MamaBearTeacher Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I think I slept less than 2 hours last night. This is after weeks of 2-5 hours every night. I am feeling really dizzy and a bit nauseous. DS14woke early in the night and I was worried about him. Then I had dull pains in my legs. I think it might have been because I took DS9 swimming on Sunday and it was the first rigorous exercise I had in a long time. usually muscle aches happen the next morning though. I also felt like my blood wasn't circulating and I wanted to massage my legs but was afraid of waking my children if I moved. I have a bump on the bottom of my foot that is hurting more and more and I want to make a doctor's appointment but I can't remember my doctor's name. DS12 has acid reflux and smells like vomit and I don't want to go near him because I am feeling so queasy right now. I feel really bad for this. I wanted to go away this past weekend but DS14 (special needs)has been in such a bad mood that we were afraid he would get us kicked out of the hotel. I spent the whole weekend cleaning instead. THe weekend before, two of them had the stomach flu and I spent the whole time mopping vomit. i feel selfish for writing this but I wish I had had a real mother, not someone who was full of pride when I did great things but made fun of me and criticized and abandoned me when life threw me challenges. I am feeling lonely and sorry for myself and invisible and hurt for various reasons too. It makes everything harder. I really feel like my special needs children desperately need medical care but I have taken them to so many doctors and the doctors just say that they don't know what to do and that they feel sorry for us but that's it. But if you saw how much my children suffer. As a mother I cannot just accept their suffering. I was reading The Horse and his Boy (Narnia) yesterday and the Hermit said that he had not seen much luck in his life and that everything happens for a reason and that it would be revealed if it needed to be but there is no way I can understand my children's suffering. I don't want to believe in luck though. I want to believe that there is a purpose and most of all, I want to believe that there will be a happy ending. If you read this post, Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I am so sorry! Parenting is hard as it is, but seeing your kids suffer must be a total different ordeal. Thankfully we have healthy children, but I often pray for parents and families that don't. I don't know what your situation is and/or why you are in a hotel? You sound so stressed out, rightfully so. Please don't feel you are selfish, it sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stresses, and being sleep deprived makes it worse. Many prayers and blessings your way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 Thanks. We are not living in a hotel. We live in our home. I wanted to go away as a family this past weekend for fun. DS sometimes screams very loud when he can't sleep at night and lately he has had that problem and it would disrupt the other guests so we did not go. I guess my post did not make much sense. It is hard to describe our weird lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You need respite and sleep or you cannot function but when you cannot get those things it just compounds the problem. I am so sorry. Is there anyone you know IRL that could hang out with your kids during the day while you sleep some? Do you have any friends in the local community? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I'm sorry! I wanted to mention one thing you could try that would be a cheap, easy option. During certain times of the year, my body just doesn't want to sleep. It feels like it's working hard, as I can feel my heart beating harder and my body just won't relax. During those times I also get light-headed more easily (I'm already prone to that anyway.) I finally realized that those periods were always in the fall and spring, around when my seasonal allergies sometimes kick in. I really believe it was my body just working overtime trying to fight it. So during the last couple of years, I make sure to go on my allergy meds earlier (right when the snow is starting to melt, for example), and stay on them through the spring. I rarely have extended nights like those anymore. Zyrtec is usually what I take. Do you have seasonal allergies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 :grouphug: It can be almost impossible to have hope through difficult times. But, life will get better. After a bout with a stomach virus, I'm usually depressed and feel miserable. Stomach bugs were THE reason I was never going to have children. It's so, so hard to watch your children suffer chronically. And to get no answers from the doctors is unbelievably frustrating. You have an awful lot going on right now. I hope there is someone is your life who can help you out a little. If not, just know that things will get better, and all you can do is get through each day. And that is enough. One more thing...you get two chances at the mother-child relationship. One you don't have any control over. But, the other you do. You can be the mom you wish you had. And then you can watch the fruit of that play out in your children's lives. It's incredibly difficult to stop the unhealthy patterns we learn as children...BUT, better that you do it than you pass along the unhealthy patterns. It's always less work (no matter how much work it is) to hold the line than to rebuild something broken, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 I am not having allergies. I can't sleep because my son is awake screaming and sometimes it is hard to fall asleep after that. I wonder about him though he tested negative for allergies. His mood has been so bad lately. I have not had luck getting respite workers lately. I have put hours into looking for them but there do not seem to be a lot in my area. We have one but she only comes an hour a week and she emailed me recently and said she did not feel comfortable working with my 12-year old unless I was in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 [quote name="Random" post="7016203" One more thing...you get two chances at the mother-child relationship. One you don't have any control over. But, the other you do. You can be the mom you wish you had. And then you can watch the fruit of that play out in your children's lives. It's incredibly difficult to stop the unhealthy patterns we learn as children...BUT, better that you do it than you pass along the unhealthy patterns. It's always less work (no matter how much work it is) to hold the line than to rebuild something broken, you know? t's funny how different I am raising my children. my mother never played with me. I went to school and lots of activities and lessons and in what time was left I was expected to go to other children's houses. My mother told me she didn't like kids and had them because it was expected. I homeschool my kids and spend most of my time with them beyond that. I do consider it a privilege. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsymama Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 Parenting is hard. Add in special needs and health concerns and it's quickly overwhelming. My youngest is 5 and still doesn't sleep through the night. She also has symptoms like you mentioned with your son. My oldest has tons of health issues that are a constant worry. I understand being sleep deprived, homeschooling and worrying over health. It's just all too much sometimes. Vent away here any time you feel like it. We all need some support and an outlet to say anything at times. You can always pm me if you want to talk. I hope things get better soon. Is there anyway that your husband could get up to deal with the night issues some? I usually stay up until after midnight to be awake still for the first time my dd wakes up. It's easier on me than being awakened. The nights that she gets up again after that are extremely tough :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 Update: I think I wasn't just sleep deprived but very sick too. My legs started hurting me more and more and I thought it was weird that a hour of swimming two days ago would have done that. Then I became very cold and. Put on two sweaters and it's such a hot day and then I started shivering so I took my temperature and it was almost 100. So that explains things. I did not eat all day but forced myself to have applesauce and then I had bad diarrhea and threw up. So I guess I caught their stomach bug from a week ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 The stomach bug going around also brings a lot of fatigue with it. Do take care of yourself. (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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