Jump to content

Menu

How to build up stamina for life?


Recommended Posts

It feels like my 9 year old needs to build stamina for life in general? What can I do to help him with that? How do we get there?

 

He would prefer to be on a screen all day long. Otherwise, he would just lie down all day long on the sofa. Whenever I suggest something, I get a "meh" sort of response. I've tried all sorts of things, but nothing has stuck unless I made him do something. He almost consistently chooses to do nothing.

 

Help!!?!??!

 

And about the screen thing, I'v tried both extremes and have had no luck either way. For a 6 month period, I let him be on it all day. He never got tired of it. And I've tried not letting him on it at all. He will usually do nothing then for hours, often falling asleep out of boredom. Right now, we are doing limited screens. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My DS10 is similar. Being the second born doesn't help as he can just tag along on whatever oldest wants to do.

 

What help was lots of free physical activities like running at the short jogging track behind our home, lots of walking.

 

If it is a bad weather day and I can't let him jump at home because I have upstairs and downstairs neighbors, he has to choose between reading, more school work, help me clean the kitchen, if he can't think of anything to do. If he is doing nothing, he gets a chore.

 

He does sit around and watch birds or watch his brother play, or just sit around for 10-15mins between tasks. It is when it goes longer than 15mins and he is not tired or sick then I get his butt moving.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dont suggest things to do.

 

Go do things, yourself, and make him come along.

 

This includes chores and out of the house activities.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We focused on categories of routines.  By that, I mean, we had some routines around self care, and school but we also had some routines around free time.  There was some choice but it was more limited for a child that young.  So for free time they had to choose between legos, art or finding something on DIY.org, for example.  Lying on the couch the whole time was not an option. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think he hasn't build up his ability to self entertain. Which is why it end up being screens or do nothing.

 

If you have chores to do, make him your helper.

 

My DS10 took years to go from expecting to be entertained all the time to being able to find something to do when bored like doodling, legos, gardening, feeding the fishes.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think he sleeps well at night. He doesn't fall asleep right away when he lies down, but after an hour or so! And it is not all the time either. Sometimes he flops down on the couch and eventually rolls down to the floor to stare at the ceiling some more. :-D

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've wondered on and off about depression. I think a visit to the doctor is in order.

 

Every once in a while he will pick up a book, but it's rare and it's only if he has a certain book handy like Calvin and Hobbes or Amulet. And sometimes he'll mess around with one of his brothers, but these are exceptions rather than the norm.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Getting him out of the house is easy. He likes that most of the time. And he likes to interact so if I suggest a game, he will play it happily, but I am tired at the end of the day and don't always want to be interacting!

 

 

I think then that I would focus on getting him in way more activities. Some kids really need to be with others lots so I'd get him in clubs and swimming lessons and story time at the library etc etc etc. Give him at least 1-2 activities out of the house each day - not just tagging along with siblings or running errands but actual real enriching activities. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

He sounds like a 9-year-old boy who has gotten used to looking at a screen all day. If he just wants to sit there when nothing is going on, I don't see anything wrong with it. Not everyone is meant to be going all day, every day. Some kids are way more active than others - my friend's boys are crazy compared to my laid back boys.

 

If he wants to play tablet/watch tv/play video games, make him earn it. It's all about motivation at this age. If he knows he'll get time on a screen, he'll get up and do something. We tell our boys they have to do what needs to be done before they get to do what they want to do. Take a family walk, go to the park, don't make it an option to not participate. 2 hours playing at the park (really playing, not sitting on a bench) gets him 2 hours of screen time. We don't go all the time. I can't imagine only being allowed to sit for 15 minutes at a time.

 

I have one son that takes awhile to get to sleep at night - he's a lot like me, I stay up until the wee hours often. We let him read as long as he wants, he stops when he can't keep his eyes open. He's not an avid reader, he just reads at night because it's better than just sitting there looking at the ceiling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you are tired at the end of the day, I have to ask, who is supervising him during the day? That is who should be getting him outside. I spent most of my kids' childhood taking them outside during they day, especially the summer. If I was working full time, I could not have done that at the end of the day. Can you put him in  an active day camp?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can you run a blood panel just to rule out any thyroid issues or other things that might lead to low energy levels?  I can't even picture my 9yo falling asleep on the couch out of boredom.  Does he sleep well at night?  

 

 

Yeah, I'd be looking at a doctor's visit to do some basic check-up type things.

 

 

 

 

I was thinking have a doctor check him out, too.  Thyroid came to mind, as did chronic constipation.  My dd suffered the latter problem for the first five years of her life, largely undetected.  When it was discovered and corrected, I suddenly realized her lack of energy (sitting all day, very low activity level or stamina) was not just a personality trait.  She's a different kid now... boundless energy.  

 

There may not be a medical cause, but it's worth ruling out, I think.  

Edited by Lotsoflittleducklings
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Staring at screens all day, bored, listless, no energy, no motivation, and difficulty with sleep schedules would be how my own depression manifested when I was about that age.

 

Whether depression or something medical, I would definitely prioritize a doctor's visit.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you are tired at the end of the day, I have to ask, who is supervising him during the day? That is who should be getting him outside. I spent most of my kids' childhood taking them outside during they day, especially the summer. If I was working full time, I could not have done that at the end of the day. Can you put him in  an active day camp?

 

She's probably tired at the end of the day from playing with and engaging with him all day long, because he won't do things on his own.  

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am a stay at home mom. I'm tired at the end of the day because I do have them in several activities. We school in the mornings and early afternoons. We usually have activities every afternoon unless it is a co-op day, then we are out of the house by 11. If I engage him all day, I just get no time to myself. I even have full time help, but being with the kids all day is exhausting. I am not complaining, but I do appreciate some "me" time in the evenings. And that "me" time is usually worrying about them or planning for them. :-)

 

I will take him to a doctor, because sometimes when we are out, I can tell that he is just done and tired.

 

Not doing an activity or staying home is not an option. The weather here is horrific at the moment so going outside to play is not an option. Our treadmill broke and it will be a couple of weeks before he can get on that again. Argh! This house is filled with things to do though, he just chooses not to do them.

 

I am not trying to micromanage his time all day. This is a consistent issue that I have had with him no matter how the day has been. If we have been home or out all day, he chooses to do nothing. 

 

Thanks for all the suggestions. I tried to answer everything that was asked. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am a stay at home mom. I'm tired at the end of the day because I do have them in several activities. We school in the mornings and early afternoons. We usually have activities every afternoon unless it is a co-op day, then we are out of the house by 11. If I engage him all day, I just get no time to myself. I even have full time help, but being with the kids all day is exhausting. I am not complaining, but I do appreciate some "me" time in the evenings. And that "me" time is usually worrying about them or planning for them. :-)

 

I will take him to a doctor, because sometimes when we are out, I can tell that he is just done and tired.

 

Not doing an activity or staying home is not an option. The weather here is horrific at the moment so going outside to play is not an option. Our treadmill broke and it will be a couple of weeks before he can get on that again. Argh! This house is filled with things to do though, he just chooses not to do them.

 

I am not trying to micromanage his time all day. This is a consistent issue that I have had with him no matter how the day has been. If we have been home or out all day, he chooses to do nothing. 

 

Thanks for all the suggestions. I tried to answer everything that was asked. 

 

If you can rule out a medical condition or depression after a ped visit, then...

 

- Have him make a list of things around the house he can do for fun.

- Help him make a list of things he can do around the house to help (chores)

- Give him a set "nap" time where he has permission to lay still and do nothing.  Outside of this nap time, he needs to being doing something from the first list.  If he can't think of anything, give him something from the second list. 

- Require a set amount of physical activity each day.  You can look for free exercise videos on youtube until the treadmill is fixed.  You can also google for ways to "work out" using a deck of cards (usually each suit is a type of exercise, and the number on the card is the number of times to repeat it.  So, for example, 5 of hearts might mean five jumping jacks, 7 of spades might me 7 pushups, etc.  Start out with only 10 cards or so chosen at random and work him up to doing more)

- Decide how much time you can devote to one-on-one entertainment of this child, and stick to it.  That will be your special time to play a board game, read aloud, chat, or whatever your own traditions are with this child.  Honestly, for our family, being able to give even 15 minutes would be very generous for a daily one-on-one time.  (My kids get additional evening one-on-one time with both me and DH, but during the day, it would be rare if I could accord more than 15 minutes of true alone time with each child) (All that to say, don't be afraid to make the time short.  Be realistic, and be kind to yourself)  Consider giving the same amount of time to your other boys, or rotating boys throughout the week for a slightly longer one-on-one time.  

 

Make sure he is eating healthy foods, try to up the exercise gradually until he is able to fall asleep within 20 minutes of going to bed.  

 

Best of luck!  I absolutely understand and agree that SAHMs are allowed to be tired by the end of the day, especially if you are spending a good portion of the day dragging one or more kids backwards through a knothole to get them to do anything.  :-)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wii Fit is a great way for exercise especially the running and cycling games. It seems like he needs rigorous exercise IMHO everyday. As for activities what about assigning him great classical books to read and he could do it with kindle immersion reading if need be where he would read and listen to professional narration at same time. Or how about an activity with his father if available? Or there is Mark Kistler's online art lessons:

https://www.homeschoolbuyersco-op.org/mark-kistler-online/?c=1

 

Or have him take piano or string lessons and have him practice when you are tired? Or how about have him do scratch computer programming online or some other programming when you are tired? or watch educational shows like Brain Pop? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wanted to add that you will probably have to micromanage as you say and assign him activities to do. I see nothing wrong with that and think it is normal to have to give a lot of direction to kids. I do agree with severely limiting screen time except for fun educational activities online like scratch and art lessons online and Wii Fit

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can you run a blood panel just to rule out any thyroid issues or other things that might lead to low energy levels?  I can't even picture my 9yo falling asleep on the couch out of boredom.  Does he sleep well at night?  

 

This.  A friend of mine's daughter was like this. She eventually stopped growing. After years of testing, they eventually determined she has Hashimoto's thyroiditis.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am worried about him, too.

 

How long did you try no screens? You said 6 months with screens, but did you try equally as long without?

 

My son would do the lie around doing nothing like that to "prove" he really had nothing to do and make me change my mind. If I gave in with screens or attention, he would keep at it.

 

I think if he is truly falling asleep then he either is really not getting enough sleep (any chance he's sneaking on screens in the middle of the night) or there is a medical issue. People who aren't already fatigued don't fall asleep just bc they are lying around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Parenting is so interesting, isn't it?  Some kids are self-motivated right from the get-go, others aren't.  What we learned is that putting a structure into place was important (which included regulations:  30 minutes screen time every 4 hours, for example), and then modeled behavior and organized/participated in activities ourselves.  ("Come on kids!  We're leaving on a little nature hike and picnic in 20 minutes!"  or,  "Everyone in the kitchen in 15 minutes to make pizza!")  Not just once-week, but daily. 

 

Also, sign him up for an activity or two.  We eventually learned that our kids might not come up with these interests themselves.  But if a community ed activity came up that we thought our kids might be interested in (whether they thought so or not), we might sign them up. We got it right about half the time.   :)  If they didn't like it, they didn't have to do it again.  If they liked it, they were glad they did it and were willing to do it again.

Edited by J-rap
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the responses. And for being kind. For some reason, I was hesitant to post this for fear of being attacked! :-)

 

I'll try to address things that were brought up. I can admit that part of the problem is me the last few months. I have had other stuff going on so I haven't been on top of him so much. Time to change that.

 

We have several activities during the week. We are going to slow down a little this summer because it is HOT where we are and it is miserable to be out and about every single day, but will pick back up in the Fall. He will either start back up with Jiujitsu or Ice hockey. But, this summer we will do an art club, writing club, board game days and weekly homeschool get togethers. This will keep us out of the house 2-3 times a week for activities. We also go out on the weekends to eat and a movie or an activity like bowling, pool, etc. 

 

Yes, I have tried 6 months or more without a screen as well. I think it was 9 months. 

 

I made an "i'm bored" jar a while ago. I think it's time to revive that and have him choose activities from that daily. I really like the idea of a routine/schedule of sorts. That should help both of us stick to a plan.

 

Thanks again everyone. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know about medical issues. Sounds plausible.

 

I hear you when you say you can't enforce activity all day long or you won't be able to live your own life, as meager as it may be as a homeschooling mom.

 

My thought is to give him real work to earn screen time. Chopping wood. Cutting bushes. Mowing. Make a huge list of stuff to do whereby he van earn screen time.

 

Have him do some with DH. Music practice is to be recorded on a cassette. Math worksheets. Language copy work. 10 minutes per task divided such that you get 8 hours of work or so for 2 hours of screen time.

 

I did that and my kids were miraculously not bored all summer.

 

Of course that would not solve a medical issue.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It feels like my 9 year old needs to build stamina for life in general? What can I do to help him with that? How do we get there?

 

He would prefer to be on a screen all day long. Otherwise, he would just lie down all day long on the sofa. Whenever I suggest something, I get a "meh" sort of response. I've tried all sorts of things, but nothing has stuck unless I made him do something. He almost consistently chooses to do nothing.

 

Help!!?!??!

 

And about the screen thing, I'v tried both extremes and have had no luck either way. For a 6 month period, I let him be on it all day. He never got tired of it. And I've tried not letting him on it at all. He will usually do nothing then for hours, often falling asleep out of boredom. Right now, we are doing limited screens. 

 

 

We heavily limited screens/gaming most of our oldest DS life.  Then we let him have a few games on computer and phone.

 

I will never, ever again allow gaming in this house.

If they are bored and lay around, so be it.  But never gaming, ever, ever, ever again.

 

It's addictive and they crave it.

And it's too much effort to cajole them into having a wonderful attitude about not playing.  DS is 17 and he very much understands that it must have limits and I think he is a good sport about it for the most part, but he truly thinks on the games when he isn't playing and craves playing more.

 

Did I mention never, ever, ever again?

 

Never.

Ever.

 

ETA: And on the proactive part - yes, I'd do a full physical workup.  At 9 I just can't imagine this in any of my kids.

 

I have generally required a balance of structure and free time.  There are required things during the summer, requirements with flexibility (like reading time but you pick the book) and then free time outside - do whatever so long as you're out.   The requirements with flexibility requires them to find something to do but has parameters - like reading or being outside.  Make sure he has things to DO outside and inside.

 

If he likes gaming, chances are good that boardgames could really spark something for him.  My DS was 11 when we began to collect Eurogames.  He fell in love.

Nature study is good - creating habitat is good.  

 

DS #2 is 11.  He gardens, chops wood, takes care of the chickens, reads, listens to audios while playing Lego, rides his bike, plays basketball, digs in the sand, and would spend every moment in front of the tv if it were allowed. 

Edited by BlsdMama
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

He likes board games, but once again that requires interaction from me! :-) We try to play at least one game an evening, but it's been more like 4 times a week now. We play faster card games and several rounds of various ones. 

 

Summer here is horrendous (in the Middle East.) The heat and humidity is suffocating so we are pretty much stuck indoors unless we make an effort to go bowl, ice skate, etc. We have plenty of room indoors for movement.

 

I just need to manage his time and make him choose form a list of activities. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was thinking have a doctor check him out, too. Thyroid came to mind, as did chronic constipation. My dd suffered the latter problem for the first five years of her life, largely undetected. When it was discovered and corrected, I suddenly realized her lack of energy (sitting all day, very low activity level or stamina) was not just a personality trait. She's a different kid now... boundless energy.

 

There may not be a medical cause, but it's worth ruling out, I think.

I PMd you, Lotsoflittleducklings.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...