New trend? People showing up early to social event

[gardenmom5]

are you in the city or more rural? 

 

I can understand a few minutes, if travel time is less than expected etc.,  or if for some reason they're afraid of arriving a minute late. . . .

 

My grandmother would *routinely* come more than an hour early. sometimes as much as three hours (or more) early.   growing up I thought it was normal.

she did it to me once on Christmas eve when we were hosting. she arrived by 1pm - dinner was at 5:30pm - I still had sewing for my children's Christmas presents to do.   I decided enough was enough and I went and shut myself in my sewing room and worked.

 

being able to look back on things with a bit more . . . patience? . . . I think she was just super board with her life, had no life of her own, and was eager to socialize.  (my grandfather was still alive, and she still lived in her own house.)

[marbel]

A couple of people asked about traffic, or if I lived rural or city.  We live in the suburbs, and 90% of the guests live within 15 minutes*, and had been to my house multiple times before, at various times - weekday evenings, Sunday afternoons, Saturday mornings. 

 

*So, they arrived at my house before they even had to leave their own house to get to the party on time! 

 

BTW it all worked out; everyone including me had a nice time and if anyone thought I was too rushed, or underdressed, they kept their mouths shut! :-)   

[heartlikealion]

Ugh! I would hate that. I am always cleaning or getting myself dressed before "show time."

 

We had ds' birthday party recently and I was stressed about guests arriving a little early (although it was at a venue) since they caught me in the middle of setting out items and dh was in the midst of picking up the pizza. "Can I help? Where is your dh?" and I'm thinking, "am I that late??" We were given a window of time to decorate the room and were frantically trying to get it done in time. I declined help as I already had someone from the venue helping me and we were almost done.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Huh. I was taught it is rude to be late. Very rude. As a result I tend to be early.

 

25 minutes is a bit earlier than I would want to show up, but I would not have expected the responses in this thread. Interesting.

 

Me too basically.  I mean sure an hour early would be kinda not so nice.  Someone might still be shoving junk into their closet.  :lol:   But some minutes early...

 

Hard to time it exactly.  Yes, I am that literal. 

Edited May 31, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn

[Murphy101]

I can be 15 minutes (usually not earlier, I'd wait in my car a bit if I was earlier than that) or can be 15 minutes late. I detest being late, so I'm usually 5-15 minutes early.

 

But this applies to being ready for company too. I'd be ready for company 15-20 minutes before they arrive whether I expected them to arrive early or not. Planning to be early allows some time forgiveness for the inevitable glitches that happen in life and I've always thought people should plan time accordingly to expect those things to happen.

[Tammyla]

Since so many arrived that early, my thought would be they read the invite as eating at the stated time.   That's just too many to think they were all early.

[PeterPan]

Yup, it was probably the invite.  I just had people over, and we specified arrive time and eat time.  So the arrive time is -ish and the eat time is more precise.  I usually do this so people can know how late they can be (coming from work, etc.) and still be appropriate.

Edited May 31, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[Bluegoat]

So - really this depends so much on local custom, and even custom within the social group you are meeting with.

 

Where I live, for adult-type parties, if the party starts at six you would normally expect people to arrive between 6:10 to about 6:20 or even 6:30.  Someone who showed up right on time would be a little precipitous. 

 

But I know in different cultures that varies quite widely, there are places where people expect you an hour or more later.  A friend of mine who was living in Africa went to a wedding where he arrived two days late (he had to drive over very bad terrain for several days to get there) and he was still early!

 

I know though at events with kids here, people are much more likely to start on time.  At family events often people with kids will be close to on time, whereas people without will show up later (and often stay later too.)

 

As for dinners - I agree with some above that wording can make a difference.  More formal invites often seem to say dinner at such and such a time, cocktails at a somewhat earlier time, the idea being you show up before dinner is seated.  But in a more casual invite, I can see how some might be unsure.

 

I think if a lot of people showed up early and that wasn't the local custom, there are a few possibilities.  One could be that it is random chance, but I would tend not to think so.  The other two I think of are they all belong to some sub-group where early is considered normative, or there was something unclear in the invitation.

 

 

[1GirlTwinBoys]

I won't show up at someone's home more than 5 mins early.  I would sit in my car nearby before I go in early and have done so many times.  BUT, I can not stand being late to anything. 

[Lawana]

Yup, it was probably the invite. I just had people over, and we specified arrive time and eat time. So the arrive time is -ish and the eat time is more precise. I usually do this so people can know how late they can be (coming from work, etc.) and still be appropriate.

This thread has been fascinating. I was always taught to never be early and 15 minutes or so late for social invitations, lest one be thought of as an "eager beaver". It stresses me no end to have anyone arrive even a few minutes early because I simply am not ready, based on my assumption that most everyone is following the above "rule".

 

In the future, I will issue invites with an arrive after time and an eat time. And strive to be ready at least 15 minutes before the arrive after time!

 

There are family members that do need to be told that events start 30 minutes earlier than they do in order to have a prayer of a chance that we can eat on time.

[marbel]

This is really interesting, seeing all the different perspectives.  The invitation was for a shower and said nothing about food.  People would assume that food would be served but that was not the focus.  I guess I can see if a dinner invitation said "dinner at 6pm" people might be early so they are ready to eat at 6 (though as I said before I have never experienced that in my adult life, in 3 very different states so can't assume it's a regional culture thing) but this was not an invitation to a meal.  

 

I'm not arguing, if I sound like it.  I'm learning. :-)   When there is food prep, there is likely to be a fair bit of last-minute work, and I like to have time to change my clothes.  I get sweaty in a hot kitchen.  But I will plan ahead for early arrivals in the future.  Just seems funny to me.  I am 60 years old, and have had a lot of company over those years.  You'd think I'd have experienced this before.  :-)

[PeterPan]

This thread has been fascinating. I was always taught to never be early and 15 minutes or so late for social invitations, lest one be thought of as an "eager beaver". It stresses me no end to have anyone arrive even a few minutes early because I simply am not ready, based on my assumption that most everyone is following the above "rule".

 

In the future, I will issue invites with an arrive after time and an eat time. And strive to be ready at least 15 minutes before the arrive after time!

 

There are family members that do need to be told that events start 30 minutes earlier than they do in order to have a prayer of a chance that we can eat on time.

 

LOL  You aren't supposed to be early for the arrive time.  It's more like the other person was saying about cocktail hour.  It's just making clear the window where you can socialize and be welcome.  People usually come closer to the eat time.  By specifying the firm eat time, people know when they're really late.  

 

When I show up way earlier, I know I'm a welcome person who is there to help and who is ok to see you grungy.  Or I've come a long way.  

 

 

This is really interesting, seeing all the different perspectives.  The invitation was for a shower and said nothing about food.  People would assume that food would be served but that was not the focus.  I guess I can see if a dinner invitation said "dinner at 6pm" people might be early so they are ready to eat at 6 (though as I said before I have never experienced that in my adult life, in 3 very different states so can't assume it's a regional culture thing) but this was not an invitation to a meal.  

 

I'm not arguing, if I sound like it.  I'm learning. :-)   When there is food prep, there is likely to be a fair bit of last-minute work, and I like to have time to change my clothes.  I get sweaty in a hot kitchen.  But I will plan ahead for early arrivals in the future.  Just seems funny to me.  I am 60 years old, and have had a lot of company over those years.  You'd think I'd have experienced this before.  :-)

 

Oh see I would be early for a shower like that, because I would assume the start time is when games start.  If you want to socialize and hang out, you'd come early.  So yes, 1/2 hour early would be pretty normal for that, I think.  It's just breaking the ice and mingling before the actual party starts.

[elegantlion]

I was always taught to arrive on time, perhaps 5 minutes early. I was taught that being late only draws attention to yourself - which I was taught was bad form unless the event was about you. Now, I'm the one sitting in the car a lot and that's fine. If an event is at someone's home, I generally arrive 5-10 minutes early and will wait in the car or drive around if no one else is there. For an event at another site, a little earlier then I also look for cars I know.

 

I generally won't be the first one in an event even if I'm the first car, so maybe that's why they all showed up early - so and so was there, so it's okay to go in. 

 

For events I host (rare anymore), I'm ready at least 15 minutes ahead of time and generally have some little jobs available if people arrive early and want to help. 

[marbel]

<snip>

 

 

Oh see I would be early for a shower like that, because I would assume the start time is when games start.  If you want to socialize and hang out, you'd come early.  So yes, 1/2 hour early would be pretty normal for that, I think.  It's just breaking the ice and mingling before the actual party starts.

 

LOL what you just wrote is completely foreign to me.  :-)

 

[Bluegoat]

I was always taught to arrive on time, perhaps 5 minutes early. I was taught that being late only draws attention to yourself - which I was taught was bad form unless the event was about you. Now, I'm the one sitting in the car a lot and that's fine. If an event is at someone's home, I generally arrive 5-10 minutes early and will wait in the car or drive around if no one else is there. For an event at another site, a little earlier then I also look for cars I know.

 

I generally won't be the first one in an event even if I'm the first car, so maybe that's why they all showed up early - so and so was there, so it's okay to go in. 

 

For events I host (rare anymore), I'm ready at least 15 minutes ahead of time and generally have some little jobs available if people arrive early and want to help. 

 

The difficulty is I think that "on time" does not always mean the time on the invitation.  In some situations or places arriving right at that time would be on time, in others it would be early.  If you don't know the custom, you are going to do the wrong thing and draw attention to yourself.

 

A lot seems to depend on the cultural attitude about time.

[heartlikealion]

I would not arrive early for a shower thinking that is the "game time" lol. I'm laughing for the same reason as marbel. This sounds so foreign to me. I wouldn't assume there are games at all, actually. Not every shower has games. I know it's popular to have games (how fast can you change a diaper, etc.) but I have been to a couple baby showers and they did not include games. I also remember a friend having a wedding shower and arriving early would not have been a good idea as she was still getting things ready. Even if I did expect games I wouldn't assume the other guests would show up early enough to warrant my early arrival.

 

ETA: I realize that showers are usually thrown by other people, but I don't remember all the specifics. At the wedding shower we did play a game and she gave prizes to everyone.

Edited May 31, 2016 by heartlikealion

[QueenCat]

My parents are always early. It drives me crazy. I don't care when they get to my house, but I know they are early to every single thing they attend. I just let them deal with the birthday parties and weddings, but every Christmas I remind my mom that it is better to be five minutes late than one minute early. She can't do it. I feel awful for the hosts, but they go to the same parties every year, so I guess the people are used to them. They are wonderful people- just early.

 

I'm fine with parents and family being early but we don't live close to them so if they're in the area to see us, they're not going to want to hang out in their hotel waiting for an event. And I wouldn't want them to. The kids take turns visiting them while I get ready for the event (those that can help do help).

[marbel]

I seem to have time to kill this morning, and/or this topic is super fascinating to me, so I went to US etiquette guru Emily Post:

 

 

Punctuality means different things to people in different locales. In general guests should arrive at or shortly after (fifteen minutes or less) the time stated on the invitation. Do not, however, arrive early. If you will be seriously late, call your host with an ETA so she won’t worry.

 

Since Emily Post might be old-fashioned, I checked out "The Muse," a site of which I'd never heard but that looks, I don't know, contemporary.  LOL.

 

 

Also remember that it’s never okay to be early to a shower (or dinner party, or cocktail hour), unless you’re part of the set-up crew. It puts more pressure on a host, as she’ll feel as if she needs to start entertaining while still finishing last-minute details before the party.

 

:-)

 

 

 

 

Edited May 31, 2016 by marbel

[Lawana]

The difficulty is I think that "on time" does not always mean the time on the invitation. In some situations or places arriving right at that time would be on time, in others it would be early. If you don't know the custom, you are going to do the wrong thing and draw attention to yourself.

 

A lot seems to depend on the cultural attitude about time.

Yes,cultural and type of event. In my world, a social invitation to someone's house, a party with planned activities, meeting someone for lunch, an organizational meeting and a doctor's appointment all have different definitions and expectations of "on time".

[QueenCat]

 

 

Oh see I would be early for a shower like that, because I would assume the start time is when games start.  If you want to socialize and hang out, you'd come early.  So yes, 1/2 hour early would be pretty normal for that, I think.  It's just breaking the ice and mingling before the actual party starts.

 

Foreign concept to me.......... I've been to many showers and they start at the time indicated on the invitation. I've never walked in at the designated time and found a bunch of people already there. Usually just the host and guest of honor are there early. Not the guests. Do most people show up early for showers where you live? Wondering if that's regional (I've lived in three distinct regions and haven't experienced that though).

[gardenmom5]

 

 

 

 

 the host has given a start time.    for a shower, the schedule planned by the host  (that would not be given to the guests) would include time for socializing prior to games starting.  the host knows what the schedule is, and people don't need to come early to "socialize" before any entertainment starts.  especially for an activity that is mostly socializing.

 

when a non-intimate (intimates being close enough the host can *EASILY* put them to work) comes 30 minutes early, it is just causing hassle for the host before the party actually starts.

Edited May 31, 2016 by gardenmom5

[elegantlion]

The difficulty is I think that "on time" does not always mean the time on the invitation.  In some situations or places arriving right at that time would be on time, in others it would be early.  If you don't know the custom, you are going to do the wrong thing and draw attention to yourself.

 

A lot seems to depend on the cultural attitude about time.

 

Most of the events I have been involved in, the invitation time was the time. In my area, it's also considered rude to waste people's time and events are expected to start within 15 minutes of stated time. 

 

I wonder how much of this variance in cultural attitude rolls over to homeschooling events? Those discussions are always fun too. ;)

[Happy]

I sometimes tell people if they arrive before such and such time, they will be helping with the vacuuming. It always gets a smile.

 

I'm an early or precisely on time gal. I figure someone has to be first at a gathering. I know I hate those 10-20 minutes after the official start time of a party I'm hosting before anyone arrives...waiting to see if everyone decided to go somewhere else. I love it when people start arriving. And...in recent years, I've started inviting a core group of friends to come earlier. Those are people I'd love a bit of one on one time with anyway. Now the house seems festive and fun from the first minutes of a gathering.

[gardenmom5]

 . I can't wrap my head around those who say early is rude. 

 

depends how early someone is.  five minutes, is still five minutes early.  30 minutes or an hour - is  inconveniencing the host and *is* rude.

 

dh gets testy when people are three minutes late - but he also wouldn't dream of being three minutes early.

[Bluegoat]

I am NEVER even one minute late, and I strive to be early. I can't wrap my head around those who say early is rude. Definitely this is not the case in my social circles. My whole life I've been taught (and learned through experience) that it is the late person who is rude.

 

Whenever I host something, I have the house and myself ready an hour prior to showtime. If nothing else, I can relax that last hour instead of being in a tizzy.

 

ETA: My whole life has been spent in military custom. It is the norm in the military to never be late and always be a little early. Our family mantra: "If you're not five minutes early, then you're late!"

 

Yes, within the military I find events are very likely to start on time, even when the local custom is different.  But it means the expectation for mixed or civilian events won't necessarily match.

[Bluegoat]

Foreign concept to me.......... I've been to many showers and they start at the time indicated on the invitation. I've never walked in at the designated time and found a bunch of people already there. Usually just the host and guest of honor are there early. Not the guests. Do most people show up early for showers where you live? Wondering if that's regional (I've lived in three distinct regions and haven't experienced that though).

 

Yes, I would agree - I would not be early to a shower.  I would not be as late as for a house party either.  I'd tend to arrive about five or ten min late, 15 at the outside.

[marbel]

depends how early someone is.  five minutes, is still five minutes early.  30 minutes or an hour - is  inconveniencing the host and *is* rude.

 

dh gets testy when people are three minutes late - but he also wouldn't dream of being three minutes early.

 

5 or so minutes either way wouldn't even occur to  me to be concerned simply because peoples' clocks can be slightly off.

 

I don't know how anyone can have everything ready 30 - 60 minutes ahead.  No matter how much I simplify, there are always a few things that can't be done till the last minute. 

[Xuzi]

Well, this has certainly been an eye-opening thread for me!

 

I can.not.stand being late. I'm in the "5 minutes early" camp of guests. And when I'm the host, I'm ready and haunting the windows 15-20 minutes before the stated start time, and start worrying that my party is going to be a total failure if 5, 10, 15 minutes go by and nobody has shown up yet. I had no idea that's what people considered to be "on time"! To me, that's wasted party time! :p

[QueenCat]

I am NEVER even one minute late, and I strive to be early. I can't wrap my head around those who say early is rude. Definitely this is not the case in my social circles. My whole life I've been taught (and learned through experience) that it is the late person who is rude.

 

Whenever I host something, I have the house and myself ready an hour prior to showtime. If nothing else, I can relax that last hour instead of being in a tizzy.

 

ETA: My whole life has been spent in military custom. It is the norm in the military to never be late and always be a little early. Our family mantra: "If you're not five minutes early, then you're late!"

 

5 minutes early is fine........... 30-60 is not!

[Bluegoat]

Most of the events I have been involved in, the invitation time was the time. In my area, it's also considered rude to waste people's time and events are expected to start within 15 minutes of stated time. 

 

I wonder how much of this variance in cultural attitude rolls over to homeschooling events? Those discussions are always fun too. ;)

 

I don't know, I think there are other factors at play with homeschoolers.

 

I don't know about wasting time - I suppose that may be part of it, but OTOH if people expect you to be late you are not wasting their time.

 

IME, North Americans are on-time people - that is, they come pretty close to the invitation time unless it is a drop-in event.  Some even might come a bit early, it seems.

 

But if you go to South America, you will find people come hours after the stated time.  Appointments and such, even at work, can be very late as well.

 

If my friend who was ealy at two days late is any indication, at least some parts of Africa also expect you to be later.

 

I don't know about the Indian sub-continent or farther east.  Or, Russia. 

 

No one really seems to be big on early.

[SquirrellyMama]

Could it be that they thought the meal/food was to be served at the time listed and therefore were a bit early so as to be ready to eat at the stated time?

 

If I invite someone for dinner at 6pm, dinner will be on the table ready to eat by 6pm. Food is going to get cold if people are late.

 

Kelly

 

[SquirrellyMama]

Well, this has certainly been an eye-opening thread for me!

 

I can.not.stand being late. I'm in the "5 minutes early" camp of guests. And when I'm the host, I'm ready and haunting the windows 15-20 minutes before the stated start time, and start worrying that my party is going to be a total failure if 5, 10, 15 minutes go by and nobody has shown up yet. I had no idea that's what people considered to be "on time"! To me, that's wasted party time! :p

 

This is me. I'm totally stressing out if people don't show up 5-10 minutes early. Kelly

 

[OneStepAtATime]

What is rude or socially unacceptable in one area or with one family may not be at all for another.  I think it unusual that that many people showed up that early if this is not what you have experienced in the past but maybe the fates were just lining up against you on that particular day.  

 

Where I live currently it is considered rude to show up early OR ON TIME.  You show up late so you aren't indicating you have nothing else to do.  You don't want to look idle.  It took me for.e.ver. to understand why I got weird looks and no one else had arrived if I got to an event on time.  Some show up a good hour or more late.  

 

If having anyone arrive early is going to be a no no, I have seen people put on the invitation, "Please no early arrivals".  Sometimes people have other commitments outside the house or whatever and won't even be home before a certain time.  I see nothing wrong with making it clear, in a polite way, that arriving early is a bad idea.  Just like if there were a sit down dinner I would explicitly state that on the invite.  List the start time of the event and also the time that dinner will be served (and give a cushion between the two since unexpected delays can and do happen).  And please don't bury the information in a ton of text and overexplanation.  

[happi duck]

We're ready for guests 30 minutes ahead of time. I might still be in the kitchen but it will be stuff that early guests could jump in and help with if they ask.

 

When attending we aim for right on time.

 

My two cents: you *can* say things to people! Direct =\= rude! (Unless you're mean about it)

[kewb]

I am chronically on time. If I arrive a half hour early I will wait in the car or go get a cup of coffee somewhere. I was taught that being late was the height of rudeness to your host. My friends all know I have an ontime problem and will tell me to come early and put me to work.

 

I find half an hour late incredibly rude.

 

I am always ready for guests 2 hours before my start time because I like to be able to relax before guests arrive.

 

My husband's family learned the hard way that when I say dinner at x time that means the food will be ready and we are eating at that time. I will start the meal without you.

 

That many people arriving early sounds unusual to me.

[Mbelle]

If I am serving dinner at a very specific time then I will tell guest the eating time and suggest they arrive about 30 min beforehand so they can mingle, chat and perhaps have appetizers and drink.   Yesterday we served lunch to good friends.  They arrived 5 min early..which we giggled about when they drove in, because this family always arrives early or ON TIME.  The husband is not from around here, so I'm guessing that is what he does where he's from.  Anyway, they arrived and we talked and had a drink while we did final touches to the food. This was casual, but if it weren't we would do the same thing, but move people out of the kitchen with appetizers sitting around our 2 social rooms and serve drinks.

[MrsWeasley]

When I host, I have a lot of anxiety waiting for guests, so I rather be early than late. However, almost a half an hour is excessive. If I realize I will be more than ten minutes early, I will drive around the neighborhood to kill time (and worry the host will notice and think I'm a weirdo).

[Mbelle]

For those of you who serve dinner at a specific time do you suggest people come early or do they just walk in and start eating within 5-10 min?  

 

I personally need some sort of segue between arriving and eating.  It makes my stomach hurt to think about it.  Also I need some conversational warm up too.  

 

 

[bibiche]

If I invite someone for dinner at 6pm, dinner will be on the table ready to eat by 6pm. Food is going to get cold if people are late.

 

Kelly

 

This is completely foreign to me! Well, first because I have never in my life eaten dinner at 6PM lol, but mainly because I have never entertained or been entertained without a fairly extended period of time for an aperitif. People arrive (after the time on the invitation!), they have drinks, nibbles, conversation before eventually making their way to the table.

 

Or do you mean that you expect people to arrive early in order to have the aperitif and conversation before dinner...? Either way, completely foreign to me. Honestly, I've never even heard of it before.

[ikslo]

So now I am sitting here wondering how many people on these boards are going to change their ways and start arriving late to things because of a thread on WTM.   :lol:  Not me.  I still say late is rude.  And Dinner at 6 means dinner at six (or whatever time the invite is for), unless otherwise specified.

 

Yes, too early is bad form unless it is an occasional "Whoops!," but I just can't get on board with being late.  (At least in this country.  :patriot: )  As the pp mentioned for the opposite POV, it is completely foreign to me.  I have never heard of people assuming dinner at 6 meant arrive late and eat later.  I guess I don't socialize enough.

[Mbelle]

Arriving 5-10 min "late'' is not late.  It's on time as apposed to ON TIME! LOL  Really, I do think it depends where you live.

 

[Annie G]

I hate being late- it makes me anxious. So I'd be the one sitting out front ten minutes early. And if I saw other people going in, I probably would, too.   

 

I think I hate being late because it might call attention to me and as a pretty extreme introvert, that would be awful. 

 

25 minutes early though? Even *I* wouldn't do that. Rude.  If I needed to go change or put makeup on I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. I'd tag someone to be the official greeter while I was away and go take care of that. 

[Bluegoat]

Another thing that I think can make a difference is if the event is at something like a rental facility.  If it is, the timings given will probably be less flexible in either direction.

[bibiche]

So now I am sitting here wondering how many people on these boards are going to change their ways and start arriving late to things because of a thread on WTM. :lol: Not me. I still say late is rude. And Dinner at 6 means dinner at six (or whatever time the invite is for), unless otherwise specified.

 

Now, if I were invited to someone's home for dinner and they immediately plunked me down at the dinner table I would feel very unwelcome. It would feel to me as if they felt some sort of obligation to have me there but were trying to get me in and out as soon as possible. Kind of like cattle being herded.

 

To me, it is so much more gracious when people arrive leisurely, have a drink leisurely, and then go to table. But dinner parties that I have or go to generally last several hours.

Edited May 31, 2016 by bibiche

[bibiche]

Arriving 5-10 min "late'' is not late. It's on time as apposed to ON TIME! LOL Really, I do think it depends where you live.

LOL In my book it is EARLY!

[ikslo]

Now, if I were invited to someone's home for dinner and they immediately plunked me down at the dinner table I would feel very unwelcome. It would feel to me as if they felt some sort of obligation to have me there but were trying to get me in and out as soon as possible. Kind of like cattle being herded.

 

To me, it is so much more gracious when people arrive leisurely, have a drink leisurely, and then go to table. But dinner parties that I have or go to generally last several hours.

 

But that is what I mean.  If dinner is at 6, I would arrive earlier, so as not to be arriving right when dinner is served.  I guess it depends on the wording.

 

Dinner party staring at 6 - probably not serving dinner right at 6 - I might call to clarify if no exact time for dinner stated.

Dinner will be served at 6 - I would expect guests to arrive earlier

Dinner party starting at 6, meal at 7:30 -  if you show to my house at 8 you will arrive to us already seated for dinner and I will brand you as rude if there was no car problem

[gardenmom5]

 

My husband's family learned the hard way that when I say dinner at x time that means the food will be ready and we are eating at that time. I will start the meal without you.

 

my grandmother - always AT LEAST an hour early, if not more (the record was several hours), would hold dinner for her favored people.  more than an hour once (she would have held it even longer if I hadn't complained *loudly*.  I was young).  she never forgave me for complaining about it, and telling her it was RUDE to the rest of us who were there ON TIME.

 

it is extremely rude for people to expect dinner to be held for them.  if I say 'we're eating at __', we'll be eating as soon as it is on the table.  we used to host thanksgiving -e.v.e.r.y. y.e.a.r. , until I finally got through to dh I needed a several yearS break.  (my stress level has slowly gone down in the years since we stopped).  dh would lie about what time dinner was, just to get his sisters here on time.  He refused to go to his sister's house for T ever again because ONE dish was not ready and on the table - so the entire meal was held for 30 minutes so the brussels sprouts - I think maybe two or three people out of thirty actually eat BS, could be prepared and cooked.  while the turkey, gravey, dressing, etc. all got cold.  thanksgiving with his family is still a sore subject for me . . .

 

For those of you who serve dinner at a specific time do you suggest people come early or do they just walk in and start eating within 5-10 min?  

 

I personally need some sort of segue between arriving and eating.  It makes my stomach hurt to think about it.  Also I need some conversational warm up too.  

I give a specific time I expect people to arrive.  sometimes it is "this is when we're eating".  if you want to sit down before everyone else is halfway through dinner, you'd better be here then.

other times, we socialize before sitting down.

 

if you need conversation before you can start eating - you will have attentive listeners as they are eating and you are talking.

Edited May 31, 2016 by gardenmom5

[SquirrellyMama]

This is completely foreign to me! Well, first because I have never in my life eaten dinner at 6PM lol, but mainly because I have never entertained or been entertained without a fairly extended period of time for an aperitif. People arrive (after the time on the invitation!), they have drinks, nibbles, conversation before eventually making their way to the table.

 

Or do you mean that you expect people to arrive early in order to have the aperitif and conversation before dinner...? Either way, completely foreign to me. Honestly, I've never even heard of it before.

 

So do you tell them come to earlier than 6 and dinner will be served at 6? I can't imagine people coming straight to the table when they walk in my house. Typically, when we go to someone's house, they'll have cocktails and appetizers, starting about an hour before they plan to serve the meal. We tend to operate the same way unless it's something more casual, like a cookout.

 

 

I've never served or been served an appertif :)

 

No, dinner invitations are for dinner, and then maybe coffee or dessert after.

 

The 6pm dinner is actually late dinner around here :)

 

Kelly

 

Edited May 31, 2016 by SquirrellyMama

[QueenCat]

If I invite someone for dinner at 6pm, dinner will be on the table ready to eat by 6pm. Food is going to get cold if people are late.

 

Kelly

 

 

So do you tell them come to earlier than 6 and dinner will be served at 6? I can't imagine people coming straight to the table when they walk in my house. Typically, when we go to someone's house, they'll have cocktails and appetizers, starting about an hour before they plan to serve the meal. We tend to operate the same way unless it's something more casual, like a cookout.

[SquirrellyMama]

Now, if I were invited to someone's home for dinner and they immediately plunked me down at the dinner table I would feel very unwelcome. It would feel to me as if they felt some sort of obligation to have me there but were trying to get me in and out as soon as possible. Kind of like cattle being herded.

 

To me, it is so much more gracious when people arrive leisurely, have a drink leisurely, and then go to table. But dinner parties that I have or go to generally last several hours.

 

I'm not trying to get people in and out quickly by serving dinner right away. We usually spend the hours after dinner having dessert, coffee, drinks, and playing games.

 

Kelly