Leashes/Tethers - a poll

[Audrey]

This is an anonymous poll.  The question is about whether or not you, personally, have ever used a leash/tether on one of your own children. 

 

I'm not asking for debate on this.  I understand it can be a touchy subject, and I have no judgment either way.  I'm just very interested to know if this is still a current parenting choice and how popular if so.

 

Observations are welcome.  If you would like to add anecdotes about having seen this recently (as in the last year or so) or not, that would be helpful to my research.  But, again... this isn't meant to be a pro or con thread on the subject.

 

 

ETA:  Consider the term 'special needs' as self-identified, i.e. if you have identified your child as having special needs, whether or not you have a medical or other official diagnosis.

 

Also, please don't feel that you have to defend your choices here.  As I said above, I have no judgment either way.  This is purely for personal research on my part. 

 

Thank you for your help!  :)

Edited June 6, 2016 by Audrey

[3 ladybugs]

Yes and I don't think of my 2 year old as a dog. My child is "spirited" and will climb any fence within 5 yards of him. He will also chase a butterfly and thinks "holding hands" will get him "cooties" especially from a parent. Well maybe not give him cooties, but he HATES it. So unless it is a time when I know he will behave, or he is expected to act like a kid, and not an adult (at the park, sometimes at church) then his "monkey" goes on him. I know that others think of it as a bad parenting choice, but honestly for me I have another child and I know my limits, and even when I am completely focused on him (took him alone for a walk yesterday), things can and more often then not, will happen. I worked WAY too hard for each of my children to let anything happen to my children on my watch. 

[JudoMom]

I used one with 4th ds.  It was required for his safety.  He had little impulse control, a strong will, and he was little and fast and I had 4 other boys to keep in line (and none of the rest ever needed the leash).  I kept him contained other ways when possible when I was forced to take all the boys somewhere (I really tried to avoid that for many years--there's only a little over 6 years between the 5 so that was a lot of energy to contain), but sometimes I had to use the monkey leash backpack to keep him from bolting.  He's now 12 and hasn't needed it for years ;).

[SproutMamaK]

Any chance you could make it so that we can choose multiple options in the second half? I have used leashes on both neurotypical and special needs children, as recently as last week and as long as 10 years ago.

 

ETA: as far as popularity, from my own observations I haven't noticed a change. Usually when I'm using one I'll notice a few other families doing the same, and that's been the case both 10 years ago and now. (We tend to only use them in places where it would be dangerous for a young one to get separated and difficult to find them, like amusement parks, etc.) We've never gotten any negative comments, neither in the past nor now. Quite the opposite, some people make a point of coming up and saying how good it is to see a child running around instead of strapped in to a stroller. Then again, that may just be because I look like a tired mother who's had enough of other people's crap and people can tell it's a bad idea to try to call me out. ;)

Edited June 6, 2016 by SproutMamaK

[regentrude]

I have used climbing harnesses and ropes to belay my children in steep and exposed terrain when that was the prudent thing to do.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Once in the airport.  Kid was not special needs, but a definite flight risk.  I didn't want to deal with that in a busy airport.  I didn't keep it on him the entire time.  Just when we had to wait in lines. 

 

 

[HomeAgain]

Yep, and I LOVE them as a secondary tool when my kid dropped my hand.  Our last time using it was about 4 years ago, when the youngest was a bit of a wanderer.  We never had to use it long but it worked great to teach my children what appropriate distances were.

[Arcadia]

Seen child harness leash in used at parks, big stores and sidewalks. Having seen toddlers dashing out of the library to the parking lots, I would say that would scare a parent or grandparent into considering a leash.

 

I have kids who prefer the stroller until they were past five years old so I had not needed a leash with mine. Some of my friends had needed to use a leash for their kids at the starting to walk stage and if you see how toddlers sprint, it is easy to understand why.

[Audrey]

Any chance you could make it so that we can choose multiple options in the second half? I have used leashes on both neurotypical and special needs children, as recently as last week and as long as 10 years ago.

 

 

I thought I had done that. Sorry.  I just edited the poll and checked that box now.  Try again and let me know if it worked, please.

 

Thank you for your input!

[SproutMamaK]

I thought I had done that. Sorry.  I just edited the poll and checked that box now.  Try again and let me know if it worked, please.

 

Thank you for your input!

 

Done, and it worked fine. Thanks! :)

[Beaniemom]

My 3 children are close in age and my middle child has special needs (deaf +). My neurotypical girls were both runners as well so backpack leashes were a needed safety item for our family. The kids thought they were neat and often wore them without the leash attached as well.

[dlpardo]

I have a two year old who went through a phase of running off in public places. She happily wore her owl tether for about a month to break the habit. I didn't feel comfortable with her wearing it at first, but I received so many compliments that I began to relax about anyone judging me. This was within the past six months. Oops, I forgot to add she is not special needs.

Edited June 6, 2016 by dlpardo

[gardenmom5]

I had a tether that went around my and child's wrists - but i wish I could have found something more substantial.  Usually, they refused to wear it - but would let me wear it and they'd hold it. . . it was that or struggle with my fingers around their wrist.

 

I had one . . . 2 seconds and he. was. gone.!   didn't matter how many times I told him to stay with me. I only started calming down when he got to be around 11/12.  he was never lost - he always knew where he was.  he didn't give a rip that I wasn't around.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I had one postal employee "go postal" on me about how I was demeaning my son by having a leash on him.  I looked at my son, grinned and told him "sit!"  He did happily and the entire post office started laughing.  Except for the postal employee.  He stomped off in a huff. 

 

I used them at times and didn't use them at times.  My kids were also trained to have a hand on the shopping cart at all times and to hold my hand in parking lots (non-negotiable).  It was one safety training tool out of many.  I figure all parents can make that decision on their own. 

[smstjohn]

I have never used them and I recall wondering why anyone would ever use them when I had my first child. Then I had my second...and while I never used one for him I realized why someone might. It opens your eyes when you have a child with a lot of curiosity and little thought for consequences until it is too late.

 

This topic is one of those things that made me really think through how I view what's going on around me and not rushing to judge.

[Ethel Mertz]

I voted yes, 10 yrs ago. DS was a bolter; he would think nothing of running down the sidewalk into a busy street. At the time, we lived in a large city. One time, I was traveling alone with him and he bolted into the airport men's room. I went right in after him.

[knoxinsox]

Yes, we got a cute little monkey backpack leash and I used it for both my kids.  Oldest was a runner.  At 2, he could wiggle out of the buckle in the kids seat of a cart and get down and be gone in the time it took me to bend over and grab something from the bottom shelf at the store. Also, he would run away during church services, and he was super fast.  The leash gave him a feeling of freedom and it kept him close. It made me feel better, since I lost him several times within a couple of seconds before that.  I used it with my youngest out of habit with the older one.  

 

ETA: No special needs, just normal kids with typical 2 and 3 year old with no impulse control, which I find to be perfectly normal behavior for that age.

Edited June 6, 2016 by knoxinsox

[Callie]

Yes, no sn over 15 years ago.

 

My oldest two were 13 months apart then 7 years between #2 and #3.  18 months between 3 and 4.

 

I used the child leash when we went places so I could push a stroller or babywear youngest and toddler could walk beside me. 

[HS Mom in NC]

No. I wore my kids for quite a while and didn't have any bolters.  I get whey some parents with some kids in some circumstances would. 

[zoobie]

I used the cute little monkey backpack with my 1st, who loved the independent feeling it gave her. She hated being in a stroller or grocery cart, and once I had her little brother, I needed some way to keep her secure when I carried him. She wasn't a runner and probably would've been fine walking right beside me, so I guess it was more for me (reassuring me of her presence and relative safety while in sleep-deprived, PPD newborn haze) than her. I tried again with my nutty little third child who never ever stands in one place longer than 1/2 a second, but she screamed as though she were being electrocuted by the damn rabbit backpack. She also hated strollers and carts, and thus we seriously stopped going places for a while or had to really really really think hard as to whether it was worth it dealing with chasing her around in public. Haven't tried yet with my youngest. 

[Eliz]

My younger daughter had a strong curiosity (still does) and would take off with no warning.  Depending on where we were, I used a leash.  Some parents were supported, but I received so much criticism!  At first it hurt to be criticized, but then I realized the leash was for my daughter's safey first and foremost!  Who cares what others think.

[73349]

I used a puppy backpack harness with DS sometimes from ages 1 through 3.

 

He wasn't a big fan of the stroller (and I was happy to let him walk, since he could), and we often went places where it would be a problem if he got far from me (museums, festivals, downtown farmers' market, etc.). He liked it because then he didn't have to hold hands (which is hard to do for a long time when you're two-foot-something). He could lead me to whatever he wanted to look at.

 

Never got any negative comments from anybody on it, family or stranger. By the time he was 4, I didn't have to worry about losing him anywhere, so we didn't use it any more.

[UCF612]

We used one on my youngest when we had Disney annual passes. He was around 2 at the time and was a wild child (he's sooooo easy now but gave us a run for our money then). My MIL bought us a backpack leash. I was opposed to it but my son loved it! So we ended up using it occasionally at Disney and it kept him from wandering off to explore a number of times. He was highly opposed to the stroller, hated being strapped down. It was IMO "meaner" to force him into the stroller than to harness him and allow him freedom to move in a controlled environment. He was much happier and safer.

Edited June 6, 2016 by UCF612

[Carrie12345]

No, but I made liberal use of strollers well past toddlerhood with several children.

[ashfern]

I have not used a tether with any of my kids. I did have one that was a runner so I just held her hand at all times. I think she would have figured out how to get out of a tether anyway. She still wanders away from us now.

 

I have seen the backpack tethers fairly recently (within the past year). 

[Janeway]

After the recent gorilla incident, I would hope that no one would have a problem with child leashes.

[Xahm]

We took a backpack with a leash attachment with us when travelling overseas. We never used it until baggage claims and customs in Miami when we'd been awake for nearly 24 hours and my two year old did NOT want to stand in line. At one point I may even have been dragging him as he sat down and slid across the floor. Not the highlight of my parenthood, but it kept us from missing our next flight. And his screaming sent us to the front of lines.

Oddly enough, he still loves that backpack and us.

[bluemongoose]

In my younger years when I was so naive...I said I would never use one of those!

 

Oh how did that come back to bite me! My first was so easy. Feared strangers, stayed right next to me, she seemed to prove I was right! Then I had more... Second was a wanderer, 3rd was a bolter, and 4th is a bolter. I have used that thing constantly when in crowded or big/dangerous places for the last 7 years.

[Loowit]

I did with my youngest.  I bought it because we were going to Disneyland and I was going to be alone with three young children while DH worked.  My littlest had just turned three at the time.  I didn't want to use a stroller, so I got a puppy backpack harness. He loved the thing and would wear it around the house all the time.  He still has it, though it doesn't fit anymore, but he has fond memories of it.

[Ailaena]

 

I remember a time when I was super-judgy about people using leashes. I thought leashes were horrible, that the parents were just lazy, etc, etc.

 

I have since learned that my daughter was just unusually shy and well-behaved when she was a young'un (she's making up for it now ;) ) and that there are toddlers who are runners. Crazy runners. And I now believe it's perfectly acceptable - not to mention smart and safety-conscious - for a parent to leash that kid in appropriate situations. Or any kid, for any reason. Your call; not my business.

[Tita Gidge]

My daughter came after four boys. They convinced her to be the family dog and for a year she always wanted to wear her (dog) leash when we went out. We clipped it to her belt. But I don't think that's what you're talking about!

 

I never used a child leash.

 

I wrapped and strapped those pesky runners right to my body. :lol:

[SporkUK]

I did with my now-11 year old when he was small. O walked fairly early [before 9 months], did not want to be in the carrier unless very tired, and was non-verbal for a couple years after that so we had a rule - hold my hand or wear the harness that had a leash. I only really needed a few times but it was a relief. I think I did similar with A and M though it was never as big a deal as they were usually more content in the carrier - I can only think of one time I needed it with A.

 

With my youngest, they didn't work. While my older 3 would try to walk [or in O's case run] off or refuse to hold hands, F would just flop down and refuse to move. I remember being so confused as none of my older 3 had ever completely refused to move so much. That plus him being heavier at 18 months than my older 3 were plus my joint problems getting worse meant I had to buy a pushchair to save everyone's sanity and my body. He liked wearing his tiny turtle-harness-backpack but it was never really any use with his flopping. It was several months before he got out of the flopping stage. Now I have him wear either a shirt or jacket with a hood when we go out so I can hold onto that when he refuses to hold hands. He's being more stubborn on that as well but I don't think I would use a harness/leash now unless his behaviour got far more risky - it would be hard to get one in his size anyways. 

[Sukale]

 I used them while on vacations or when we went to places like the circus. If I was buying a snack at a crowded place like Disney on Ice, I would have both hands and eyes off my child. In those few seconds I was always afraid something would happen. This is the kind I used.  http://www.amazon.com/Jeep-90214R-Backpack-Harness-Puppy/dp/B002T44LZU

[shawthorne44]

I answered No, but I am pro-leash.   I actually had a couple of leashes, but DD was perfectly happy to hold my hand or ride in the cart so I never had to use it.   DH had been leashed in the early 70's back when that was NOT done, but it was necessary.   He wasn't special needs, but he was fearless.   Like the time MIL took him (about 2) to a empty school in the summer.  He was playing on the floor while she was talking to someone.  Then he wasn't there.   Then there was a commotion outside.   DH was happily walking along the second story ledge.  To this day he doesn't understand why people were concerned.   

[Dmmetler]

We had the backpack thingy, but DD honestly didn't need it-between being late to walk anyway and being hypersensory, she tended to either want to be in the stroller, or to cling to me like a limpet. But for a different kid, heck yes! And even that's not going to handle all cases-one of my friends has a DS who was a major escape artist until about age 5-6. Seriously, you blinked and the kid was gone-whether he was in a stroller, holding your hand, wearing one of the backpack things...and he's entirely the kind of kid who I could easily see deciding he wants to play with the gorillas. Even at 7, it's frighteningly easy to lose that kid.

 

 

 

 

[AmandaVT]

I was just thinking, gosh if a leash had been involved, the incident wouldn't have happened.

 

We have the monkey backpack leash, we have had it since DD20 was little.  I have used it, at some point, with all 4 of my kids.  Some more than others.  Although DS3 is a little bit of a runner, we haven't really had occasion to need it with him much.  I think we have had it on him a few times.  DD5 is my special needs kiddo.  And the one time we actually did lose her, it wouldn't have done any good anyway.  (she wandered away from her softball coach and another team mom spotted her and took her over with them.)

I read this wrong and for a minute pictured your 20 yr old w/ a monkey backpack on. :-) 

 

I never used a leash w/ DS, but he was and still is the opposite of a runner. If he had been the bolting type, then I wouldn't hesitate. 

[SKL]

I didn't use a leash, but I had a patentable unbreakable (but humane) wrist grip and I could even hold 2 kids' hands in 1 of mine.  :P  I used the double stroller for precarious situations until my kids were about 1.5.

 

My kids weren't typically runners, but they surprised me once or twice.  Not enough to justify the trouble of shopping for a leash.  :)

[bettyandbob]

Why is it demeaning to keep a child safe?

 

I used harnesses with leads. I buckled tightly in strollers. I hoisted heavy toddler/preschoolers into my shoulders for long periods while they tried to get down. I did all these things to keep DC safe.

 

My obviously sn child was the least likely to run. He never wore the harness.

[Callie]

My younger daughter had a strong curiosity (still does) and would take off with no warning.  Depending on where we were, I used a leash.  Some parents were supported, but I received so much criticism!  At first it hurt to be criticized, but then I realized the leash was for my daughter's safey first and foremost!  Who cares what others think.

I must have some serious RBF because no one ever made any comments to me.  I used them (I had the one that went around the childs wrist, not a backpack) at places like Disney or the mall.  

 

My kids were not bolters I just liked the fact that my toddler could walk and not have to be confined to a hot stroller.  

 

We also used baby backpacks and Snuggli's.  My 6'6" dh carried all four kids in these different things over the years.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Why is it demeaning to keep a child safe?

 

I used harnesses with leads. I buckled tightly in strollers. I hoisted heavy toddler/preschoolers into my shoulders for long periods while they tried to get down. I did all these things to keep DC safe.

 

My obviously sn child was the least likely to run. He never wore the harness.

 

Oh you are to keep your child safe and do so in a magical unicorn way. 

[theelfqueen]

Yes... but I'm pretty anti-stroller for kids who can walk.

Doesn't mean I didn't use strollers but I didn't use them often or long ;)

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes... but I'm pretty anti-stroller for kids who can walk.

Doesn't mean I didn't use strollers but I didn't use them often or long ;)

 

Yeah, but after having them slump onto the ground when getting tired out it's pretty hard to get through the rest of whatever it is you are doing.

 

I don't judge ppl regarding any of these things because how do I know what their deal is.  Their kid might be impossible when they are tired.  Or they might run away first chance they get.  Look at how people responded about the gorilla.  They acted like the parents threw the kid in there.  He would be on the old side for a leash, but maybe he runs off regularly.

[3 ladybugs]

My kid is 3 next month. He isn't on the old side of needing one! He IS the age for needing one!

[theelfqueen]

Oh I'm not judging... lots of people love strollers, I just hate dealing with them. ( But my judgemental line in response to leash haters was something like "yeah but strapping them down immobile to a chair is humane?" Cause I'm evil like that.) But I don't really have strong feelings. I just like to wear my kids out ;)

 

Mostly, I'm just too lazy for strollers... anything I have to pack/unpack or carry around has to fit in my (usually small) bag or I'm too lazy to deal with it. So a scrunched up ring sling or mei tei was do-able for me, Same for a leash... but strollers and big heavy carriers. Nope. LAZY MAMAS for THE WIN.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My kid is 3 next month. He isn't on the old side of needing one! He IS the age for needing one!

 

True.  You know, my youngest is nearly 11 and I've already forgotten these details. 

 

LOL

[Joker]

I've never used one and I've rarely seen them being used.

 

I admit I used to be pretty judgemental about it the few times I did see one, but I've come to the conclusion that maybe dh and I just got lucky with our two because we've not had many behavioral issues.

 

They really never ran off. Oldest did once in a parking garage at age two and I fell chasing her. I was a few months pregnant and my balance was off. Dd felt horrible and never ran off again. Youngest has always been easy so no problems there.

[sunflowerlady]

Used them a couple of times when dd was a toddler. We went to a night time outdoor Christmas party. There were lots of people and a very large bonfire. :w00t:  Even though she was a very easy child , she was a toddler and liked to run around. If I felt I needed it for safety, I used it.

[shawthorne44]

Oh I'm not judging... lots of people love strollers, I just hate dealing with them. ( But my judgemental line in response to leash haters was something like "yeah but strapping them down immobile to a chair is humane?" Cause I'm evil like that.) But I don't really have strong feelings. I just like to wear my kids out ;)

 

Mostly, I'm just too lazy for strollers... anything I have to pack/unpack or carry around has to fit in my (usually small) bag or I'm too lazy to deal with it. So a scrunched up ring sling or mei tei was do-able for me, Same for a leash... but strollers and big heavy carriers. Nope. LAZY MAMAS for THE WIN.

 

That is soo true.   Mommy gets tired out.   If the kid gets tired out at the same time or before mommy, WIN!.   

Edited June 6, 2016 by shawthorne44

[Outdoorsy Type]

My middle son was a darter and I was overwhelmed and exhausted when I had my youngest. I used a monkey backpack leash, which they loved. They would wear it around the house without the leash part for fun.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh I'm not judging... lots of people love strollers, I just hate dealing with them. ( But my judgemental line in response to leash haters was something like "yeah but strapping them down immobile to a chair is humane?" Cause I'm evil like that.) But I don't really have strong feelings. I just like to wear my kids out ;)

 

Mostly, I'm just too lazy for strollers... anything I have to pack/unpack or carry around has to fit in my (usually small) bag or I'm too lazy to deal with it. So a scrunched up ring sling or mei tei was do-able for me, Same for a leash... but strollers and big heavy carriers. Nope. LAZY MAMAS for THE WIN.

 

Actually that makes sense and I have seen people make their kid stay in the stroller the entire time they were somewhere even if the kid was dying to get out and it was safe for him to do so.  That might be even worse.

 

Carriers did not work for me.  I never found one that worked for midgets.  I mostly kid, I'm more of a tall midget...but yeah... LOL