New trend? People showing up early to social event

[marbel]

Yesterday I had a social event at my house, a brunch thing (so, late morning). Someone arrived 25 minutes early.  That was OK; she was bringing food and she is the type of person I can put to work.  And, she is the kind of person I could leave alone in the kitchen doing stuff while I changed out of "work" clothes.

 

But, right after she arrived, the doorbell kept ringing.  Everyone came early! Twenty minutes before show time, I was swept up in greeting people, finding drinks, and hurrying to get the food finished.  I am not kidding when I say that I glanced at the clock at one point and saw that at 4 minutes after the appointed time, every single invited guest was there.  My clocks are not off.

 

I never got to comb my hair, change my clothes, put on a touch of makeup.  People kept asking how they could help and I so wanted to say "next time, don't be so early."  Of course I did not.

 

Is this a backlash to "fashionably late?"

 

BTW I was dressed OK, but I'd wanted to put on fresh clothing after cooking and such on a hot day.  I wasn't in pajamas or anything like that.  I probably could have taken the <5 minutes to go change but it seemed awkward after the first 10 or so people arrived and coffee was still brewing, the doorbell was continually ringing, and people were asking me questions.

Edited May 31, 2016 by marbel

[mamiof5]

Yikes! It'd put me over the edge as I always get ready at last minute. If I'm going to be early I let the host know and offer to help.

How was the invitation sent? An evite? Paper? Word of mouth? Is there any way you could have gotten the wrong time and invited people half hr early? I am very spacey, if I don't check date and time many times I have a big chance of getting it wrong.

[Mbelle]

That's really tough on the host.  I try to be 5 to 10 min late to give a grace period to the host to relax or do something last minute.   

[Ausmumof3]

I hate it when people arrive early it's worse than late. Maybe they were hanging out in a group and someone asked when the event was and someone gave the wrong time or something.

[Laurie4b]

I was going to ask if it was possible that you had put an earlier time on the invitations. But maybe as Ausmom said they may have been hanging together and passed the word around. 

 

25 min before we have an event, we are still frantically cleaning. I would  :scared:  if guests came that early. 

[QueenCat]

That would drive me  batty....... I used to have a neighbor that would show up to every ladies night really early if it was being hosted in someone's home. Would drive us crazy. Really made people not want to host.

[rocassie]

Depends on how the invite is worded.  I find many of my guests like to show up (15-30min) before food is served.

[chicagoshannon]

Being late drives me bananas but I would never arrive 25 minutes early.  I tend to arrive up to 5 minutes early.  I figure if an event starts at a certain time that whatever thing is happening should start at that time not 15, 30, or even 45 minutes late.

Edited May 30, 2016 by chicagoshannon

[Forget-Me-Not]

I don't know, but I threw a baby shower a couple of weeks ago and experienced a similar phenomenon. It was very disconcerting.

[marbel]

The invitation (an evite) was clear.  I hadn't done the evite - it was a committee kind of thing, I was just hosting - but the time was clear.  I checked it myself several times to be sure I was ready on time!    It was a social event, not a meeting or anything, so I don't know that people would feel it was critical to arrive right on the dot.  I wouldn't have liked people to come 20 minutes late, either, but that would not have been as disruptive.

[Garga]

25 minutes!

 

I have arrived 5 minutes early or so to events, but not almost a full half hour! Yikes! I try to have everything done 10 minutes before the guests are scheduled to arrive so I can have a moment to breathe. I wouldn't like people to be there that early unless they were my super-bestest friends ever and they would actually jump in and help.

 

But I haven't had friends like that since before kids. After kids, my friendships all changed and we became boring people who don't just pop in to visit each other anymore and stay out late and do random things just because we're young and free. Oh well! Maybe when the kids turn 34 and finally move out of the house we can be young and free again. :)

Edited May 30, 2016 by Garga

[Eagle]

Most of the people I know arrive early like that, and some bring things like cut flowers that I need to do something with immediately. I appreciate the thought, but it is rather disruptive to be trying to find a vase and open the wrapping and get water while I am also trying to answer the door for other guests. I have learned with some groups I need to be fully ready fifteen minutes earlier.

[marbel]

Most of the people I know arrive early like that, and some bring things like cut flowers that I need to do something with immediately. I appreciate the thought, but it is rather disruptive to be trying to find a vase and open the wrapping and get water while I am also trying to answer the door for other guests. I have learned with some groups I need to be fully ready fifteen minutes earlier.

 

I was taught a long time ago never, ever to take cut flowers to someone except in a vase.  I have kept cheap vases around ever since for that purpose.  Sometimes people bring the vase back after the flowers have faded though I never really intend for them to do that.  Extra nice when they bring it filled with flowers!

 

[Ausmumof3]

Most of the people I know arrive early like that, and some bring things like cut flowers that I need to do something with immediately. I appreciate the thought, but it is rather disruptive to be trying to find a vase and open the wrapping and get water while I am also trying to answer the door for other guests. I have learned with some groups I need to be fully ready fifteen minutes earlier.

Yep! Flowers with no vase is such a pain! I like the idea of leaving a 15 minute buffer.

[Arcadia]

We are at most 10mins early. We'll just circle the block if we are too early reaching the venue.

 

The only time I am about 30mins early is when the event is for my extended family and I am early to keep an eye on the young relatives so the parents of the young kids can chat too.

[Laurie4b]

The invitation (an evite) was clear.  I hadn't done the evite - it was a committee kind of thing, I was just hosting - but the time was clear.  I checked it myself several times to be sure I was ready on time!    It was a social event, not a meeting or anything, so I don't know that people would feel it was critical to arrive right on the dot.  I wouldn't have liked people to come 20 minutes late, either, but that would not have been as disruptive.

 

Wow. If there was not a mistake,  I think that is incredibly rude.

 

If I arrive somewhere early, I sit in the car and wait until 5 min or so after the invitation said. No way would I go to the house early.

 

The invitation time starting means to me the time the hostess is planning on receiving guests, so to arrive early is to arrive unexpectedly while she is likely trying to prep. 

[Mbelle]

I think it depends on the event type.  First of all I would not show up early at someones house ever.  If it's a concert, theater etc... then yes I would show up early to get to the bathroom and find my seats with time to relax before the show.  However, at someones home then if I'm invited to dinner or bbq or what have you I will show up 5-10 min late.  If it's a baby shower, bridesmaid luncheon etc..then I would not show up more than 5 min late, but I would sit in my car if I arrived early or drive around the block a few times.  I do think polite arrival times vary by geographic location or even culture.  I showed up 45 min late once and I was so embarrassed, but the host was Brazilian and it turned out we were the first people to arrive and they thought we were early. LOL 

[teachermom2834]

Growing up my parents had us everywhere really early. We would totally show up 30 minutes early for a dinner invite, sometimes maybe earlier. I have no idea why???

 

I didn't realize how rude it was until I was an adult. I am sure I did it a few times myself. So embarrassing!!!!

 

But for everyone to arrive early? That is strange. In my circles it would be odd to have everyone present before 30 minutes past invite time.

[marbel]

I think it depends on the event type.  First of all I would not show up early at someones house ever.  If it's a concert, theater etc... then yes I would show up early to get to the bathroom and find my seats with time to relax before the show.  However, at someones home then if I'm invited to dinner or bbq or what have you I will show up 5-10 min late.  If it's a baby shower, bridesmaid luncheon etc..then I would not show up more than 5 min late, but I would sit in my car if I arrived early or drive around the block a few times.  I do think polite arrival times vary by geographic location or even culture.  I showed up 45 min late once and I was so embarrassed, but the host was Brazilian and it turned out we were the first people to arrive and they thought we were early. LOL 

 

Oh, I always show up well before curtain time for a movie, theater performance, etc.  But those are businesses and once the doors are open, people are welcome to arrive.  Totally different at someone's home!

 

[Spryte]

Aaack! That is early. I tend to the 5-10 min late side.

 

Though, ahem, recently DH was the one to receive the evite to niece and nephew's bday party. Yep, I'm throwing him under the bus. We arrived 10 mins late (we thought) to a house with no cars in the driveway. We were TWO HOURS early. I could have just died, I was so embarrassed. We walked in right as they were sitting down to lunch, and finishing up decorating. Ugh!

[MomtoCandJ]

I usually show up early but if more than 5-10 minutes early, I will sit in my car. I tend to be early because we live outside of town and just about everything is in town. I never know what traffic I will encounter (tractors, the Amish, lost tourists...)

[school17777]

I had someone do that once when I was hosting a breakfast for church. I had just started to mop the floor, and she complained about getting her socks wet because the floor was wet. I had it planned so the floor would be dry by the time guests started arriving and I wanted to say well, if you hadn't of come early, that wouldn't have happened! I am usually flying upstairs about 5 minutes before "party time" to put my make-up on, change, fix hair, etc... I don't not like people to come early, unless I know they won't mind jumping in and helping without a lot of direction from me.

 

I also hosted a weekly Bible Study on Wednesday evenings. I dropped off my kids at Awana minutes before the study was supposed to start every week, so I only had those minutes in the house to straighten up without kids. I instructed everyone to just walk in when they got there (not to ring the doorbell or knock). One lady insisted on knocking on the door and waiting until I answered each week. I reminded her every week to just walk in next time, but she never did. And, she came a few minutes early every week - the only few minutes that I had to straighten up. It was very frustrating. It made me feel very annoyed with her, and she wasn't the type that you could ask to jump in and help. She would be more than willing to do anything that you asked of her, but she would have a million questions about it before she would do it, so not very helpful.

[Seasider]

That happened to me last time I hosted a holiday meal, a fancy-style dinner. I was really stressed by it, like you, had no time to make the change, too many "helpers" crowding the kitchen for me to put finishing touches on things, then too much help clearing the table after (one person cleared *everything* so I had to wash and replace glassware), making other guests feel rushed and awkward.

 

I'm not sure how to curtail this next time around but there is one couple that won't be invited next time! Not to be mean, we will just get together with them at a different time under different circumstances.

[Guest]

That happens to me a lot, because we tend to meet sometime after church and a lot of people live a long ways away...so they have to hang out and then come to our party.  Well, sometimes they jump the gun.  By a couple of HOURS.  I just put them to work or send them out on a walk if it is a pretty day.  I know that this wouldn't work with all friends, but it does with ours.  And if I need to change, I do so.  They can entertain themselves for THAT long.  :0)  

 

But I also do know how irritating it can be. 

 

 

[marbel]

That happened to me last time I hosted a holiday meal, a fancy-style dinner. I was really stressed by it, like you, had no time to make the change, too many "helpers" crowding the kitchen for me to put finishing touches on things, then too much help clearing the table after (one person cleared *everything* so I had to wash and replace glassware), making other guests feel rushed and awkward.

 

I'm not sure how to curtail this next time around but there is one couple that won't be invited next time! Not to be mean, we will just get together with them at a different time under different circumstances.

 

Oh, don't get me started on people wanting to help me clean up when I'm not ready for it.  I don't do any more than is absolutely necessary till all the guests are gone. 

 

That happens to me a lot, because we tend to meet sometime after church and a lot of people live a long ways away...so they have to hang out and then come to our party.  Well, sometimes they jump the gun.  By a couple of HOURS.  I just put them to work or send them out on a walk if it is a pretty day.  I know that this wouldn't work with all friends, but it does with ours.  And if I need to change, I do so.  They can entertain themselves for THAT long.  :0)  

 

But I also do know how irritating it can be. 

 

This I understand too.  In another life, we had frequent after-church lunches and people would sometimes get to my house before I did.  Or, people would stay until it was time to go to evening service, if they lived too far away to go home in between.  Those are a little easier for me to take because there was a reason for it.  it's not so random.  :-)

[zoobie]

So rude! Sit in your car, people!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh dear, well I'm famous for arriving early.  I can't be late.  It just makes me crazy if I'm late. That early I'd probably wait in my car.  Well especially now that I know I might upset someone.  I had no idea.

 

 

[Ottakee]

Could it be that they thought the meal/food was to be served at the time listed and therefore were a bit early so as to be ready to eat at the stated time?

[Harriet Vane]

Wow. If there was not a mistake,  I think that is incredibly rude.

 

If I arrive somewhere early, I sit in the car and wait until 5 min or so after the invitation said. No way would I go to the house early.

 

The invitation time starting means to me the time the hostess is planning on receiving guests, so to arrive early is to arrive unexpectedly while she is likely trying to prep. 

:iagree:  :iagree:  :iagree:

 

 

Arriving early is unbelievably rude. 

 

Years ago, we agreed to host some visiting missionaries in our home overnight. The showed up a full FORTY MINUTES early. We were not dressed. We had just gotten to the stage where the house was almost done. I was set to get the meal actually cooking (stuff was mostly prepped and it was time to get it together). We were still dashing around in the pre-party frenzy. I was wearing baggy, horrible sweats and dh was in his unshaven, unshowered, raggedy houseclothes glory. We were hideously embarrassed. Dh went up to shower and shave while I chatted with them in my ghastly sweats. Then dh came down and I went up to do a quick 5-minute fix-up and change into something more presentable. We actually had a lovely time together, but I was soooooooooo unnerved and embarrassed. 

 

To this day, I make sure I am changed and presentable a full hour before guests come because of that awful day.

 

If I arrived that early somewhere, I would take the kids to a nearby park or get a cup of tea somewhere or browse at a bookstore. 

 

I don't even like it when people are five minutes early, but that's do-able. 25 minutes early is rude rude rude.

[marbel]

Could it be that they thought the meal/food was to be served at the time listed and therefore were a bit early so as to be ready to eat at the stated time?

 

I don't know.  Maybe? I've never interpreted an invitation that way.  Not that my interpretation is the standard, LOL, but all my adult life I've arrived around the stated time (or later if I knew the hosts were people who expected guests to arrive later) and never has anyone rushed me to the dining table to start eating immediately. 

 

I've lived here for 9 years so I don't think it's a regional custom thing that I'm unaware of.   From time to time I've had a person or two arrive early, but this is the first time the entire crowd did it.

 

I don't like to be late, either.  My father taught me never to be late; in fact he said that I was late to appointments if I wasn't ten minutes early. But he was talking about business or medical appointments, not social things. 

 

 

[Guest]

That's really tough on the host. I try to be 5 to 10 min late to give a grace period to the host to relax or do something last minute.

I did not know this until pretty recently in my life, but this is what my etiquette coach friend says. I always strive to be ON TIME; not early, not late. If anything, err towards a few minutes late.

 

My mother was fanatically punctual, but she is notiriously early. I did not realize how annoying the TOO early is before my friend said something about it, at which point, it sort of dawned on me that that is really annoying.

 

My friend said in an invitation: "Don't be late, cuz we won't wait, but don't be early, cuz I'll be in a flurry!"

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well super super early yeah, but I come across people who want you to be late.  Why say X time if you don't mean x time?  Especially if food is served. 

[Guest]

Oh dear, well I'm famous for arriving early. I can't be late. It just makes me crazy if I'm late. That early I'd probably wait in my car. Well especially now that I know I might upset someone. I had no idea.

As I said, I did not know this previously, either, but it makes sense. I have taken to pulling off to a side-road or something if I'm almost at my destination and it is early.

 

ETA: I said "side-toad". Not sure what that is!

Edited May 31, 2016 by Quill

[Junie]

Oh dear, well I'm famous for arriving early.  I can't be late.  It just makes me crazy if I'm late. That early I'd probably wait in my car.  Well especially now that I know I might upset someone.  I had no idea.

 

This is me, too.   :leaving:

[ikslo]

Huh. I was taught it is rude to be late. Very rude. As a result I tend to be early.

 

25 minutes is a bit earlier than I would want to show up, but I would not have expected the responses in this thread. Interesting.

[lmrich]

Do you live in area with lots of traffic usually? Maybe that could be a reason - no traffic. 

 

But if I arrive early, I wait in the car until someone else arrives.

[marbel]

Well super super early yeah, but I come across people who want you to be late.  Why say X time if you don't mean x time?  Especially if food is served. 

 

I will sometimes tell people something like "come anytime after x; we will eat dinner at about y (which would probably be about 30 - 45 minutes after the arrival time).  I think people like to know what to expect. 

 

I think it's interesting that several people are surprised to learn that some of us think it's a bit rude to be early.  Those of you who arrive early - when you have guests, when are you ready in relation to the invitation time?  Like, if you invite people to arrive at 6:00, are you ready for company at 5:00, 5:30, or ?   I'm just curious, not arguing with you. 

 

It is interesting though.  I don't remember a time in my life when I thought it was OK to arrive at someone's home before the time stated when they invited me.

 

 

[J-rap]

I have an aunt and uncle who show up consistently an hour early for everything, but otherwise, that doesn't seem to happen much in my world! 

[Junie]

I will sometimes tell people something like "come anytime after x; we will eat dinner at about y (which would probably be about 30 - 45 minutes after the arrival time).  I think people like to know what to expect. 

 

I think it's interesting that several people are surprised to learn that some of us think it's a bit rude to be early.  Those of you who arrive early - when you have guests, when are you ready in relation to the invitation time?  Like, if you invite people to arrive at 6:00, are you ready for company at 5:00, 5:30, or ?   I'm just curious, not arguing with you. 

 

It is interesting though.  I don't remember a time in my life when I thought it was OK to arrive at someone's home before the time stated when they invited me.

 

Most of the time that I've been invited to someone's house, it has been for an event such as a birthday party, Bible study, Pampered Chef shindig, etc.  I always assumed that the time on the invitation was the time that whatever was supposed to start -- which to me means that all guests should (if possible) be at the place no later than the time on the invitation.

 

When we have guests coming over, we do a furious clean until the first guest arrives and consider it good enough.  The kids are usually peeking out the window or jumping up and down at the door, probably for about 30 minutes before the party is to get started.

[catz]

I can see wording being an issue.  To me "lunch served at 12 pm" means to show up before that and expect to have yourself seated and passing food at noon.  I actually am not a huge fan of invites like that.

 

I think it's totally rude if the invite was clear on time (i.e. Join me for lunch at 1 pm ETA - and I might add, we'll eat around 1:30).  Even food lady, I'd want a heads up someone would be ringing my door bell early or I might not be dressed.  Don't ring my doorbell before 1 pm! 

Edited May 31, 2016 by WoolySocks

[Junie]

I have an aunt and uncle who show up consistently an hour early for everything, but otherwise, that doesn't seem to happen much in my world! 

 

I had an aunt and uncle who showed up consistently an hour late for everything! :)

 

One time, my mom had invited them for dinner at 5:00*.  The time came and went.  And hour came and went.  It turns out that they didn't even leave their house until 5:00 -- and they lived 3 hours away!  :svengo:

 

This was before cell phones, but they could have called us from their house phone at 5:00 to say "We're just now leaving...".

 

 

 

*I made up the time because I couldn't remember.

 

 

ETA:  I think this is why we were always early to everything.  Even though my uncle had a Ph.D., my dad, with his high school diploma, could get to places on time.  This was a huge matter of pride for him.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Junie

[ikslo]

I'm usually ready ahead of time. I wouldn't want or expect people to sit in their car just because the traffic was lighter than expected, or it was their first time over and they allowed for time in case they got lost. If they are friends or family (the only way you would get an invite to my house in the first place), I would hope you would ring the bell when you got there. Apologize for being early if you must for your own benefit, whatever.

 

But if I am sitting around waiting for you because you want to be "fashionable" - Ain't nobody got time for that! (J/k. Actually, I probably wouldn't care about that either!)

[Tanaqui]

In some places it's more mannerly to show up early - to show up at the specified time is like saying "I'm here for the food". Of course, I assume that if you've lived in this place a long time you'd know if that's what the local custom is...?

[Guest]

I will sometimes tell people something like "come anytime after x; we will eat dinner at about y (which would probably be about 30 - 45 minutes after the arrival time). I think people like to know what to expect.

 

I think it's interesting that several people are surprised to learn that some of us think it's a bit rude to be early. Those of you who arrive early - when you have guests, when are you ready in relation to the invitation time? Like, if you invite people to arrive at 6:00, are you ready for company at 5:00, 5:30, or ? I'm just curious, not arguing with you.

 

It is interesting though. I don't remember a time in my life when I thought it was OK to arrive at someone's home before the time stated when they invited me.

I don't think it is rude, probably because this was how I was raised. I just think it is ignorant. I was taught to never, ever, ever be late, so I always build in a decent time buffer to account for traffic or other weirdness. But I never realized that the proper way to off set this earliness is to pull over and wait so as to not be early.

 

One of my SILs has (to me) a very strange idea of what time a dinner starts. She has said before that to her, if she says, "We'll have dinner at 6:30," she means that at 6:30, food is going ON the table. I never really did know what that means in terms of when she would like people to arrive. Sidebar: historically, she is very anxious and stressed out when she is hosting a dinner/party at her house. I remember one time when she kept trying to flush everyone out of the kitchen (where there was a shrimp appetizer), by offering that there were pretzels in the basement.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I live outside of town, so it's typical for me to be early (the farther away the address, the earlier I am).  I would never ring the doorbell more than five minutes early.  I sit in my car and check my e-mail or something.  The only exception would be if it were my bff, and I was coming early to help, but that would be pre-arranged.  

[mmasc]

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

 

Arriving early is unbelievably rude.

 

Years ago, we agreed to host some visiting missionaries in our home overnight. The showed up a full FORTY MINUTES early. We were not dressed. We had just gotten to the stage where the house was almost done. I was set to get the meal actually cooking (stuff was mostly prepped and it was time to get it together). We were still dashing around in the pre-party frenzy. I was wearing baggy, horrible sweats and dh was in his unshaven, unshowered, raggedy houseclothes glory. We were hideously embarrassed. Dh went up to shower and shave while I chatted with them in my ghastly sweats. Then dh came down and I went up to do a quick 5-minute fix-up and change into something more presentable. We actually had a lovely time together, but I was soooooooooo unnerved and embarrassed.

 

To this day, I make sure I am changed and presentable a full hour before guests come because of that awful day.

 

If I arrived that early somewhere, I would take the kids to a nearby park or get a cup of tea somewhere or browse at a bookstore.

 

I don't even like it when people are five minutes early, but that's do-able. 25 minutes early is rude rude rude.

I just want to say that your description of you and your DH was absolutely hilarious! I laughed out loud over 'ghastly sweats.' Then I laughed again typing it. :) Edited May 31, 2016 by mmasc

[J-rap]

I had an aunt and uncle who showed up consistently an hour late for everything! :)

 

One time, my mom had invited them for dinner at 5:00*.  The time came and went.  And hour came and went.  It turns out that they didn't even leave their house until 5:00 -- and they lived 3 hours away!  :svengo:

 

This was before cell phones, but they could have called us from their house phone at 5:00 to say "We're just now leaving...".

 

 

 

*I made up the time because I couldn't remember.

 

 

ETA:  I think this is why we were always early to everything.  Even though my uncle had a Ph.D., my dad, with his high school diploma, could get to places on time.  This was a huge matter of pride for him.

 

That's so funny!  You wonder what people are even thinking when they are an hour early or an hour late consistently...

[Jan in SC]

My parents are always early. It drives me crazy. I don't care when they get to my house, but I know they are early to every single thing they attend. I just let them deal with the birthday parties and weddings, but every Christmas I remind my mom that it is better to be five minutes late than one minute early. She can't do it. I feel awful for the hosts, but they go to the same parties every year, so I guess the people are used to them. They are wonderful people- just early.

[bibiche]

Wow, I can't even imagine! In my circle it would be extremely bad form to arrive less than a quarter hour *after* the time given. If you arrive early you walk around the block or something.

 

I think it is exceedingly rude to arrive early and as a hostess I would be unhappy if someone arrived earlier than 10-15 minutes after the time appointed.

[Emba]

I am kind of glad that other people think this is rude, too.  I usually try to be at a place no more than 5 minutes before or after the time stated on the invitation.  My DH's family, on the other hand, tends toward early.  One of his grandmas, when she says "Dinner at 12" means, we are sitting down at 12 an not a minute later to eat.  The other set of grandparents arrived to my house at least 45 minutes early one time, while I was still rushing around crazy in the kitchen.  I looked out the window and couldn't believe it.  I think they wandered around our driveway for about ten minutes before they couldn't stand it anymore and knocked on the door.  I was SO irritated.

 

My brother on the other hand... If we say dinner starts at 1:00, he may not get there till 3:00.  Which is its own brand of rude.