mamashark Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 My daughter is 8 and tends to try to hide her ability. When she was 6, she would pretend she couldn't read when in public so that she didn't stand out since none of her friends could read yet (a couple adults figured her out though - the eye Dr. tricked her into reading "ophthalmology" when she wouldn't read the word "cat", that was an amusing moment for me). I am pretty sure she's doing something similar with math. A couple months ago she was throwing a fit about not understanding a math problem and I got frustrated with her and said "using me to give you the answer is not an acceptable strategy". Her response was to stop crying immediately and grumble "bummer, she figured out what I was doing". I've also had the experience where I tell her "you know the answer to that, I'm not telling you the answer" and she says, "oh, ok, well then the answer is xyz" and she's correct. But she tends to throw big fits and cry over any math assignment, however small, and if she gets a problem wrong, heaven help us, she acts like it's the end of the world! I hate the constant battle over math, but don't know what to do about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Off the top of my head I'd wonder if she's struggling with too much focus on getting things right & getting the correct answer & that's tipping into perfectionism. Are you checking her work and marking it? Because if so, I'd be tempted to stop. Just set a timer, let her work for a given period of time and leave it. Don't mark it or grade it. If she asks to find out if she got a question right, give her the answer key to check her own work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThoughtfulMama Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 My nearly 8-year-old does not do that exact same thing, but he also does expect to always get everything correct easily. He knows that we absolutely won't give him the answers even when he asks the questions, but we will ask some leading questions to help break down the process. For example, he asked how mush gas it would take to get to another city 2 hours away. So we worked through with him how to estimate that. We said that we drive about 60 MPH to get there, so he figured out that it was abut 120 miles. He could see that the car was getting 49.8 MPG, so we told him to round that up to 50 for the mental math since we were estimating. Then he was able to divide and came up with the answer that it was 2 groups of 50 for the 100. Then we asked him what to do with the other 20 miles. He said that 25 is half of 50, so it would be a little less than half, which meant it would take a little less than 2.5 gallons of gas to make the trip. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThoughtfulMama Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) duplicate Edited May 31, 2016 by ThoughtfulMama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 , but he also does expect to always get everything correct easily. I had this with one of mine and if I were dealing with a young one like this again, I'd be worried about this more & I'd be more proactive about addressing it. Sometimes these kids start hitting hard problems and conclude the testing was wrong and they're stupid and they quit. When things come easy to you for a long time, it can be a really hard transition to find things suddenly difficult. You have to be really conscious of the problem & how to promote a mindset of working hard & being ok with not knowing, not being first, not getting it right away..... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThoughtfulMama Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 I had this with one of mine and if I were dealing with a young one like this again, I'd be worried about this more & I'd be more proactive about addressing it. I agree. But I think in these little ones, one way to address it is to re-direct their focus to the process instead of letting them cross over into the emotions of frustration. That's what I was trying to get across, that I want to keep an open dialogue about how to work through "hard" instead. An older kid might gain a lot more from being left to struggle for a long time on issues, but at this age building the confidence to solve difficult things is more important, and helping with the tools of problem solving can help. After that I might ask him to go off alone and solve the same problem again, but come up with a different way to do it. Creativity is also important! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamashark Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 Off the top of my head I'd wonder if she's struggling with too much focus on getting things right & getting the correct answer & that's tipping into perfectionism. Are you checking her work and marking it? Because if so, I'd be tempted to stop. Just set a timer, let her work for a given period of time and leave it. Don't mark it or grade it. If she asks to find out if she got a question right, give her the answer key to check her own work. I do check her work. if I stopped, what would you do if you notice wrong answers that need to have additional instruction? Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamashark Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 I had this with one of mine and if I were dealing with a young one like this again, I'd be worried about this more & I'd be more proactive about addressing it. Sometimes these kids start hitting hard problems and conclude the testing was wrong and they're stupid and they quit. When things come easy to you for a long time, it can be a really hard transition to find things suddenly difficult. You have to be really conscious of the problem & how to promote a mindset of working hard & being ok with not knowing, not being first, not getting it right away..... Yes, I really have been focusing on this. We just finished the first mind benders book and while she blew through it, it was a great introduction to having to problem solve, get it wrong and try again. I plan on having her do the next two books in that series too. Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 I do check her work. if I stopped, what would you do if you notice wrong answers that need to have additional instruction? Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk well, you could do a couple things. 1. Nothing. She's 8. Everything will come around again in pretty much every curriculum. Also, are you expecting 100% ? 2. give her the answer key, tell her to mark things herself and if she doesn't know why something is wrong then let her ask you and you could reteach it 3. check the work later, not in front of her. Make a note of it if you actually identify a single concept that she's not getting. Work it into a lesson the following week. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamashark Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) well, you could do a couple things. 1. Nothing. She's 8. Everything will come around again in pretty much every curriculum. Also, are you expecting 100% ? 2. give her the answer key, tell her to mark things herself and if she doesn't know why something is wrong then let her ask you and you could reteach it 3. check the work later, not in front of her. Make a note of it if you actually identify a single concept that she's not getting. Work it into a lesson the following week. I don't expect 100%, I've gotten to where I accept correct concept but wrong answers if it is obvious that she knew what she was doing and the error was basic computation or handwriting. I figure I will work on handwriting separately. I like the idea of checking it later and working the concept back in later if it's needed. Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk Edited May 31, 2016 by mamashark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamashark Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 Related question, how do you teach organization on paper? If I talk her through a multi step word problem she gets it no problems, but if she does it on her own, she has trouble organizing the steps to find the right answer. Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThoughtfulMama Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Related question, how do you teach organization on paper? If I talk her through a multi step word problem she gets it no problems, but if she does it on her own, she has trouble organizing the steps to find the right answer. You can start by asked her to write down what facts she knows from the problem. Sometimes I also have him restate what the final goal question is. After that is usually comes together for him and sometimes I will ask similar leading questions to when we are doing mental math. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daijobu Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 I agree with PPs here. If she claims to not to know the answer, can you take her word for it, and lead her to the answer Socratically? I don't know what she's studying in math, but let's say it's long division. If she claims to not remember long division, you can review it again together, ad nauseum. "Well this looks like a long division problem. Do you remember how to do long division? No? Okay, let's review from the textbook. Now let's see how we can apply this algorithm to your current problem." Step through it again. If she can't do the next problem, ask her, "Well this looks like a long division problem. Do you remember how to do long division?" Do not be sarcastic; be sincere. Do not offer the answer, but offer to review the algorithm with her as many times as she needs. I'm guessing she'll tire of hearing how to do long division over and over again. And at best, with all this extra review, she'll never forget. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Around this age we began to make our house a safe schooling environment. Academics were NEVER discussed outside the house unless we were sure to be alone. Ds really did not like being the wierd nerd kid. As such, his friends had no idea where he was and just assumed they were in the same place. It has taken three full years, but he is okay being gifted now. He has eased up on himself and will really try. Before, I had to trick him and really work around extreme perfectionism and anxiety. His activism is starting to get a little iffy about talking to others, but no longer the gifted stuff. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.