and he gets up at around 4:30. Separate space to sleep is what works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Both sets of my grandparents had their own bedrooms - and now I know why. Older folks snore. Legs twitch and wake the other person. The person who needs to get up and pee a few times a night wakes the snorer who then has insomnia and can not get back to sleep. One person wants to chatter when they have insomnia and the person attempting to sleep wants to smother them with a pillow. Eventually, to avoid killing each other, they each get their own bedroom. Ah, slumber! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 There were years in my marriage where I and a nursing baby slept together, while my husband slept in another room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ananda Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Well. . . . sort of. I share a room with the baby. I have shared a room/bed with each of my children in turn until the next was born. My husband went from having his own room, to sharing with the 6 & 3 year old. I don't know what our long term plan is for bedrooms. Before we had kids, my husband slept in "the bedroom," and I slept on the futon in the living room. We have only shared a bed a handful of times in our marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 When ex and I were together, he slept on the couch - had nothing to do with our relationship. He likes extra warmth, me I don't need 40 blankets. He liked to fall asleep with the TV on and heaven forbid you turn it off after he's asleep. Plus he'd fall asleep early on most nights and waking him up to go to bed got to be kind of stupid after a while. He would get up about two hours before me too. We did that for years and it certainly made for better sleep habits for both of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 There was a very long thread about this once. And there were plenty of us who do maintain separate bedrooms, almost always because of incompatible sleep habits. In my case I mostly sleep in one of the kids rooms - dh has been asleep since 8;45 and I've just given up and gone online again at 11:30. I'm unlikely to get to sleep before 1am and he gets up at around 4:30. Separate space to sleep is what works. I was just coming to post that there was a thread about this, with a poll, a couple of years back, and it was a surprise to me to read the (non-binding, not statistically accurate...) poll results that some pretty high percentage had their own rooms. We don't but due to some of the reasons listed here, I don't htink it would be a bad idea for us ... but I'm not going to bring it up. Yet. :0) One set of my grandparents had separate rooms, and the other set--the big, roly-poly set, slept in a double bed all their lives. So there ya go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymom Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Thank you for all of the replies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) I wish we had separate bedrooms. If we had an extra bedroom we would each have our own. Snoring is an issue. He likes to watch TV late at night and I like pitch black. As it is now, one of us will end up moving to the couch. I fully expect to use ds's bedroom when he is away at college. Edited June 7, 2016 by kewb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upptacka Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I started bed sharing with my baby and only then did I realize how awful it is sleeping with my husband. ;-) I honestly don't think I can ever go back. He tosses and turns and snores......I don't sleep well at all with him, even in a king size bed. We also have different sleep/wake cycles, so it works better that way. I sleep away from the master, so his showers don't wake me up in the morning, either. He likes getting ready In the morning without feeling like he has to tiptoe around and get dressed in the dark. So we are both happy. We get plenty of snuggle time and talk time on the couch and/or the bedroom before he goes to sleep. Then I get my precious 1-2 hours of daily "alone time" before I crash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We used to. I wish we could go back to it, but the current house set up doesn't allow it. When dh comes to bed around 5 am most days, it always wakes me up. It's the worst timing. Last night he finished early and came in around 3 and I slept so much better. But it is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I can't sleep if dh isn't in the same bed as me. If he falls asleep on the couch, which is rare, I'm up for an hour or longer than usual. If one of us is away, neither sleeps well. And I know it would certainly affect our intimacy because we often wake up in the middle of night or an hour early to enjoy some TeA. I'm just too tired at night to have the energy even though the interest is there 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Dh and I almost always sleep in different rooms. I cosleep with my babies and he needs his space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.