ASD, ADHD, and Anxiety

[Bonkers247]

Two years ago my DD10 was diagnosed autistic (high-functioning) and ADHD.  We were also told she is exceptionally gifted.  She goes to the autism center to see a counselor and a psychiatrist.  She is supposed to be getting speech therapy, too, but the speech therapist quit and they haven't hired a new one yet.  Speech therapy should resume next month or the month after.

 

A month ago I took DD12 and DS3 to go through testing.  DD12's results came back saying she is gifted but has severe anxiety.  She sees a psychologist every other week and a psychiatrist every other month.

 

DS3's results show he is moderately autistic and will need OT, Speech, and Behavioral Therapy.

 

I plan on homeschooling all five of my kids next year but am really struggling with how it is going to work with so many different appointments.  Any tips on how to make it work?

 

Also, I'm still reeling from DS3's diagnosis.  He's a lot worse off than I expected.  His social deficits seem insurmountable.  I am grieving.  Any advice on dealing with my emotions over his diagnosis?

[texasmama]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I think your mindset as far as making it all fit in is that the therapies take a number one slot in the calendar and the academics are fit in around those.  I would try to get as many therapies for as many kids combined on days/times as possible and if there is someone in your life (grandma, friend) who can take one of the dc to a routine therapy appointment, take advantage of that.  When I was in a similar position, my father took my son to his therapies.  I attended important meetings, but my dad took him to the weekly therapies, and it was a huge help to me.

 

Re: grieving, that is part of the SN process, and I know you know that.  I don't know that it ever really goes away completely.  For me, it comes and goes in waves.  I allow myself to be sad about my SN kid's struggles and my kid with a birth defect's struggles.  These are life-long things that will affect them.  Nothing can change that.  Parenting these two has changed me and will continue to.  You are in good company, mama.  :grouphug:   I will say that it is impossible to predict your ds3's functioning in ten years at this point.  He will be a completely different child.  Not to say that he will not have things to overcome, but he will be in a completely different place in his functioning because he is so little right now.

[Bonkers247]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I think your mindset as far as making it all fit in is that the therapies take a number one slot in the calendar and the academics are fit in around those. I would try to get as many therapies for as many kids combined on days/times as possible and if there is someone in your life (grandma, friend) who can take one of the dc to a routine therapy appointment, take advantage of that. When I was in a similar position, my father took my son to his therapies. I attended important meetings, but my dad took him to the weekly therapies, and it was a huge help to me.

 

Re: grieving, that is part of the SN process, and I know you know that. I don't know that it ever really goes away completely. For me, it comes and goes in waves. I allow myself to be sad about my SN kid's struggles and my kid with a birth defect's struggles. These are life-long things that will affect them. Nothing can change that. Parenting these two has changed me and will continue to. You are in good company, mama. :grouphug: I will say that it is impossible to predict your ds3's functioning in ten years at this point. He will be a completely different child. Not to say that he will not have things to overcome, but he will be in a completely different place in his functioning because he is so little right now.

Thank you for your encouragement. I wish I had someone to help take them to appointments but I have no family here and my friends are all working moms. My dh might be able to help some because he works from home but I can't see that happening too often.

 

I'm hoping to get appointments grouped together but it seems highly unlikely to happen. Right now it's at least looking like Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. I don't know when ds3's speech and behavioral therapy appointments will be yet. There is some concern that insurance won't pay for the behavioral therapy until he's 4. I'm confused about that because he needs it now. He's so young. Doesn't that make it easier to change the behaviors?

 

Can you tell I'm a little overwhelmed right now trying to figure all of this out?

[PeterPan]

You can clone yourself by having your insurance or whoever is paying for your ds' ABA provide an ABA tutor.  Some kind of in-home provider who is there for chunks of time.  Ours is coming 3 hours, 3 times a week.  And then the behaviorist comes weekly.  That gives me chunks where I can deal with other stuff, run an errand, whatever.  

 

Just because you're at home doesn't mean you have to do it all yourself.  It IS more than you can do alone.  If you can expand your team, that would be good.  

 

Btw, maybe the behaviorist for the ds3 can come to your home and sort of make the overall flow work better and help everyone, kwim?  If your insurance will cover it, obviously. 

[Bonkers247]

You can clone yourself by having your insurance or whoever is paying for your ds' ABA provide an ABA tutor. Some kind of in-home provider who is there for chunks of time. Ours is coming 3 hours, 3 times a week. And then the behaviorist comes weekly. That gives me chunks where I can deal with other stuff, run an errand, whatever.

 

Just because you're at home doesn't mean you have to do it all yourself. It IS more than you can do alone. If you can expand your team, that would be good.

 

Btw, maybe the behaviorist for the ds3 can come to your home and sort of make the overall flow work better and help everyone, kwim? If your insurance will cover it, obviously.

I'll have to look into my options with the ABA. This one is new to me. I'm familiar with speech and OT but dd10 hasn't needed a behavioral therapist. Thanks for giving me ideas on what to ask for.

[MomatHWTK]

One thing I learned from my DS' therapist is that in the ps setting, hours a day would be dedicated to social skills, therapy, etc. So that stuff is school for these kids. Appointments and working on social skills are just as important as reading and math. In fact, in some instances, the therapeutic skills are more important than the academics.

 

Make your school fit your children.  :grouphug:

[kbutton]

WRT to your concerns/emotions around your 3 y.o., I think you will feel more knowledgeable when you have a plan in place for things like behavior. If he needs more support than your DD with ASD, then it's hard to compare right now--it's just a big unknown. You will probably grieve in stages as the process unfolds, and from what I hear on the boards, that is pretty normal. 

 

One thing I would not do is try to get your kids really on board with an elaborate plan for subjects they are ho-hum about. For my older son, that's history, so we do a get 'er done curriculum. It works really well, and he actually likes history this way. It's very non-threatening to him, and he engages with it because it's independent and feels controlled. (He's turning 12 this week and is 2e with ASD.) He's also motivated to take responsibility for things even though it sometimes goes awry (his EF skills are sketchy with ASD and ADHD), so he feels better if he can be more in control of his time. We've come up with a scheduling plan that lets him do this, and he has a behavior plan for following through without turning things around and blaming me if something doesn't go well. It includes taking feedback from me and things like that. If your 10 and 12 year olds are ready for a bit of independence, it might be that working through a schedule they can execute themselves would help with anxiety and give you a bit more breathing room. If they are not ready, that's okay too. We basically map out where the unmovable appointments and commitments are, and we list what needs to be accomplished each week (generally, like how many history lessons, how many grammar pages, etc.). He knows which subjects are easier and harder and which ones travel well, and he forms a list for each day, like maybe 2 grammar lessons on Tuesday and none on Wednesday because we're out of the house more on Wednesday. He has really liked this way of doing things. We have a couple of subjects, like spelling, where he tends to do as much as he can to get it out of the way before Christmas, and then if he gets behind in something, he has that slot in his schedule for backlogs (sometimes a lesson goes sideways, and we need to take longer to do something).

[kbutton]

If you are open to Christian resources, this blog is a good one for SN: http://specialneedsparenting.net/ 

[Kat w]

Awww. Kbutton, love that link.

I was reminded reading through that, how much we stay home from events and...lots of things.

 

Op, the link is true. You are not alone. Glad we have this board and the I ternet to network with other families across the nation.

 

Feeling overwhelmed is a normal part of it.

I would say lay low until you've figured out more a plan, not just for therapies, but the other aspects of life it will affect.

Like maybe, sometimes it's ok to avoid a certain situation all together.

Big hugs :)